All I Love and Know: A Novel
Written by Judith Frank
Narrated by Peter Berkrot
4/5
()
About this audiobook
Told with the storytelling power and emotional fidelity of Wally Lamb, this is a searing drama of a modern American family on the brink of dissolution, one that explores adoption, gay marriage, and love lost and found.
For years, Matthew Greene and Daniel Rosen have enjoyed a quiet domestic life together in Northampton, Massachusetts. Opposites in many ways, they have grown together and made their relationship work. But when they learn that Daniel’s twin brother and sister-in-law have been killed in a bombing in Jerusalem, their lives are suddenly, utterly transformed.
In dealing with their families and the need to make a decision about who will raise the deceased couple’s two children, both Matthew and Daniel are confronted with challenges that strike at the very heart of their relationship. What is Matthew’s place in an extended family that does not completely accept him or the commitment he and Daniel have made? How do Daniel’s questions about his identity as a Jewish man affect his life as a gay American? Tensions only intensify when they learn that the deceased parents wanted Matthew and Daniel to adopt the children—six-year-old Gal, and baby Noam.
The impact this instant new family has on Matthew, Daniel, and their relationship is subtle and heartbreaking, yet not without glimmers of hope. They must learn to reinvent and redefine their bond in profound, sometimes painful ways. What kind of parents can these two men really be? How does a family become strong enough to stay together and endure? And are there limits to honesty or commitment—or love?
Judith Frank
Judith Frank is a professor of English at Amherst College. She was the recipient of a grant from the National Endowment of the Arts, has held residencies at Yaddo and MacDowell, and is the author of a previous novel, Crybaby Butch.
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Reviews for All I Love and Know
65 ratings16 reviews
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5All I Know and Love by Judith Frank is an in-depth, deeply character driven book that encompasses many themes in under 500 pages. I happen to enjoy character driven novels, as well as complex plotlines, and yet I did not really enjoy this book as much as I had hoped, which is odd, as individually I have interest in all the topics mentioned in the book, however maybe not all at once. My lack of enthusiasm for All I Know and Love is not the fault of the author. Frank is a brilliant author who has created a well-written character driven, multi-plot book. My lack of caring one way or another about Matthew and Daniel most likely caused my lack of interest in the story as a whole. Please read other reviews before deciding whether or not to choose All I Know and Love.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5It was said to read like a Wally Lamb novel and it didn’t disappoint. I didn’t want it to end!
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This novel has a lot of interesting elements. Daniel's brother and sister-in-law are killed in a terrorist bombing in Israel and leave their 2 small children to the care of Daniel and his gay, non-Jewish partner, Matt, who live in New England. The story deals with grief and how it touches the lives of everyone involved. The book also revolves around the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. The issue is complicated and Judith Frank acknowledges that. Daniel and Matt are educated American liberals, and can sympathize with the plight of the Palestinians. Daniel's brother's in-laws are Holocaust survivors, so the need for a Jewish homeland is also presented. As I said, the issue is complicated, and I feel that the author made it simpler than it should have been. Even after staying in Israel, Daniel and Matt liken the Israeli "occupation" to Apartheid. They are intellectuals and think about the situation constantly. Yet there is no consideration of the fact that the Palestinians stayed in Israel because they were not welcome in neighboring Arab nations. Palestinians were treated in Israeli hospitals alongside Jews, attended Israeli Universities, etc. In short, not Apartheid. Daniel and Matt should have been able to understand the intricacies of the situation, especially when they lived there for several months and could see things first hand. When Daniel later gives a human interest interview in New England and expresses sympathy for the Palestinians, he is inundated with hate mail from many racist Jews. There is not one letter of support from anyone, Jew or non-Jew. This does not seem likely to me. There is mention of a joint group of Palestinian and Jewish victims of violence, but even with that, Judith Frank's telling seems a little over-simplified. This part of the novel irritated me.All in all, however, I enjoyed the book. Little Gal was spunky and Frank dealt with the little girl's grief in a convincing manner. Daniel and Matt's relationship also went through the rough waters of grief in a convincing manner.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This was a well written, character driven book that touches on multiple themes (gay relationships, grief, terrorism, family dynamics, etc.). I found that I enjoyed the book and found it less realistic as it went on. I appreciated that for the most part there were no quick fixes or pretty solutions. I think that's what disappointed me the most about the ending. It seemed a bit rushed and pat. I would have liked to have seen the author go more in-depth into the relationship of the two partners.