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    Sh*t My Dad Says
    Sh*t My Dad Says
    Sh*t My Dad Says
    Audiobook3 hours

    Sh*t My Dad Says

    Written by Justin Halpern

    Narrated by Sean Schemmel

    4.5/5

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    About this audiobook

    After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is ""like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,"" has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

    ""That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.""

    ""Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.""

    ""The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.""

    Almost two million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperAudio
    Release dateMay 4, 2010
    ISBN9780062012364
    Author

    Justin Halpern

    Justin Halpern is the founding editor of the comedy website HolyTaco.com and a senior writer at Maxim.com. Halpern created the Twitter page @sh*tmydadsays, which boasts over 1.8 million followers, and is co-writing and producing a sitcom adaptation for CBS. He splits his time between Los Angeles and his parents’ home in San Diego.

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    Reviews for Sh*t My Dad Says

    4.5/5

    381 ratings156 reviews

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    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 3/5
      This book is a pretty good example of why it isn't always a good idea to make a book/movie/tv show out of something that went viral on the internet. There is a fine difference between watching a 30 second Youtube video of a cat playing the piano and going to the cinema to see two hours of it. So, while the Twitter feed may be funny (especially for those who consider an older man using words like "fuck" or "shit" a lot as the epitome of comedy), the book has too few funny moments for its length. If you take away the comedy aspect however, this is a fairly good story about the elationship between a father and his son with an almost touching end, which is why I'm still giving this 3 stars. It's not what I expected and in my opinion a bit overrated, but it has its redeeming qualities.
    • 5/5
      It's been a long time since I've read a book that makes me laugh out loud. And that is exactly what I love to read. Great book, I very much enjoyed it!
    • 4/5
      What a funny book. It is about his bright, unedited father who is helpful, yet embarrassing like most fathers seem to be when you are a teen.Halpern's father has quotes, usually laced with profanities, that arememorable.I laughed out loud at many things in the book and am anxious to sharethe book with siblings and friends.
    • 3/5
      As I expected, only some of this book made me LOL, just like the Twitter account - I laugh at approximately half the tweets. I was surprised that this book was not only a collection of tweets but also the author's brief memoir of his dad. I thought it would basically be the Twitter account on paper.

      I was tempted to give this book four stars, since some stuff was really funny, and it was nice to find out his dad really isn't just a big jerk; he's a pretty good guy who loves his son, but some stuff was gross, and I don't like when books gross me out, so I knocked it down a star.
    • 4/5
      Enjoyable collection of humorous (and filthy) anecdotes about the author's father.
    • 4/5
      I really enjoyed this book and it had lots of laugh out loud funny moments, which is great on the bus as it means people don't sit next to you.
    • 4/5
      A marvelous collection of things the author's father--a foul-mouthed, no-nonsense scientist--has told him over the years. I laughed out loud. The father may be gruff and impatient, but his love for his son comes through time after time.
    • 4/5
      When I heard that some bloke was offered a large amount of money to write a book about the funny things his 74 year-old father said, I grabbed my notepad and pen and turned up at my 73 year-old father's house, ready to record any hilarious and profound utterings. A couple of hours later, with notepad still blank, I gave up. Maybe I have to wait until my father's a year older and try again.
    • 4/5
      This is hilarious, but unless you're comfortable with the f-bomb and other various obscenities, you better not pick it up, since it's laced with them -- as in very consistently all the way through. I was laughing out loud numerous times & had to quote various references to my husband, who also got a kick out of them. As vulgar as Halpern's dad is, he hits the nail on the head & tells it like it is. I raced through this book & easily read it in a weekend. For some reason I kept picturing Kevin Arnold's dad (of Wonder Years fame) in my head while I read this. I don't think there's actually any physical resemblance, but the sarcastic personality definitely fit.
    • 5/5
      Absolutely hysterical. Have read this many times. What a character. Didn’t care for the voice used for “Dad” though.
    • 5/5
      This book is great!
    • 4/5
      In a world where no one really says what they mean, and everyone is left to read between the lines, Sam Halpern leaves no room for ambiguity. He shoots from the hip and tells it like it is. He verbalizes many of the things we all think but never say. He’s crass, vulgar, totally UnPC and laugh-out-loud funny!

