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t.net PO Box K1020 Haymarket NSW 2000 Email: bdea@buddhanet.net Tel: +61-2-92123071 AUSTRALIA SEX AND THERAVADA BUDDHISM by Antony Woods email: antony272@hotmail.com 1st Edition 7th April 2000 Contents Introduction Love (metta) in the Theravadin teaching The three main antidotes to attraction to the opposite sex Sex and morality The stories of restraint of Ven Anuruddha and Ven Ananda Buddha's positive comments on love and marriage Conclusion *** Introduction As one of the primal drives of mankind, sex is treatment in the Buddha's teachings. Theravada extensive support is given to them through the (monk's rules). However, total abstention from by far the most difficult precept to keep(1). Love (metta) in the Theravadin teaching "Love, but not the sensuous fire that burns, scorches and tortures, that inflicts more wounds than it cures - flaring up now, at the next moment being extinguished, leaving behind more coldness and loneliness than was felt before.(2)" The three main antidotes against attraction to the opposite sex The first is, "Think of every female (male) that you encounter as either your mother, sister, or daughter (father, brother, son)(3). In fact if one accepts the theory of endless transmigration as literal truth, every other human being has been, at one time or another, such a relative.(4) The second antidote to sensual desire include the contemplation of the thirty-two parts of the body. The first five and visible parts are: hair of the head, hair of the body (pubic hair), nails, teeth and skin. given extensive monks are celibate, and sangha and the vinaya sex is considered to be *** ***

When considered in isolation, these body parts lose their attraction. This meditation helps to protect one's whole mental make-up emotionally, ethically, intellectually against the insidious influences of the media directed at the sex instinct(5) The third antidote is watchfulness. In Burma, for example, the monk is hidden behind a screen to prevent him from being captivated by anyone in his audience or vice versa.(6) Sex and morality "If we have no moral commitment, then our instincts can take control. For example, if we just follow sexual desire without any reference to morality, then we become caught up in all kinds of things that cause self-aversion. There is adultery, promiscuity and disease, and all the disruption and confusion that come from not reining in our instinctual nature through the limitations of morality." from "The Four Noble Truths" by Ajahn Sumedho(4NOBLETR.ZIP)" p68. Buddha's positive comments on love and marriage In Buddha's time there was the devoted couple known as "Nakulas parents" The father once declared to Buddha that ever since he had taken her as a child bride, he had not transgressed against his wife, even in thought - "My sole wish is to be united with her forever, in this world and the next." When Buddha heard the wife echo the same sentiments regarding her husband, he announced to his followers: "This husband and wife are indeed well-matched - well-matched in faith, well-matched in virtue, well-matched in generosity, well-matched in goodness, well-matched in wisdom. A perfect pair and a wonderful example of wedded bliss, surely they will be together for eternity, enjoying great felicity."(7) One of the Buddha's followers was blessed with a devoted wife who was good and virtuous as well as beautiful and charming. On a journey the couple was waylaid by bandits. The gang leader threatened to kill the husband and carry off the wife. The woman told the bandit chief defiantly, "If you kill my husband, I will kill myself on the spot." Seeing that there was no chance of getting their way, the bandits let the couple go. Buddha was told of the incident and said to the husband, "You are very fortunate to have such a good wife. She also saved my life in a previous incarnation. I was an elephant king and she was my mate. I was determined to destroy a monster crab that was terrorising our herd, but it caught my leg with one of its claws. All the other elephants fled in panic, and I was being pulled down into the river. 'Don't leave me!' I yelled out to my mate. 'I will never leave you, noble husband, the one I have adored for all these years,' she reassured me. She then tricked the crab into slightly loosening its grip and I was able to crush the monster." Buddha concluded, "With such a fine woman as your wife you are assured

of eternal happiness and joint attainment of enlightenment.(8)". (Note that enlightenment is normally considered to be a solitary attainment.) Ven Anuruddha's story of restraint There were monks who took their vows seriously. While on a journey, Anuruddha requested lodging at a rest-house in a certain village. The woman proprietess welcomed him, but soon after he was taken in a group arrived and also asked to be put up. The proprietess became enamored of the handsome monk and invited him to spend the night in her quarters on the pretense that the rest-house would be too crowded and noisy for him. Anuruddha consented, and the woman moved quickly to prepare the chamber. She set up a luxurious couch and dressed herself in her most alluring clothes and wore her sweetest perfume. When Anuruddha entered, she declared her love for him and added that they would make a perfect couple. She cast off her gown and paraded before the monk. But even when she slipped onto the couch next to him, Anuruddha admirably retained control of his faculties and successfully resisted the woman's considerable charms. Amazed at the monk's dignified self-control, the woman asked for forgiveness, listened keenly to the monk's Dhamma discourse through the rest of the night, and that morning took refuge in the Buddha's teaching. Word got out about the episode, and Anuruddha was, rather surprisingly, censured despite his noble behaviour and conversion of the woman - he had allowed himself to be alone with a woman in her sleeping quarters, and that is absolutely forbidden. Ven Ananda's story of restraint Few can reside in a state of true celibacy in both body and mind. Ananda, for instance, was Buddha's personal attendant for years. He became Buddha's follower primarily because of the Master's transcendence of sex: "When anyone becomes inflamed by sexual passion, his mind becomes disturbed and confused, he loses self-control, and he becomes reckless and crude. Besides, in sexual intercourse the blood becomes inflamed and adulterated with impure secretions. Naturally, from such a source there can never originate an aureole of such transcendently pure and golden brightness as I have seen emanating from the person of [Buddha.....and that is why I became] one of his true followers."(9) With that kind of example ever before him, we might expect Ananda to be the ideal celibate, but no - it was very rough going even for him. Ananda seems to have had a much more pleasant personality than many of the other lugubrious monks and was consequently a great favourite of the women in the community. It was Ananda who lobbied the Buddha for the establishment of the Order of Nuns. Women, including nuns, continually fell in love with Ananda (his name means "Beloved") and more than once he had to be rescued by miraculous intervention from the clutches of some adoring female(10) He did, however, stay the course, and he remains an inspiration for celibate Buddhists.(11) Conclusion Theravada Buddhism gives very thorough treatment of the issue of sex

and the monks are supported by strict rules regarding sexuality. Laypeople too are given advice to reduce sexual craving and Buddha gave a positive message to some marriages - that they could lead to the joint attainment of Nibbana/Nirvana. Notes 1) Tsomo, "Sakyadhita: Daughters of the Buddha", p298, Ithaca, N.Y, Snow Lion Publications, 1980. 2) Nyanaponika Thera, "The Four Sublime States", Buddhist Publication Society, PO Box 61, Kandy, Sri Lanka. 3) Rahula, Gotama's son, was given similar advice: "Regard all women as your mother - gracious, sweet, beautiful, and chaste (Jones, "Mahavastu", Vol.2 p254, London Pali Text Society, 1973) 4) Stevens, John, "Lust for Enlightenment - Buddhism and Sex" p45, Shambhala, 1990 5) Nyanaponika Thera, "The Heart of Buddhist Meditation"p66, Buddhist Publication Society, PO Box 61, Kandy, Sri Lanka. 6) Bechert and Grombrich p31 7) Woodward and Hare, "Gradual Sayings" Vol.2 pp69-70 8) Jataka 267 9) Goddard "A Buddhist Bible" p112, Boston, Beacon Press, 1966 10) Goddard "A Buddhist Bible" p110 11) Woodward and Hare, "Gradual Sayings", Vol.1 p148ff, London , Pali Text Society, 1973.