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    Please Don't Go Before I Get Better
    Please Don't Go Before I Get Better
    Please Don't Go Before I Get Better
    Ebook174 pages1 hour

    Please Don't Go Before I Get Better

    By Madisen Kuhn

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    About this ebook

    Discover this exquisite poetry and prose collection about the pains of growing up from the popular millennial Instagram poet, perfect for fans of Amanda Lovelace and Rupi Kaur.

    Following her breakout debut Eighteen Years, poet Madisen Kuhn is thrilled to share this intimate portrait of a young woman navigating early adulthood and leaving her teenage years behind.

    Chronicling the complexities, joys, and challenges of this transitional phase of life, Please Don’t Go Before I Get Better is a powerful, deeply affecting work that pierces your heart with its refreshing candor and vulnerability. A poignant exploration of self-image, self-discovery, and self-reflection, this anthology brilliantly captures the universal experience of growing up, and you are bound to find yourself reflected in these glimmering pages.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherGallery Books
    Release dateMay 1, 2018
    ISBN9781501196829
    Author

    Madisen Kuhn

    Madisen Kuhn is a writer living in Charlottesville, Virginia. She likes to explore topics of identity, belonging, sexuality, and mental illness in her work. In 2015, she self-published Eighteen Years, a collection of over 200 poems. She is currently pursuing a BFA in Studio and Digital Arts.

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    Reviews for Please Don't Go Before I Get Better

    4/5

    67 ratings4 reviews

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    • 5/5
      This is a reflective collection on those first years of adulthood when you’re just scared, lonely, nostalgic, and longing - coming to terms with the fact that you don’t have a clue but that’s okay because none of us really do and there was not an essential school lesson that you missed. This is a story of love and coming of age - trying to balance the highs and the lows without giving up feeling anything at all. I did enjoy the prose and I do think many interesting thoughts and realization that plague twenty-somethings of this age are touched on. Would recommend.
    • 2/5
      a book about heartbreak and boys, well written if you can relate

      2 people found this helpful

    • 5/5
      by far one of my favorite collections of poetry to date.
    • 1/5
      She honestly could've just left this whole book as posts on Tumblr. They're very melodramatic and coming from an adult, this is of poor taste.

    Book preview

    Please Don't Go Before I Get Better - Madisen Kuhn

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    this is for anyone who aches to feel understood.

    for anyone who is aching to find some sort of connection in a world full of missed ones. i hope that you find reassurance in these pages. that they validate your own journey and assure you that you are not alone. that is all i could ever ask for. that my words make you feel something. that you read what I’ve written while navigating the confusing and windy roads of existence and feel that your soul has been met with understanding and acceptance. you and i, we are linked in love and the energy that steadily courses through the universe.

    we are trying.

    rough draft

    you make so much sense

    amidst the tangled vines of

    learning and unlearning

    please don’t go before i get better

    sleep talk

    i want to keep falling asleep to your voice till the world stops existing. i wish i could dissolve up out of my body and take a photo from above of me lying here, arms outstretched and duvet covering most of me except for a few strands of hair peeking out because then you could see how tired i am, i am so tired.

    sunday, april 23rd

    the panic begins at night

    and it follows me through

    the day,

    anchors me to my bedroom

    floor when everyone begins to

    shut their doors and turn out their

    lights

    my ceiling doesn’t look like

    a galaxy, or even just a

    ceiling, it feels like a hand

    lowering

    itself, slowly,

    until i’m stuck beneath fingernails

    i change my sheets, bathe my dog,

    it lingers inside my throat

    my twin mattress feels like i’m

    drowning in a bathtub

    there are tan lines on my

    shoulders where your arms should be

    in my house, i’m not alone,

    but when the moon is in the sky,

    and my friends are in their beds,

    and these incessant thoughts

    are in my head,

    i might as well be

    landmark

    nineteen has taught me a lot about being alone. i’ve listened to chvrches a lot these past few months. a lot when i’ve been alone—in my room, on the bus, in my car. tonight, i knew i’d be by myself since i was getting there late and it’s nearly impossible to find friends in dead zone music festivals. i don’t like being alone in public for the most part. it makes me nervous. but tonight was something i really needed. i let go of all my anxious thoughts and allowed myself to be in the moment. i danced in my overalls and chucks, surrounded by strangers who i knew didn’t care how ridiculous i probably looked (white girl cursed with no rhythm).

    i was completely alone, surrounded by hundreds of people, consumed by music that i love, and it was so full. they played tether, which is a song i’ve been dying to hear live for a while now. it was amazing. i couldn’t stop thinking about how happy i was. a girl i didn’t know, whose friend was in a bear suit, came up and hugged me because she was just so excited. (thought this random pda was super cute even though it was probably drug- or alcohol-induced. whatev.)

    it was a magic hour that made me feel so alive. it was a moment i didn’t mind being alone in.

    i’m learning how to spend this time alone with myself. you begin to notice these moments: in your room, in the car, at the mall. grocery shopping, getting your cracked phone screen fixed, driving home for the weekend. it’s scary and new and weird. it can be hard, and it has been for me. i’d never really thought about how lonely these years could be. of course i’m surrounding myself with friends that i adore, but time spent alone is unavoidable. and being alone isn’t necessarily bad. it’s just a part of life. someone can’t always be there with you at the doctor’s office or in the bookstore line. i’m getting to know myself very well in these moments in time where the only company i have is myself.

    i needed tonight. i needed to let go and not care who was looking. i needed to sing and jump and be happy. it’s amazing how music can do that: make life feel so much more real.

    magnets

    i’m in a constant battle with reality and pretend

    with who i am, who i want to be,

    and

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