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This author was unknown to me and the book had numerous aspects of books that I don't usually choose, such as not based in the United States, and historical characters. The depth of character development drew me in and I was delighted with story which largely takes place in Israel. Lots of people have reviewed this book with the details of the story, I want to just say that I think the characters are spot on and lovable in their flaws. Give this one a try.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This book starts out with a complicated premise, and it doesn't let up throughout the story. Matt and Daniel are a gay couple living in Massachusetts. Daniel is Jewish and Matt is not. The book starts with them on a plane heading to Israel with Daniel's parents to identify the body of Daniel's twin brother Joel. Joel and his wife Ilana lived in Israel with their 2 children Gal, age 6, and Noam, age 11 months. The couple were killed in a terrorist attack in Jerusalem. Through the process of identifying the body, sitting shiva, and the reading of the will, Matt feels like an outsider. Both sets of grandparents expect to take custody of the grandchildren and are shocked when the will specifies that the children will go to Daniel, and a court case ensues when the maternal grandparents contest the will. Eventually custody is awarded to Daniel, and despite misgivings on his part about making the children leave their home, they do bring them to the U.S. The grief process has changed all of them, affecting not only the relationship between Matt and Daniel but also causing developmental delays for the baby and emotional and behavioral problems in his sister. The story addresses themes of the Israeli/Palestinian relations, Holocaust survivors, gay rights, family conflict, grief and mourning, relationship difficulties, infidelity, and more. It was in some ways a very realistic portrayal of family life, and in other respects a little too stereotypical.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5When I won this book for Early Reviewers, I was pretty excited because it was one of the books in the batches that intrigued me the most. It certainly did not disappoint! All I Love and Know was not the book I expected it to be; when one review on the cover spoke of it being like Jodi Picoult, I thought there would be court room drama in getting custody of the children, but the book does not end there. It goes on to deal with aftermath of a huge tragedy: the challenges of raising someone else's kids, the psychological and physical grieving for lost loved ones, events that morph your relationship with your significant other, and the complex relationships we all have with each other. I will say that the ending does not feel quite as natural to me as the rest of the book. However, I appreciate that the book explores the hard and harsh realities of when life does not go according to plan, and how to live after the loss of a brother, father, and son.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I really hope this book finds a wider audience than just LGBT readers. Sure, the story focuses on a gay couple, Matt and Daniel, but it is so much more than a typical gay novel. The journey that Matt and Daniel go through on their way to becoming parents to Daniel's twin brother's two children is only part of the story. There's the obvious strain it creates on their relationship, the grief they feel over the loss of their loved ones, and the drama of family dynamics with the children's grandparents. I was impressed at the emotional heft of the book, and I was really surprised that I was tearing up within the first 10 pages! How does an author make you care about characters that quickly? Ms. Frank did not let up on the emotions throughout the 400+ pages, and I enjoyed riding the highs and the lows while reading this novel. It's a very satisfying read.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Daniel and Matt are a gay couple living in Massachusetts in the early 2000's when their perfect life is turned upside down by a terrorist's bomb that kills Daniel's twin brother and sister-in-law in Jerusalem where they lived. The victims' will designates Daniel as the one who should raise the couple's two small children and the sister-in-law had asked Daniel, if something happened to them, to take the children out of Israel. So there are many threads here -- the welfare of the children, the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, the grief over the violent deaths, and most of all, the relationship between Daniel and Matt. This is where the author really shines, getting inside the heads of these two men -- and particularly Matt's.Terribly sad story, beautifully told.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Story of same sex couple named as legal guardians for the twin brother and his wife who were victims in a terrorist's attack in Jerusalem. The book addresses same sex couples, terrorism, Judeo beliefs and culture, grief and bereavement in adults and children...to name a few. In addition, the author writes with such compassion and depth that I could not put this down. A good book for discussion!
