Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life: A Kick-Butt Approach to a Better Life

INTRODUCTION

I'm a simple guy. I have simple ideas. It's true. I believe that everything it takes to become more successful either personally or professionally is simple. Idiot simple, in fact.

Want to lose weight? Eat less—exercise more. Simple.

Want more money? Earn more—spend less. Simple.

Want to be more successful? Stop doing the things that keep you from being successful. Again, simple.

There is nothing complicated about success. We make it complicated. We even want it to be complicated. The reason we want it to be complicated is that believing success is complicated gives us a reason not to be successful—after all, it's complicated! Stop believing all that complicated crap and come over to my side where life is much simpler. Come over to my way of thinking where money is easy, success is simple, and where most every problem you have can be solved with simple solutions.

Before you start to disagree with me about how simple life is, please notice what I am saying. I am using the word simple. Never have I used the word easy. I don't believe there is anything easy about being successful. Easy is much different than simple.

Is it a simple thing to eat less? Absolutely. Is it easy to do? No. Is it a simple concept to exercise more? Sure! Is it easy to do? Not at all. It's hard to eat less and exercise more. I know! I try to do it every day and it's hard for me to do and I know it's hard for you to do too. But I also know it's simple.

I never kid around when it comes to telling people that success is hard work. I know it is because I have worked hard my whole life. Still do. I do things right now that my buddies of similar stature in the business would never do. I am not too good to work hard. I often do big seminars where I have a staff of people packing and unpacking books and other products and I am right there with them. Lifting, carrying, packing and unpacking, and selling stuff just like they do. Do I have to? No. Then why do I? Because there is work to be done and I'm not too good to do it.

Every aspect of success requires hard work. I once did a big wealth seminar put on by a major seminar company where one of the guys on the program had a booth that displayed the headline, The QUICK and EASY Way to Become a Millionaire. He was selling a program that cost thousands of dollars and I knew it was all total BS. I knew he was preying on the fears of the crowd in order to take their money. What he was doing certainly wasn't illegal or maybe even unethical or immoral by most people's standards. But what he was doing just wasn't right by my personal standards. I went onstage and told people to be careful of anyone who promises that becoming a millionaire is quick and easy. I know lots of millionaires, and every one of them would agree with me that becoming a millionaire is always slow and hard. I also told them that I knew the other speakers at the conference would sell 10 times more product than I did because they were promising the crowd that they could all become millionaires and I wasn’t. The other guys said anyone could become a millionaire and that it wasn't hard at all. Those are lies and I told the crowd that. I knew that few would buy my products because I wasn't going to kiss their butts and promise something that wasn't true. Not just anyone can become a millionaire. Why? Because few will work hard enough to make it happen. I was right; each of these guys sold hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of their products and I sold about a tenth of that. One of the speakers came up to me at the end and said I was pretty rough on the other speakers by saying what I said. I told him I couldn't sleep at night promising people something that I knew they couldn't actually make happen. I told him I was just out to tell people the truth whether anyone liked it or not. He asked me how much I sold and he told me he sold 20 times that much. He was proud. I thought he should have been ashamed. The people who bought my stuff actually got some value and some truth.

That's what I'm going to do throughout this entire book. I promise you that I will never try to sell you an idea that you can't make happen if you are willing to do it and combine it with some hard work. I won't blow smoke up your skirt and tell you that having a positive attitude will fix your problems. I will always tell you my version of the truth. And my version is simple and involves lots and lots of hard work. Did I mention hard work? Again—it's always going to take hard work!

That's why many people don't like what I have to say. Yeah, I know, who could possibly not love every word, right? Believe it or not, it's true. People don't like what I have to say because I promise hard work is the key to changing your life. Hard work is never going to sell like a positive attitude is going to sell, but it will get you a lot farther.

So there you go. A simple guy with simple solutions to all of life's problems and a promise that you have to work your butt off to make it happen. That's what you can expect from me every time. And while this book is full of ideas on how to be more successful, I could summarize my simple principles of success for you with these few lines:

Your life is your own damn fault.

Take responsibility for it.

Learn what you need to do to fix it.

Take action on what you've learned.

Know that hard work on the right things is the key to changing your results.

Enjoy the results.

BEFORE YOU START

Don't even think about beginning this book without a highlighter and a pen and paper handy. There's a lot of good stuff in this book, and you're going to want to highlight things to refer to again later. I also encourage you to make notes in the margins and fill in all the forms and to write in the book all you want. It's your book for your private use, and you should use it not only as a reference book but also as a workbook.

If you are going to use quotes from this book either in your own writing or speaking, or if you want to share what I have said in this book with others, then remember: I said this stuff. Give me credit. If I didn't say it, then I have given credit to the person who did. If you quote them, give them credit. If you write a book and I quote you, then I will give you credit. Sound fair? I don't like my stuff stolen any more than you do, so don't steal, just reference it.

