6 Stages To An Experience

6 Stages

to an Experience

C.T. Robinson

~~~

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2018 by C.T. Robinson

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Dedication

I would like to give roses to the cultivators of my life. There's no secret how I got here. It was your support, understanding, and love that helped propel me through some dire times. With this in mind, I would like to dedicate this book to my family and most notably the six young ladies that I play the father role for (Doresha, Desire, Jamya, Kaitlyn, Courtney, and little Rylee Morgan). You girls will be my legacy when I'm gone. To my mother, you are my heartbeat. Thank you for always being there and sacrificing your dreams for ours. None of this would be possible if it had not been for your selflessness. To my father, everything happens for a reason. Every time you didn't always live up to your end, you prepared us for life. I learned so much from you vicariously that has helped me avoid so many pitfalls in life. Thank you. To Tedric (Tackle Jones), you are my strength. Life is not worth living if you are not here to enjoy it with. You are my gift from God and I do not take you for granted by no means. To Sikia and Colliar, my wish has and will always be for you two to shine brighter than we ever did. You two are the most naturally talented of the fantastic four. To Antonio Gaines, life has not been fair to you and loss could be your story. Yet, you never make excuses and your story is my hope. You are my brother. To Ms. Bertha Mae Robinson, we are all forever indebted to you. Not only did you raise your kids (Walter, Sharon, Rhonda, Charles, Lashanda, Cynthia, and Michael) but you raised your grandkids as well. Thanks for being all of our strength, comfort, and safe havens. Lastly, Michael Robinson. What can I say? Your words inspire, your love comforts, your loyalty is everlasting. You have been more than an uncle. You have been like a father to us all. Thank you for every time you took the time to tutor, mentor, and school us on life. Most importantly, thanks for being that figure we all strive to be. To the rest of my generation (Tonya, Demetrius, LaTodd, Carico, Deon, Latoya, Sharon, Jeffrey, Courtney, Sharonica, Raven, Trinice, Jasmine, Rodney, Shekita, Calvin, Terry), we have always been there for each other. We fought, fellowshipped, and shared so many memories. You guys made the struggle worth living. Thanks. To Love, thanks for always having my back regardless of the circumstances. To my kinfolk mafia family, all my mentors, and the entire Robinson family, I am nothing without you guys, and I mean that wholeheartedly.

Table of Contents

THE BEGINNING

THE INFLUENCE OF MUSIC

THE WONDER YEARS

BEING THE ONE

LOST ART OF COMMUNICATION

SOCIAL MEDIA AGE

SCIENTIFIC METHOD

THE INTRODUCTORY STAGE

COMFORTABILITY STAGE

IMAGERY STAGE

CULINARY ARTS

EYES OF PROMISE

THE JONES EFFECT

THE HANCOCK EFFECT

EXPRESSION

SLIPPING

SEPARATION

THE FOOL

LOST

HUMBLED

MY LETTER TO LOVE

So much of life is played out in many different roles. We see these roles played by some of the world’s greatest actors and actresses. They depict chivalry, sacrifice, redemption, corruption, and so forth. No matter how much Hollywood tries to capture elements of life, they will never truly capture everything. Partly because the truth doesn’t always sell or capture some audiences. Thus, we end up with based on a true story movies that are geared to pull on the heart strings of the audience and draw them into the main character or the protagonist. However, the book that the movie is/was based on has more candid details and less theatrics. I am proud to say that I actually enjoy romantic comedies. There’s usually one character who just can’t seem to get things right or who has been hurt in the past. This person usually meets a very pretentious costar whom he/she quarrel with in the beginning. The two continue to collide by fate, conversations are had, and an understanding is formed. This understanding usually leads to one of the characters revealing some deeply hidden truth that draws the other character into a form of empathy. This empathy grows into compassion that matures into one big love scene. What does all this mean? Basically, nothing! Now that I have your attention, your life is a movie. If you had to tell your story, would anyone want to hear it or be inspired by it? The only thing that separates this movie called life from those in theaters is the scene continues until you are no longer alive. Too many times people are ashamed of their upbringing and choices made. It haunts certain people and they never achieve the fullness of life because of regret and guilt. Just like the movies, people usually live their lives to satisfy their audience and the people around them. Be true to your character. It’s the turning points and different plots that make you unique.

