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    The Ultimate Kid's Joke Book
    The Ultimate Kid's Joke Book
    The Ultimate Kid's Joke Book
    Ebook153 pages1 hour

    The Ultimate Kid's Joke Book

    By Peter Coup

    ()

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    About this ebook

    We can't possibly play football out there - the pitch is wet through!
    I know - the first years have been doing dribbling practise all morning!

    This hilarious bumper book includes over 1000 jokes. Packed with sparkling rib-ticklers and dozens of cartoons, it includes all the best joke themes, including:

    • Knock knock jokes
    • School and teacher jokes
    • Funny foods
    • Ghosts and ghouls
    • Space and aliens

    It promises to keep young readers laughing for hours!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherArcturus Publishing
    Release dateMar 25, 2013
    ISBN9781782122708
    The Ultimate Kid's Joke Book

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      Book preview

      The Ultimate Kid's Joke Book - Peter Coup

      TEACHER, TEACHER

      Why did the maths teacher take a ruler in his car?

      So he could see how long it took him to get to work in the morning!

      I hope you aren’t going to spend the whole lesson watching the clock!

      Certainly not, Sir, I have my alarm set for 3.45, and I’m hoping to have a little nap later!

      What do you shout when Santa Claus does the register?

      Present!

      COLLECTIVE NOUNS….

      A NUMBER of maths teachers!

      A RANGE of cookery teachers!

      A TEAM of P.E. teachers!

      A CONCENTRATION of science teachers!

      A BAND of music teachers!

      A FOREST of woodwork teachers!

      A BANK of economics teachers!

      A SCHOOL of headteachers!

      Teacher - Sally, give me a sentence with the word aroma in it!

      Sally - My uncle Fred is always travelling, he’s aroma!

      What did the ghostly music teacher play?

      Haunting melodies!

      Why do vampire teachers not like computers?

      They hate anything new fangled!

      The maths teacher is feeling run down today!

      Wow! Did anyone get the number of the car that did it?

      What happens to a maths teacher’s class when he retires?

      Before or after you’ve woken them up?

      My maths teacher is a real peach!

      You mean she’s pretty?

      No - I mean she has a heart of stone!

      Teacher - I’d like a ticket to Cambridge please!

      Travel Agent - Single sir?

      Teacher - No, actually I’m married to Miss Whelk the Chemistry teacher!

      We can’t possibly play football out there - the pitch is wet through!

      I know - the first years have been doing dribbling practise all morning!

      Teacher - what is the plural of baby?

      John - Twins!

      In the Bible it tells us that God was a healer!

      I know that, Sir, because he gave Moses some tablets!

      If you multiply 245 by 3456 and divide the answer by 165, then subtract 752, what will you get?

      The wrong answer, Miss!

      Blenkinsop, what do birds eat for their breakfast?

      Tweet - a - bix!

      What’s the difference between a train and a teacher?

      A train says choo - choo but a teacher says take that gum out of your mouth this instant!

      Why did the scruffy schoolboy finally take a bath?

      Because he realised that grime doesn’t pay!

      Blenkinsop - your parents are multi-millionaires, and yet you still smell awful!

      That’s because we’re filthy rich, Miss!

      Inspector - How many teachers work in this school?

      Pupil - Very few!

      How do you make a sick insect better?

      Give it a T, then it will be a stick insect!

      What do history teachers do before they get married?

      They go out on dates!

      Who teaches all the boys called Ed?

      The Ed teacher!

      I didn’t use a recipe for this casserole - I made it out of my own head!

      I thought it tasted of sawdust…

      What‘s the difference between a school and a headmaster’s car?

      One breaks up and the other breaks down!

      Teacher: What is an island?

      Pupil - A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side.

      Teacher - On one side?

      Pupil - Yes, on top!

      Violin for sale - going cheap - no strings attached!

      Why did the teacher pick Snodgrass to be teacher’s pet?

      Because he is the person who looks most like her dog!

      What has 22 legs, is dripping wet and sings out of tune?

      The school football team in the showers after a match!

      What type of soldier likes music?

      A sharp major!

      Why did the music teacher ban skeletons from keyboard lessons?

      They have no organs!

      Why is that boy locked up in a cage in the corner of the classroom?

      Oh, he’s the teacher’s pet!

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