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Jimmy Le

Professor Warnock
COMM 1010
December 3, 2013

Verbal Communication: An Obligatory Introductory Paragraph


While all forms of communication are important to understand, I see being able to
verbalize is especially pertinent to our lives because its the most accessible way to relay and
receive messages. We are spoken to from birth, taught to speak from birth, and continue to do so
all our life. Verbal communication has become such a mundane thing in our lives, we rarely find
ourselves contemplating the details of what initially seems to be a rather simple concept, and
whether or not were doing it well. But Ive come to understand that (verbal) communication,
when truly understood, is very powerful.
When we are speaking to others, we are sort of engaging in a fast working, ongoing
encoding/decoding process. A speaker, who has a concept in mind, then encode it into
verbalization which is then received by the listener, who interprets the code. The hope is that
the message the speaker had in mind, matches the message the listener has derived from the
code., and thus reach an equal understanding. This back and forth process works very quickly,
but not always as effectively as it could.
In good verbal communication, we are able to step outside ourselves and become attuned
to the perceptions of others we are communicating to, and then we form our messages carefully
in the hope that it is interpreted as we hope it will be interpreted. The process of good verbal
communication is collaborative, as the speaker and receiver work simultaneously to maintain
clarification. For without effort from both parties, what you have is one person essentially
talking at the other, who fails to pay much bother. Last but not least, a person must not only be
aware of the meaning behind the words they are using, but the implications behind the words we
are using. This is especially important, because this is a fundamental concept in the foundational
precursor of verbal communication.

Language and Interpretations


Understanding language is key in understanding communication, because without
language there is very little (if any) verbal communication. Language is amazing in that there is
practically a word for every nuance of things, ideas, emotion. Simply put, if communication is
the task, language is the tool. However, the tricky thing is that this innate intricacy means that
words and combinations thereof can be interpreted several ways, further complicating the matter.
Even when we think we are choosing our words carefully, a person can take something much
different than what you intended from it.

Misinterpretation
A good friend and I went out to eat a cheap pizza after work together, and as we were
chatting she relaxed her pose, put down her slice and said I think Ill call it quits here. I told
myself Id stop eating until I feel nauseated. Upon hearing this, I became quite perplexed. From
what I had interpreted, she was expressing that she would cease to eat, only continuing when she
felt sick. This was very confusing to me as I could not fathom why anyone would do this to
themselves.
After a minute or so more than necessary thinking up possible reasons, I realized that
what she probably meant was that she would stop eating as she promised herself that she would
stop eating excessively to the point that she felt queasy. I brought up my confusion in the
conversation (something I should have done earlier) and she clarified that she did indeed mean
the latter, and mentioned that she had actually told her sister the same thing, who also expressed
the same initial confusion. (Which brings up a funny question: if she had been made known
before of the somewhat puzzling structure of that specific sentence, why did she use it again?
Just an afterthought.) Afterwards, we had a good sort of chuckle about the situation, and we
talked about the ways that sentence could be remade to be more clear, mused in the peculiarities
of language, and then moved on shortly after.

Verbal Communication and Relationships


Without verbal confirmation, I may very well have assumed that my friend truly meant
that she would only reinitiate eating once she felt sick. But in talking it out, we came to a clear
understanding very quickly. I dont think we communicate well because we are good friends, in
actuality I think its because we communicated well together that we have become so. Its the
ability to come to understandings through a vocal exchange of words that creates that sense of
mutuality that makes a friendship work. One only needs to see how true this is by thinking by
who are the people he/she has formed the best connections with. More often than not, when I
asked several people what a best friend was, one of the qualities they described was someone
they can talk to. I find it difficult imagine a good friendship with a person they hardly speak to.
Without good verbal communication the possibility of commonality is lost and therefore any
potential deep relationships with it.

Growing Up with Vietnamese-Speaking Parents and Language Barriers


My parents originated from Vietnam, and emigrated from there to the States long before
my sister or I was born. When we were, it was here in Utah, where we have lived all our lives.
However, it seemed that despite growing in a Vietnamese-speaking household I became much
more inclined to English, and somehow neglected properly learning Vietnamese. Although Ive
learned much about the dynamics of language and gained invaluable perspective from being
immersed in a second language since childhood, my Vietnamese vocabulary itself is only enough
to and understand basic conversation. It is notably primitive in comparison to what I can convey
in English.
When I speak with my parents, the conversations usually consist of relatively simple
subjects and never drag out for too long because of the language barrier between us. When I
speak to them in Vietnamese everything is simple, and it feels like much of whatever sense of
character I possess is obscured my verbal limitations in Vietnamese. Explaining abstract
concepts becomes difficult, and consequently, theres a noticeable lack of richness to the

interactions that I share with my parents. Because the way I express my thoughts in Vietnamese
is simple, I cant help but think that the perception they hold of me is simple. Although I love my
parents very much and I have no doubts that they feel very deeply about me, the inability to
properly verbal verbalize with them has stifled has proved incredibly frustrating and shameful.
There is so much I want to describe, portray, reveal (things I could easily do in English) that I
simply cannot because I do not possess the mastery of Vietnamese I need to do so. Because of
that language barrier they are essentially missing an entire side of me, as I miss a side of them,
and it has never stopped being disappointing.