Don't share this book. If you think it's good enough that you want your friend to read it, buy her a copy. By the time you finish the book it should be marked up and written in anyway, and that will make it too personal to share with anyone else. Besides, it's just tacky to give someone a used book that has been written in. If you think you are going to loan your book to someone who should read it, and you expect to have it returned, then you are truly naive. (Besides, how am I going to make any money if you give away your book? Buy another one or two or even a case to share with those who need to shut up and stop whining.)

If you don't like the book, then please don't feel compelled to share that with me. I don't care. Seriously, I don’t. I am not interested in your criticism or your ideas on what I should have said, could have said, or you wish I had said. I do that enough after I finish writing a book; your criticism won't do me much good and it's too late to change anyway. And don't think I am going to give you a refund just because you don't like the book. That won't happen no matter how much you hate it or how unhappy you are with what I've said, or with me. And if you are going to review the book, read it first. Don't talk about a book you haven't read. If you read it and don't like it, go ahead and say so in your review. But don't go online and talk about the way I dress or my earrings or what you heard someone else say about the book—that isn't fair to me or the people who read your so-called review. By the way, if you do like the book, then say that too in your review, that would be nice. Okay, ready? Let's get this show on the road… .

CHAPTER ONE

SHUT UP!

What? You just told me to shut up?

Yes, I sure did. Someone needs to. Someone has probably needed to tell you that for a long time. In fact, maybe they already did but you were so busy talking you didn't hear them. If you're like most of the people in the world you are probably talking so much you cannot even hear what is being said. As my dad always told me: You are broadcasting when you ought to be tuned in. In other words, shut your mouth for a minute and pay attention.

That is most people's biggest problem, including yours. You have been so busy talking and making noise that you never stopped long enough to pay attention to what others were telling you. You probably missed all the important lessons that life was screaming at you because you couldn't hear them.

Most of us are so busy running around creating the soap opera and drama we call our lives that we don't hear anything.

—Louise Hay

In the New Testament there is a story about Jesus traveling in a fishing boat with his disciples. A big wind comes up, the waves rise, and all of the disciples think they're going to die. They awaken Jesus from his nap, whining and crying, and he says, Hush, be still (Mark 4:39 KJV). Then he goes on to talk to them about their faith. (But he first has to make the winds, the waves, and the disciples hush.)

When I was growing up, I was often told to Hush! I knew exactly what it meant. In fact, the word hush has been shortened to shhhh. (I bet you didn't know that, did you? See, you are already learning stuff.) When you hear hush or shhhh you know it means to be quiet. Actually I think if those words of Jesus were being translated today, they could just as easily be, Shut up! Be quiet! I'm about to teach you something.

And that is exactly what I am saying to you here. Shut up! I am about to teach you something.

SHUT UP AND LISTEN

It's impossible to listen while you are talking. It just can't be done. It's like sneezing with your eyes open: You can't do it. That's why I begin this book with Shut up. It's so you can finally stop the chatter and listen and learn something. After all, the goal really is to teach you the things you can do to create success in your life, but you are going to have to listen to learn them. You can't learn while you are talking. You can only learn when you are listening. When was the last time you really got quiet and listened? I mean really listened? You should try it some time. You might be amazed at what you hear and even more amazed at what you learn. Jimi Hendrix once said, Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens.

Listen to Others

Where do you start? I know that's an issue because we live in a noisy place full of people talking. And I will agree that much of what is being said isn't worth listening to. But some of it is. So give this a shot: Listen to your spouse or significant other. I don't mean the kind of listening you do when the TV is blaring in the background or when the kids are screaming in the back seat. I mean the kind of listening when you can be alone, shut out the noise, and really listen and communicate. This special exchange will take you to new heights in your relationship.

Listen to your kids. Parents think that all they do is talk and listen to their kids but the facts prove different. The average parent spends less than three-and-one-half minutes per week in meaningful communication with their children. Which means in a 50-50 give and take, only 90 seconds per week is spent listening. No wonder our kids are such a disaster; we aren't listening to them. You would be amazed at what they would tell you if you would just shut up and listen to them. I know how hard it is to communicate with your kids. I have been there. Especially when you are the parent of a teenager. Sometimes, the last thing your teenager wants to do is talk to you. Usually it's just easier not to talk to them because all they do is make monosyllabic grunts in response to you. Tough. Make them talk. Bug the hell out of them and force the communication if you have to. Both of my sons went through periods when they hated talking to me. How sad for them. I just kept talking and forced them to listen. Then I made them talk and forced myself to listen, even when what they had to say was hard for me to listen to. For instance, one time my son, Tyler, told me I ought to listen to my own speech. Ouch!

Most people think communication is about talking. That is only a small part of it. Listening is the biggest part. Become very good at it with those you love.

Listen to Your Customers

Earl Nightingale said, All of the money you are ever going to have is currently in the hands of someone else. In business, we call that someone else the customer. They have the money. They share it with us when we serve them well. One of the ways you serve your customers well is by listening to them.

You might be saying you don't really have customers, but we all have customers. You might not call them customers, but you still have them. You might call them patients, clients, co-workers, or the audience, but they are still your customers. Listen to them. They have all of the information necessary for you to serve them, solve their problems, and make them happy. Do those things and you will be rewarded.

