Chris Lindsay

Professor Connie Douglas

UWRT 1101
A Loving Mother
How important is the relationship between a parent and child? According to my
mother, Kathleen Elizabeth Thorne, it is extremely important. I chose her as my
interviewee because I am close enough to her to be aware of the difficult things that she
has endured. My mother was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and was put up for
adoption as an infant. Her adoptive parents moved to Durham, North Carolina shortly
after where she grew to become the woman that she is today. Her adoptive parents
Marian and George Thorne both worked as professors at North Carolina Central
University. Due to her parents strong academic background, education was constantly
emphasized in her household.
She graduated from Hillside High school in Durham in 1977 and went on to
receive her bachelors degree in business administration with a concentration in
marketing from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Kathy started her
professional career for the International Business Machines Corporation (IBM), and
currently works for Cisco Systems as a human resource manager. I am currently enrolled
in the Business College here at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte and intend
to major in marketing. Her professional history and education lines up with my career
goals exactly. The lesson she shared, however, didnt exactly pertain to the business or
professional world. Kathy is very involved in the ministry of her church where she
handles all of the administration responsibilities. She has a very strong faith every since

she found God many years ago. The purpose of my interview was to take away
something that could help me navigate some of the obstacles that have been standing in
my way, as well as the challenges that are to come.
What is an adversity that youve overcome, that ended up benefiting in the long
run and as a result, taught you an important lesson? The situation that she described was a
rather emotional one. She spoke of the abusive relationship that she had with her father
from a very young age. Frequently throughout my life I have encountered people who
have been in a position of authority or my "elder" in the familial relationship that have
not always treated me with the respect and honor usually entrusted to a younger relative.
Her family was a dysfunctional one, and there were times where she felt that they were
normal. I think that it is necessary to maintain an appropriate balance within the family
relationships, yet the relationship with her father lacked the general concepts of respect
and care. The connection between parents and children should always be one of mutual
love and appreciation, with an unconditional love approach. Her fathers actions were
engrossed with ulterior motives, suspect intentions, and spiteful undertones. The feelings
of hurt and depression were multiplied due to the fact that she was already dealing with
her feelings of abandonment ever since she was old enough to understand the gravity of
her adoption.
What did you learn from this experience? I learned that regardless of my
circumstances, my passion about developing my own relationship with God as well as my
family, can give me the drive to accomplish almost all things. This statement is
testament to the idea that staying humble and focusing on your ultimate goal can help you
overcome the situations that one goes through on a daily basis. I remember when I was

younger and couldnt quit understand what was going on, she would come home livid
and my dad would stress that she remain humble. It wouldve been easy for her to walk
away from the situation and say, whatever happens to him, happens to him or I dont
deserve this, but her patience and humble attitude allowed her to remain strong. Her
patience was tested in 2009 after the death of her mother after a stroke. Her fathers
somewhat hidden actions became openly malicious.
Someone that she had shown nothing but respect for is now doing the total
opposite in return. I asked her if there was one thing that you would want people to take
away from these occurrences, what would it be? She said that she would tell them to do
unto others, as you'd like done unto you. Its clich, but people dont truly think about
how different things would be if people actually followed the Golden Rule. Most
importantly, she learned that she basically had to act in contrast to her father. How did
this lesson help you as a mother? It taught me that I must love differently, without the
motives, without the degrading snide remarks, focusing always on positivity,
encouragement, and even sacrificing own motives towards my children to ensure that we
have open communications at all times without hidden agendas, envy or strife.
I often times wonder how its possible for someone to overcome the more
difficult situations that life tosses out. On December 19th, 2013 my grandfather suffered
from a very serious stroke and on January 14, 2014 he decided to stop all medical
treatment. Hed made his choice to transition from this life to the next. My mother saw
this as an opportunity to gain the explanation and closure that she needed. As he lay on
his deathbed, I simply asked him, from the depths of my heart to forgive me for
anything I did to hurt you throughout my life that caused you to be embarrassed or

