sexetc.

org

ByTeens
Teens
By

For Teens
Teens
For

Once upon a time...

Winter
2009
Fall
2015

Teens explore how fairy tales about relationships,

masculinity and sex match up with reality

Fairy tales
meet reality

Contents
ISSUE 29 Fall 2015

4 Staff Talks

Whats the Sex, Etc. teen editorial staff

talking about this fall?

PERSPECTIVES
9 Family Matters

Krystal had had a girlfriend for two years

when she decided to come out to her mom.
Find out what happened when Krystal told
her family that she likes girls.

5 Web, Etc.

Get the latest on Sexetc.org.

IN THE KNOW

10 Faces of Change

6 News, Etc.

News on gender identity, safe genderneutral restrooms and a smartphone device

that diagnoses sexually transmitted diseases
(STDs).

Caitlyn Caruso, a member of Advocates for

Youths Young Women of Color Leadership
Council and advocate for comprehensive
sex ed in Las Vegas, shares her passion for
making a difference.

11 The Spectrum

7 Sex 411

Wondering how to tell if your crush is

into you? Or maybe you want to know if
masturbating makes you any less of a virgin
or how often to get tested for STDs. Weve
got answers to these questions.

8 Our Health

Kyle talks with Dr. Ariella Friedman about

testicular torsionwhat it is and what you
need to know.

Where do you stand on dating someone

older? Ojanae considers the challenges of
dating when there is a three- to four-year
age difference between partners.

BACK IT UP
18 #HappilyEverAfter

Adrian speaks to teens about how great

sex ed and being informed about sex and
sexuality can lead to a happily ever after.

FEATURES
12 A Fairy-Tale First Time
Is first-time sex as romantic as they make
it seem in the movies? Leslie and Manish
challenge some of our fairy tales about sex.

14 The Reality of High

School Relationships
Are you going into high school with
fantasies about meeting the love of your
life? Emma looks at the reality of dating and
relationships in high school, and it doesnt
look anything like High School Musical.

16 My Own Type of
Masculine
Do you have to be a jock to be a real
man? Naf shares his experience figuring out
what being a man means to him.

COVER photography: jennifer rowsom

2014-2015 EDITORIAL STAFF

Manish Arora, 18
Joyce Canela, 18
Nafijur Dalim, 18
Ojanae Ellison, 18
Emma Grant, 18
Leslie Hassanein, 18
Gillian Hatcher, 17
Elena Hooper, 18
Adrian Lam, 16
Iman Messado, 18
Krystal Rodriguez, 18
Shelsea Rodriguez, 16
Kyle Taylor, 18

Lucinda Holt, M.A.

Director of Communications
Kaitlyn Wojtowicz, M.A.
Coordinator of Education and
Communications
Aimee Pelletier
Copy Editor
The Public
Graphic Design

Funding to support Sex, Etc.

comes in part from the following:
Mary Owen Borden Foundation,
Ford Foundation, Grove
Foundation, The George
Gund Foundation, F. M.
Kirby Foundation, The Piper
Sutton Foundation, WestWind
Foundation and generous
individual donors.

Nicole Cushman, M.P.H.

Executive Director

Views expressed in the

magazine do not necessarily
reflect those of the funders.

Susan N. Wilson, MS.Ed.

Senior Advisor

Sex, Etc. is published by Answer.

Answer
Center for Applied Psychology
Rutgers University
41 Gordon Road, Suite C
Piscataway, NJ 08854
Phone: 848.445.7929
Fax: 732.445.5333
E-mail: sexetc@rci.rutgers.edu
Website: http://answer.rutgers.edu
Donations to support Sex,
Etc. can be sent via check to
the address above and made
payable to Answer/Rutgers
University Foundation. Or go to
http://answer.rutgers.edu and
click on support our work.
Sex, Etc. relies on a review board of
sexual health experts to ensure that
we provide medically accurate sexual
health information.

sexetc.org

Copyright 2015

na Hooper,

Once upon a
time, I ate pickles
and drank milk at
the same time,
but now I realize
thats a really bad
combination.

Joyce Canela, 18

1
Once upon a time,
I didnt know what
an erection was so I
decided to find out
from porn, but now I
know that porn isnt
a great place to get
sex ed.

Once upon a time,

I thought boys
had cooties, but
now I know thats
not true. Im just a
lesbian.

an
i l li

Once upon a
time, we didnt
think we could
explore space, but
now we have an
international space
station.

