Death Row's Oddest Inmates
By Ty Treadwell
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About this ebook
Robert Vickers killed his prison cellmate because the other man drank his Kool-Aid. Varnall Weeks believed that after his execution he would be reincarnated as a giant turtle who would rule the universe. Hit man and former Elvis impersonator James Paster tried to escape from his cell by slathering himself with hair tonic and squeezing through a tiny air vent.
Death Row’s Oddest Inmates features 13 of the most bizarre and unique killers the prison system has ever seen. Meet a man who wore a homemade toga during his trial and asked for the bodies of his victims to be brought to the courtroom so God could resurrect them. Learn how triple murderer “Smelly Kelly” earned his dubious nickname, and read about the sadistic serial killer who sued the state of California for cruel and unusual punishment because one of the cookies on his prison lunch tray was broken.
Also included are special sections on wacky murder weapons, massive last meals, and the looniest last words ever uttered. Despite the gloomy surroundings, there’s no shortage of silliness and outlandish behavior on death row.
Ty Treadwell
Ty Treadwell's short stories have appeared in Writer's Journal, Unreality, Over My Dead Body, and many other magazines. He has also sold over 150 non-fiction articles. His awards include a gold medal in the essay category at the 2008 GAMMA Awards and first prize in the 2007 Travel Writing Contest sponsored by Writer’s Journal. He once taught writing classes for Clayton State University, and he now teaches an online writing class that attracts students from across the country.Treadwell is also co-author of the book Last Suppers; Famous Final Meals from Death Row. He is currently at work on a variety of both fiction and non-fiction projects.
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Death Row's Oddest Inmates - Ty Treadwell
Death Row’s Oddest Inmates
By Ty Treadwell
Copyright Ty Treadwell
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Table of Contents
Introduction
Robert Vickers
Monty Delk
James Paster
Spotlight On: Wacky Weapons
Pernell Ford
Daniel Colwell
James Kelly Moss
Spotlight On: Jailhouse Jokers
Horace Kelly
Christopher Newton
Charles Singleton
Spotlight On: Laughable Lawsuits
Varnall Weeks
Aileen Wuornos
Spotlight On: Massive Last Meals
Stanley Baker Jr.
Edwin Hart Turner
Spotlight On: Loony Last Words
Introduction
Every social group has one member who’s a little off. Maybe their sense of humor is a bit edgy, a bit inappropriate. Maybe they talk too loud, smile too wide, or have a strange look in their eyes. They might have bizarre hobbies and interests, or use words you’ve never heard before. One minute they make you laugh, the next minute they make you nervous.
In school, it’s the class clown. At work, it’s the office prankster. And despite the gloomy surroundings, every death row cell block has at least one oddball as well. Some of them goof off, act silly, and make nonstop wisecracks. Others have a dry, more sophisticated sense of humor. Some are amazingly articulate. Others ramble and rant like a mystic yogi on LSD. Some are regarded as flawed geniuses. Others are just flawed.
So if a convict cracks jokes about their own impending execution, does that make them totally warped or just a little bit weird? If a prisoner invents their own language or discusses space ships and time travel, should we consider them brilliant or brain-damaged?
It would be easy to simply label them all insane, but that would be a broad and inaccurate conclusion. Insanity is a highly popular defense strategy—especially during murder trials—but it’s often used as a last-ditch effort when every other legal appeal has failed. Some killers do have past histories of mental instability, but others only show signs of dementia after spending countless years in prison.
Psychiatric experts have also pointed out that while it’s nearly impossible for an insane criminal to fake being sane, a sane criminal can pretend to be deranged without much effort. One of the most famous cases of this involved David Berkowitz, the serial killer known as Son of Sam. In court, Berkowitz claimed that a demon who took the form of a black dog instructed him to murder his six victims. Less than two years after he was convicted and given a 25-to-life sentence, Berkowitz admitted that he made up the stories about demons and dogs.
In a reverse situation, lawyers for Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski thought an insanity plea would help their client avoid a death sentence, but Kaczynski—whose mail bomb campaign killed three people and wounded 23 others—refused to go along and swore that he was mentally sound when he committed his crimes.
So what’s the verdict on all those jailhouse jesters whooping it up in their cells? Are they clever and cunning, or just plain peculiar? The jury’s still out on whether it’s creative genius or malfunctioning brain matter that fuels their actions, but one thing’s for certain; despite the lack of sunshine, fresh air, and other pleasantries of daily life, there’s apparently no shortage of silliness and outlandish behavior on death row.
Robert Vickers
The inventive skills of Thomas Edison. The resourcefulness of MacGyver. And the poor spelling ability of a slightly dim first grader. Put them all together, add a dash of humor and a spoonful of psychotic rage, and you’ve got Robert Vickers—or Bonzai Bob,
as he was known in the prison circuit.
Vickers began his life of crime at an early age; he developed a fondness for stabbing other children with pencils, and was arrested for the first time while still in sixth grade. As a teenager, Vickers turned his attention to theft. He once committed 12 burglaries in a 13-day period and confessed to dozens more while in custody. But it wasn’t until Vickers entered the prison system that his criminal rampage truly began.
After being jailed for grand theft at age 19, Vickers added another 10 to 15 years to his sentence by stabbing a fellow inmate. Shortly afterward, Vickers was given a new roommate; convicted killer Frank Ponciano. The arrangement lasted less than two weeks.
One day while Vickers was napping, guards delivered lunch trays to the cell. Ponciano failed to wake Vickers up, and also drank the Kool-Aid from the other man’s tray. Vickers was so enraged that he strangled Ponciano with a bed sheet then stabbed him with a homemade shank made from a sharpened toothbrush. Once Ponciano was dead, Vickers used the shank to carve bonzai—a misspelled version of the famous Japanese war cry—into the other man’s back.
At least he didn’t spell it bonsai. There’s nothing less badass than those tiny little trees.
Bonzai Bob
then yelled for the guards, saying Get this stinking son of a bitch out of my cell! I think he died last night.