Domestic Discipline - a case history: Dr Arlene Drew speaks directly to the

husband.
'Do you believe in violence? Do you think that sometimes only brute force will
provide an answer.'
'I suppose most men believe that.' He replied, 'But I don't understand how submitting
to violence helps.'
I sighed, 'Submission can be an act of love. And punishment can also be an act of
genuine affection. Parents who spank their children do so because they want the best
for the whole family. Women who beat their husbands are acting in a similar manner -
they want only the best for their husbands.'
He raised an eyebrow, 'I thought marriage was about equal partnership. If I submit to
my wife, surely we're just moving the problem around.'
'You have a natural, built-in advantage - male authority. I'm asking you to transfer
that authority to your wife. That simple act redresses in small part the imbalance
inherent in all marriages. Your wife, any wife, has a built-in fear of male violence. I
want you to experience her fear.'
His face went quite pink. 'OK, suppose I accept the occasional beating or slap from
her. My 'natural' strength and masculinity is still there, I can 'change-back' at any time.
In effect we'll just be pretending.'
'Of course - that's why we have you, the male, as the servant in our role-play. And at
a later stage, once you have both learned to trust each other, you can mutually decide
on a more permanent basis. For now however, all we need is for you to accept - in
principle.'
He shrugged. 'I accept.'
I smiled, when they are receptive, it always starts easily. 'Let's start with the
practicalities.' I said, turning to his wife. ' I tell all of the wives in my program that
they must give their husband's a gift of a pretty lace-trimmed maid's apron. This type
of frilly garment is associated in the male mind with 'femininity' and 'servility' - for a
man to wear it, is a powerful statement of intent.'
Michelle was staring thoughtfully at her husband. Then, almost absently she
answered, 'Yes. I'll do that.'
Speaking once more to David, I told him, 'I ask all the husbands in my program to
give their wives a heavy, old-fashioned hairbrush as a gift. The hairbrush is to be used
for domestic discipline, and it symbolises his acceptance of her right to punish her
servant. It is the same as carrying a gun - the person holding it walks and talks more
confidently than the unarmed partner - and the potential victim becomes watchful and
wary, even the sight of the 'weapon' instils fear. Most husbands never experience fear,
most wives never taste power - the hairbrush tends to change all that!'
I waited, watching his face carefully. The words 'servant' and 'discipline' seem to
hang in the air. David squirms awkwardly in his seat. But he remains silent.
I glance at his wife. She is looking at him with a strange look on her face.
I continue, ' The enormous significance of the apron and the hairbrush should not be
underestimated; it tells both parties that the marriage can be rescued. The symbolism
is obvious. The formal giving of these gifts, in front of witnesses, can be described as
maid training. But in reality it is a new start for the couple, and it works! I know that
many wives who have been to my seminars now settle all domestic rows by tying a
frilly apron about the waist of their hotheaded husband and displaying the hairbrush!
A man wearing a frilly maid's apron does NOT shout. A man who has been beaten
with a hairbrush WILL accept a woman's views!'
Again I wait. I know from experience what is going through their minds.
 Michelle speaks first, a frown on her pretty face. 'Witnesses?' She queries sharply,
'You said everything was to be private.'
Her husband opened his mouth, but waited for my reply. 'Most of what you do, and
say, will be totally and completely confidential. Just the two of you - settling your
differences - to an agreed format. However - at various stages of this program we
need to reinforce the symbolism of what you are doing. In effect you are entering into
a contract with each other, enforceable contracts need a witness! Some couples have a
third party they can trust, others use me or a member of my staff.'
They glanced at each other, and silently agreed. 'We would like to keep this between
the three of us at this point in time...' Michelle told me.
I touched her knee. 'Then I will be your witness.'
David coughed, 'You mentioned...maid-training...?' His face was a bright pink now.
I chose my words with care. 'When I began my program most couples effectively
swapped-roles. Using the tried and tested principle of 'walking-a-mile-in-the-other-
man's-shoes' they began to appreciate each other's problems. And when we discussed
their progress a common complaint from the men was 'she's treating me like a
servant'. My answer to those husbands was simple - 'when your wife wore a frilly
apron and did all the housework and obeyed you - did you think of her as a maid, or
as a wife?' - and the husband usually got the message. HE had been treating his wife
like a servant and now he was paying the price. Today I discourage the role-swapping
and concentrate on the question - who is the servant in this marriage?'
David wasn't convinced. 'The woman who wants to humiliate her husband by turning
him into a maid is simply after revenge for past insults. How does that help rebuild a
marriage?'
'If I thought either of your were using this program for revenge it would end right
here. I thought we'd agreed - you are here to mend fences, not to hurt each other. At
the moment your attitude is one of sullen and arrogant resentment, perhaps a touch of
humiliation is indeed what you need David?'
To his credit David smiled ruefully. 'Perhaps.'
'Try it for one day. Make notes about everything, and then we'll meet again next
week.' I said, to both of them.
Dr Drew and her unusual opinions!
Her followers claimed that she was merely proposing that strong, naturally aggressive
and dominant husbands should adopt the life-style of a servant (preferably a female
servant), so as to fully understand the role and responsibilities of being a woman and a
wife. Is that credible? And should husbands 'transfer their masculine authority to their
wives' to prove their love?
http://www.frocks.nu/febissuout.htm