ashamed of me. He responded No, you've done nothing wrong... you were the best
daughter I could have ever asked for." That statement speaks for itself.
After all of the negativity that occurred in the past, my mother was able to put and
keep the past behind her. Her father ended up leaving her a majority of his estate. Could
you see the possibility for a positive ending? Or did you simply endure? I wasnt exactly
expecting a happy ending; I was doing what I was doing because I felt that it was
necessary for myself. From this interview, I learned to not treat people in a retaliatory
manner, but to treat them the way I wish to be treated so that I dont undermine a
privilege to make my life more fulfilling, joyful, and complete.

What is your full name? Kathleen Elizabeth Thorne

What type of education do you have? I went to The University of North Carolina at
Greensboro where I received my bachelors degree in business administration with a
concentration in marketing. I also minored in sociology.
Whats one thing that most people dont know about you? I was adopted
What was a situation that you learned a valuable lesson from? The first thing that comes
to mind is the poor relationship that I had with my father.
What exactly did you learn from this experience? I learned that you cant always treat
someone the way that they treat you; you sometimes have to treat them the way you wish
to be treated.
Is this something that you apply to this day? Of course, this is a lesson that Ive learned
over the course of my life; I have to apply it almost every day in my family life as well as
my ministry.
Do you think that this lesson is something that everyone should use? Absolutely. I think
that the world will be a better place if everyone shared this thought process.
Do you feel that adversity is necessary to learn a lesson? I feel that it can always help at
the end of the day, but I dont think that it is absolutely necessary to earn a lesson. I have
learned many lessons over the years without experiencing hardship.
Could you see the possibility for a positive ending? Or did you simply endure? I wasnt
exactly expecting a happy ending; I was doing what I was doing because I felt that it was
necessary for my self. I knew my responsibilities as a daughter and I completed them to
the best of my ability because I thought that thats the way that things should be.
What advice would you give to someone in a similar situation? I would tell them to stay
humble and do what you know is right. A lot of times we feel a certain way, but our
actions express other feelings because we know better. Respect is one of the most
important traits that you can exhibit in this life. There arent many instances where
showing respect will be detrimental.
Does something have to occur over a majority of your lifetime to learn a life lesson from
it? I dont think so. The situation that I mentioned did occur over the course of my life
technically, but the climax was after he had the stroke.
What are a few emotions that you felt throughout this experience? There were a lot of
them. I felt feelings of abandonment and some feelings of anger for the most part though.
What kept you going? I believe that it was my family, my faith, and my perspective on
how things should be kept me going. If I didnt have an idea about how things should be,

I probably would not have continued on the path that I was going through. Not to
mentioned the loving husband I have to help me through the times that I had been
wronged.
How important is the relationship between a parent and child? I think its vital, I will
never know whether things would have been different had I been his biological child.
That feeling sucks.
Did the fact that you were adopted affect you, as you grew older? Absolutely. I began to
ask a lot of questions that began with why? Was I not good enough? Was I not what they
expected? My parents knew very little about the background of my biological parents
background.
How did you find the patience to forgive him? My faith helped me do that. It definitely
wasnt easy but I prayed on it and got advice from some of my peers, and It became
easier.
Do you think that this process was necessary to become the person that youve become? I
actually dont know. I know that it made me a stronger person, but theres no telling if I
couldve been the same person that I have become.
How did the loss of your mother affect the relationship in 2009? My father became more
blatant with his actions. He stopped trying to be slick with what he was doing.
With that being said, do you think that your mother worked as a buffer? I would say that,
I could even notice a change in his attitude when my mother was alive and just wasnt
physically present.
As a child, did you see yourself still being a big part of each others life past the age of
40? I didnt see myself associating with him at all. Its crazy how things work out though.
Did you receive the closure that you needed? I did, those last three weeks were vital in
the process of repairing the damage that occurred in the previous 40 years.
What was said that provided that closure? What he told me on his deathbed gave me what
I needed.
Do you have any regrets? I try not to regret anything because I live by the notion that
everything happens for a reason.
Did you ever wish to find your biological parents? I did actually go on a quest to meet my
biological parents at one point. After failing to achieve my goal, I figured it was for good
reason that I couldnt.
How did your experiences affect you as a parent? It taught me that I must love
differently, without the motives, without the degrading snide remarks, focusing always on

