Revision 2 (with Mdm. Low 21/2/2011) Group 1 1. There are general principles that govern interpersonal conflicts.

. Discuss only three. State what the principles are and with the help of suitable examples, explain how knowledge of such principles will help parties concern to minimize or avoid conflicts. (Page 161-164) According to DeVito in Essential of Human Communication, interpersonal conflicts is a conflict or disagreement between two person (Comment: you need to quote the year of publication) Principles that govern interpersonal conflicts: (Comment: State that you will focus your discussion on only 3 principles as required by the question as there are more than 3 principles. You sh mention this in yr introduction and relate to the ques.asked.) 1. Conflict can be positive or negative There are general principles that govern Interpersonal conflict. Discuss only 3 and with the help of suitable example how a knowledge of the principles will help party concern to minimize of avoid conflict. (Comment: Pl omit this part. It is now not necessary) o Conflict can be negative or positive. Negative aspect Conflicts lead to increases negative regard for the opponent because they involve unfair fighting method and focused largely on hurting the other person. Beside, conflicts also lead you to close yourselves off from the other people which prevent the communication taking place. Due to that, one or both parties will seek intimacy elsewhere cause further conflict, mutual hurt, and resentment. Example Shima had a misunderstanding with her best friend, Shika for lying to her about her result. Instead of clarifying the issue with one another , they were sarcastic to one another instead and to make things worse, both of them friends and avoid each other. Due to that, their relationship become worse and they are actually experienced the conflict in negative way. Management strategy Control our emotional state. By controlling our emotion and differentiate which one is the right or wrong, we can work things out. In this situation, Shima should notice that she is in anger state and cant really think any solution of the problem. If she can handle her emotional well, she can save her friendship with Shika without hurting one another. Positive aspects In a relationship, we should know how to handle our interpersonal conflicts. Even though this interpersonal conflict is always stressful, its important to recognize that to examine the problem and work toward a potential solution. The positive aspects may well emerge from the encounter stronger, healthier, and more satisfying than before. In addition, it may also can stop resentment from increasing and let your needs be known. For the example, our partner needs lots of attention when she/he comes from work, but we need to review and get closure on the days work. If both of us can appreciate the legitimacy of these needs, then we can find solution if we know how to manage this kind of interpersonal conflict between both of us. In order to avoid this interpersonal conflict happen in our relationship, we should know how manage the conflicts. There are lots of ways to manage the interpersonal conflicts. In this situation, we should use

the goal to be achieved which is for long-term relationship. If we do not want our relationship end up with the conflict, we should fully analyze the cause of the problem and look for strategies that will enable both parties to win (Comments : fairly good answer but rather disorganized. To avoid answering question as in with the help of a relevant example, explain the principle of a conflict being either negative or positive, you should have explained the principle first (both positive and negative) ,then use an example to support the positive aspect. Finally relate to the question and state how such a knowledge can help parties concerned to minimize or avoid conflicts) 1. Conflict is influenced by culture and gender Influence by culture The types of interpersonal conflicts that tend to arise depend on the cultural orientation of the individuals involved. Collective cultures : such as Ecuador, Indonesia and Korea ,conflicts most often involve violations of larger group norms and values Individualistic cultures : such as in the United State, Canada, and western Europe , conflicts are more likely to occur when people violate expected norms for example, not defending a position in the face of disagreement (Ting-Toomey,1985) Japanese (collectivist culture), see conflict and resolution in terms of compromise U.S people (individualist culture) see conflicts in terms of winning (Gelfand, Nishii, Holcome, Dyer, Ohbuchi, & Fukuno, 2001)

Influence by gender : Difference between men and women . Men : men are more apt to withdraw from a conflict situation than a woman. Men become more psychologically and physiologically aroused during conflict and try to distance themselves and withdraw from the conflict to prevent further arousal. For men, withdrawal is an expression of power (Gottman & Carrere, 1994; Canary, Cupach & Messman,1995;Goleman, 1995a;Noller,1993) Women : want to engage and get close with the conflict; talk about it and resolve it. Girls are more easily offended by language than boys but boys tend to fight if offended by words used (Heasley, Babbit, & Burbach,1995a;1995b) Young girls use more prosocial strategies than boys ( Rose & Asher,1999) Women are more emotional and men are more logical when they argue (Schaap, Buunk, & Kerkstra, 1998; Canary, Cupach & Messman,1995) Women are defined as conflict feelers and men as conflict thinkers( Sorenon, Hawkins & Sorenson,1995) Women more likely to reveal their negative feelings than men (Schaap, Buunk, & Kerkstra, 1998; Canary, Cupach & Messman,1995) How to avoid conflicts? Aim for goals in your relationship Like friendship, why did you wanted to be his or her friend? Ask yourself to seek for solution. You will find that both parties need to give and take and not too emotional to solve the conflicts.

