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The Murderer's Daughters: A Novel
The Murderer's Daughters: A Novel
The Murderer's Daughters: A Novel
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The Murderer's Daughters: A Novel

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

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Lulu and Merry's childhood was never ideal, but on the day before Lulu's tenth birthday their father propels them into a nightmare. He's always hungered for the love of the girls' self-obsessed mother; after she throws him out, their troubles turn deadly. Lulu had been warned not let her father in, but when he shows up drunk, he's impossible to ignore. He bullies his way past Lulu, who then listens in horror as her parents struggle. She runs for help, but discovers upon her return that he's murdered her mother, stabbed her five-year-old sister, Merry, and tried, unsuccessfully, to kill himself.

Lulu and Merry are effectively orphaned by their mother's death and father's imprisonment. The girls' relatives refuse to care for them and abandon them to a terrifying group home. Even as they plot to be taken in by a well-to-do family, they come to learn they'll never really belong anywhere or to anyone—that all they have to hold onto is each other.

For thirty years, the sisters try to make sense of what happened. Their imprisoned father is a specter in both their lives, shadowing every choice they make. One spends her life pretending he's dead, while the other feels compelled--by fear, by duty--to keep him close. Both dread the day his attempts to win parole may meet with success.

A beautifully written, compulsively readable debut, Randy Susan Meyers's The Murderer's Daughters is a testament to the power of family and the ties that bind us together and tear us apart.

LanguageEnglish
Release dateJan 19, 2010
ISBN9781429987363
The Murderer's Daughters: A Novel
Author

Randy Susan Meyers

Randy Susan Meyers is the author of the bestselling and critically acclaimed The Murderer’s Daughters, which was chosen as a Massachusetts Center for the Book “Must-Read Book” and a finalist for the Massachusetts Book Award. She currently lives in Boston with her husband.

Read more from Randy Susan Meyers

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Rating: 4.026785714285714 out of 5 stars
4/5

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  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This is the story of two little girls in the 1970's that witnessed their father murder their mother and how they lived with this through childhood and as adults.

    The book is well written and I thought that all the characters were very well developed. I found this to be a very emotional story throughout the book.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    When your father kills your mother, tries to kill your younger sister, and himself, how does a 10-year-old girl handle the shock waves that reverberate through her life, especially now that she is all that her recovering sister has? Dad is in jail, in serious denial of what he has done to his daughters. Meanwhile, years go by while family members shun the "murder girls", orphanage children torment them, and a wealthy family finally takes them in out of pity. It is an easy and compelling read, perfect for those afternoons by the pool. While it is a bit formulaic and predictable, it is not high art, and the story, characters, and conclusions were all satisfying. Recommended.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    It is sad to think this story is a sad tale of reality instead of fiction. I loved all the characters and enjoyed growing with them. It intrigued me that both of the murderer's daughters followed careers of helping others instead of escaping from their roots. Forgiveness is a hard exercise and I appreciate LuLu standing her ground and Merry being merciful. Perhaps LuLu's path was the harder one.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I really liked this book. The mother is killed by the father leaving two daughters to deal with emotional trauma growing up as orphans and being labeled as ... Well you know. They both deal with it the best way they know - oldest by trying to forget the past and covering it up with an OCD work ethic. The youngest, who was also stabbed by her father, becomes terribly dysfunctional with affairs, drinking, the usual bad behavior but continues to see her father through visits to prison. Shea bad and good at the same time.