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5This is the story of a gay couple, Daniel and Matt, who live in a Massachusetts town with a large gay population. Daniel is Jewish, Matt is not and Daniel has sympathy for the plight of the Palestinians. Daniel and Matt are thrust into a debilitating family crisis when Daniel's twin brother and sister-in-law are killed in a terrorist bombing while living in Israel. Daniel is named as the guardian for the couple's two small children, and overnight Daniel and Matt must navigate the new world of parenting in the midst of Daniel's overwhelming grief. The relationship is tested from all sides as they deal with the angry, sad six year old daughter of the deceased couple and care for the baby brother who has developmental delays. This is searing look at family dynamics, gay love, and cultural differences.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I complain a lot, in my reviews, about the failure of writers to make their characters come to life. Frank has melded a fascinating story with an exquisite sensitivity in exploring the emotional responses of her characters. She deals with relationships that are still, for many people, troubling and difficult to understand with a skill that makes us like and admire her characters and then begin to grasp at least the faintest vision of what their lives are like--not so very different from our own, as it turns out. As a backdrop to her story of the growing attachment between Matt and Daniel and their two small children, she alludes to the West Bank occupation in ways that are thought provoking and appears to have tried to avoid igniting passionate, thoughtless responses. This is the best book I've read this year; possibly the best in much longer than that. Congratulations to the author on her achievement.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I LOVED this!!! How could this couple become two of my favorite characters? Judith Frank is a wonderful story teller and I felt as though I was invisibly right there, part of the entire story! The detail in the emotions of everyone, from Gal to Matt to Daniel---I want to know more about Noam's future so a futuristic epilogue or another book down the road with this gang---would be great. Very, very readable---fast and fascinating.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5When I read a book this wonderful, I always wish I had more of a way with words, so I could do the book justice. I desperately want to convey the essence of this book to you so that you can share the love and awe I feel for it. I’m not someone who always loves flawed characters. I sometimes even find them annoying. But in this book, when I say the characters are flawed, what I mean is that they are created with flaws and strengths and likes and dislikes and feelings that are so believable and so self-consistent that it seems they could step off the page. I thought the author also did an incredible job showing that gay couples are just like any other couple without diminishing the extra pressures put on their relationship by the prejudices some people have towards gay couples.
At first, I wasn’t sure I liked Daniel very much, but as we get into the story and share his perspective, my heart ached for both halves of this struggling couple. The author flowed seamlessly between their perspectives, as well as the perspective of their adopted daughter. Throughout the book, the author connects what’s happening to Matt and Daniel back to greater issues, such as the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and gay rights. She made me do a lot of thinking about these issues but I never felt that she was moralizing at me. Instead she just gave these issues a human face. I think there are parts of this book which could make many people uncomfortable, including some (necessary) description of the characters’ sex lives and perhaps the characters’ views on Israel. I think that’s a good thing though, making this a book which will push peoples’ boundaries. It’s also moving and beautiful and so, so wonderful. Even if you’re nervous about the topic, perhaps especially if you’re nervous about the topic, I highly encourage you to give All I Love And Know a chance.
This review first published at Doing Dewey. - Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5This is a hard review to write because sometimes I liked this novel and other times I didn't. I think Ms. Frank is a talented author but she had a lot going on in this story and the issues moved around a lot. Also, it was hard to like the two main characters, Daniel and Matthew, and the six-year-old girl, Gal, who was in desperate need of discipline.I realize there was a lot of grief being expressed and rightly so. There were many grieving family members over the death of a young husband and wife by terrorists leaving two young children orphans. The sudden parenthood of one of the main characters left an impact on his relationship with his partner.The Israel/Palestine conflict was written into the story along with terrorism, gay lifestyles, adoption, and grief. Emotional novel.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Daniel and Matt are two gay men living in Northampton, Massachusetts. a Lesbian/Gay community. Daniel's brother and sister-in-law are blown up in a café in Jerusalem and Daniel and Matt become the legal guardians of their two kids, Gal and Noam, at the behest of the brother and sister-in-law, despite the desires of both sets of parents. The sister-in-law's parents, both Holocaust survivors, are scarred by their experience and at first want custody, but then realize they can't do it.Daniel experiences grief by excluding Matt and because of it Matt has unprotected sex-a one night stand. Daniel kicks him out and they have to work back to their relationship. The story ends as they obtain a marriage license now that Massachusetts grants gay marriages.Beautiful development of all relationships.