Let’s discuss a character that is never really cast or his story is never really shown in detail. What about the guy who doesn’t believe in love? The guy that believes that relationships are merely propaganda. Still don’t know? The guy whose male role models all showed him the ways of being a lady’s man from his time as a youth. His female support system was never married or were caught in love affairs with men they couldn’t call their own. You know, the guy who was raised to believe that life was about the ride and not the experience. Moreover, over the course of his life, life continued to give him mountains of evidence to prove these theses to be factual. What goes into changing these patterns of thinking? If you were the person involved with him or merely a reader, what would it take for you to gain that level of empathy that turns into compassion? Many believe it is a choice and that the behaviors exhibited by this character is all in good cowardly fun. However, no one ever sees the why behind his behaviors or the thought patterns that go into living this type of existence. Just like anything else in life, this lifestyle is a constant battle to refrain from the actions that society deem as deviant. Believe it or not, it’s not all peaches and mountains. There are many valleys and feelings to just isolate. Being that this role is not like others, most don’t know how to handle it and have to grow into it while receiving all the backlash and criticism for living this way. There is always a focus on self-improvement, but the pace of the improvement is never pleasing enough for most people. Despite popular belief, every guy does not believe in marriage despite their belief in spirituality. Every woman doesn’t want the kids, husband, and a dog scenario. There are factors in their lives that contribute to these notions, are deeply embedded, and continue to direct their dealings with the opposite sex. We can talk about the sheer number of women to men in this world. It is mathematically impossible for every woman to have her own man if every man was faithful. I would pose the question to the reader. If every man got married and remained monogamous to his wife as society mandates, would you be comfortable being one of those women to every one relationship that will never be in a relationship or have her own man? These numbers do not exclude homosexual men or men who are incarcerated that will never see the light of day. These are just humans born with a Y chromosome. We could also debate or challenge nurture versus nature in this moment or I can tell you a story of someone who is living it. In order to know where I’m going, I must first take you to where I have been. Reflect with me…

THE BEGINNING

Can you recall the first time you laid eyes on your special someone? The feeling, the pitter patter of your heart, the gasps in breath, and the silence that spoke so fluently. In movies, the pretty lady walks in, wind blowing through her hair, makeup is perfect, and there’s not a flaw insight. Moreover, the time stops, people become mannequins, and it’s just the lead character and her. Well, life can be similar to the movies if we use our creative side. Just as someone thought of those scenes and scripted those words, so can you and I. I reflect to the day I met her.

Time yielding to a complete stop

Eyes focusing, beholding an object of desire

Scanning every measure of her

I’m lost in her eyes

Her smile fills me with warmth and I am invited into her world

I speak with a gentle handshake and an uncontrolled smile

She smiles back.

Our eyes intertwine for seconds that feels like hours.

Surrounded by the masses, yet it’s just the two of us

She releases my grasp as I slowly let go of hers.

My eyes are communicating, but my mouth is mute

We depart.

I turn for another view to watch her leave

All of a sudden, she turns

Our eyes find each other again.

A gentle smile from her warms me once more.

At that moment, I knew.

The beginning of relationships are the most hilarious. Nerves are rattled, fear of saying the wrong things, questioning your past and wondering if you will be judged for it. We revert back to childhood. Giggling when you think of them, being shy around them, and both are afraid to come fully out their shells. It’s sort of like the behavior exhibited around that strict parent or guardian. You know the consequences to your actions, so you try to avoid any hindering mistake. We spend hours talking and communicating throughout the day with little regard for sleep, work, or school the next day. You find yourself daydreaming and fantasizing about the what ifs and the possibilities. Gossip ensues as you attempt to tell your friends just how awesome this person is with hopes that they will see him/her the way that you do. Each activity done is different because it has never been done with this person. To you, there’s an edge to things. Commonalities and past histories intrigue you. You want to patch the wounds that have been suffered over the years. You hear how they have been wronged by others and feel you are the missing link to their life’s chain. Often times, you wonder how different your life would be if you had met this person years ago. I call this falling in like with someone.