    The odd part is the writer identified them as Jewish. There was an opportunity to spin their faith into the story somehow or create a strong foundation through that culture but it never quite worked. That was a real miss for me. Otherwise entertaining, good plot and characters.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    The story was a little unbelievable because I found the characters a bit wooden. There seemed to be no connection between them. I mean an emotional connection. I thought most of the dialogue was a little scattered and uninvolved. It was a good time filler for myself,
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    The books get gradually better through the series. If you have some great stories like this one, you can publish it on Novel Star, just submit your story to hardy@novelstar.top or joye@novelstar.top
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I really enjoyed reading your book. I read enthusiastically and understood the story. If you have some great stories like this one, you can publish it on Novel star, just submit your story to hardy@novelstar.top or joye@novelstar.top
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Good pacing for most of the book until the jarringly abrupt ending, as if the author was tired of this project and just wanted to be done with it.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This book was a tough read, not because the prose was bad, but because it’s so full of pain. When Lulu is 10 and Merry is 5, their father does the unthinkable — he kills their mother, and then tries to kill Merry and himself. Lulu is only spared because she ran for help.What follows is the never-ending aftermath of such a horrific event. Do I believe that the girls’ family could essentially abandoned them? Yes. Not everyone reacts gracefully after a tragedy. Do I believe that Merry could continue to visit her father year after year after year, despite carrying the physical evidence of what he did to her? Yes. You can see every bit of manipulation, even if she can’t. Do I believe that Lulu could really stick her head in the sand and just pretend none of it ever happened? Yes. The guilt of being the survivor, the “one who got away”, is strong. Especially for an older sister who was already treated as a surrogate mother. Especially for the one who opened the door.It’s not a perfect book. There’s a lot of criticism that it’s repetitive, with Lulu and Merry revisiting the same situations and arguments over and over again. But I think that’s part of the strength of the story, showing that those things don’t just go away. You can’t just grow out of it. You can’t party it away. You can’t just ignore it and move past it. You eventually have to embrace it and hope to turn it into something positive, or at least, something you can live with.When there’s a report of a terrible crime or event, I think a lot about those who are left behind. Not just the survivors of the dead, but the ones who are injured. Those wounds, mental and physical, never completely go away. I think this book is a good illustration of that. No matter how much you want to yell at them “Just get over it already! Move on with your life!”, it’s not that easy. That pain is deep, and it may never go away.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This one was a toss up between a three and a four but ultimately the story made this one a four star read for me. I loved watching these sisters grow and deal with what had happened to them.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Two young sisters must navigate through their childhood after their father kills their mother. They are torn between two families and their hatred for the other side and eventually en up in the system. The story follows them into adulthood where their relationship with each other is complicated by the fact that one sister refuses to acknowledge their fathers existence and the other sister feels she must take care of her father in prison.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    One dimensional characters in a repetitive, boring story about, you guessed it, murderer's daughters.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This is the first Target Book Club pick I have read, and honestly wasn't expecting much. Pleasantly surprised, but not blown away.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    A combination of alcohol and passion change a family's dynamics within minutes and leave two sisters virtually on their own. Louise, the elder, continues her caretaking role, watching over and guiding Meredith. Paradoxically, their roles appear to reverse in regard to their father causing the one major disagreement between them. Regardless, they remain very close. I enjoyed The Murderer's Daughters but felt that at times it stagnated, was too balanced. An additional subplot or more variations in the storyline would have increased its depth and texture.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Upon reading the acknowledgements at the end of the book, this fictional story suddenly became a very probable autobiography of sorts, revealing that the author was possibly an orphan. Two sisters, orphaned when their father kills their mother, struggle with the aftermath of the terror and their own reluctance to forgive. It is a gripping story to the end, switching narratives between the sisters as their lives unwind.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    This was an OK book about two girls whose mother was murdered by their father. The killing was witnessed by the girls, and one of the girls was also wounded in the same paternal attack. I was always troubled by what seemed to me was rather unbelievable behaviour of the daughters (especially the younger, wounded one) after this incredibly traumatic incident. Also the relationship between the daughters, as adults, seemed unbelievable to me, and further, the major incident near the end of the book seemed very contrived. The murderer-father was also a completely unbelievable character to me. I think I might cross any other Myers' books off my wish-list.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    his novel explores the impact of domestic violence on the two young daughters of the family. The violence escalates to the point in which the girl's mother is murdered by their father. The novel explores the relationship which each daughter has with their father who is subsequently incarcarcarated, but who still attempts to maintain a close connection with his children. The children react to this in different ways, the older one who rejects the stigma of a murderer's daughter maintains the illusion that both her parents are dead. The younger girl, who was affected more both physically and emotionally continues to visit her father regularly while struggling to make sense of his behaviour and the impact this still has on her life. The climax of the book, in which the girl's secret is publicly revealed, forces each of the characters to accept the brutality which they have experienced and to make choices about how their lives will continue. A thought provoking read
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Wow. I don't know what its like to be in that sort of situation, or to witness something like what Merry and Lulu go through, and I hope I never do. I rooted for them, sympathized with their losses, and celebrated their triumphs. Amazingly written- the book covers over thirty years, and the narrating voice changes appropriately as the characters age. Just stunning and devastatingly good.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    When sisters Lulu and Merry are young girls, they witness their father stabbing their mother to death. The Murder's Daughters is the story of the aftermath and how each sister deals with being a "Murderer's Daughter". As they grow up, they have very different relationships with their convict father. I enjoyed this book more than I thought I would. It was very well written, with Lulu and Merry seeming like real people with very understandable reactions to almost incomprehensible situation. This would be a good book for a book club discussion, with the natural question: would you be more like Lulu or more like Merry?