positivity, encouragement, and even sacrificing own motives towards my children to

ensure that we have open communications at all times without hidden agendas, envy or
strife.

When Dad decided to stop all medical treatment to transition from this life to the next, I
didn't ask him whether I had done anything to cause him to be the way he was or to
behave in the manner that had been so hurtful all those years. No, I simply asked him,
from the depths of my heart to "Forgive me for anything I did to hurt you throughout my
life that caused you to be embarrassed or ashamed of me." His response,: No, you've
done nothing wrong... (with tears in his eyes) you were the best daughter I could have
ever asked for." Enough said.

NOT treat them in a retaliatory manner and undermine this privilege to serve others so
that your life is fulfilling and joyful and complete.

According to the stories told, her progress was

hindered as she attempted to grow and mature to be a

meaningful contributor to my family, friends and

subsequently serving my church and community.

Unfortunately, the experiences have been more on the

side of "conditional" love than unconditional, engrossed
with ulterior motives, suspect intentions and has caused a
lot of hurt in my life as I attempted to grow and mature
to be a meaningful contributor to my family, friends and
subsequently serving my church and community.
The gap in communications was great due to the
aforementioned issues, and because of the added variable
of my being an "only child" adoptee from an orphanage
at age 18 months, it took me quite a while... well into my
mid-40's... to recognize that regardless of my
circumstances, the very heart of my being passionate
about developing my own relationship with God and my
family, taught me an extremely valuable lesson. That is
that I must love differently, without the motives, without
the degrading snide remarks, focusing always on positivity,
encouragement, and even sacrificing own motives towards
my children to ensure that we have open communications

at all times without hidden agendas, envy or strife. So no

matter how much I contemplate the question of a great
life-long lesson learned, it always comes back to this, treat
people well, serve with gladness and appreciation for the
PRIVILEGE of serving, ignore snide remarks that are meant
to harm, and always feed back with a soft and positive
response despite how others may treat you.
I had an opportunity to exhibit these same traits towards
my father extensively after my mother passed away in
2009. Dad's true colors came out and his words were
typically wrapped in sarcasm, judgment and oftentimes, I
began to believe towards the end, envy of my family
relationships with my husband and children as we were
truly "happy". There were so many times I would have
preferred to just cut off ties, but instead, thankfully with
the help of a loving husband, I continued to serve, help,
love and ignore (unfortunately) my father's wrong attitude
and intentions, until the very end on January 19, 2013
when he also passed away. I believe if everyone would
look at their circumstances as opportunity to help and
serve others, then their eyes of enlightenment will
illuminate this reality - do unto others as you'd like done

unto you - NOT treat them in a retaliatory manner and

undermine this privilege to serve others so that your life is
fulfilling and joyful and complete.
When Dad decided to stop all medical treatment to
transition from this life to the next, I didn't ask him
whether I had done anything to cause him to be the way
he was or to behave in the manner that had been so
hurtful all those years. No, I simply asked him, from the
depths of my heart to "Forgive me for anything I did to
hurt you throughout my life that caused you to be
embarrassed or ashamed of me." His response,: No,
you've done nothing wrong... (with tears in his eyes) you
were the best daughter I could have ever asked
for."

Enough said.

Your paper will begin with an introduction of the person which includes the
following:
* the persons background, biographical information and the connection you have
with the individual.
* the purpose of your interview with a possible connection to your future career goals.
* the introduction should be written in paragraph form.