Solving the Puzzle of Revising for Word Choice

By Amanda Roudabush Based on the work of Kevin McHugh

Overview of
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Verbs

Verbs and Editing for Word Choice

Words to avoid, writing for precision, and replacing passive with action verbs

Nouns

Nouns and Editing for Word Choice

Using precise nouns, removing commonly used vague or general words

Wordiness Putting it all together Editing

Wordiness and Editing for Word Choice

Cutting unnecessary clauses, cutting the Deadwood, avoiding clichs

Putting it all Together to Test your Skills

Testing your new skills when editing for word choice

Editing Sentences for Precision and Style

Taking what you have learned and creating the perfect sentence

Verbs and Editing for Word Choice

Action verbs characterize good word choice and good writing.

Avoid
Wimpy Verbs such as Is Are Go Has Have Had

Say Said See It is/are There is/are

Verbs and Editing for Word Choice

Replacing wimpy words with concise words

The result of the crash was the death of an innocent bystander.

The book has a number of interesting villains.

The crash resulted in the death of an innocent bystander.

The book contains fascinating bad guys. The book crawls with interesting villains.

The crash killed an innocent bystander.

Verbs and Editing for Word Choice

Eliminating general verbs and creating precise verbs instead
Eat

vs. inhale, ingest, gulp Drink vs. guzzle, sip, swig Run vs. jog, race, sprint Say vs. announce, whisper, declare Give vs. bequeath, dispense, bestow Has vs. owns, cherishes, preserves

Verbs and Editing for Word Choice

Replacing passive voice verbs with action voice verbs

Passive
The car was struck by the train.

Active
The train struck the car.

Passive
The cash was stolen by Bill.

Active
Bill stole the cash.

Nouns and Editing for Word Choice

Using precise, concrete, and specific nouns whenever possible

Make sure to use a precise word instead of an abstract word loaded with adjectives and (adverbs)
Abstract
A really big member of the armed forces.

Precise
A mammoth Marine.

Nouns and Editing for Word Choice

Replacing abstract nouns with specific nouns
Try replacing the abstract nouns with more concrete/specific nouns like the ones below
Abstract Wanting some food Concrete/ Specific Craving a thick, juicy hamburger Ravenous for a deep-dish, Sicilian pizza Abstract Like the movie Concrete/Specific Appreciate the documentary Savor the final scene of Jean Renoirs Oscar-Winning Grande Illusion

Nouns and Editing for Word Choice

Removing commonly used vague or general words
Edit or remove these common non-essential words

Especially when they appear with adjectives like

Aspect Type Kind Situation Thing Stuff Occasion Circumstance Feeling Etc.

Various Many Much A lot Nice Big Small Etc.

Wordiness and Editing for Word Choice

Cutting unnecessary clauses in writing Write the sentence in a clear and concise manner and leave out the clauses
Dont Do Mr. McHugh, who is my teacher at this point in time, has a presentation style that is very, very interesting.

Cut unnecessary clauses like the following

Who Which That Whom Whose

Do Mr. McHughs presentation style is very interesting.

Wordiness and Editing for Word Choice

Cutting the Deadwood or unnecessary words
Make sure to only include the necessary information in each sentence. Cut the Deadwood in the writing to create precise and concrete language.

Deadwood There were, in many instances, acts of aggression that took place on the battlefield. Precise and Concrete Language At Little Bighorn the first cavalry experienced the heartbreak of aggression on the battlefield.

Wordiness and Editing for Word Choice

Avoiding clichs and learning how to spot them How to simplify a clich Dont say Was of the opinion Do Say Felt Dont say At this point in time Do say now Dont say In view of the fact that Do say Since Dont say In most cases Do say usually

Wordiness and Editing for Word Choice

Reviewing popular clichs and avoiding their use in writing Avoid using any of the following clichs

In the last analysis After all is said and done At the crack of dawn Bored to tears/death A crying shame Beat around the bush

The powers that be In this day and age As luck would have it Bite the bullet Game-plan Iconic

Putting it all Together to Test your Skills

Testing your new skills as a writer and editor Original Sentence She went through all the canceled checks of the Bank of Commerce in order to find the one which she had sent to the mortgage company to make her house payment for the month of July. (36 words) Revised Precise Sentence She rifled through her cancelled Bank of Commerce checks for her July mortgage payment. (14 words)

Putting it all Together to Test your Skills

Testing your new editing and writing skills Original Sentence
Jeff Williams, who played the lead in A Man for All Seasons, which is a play bout Sir Thomas More, visited London last year to in order to become better equipped to play the role. (35 words)

Revised Precise Sentence

Jeff Williams flew to London last year to better play [the lead role of] Thomas More in A Man for All Seasons. (18 [22] words)

Editing Sentences for Precision and Style

Taking what you have learned and creating the perfect sentence

Combine the following sentences into a single sentence in at least three different (and correct) ways. Dont worry too much about changing or eliminating words. This is more about messing with syntax (word order) possibilities to examine the emotional impact of different options.

Editing Sentences for Precision and Style

The Paris at Sundown writing exercise

Paris at Sundown
1.
2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

The sun sank down. It sank over the River Seine. A girl sat at the sidewalk caf. The girl was American. The girl finished her coffee. She finished idly. The girl watched the passersby. She watched eagerly.

Paris at Sundown Writing Exercise

Three different versions of the story using syntax and emotion
Idly finishing her coffee at a sidewalk caf, watching the sun sink down over the River Seine, an American girl eagerly watched the passersby. From the sidewalk caf where she sat and idly finished her coffee, the American girl eagerly watched the passersby as the sun sank down over the River Seine.

The sun sank down over the River Seine and the sidewalk caf where an American girl eagerly watched the passersby and idly finished her coffee.

Thank you for spending some time learning about the benefits of language and writing.
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