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I couldn't stop reading this book. I became so caught up in Lulu and Merry's lives and their struggles to deal with the past and create a future. They are two wonderfully complex characters, and I loved watching them in their stubbornness and their growth. The writing is strong, the story compelling, and I can't wait to see what Randy Susan Meyers offers us next.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This was just an awesome book from beginning to end. Well put together with the book flowing like a river. I invested a lot of emotions into the reading of this book. My first book with this author and I'm will absolutely check into others. I keep thinking what an awesome movie this book would make.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This is the story of the aftermath of two girls whose father kills their mother. Told in alternating voices, this well written book asks a variety of questions and manages to answer many of them, but leaves others--as it would be in real life--unanswered.How do you survive such a horrific crime and still respond to forces (real or imagined) that compel you to not only survive but remain bonded to a criminal? One child cuts him off and the other feels compelled to hold onto him. How does each justify their position?I found the relationship between these sisters believable if not frustrating. The older girl, Lulu seems to call the shots and pay no price, either from her husband (who did feel a little too good to believe at times) and her sister. In fact the only consequence for her comes from an unrelated third party. I still loved this book. The characters were masterfully drawn and the story held my attention. Ms. Meyers' storytelling skill was compelling and I can't wait pick up her new book!
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    A story that will haunt you.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I could probably sum up this review in five words or less:This book is marvelous. Go buy it and read it immediately. Seriously. I remember when Julie told me about this novel, the plot intrigued me because it was about sisters and a subject matter I couldn’t fathom. When she included it in our challenge, I looked forward to reading it. There are many great things in this novel. Ms. Meyers gave us two strong female characters. I liked each sister equally, appreciated what they went through and how they developed into the woman they become. I loved how Ms. Meyers took us through their lives, from the traumatic incident through adulthood. I was enthralled by the great detail she employed in describing the emotional journey the sisters took. I loved that The Murderer’s Daughters is written through both Lulu and Merry’s points of view. It was fascinating hearing in their own words how their mother’s death affected them. I especially enjoyed when they spoke to each other, knowing they were at times holding something back. I loved that Ms. Meyers held true to the characters throughout the novel. She didn’t alter their core to fit the story. They moved through the novel as we do through life, taking what is handed to us and making something of it.One of the greatest surprises for me was how I felt about their father. I flat out hated him in the beginning and I was surprised by how my view of him changed throughout the novel. I’m far from cheering for him, but I did gain a reverence for him with the actions he took in his rehabilitation.I will leave you with this. This isn’t a brand new saying, I’m sure we have all heard it before in many different way. However, this resonated deeply with me this time around and like The Murderer’s Daughters, it will stay with me for seasons to come. “Then I’d calm down and remind myself for everything there is a season. This was my healing season. Eventually the leaves would all fall and new leaves would grow back.” Merry
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    When they are 10 and 6 years old, Lulu's and Merry's father murders their mother. This is a story, spanning over 30 years, about how the sisters grow up known both within the family and outside it, as "the murderer's daughters". Each sister copes in her own, very different way, yet they remain close and fiercely loyal to each other. This is a story about family, forgiveness and coming to terms with the past. It is well written (a page turner) with finely drawn characters -- excpet for Lulu's husband who is probably too good to be true!
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Lulu and Merry had never had an ideal childhood, but on the day before Lulu's tenth birthday their father does something that shatters their lives altogether. He has always hungered for the love of the girls self-obsessed mother, but after she throws him out, their troubles turn deadly. Lulu's mother has warned her never to open the door to him but when Lulu's father arrives at the house he bullies his way past her and into the house.What follows is horrific. Lulu listens to her parents fight and runs to get help. When she returns, Lulu finds that her father has killed her mother, stabbed her sister and tried to kill himself. For thirty years, the sisters try to make sense of what happened: one pretends he's dead, while the other feels compelled to help him. Their imprisoned father is a specter in both their lives, influencing all their life choices. They both fear the day when their father's attempts to win parole might meet with success.I enjoyed this book very much. It was very well-written and the characters were believable. I give it an A+!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Lulu and Merry’s father killed their mother. He was sent off to prison and they were sent into the foster-care system since none of the family wanted anything to do with the murderer’s daughters. Throughout their lives, Lulu wants nothing to do with her dad, while Merry is the one who visits him and is the good daughter. This story follows the lives of the girls for some thirty years from their childhood until their dad is released from prison. We learn what effect this incident has on them and how society threats these two and the secrets they keep. It is a magnificent story of betrayal, anger, disillusionment and survival. I was enthralled in the lives of these two tormented girls. A beautifully written debut novel.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    When a man kills his wife and tries to kill his 5 year old and himself, Lulu, age 10 and her little sisters enter a cold, uncaring world. They are both forever damaged, each in different ways. Pretty slow and depressing.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    This book was just OK for me. The premise of the novel sounded very interesting, and I would say the first half of the novel was very good. The first half of the novel dealt with the details of Lulu and Merry’s abusive childhood and the terrible conditions they lived in. This led up to the murder of their mother and what happened to the two girls after her death and their father’s imprisonment. The girls are bounced from family member to family member until they finally end up in an orphanage.As Lulu and Merry become adults, the novel became much less interesting and very predictable. One of the sisters is super straight-laced, living out the perfect life she never had as a child. The other sister is a slutty, emotional wreck, choosing relationships with men who are bad for her, and being generally directionless in life.The latter half of the novel was very predictable and lackluster. The amount of enjoyment that I derived from the first half of the novel was shattered by the latter half.I don’t think I would recommend this book. There are many more better and enjoyable novels out there and I wouldn’t advise wasting your time on this one.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Ten-year old Lulu's mother always warned her to keep her father out. But on Lulu's birthday, as her father's knocking got more and more incessant, she did open the door and the unraveling of their family began.Lulu his as their parents began to fight. Hearing the commotion and her mother's pleas for help, Lulu ran to the neighbors'. But when she returned, it was too late. Her mother was lying dead on the floor, her five-year-old sister Merry was on the bed with a gash in her chest and her father was nearby, with his wrists slit.Merry and Lulu's father do survive, and he is imprisoned for his crimes. Due to no fault of their own, the girls are labeled as the "murder's daughters" and shunned by their relatives. When their grandmother, who took pity on the girls, dies, they are sent to an orphanage and left to fend for themselves. Unfortunately, Lulu still feels as if her mother's death is her fault and refuses any contact with her father. Merry, on the other hand, visits him often in efforts to connect with her only remaining parent.As the girls grow up, Lulu becomes a doctor, wife and mother. Merry entertains herself with men and booze, not committing to anything or anyone. Both girls agreed long time ago to tell everyone, including Lulu's children, that their parents died in a car crash. However, as events come to a crescendo, they will be finally forced to deal with their past and face their mother's murderer.The Murderer's Daughters is a heart wrenching story, and if you're expecting a happy ending, don't look for one here. The girls' experience a terrible childhood and have to deal with irresponsible parents long before the crime; their lives would have likely been tainted even if the murder never took place.

