Love Yourself First: They Come Later

David Hawk Sharpe Founder and Head Coach Be Social Now

Be Social Now, 2008/2009

Acknowledgements

First and foremost thanks to my friends and family who have supported me along the way. You have all been a great deal of inspiration to me in writing this book. You have believed in me when I was at my lowest lows, and celebrated with me at my highest highs. The sky is the limit now, and I could not ask for better people. The men and women of the seduction community for showing me the correct starting path to being an extravert, but ultimately the wrong way to finding myself. To those that wrote books on how to be fake and get laid, to those who tried to teach us how to be us. Thank you for opening my eyes and helping me realize that only I could find my true way to happiness. And finally, thank you. The reader, for without you this path would be worthless and wasted on only one being. You are the most important person of all, and someday you will agree with me.

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INDEX: Preface Chapter 1: What do women really want? Chapter 2: What do men really want? Chapter 3: Who am I?

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Preface Where are you?

A simple enough question to answer, depending on the context it is asked. What Im interested in knowing is where you stand on the evolutionary ladder? No, not how far you have evolved, but how likely are you to pass your genes on to evolve further? When asked why men do not change their last name when getting married, the answer was almost unanimous. I want to pass along my family name. Why do we strive to pass along a name? I mean what difference does it make as long as we pass our genes along? The idea comes from the fact that once we do pass our genes along one time, we never know if we will again. This is something that has been socially implanted into our heads from our fathers, whom it was implanted from their fathers, etcetera This book was not written to express my own views on procreation. Ive personally never had a child, nor do I intend to until I am ready. This book was however, written to give you the tools to procreate when you are ready. I started out exactly where you are right now some time ago. Trying to figure out what women are attracted to, what makes them tick, and why am I not with that girl? Well Im here to tell you friend, the answers are out there.

At first this will be challenging for you to forget everything you have learned about women and what you think works with them. Forget about the ideas that money, power, and status are going to get you the women of your dreams. I will not tell you that they will not get you women; however I will tell you that they will get you women for the wrong reasons. There is a book called The Sperm Wars by Robin Baker that explains the relationship between lover and provider. A woman will marry a rich and powerful man, but sleep with the pool boy. Why does this happen? This happens because the woman is not attracted to the rich man, she is attracted to his money. Granted you will find the beautiful women out there, and they are few and far between that will not care about money or status. This comes from the 98% of our behaviors that are influenced by nurturing vs. our genetic makeup. The two percent is what we are going to focus on in this book, how to be attractive based off of what she had inherited as an innate belief of what makes a suitable mate.
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Welcome to one of the biggest changes of your life, this will be one of the make or break points that will either get you going in the right direction, or it will make absolutely no sense to you. With any self help product, I give myself a 90 day trial period with it, three months. Ultimately thats just a blink in your existence, and I believe this is a fair enough request of you. Give yourself 90 days of pure dedication to the world I am going to open your eyes to. I guarantee you will see a difference in yourself.

Thank you for purchasing this product, and Im sure it will be a great investment for you. Upon completion of this book, I cannot promise you that you will be able to get any girl you so desire. However I can promise you that you will have started a journey to self enlightenment that will allow you to attract the girls you do desire. Anyone who tells you that they can get you any girl in the world is a fool. It goes much deeper than that, and I ensure you that the key to being successful with women is locked away inside of you, I cannot open the box however I can give you the tools to open it yourself. That being said, enjoy. -David Hawk Sharpe

Suggestions: Throughout this book there will be suggestions emphasized with italicized font. These are not mandates, nor will they change the message you are receiving. However; they are suggestions that will help you along the way to enlightenment with the opposite sex, and I would suggest that you complete them.