It’s funny when someone likes you, they are more willing to do things for you. Liking someone is doing all the chivalrous things that in today’s society are deemed as lame, corny, and thirsty. Things like calling to say you are thinking about them, going on dates (without the expectation of sex), holding hands in public, opening doors, and giving her your coat when it’s a bit chilly outside. It would seem that these things would only get better or performed more when the L word is introduced. By L word, I do mean love. Ironically, that’s not the case. What happens to that joy of liking someone when love is attached to the relationship? Why is it harder to willingly do things for your partner without them asking like in the beginning of the courtship? Why is it so hard to have actual phone conversations with your partner when the love is established? Is it because of boredom? Complacency? Do we become disinterested? Is it possible that while we fall in love, we like our mates less? Being honest with yourself, how many of you have actually asked one of these questions? The old adage states that what it took to get her, it will take to keep her. It just seems that we are always working to get the woman, but after she’s acquired, the thrill of the pursuit is gone. Men are natural hunters since the beginning of time. This is just my theory, but I feel the thrill of the chase is more rewarding to most than the actual capture. Tyrese has a song and, in the song,, he describes a feeling that I think many guys experience at one point in their lives. It says I was excited.. because I was falling.. falling in love with you.. now that I’ve fallen .. what am I gonna do? It seems as if we get so caught up in trying to get the girl that the plan after she is acquired is not thought out. At this point, we are merely winging it. You can even generalize it to your occupation. We all have a position that we strive to have. We work tirelessly trying to show that we are qualified and show the requisite skills to hold that position. Once we are in that position and there is no other room for growth, do you still work as hard as you previously did? Do you still go the extra mile to make sure everything is complete and in order? Or do you relax a little, relish in your accomplishments and delegate much of the things you would have made sure was thorough? I’m not saying that you can’t relax in a relationship, but I’m saying while relaxing, let’s not lose sight of the image we portrayed to our lady in the beginning. Remember, you never have to stop anything you never started. If it was gifting, then I pray your pockets are out of shape. If it was constantly traveling, then make sure your passport runs out of places to be stamped. If it was the way you made love to her, then you have to give her what she wants when she wants… how she wants… any time she feels she needs it. Yes, I quoted Bobby Womack. Guys, it’s like our favorite sports team or player. We follow the news in reference to them. We track trade rumors and personnel changes. We argue and defend them whenever someone is trying to sully their worth. When the team is struggling, we have all kinds of ideas why they are struggling and what it would take to make the team better. When the team is winning, we wear the logos with absolute pride. We brag, boast, and even rub the success of the team in other’s faces. Just think if we paid this much attention, put this much effort, and brainstormed our relationships like this. Imagine how different things would be. Is she worth the same pride, passion, and broadcast as your favorite team? I will touch on this again later.

Notice that I failed to mention anything about sex in the stagnation of relationships. This was done with a purpose in mind. This book is not about relationships at all. However, just as relationships have peaks and valleys, so does our sex lives. Think of the first time you were intimate (not sexual), but intimate with your partner. All that unrelenting passion, uncontrollable lust, and the thoughts that ran through your mind like a flood. It’s a magical time for the two of you. It’s the drive and enthusiasm of satisfying them, the worry of competency, and the thoughts of the day after. The cuddling and touching, the long passionate kisses that causes temporary euphoria, the bodies joining and acquainting themselves, and the prolonged gazing into each other’s eyes. We have all been here. For guys, this form of intimacy might as well be called Viagra because we are erect and ready the whole time. Although we are trying to be respectful and not make it seem that it is all about sex, sex is on our minds this entire time. It’s obvious the girl feels and sees the erection, but she can and will maintain her innocence. Many women will not make this first move to engage in penetration. Instead, a man feels like he must try to coerce and seduce her. She’s smarter than you think guys. She knew before you and she arrived whether or not tonight is the night. It’s calculated. For most women, this is the time where their minds are being freed enough to ponder sex with that person. You are being graded on whether it will be worth it. Women enjoy the sensual touches, passionate kisses, and the true animalistic lust coming from their partner. That feeling of being desired and wanted is what most women want from their partners.

Now, you may not actually have sex this night. If not, it’s okay. She is testing you. In today’s world, everything is about sex. Sex sales! It used to be a taboo and now it’s marketed everywhere we turn. With this in mind, many people would like to guard themselves from those who are just window shopping (just trying to fuck) from those who actually want to purchase (be in a relationship). Can you really blame them? I adopted the motto that she will touch me before I touch her. I know everyone is not me and that’s fine. Learn more things about her by actually talking to her first. Women will tell you all the answers to the test if you would just actively listen. Think about this, your lady drops hints about the things she