Book preview

The Murderer's Daughters - Randy Susan Meyers

Part 1

1

Lulu

July 1971

I wasn’t surprised when Mama asked me to save her life. By my first week in kindergarten, I knew she was no macaroni-necklace-wearing kind of mother. Essentially, Mama regarded me as a miniature hand servant:

Grab me a Pepsi, Lulu.

Get the milk for your sister’s cereal.

Go to the store and buy me a pack of Winstons.

Then one day she upped the stakes:

Don’t let Daddy in the apartment.

The July our family fell apart, my sister was five going on six, and I was turning ten, which in my mother’s eyes made me about fifty. Daddy didn’t offer much help, even before he left. He had problems of his own. My father wanted things he couldn’t have, and he hungered for my mother above all else. Perhaps growing up in the shadow of Coney Island, Brooklyn’s fantasy world, explained his weakness for Mama’s pinup façade, but I never understood how he missed the rest. Her sugary packaging must have kept him from noticing how much she resented any moment that didn’t completely belong to her.

Mama and Daddy’s battles were the heartbeat of our house. Still, until the day my mother kicked him out, my father was the perfect example of hope against knowledge. He’d return from work each night looking for supper, a welcome-home kiss, and a cold beer, while Mama considered his homecoming her signal to rail against life.

How many hours a day do you think I can be alone with them, Joey? Mama had asked just days before he moved out. She’d pointed at my sister, Merry, and me playing Chutes and Ladders on the tiny Formica table stuck in the corner of our undersize kitchen. We were the best-behaved girls in Brooklyn, girls who knew that disobeying Mama brought a quick smack and hours spent staring at our toes.

Alone? Beer fumed off Daddy’s lips. For God’s sake, you spend half the day yakking with Teenie and the other half painting your nails. You know we got a stove, right? With knobs and everything?

Mama’s friend Teenie lived downstairs on the first floor with five sons and an evil husband whose giant head resembled an anvil. Teenie’s apartment smelled like bleach and freshly ironed cotton. Ironing was Teenie’s Valium. Her husband’s explosions left her so anxious that she begged Mama for our family’s wrinkled laundry. Thanks to Teenie’s husband, we slept on crisp sheets and satin-smooth pillowcases.

I dreamed of deliverance from my so-called family, convinced I was the secret child of our handsome mayor, John V. Lindsay, who seemed so smart, and his sweet and refined wife, who I knew would be the sort of mother who’d buy me books instead of Grade B faux Barbie dolls from Woolworth’s junky toy section. The Lindsay family had put me in this ugly apartment with peeling paint and Grade C parents to test my worth, and I wouldn’t disappoint. Even when Mama screamed right in my face, I kept my voice modulated to a tone meant to please Mrs. Lindsay.

Mama sent us to take a nap that afternoon. The little coffin of a bedroom Merry and I shared steamed hot, hot, hot. Our only relief came when Mama wiped our grimy arms and chests with a washcloth she’d soaked with alcohol and cold water.

Lying in the afternoon heat, impatient for my birthday to arrive the next day, I prayed that Mama had bought the chemistry set I’d been hinting about all month. Last year I’d asked for a set of Britannica encyclopedias and received a Tiny Tears doll. I never wanted a doll, and even if I did, who wanted one that peed on you?

I hoped Mama’s recently improved mood might help my cause. Since throwing Daddy out, Mama hardly yelled at us anymore. She barely noticed we existed. When I reminded her it was suppertime, she’d glance away from her movie magazine and say, Take some money from my purse, and go to Harry’s.

