Building Healthy Lives

VOLUME 11 / NOVEMBER 2012

Last week I took advantage of a beautiful day to take my 2-yr old & a friend's three-year old to the zoo. It had been a great day but we were all exhausted & ready to get home. I was at a stop-sign at a major road needing to turn left, & an impatient male driver (aged 16-22yrs) decided to lay on the horn because he thought I should go. My son had already fallen asleep & this guy had been tail-gating me the last mile so it seriously irritated me. There was significant cross-traffic that definitely had the right-of-way, but there was also traffic coming straight across who also had the right-of-way before my making a left turn (internally I was stating 'ya moron')! Moments later, he honked again furthering my irritation but I gave no response. Then the fateful third, long blast of the horn happened which initiated my brief touch with what I call "psychosis." I threw my shifter into 'park, got out & went back to his truck. I acted like a complete crazy person, screaming at him at the top of my lungs for him to read his f***ing driver's handbook that it was not my turn to go! After he made a few gestures for me to "go," I hollered at him even

Our October meeting for The Center went well. In the planning session we talked about one thing:

We allow influences in because we accept them as valid. Our inner voice tells us that to "be accepted," we must dress like those around us. We don't want to stand out. We dont want to be weird or odd. For sure, I believe Jesus didn't wear clothing that made Him stand out. He didn't go against the cultural dress code. He did come against the cultural thought code. "If a man thinks in his heart about women, he has already committed adultery with her" he said. Ouch. Here is the challenge. We all have a tendency to throw stones.

We talked about what influences you. We know we cant influence unless we are in the culture. Can't umpire the game unless there is a game. Can't speak to the crowd unless there is a crowd. Can't have class without students. And we surely can't have a Center that makes a difference without understanding the rules of the game, how to draw the crowd, or how to attract the student. What am I talking about? I am talking about what influences you and me? If you, my friend, were going to influence someone, how would you do it? The only real influence anyone has over you is to influence your belief system. Those beliefs are core inside you, and those change only if you are challenged.

How many times have you heard I'll never go back to church, because ... and they fill in the rest with a personal story or experience they had. How many times have you heard If people would just accept Jesus their life would change and yet we know that the exact same issues that are in the Beliefs like "it doesn't matter if I lie, no one will ever world are in the church: divorce, know." Or "I am not that bad" when you drive 75 pornography, alcoholism, slander, in a 65 and never get caught. "I know I shouldn't indifference, infidelity, and hypocrisy. look at this porn but what does it really harm? I know I should not be so mad at them, but I can't So, what are we do to? Take personal help it, they really hurt me!" "I will never go back to responsibility for who we are. Influence that store. They did me dirty and I will tell starts by taking personal responsibility for everyone I know what they did to me. what you think about and how you feel.

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I Love My Badness. (not my sin)

I heard myself talking about how much I love me the other day while speaking. It came to my attention that I should clarify that statement. What I love is my badness, ie, I love that I am incapable of doing things that just dont come naturally to me. I love that I am not organized, and that I cant spell. I love the fact that I get distracted and have some ADD stuff going on. It just reminds me how much God loves me and made me unique for His purpose. That badness means that I must rely on others to help me do what I cannot do. I love that I now realize that I must focus on being good at what I do well, and must move toward letting go of and asking for help with what I can not do. I get better at what I am good at doing and let go of trying to perfect those things that I will never perfect. I accept my badness! Daniel C. Clark

We all have a time in our lives when we are done: when we hit d takes you bottom. into the lives of many famous and not so famous people who have all come to the same conclusion. When life is at its worst, the only place you can look is up. When we look up we see that we are not in charge. We are actually second. God is in charge. Death, divorce, infidelity, addictions., violence, and racism are all dealt with in the lives of these individuals. This entertaining and well written book is filled with real life stories of lives changed after times of failing. Daniel Clark I give this book a ten on my list of most recommended books.

Take three close friends and ask them what they would change about you. Not your outward stuff, but the behaviors they see as harmful. Like your quick tongue, or judgmental attitude. Or your inability to forgive or your quick temper. Personal responsibility is so important. Being part of the "I am not that bad" crowd doesn't work, if you want to make a difference in the community. Making a difference in the world starts with not what you are doing but with changing who you are on the inside. Are you living the life you want? Then lets change that! Need to learn how to forgive?

