69 Explosive Divorce Tips: The Divorcee’s Guide for Surviving Emotional Landmines
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About this ebook
“You’re going to be all right.” Those words, spoken by her attorney, gave author Carolyn Fox something to cling to when she was going through her divorce. Later, as an attorney herself, Fox ushered clients through the legal pathways of their divorces. She noticed that like herself, her clients were experiencing many of the same emotions, and they often followed the classic model of the five stages of grief.
Fox details how divorcees move through denial, depression, fear, anger, and acceptance. It begins with the four words almost no one wants to hear, “I want a divorce,” and moves through practical tips that can be applied even when you’re at the end of your emotional rope. The tips range from surprisingly practical—crying only once a day in the shower—to unconventional—it’s okay, talk about your ex-spouse.
As an attorney and divorcee who’s seen it all, Fox offers one more stage: hope. When you reach this stage, you’ll emerge a stronger, wiser person. The fires of the divorce process will forge positive personal change. Fox has seen it in her clients and in herself.
Fox knows it takes time and effort to emerge a better, not bitter, person on the other side of a divorce, but she also knows you have it in you. She knows because, to her amazement, she found it in herself. It was after her divorce at age forty that she became an attorney, a motorcycle enthusiast, a licensed pilot, and an author.
"69 Explosive Divorce Tips" offers hope and challenges you to live life to the fullest. Your new life awaits—what will it be?
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69 Explosive Divorce Tips - Carolyn M. Fox, Attorney
Conclusion
Prefaces
Divorce is a nasty business.
Regardless of whether you’re the one wanting out of the marriage or the one left behind, your world is irreversibly changed. In time, you may find yourself sitting in a divorce attorney’s office overwhelmed at the endless legal decisions you have to make. Your attorney will want to discuss the children, custody, child support, visitation as well as the finances, division of assets including the house, cars, property, and all your stuff. She’ll delve into the smallest details of your life. It may sound offensive, but this is your attorney’s job. Even after all the information is gathered, you may find yourself in court explaining all of this once again to a judge. And while it seems the legal process never ends, you’ll have the assistance of your attorney, and there are countless books and online articles to help guide your way too.
However, what is rarely discussed in the attorney’s office, is the emotional impact of a divorce. As an attorney, I’ve helped hundreds of clients navigate the legalities of divorce, but I believe it’s equally as important to educate my clients about what they can expect emotionally.
The purpose of this book, then, is to focus on the emotional elements of a divorce rather than to discuss legal issues. While there are helpful tips for both parties, the primary purpose of this book is to address the emotions of the person left behind, the divorcee.
When I began writing this book, I decided to address the reader as if you were sitting in my office and we were having a conversation. I use the words you and I, and I try to avoid complicated legal terms.
I have shared many of these tips with previous clients, as I wanted them to understand the potential emotional landmines that are frequently encountered during a divorce. Preparing yourself for the highs and lows that are common in the divorce process is key to obtaining your eventual happiness and feelings of self-worth.
As with any suggestions, some tips may speak to you while others may not. When I began the divorce process personally, my attorney said one thing to me that dramatically changed the way I felt at the time: You’re going to be all right.
His statement was a lifeline for me, and I have never forgotten it. If just one of my tips helps you, then I consider this book a success.
It’s my wish for you that through these tips, your divorce will be as stress-free as possible, and that your life is changed for the better.
Introduction
I know from my work as a family law attorney and from personal experience that a divorce is an extremely stressful experience. The one remaining can expect to endure a wide range of emotions. You’re likely to feel overwhelmed, intimidated, and frightened. You may feel like your life is out of control and you’re on a downward spiral with no power to stop the misery.
Many of my clients have expressed similar feelings as they began the divorce process. These feelings are quite common, so please know that a lot of people have been where you are now. They survived their divorces, and so will you.
It may surprise you to learn that these dreadful feelings, while horrible to experience, are actually normal and even necessary. It’s the process of working through the various emotions that come up in a divorce that allows you to heal and survive the divorce intact.
So it’s here that I want to assure you that while the trauma of a divorce can be emotionally draining and demoralizing at times, there is an end to it. For many people this end will bring a positive personal change. I know this must sound mind-boggling at this phase, but most folks really do come through the divorce experience stronger and wiser. I have confidence that you, too, will survive your divorce and in time become a more self-assured person.
If this is so, then why are divorces so hard on us? It’s because when we’re confronted with a divorce, it attacks us at our core. It challenges our feelings of self-worth, taps in to our fears of abandonment, weakens our ability to trust, and launches us on a roller-coaster ride of real or false emotional highs, then plunges us to debilitating lows. In short, it wears us out physically, mentally, and emotionally. Some people describe the divorce process as a character-building experience, but quite frankly, it’s one experience that most of us could live without.
Over my years as a family law lawyer, one of the interesting phenomena that I observed was that my divorcing clients not only experienced the same emotions as each other, but they also often progressed through them in a similar order. As they worked their way through the emotions, I noticed a familiar ebb and flow and