You are on page 1of 6

Name: Jason Boynewicz Date: 10/11/13 Block: A6

TOOLS FOR ENGLISH SCHOLARS: SUMMATIVE ASSESSMENT

PART 1: ANALYSIS OF A PROFESSIONAL WRITING SAMPLE Soto, Gary. "Seventh Grade." Baseball in April and Other Stories. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovitch, 1990. Print

There are many things that make piece of literature what it is. Such as in the shor t story, Seventh Grade, this is about Victors first day of seventh grade. It shows many elements of literature in its few pages. It is a realistic fiction with the purpose to entertain people about a childs first day of school. The book itself is for children in middle school, appealing to them because of possible similarities. Seventh Grade is about a boy named Victor and how tries to receive recognition from his crush, Teresa. It is clearly realistic fiction seen through the fact that this could happen to any boy on the first day of school, it is possible. Also, you can tell its genre because of the diction the author uses, the kind of words a regular teenager would use, French. How bout you. This book takes you through Victors first day of school and how his mood changes based on the events that are taking place. There are many different elements that also contribute to the entire book and genre. The story is written in third person omniscient which is perfect because it shows mostly what Victor is thinking but once, it helps the reader understand why someone other than Victor, did something. When Mr. Bueller hears that Teresa believes Victor knows French, even though he does, not the fact of omniscient allows us to see why he made his decision through a flashback. Again, we can see how diction plays a key role. The author uses slang with the children character, this helps show how the kids interact and how they talk to one another. The author uses figurative language in this short story to help better understand and to provide depth for the reader, but also it helps build the plot. It is a tell tale sign that a work is fiction when using figurative language for plot building, The rosebuds of shame on his face became bouquets of love. This metaphor helps show that the conflict is being resolved and that falling action is almost done. Figurative language can help the reader see the plot structure. Another prime example of why this is a fictional piece is the plot structure. This piece has a plot structure. Starting with Victors introduction and the school setting it continues until the climax i n French class and resolution with Teresa. The syntax of the story allows the author to show what the character is thinking, another fictional sign. The mere fact of characters that exist show realistic fiction at work. The changes in mood contribute to fiction. Victor starts out happy; then becomes gloomy, then quickly happy again. In non-fiction, most of the time there will not be any mood changes. Imagery depth about the school also tells of fiction, Great rosebushes of red bloomed on Victors cheeks. This helps show how he is feeling. Looking at all the different factors, this is a realistic fiction piece. PART 2: WRITING GOALS Because I want to use same point of view, I will organize my writing by using third person omniscient. Because my diction should establish child dialect, I will use words that incorporate child talk I will use metaphors and similes in order to build imagery and suspense. I want this piece of writing to show that I am capable of using elements of literature, so I will base my writing around using elements to show a realistic fiction piece with these elements.

PART 3: ORIGINAL COMPOSITION

Lacrosse Camp
As usual, the game was coming down to the wire, and for Phillip, that meant he had to score in only three minutes to break the three to three tie. Hurry up, get in the one-four-one formation, and give it to Phillip! His coach shouted. The midfielders ran down the field getting into the isolation formation, with Phillip up top. A mid fielder played way out on him; Perfect for a dodge. Phillip ran up to the midfielder and gave a simple roll dodge. He ran right past him and the defenders slid way too late. Phillip never even wound up; instead, he shot and had a perfectly placed shot in the top left corner. Its up to Jacob now Phillip screamed. Jacob, the teams star defender got his defense into position. While Phillip went to take the face off. Somehow, he lost it and Jacob and his defense gang held on tight getting the ball back. With only two more minutes, Phillip raced down the field and caught a pass from Jacob. Ewan, the best attack man recognized the fast break and got into position. Phillip drew a defender and BANG a quick pass to Ewan and in the goal. Now up by two, the game was over. After the game, Coach Frank approached Phillip, Hey Phillip, you know that camp I was talking about. Yeah, replied Phillip, but I cant afford that sir. Well I was talking about you, you know all your goals and great heart, and theyre willing to give you a scholarship. Phillips heart filled with joy and was very happy when he heard this opportunity to play with the best, and it was a recruiting camp, so he could get seen. Would you be interested? Coach asked. Yes! Phillip replied. In a couple of weeks, it was time to go up to the camp in New Jersey. The camp was for middle school students, so there be would not be that many scouts, however if Phillip thought if he was good enough, then they would invite him to other camps. He would be riding up with Coach Frank along with Jacob and Ewan. Jacob was very nice and cool, however Ewan could be difficult. Everyone ready, coach asked, Its going to be a long drive up. All three kids murmured something about getting on the road. The drive was hot, long and boring. Phillip and Jacob talked about what they might do at the camp, while Ewan kept pestering coach. Hey, how much longer do yeah think, couple of hours? Ewan continued to ask. We were going to stay in a hotel, and I do not want any funny business Ewan. Coach said at the end of the trip. After spending the night, everyone got ready to go to the camp, and Phillip was ecstatic. He could not wait to meet the coaches and start working. Check in was at 12:00 and you have your first session at 2. Coach announced. At eleven thirty, they left the hotel and went to the camp. It took them a while to figure out where to park, and even longer to find where check-in was. The day was hot and humid. Phillip could feel the stickiness in the air that felt like walking through a room of misters. When they finally reached the check-in they were greeted by three different coaches. Each checking in one different group of people based on the alphabet.

