That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships
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About this ebook
At home, on the job, in a personal relationship, it's often not what you say but how you say it that counts.
Deborah Tannen revolutionized our thinking about relationships between women and men in her #1 bestseller You Just Don't Understand. In That's Not What I Meant!, the internationally renowned sociolinguist and expert on communication demonstrates how our conversational signals—voice level, pitch and intonation, rhythm and timing, even the simple turns of phrase we choose—are powerful factors in the success or failure of any relationship. Regional speech characteristics, ethnic and class backgrounds, age, and individual personality all contribute to diverse conversational styles that can lead to frustration and misplaced blame if ignored—but provide tools to improve relationships if they are understood.
At once eye-opening, astute, and vastly entertaining, Tannen's classic work on interpersonal communication will help you to hear what isn't said and to recognize how your personal conversational style meshes or clashes with others. It will give you a new understanding of communication that will enable you to make the adjustments that can save a conversation . . . or a relationship.
Deborah Tannen
Deborah Tannen is Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. Her books include the New York Times bestsellers You Just Don't Understand, You're Wearing THAT?, Talking from 9 to 5, and You Were Always Mom's Favorite!. She has written for and been featured in numerous major newspapers and magazines, including the New York Times, Newsweek, USA Today, the Washington Post, and Time.
Read more from Deborah Tannen
You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTalking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
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Reviews for That's Not What I Meant!
10 ratings7 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Does what it says on the tin. A somewhat interesting look at how individual ways of speaking can cause and exasperate misunderstandings in conversation. Only somewhat interesting because it reads like old news (it is, having been published almost thirty years ago--I'd guess that a much bigger section of the population has a passing knowledge of the information in this book today than did then--perhaps because of books like this) and comes off a bit bland and depressing. Despite the inclusion of some suggestions about how to overcome misunderstandings caused by conversational style, it's easy to come away feeling like you might as well not bother talking to anyone (which is not at all how I really feel about failures to communicate). I love linguistics and was hoping this would be a fascinating read, bit it missed the mark.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I read this book through reasonably fast, and the only reason why I could do this, was because the book was written in a manner that is easy to read. The points that she raised are fantastic, and I could really relate to the examples that she gave. It is a book that is well worth keeping, reading and absorbing.There is not too much by way of strategies for improving your communication. Initially, I was a bit disappointed, but then I realized that this is something that each individual has to work out for himself/herself. The danger with many self-help books, is that they promise a lot, and recommend strategies that are often impossible to implement, because they are too generic. So, while she does give some broad recommendations, she wisely avoids making this a universal self-help book that promises the world, and does not deliver on the promise. The lessons and examples are to be internalised, and practiced, if they are to work. That is the hard work that we, as readers, have to do!
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Conversational styles, metamessage, schismogenesis, and Sapir-Whorf hypothesis are just but a few of the newer insights I have learned from this lucid book.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5i like it ♡
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The book offers some amazing new insights into how different styles of conversations can lead to conflict in intimate relationships. However , it is a little too theoretical and does not offer concrete suggestions to help us communicate better with others.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5It should be retitled "it is a freakin' miracle we can actually communicate with one another." Tannen doesn't go into a lot of tips to solve our miscommunication. What Tannen does do is offer us clarification and awareness into all the various ways we think we are communicating but may not be and how to better understand all the communication styles we encounter. Excellent primer for understanding and awareness of basic communication styles.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Eye opener. A pleasure to read.
1 person found this helpful