Listen to Those Who Know More Than You Do

Someone knows more than you do. That may be hard for you to believe but it's true. And some of those who know more than you will happily share that information with you. Folks who have made it are usually more than willing to help others, but they never get asked. The fact is, few ask and even fewer take action when they have been given the answer. How stupid is that? When you ask someone who knows more than you do, take their advice and do what they tell you to do. Remember, they know what to do and have done it, you don’t!

By the way, do you want to know a quick way for finding out if someone knows more than you do? Look at their results. Results never lie. If their results are better than yours, then they know something you don't know. Or maybe they are just willing to do more than you are willing to do. In any case, pay attention to that person to determine why their results are better than yours.

Spend some time with those who are doing better than you. Watch them. Listen to them. Figure out what they are doing and then go do it yourself. If you duplicate their effort, then you will duplicate their results. As my friend Joe Charbonneau said, Do what the masters do and you will become a master.

Listen to the Experts

Great speakers, teachers, philosophers, and other experts have information that is readily available in many formats. Don't think you have to know the great teachers to learn from them. The bookstore, library, and Internet are full of everything you need to know to become more successful in any area of your life.

Listen to Great Music

I love great music. It can take me back in time to when I was a kid, or to a place I enjoyed with my wife, or can transport me to a calm meditative place. It can make me smile, make me cry, make me laugh, and put me to sleep. I use music to entertain myself, to inspire me, and to relax me. You can too.

My personal favorites are Leon Russell, Elvis, Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson, Van Morrison, classic country, and classic rock, but I enjoy about everything. But I will promise you this, just because I'm listening to it, I won't play it so loudly that you will be able to hear it in your car when I'm playing it in mine!

Listen to Your Self

Notice I did not say yourself. I said "your Self." I don't mean you should talk to yourself and listen to it—although you do that all the time. I'm talking about listening to your Higher Self. The better you that knows what you ought to be doing. You might call it your conscience. You might call it your gut. Some people call that Higher Self God, and they might be right. I don't really care what you call it; I just want you to listen to it. It's smarter than you are. It's tuned in at higher levels than you are. It knows! So listen to it. You also might try doing what it says.

Sometimes, You Should Not Listen

Wait, first you say to listen and now you are telling me not to listen. Make up your mind. So are there really things I should not listen to?

Yes. Just like there is a list of things and people you should listen to, there is also a list of things and people you should not listen to.

Do not listen to someone who is broke telling you how to be rich.

Do not listen to a fat doctor who smokes telling you what it takes to be healthy.

Do not listen to someone telling you how to be successful when they are not.

Do not listen to a preacher telling you that you are a worthless sinner.

Do not listen to people who put other people down.

Do not listen to office gossip.

Do not listen to anyone who puts you down for any reason at any time.

Do not listen to someone who is more interested in selling you than serving you.

Do not listen to only one side of an argument. Listen to both sides before making up your mind.

Do not listen to someone with bad results telling you how to get good results.

Do not listen when someone says, Do as I say, not as I do.

One more, and this one needs additional explanation. I told you to listen to your Self. And you should. But be very careful when you listen to yourself. No one will ever talk as badly about you or to you as you will to yourself. Do your best to control that negative self-talk. When you catch yourself saying things like I could never do that or I'm not good at that or I'm so stupid—STOP! Regroup and restate what you should be saying to yourself: I can do this! and other things that move you closer to the result you want, not further from it. Be honest and deal with the facts of your actions and your capabilities when talking to yourself. Don't be negative unless it's true, and then use that truth to take action so you can move to a better place.

Okay Larry. I get it. Some of this is stuff I already know. In fact, most of this stuff is the same old stuff you promised I wouldn't be hearing. When do we get to the good stuff? What's next?

Are you ready for the good stuff? I'm almost there. But we have to lay some groundwork first. This is all foundational work. Don't worry. It's about to get ugly.

So what's next? Easy. Stop whining.

CHAPTER TWO

STOP WHINING!

Whining is everywhere. Open your ears and you will hear it in every restaurant, at the supermarket, on television, on Facebook, on Twitter, on the radio, in your workplace, in your home, and even inside your own head or coming out of your own mouth. And people will let you get by with all of it. Why? Whining has become so prevalent, we barely notice anymore. Whining is not the exception; it's our everyday way of life.

The Republicans whine about the Democrats and the Democrats whine about the Republicans. Turn on any of the reality programs (where there is actually little reality) and you will hear one housewife whine about the other one or hear one idiot, out of control, spoiled brat teenager whine about the other brainless, hair-gelled, spray-tanned twerp. Whining is at the center of every political debate, nearly every television show, and is the centerpiece of our society.

Whining is the biggest problem we are dealing with today. It's easier to whine about our problems than it is to take action and fix our problems. It's easier to blame someone else for our situation than it is to take responsibility, face our issues, and turn our situation around. It's easier to wallow in our misery than to get over it because wallowing in our problems gets us sympathy from other whiners and feeds our failure; whining never asks us to accept that we are the cause of all of our problems.

Whining makes me sick. What I find is that the whiners, if you can get them to shut up for a minute, are also