We’d walk three blocks to Harry’s Coffee Shop and order tuna sandwiches and malteds, vanilla for Merry and chocolate for me. Usually I’d finish first, wrapping my legs around the cold chrome pole under the leather stool and twirling impatiently while I waited. Merry sipped at her malted and nibbled itsy-bitsy bites from her sandwich. I yelled at her to hurry, imitating Grandma Zelda, Daddy’s mother. Move it, Princess Hoo-ha. Who do you think you are, the Queen of England?

Maybe she did. Maybe Merry’s secret mother was Queen Elizabeth.

After Daddy moved out, Mama instituted inexplicable new rules. Don’t open the door for your father and when you visit him at Grandma Zelda’s, don’t say a word about me. That old bag is just using you for information. And never tell anyone about my friends.

Men friends visited Mama all the time. I didn’t know exactly how to keep from saying anything about them. Not talking about Mama meant being outright rude and disobedient, since seconds after he’d kissed us hello, Daddy’s questions started:

How’s your mother?

Who comes over to the house?

Does she have new clothes? New records? New color hair?

Even a kid could see Daddy was starving for Mama-news.

I felt a little guilty at how relieved I was by Daddy’s absence. Before he left, when he wasn’t demanding or, later, outright begging Mama for attention, he’d be staring at her with a big, moony face.

I sometimes wondered why my mother had married Daddy. Because I was too young to do the math and figure out the time between their wedding and my birth, it had never entered my mind that I was the reason, and Mama didn’t invite girlie mother-daughter conversation. Mama didn’t cotton to anything smacking of introspection. That’s probably why she was so close to Teenie. Teenie didn’t dip into the deeper meanings of life. She’d spend hours and hours judging Mama’s fingernail polish, glancing away from her ironing long enough to pick the tone most flattering to Mama’s pale skin as my mother painted one nail after another.

I flipped the page of The Scarlet Slipper Mystery, sweat dripping from my arms. Since I could take only six books per visit from the library, I had to time it right, or I’d be stuck on Sundays rereading the five Reader’s Digest Condensed Books sitting on our red lacquered living room shelf. Green-bronze statues of fierce-looking Chinese dragons with long, sharp tails bookended the volumes. Symbols of luck, Mama said.

Black onyx boxes in various shapes and sizes with mother-of-pearl inlay covers decorated the living room shelves. They were smooth and cool to the touch. Mama’s father brought them back from the war in Japan. Mama’s mother, who we called Mimi Rubee, gave Mama the boxes after our grandfather died because Mama demanded them enough to drive Mimi Rubee crazy.

Mama was used to getting what she wanted.

Sun snuck over the walls enclosing our gloomy courtyard and blazed into the bedroom. I flipped and rotated my pillow, squashing it into semi-comfortable lumps, seeking a bit of cool cotton to tuck under my head. Merry, cross-legged on her bed, moved her paper dolls into various constellations. She propped them against the wall, folding down the tabs on first one outfit and then another, moving her lips for the silent plays they acted out for her alone.

Merry was supposed to be taking a nap, and I was supposed to be making sure she did. Merry looked all proud and happy wearing her apple green sunsuit, the one that tied on the top with little yellow ribbons. I hated it because I had to help her pull it all the way down, then tie it back up every time she had to go to the bathroom. Merry loved it because it came from Daddy. Grandma Zelda really picked it out, not Daddy, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to ruin Merry’s good times.

Merry was unusually cute, and I was unusually plain. People stopped us every day, bending down to gush over Merry’s black curls or her Tootsie Pop eyes—the chocolate ones—or to stroke her rosy cheek as though her skin were a fabric they couldn’t resist fingering. I felt as though I toted around the Princess of Brooklyn.

Daddy doted on Merry. Aunt Cilla had said that while watching Daddy pop M&M’s into Merry’s mouth one by one. Does it ever make you jealous? she asked my mother. Aunt Cilla, Mama’s sister, looked like a puffy blowfish version of my mother.

Yeah, right. He’s a big shot with the five-year-olds, Mama had responded to Aunt Cilla, but really for Daddy’s ears.

Merry made Daddy happy. I never did. He’d make a joke or something, and I’d narrow my eyes, wondering if the riddle or knock-knock joke was funny enough to merit a laugh. Then he’d get mad and say, Jesus, Lulu, do you have to analyze every single thing a person says?

I switched position on my bed, leaning on the windowsill with my elbows halfway out, trying to catch some breeze. Music from Mrs. Schwartz’s stereo blasted through the courtyard. Someone had probably told her to shut it off, which usually made Mrs. Schwartz turn it up. Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head played so loud that I missed hearing the first quiet taps on our front door.

Someone’s knocking, Merry said. I’ll get it.

Stop. I swung my legs to the floor. Are you nuts? Do you want Mama to kill us? Let me. You’re supposed to be sleeping.

Merry jumped back on her bed, landing with her feet tucked under her butt. She was skinny and small for her age. In her green sunsuit, she looked like a grasshopper leaping up.

I tiptoed to the door. Mama used our nap time to take her own nap, her beauty sleep, she called it, and she hated waking before her time. I held a finger to my mouth, letting Merry know to keep quiet. She opened her eyes wide, her Tootsie Pops asking, Do you think I’m stupid?

