blood doping

by David Jones
FILE
TIME SUBMITTED 24-APR-2014 08:25PM
SUBMISSION ID 420388934
WORD COUNT 1355
CHARACTER COUNT 6800
B_MOODLE_TEMP_TURNITINTOOL_571458520._17402_1398396305_900
0.DOCX (16.52K)
number
com
bine
thes
e Ps
nice limiting
an effective "although" clause introduces a counterargument, like
"although many will say it's impossible to regulate . . ."
should? must?
21st
,
according to WADA?
need an
introduction for
this q, smooth
the link
between it and
your P.
evidence?
define terms when you first
use them
need
citations
throughout
this P.
cite
P needs
citations
analyze qs
look up APA reference
format on our Titanium
page (top) or online at
Purdue OWL.
QM
QM
QM
FINAL GRADE
0/100
blood doping
GRADEMARK REPORT
GENERAL COMMENTS
Instructor
David,
This paper is really informative--I learned a lot from it:
good!
Unfortunately, you have a few paragraphs here that give
information that isn't "common knowledge" (like those
defining processes) that are missing citations.
You can receive up to 70 points by correcting all
citations (double check everything--I don't mark them all)
and resubmitting this paper with your portfolio.
PAGE 1
delete
some words or phrases here are unnecessary; they may even cloud your meaing.
Text Comment. number
delete
some words or phrases here are unnecessary; they may even cloud your meaing.
redundant
somewhere in this sentence, you've used words that are unnecessary because other words in the
same sentence already serve your purpose (as in "free gift").
Text Comment. combine these Ps
Text Comment. nice limiting
Text Comment. an effective "although" clause introduces a counterargument, like "although many
will say it's impossible to regulate . . ."
Text Comment. should? must?
Text Comment. 21st
QM
QM
QM
QM
QM
delete
some words or phrases here are unnecessary; they may even cloud your meaing.
Text Comment. ,
Text Comment. according to WADA?
PAGE 2
Text Comment. need an introduction for this q, smooth the link between it and your P.
delete
some words or phrases here are unnecessary; they may even cloud your meaing.
Additional Comment you can just use a comma here (and in similar sentences) rather than "is
when."
Text Comment. evidence?
Develop
Can you develop this claim or idea? Build it with more explanation, examples, or details.
Text Comment. define terms when you first use them
Text Comment. need citations throughout this P.
delete
some words or phrases here are unnecessary; they may even cloud your meaing.
PAGE 3
Text Comment. cite
Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence fragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such fragments become
problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. The most common version of
this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a noun) for a main verb, as
in the following sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare from dusk to dawn."
Text Comment. P needs citations
PAGE 4
QM mixed structure
the clauses in your sentence do not match in subject, verb tense, or some other element.
Text Comment. analyze qs
PAGE 5
Text Comment. look up APA reference format on our Titanium page (top) or online at Purdue
OWL.
RUBRIC: 301 ARG ESSAY RUBRIC
RHETORIC
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
SOURCES
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
BALANC ARG
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING

Proficient
Write for a specific audience and purpose.
Audience's needs are often not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and language
needs adjustment for the audience. Purpose isn't clear or achieved.
Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes defining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose may be unclear at times, and it may not
be achieved convincingly.
Usually shows attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and using
audience-appropriate language. Purpose may be implied, but it's clear and achieved.
Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and
using audience-appropriate language. Purpose is clear and achieved with style.
Absent or
Below Basic
Find, evaluate, select, synthesize, organize, ethically cite, and present information from a variety of sources
appropriate to their disciplines.
Omits or uses incorrectly MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and
works cited list. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source. Frequently
uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.
A few errors in MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Often includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction is necessary.
Sometimes uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.
Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Usually introduces each source fully (as necessary)—reader knows who did the
research or communicating, for whom, and why. Use of sources is usually relevant and
persuasive.
Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Introduces each source fully (as necessary)—reader knows who did the research or
communicating, for whom, and why. Use of sources is always relevant and persuasive.
Developing
Compare, contrast, and synthesize carefully and objectively the relative merits of alternative or opposing
arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.
Fails to consider the relative merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and
cultural values.
Attempts to compare, contrast, and synthesize the relative merits of alternative or opposing
arguments, assumptions, and cultural values, but may lack objectivity or thoroughness in
the comparison.
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
ORGANIZATION
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
PERSUASION
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
LANGUAGE
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
Compares, contrasts, and synthesizes the relative merits of alternative or opposing
arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.
Compares, contrasts, and synthesizes carefully, objectively, and insightfully the relative
merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.
Proficient
Organize one’s thoughts to address a rhetorical situation.
Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the
prompt, or illogically connected. Ps are usually not unified or organized.
Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt, but may be
vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically linked. Ps may not be unified.
Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt
and tie ideas together adequately.
Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt
and tie ideas together logically and seamlessly.
Developing
Communicate one’s thoughts clearly and persuasively to address a rhetorical situation.
Inadequate, inappropriate, or irrelevant reasoning and evidence.
Over uses or under-analyzes evidence. May omit reasoning or include logical errors. May
include some irrelevant or unpersuasive evidence.
Usually supports the thesis and paragraph claims with credible, relevant, thorough, logical
reasoning and analyzed evidence.
Supports the thesis and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, logical, and insightful
reasoning and analyzed evidence.
Developing
Recognize, evaluate, and employ the features and contexts of language that express and influence meaning and
that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural differences.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability or otherwise distract from
meaning.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are few and do not distract from meaning.
Outstanding control of language, including effective diction and sentence variety.
DESIGN
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
Proficient
Recognize, evaluate, and employ the features and contexts of design that express and influence meaning and that
demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural differences.
Tone and/or design usually suggest/s an absence of awareness of audience and/or generic
conventions.
Tone and/or design are/is sometimes inappropriate or unconventional.
Appropriate tone and design conform to assigned audience and genre.
Sophisticated tone and design engage reader and conform to assigned audience and genre.

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