In families, if there is any argument between men and women (spouses) , in order to avoid conflict, think why did you need to solve the argument wisely? This is because we seek for long relationship, maybe for the sake of children Nurturing Your personality and communication competence This in order to have more confident and use a good communication skills in order to avoid further conflict. A wise communication could help to resolve the conflicts. (Comments : 1. The above answer on How to avoid conflicts is mostly irrelevant here because the focus of the 2nd principle is culture and gender, yet yr outline doesnt mention these 2 aspects at all! The above is more suitable for the 1st principle 2. You need to relate the above notes to the importance of understanding the cultural and gender biases of communicators, for eg. Men do a lot of report talk (being objective) but women love to do rapport talk ( being related to relationships). Therefore to reduce conflict, both parties must accommodate to the cultural and gender orientations of the opposite party. For eg. A man when talking to his girlfriend sh be more sensitive to her emotional needs and the woman concerned sh be more objective abt the conflict and not wrongly interprete the issues of argument. Nurture the personality to a calm person and to be someone who will handle every situation with calm and rational in order to avoid conflict. Relate to the question and again stress how impt it is to know abt such a principle that will help to solve conflicts. The above are good citations. You dont have to cite all. Just select one or two and relatethem to the ques. Eg. Knowing that men on the whole tend to get psychologically aroused during a conflict, the women concerned sh ensure that they do not attack the mens self concept. Focus instead on the conflicting issues. Use face enhancing strategies to win the guys over. I suggest that individually you all try to practice writing out the answer given exam time constraint.

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Ok Group 1, I think I have given sufficient guidance here. Due to time constraint, could you kindly check the rest of your outline plus your essay and amend if necessary. Sh you amend answers, pl label it as revisedanswer and send a copy to me. Pl do not send individually. Tell yr rep to compile revised answers. Pl ensure that everyone in both classes get to read my comments. Please do not get mixed up over Principles of Interpersonal Conflict and Principles of Communication.Sh you find it relevant to use some of the above content to answer a ques on the Principles of Communication, remember to orientate yr anwer to that ques. Can the group pl inform me as to whether you find such feedback useful, esp under time constraint. Thank You.

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2. Conflict styles have consequences

Competing: I win, you lose. Great concern for your own needs and desires and little for those of others. Youd be likely to be verbally aggressive and to blame the other person. Eg. When a father stops at the restaurant to eat, his children have to follow his decision whether they are going to eat there or not at all. Conflict management: Your personality and communication competence. We must try to voice out our opinion and at the same time, try not to be rude. Avoiding: I lose, you lose. Avoiding any real communication about the problem, change topics when the problem is brought up, and generally withdraw both psychologically and physically. Eg. A couple wants to spend their honeymoon in different places such as Paris and London but lastly the end up going honeymoon in Malaysia. Conflict management: Your personality and communication competence. We must try to voice out our opinion and at the same time, try not to be rude. Accommodating: I lose, you win. Your primary goal is to maintain harmony and peace in the relationship or group. It does little to meet your own needs, which are unlikely to go away. Sense, unfairness and inequality and may easily come to resent your partner and perhaps even yourself. Eg. A married couple wants to buy themselves a car but they have to choose to buy Proton or Perodua but finally, the husband wins and gets the car of his own choice. Conflict management: Your emotional state. You must control your emotion not to be too sad or too angry. Collaborating: I win, you win. Address both your own and the other person needs. Considered the ideal, takes time and a willingness to communicate. Eg: A couple are choosing restaurant of the same choice. Conflict management: The goals. Building a long term relationship and enable both parties to win. Compromising: I win and lose, you win and lose. There is some concern for your own needs and some concern for the other needs. Result in maintaining peace but there will be a residue of dissatisfaction over the losses that each side had to endure. Eg: Instead of going to spa or sauna, the money is used to buy the sauna machine at home. Conflict management: Your cognitive assessment of the situation. Attitudes and beliefs about what is fair.

Term used for this topic (Principles of Interpersonal Conflict) 1. Interpersonal conflicts: A conflict or disagreement between two person

2. Collectivist cultures: A culture that emphasizes the groups rather than the individuals goals; a culture that values, for example: tradition 3. Individualistic cultures: : A culture that emphasizes the individuals rather than the goals goals; a culture that values. 4. Competing: Great concern for your own needs and desires and little for those of others 5. Collaborating: 6. Accommodating: Your primary goal is to maintain harmony and peace in the relationship or group. 7. Avoiding: Avoiding any real communication about the problem, change topics when the problem is brought up, and generally withdraw both psychologically and physically. 8. Compromising: Concern for your own needs and some concern for the other needs.