Hatcher
,1

Once upon a time, I

was falling in love,
but now Im only
falling apart.

Once upon a time,

I couldnt wait to
go to high school,
but now I cant
wait to get out.

le Taylor, 18

Nafijur Dalim, 18

Shelsea Rodriguez, 16

Ky

a ss a n e
in,

Ele

H
lie
s
e

18

Once Upon a Time

Editorial Staff & Contributors

L
rian am, 16
d
A
Once upon a time,
I used to live in
Canada, but now
I live in the United
States.

Manish Arora, 18

Once upon a time,

I didnt care that
much about sleep,
but now I value my
sleep more than
ever.

Once upon a time, I

thought that talking
about sex was
taboo, but now I am
comfortable talking
about sexual health!

Iman Messado, 18

Kr
Once upon a time,
I thought my period
wouldnt be a big
deal, but now I have
monthly cramps that
prove otherwise.

l Rodriguez
,

Once upon a
time, I was a high
school senior, but
now Im a college
freshman.

m
Em

18

ta
ys

Ojanae Ellison, 18

Once upon a time,

I thought all it took
to get into college
was an application,
but now I know
its a much harder
process.

a Grant, 1

8
Once upon a time,
I thought that there
were only two
gender identities
and sexual
orientations, but
now I know both
are spectrums.

Why Wonder?

Staff Talks

Once Upon a Time

By Shelsea Rodriguez, 16, Staff Writer and Iman Messado, 18, Staff Writer

Iman: This issues theme is Once Upon a Time.... The feature stories
explore the fairy tales that people have about a few topicssex,
masculinity and relationshipsand then they explore the realities of
teens experiences with these same topics.

it is something that we can have control over. It would have been

awesome if we had covered that in my sex ed class. Was any one
of the topics covered in these feature stories covered in your sex ed
class?

Shelsea: Why do you think these are important topics for teens
to learn about?

Shelsea: Sadly, Iman, none of these topics were discussed in my

sex ed class. We had a rigorous review of sexually transmitted
diseases and information on what rape was, but topics like what
Naf, Emma, Manish and Leslie wrote werent even touched upon.
Im disappointed because sex ed should cover not only one or
two things but the entire spectrum of sexuality. Thankfully we
have Sex, Etc. and its awesome staff! Our purpose is to raise
awareness about the things teens dont know, and with these
articles Im sure we will!

Iman: It is interesting, isnt it? Manish and Leslies story explores

various fairy tales about engaging in sexual behaviors for the first
time and gave especially cool perspectives from teens who might
not have had the perfect first time but who may prefer their reality
to the fairy tale. It showed that its OK to not be a natural when
you start out; sex isnt a competition.
Shelsea: Youre right about sex not being a competition! Theres
no trophy when it comes to it.
Iman: And Emmas story was about her experience with
relationships in high school. Why do you think her article is
important for teens to read?
Shelsea: Emmas article on her experiences with relationships in
high school was something I could relate to a lot. We sometimes
think that relationships are supposed to happen automatically
once you get into high school and that its weird if youre not in
one or that all relationships are perfect Cinderella and Prince (or
Princess!) Charming dreams that always have a happy ending.
The reality is actually ordinary. There are no sparkles or fairy
godmothers, no glass slippers and castles. For Emma to give a
personal account of what high school relationships are like is a
great way for us to see how real-life relationships can be.
Iman: I totally agree with you! Its not realistic to expect to
find your Prince or Princess Charming in high school. That
also doesnt mean that your high school relationships wont be
awesome. It all depends on who you and your partner are and
your chemistry together.
Shelsea: What are you excited about with this issue?
Iman: Im really excited for Nafs story. He talks about dealing with
his masculinity in high school. He tried football. He tried wrestling.
He talked to his friends about sex, sports and girls, but he never
really felt comfortable trying to be the stereotypical guy. When he
started doing things he was actually interested in, he started to feel
more true to himself. That is to say, by putting time and energy into
being his best self, he felt like he was in control of who he was as
a guy. I think that this is super important for teens to read because
its good for us to understand that our gender and how we express

sexetc.org

Iman: Youre so right! A lot of people dont realize that

comprehensive sex ed includes discussing things like
relationships, first times and masculinity. Sex, Etc. really is an
awesome resource, and Im glad we get to be a part of it. This
issues articles are especially cool. Im glad I got to discuss them
with you.

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