Living on a Prayer

Living on a Prayer

by Marina Roy

Cover design by: Marina Roy

28.01.2019

Copyright Marina Roy 2019

Also by this author:

Poems, Prayers and Promises

My Black and Blue Lulu

She Thinks Like A Kitty

Bisou

Charlie

Ed’s Special Hat

Ed’s Winter Field Trip

Ed Is Goalie

Ed Goes Sliding

Ed And The School Bully

Ed Goes To A Birthday Party

Ed Goes To Church

Ed Goes To A Funeral

Le Petit Chapeau d’Édouard

La Sortie de Classe d’Édouard

Édouard est Gardien de Buts

Édouard célèbre un Anniversaire

Édouard va Glisser

Édouard va à l’Église

Édouard et le Méchant

Édouard va à des funérailles

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Table of Contents

Chapter I

Chapter II

Chapter IIIChapter IV

Chapter VChapter VI

Chapter VIIChapter VIII

Chapter IXChapter X

Chapter XIChapter XII

Chapter XIIIChapter XIV

Chapter XVChapter XVI

Chapter XVIIChapter XVIII

Chapter XIX

Living on a Prayer

Chapter I

It doesn’t matter. I don’t really want to go, Mary replied when her husband told her he might be able to get tickets to an upcoming concert.

Do you still want to go? he needed to know this time before the tickets were sold to someone else.

Why not, it’ll cheer you up and do you so much good to get a night out, he went on. You like his music, I know you do, Don pleaded.

It’s not what’s stopping me, Mary replied. It was difficult to be with Don lately but she did not want to say that not wanting to be so blunt. She found it increasingly harder just doing small talk when there was so much that remained unspoken. The years and problems has taken their toll as they grew further and further apart to the point when she felt there was nothing further that could be done to save their marriage. She had tried many times to get Don to hear and listen to some of the things she had wanted to say but it had never led to anywhere significant and things remained basically the same. All their years together she had hoped and wished that one day they could get past their problems and be best friends again as they once were during their first year together. Six years into the relationship things were worse than ever. All hope was gone.

Can we afford it? It’s going to be an expensive evening with having to pay for a babysitter as well, Mary said.

Don’t worry, I’ll find the money for that. It’s been a long time since we went to a concert together, Don answered.

I don’t know if I want to spend all that money on a concert, Mary continued thinking of a few other ways where she could spend that money.

Their years together had been filled with problems which began when she had realized that Don had a serious drinking problem. Once to three times a week he came home late after having spent the night out at the bar drinking after work. Matters went from bad to worse. She had no idea what she was getting into.

Then financial problems had surfaced one day, when off from work, Mary had answered the telephone only to find out that one of Don’s creditors was looking to be paid for some overdue debt which she had had no prior knowledge of. More telephone calls of that nature came. Later on, late rent notices and other such unpleasant and nasty matters came about also. She had never been late to pay her rent and had always paid her bills on time.

Mary had decided to stick by Don certain that they would shake these problems off if they worked together. She could not imagine life without Don as she loved him. She helped him with the bills but the drinking was to remain a problem throughout their relationship.

Shortly after they had met they had decided to live together and had rented a lovely apartment with a wood-burning fireplace. Mary loved her new life. She had wanted to be in a committed relationship and, finally, it had happened. Don had always been good to her showering her with presents during their first year together. They enjoyed going out several times during the week. They had a pretty good life together she thought.

Don had been married but had had no children. He had moved to Toronto from Vancouver shortly after his separation from his wife of 14 years. He had to start over again in a new city. He had to rebuild his client base and his first year was very difficult but he never complained to Mary. Bills were piling up on him fast and his keeping things from Mary would soon end.

Mary would help by putting up half her salary by paying the rent. Often she paid for groceries too. She paid for various household items, little by little, with the rest of her money. What she did not realize was there was something other than unpaid bills that Don had been keeping from her all this time. The time to tell the truth arrived.

I’ve got bad news to tell you. We have to talk, Don told Mary. She had felt that something was up for a few weeks prior to that time but there was no way she could have expected what was to come next.

A few years ago I was stopped for driving while impaired and I have been delaying the hearing for two years. This is my third offence, Don added scared at having to tell her this truth and what might occur as a result.

What? Mary said in shock, all at once realizing what it all meant. What is going to happen to you, to us? she inquired in disbelief even though she pretty well knew the answer.

My lawyer tells me I will get some jail time and my driving privileged will be suspended for one year, he said.

How could things get this bad? Why did you not tell me this before? she asked.

I was afraid to lose you, Don said and Mary believed that little piece of truth out of all the lies.