Essay Answer According to DeVito in Essential of Human Communication, interpersonal conflict is a conflict or disagreement between two persons. The first principles that govern interpersonal conflicts are conflict can be positive or negative. If conflicts are positive, in a relationship, we should know how to handle our interpersonal conflicts. Even though this interpersonal conflict is always stressful, its important to recognize that to examine the problem and work toward a potential solution. The positive aspects may well emerge from the encounter stronger, healthier, and more satisfying than before. In addition, it may also can stop resentment from increasing and let your needs be known. For example, our partner needs lots of attention when she/he comes from work, but we need to review and get closure on the days work. If both of us can appreciate the legitimacy of these needs, then we can find solution if we know how to manage this kind of interpersonal conflict between both of us. In order to avoid this interpersonal conflict happen in our relationship, we should know how manage the conflicts. In this situation, we should use the goal to be achieved which is for long-term relationship. If we do not want our relationship end up with the conflict, we should fully analyze the cause of the problem and look for strategies that will enable both parties to win. In the negative aspect, conflicts lead to increases negative regard for the opponent because they involve unfair fighting method and focused largely on hurting the other person. Beside, conflicts also lead you to close yourselves off from the other people which prevent the communication taking place. Due to that, one or both parties will seek intimacy elsewhere cause further conflict, mutual hurt, and resentment. For example, Shima has misunderstood her best friend, Shika for lying her about her result. Instead of clarify the thing out, they have being sarcastic to one another and to make things worse, both of them go for another friends and avoid each other. Due to that, their relationship become worse and they are actually experienced the conflict in negative way. We should control our emotional state. By controlling our emotion and differentiate which one is the right or wrong, we can work things out. In this situation, Shima should notice that she is in anger state and cant really think any solution of the problem. If she can handle her emotional well, she can save her friendship with Shika without hurting one another. The second principle that governs interpersonal conflicts is conflict is influenced by culture and gender. The types of interpersonal conflicts that tend to arise depend on the cultural orientation of the individuals involved. This refers interpersonal conflicts that influenced by culture. Culture can be divided into two categories, the first one is collective cultures such as Ecuador, Indonesia and Korea, conflict most often involve violations of larger group norms and values. Japanese (collectivist culture), see conflict and resolution in terms of compromise.The second category is individualistic cultures such as in the United State, Canada, and western Europe , conflicts are more likely to occur when people violate expected norms for example, not defending a position in the face of disagreement (Ting-Toomey,1985). U.S people

(individualist culture) see conflicts in terms of winning (Gelfand, Nishii, Holcome, Dyer, Ohbuchi, & Fukuno, 2001). Interpersonal conflicts may be influenced by gender. It differentiates between men and women. Men are more apt to withdraw from a conflict situation than a woman. Men become more psychologically and physiologically aroused during conflict and try to distance themselves and withdraw from the conflict to prevent further arousal. For men, withdrawal is an expression of power (Gottman & Carrere, 1994; Canary, Cupach & Messman, 1995; Goleman, 1995a; Noller, 1993). For women, they want to engage and get close with the conflict; talk about it and resolve it. Girls are more easily offended by language than boys but boys tend to fight if offended by words used (Heasley, Babbit, & Burbach, 1995a; 1995b) Young girls use more prosocial strategies than boys (Rose & Asher, 1999). Women are more emotional and men are more logical when they argue (Schaap, Buunk, & Kerkstra, 1998; Canary, Cupach & Messman, 1995). Women are defined as conflict feelers and men as conflict thinkers ( Sorenon, Hawkins & Sorenson,1995) Women more likely to reveal their negative feelings than men (Schaap, Buunk, & Kerkstra, 1998; Canary, Cupach & Messman,1995). So, in order to avoid conflicts, we need nurturing your personality and communication competence. This is to have more confident and use a good communication skills in order to avoid further conflict. A wise communication could help to resolve the conflicts. Nurture the personality to a calm person and to be someone who will handle every situation with calm and rational in order to avoid conflict. The third principle that governs interpersonal relationship conflicts is conflict styles have consequences. There are divided into four types. The first one is competing. They use principle of I win, you lose. It shows great concern for your own needs and desires and little for those of others. Youd be likely to be verbally aggressive and to blame the other person. For example, when a father stops at the restaurant to eat, his children have to follow his decision whether they are going to eat there or not at all. So, your personality and communication competence. We must try to voice out our opinion and at the same time, try not to be rude. The second type is the avoiding type. They stick to I lose, you lose. In avoiding any real communication about the problem, change topics when the problem is brought up, and generally withdraw both psychologically and physically. For example, a couple wants to spend their honeymoon in different places such as Paris and London but lastly the end up going honeymoon in Malaysia. To solve this problem, your personality and communication competence. We must try to voice out our opinion and at the same time, try not to be rude. The third type is accommodating type. They always think I lose, you win. Your primary goal is to maintain harmony and peace in the relationship or group. It does little to meet your own needs, which are unlikely to go away. Sense, unfairness and inequality and may easily come to resent your partner and perhaps even yourself. For example, a married couple wants to buy themselves a car but they have to

choose to buy Proton or Perodua but finally, the husband wins and get the car of his own choice. So, your emotional state must control your emotion not to be too sad or too angry. The fourth type is the collaborating type. They I win, you win. Address both your own and the other person needs. Consider the ideals, takes time and a willingness to communicate. For example, a couple are choosing restaurant of the same choice. So, you need to know the goals. Build long term relationship and enable both parties to win. The fifth type is compromising type. They think I win and lose, you win and lose. There is some concern for your own needs and some concern for the other needs. Result in maintaining peace but there will be a residue of dissatisfaction over the losses that each side had to endure. Instead of going to spa or sauna, the money is used to buy the sauna machine at home. Your cognitive assessment of the situation. Attitudes and beliefs about what is fair.