      Justin Halpern writes about growing up with a dad who never minces words no matter how serious the situation. Through it all though Sam still comes out looking like a man who loves his family and tries to do the right thing.

      Many of the antidotes and “Sam Halpernisms” will linger much longer than the few hours it takes to read this hilarious and highly entertaining little book.
    • 5/5
      This is a hysterical book. You have to look past the sh*ts and the f*cks, and the potty humor. But there is some real wisdom in here. Here is a gem:On the Right Time to Have Children"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumb shit. He knows how it works." And there you have it.My dad was not really in my life, but I can almost hear my Uncle Jack saying some of these things.
    • 4/5
      We all have the odd phrases and proverbs that our dad's have told us. Join Halpern in his father's deadpan sarcasm. Not that very long, mostly for the laughs. Worth a shot.
    • 4/5
      I first heard about this author on Twitter. He basically started his Twitter feed by just posting the random, hilarious words of wisdom said by his dad. One gem includes "No. Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's." So, maybe it's not the most sophisticated book, but it is hilarious and there are parts that actually made me laugh out loud. And if you need a good moral, the father really does love his family, even if he shows it in a different way.
    • 5/5
      Wonderfully filthy. A marvelous summer read.
    • 3/5
      Ha! Some laugh out loud moments, for sure! I love the fact that the Dad who speaks as colorfully as the ranchers and loggers I've been around most of my adult life was a nuclear scientists working to cure cancer. Definitely a cute "listen" when other stuff is happening (i.e. cleaning or rote data entry.) I kind of loved the dad for sure.
    • 5/5
      HILARIOUS!!!!! Do NOT read this book in a place where you have to be quiet or may draw unwanted attention upon yourself - it's THAT funny!
    • 3/5
      The book is based on the twitter account Shit My Dad Says, which (as you’d expect) consists of funny and insightful quotes from Halpern’s dad. But the book itself is less “funny shit my dad says,” and more “life lessons from my dad, who often says funny shit.” It’s fairly good, as far as humorous essays go.
    • 5/5
      If foul language offends you then this not the book for you. That being said the books is laugh out loud funny literally. His dad is no nonsense and says pretty much whatever comes to mind, foul language included. Covers a lot of ground from jobs to sex, bullying to religion. I was going to put some little quotes in here from the book but it seems that all that were very funny also have foul language. Again runs the gambit and sure to make most of us laugh.
    • 4/5
      I’ve never related to a book more in my life. My own dad even has some of the same lines. The story in the last chapter was the perfect way to end it.
    • 3/5
      Occasionally funny, but overwrought.
    • 5/5
      My head says, "this guy has got to be making this stuff up about his dad" but my heart says, "God, I wish I knew Justin's dad! He's freakin' hilarious!" One of my favorite quotes: "The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."
    • 3/5
      Mildly amusing, and a fast read.
    • 5/5
      DO NOT read this book if you are offended by swearing but DO read it if you want to be laughing out loud at regular intervals. I had heard of the TV show although I had never seen it so was intreged when I spied this in the local library thinking it would be an amusing little read and boy was I not wrong ! This book was hilarious, and full of brilliant quotes (most of them very unPC). Justins dad can come across as a bit of a red neck with some of the things he says but also talks alot of sense (he tends to say what other people are afraid to say alot of the time.) I can't really say any more about it because it would only be repeating what others have said already just to say I heartily recommend it if you want a book that will give you a really good laugh.
    • 3/5
      Sh*t My Dad Says is a hilarious look at the father and son relationship between author and his father. Full of moments that makes the reader smile and laugh as well as quotes from “Dad” this book is a great quick and easy read.
    • 5/5
      This book was gud and funny and gud and funny
    • 3/5
      Unlike the television show adapted from the material, this is funny and occasionally emotionally resonant.
    • 5/5
      this was laugh out loud hilarious!! i'm hoping justin has at least another book in him. well written and it was a book i didn't want to put down.
    • 4/5
      This was great as an audiobook! I started it at work to give me something to listen to and it kept me entertained! I also listened in the car and while knitting and laughed along the way.