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CHAPTER 1 What do women really want? The mainstream media in America and around the world have been telling us since almost the invention of the television what makes a woman / man attractive. The media has its hooks buried deep down inside every single one of us in the form of socialization. My question to you is what defined attractive behaviors or qualities before television? Did your great great great grandfather look at his wife and draw his opinion of her from what was in the glamour magazine? Back then what made someone a suitable mate had little to do with what everyone else was going to think about you, it had more to do with what you had to do to ensure your familys survival. Like all things, those times died. However the genes passed on, instead now we get told what to think of as attractive though. And girls are proven to be more influential at a young age then men, so they get it the worst. Think back to middle school or high school, when the boy bands came on to the scene. Girls panties were getting wet at the IDEA of one of these douche bags just singing a song to them. Damn is that what it was going to take? Dye your hair blonde; have your mom dress you, and sing a song in falsetto? Then bam youre in. Of course thats not what it was going to take. As we soon found out these boys were nothing more than a phase that the girls went through. Well then what happened? We get to high school and all of a sudden its about the jock, the popular crowd, or what I liked to call them The Plastic Bunch. Pretty much for their lack of elasticity on who was in and who wasnt in. Even then if you think back to it though, these kids acted like their lives were modeled after some late night television series where Jack and Joleen are dating but then Casey wants some of Jacks baby gravy you get the point. So if you were like me through all the high school politics, and bull spit you gave up during high school and settled for a mediocre girlfriend (if even that) or decided to live in loneliness.
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So then we get out of high school and out into the real world. Some of us go to the Military, some of us go to college, and some of us go to work. Still without the basic idea of what women truly want, at this point weve only dealt with girls. I honestly believe this is why most of our high school relationships will fail. Sometimes you hear of Jack and Joleen getting married, having two kids, or whatever. But almost always it ends up in divorce. This is because a woman doesnt REALLY know what she wants until she can realize how to be happy with herself. All these girls in their high school days and early college days will wreck you. The 18 21 crowds rarely know what they want. These girls are good for one night stands, and random hook ups or fuck buddy status. For the simple reason it is easy to manipulate the mind in this time of transition. You dont have to be the most suave guy or the most confident. You just have to be able to get into the mentality long enough to get what you want and go. Sounds immoral as hell and I know this, but its the truth. So how can we know what women want if they dont even know what they really want? This question has plagued men for ages. And honestly searching for the answer will give you a thousand different results, if not millions. (Go Google it right now and see for yourself.) Ive found its not always about finding out what women want its more or less finding out what they want right now. You can figure this out by being intuitive and reading their body language. Do not be afraid to observe a woman at a club, a grocery store, or even in the class room. Once you stop thinking about it and just observe you will see some very different cues in their behaviors. A woman in a committed relationship will be a little more closed off in her body language as far as communication with guys goes. However a woman who is not in a committed relationship may flirt a little more openly with guys, even if its not with you. You can easily pick up the subtle cues that will be there. And if all else fails you can ask. This brings us to the point of approach and rapport building which occurs in any sort of social interaction. Be it with a female or with a male. When you do approach a woman, you do not want to be so aggressive that you scare her off, yet at the same time you do not want to be so carefree that she feels like you dont give a damn about her at all. You want to show interest without showing interest. You want to be able to handle whatever response she gives you with

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a response of your own. No approach is ever going to go exactly the same way as the one before it, not will the one after it go the same way. As Ive beat the subject to death in this chapter alone, different women definitely want different things from us men, as far as what she finds attractive in a potential suitor goes, your guess would be as good as mine. This is why I cannot put enough emphasis on being an observer at some point on your journey, find the kind of girls that you are attracted to, and monitor what they are attracted to. Do not be afraid to start off slow, the journey is very long and you will have plenty of time to establish yourself for whom you so desire to be.

Chapter 1 Suggestion: Start a journal, in this journal I want you to list the qualities of men or women that the women or men you are attracted to, find attractive. This will require a little bit of observation on your behalf, do not be afraid to conduct observations on your fellow man, how are you supposed to know any better if you just keep doing what you would normally do?

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Chapter 2 What do men really want?

To explain one side of the fence without explaining the other would be totally immoral and irrational on my quest to present the mechanics of attraction to you, the reader or student. Guys we need to face it, we are more physically attracted to women than they are to us. I know youve read somewhere, sometime, somehow that this is not true and must be a fallacy amongst sociologist who took the poll. Men are visually stimulated, not only through what we are told is hot, but through a biological scale. We genetically inherit certain attraction traits that attract us to different women. Whereas I may find a girl who has large breasts, wide hips, and a thin waist very attractive, you may find a girl who is exactly the opposite to be attractive. I am no one to judge you; this is why I throw out the 1-10 scale. Everyones is different. Physical attraction never hurts though, most of what we see as attractive in a female is due to the fact that they have traits that are desirable to breed with. Large breasts (or full breasts) will produce more food for our children, wide hips means the girl can actually bear our children without the risk of killing them during child birth. (Keep in mind that medical advances have come long ways since our forefathers and ancestors were breeding.) These are the biological factors that we associate hot within our minds. However as we males get older, we find that a sane girl who is of decent attractiveness is better to have than a really hot girl who is insane. It has been said in psychology that 2% of what we do in our behaviors and cognitive self is inherited genetically, the rest is how we were raised. Society conditions us through entertainment and media to give us the ideas of what would make up a perfect 10. Pornographic videos taint the minds of us from youth, with the invention of the internet; pornography has never been so readily available to anyone who knows how to type. The desensitization process to how real women behave and how the mating process goes, is started through porn. This demoralization in and of itself is a powerful

