Exploring Your Unplanned Pregnancy: Single Motherhood, Adoption, and Abortion Questions and Resources
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About this ebook
By looking only for books that confirm your pregnancy decision you may feel reassured at the cost of making a mistake that irreversibly changes your life. Please, read this award-winning book instead. Use it to get some distance from your immediate emotions and widen your perspective. You can reality- check your assumptions and make your own best decision. A physician wrote it with the help of 15 other professionals (12 women and 3 men). In it you’ll explore essential questions about single motherhood, adoption, and abortion to help you carefully think through your decisions about your unplanned pregnancy. You’ll find resource chapters that inform you and save you time in getting help. You can use the book to open a conversation with loved ones. It won the 2016 IndieReader Discovery Award in the Women's Issues category. Useful information on assessing your partner’s readiness for parenting and a video can be found at the .com website by the book’s title.
Deciding to be a mother includes being willing to be a single mother should you lose your partner. The book’s single motherhood questions help you explore how single motherhood would affect you, your partner, your child, and your family. Use it to assess your single mothering skills. Or your partner’s. The resources help with cost calculation, money, fathering, and stress management.
Adoption agencies now have more flexibility to respond to your choices about the adoption process, selecting adoptive parents, and post-adoption arrangements. New choices are available to shape a future relationship with your child. Using the resources, discover the various types of adoption, adoption law, expense payment, maternity homes, and how to make connections.
Besides legal and ethical issues, the abortion chapters discuss miscarriage, types of surgical abortion, supportive resources, medical abortion with RU 486, paying for abortion, and finding appropriate abortion providers
Jeff Duffey MD
For years women have shared their insights with Dr. Duffey. Out of their differing voices come this book’s unique wisdom and compassion. They confided in him the questions they regretted not asking themselves about their pregnancies. He relays those to you. Yet, as a psychiatrist, Dr. Duffey didn’t work just with women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. He treated their parents, single mothers, and women who have had abortions. He saw birth-mothers, adoptive parents, adoptees, people glad they were born and those wishing they hadn’t been. Their views give the book its depth. Dr. Duffey consulted with gynecologists, nurses, psychologists, counselors, and other professionals. He searched extensively for reliable resources. He selected 78 that offer you help in pursuing your decisions. Working through this book and its resources make it less likely you will make a mistake than if you just browsed the biased internet. Can you afford to make a mistake?
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Exploring Your Unplanned Pregnancy - Jeff Duffey MD
Exploring Your
Unplanned
Pregnancy
Single Motherhood, Adoption, and Abortion Questions and Resources
Jeff Duffey MD
The author would like to thank all the professionals from various fields who have so graciously offered their time and expertise in helping the author with the writing and editing of this book. They have made a valuable contribution. The author dedicates this book to them.
Exploring Your Unplanned Pregnancy: Single Motherhood, Adoption, and Abortion Questions and Resources by Jeff Duffey MD
Previously published under the pen name Tyne Traverson
Copyright © 2015 by Cairde, Karuna & Hedd Publishing, LLC
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. Write to Cairde, Karuna & Hedd Publishing, c/o Taylor English Duma LLP, 1600 Parkwood Circle, Suite 400, Atlanta, Georgia 30339
ExploringYourUnplannedPregnancy.com
Cover by Aaniyah Ahmed | 99designs
99designs.com/profiles/aaniyah
Design by Williams Writing, Editing & Design
www.williamswriting.com
Index written by Carol Roberts of Roberts Indexing Services
www.robertsindexing.com
First Edition 2015
Library of Congress Control Number 2015931573
URLs are provided for informational purposes only and their mention should not be considered a recommendation. The author is not responsible for the content of these sites. See the disclaimer in chapter 1 for more details.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Preface
Disclaimer
1: Laying the Groundwork
This Is Your Decision
Reaching Out to Others
Avoiding Overload
Examining Your Values
Remembering Reassuring Beliefs
A Range of Feelings
Handling Self-Destructive Feelings
Taking the Long View
The Decision-Making Process
Perseverance
2: Basic Questions About Single Motherhood
You
The Biological Father
Your Child
Your Family
3: Basic Questions About Adoption
The Two-Parent Family
The Role of the Adoption Agency in Reflecting Your Wishes
Types of Adoptions
Expenses
The Adoptive Parents