Hello what was your name? The first coach asked. Dontyaicz, Phillip Phillip replied. The coach told Phillip where his room was and where the field was. Phillip turned out to be bunking with Jacob, which took a little bit of the nerves off of Phillip, now that was finally here, he was over taken with fear. The dorms had no air conditioning and the dorms were terribly dirty, as Phillip saw bugs crawling across the floor. It was as dirty as a pig pen, Phillip thought. At one oclock Phillip went out to field, which was surprisingly far from the d orm. The coaches talked about how much they should learn and that you need to be coachable. Then they started practicing. Start out with some line drills. The coaches yelled. Phillip knew exactly how to do one and got in the front of the line. He quickly and skillfully caught the pass, cradled once, and zoomed it back. After he got back in line, Phillip saw that he was no longer the best; everyone was catching and throwing with precision, speed, and accuracy. After that, they got into ground ball drills, where Phillip normally dominated everyone, but now he struggled, sometimes he got destroyed. Then they moved on to position work, where Phillip started working with a coach named Chris Bolin, and he started quizzing them. Where Phillip discovered that he was not the know-it-all. After the session Jacob talked to Phillip about the competition. Man there sure are a lot of good players out there. Jacob started. Yeah but well be fine, dont forget all the tournaments we won Phillip assur ed him. At dinner, Phillip ate a lot of food, since most of the time he got by on the minimum amount; he was filled with joy at the sight of all the food. One of the coaches there said that they would be split up into groups based on how well they did at tonights scrimmage, saying that all the coaches would have a draft. When it was time for the scrimmage, they were divided up randomly, but Phillip got on Jacobs team. Phillip started out on the left wing and the referee blew the whistle. Phillip sped to the face off and got the ground ball, but immediately there were two guys on him. Its fine; just get it to another midfielder he thought to himself. He faintly heard help from someone and zipped the ball into a midfields stick. They ran down the field and passed it to an attack man, but a defender stopped. The defense cleared to a midfielder who was stopped by Jacob. The defense held their ground and cleared the ball. It was a long and grueling game. Ending at 3-2 Phillips team victorious, not thanks to Phillip, who did almost nothing. We stink here and Im never going to get come back Phillip told Jacob now that he felt like a giant hole had appeared in his soul. Dont talk like that, you did good, and by the end of the week youll get even better. Jacob argued back. At the draft the coaches were all uncertain after only seeing one scrimmage. However, Chris knew who he wanted. That Jacob and Phillip work really well together and if I get them on my team it could be great for our team. He thought to himself, so he got both of them. The next day they had three sessions, one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and a scrimmage session at night. Phillip learned a lot about being a midfielder in the first session. He tried t work hard and listen, but after the night before, he felt out of it. By the third session, he was done and he thought to himself, I stink and I am just going to get destroyed tonight. He got to start along with Jacob and they were playing Ewans team. We can win as long as we talk and get ground balls! Coach Bolin encouraged.

