Bermudez1

Jazmin Bermudez
Prof. Jackie Hymes
English 115, M/W 11:00-12:15
October 26, 2014
Evaluation Letter
When we were given the very first exercise of progression two I knew I was going to use the
Gatorade commercial because it left a great impression the first time I saw it. However when
were given the essay to write I wanted to use the same commercial but I knew I wasnt going to
be able to write the entire essay solely on just the Gatorade commercial. So I began to worry that
I would have to change advertisements, but then I saw the Got Milk? commercial and I realized
it had the same idea as the Gatorade one. I created an outline of my essay so I would be able to
organize my essay and be able to make the ideas for both commercials flow. When writing my
essay I did not have writers block because I knew exactly what I was going to write about and I
could see the ideas of the commercials and how they relate so clearly. I enjoyed writing the essay
because I loved both commercials and I was able to see the relationship between them clearly.
I think some strengths for my essay is the way I organized it and my analysis on the
commercials, and a weakness was my transition sentences. I believe the flow of my essay is great
and all ideas flow nicely and paragraphs dont jump from one idea to another. I believe reading
my essay makes the commercials easy to visualize and understand the concepts behind them. I
believe my analysis was very detailed and brought out the ideas of both commercials and the
meanings behind those ideas. I think a weakness was a lack of transition sentences and some
sentences were a bit lengthy.
Bermudez2

For the category of assignment requirements I believe I deserve a 10/10. I followed the
prompt instructions, exceeded the word count and I have a creative title. For the category of
content I believe I deserve a 45/50 because I have the paragraphs describing both advertisements
in great detail, my paragraphs have detailed analysis of the ad elements and my thesis is clear
and easy to find. For the category assignment of organization I believe I deserve 28/30 because
my essay is well organized and all paragraphs flow with one another, I have a clear introduction,
body and conclusion paragraphs and each contain topic sentences, however my transition
sentences could be better. For the category of mechanics I believe I deserve 6/10 because I
proofread it but there is most likely still a few errors.