What is your mother going to think? she asked. What about my family? she worried already embarrassed. She worried that her family would find out about this and only told her one sister and asked her not to tell anyone else. She was ashamed that the others would think less of them. She felt downgraded.

Mary thought of leaving but to do so would have meant betraying someone she still loved and abandoning a friend in his time of need. She wanted to see him through this and to show him that love could conquer all. With all the love and strength that remained within her she was certain that it could and would be done. She believed that underneath it all, Don was a good man. If she had not believed that she could not have stuck by him.

When he was under the influence of alcohol his personality was kind and gentle. He was as a little boy and Mary felt compassion and tenderness towards him despite the fact that his alcoholism increasingly filled her with confusion and sadness.

Go ahead and get the tickets we’ll go, Mary said finally agreeing. I need to have a good time as you said and I intend to put it all behind me even if for just a few hours, she went on.

Great, we’ll have a fun time. I think we’ll be able to get something decent. I don’t know how good the tickets are going to be but they shouldn’t too bad I think, Don replied.

In the following days she had unusual thoughts such as, I feel unattractive and unlovable and I don’t want ‘him’ to see me looking this way. Why in the world would I think these thoughts? she wondered. I don’t know him and he knows me even less, I am married with a child and I am older than he is. I am not his type, Mary thought sure of herself trying to be sensible.

These thoughts would keep popping in her mind every once in a while and she always tried to push these thoughts aside. She knew better than to think that way now didn’t she? That was just too impossible and far-fetched and pure fantasy on her part her rational mind believed.

She knew very little of this man and Canadian pop star. Mary would hear his music on the radio, as did everyone else, and she could remember the first time she had heard his voice. That voice had touched her soul as nothing had ever before. I’ve got to see the face too, she remembered thinking that day.

She had yet to see his face and it was a long time before it happened. She had seen him sing on television a few times and there was no doubt that he was handsome she had thought but so did thousands of others. He looked young with a bad boy look to him as well. He stood tall, six feet at least, and muscular, the type of physique she liked. He displayed a head full of black hair and dark brown eyes. His face was masculine with strong bones and chin. He was the kind, a music man you knew not to take too seriously.

A year or so earlier she had watched him being interviewed on television. He is like me, Mary thought sensing a very sensitive, shy and deep nature in him. She felt as if she could see herself in him all the way to his soul. She had been close or so she had thought once in the past but never in this way. Never had she felt so alike and akin to anyone else before. That feeling came from deep within her. Would I ever meet a man like that? That never happened in real life. It only happened in romance novels and movies. Yet a part of her always dreamed and believed that it was possible. It had always been inside of her, deep down in her soul, to believe that there was someone out there for each one of us. Only some were lucky enough to meet the person that was meant for them and some just did not, either not knowing what to look for at love or fate having other plans for them.

She was somewhere between the two, only she did not know it. She believed and yet she did not as she had hardly ever seen real love in her life No one had taught her about love, a love that is giving without being demanding, a love that is freeing rather than restricting. Yet, she knew that love should be more than a feeling. Anyone call feel love but not everyone can make love live through their actions. She had looked and longed for love since she was in her teens, but she had never found it always ending up in unhappy relationships instead.

Wonderful! I can’t wait. It’s only a week away now, Mary said in a better mood. "How much did you have to pay for them? she inquired.

I ended up paying $40.00 each which is not too bad, Don told her.

Mary had grown up in a family of alcoholics in a small town somewhere in the province of Quebec, Canada. She was the fourth child in a family of five girls and two boys. He father had been an alcoholic for all of his adult life. Her mother had separated from him when Mary was 6.5 years old. Mary’s mother was to become gradually dependent on alcohol by the time Mary was a teenager.

Life had not been easy for Mary having left home at the age of 16 to move with one of her older sister already living in Toronto to escape her dreadful life at home. She just couldn’t wait to leave home. Moving to the big city was an exciting time in her life. She had always dreamed of living in the city and recalled that, when she was really young, 6 or 7 years old, she had a vision that one day she would live in a big city. That memory had always remained with her and it had been a long time in coming the day that it actually happened.

She remembered the first day when she arrived in Toronto. It was the 1st of July, 1976 and she felt overcome with wonder as she rode on the bus into the city streets while keeping her face looking out the window in amazement. She thought that it was absolutely just beautiful. And, yes, it was a hot and sunny day. Her sister had an apartment in the heart of the city on the 19th floor. Mary spent much of her time on the balcony that first day looking down below at all the activity. The city did not scare her at all and she soon got to know her neighborhood and was back to high school within a short while.

She had decided to quit going to school six months after her arrival in Toronto and had soon begun working at a full-time clerical job and had continued to work until Melissa, her daughter, came along when Mary had turned 32 years old.