Our bedroom and the front door practically touched. I opened our bedroom door inch by inch, trying to be quiet. The knocking got louder. Who is it? I murmured, practically pressing my lips to the edge of the door.

Open up, Lulu.

I heard my father breathing.

Come on, Lu. Open it now.

I’m not supposed to let you in, I whispered, praying Mama wouldn’t hear.

Don’t worry, Cocoa Puff. Mama won’t get mad. I promise.

My eyes filled a little hearing my pet name. When things had been better, I’d been Cocoa Puff and Merry had been Sugar Pop. He’d call Mama Sugar Smack Pie, because he said that was the sweetest thing of all. Then he’d smack his lips and my mother would throw whatever she was holding at him.

But she’d smile.

I know you’re scared of Mama, but you have to let me in. I’m your father. Daddy lowered his voice to a conspiratorial tone. It’s my name on the lease.

I didn’t know what a lease was, but maybe he was right. I opened the door a pinch, leaving the tarnished chain on, and saw a sliver of my father.

He pulled up real close and smiled. His teeth looked cruddy, as if he’d eaten crackers or something without brushing after. He smelled like cigarettes, beer, and something else. Something scary. Something I’d never smelled before.

He put a hand up against the door and leaned in. The chain tightened. Unbolt it, Lulu.

I backed away, wondering if I should get Mama. I felt Merry behind me. I didn’t know if Daddy saw her. I didn’t think so. He would have said hello.

I’ll get Mama, I said.

"You don’t need your mama. Just open the damn door. I have something to give her."

I’ll get her for you.

Stop being stubborn. Let me in now!

He rattled the knob, and my heart shook.

Get back into bed, I whispered to Merry. When she disappeared, I reached up for the latch and chain. He let up on the door so I’d have the slack I needed.

Thanks, Lu. He touched the mezuzah nailed to the doorjamb, then kissed his fingers. He called it Jewish luck, the only kind us Jews get, he’d say. Then he chucked me on the chin. I pulled back from his acrid tobacco touch, wanting to wash my face.

You’re my peach. Daddy walked down the short hall, turning left at the tiny alcove where he’d wedged in a desk for me.

I hung behind, hovering halfway down the hall, and then slipped into the bathroom, cracking the door enough to hear, though I couldn’t see.

Jesus, Joey, you scared me half to death! My mother sounded nervous. I pictured her holding up the thin sheet she used for her summer naps.

Miss me, sweetheart? my father asked.

Louise, get in here now, Mama yelled.

I didn’t move. I didn’t say a thing.

We need to talk. Daddy sounded slurry.

Get out; you’re drunk. I have nothing to say to you. I heard her get up and my father stomp after her. The refrigerator door opened with a sucking sound. A can popped. They were in the kitchen.

You had plenty to say when you talked my paycheck out of my boss, didn’t you, Miss America? Daddy shouted. Did you wiggle your ass real hard?

Something thumped back in my room. Merry scampered down the hall, her bare feet sounding soft and sticky on the linoleum. I wanted to reach out and yank her into the bathroom.

I heard her stop at the couch, the springs squeaking as she jumped. I pictured her balled up, holding her knees and trembling. You could see into the kitchen easy from the couch.

Someone’s got to feed these kids. What am I supposed to do? Manufacture money? Mama asked.

I need that money back, Celeste. Now.

My mother mumbled something too low to hear. I opened the bathroom door wider.

I’m serious; give it, Celeste. Give it.

Daddy’s low voice thrummed like a machine. Give it. Give it. Give it.

Get out before I call the cops.

Something scraped.

Get out!

I need it. I need the money, damn it!

Something slammed.

My sister whimpered. Had she gone in the kitchen? I should get her.

Shush, quiet, Sugar Pop. It’s okay. My father’s words blurred together. I pictured him bending down, kissing the top of Merry’s head as he always did, wrapping one of her curls around his finger and letting it spring out and back.

Go to Mama’s room, Merry, Mama ordered.

Yeah, go to Mama’s room, my father repeated. Something clattered, as though a whole bunch of stuff fell to the floor. Bourbon, Celeste? You buying them booze on my money?

He sounded like he was crying. I slid against the wall and inched toward them.

Go to your mother’s. Mama sounded more mad than scared now. Get sober.

You think I give you money to buy liquor for your boyfriends?

Daddy’s voice had changed again. The teary voice had disappeared. Now he sounded big. Like a wolf. A bear. Heavy banging started. I pictured him slamming and slamming and slamming cabinet doors. Metal screeched, cracking like hinges ripping out of their sockets.

GIVE THE MONEY, MAMA!

Lulu, Mama screamed. He’s got a knife. He’s going to kill me. Get Teenie!

What if Teenie wasn’t home?

No, Teenie never went out.

What should I say?

