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ZoeRicher
Ms.Gardner
English10H/Period6
20January2016
GreyMatter
Happinessisachoice.ChooseiteverydayAnonymous.Wakeupeachmorning,and
rewireyourbrain.Isitnotsimpleenough?Whenyoubegintofeeldown,juststop.
You
arein
control.
You
havethepowertofeelbetter,sowhywon'tyou?You
can
behappy.
Isatupstraightinmyseat,placingonehandovertheother.MyeyesfollowedMs.Triola
fromherdesktothefrontoftheclass.Shebegantowriteonthewhiteboardwithvibrantneon
markers.Theletters,alongwiththerestofthebrightlycoloredclassroomdecor,irritatedme.
Whywasitnecessarytolinethewallswithflashypostersandalloftheshadesonthecolor
spectrum?Iassumedthepurposewastoputstudentsinahappymood,makingthemeagerto
learn.Ipreferredcolorsthatwereonthecalmerside.
Onceshereturnedtoherdesk,IwentuptoaskhersomethingIhadjuststartedtoponder.
Whatisitthatmakespeoplehappy?Ms.Triolalookeddownatmeinastonishment,asifshe'd
neverreceivedathoughtprovokingquestionwhileteachingthefirstgrade.
I...Idon'tknow,shestammered.Areyouparticularlyunhappy?Iconsideredthisbriefly,
then
shookmyhead.
Idon'tthinkso.Iwasjustwondering,Itriedtoplaymyquestionoff,hopingshewouldn'tcall

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mymomordadoutofconcern.
Oh,alright,shetookadeepbreath,andlookedbackatme.IwishIcouldgiveyoutheright
answer,butI'mafraidthereisn'tone.Happinessisjustsomethingyoufeel.
Right...thanksMs.Triola.Ismiledather,returningtomyseatmyquestionremaining
unanswered.
Ihavegonethroughmyshortlifewithmanyunansweredquestions,mostlysurrounding
thebrainandhowonebecomeshappy.IvereadonetoomanyBuzzfeedarticlesonHow
toMakeYourselfHappy(asimple,tenstepinstructionalguide).Therearefewthingstotake
fromarticlessimilartothese.Byusingvagueandclichexpressionsthatappearinspirational,
andgivingexamplesofpeoplewho'vecompletelyturnedtheirlifearoundbysimplywilling
themselvestobehappy,thesearticlesleaveyouwithnothingbutemptypromisesandcrushed
hope.Illadmitit'sabitofanexaggeration,butimaginehowconfusingitisforayoungchildto
always
hearthewordsYou
can
behappy,notentirelyknowingwhathappinessentails,and
convincing
herselfthatitcanbeachievedmerelybywillpowerandastrongmind.
Thebrainisperhapsthemostcomplexmechanisminexistenceweavingtogetherunique
thoughtsandfeelingsforeachindividual.Fromayoungage,Iresearchedthebrain,seekingthe
answerstomyimpossiblequestions.BeforeIgainedaccesstotheInternetanditsplethoraof
viablesources,Iwasforcedtouseanearlyarchaicobjectcalledanencyclopedia.Ivaguely
recallflippingthroughmygrandmotherssetofencyclopedias,readingforhours.Irummaged
throughthe
B
sectionandreadaboutthewaythebrainprocessesemotions.Ifoundmyself

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becomingmoreenvelopedwiththissubjecteachpageIturned,evenifIdidntunderstandwhat
halfofitmeant.
Withinafewminutes,IstumbleduponGrey&Whitematters.Greymattermakesup
40%ofbrainmatter,whileWhitemattermakesuptheother60%.Iquicklygrewinterestedwith
Greymatter,becauseitincludesthesectionsofthebraindevotedtocomplexdecisionmaking,
musclecontrol,sight,sound,memory,speech,andemotions(
Lestrud
).
Greymattermakesuswhoweare.Itbothshapesandformsus,andhasanamountof
controloverourbodiesthatmayterrifysome.Greymatterislinkedtomentalillnessesofall
kinds,morphingpeoplesperceptionsofreality,forcingthemtofaceproblemsmanywillnever
havetoworryabout.Greymatterdoesn'tsayyou
can
behappy,itdecidesforyou.Grey
matterformallyintroducedmetosevereanxietyanddepressioncorruptingmymindfroma
youngage.Howdoesonecometotermswithfeelingstheycan'tinterpret?
IdistinctlyrememberthedayIadmittedtomyselfthatIwasnotentirelyincontrolofmy
emotions.Fromtheagesofthreetothirteen,Iwasrepeatedlytoldbyclosefamilyandfriends,
Youchoosetobesad,anditwascrucialthatIconsistentlyremindmyselftobehappy.I
madeitapointtotrythiseveryday.Whilehavingaconversationwithmygrandma,whos
opinionsIvaluetothisday,Iinsisteditdidn'tmakesensetoforcemyselftobehappyifit
continuouslyfailed.Shedisagreed,claimingthisworkedforher.
Happinessisn'tsomethingyoushouldhavetoforce,evenifyoumayneedtoremindyourself
howfortunateyouareonceinawhile,mygrandmalookedatmewithasmile.You
can
be
happy.Shedidn'tunderstandshe
couldn't
understand.Isawher,alongwiththosewhokindly
remindedmetochangemyoutlook,inanotherlight.Inoddedandchangedthesubject,but

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quietlyreassuredmyself,you
can
getthroughthis
.
LittledidIknowthen,comingtoterms
withthelackofcontrolIfeltovermyemotionsbegantheprocessofseekingpropermedical
attention.Irosefrommyseat,approachingthedoor.WhenIturnedtolookback,theroomwas
blackandwhite.
WorksCited
Lestrud,Sydney."50FactsofGrey...Matter."
Medium
.2015.Web.19Jan.2016.