P1 Pauli.

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Good statement of her argument!

Give one point from these teachers. This sentence sets up the
sense that
you'll share their thoughts. Or, if you don't share a specific
detail, work on
a stronger conclusion to the paragraph. Right now, the
paragraph "hangs open."

Don't forget to
include
parenthetical
citation for any
paraphrased or
summarized
information that
can be located
on a specific
page. You
appear to only be
citing quotes.

Compared to the
specifics of the first
body paragraph,
this paragraph is
undeveloped. The
effect is uneven.

What were some of the results? In particular, the fact that she found no examples
of textspeak in students papers would be useful info.

the idea

You only need the Cullington source on your Works Cited page.
Notice that none of your attribution in the parenthetical citation was for
Baron. Even when you included a quote by him, you still (correctly)
used Cullington. This is because you ONLY cite the source YOU got
the information from. You didn't read Baron's book, so you shouldn't
cite it.
"

" They Say/I Say.

pagepage.

P1 Pauli.docx
GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE

GENERAL COMMENTS

/80

Instructor
Shauna,
You have a strong summary here. Cullington's
argument is stated well, you have many extremely
articulate statements, and you do a nice job of
including both detail and the overall argument.
Because the paper is already strong, any one of
many small changes could push the quality up in to
the A range.
T he list below names areas f or improvement, and
these are the improvements you should f ocus on
f irst if you choose to revise this paper f or the f inal
portf olio. In this list, you will see ref erences to
comments in the paper. You can see these
comments by going to the T urnitin Grademark
document icon.
1. Work on detail. T he paper has comments with
specif ics, but in general, the second body paragraph
contains too little detail compared to other
paragraphs, and some paragraphs could have one
more detail. Remember that the purpose of details is
to help the reader see how the author supported her
argument, and you want to make this vivid without
going overboard.
2. Add or revise some transitions. See the comments
in the paper.
3. Work on some minor citation issues. In particular,
make some changes to your Works Cited page. See
the comments about the Baron source, especially.
Since I think we've already exchanged e-mails about
only including citation f or sources YOU have read, if
you don't understand the problem with including the
Baron source, please contact me. Also, remember to
include parenthetical citation f or paraphrased or
summarized inf ormation that can be located on a
specif ic page.
A strong revision of this paper shouldn't take very
long--a little less than an hour would be my estimate.
Please let me know if you have questions! I'd be

happy to discuss concerns you have or changes you

make.

PAGE 1

QM

Coherence
Coherence
Additional Comment T here is a little gap between sentences because the f irst one seems to
set the reader up f or a f uller explanation of the "riddle." T his is a minor problem though.

Comment 1
Since Cullington states "in f act," it seems unlikely that she would agree with this statement.

Text Comment.

Good statement of her argument!

Text Comment.

Don't f orget to include parenthetical citation f or any paraphrased or

summarized inf ormation that can be located on a specif ic page. You appear to only be citing
quotes.

Text Comment.

Give one point f rom these teachers. T his sentence sets up the sense that
you'll share their thoughts. Or, if you don't share a specif ic detail, work on
a stronger conclusion to the paragraph. Right now, the paragraph "hangs open."
QM

Weak Transition
Weak paragraph transition:
Although paragraphs are separate, individual steps of your paper, it is important to clearly
demonstrate a logical connection between them. Generally speaking, the way your paragraphs
relate to one another displays how sound your argument really is. A paragraph that begins with
"also" or "in addition" of f ers a weak transition f rom the previous point, even though it may
develop a highly interesting and related point.
Additional Comment You might try a simple "Af ter covering the negatives..."

PAGE 2

Text Comment.

Compared to the specif ics of the f irst body paragraph, this paragraph is
undeveloped. T he ef f ect is uneven.

Text Comment.

What were some of the results? In particular, the f act that she f ound no
examples of textspeak in students papers would be usef ul inf o.

Comment 2
T his transition to a conclusion will always be a little too obvious. : )

Text Comment.

the idea

Comment 3
Well-said!
PAGE 3

Text Comment.

You only need the Cullington source on your Works Cited page. Notice
that none of your attribution in the parenthetical citation was f or Baron. Even when you included
a quote by him, you still (correctly) used Cullington. T his is because you ONLY cite the source
YOU got the inf ormation f rom. You didn't read Baron's book, so you shouldn't cite it.

Text Comment.

T hey Say/I Say.

Text Comment.

"

Text Comment.

"

Strikethrough.
Text Comment.

page-page.