Your Future Relationship with Your Child
Issues About the Legal Father, the Biological Father, and Your Other Children
Comparing Risks
4: Basic Questions About Abortion
Ethical Issues
An Avoidance-Avoidance Conflict
Timing
Your Child’s Interest
Outside Pressure
Emotional Health
Missing Motherhood
Illegal Abortions
Miscarriage
Abortion Types
5: Single Motherhood Resources
Books and Book Lists
Some Costs of Single Motherhood
Comprehensive Websites with Leads to Many Resources
Financial Assistance, Food Assistance, and Grants
Money Management
Saving Money
Sharing
Bartering
Avoiding Paying Full Price
Avoiding Extra Expenses
Doing It Yourself
Thinking Creatively About Making Money
Taking Care of You
Preparing to Date Again
Helping Your Child Get More Fathering
Being Approachable
Getting More Education and Job Skills
6: Adoption Resources
An Overview
Adoption Agencies
Independent Adoptions
Adoption Law
Maternity Homes
Choosing an Adoptive Family
Adoption Scams
Teen Pregnancy
Contraception
7: Abortion Resources
Seeking Answers About Your Pregnancy
Determining How Far Along You Are
Medical Abortion
Surgical Abortion
Examples of Specific Provider Websites
Finding a Provider
Paying for the Abortion
The Fetal Pain Issue
The Emotional Effects Issue
Emotional Support After the Abortion
The Laws in Your State About Abortion
Contraception
8: Conclusion
Appendix
A-1: The Biological Father
Passionate
Permanent
Partner-Ready
Problem-Solving
Parent-Material
Productive
Personable
Protective
Secrets
Unhappily Married
His Parents
Inherited Diseases
Your Husband Is Not the Biological Father
A-2: Supplementary Questions About Single Motherhood
The Joys of Single Motherhood
Positive Alternatives to Having a Child
Single Mothering Skills
The Effect of Your Single Motherhood on Others
Handling Stress
Physical Health Concerns
Finances
Your Energy
A-3: Supplementary Questions About Adoption
Considering Different Perspectives
Explaining Your Adoption Process to Others
Selflessness
The Adoptive Process
Added Responsibilities
Anticipating Future Relationships
A-4: Supplementary Questions About Abortion
Preconceived Ideas
Another Abortion
Rh Incompatibility
Acknowledgments
From the Author
Bibliography
Index
Preface
Single motherhood? Adoption? Abortion? When you have an unplanned pregnancy, these are the decisions you have to face. Making the right decision is hard. Use the information and essential questions this book raises to help you carefully think through all of your options. It was written, not to make you decide a specific way, but to help you make the right decision for you and your situation.
If you already know what you want to do about your pregnancy, reviewing the questions may confirm that you’ve made the right decision for you. The practical information in the resource chapters will streamline your search for qualified assistance and save you time.
Your decision about your pregnancy is essentially irreversible at some point. You have to live with it the rest of your life. Can you afford not to study this book to make your decision your own well-thought-out selection?
In examining the drawbacks of each decision, you may start to feel as if any decision you make will be the wrong one. Women have decided on each of these options and years later been satisfied their decision was right for them. You can make a decision that will be right for you as well.
This book addresses your concerns whether you are married, in a relationship, or completely single. The term single motherhood
is used in the title to underscore the fact that any woman may become a single mother. Through divorce, widowhood, the breakup of your relationship, or the health limitations of the biological father, you eventually may have to raise the child as a single mother.
Many women find that their perspectives on their pregnancy change over time. This change of perspectives is normal. It’s important to consider everything you can: thoughts, feelings, plans, family, friends, culture, personal situations, values, and anything else that affects your decision.
This book appeared under the pen name Tyne Traverson until the author realized readers don’t trust authors they can’t know. Though the author is an MD, the important thing is whether what the author has written rings true to you.
This book attempts to be completely unbiased. Because certain words and phrases have so many negative or positive associations, using them can influence conclusions. Emotionally charged words like pro-choice
or pro-life
have been deliberately avoided. The purpose here is to help you make the best decision for you, whatever it is.
Women become pregnant under many circumstances. Your romantic partner and the sexual partner who is responsible for your pregnancy may not be the same person. For simplicity, this book will assume they are the same person and male. Even though your pregnancy may not result in their becoming a father, this person will be referred to as the biological father
for consistency.
Adoptive parents are referred to as though they are male and female, though adoptive parents may be of the same sex or transgendered.
The