Argumentative paper- Martucci

by Alexis Martucci
FILE
TIME SUBMITTED 22-APR-2014 05:02PM
SUBMISSION ID 419508687
WORD COUNT 1987
CHARACTER COUNT 10942
OODLE_TEMP_TURNITINTOOL_1077070464._17009_1398211315_111645
.DOCX (458.69K)
by whom?
"toxic chemicals . . . officials" is unclear
condensation doesn't
cause chemicals--can you
clarify?
is this what Thomas
believes? he probably has
more complex worries--
simplifying them creates a
"straw man argument"--
nothing difficult to knock
down.
what is
stack
exchang
e?
how is this related to the "gaps" in your topic sentence?
it would be
helpful to
quote 1-2
conspiracy
theorist's
ideas
directly.
why? explain your claim
ah, this goes
with your
previous topic
sentence. try
reorganizing
so each P has
just one topic.
this evidence isn't relevant--they're afraid not of long
lasting clouds, but of gaps between the spray.
what is "it" here? unclear
logic problem: the burning of fuel heats up the atmosphere
so, this is another conspiracy claim? You definitely
need a P that summarizes their worries.
was this article about contrails?
cite figure
QM
FINAL GRADE
68/100
Argumentative paper- Martucci
GRADEMARK REPORT
GENERAL COMMENTS
Instructor
Alexis,
This paper has an interesting topic, but you need to
approach your argument differently to succeed. First,
you need to explain (fairly) the claims of conspiracy
theorists. You've already defined contrails, so that's
good (though you can limit this to just 1 P). Next, if you
want to stick to this topic,the only way to disprove the
conspiracy theory (of toxic gas) is to send a plane (or
other flying device) up to collect gasses from the trails
and then analyze those gasses. Has anyone done this?
Then perhaps this isn't an argument worth pursuing.
You might, alternately, try writing an argument about the
environmental cost of flying (emissions, fuel use, etc.).
You'd probably be able to find lots of research on that.
PAGE 1
Text Comment. by whom?
Text Comment. "toxic chemicals . . . officials" is unclear
PAGE 2
Text Comment. condensation doesn't cause chemicals--can you clarify?
Vigorous Verb
Can you find the real/vigorous verb for this sentence? Using that verb will make the sentence more
direct and effective.
PAGE 3
Text Comment. is this what Thomas believes? he probably has more complex worries--
simplifying them creates a "straw man argument"--nothing difficult to knock down.
Text Comment. what is stack exchange?
Text Comment. how is this related to the "gaps" in your topic sentence?
Text Comment. it would be helpful to quote 1-2 conspiracy theorist's ideas directly.
Text Comment. why? explain your claim
Text Comment. ah, this goes with your previous topic sentence. try reorganizing so each P has
just one topic.
Text Comment. this evidence isn't relevant--they're afraid not of long lasting clouds, but of gaps
between the spray.
PAGE 4
Text Comment. what is "it" here? unclear
Text Comment. logic problem: the burning of fuel heats up the atmosphere
PAGE 5
Text Comment. so, this is another conspiracy claim? You definitely need a P that summarizes
their worries.
Text Comment. was this article about contrails?
PAGE 6
Text Comment. cite figure
PAGE 7
PAGE 8
RUBRIC: 301 ARG ESSAY RUBRIC
RHETORIC
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
SOURCES
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
BALANC ARG
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING

Developing
Write for a specific audience and purpose.
Audience's needs are often not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and language
needs adjustment for the audience. Purpose isn't clear or achieved.
Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes defining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose may be unclear at times, and it may not
be achieved convincingly.
Usually shows attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and using
audience-appropriate language. Purpose may be implied, but it's clear and achieved.
Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and
using audience-appropriate language. Purpose is clear and achieved with style.
Proficient
Find, evaluate, select, synthesize, organize, ethically cite, and present information from a variety of sources
appropriate to their disciplines.
Omits or uses incorrectly MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and
works cited list. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source. Frequently
uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.
A few errors in MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Often includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction is necessary.
Sometimes uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.
Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Usually introduces each source fully (as necessary)reader knows who did the
research or communicating, for whom, and why. Use of sources is usually relevant and
persuasive.
Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Introduces each source fully (as necessary)reader knows who did the research or
communicating, for whom, and why. Use of sources is always relevant and persuasive.
Developing
Compare, contrast, and synthesize carefully and objectively the relative merits of alternative or opposing
arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.
Fails to consider the relative merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and
cultural values.
Attempts to compare, contrast, and synthesize the relative merits of alternative or opposing
arguments, assumptions, and cultural values, but may lack objectivity or thoroughness in
the comparison.
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
ORGANIZATION
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
PERSUASION
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
LANGUAGE
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
Compares, contrasts, and synthesizes the relative merits of alternative or opposing
arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.
Compares, contrasts, and synthesizes carefully, objectively, and insightfully the relative
merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.
Developing
Organize ones thoughts to address a rhetorical situation.
Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the
prompt, or illogically connected. Ps are usually not unified or organized.
Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt, but may be
vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically linked. Ps may not be unified.
Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt
and tie ideas together adequately.
Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt
and tie ideas together logically and seamlessly.
Absent or
Below Basic
Communicate ones thoughts clearly and persuasively to address a rhetorical situation.
Inadequate, inappropriate, or irrelevant reasoning and evidence.
Over uses or under-analyzes evidence. May omit reasoning or include logical errors. May
include some irrelevant or unpersuasive evidence.
Usually supports the thesis and paragraph claims with credible, relevant, thorough, logical
reasoning and analyzed evidence.
Supports the thesis and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, logical, and insightful
reasoning and analyzed evidence.
Proficient
Recognize, evaluate, and employ the features and contexts of language that express and influence meaning and
that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural differences.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability or otherwise distract from
meaning.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are few and do not distract from meaning.
Outstanding control of language, including effective diction and sentence variety.
DESIGN
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
Proficient
Recognize, evaluate, and employ the features and contexts of design that express and influence meaning and that
demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural differences.
Tone and/or design usually suggest/s an absence of awareness of audience and/or generic
conventions.
Tone and/or design are/is sometimes inappropriate or unconventional.
Appropriate tone and design conform to assigned audience and genre.
Sophisticated tone and design engage reader and conform to assigned audience and genre.