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process that shapes the way our subconscious will view the process of being with women of true quality. I am by no means saying this is your fault as a man; however I am saying that your grandfather did not look at pornographic images or movies to the length that we can now. Perhaps its time to put down the socialization tools that the world is throwing at you, and truly find out what you want yourself. We men are just as bad as settling for what is right right now as women are. As the old statement goes, it takes two to tango. Throughout my personal life, I have been in over twenty relationships, all lasting at least a month. Engaged five times, at first I would always wonder what was wrong with me, why am I falling out of love in my relationships, why cant I find the one girl that everyone talks about. Then I realized, there is no such thing as the one and putting that pressure on a woman is just asking for trouble. Instead of focusing on the idea that there is a soul mate out there for you, and one single soul mate at that focus on the idea that there are millions of women out there, some that will share some of your interests and common goals in life, some that are just wanting to have fun like you are, and some that are none of the above. Once you get to the point where you do know what you want, it is easy to find. Ultimately what I wanted to point out in these first two chapters is that there is no set defined law of what attracts X female to Y male. Sometimes it just happens, sometimes it can be forced. If you go through life emulating someone that is not yourself, you will miss out on something that only YOU could have experienced. And this not only goes for the guys that are reading this book, this goes for the girls that have stumbled across it at their book store, before you go finding your soul mate and getting tied down try out a few others, you may just be surprised at where you find yourself in a few years. Look in your journal and notice the qualities that you feel attracted you to the type of women or man that you think you should be attracted to. Do you still believe that these are the true qualities that you are attracted to? Or are these just qualities that society has pushed down your throat. Feel free to change the qualities at this time, if your journal needs no changing,

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then good youre further along than some may be. If it does, do not be discouraged, instead read on.

Chapter 3: Who am I?

I am not asking this question to myself to be marked by the merits that society has given me. My occupation does not matter, for it is not who I am. At my inner core who am I? If I follow these methods that society gives me, is that who I really am? Am I only marked by my achievements in this lifetime? What truly makes me happy? These are all questions that a man or woman who is truly on the path of self development should ask themselves. Through these questions you can see that even you are marked through external validation. Through these questions I noticed that I was marked through external validation. I thought it was cool to be the guy who had a different girl every other night; I thought it was hip to be a social drinker, and happily working my nine to five. However I sat down and asked myself these questions and realized that my existence was so hollow. I was doing nothing for me and everything for everyone else. The internal realization that my life was heading into a meaningless void was more powerful than any book I had ever read. The conviction I felt in myself motivated me to go back to school and study. To be something better than what I was, this made me a better man from the get go. I set out on my own journey of enlightenment and found that there are deeper meanings than what we scratch on the surface. As I progressed on building myself up not only to internal validation, but ultimately to happiness, I realized that people were attracted to other people that felt good about themselves. To people that loved themselves and cared for whom they were, instead of what everyone else thought. This gave me the power over all of my social interactions, to know that I

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was good enough for me. I could still get girls, however I became selective in the girls that I was choosing, I learned how to screen for the right girls from the first interaction, and this was also a powerful tool. The point is that you need not be doing anything to seek external approval from the people around you; instead what you want to do is push yourself to be more confident and happy internally. Once you start doing things that make you happy and make you accept yourself for who you are, the people around you will be able to sense it. You are a beacon to successful people and you will attract not only the opposite sex, you will attract people of the same sex that are also internally blissful. This will make for great interactions and very strong bonds in relationships. Also you will notice that your insecurities are gone, and you will be able to answer the questions I laid out above. If you always wanted to be a movie star, work yourself towards that path in life. Never let anyone else tell you that you cant do anything. Not only does this apply to the idea of a career path, or even a friendly relationship. This also applies to everyone that you have ever met. People notice a change in me from the first days I started working towards finding myself, the true inner me, to who I am today. Do this because it is something that you want to do, do this because it is something that makes you feel good about yourself, do not do this if its just a way for you to hurt others. Respecting yourself includes respecting everyone who has ever met you, as they are a part of you. Not only will this change the way you interact with them, but it will make your insecurity disappear.

List in your journal some of the traits that make you unique as a man or woman. Figure out why these make you unique. Do you view them as positive or negative? If they are negative is there anything you can do to change them? If so, list what you can do to fix the negative traits beside them. IE: I am overweight; I should go to the gym more. At the same time, beside your positive traits, list what you can do to make them more dominant. IE: I am intelligent; Even though I am intelligent, I should still read more and learn from everyone I meet.

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This will help you establish yourself as an attractive and fun person to be around. No one likes a self loather, at the same time think about the people in your life that may negatively impact your behaviors, it may be time to tell them goodbye. Misery loves company, and you do not want to be miserable anymore.

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