The game started and Phillip got off slowly as he ran to get the ball. The other team got it, ran down and scored, even after Jacobs slide. Next, Phillip got a ground ball, but made a terrible pass and that led to another goal. Coach pulled him out. The coach said I know you can do better than this, so why are you holding back? Im just not very good, coach. Phillip replied. Now the only one that believes that is yourself, his coach said, you are blocking off a river of opportunity by not believing in yourself. Phillip just said yes sir. The rest of the game slugged on Phillip did not do much, but Jacob, was amazing the coach said that he was a great role model defender. The final score was 4-3 and they had been defeated. The whole camp consisted of four full days, even though it was really three days and two half days. They were now heading into their second full day. After then, all the scrimmage sessions would be part of a tournament. In the morning session, one of the coaches, Coach Jake was teaching the midfielders a new dodge. Now this is called the rocker dodge. Basically, you act like you are going to do a roll dodge, but then twist back around. Phillip thought that it was pretty cool, that is actually something I could use to beat my defender during a game. He thought to himself. Again, by the time the scrimmage ended up rolling around, Phillip did not feel like he could do much. This time, they faced a different team who was not nearly as good. Phillip was actually able to pass the ball around a stop the clear. Jacob did not get a lot of action. Phillip was actually getting into the game and smelling the familiar grass, feeling his way through the defense. In the third quarter, Phillip saw an undefended attack cutting across the field, so he rocketed him a pass and then the attack scored. The final score was 7-0 and the win was theirs. Phillip was not very excited about his assist. It was a lucky break, that doesnt mean that I did anything good, he thought to himself. Jacob was ecstatic however, That was an amazing pass, just do a lot of those tomorrow during the tournament! In afternoon they played games like soccer and football. All anyone really cared about was the tournament. They would have two tournament sessions, each would have two games and one would be final championship game on the second day. Phillip was not very excited. They played another different team first and Phillip thought that this team was in the middle of the other two teams they had played so far. Phillip got to face off for the first time and was actually excited. He clamped the ball and picked it up where he passed it down to an attack. Maybe I can actually do something against this team he thought. After a long period of going from one side of the field to the other, Phillip had the ball up at the top of the restraining line and he saw a hole in the defense. He went up to the defender guarding him and tried to roll dodge, but was pushed back. I cannot do this; he thought to himself, Im not good enough. Then Phillip thought that this was his chance to get a goal, he ran up to the defender. Again he started into a roll dodge, but he realized the defender was on top of him. Then he remembered the rocker dodge they had been taught and got right past his defender. He wound up stung top left corner. Phillip was little boy on Christmas, but the game was not over, it was 1-0 and Phillip had a job to do. For the rest of the game, he was all over the field stopping the other teams midfielders, and catching, passing, and shooting. The final score would be 4-1. Phillip scored two goals Next they played Ewans team again. Phillip was in game mode, but the other team seem ed better than theirs. Despite Phillips goal and assist, they lost. Tomorrow Coach Bolin said, we have to win our first game to go to the championship. Now I think that our captains should be Jacob and Phillip for his three goals tonight.

Breakfast the next day was quick and quiet; everyone was waiting for the tournament. We have already beaten this team, so lets do it again. Jacob cheered on the team. The game was not very exciting, now with Phillip at his best, the score was a blowout, 9-0. With four of those goals Phillips; even Jacob had an assist. The championship goal was coming; everyone was pumped up and excited. They would be playing they had lost to before, and Phillip could not lose to Ewan again. Phillip started out with a good face off and dumped to another midfielder but their defense stopped them. It continued like this the entire first quarter with no points scored. Cmon, lets win guys; they arent any better than us, are they? Phillip asked the team. Coach Bolin agreed, Yeah guys, lets go out there and finish what we started. The team went out on fire. Phillip caught a pass and ran down the field. He found an outlet and dumped it off to an attack that scored. Now they were up by one, but their opponents won the face off and ran down. Ewan was wide open on the crease and had a quick-stick goal. Yes! Ewan exclaimed, for it was his first one all camp. Now it was 1-1 and the half time bell rang. Coach talked about how they were all doing a great job and to keep it up. However all Phillip wanted was to win. The half started with a quick goal from Ewans team and Phillip was getting nervous, I dont know if we can do this he thought to himself. However he kept playing hard until the fourth quarter came, but they were still down by one. Phillip, its up to you. Coach said. He got the face off ran down and saw no outlets so he just kept going. No defenders slid, so he shot it with a great amount of velocity towards the goal and it went to the back of the net. Both teams played hard for another ten minutes when the 2 minute call from the referee happened. Phillip knew he had to score and fast, so he ran down the field and got a pass from a defender, then he passed it to another midfielder who quickly ripped it to an attack. They passed it around until Phillip saw an opening in the defense. He cut across the field and received a pass. This is it; he thought my big opportunity to come back again. He had a simple bounce shot in the goal and soon after the referee ended the game. Yeah! Phillips team screamed and ran to him. Everyone was so happy. Phillip went to find coach and said, You were right, all I had to do was believe. Coach responded, You sure are a good midfielder; that last game was complete proof of that, how would you like to come back next year? I cant wait Phillip said, Thank you for all the help you have given me in lacrosse, and life.

PART 4: REFLECTION Goal One Reflection: For this goal, I fulfilled it very well. I used third person and showed Phillips thoughts. However, in one instant, I used another persons thoughts.

Goal Two Reflection: While the children in this story are talking, they use many child-like phrases that they would not use when talking to adults. I got them to show how they would talk to one another. I believe I made a good effort and succeeded in getting the child dialect to show.

Goal Three Reflection: I used a good amount of metaphors and similes in my piece and a lot of them did show imagery. Although some did build suspense, others just helped with imagery. I think that I could have done a better job with trying to figure out how to incorporate metaphors better. Goal Four Reflection First off, I would like to say that even if you think this goal is pointless, it is not. The main point of the project was using the elements in a genre, and I believe I used them all well to make a good realistic fiction. I believe that I used many elements to help build a realistic fiction and that they all helped make my story better.

My Writing Process: Goal Two Started out by trying to brainstorm words that sounded like children would use. During writing, I thought of what I would say word for word in that situation. During revisions, I tried to think of what other children I know might say. In my final draft, I thought about the environment around the characters, and how that my influence them.

You might also like