I stayed frozen in the hall for what felt like my whole life listening to Mama and Daddy yell. Then I ran down the pitted stairs to Teenie’s apartment. I pounded my fists on her door over the sound of her television. I banged so loud I expected the entire building to come down. Finally, her youngest son opened the door. I flew inside and found Teenie in the living room watching Let’s Make a Deal and ironing her husband’s boxer shorts.

My father has a knife, I said.

Watch the boys, Teenie called to her oldest son as she unplugged the iron without even turning it off.

As we ran out of the apartment, Teenie yelled, Stay here, boys. Don’t move an inch!

We raced up the stairs. I wondered if I should get someone else to go with Teenie and me. Mr. Ford, maybe. He lived alone. He was a bachelor. Old. However, he was a man, even though my father called him a fruit.

No, we didn’t need anybody else. My father liked Teenie. He’d listen to her. She’d make him calm down.

We ran into our apartment, me right behind Teenie as she skidded through the living room and into the kitchen. Wide-open cabinets from where my father had slammed the doors open and shut showed our turquoise and white dishes. A broken door swayed back and forth in the strong, humid breeze blowing the curtains.

Mama lay on the floor. Blood dripped on the green and brown linoleum. Teenie fell to her knees, grabbed the edge of her wide cotton apron, and held it over the place on my mother’s chest where the blood pumped out the fastest.

Teenie looked up at me. Call the operator. Her voice cracked. Tell them to send an ambulance. Police.

I stared down at Mama. Don’t die.

Go, Lulu!

I ran into my mother’s room. The phone was next to the bed. Pink. A Princess phone. Merry lay on top of my mother’s pink and gray bedspread. Mama would scream her head off when she saw how blood had spread everywhere. The cute green sunsuit that made Merry into a little grasshopper was slashed down the middle, but the bows I liked to make with the yellow ties had stayed perfectly in place.

My father was beside Merry. Blood leaked from his wrists.

Did you call? Teenie yelled from the kitchen.

I picked the phone up from the night table, careful not to jar Mama’s bed, knowing she wouldn’t like it if I did.

2

Lulu

My grandmother Mimi Rubee sat at the table sipping black coffee and eating melba toast with cottage cheese. This was her breakfast and lunch. She was in charge of us now. Mama’s funeral had been over a week ago, on my birthday, though no one said anything at all about that.

I’d made myself a butter and orange marmalade sandwich, the only food in the house that I understood what to do with.

Every day since the funeral, I’d asked Mimi Rubee to take me to the hospital to see Merry, and every day she’d said no. I couldn’t breathe right, picturing my tiny sister all alone in some giant white building.

Can we go today? To the hospital? I asked between bites of my sandwich.

Please, I can’t take any more heartache today. She took a loud sip of coffee as if this proved her point. I promise you, the nurses take good care of her. I saw.

When then?

Soon. Maybe Aunt Cilla can take you tomorrow.

Aunt Cilla won’t go, I said. Besides, I didn’t want to go with Aunt Cilla. Difficult things became unbearable with my mother’s sister.

She’ll go, she’ll go. Mimi Rubee gave a long, wet sigh.

But Merry’s alone, I pleaded. She’s scared.

She spends most of the day sleeping.

Please, Mimi Rubee, please take me to see her.

Enough already! Mimi Rubee wet a paper napkin in her water glass and dabbed at the crumbs around my plate. Your sister’s fine. I told you a million times. Now stop. Can’t you see you’ve given me a migraine? She rubbed small circles on her temples.

I ignored the warning signs of what was to come—my grandmother’s rising voice, the compulsive crumb catching, the temple rubbing. Her savage scrubbing of the table. Merry shouldn’t be alone, I said.

"Enough! He did this to her! Mimi Rubee clutched her dyed red hair as though she was going to start yanking strands right out. A monster, that’s what he is, your father. A monster!" She banged the table so hard that my bread jumped, and her coffee sloshed over.

Mimi Rubee hadn’t let me go to my mother’s funeral. I’d stayed with Grandma Zelda, Daddy’s mother. We’d watched hours of television, one show melting into another, neither Grandma Zelda nor I bothering to change channels. We just stared at whatever shows came on while Merry lay all alone in Coney Island Hospital, my father rotted in jail just like everyone kept saying, and Mimi Rubee buried my mother in the ground. I imagined Mimi Rubee screaming so hard at the funeral she could almost have woken up Mama.

Mama used to call Mimi Rubee a real Sarah Bernhardt, who was apparently some old-time actress. Some afternoons, Mama would sip a cup of Sanka with brandy and reminisce about the fits Mimi Rubee threw when she and Daddy started dating. Mama did a great job mimicking Mimi Rubee’s phony cultured accent, enunciating each word as she did her imitation: You’re too young, too beautiful, and too thin, for God’s sake. Don’t throw yourself away. You’ll never be this slender again.

Mama always finished the story by grabbing at the nonexistent fat on her thighs, giving a sad chuckle, and saying, Remember, Lulu, in the end, mothers are always right. No one else tells you the truth.