Mary worked hard through the first years in Toronto working in the daytime and going to night school to learn English grammar and keyboarding and next to get her diploma as a legal assistant. Over the years she became proficient at her job earning an excellent wage. She was proud of her achievements.

If her working life was going well her personal life was less than fulfilling. She had not been as successful in obtaining happiness in that area of her life. Her childhood still haunted her present more than she was aware as the remnants of that life still had its marks on her. She had a long way to go before she could and would let go of her childhood.

As far as men were concerned she had o idea what to look for. She wanted to be loved so much she would have done anything to please. She moved too fast and either scared them away or simply just picked the wrong one. When there was a good man that really cared about her she either did not recognize it or she would just find fault with him or thought him too boring. She was accustomed to chaos and dysfunction and anything else that would be closer to normal seemed and felt strange to her.

Following the break-up of a two year relationship at the age of 19 she took up figure skating which is something she always wanted to try and liked very much.

In the following 4 to 5 years skating would bring her many hours of pleasure as well as a place to meet friends.

It was during one of those skating outing that she met Maury. Maury was much older but he was kind and had a way to make her feel unconditional love. As time went on they became inseparable. It was the first-ever loving long lasting relationship she had with a man. Maury was her best friend and it always remained a platonic relationship.

Maury talked to Mary a lot about how to love herself. They would spend hours discussing love, friendship, spirituality mostly, intuition to name a few. They could talk about anything. He would give her books to read and recommend them also. He was the father she had never had but she was unable to give him more. Maury wanted more but for Mary that could not be. She never forgot her friend but then Mary met Don and Mary and Maury drifted apart only to talk once or twice a year. Mary also lived far from Maury and distance played a role to a degree.

Don’t forget to book the babysitter for Friday. Are you looking forward to it? Don asked trying to make conversation with Mary.

I’ve already booked the babysitter, Mary replied. I wouldn’t forget you now that, she went on trying to be as excited about it as Don was.

I just wanted to remind you just in case it had slipped your mind that’s all, he said.

I know you meant well. Thanks for reminding me, Don, she told him.

When her parents had separated all 7 children had been put in foster homes and for the most part with relatives when possible. She had remained in foster care with her uncle and aunt for about 4 years.

Mary remembered well the night of the break up of her parents Her mother had left her father several times previously only to return to the family home eventually. Several times she had escaped to safety and had run all the way to her sister’s house in the night when her husband came home drunk and angry for some reason or other and took it out on Mary’s mother. He would even stay out at night just to watch the house to find out whether Mary’s mother would entertain male company which was totally unfounded. He was totally jealous of her. Neighbours had seen someone with a shotgun in the night hiding behind the shed facing the house and this neighbour told this to Mary’s mother.

It was during one of those nights that Mary’s brother awoke her and her siblings and told them to hide under the bed. Mary remembers her older siblings talking about their father having a gun and to hide and stay out of the way if he came in. Mary was petrified but knew better than to make any noise or cry.

The fighting had begun one afternoon when Mary’s father wouldn’t let her mother attend a family gathering. He hated his in-laws and to be fair his in-laws had never liked him from the start and always gossiped and meddled. Mary can still remember her father laughing at something and her mother crying while she made her children lunch at the kitchen counter that dreadful day. It was the first time that she saw her mother and father in a fight and her mother crying. The fights usually occurred while she was sleeping at night, thank God! A short while later an aunt and uncle had come to fetch Mary’s mother. Mary’s father would not let them go. Another fight arose outside and Mary’s mother had left with them never to return this time. She went to live with her parents who took her in.

The following days were filled with tension and everyone walked on eggshells. The older siblings were unfairly put in charge of the younger siblings. Mary and her younger siblings were told to keep quiet so as not to arouse their father’s anger. I might add that they were quite the obedient children never whining or complaining. They did what we were told simply. They’d played with one another without bothering anyone.

During those early days of the separation, and what was to be for a few years following their separation, Mary’s father stalked Mary’s mother day and night so much so that she was scared to leave her parents’ house even during the daytime. He was everywhere somehow. At night he would knock on window panes. One night, while Mary’s mother was bathing, he threw a bottle through the window pane and broke it. Mary’s mother screamed in horror but was otherwise physically unharmed.

One evening, shortly after the separation, Mary’s grandfather came at the house. He knew Mary’s father was not home as the car was not in the driveway. The children were informed that the police would attend to pick them up in a short while. Her grandfather had not dared use the telephone for obvious reasons. It had been decided that it would be safer to have the children removed from the house while he was away from home. Mary was upset at the