Hurt and angry about what happened in your past? Do you find you are feeling your life has no purpose? That means you can change into the person YOU can be by experiencing HOW to change not just learning about it. Let's get real. Are you hateful, unkind, unforgiving, judgmental, angry or bitter? These behaviors in you will prevent you from being any kind of lasting influence. Unless you truly deal with these, you will only have temporary influence on anyone. Our next information meeting about The Center for Change is on Sunday, November 11 at 3 p.m. Daniel C. Clark

Finding your Purpose in God

By Dan Clark
Starts Jan 2013 6 weeks of Intense study

More information on this class go to www.thecnterforchange.org/gods-purpose

CARE Counseling
more about learning the rules of the road. He refused to roll down his window & engage with me, so then I shouted at him that he was a coward, and that if he honked his horn again and woke up my baby, that I was going to kick his a$$. I stomped back to my vehicle, put it in drive, and patiently waited my turn. WOW! What was that? Better yet, WHO was that? My mind was whirling at 100mph. Who was that insane person who just harassed a complete stranger, shouted profanity at them, AND why did it feel so good? I had not felt that kind of rage about ANYTHING in a long time, and that was definitely-not the composed, responsible, person I have honed myself to be (or show the world anyways). It was like an imposter had taken over my body! It was several miles down the road before I realized, 'jeez, now there was some emotion!' I felt true, in-the-moment, uncensored emotion, and I expressed that emotion in a very real way. I remember thinking, "Dan will be happy that I experienced emotion" even though I need to find more constructive and safe ways of venting it!" A little background would be helpful here: I have been on a major personal journey to process my emotions related to childhood sexual abuse by my father. For 20+ years now, I could discuss my abuse with a clinical detachment with anyone. I didn't know that I had only dealt with a fraction of the abuse because I had held in all the emotions and had never allowed them to flow through me. I'm assuming most 10 to 14 year olds wouldn't know how to adequately process the emotions connected to the nightly violation of their father-daughter relationship. Survival instincts took over all those years ago and allowed me to maintain my sanity, but even as an adult, I thought those emotional wounds may officially 'break' me and interfere with my ability to function as a mom, as a wife, etc. I have recently begun reliving those emotions with the guidance and protection of The Holy Spirit and the intense freedom that it has already showered me with has been worth every bit of the risks. I'm excited about trudging through the rest of the emotions and about getting to a point of being completely rid of the darkness, shame and secrecy so I can more-fully be the person God intended me to be. ~Melissa Lunsford

Melissa Lundsford is married and has four children. She lives in Altamont KS and has a day care in her home. As with all emotions, Melissa is understanding that her willingness to be real is just the beginning of change and growth. I have been working with Melissa for a few years now and she has made more movement toward change in the past two months than she has ever made. There are several reasons why. A main reason is her willingness to be completely transparent about her past with an accountability person. She was given a person to tell her story to, and that opened the door for her to be more real with herself and her emotions. The growth and change is amazing. I applaud her willingness to be open to the rules that work. Thanks, Melissa, for being willing to take a risk: changes within your self, your relationship with God, and your family. If you would like more information on how the accountability partner works, call The CENTER for Change at 620-450-6242.

The CENTER for Change will have an open meeting to talk about the up coming classes for the winter session. The Leadership Team will be putting together the list of classes and possible teachers. Your input is very valuable. Plan on spending time helping this new project get off the ground to make a difference in our community.

Its easy to donate to CARE. Our paypal email is Simply log into your paypal account and click on the send money to and put CAREs email address in the send box. Thanks so much!

Events
Nov 2012
Leadership Meeting Open to all The CENTER for Change Sunday, Nov. 11 3 p.m. First Baptist Church Parsons KS Thanksgiving Day Thursday, Nov 22

Dec 2012
Christmas Day Tuesday, Dec 25

Jan 2013
Planned opening of The CENTER for Change in Parsons, KS For more information about The Center: www.thecenterforchange.org To volunteer call us at 888-999-2196

Thank You For Supporting CARE! Address service requested

First Baptist Church
CARE Counseling, Inc 1621 Main, Parsons KS 67357 3411 N. Rangeline, Joplin, MO 64804 Phone: (417)206-3500 888-999-2196 Info@carecounseling.info www.carecounseling.info Mailing Address 3829 S. Duquense Rd Joplin, MO 64804

Non-Profit Organization U.S. Postage Paid Parsons, KS 67357