After her crying fit, Mimi Rubee headed for one of her headache-driven afternoon naps. She went into her room, closed the blinds, and climbed into bed. She called out for me to bring the special white enamel bowl with the chips all around the edge. The bowl was in case she vomited. Then I brought her a cold washcloth for her forehead, making sure it wasn’t drippy.

Once I’d done this and cool air blew from the metal fan I’d dragged to her bed, she sighed and gave me a weak half smile. With a few tears wetting her lashes, Mimi Rubee declared me her little soldier. You’re always so good. That’s why your mother loved you.

Mimi Rubee’s migraine pill took hold, her breathing got heavier, and she fell into a noisy sleep. I tiptoed out and closed the door behind me. I grabbed my shoes from under the sofa, a plank of teak similar to the rest of the furnishings in the apartment. After Grandpa died, Mimi Rubee had stripped away the dark Victorian furniture and dense Oriental rugs he’d loved and, declaring her desire to be up-to-date, bought Danish Modern and fluffy rugs with sunsets woven in them. I slept on the knuckle-hard sofa and woke up most mornings cramped in a knot. Mimi Rubee promised me she’d buy a Castro Convertible when Merry got out of the hospital.

As Mimi Rubee napped, I got out the phone book and copied the address for Coney Island Hospital. The hospital was on Ocean Parkway, the same street as our apartment, but Ocean Parkway went all the way from one side of Brooklyn to the other. The hospital was way down near the boardwalk where Grandma Zelda and Daddy lived before in a tiny bungalow near the water. Someone tore the bungalow down years ago, but I had seen it in pictures.

I wrote Went for a walk on a note for Mimi Rubee and left it on the kitchen table. After slipping a dollar from Mimi’s wallet, I put on my sneakers and left.

Unsure of which bus to take, I walked up McDonald Avenue to Ocean Parkway. I looked around for a bus stop. I wanted to get away fast, before Mimi Rubee woke up and came looking for me. Finally, I turned in the direction of Coney Island and the ocean and began walking.

Hazy white sun heated my bare shoulders. My wrinkled shirt felt sweaty and bunched up where the shirttails tucked into my too-short jeans. Whoever had gone into our apartment to put together my clothes and other stuff had chosen random things that made no sense at all. Instead of the locket my mother had given me when I turned eight, stray Monopoly pieces were crammed into my ballerina jewelry box. Galoshes rested on top of my bathing suit. Each day I rummaged through the strangely packed paper bags crowding Mimi Rubee’s closet.

Today, I’d searched for something to take to Merry—the tiny stuffed moose we’d named Bullwinkle, the frog puppet she slept with—but only crumpled clothes and jigsaw puzzles we never played with were stuffed in the bags.

Even with my hair pulled up into a ponytail, a sticky dampness enveloped me as I walked block after never-ending block. Merry and I got red rashes in the heat. My mother called it prickly heat and dusted our necks with Cashmere Bouquet. She’d shake the powder from the pink can and rub it on us until the sweet-scented dust filled our nostrils.

I finally saw the huge white hospital rising in the distance and sighed with relief. I felt like I’d been walking an entire day. Before going on, I stopped at a familiar-seeming corner candy store. Like at Greenburg’s—where I’d bought Mama’s cigarettes—newspapers, school supplies, and magazines crowded the shelves, but this place looked a lot more run-down than Greenburg’s.

In the back, I found a shelf of dusty toys. I picked through the selection, looking for something that might comfort Merry. A stuffed tiger was cheap, but his mouth was mean, his filling seemed made of crumpled paper, and he looked hungry enough to eat a little girl. An old-fashioned doll with brown ringlets had eyelids that clicked as they blinked. She wore a pink dotted dress. Merry would love her. She’d name her something like Mitzi or Suzi. Merry loved names with z and i, but Mitzi-Suzi was marked one dollar.

I picked through water guns, paddleballs, and packages of jacks. Finally, behind some old Halloween masks, I found a tiny wooden cradle no bigger than a fat man’s thumb. Inside was a minute pink baby doll covered by a miniature yellow blanket. After searching for a price sticker, I picked it up and carried it to the old woman at the cash register. How much? I asked.

She squinted at the doll lying in the cradle, then at me. I closed my hand around the worn bill in my pocket. Despite the heat, the woman wore an old gray cardigan. It looked like a sweater a grandpa would wear, all pilled and stretched.

Fifty cents.

I nodded and put a Zagnut bar, a pack of Juicy Fruit gum, and a roll of cherry Life Savers, Merry’s favorites, next to the doll. I put my dollar beside it. The lady snatched it, handed me back a dime, and returned to her Daily News.

Could I please have a bag?

A bag? she asked as though I’d requested free candy for life.

A vibrating thrum ran through my throat. I wanted to throw the doll and candy at her. A bag, I said. I need a bag.

The woman drew a thin brown bag from underneath the counter. She stuffed everything in, and the bag tore along one side. She thrust it at me.

My throat hurt from wanting to scream. I need another bag, a bigger bag.

She poked the bag toward me with a swollen finger. "This fits

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