Ignacio Vera's Proposal

by Ignacio Vera
FILE
TIME SUBMITTED 17-MAR-2014 02:56PM
SUBMISSION ID 406913566
WORD COUNT 1944
CHARACTER COUNT 10187
MOODLE_TEMP_TURNITINTOOL_1433801191._15490_1395093410_9851
2.DOCX (25.81K)
visions were
_caused_ by a
neurotixin.
good abstract content. can you clean up the
sentences so they are more reader-friendly?
what comes
before and after
your
parentheses
don't match.
does this P belong
in "Background"?
I think you have other "impact" ideas in
this paper--you've just misplaced them.
What do you think?
QM
QM
QM
FINAL GRADE
85/100
Ignacio Vera's Proposal
GRADEMARK REPORT
GENERAL COMMENTS
Instructor
PAGE 1
PAGE 2
Text Comment. visions were _caused_ by a neurotixin.
Text Comment. good abstract content. can you clean up the sentences so they are more reader-
friendly?
PAGE 3
WC
Word choice error:
Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to say is very difficult to do.
Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the word or trying too hard to come up
with a fancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A thesaurus can be a handy tool when you're
trying to find a word that's similar to, but more accurate than, the one you're looking up. However, it can
often introduce more problems if you use a word thinking it has exactly the same meaning.
Wordy
Wordy:
If you use too many words to describe a relatively minor point, your paper may seem wordy. In order to
be as concise as possible, trim your sentences down and use longer, more meaningful words. Try to
use fewer two- and three-letter words, passive constructions, and weak verbs such as "seem" and
"appear."
Text Comment. what comes before and after your parentheses don't match.
Pro
Check all your pronouns. If it's not obvious to whom they refer, make it obvious by using specific
QM
QM
QM
QM
noun again.
Text Comment. does this P belong in "Background"?
Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence fragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such fragments become
problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. The most common version of
this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a noun) for a main verb, as
in the following sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare from dusk to dawn."
PAGE 4
WC
Word choice error:
Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to say is very difficult to do.
Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the word or trying too hard to come up
with a fancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A thesaurus can be a handy tool when you're
trying to find a word that's similar to, but more accurate than, the one you're looking up. However, it can
often introduce more problems if you use a word thinking it has exactly the same meaning.
Repetitive
See if you can combine and condense these sentences or ideas, as they are repetitive or redundant.
PAGE 5
Unclear
Your construction of this sentence clouds your meaning.
Text Comment. I think you have other "impact" ideas in this paper--you've just misplaced them.
What do you think?
PAGE 6
PAGE 7
PAGE 8
RUBRIC: PROPOSAL RUBRIC
RHETORIC:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
RESEARCH:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
ORGANIZATION:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT

Advanced
Audience and Purpose
Audience's needs are often not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and language
needs adjustment for the audience. Purpose (to convince a funding agency to fund your
research) isn't clear or achieved.
Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes defining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to convince a funding agency to fund
your research) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.
Shows attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and using
audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to convince a funding agency to fund your
research) may be implied, but it's clear and achieved.
Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and
using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to convince a funding agency to fund your
research) is clear and achieved with style.
Proficient
Omits or uses incorrectly MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and
works cited list. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source. Frequently
uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.
A few errors in MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Often includes sources names without introduction. Sometimes uses irrelevant or
unpersuasive sources.
Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Usually introduces each source fullyreader knows who did the research or
communicating, for whom, and why. Use of sources is usually relevant and persuasive.
Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Introduces each source fullyreader knows who did the research or communicating,
for whom, and why. Use of sources is always relevant and persuasive.
Proficient
Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the
prompt, or illogically connected. Ps are usually not unified or organized.
Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt, but may be
vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically linked. Ps may not be unified.
Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt
and tie ideas together adequately.
ADVANCED
PERSUASION:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
TONE:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
STYLE:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt
and tie ideas together logically and seamlessly.
Proficient
Inadequate, inappropriate, or irrelevant reasoning and evidence. Rationale may be missing
or flawed.
Over uses or under-analyzes evidence. May omit reasoning and include some irrelevant or
unpersuasive evidence. Rationale isn't yet persuasive--I'm not sure if this project is worth
funding.
Usually supports the thesis and paragraph claims with persuasive reasoning and credible,
relevant, analyzed evidence. Rationale is persuasive--you'd be on my finalist list.
Supports the thesis and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, and insightful reasoning
and analyzed evidence. Rationale is persuasive--I'd give you the money!
Advanced
Tone and/or design usually suggest/s an absence of awareness of audience and/or generic
conventions.
Tone and/or design are/is sometimes inappropriate or unconventional.
Appropriate tone and design conform to assigned audience and genre.
Sophisticated tone and design engage reader and conform to assigned audience and genre.
Developing
Sentence-level literacy and style
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability or otherwise distract from
meaning.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are few and do not distract from meaning.
Outstanding control of language, including effective diction and sentence variety.