Openly Talking About Being Gay


Being gay was not something I was at all compelled to talk about. For a long time it was
a part of me I kept discreet, telling myself that I was okay with it, and that should anyone had
asked questions of that nature, Id simply tell them and leave it at that. In hindsight though, none
of that was probably true, as despite what I thought otherwise at the time, I had not truly become
comfortable with myself.
It was only until pretty recently actually that I began to willingly talk about it; even still,
Im always tentative about who I reveal that information to. For a long time, I never really felt
like anything was wrong or missing by not speaking about my sexual orientation. Ive always felt
like the coming out process was always really silly and unnecessary, and as far as I had
convinced myself I was already comfortable enough that Id be able to tell anyone who really
needed to know. Of course, at the time I also didnt think I would have to either so soon.
About a month before this semester started my mother, sister and I went to visit Family in
Vancouver, British Columbia (which is in Canada) for about a week, staying at a cousins home.
The last few days of the trip our cousin had her close friend Kevin stay over with us, and we all
hit it off pretty well. Kevin and I ended up chatting a lot by ourselves. The interesting thing to
note about that is Kevin was very much openly gay, and I had actually never really gotten to
chance to have a normal conversation with another gay individual. During a conversation in
which I thought we were alone, something compelled me to essentially blurt Im gay.
Kevins intuition mustve told him something specific because the first thing he did was
to ask me Do you want to talk about it? I replied sure, and he shut and he was just very

attentive and understanding. The words he used were always of someone who sympathized,
rather than empathized. It all felt very safe. The verbalization that took place provided a
catharsis, a release for me that I couldnt have gotten anywhere else. Little did I know though,
my sister had overheard most if not all of the conversation.
The next day though, my cousin and sister sent Kevin home stating we needed some
quality family time, and they suggested the idea of visiting the nearby nudist beach. I havent
done many exciting things in my life, so I was completely okay with the idea with going just for
a cool experience, if anything. While we did in fact go the idea of taking a fun, cool trip was
actually a guise for my sister to confront me about what she had overheard Kevin and I talking
about the day before. When she opened with the question Are you gay? I was immediately
became paralyzed with fear. She already knew the answer though. She recognized how mortified
I was though, and like Kevin tried her best to create a safe space for me and did all the talking
while I sat back and listened.
The most significant thing that she told me during her entire spiel was I am your sister,
and no matter what I will always love you because you are my brother. We both cried. It was
awkward, the tears were messy and a bit gross, and everything was just really surreal. (We were
still at the nudist beach) There was something very important from that conversation though. The
results werent immediate, as the entire day remained at about awkward. However, when we
all came home from that trip, I came home and began opening up to my closest friends what had
happened. The conversation that I had with Kevin along with my sister was the beginning a
defining lesson in the power of words and speech. I realized just how wrong I was in thinking I
did not need to talk about it at all because in reflecting on what happened, a grand sense of
validation filled within me and I truly felt like everything was okay.

Why Verbal Communication: A Conclusion


On a technical level, what exactly is verbalism but a person producing various sound
waves in a precise way using that thing inside our neck, which is then received by the ears of
whoever might be nearby? And yet, it is so much more complex than that. From birth we grow
we come to understand the noises that are uttered to us not simply such, but in fact correspond
to specific ideas and forms and in understanding this we have learned the concept of words. We
start to become self-expressive, grasping increasingly abstract thought and begin to start

vocalizing the words we hear, structuring them together to form sentences purposefully to
describe thoughts as they occur.
Although we are constantly communicating nonverbally as well, from what Ive
observed, are nonverbal message not just derivatives of verbal communication? We more often
than not describe a nonverbal message with words like says and tells, words associated with
speech. The scowl of a womans face tells me she is angry. A mans old, ragged clothes and
jeans as he walks into the interview room says that hes careless.
We learn to communicate verbally before anything else. In keeping silent, you are
squandering something we all possess: a voice. Every opinion, feeling, thought you, I, or anyone
else has can be expressed if one learns how to speak up effectively.
I think we seldom wonder whether a person truly understands us and it is truly a shame,
for being understood is truly an underrated pleasure. Whether it be something simple as
obtaining what you want, forming a close friendship, planning for an ambitious business venture,
or gaining lifelong relationships, having a true understanding of one another opens up an infinite
amount of possibilities. I support this with knowledge gained not only through simple research
but by deeply observing personal experiences. I write in advocacy for verbal communication my
topic because I have come to profoundly believe specific verbal communication is to create an
opportunity for someone to get closer to truly understand you, as well as for you to understand
them.

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