1st 10 pages of spec.

script (Unspecified)
A Telugu Crime Comedy Movie Set in USA
Written By Hari Bodduna
2/12/2012

EXT. INDIAN GROCERY STORE EVENING Stacks of crates piled up. The pile literally blocks the entrance to the store. Indian Customers find their way around to the entrance. As usual, typical Indian social etiquette, No one opens the door or holds the door for others. INDIAN GUY 1 enters the store and shuts the door behind him as An American woman enters. The door slams in her face. The AMERICAN WOMAN falls flat on her back. Her nose a little bloody. She is shocked. INDIAN GUY 2 walks toward her. INDIAN GUY 2 extends his hand to help her get up. As she extended her hand for support, He sees an Ad displaying a few tickets left for the PAWAN KALYAN MOVIE. He pulls back his hand and rushes in to get the last few tickets. The AMERICAN WOMAN dismayed. She shakes her head in shock.

AMERICAN WOMAN What do I expect?! INT. INDIAN GROCERY STORE EVENING CLERK, behind the counter. No smile on his face, looking down, not greeting customers, yakking on the phone in Gujurati. One hand on his groin, scratching. There is a line of 3 to 4 customers waiting for check out. CLERK, Still busy on the phone. Customers wait in line impatiently. Customers look at each other. CUSTOMER 1, in front drops his merchandise on the counter to get CLERKs attention. CLERK gestures his hand as wait a minute. CLERK is still on the phone. Finally, CLERK is off the phone.

CLERK Im sorry. I had to make that call. Is that it? No Chapattis today? We got FRESH made CHAPATTIS. They are tasty. I tried them. Try them. Just 10 dollaa pack. CUSTOMER 1 No. Not this time. CLERK Ok. May be next time. It will be 80 dollas total. Cash or credit caad? CUSTOMER 1 hands cash and takes change from the CLERK. CLERK TanQ! Come Again! Dont forget fresh chapattis next time! CUSTOMER 2 walks up to the counter. He places items on the counter. CLERK Hello. How are you doing? Long time no see. We got new Hindi DVDs. Shah Rukh Khans new movie DVD Available. Just 2 Dolla for 3 days rental or pipty dolla purchase, free no rent 3 days. Total is 40 dolla. Cash or Credit caad? CUSTOMER 2 Debit Card. CLERK makes a face suggesting hes sincerely sorry. CLERK Im sorry. 1 Dolla extra charge for debit caad. CUSTOMER 2, not happy, Hands cash. CLERK TanQ! Come Again! CUSTOMER 3 is on the phone with friends, speaking in Telugu loudly.

Customer 3 Mayya! Pawan Kalyan Movie, Mayya!!!

Total tickets book chesthunnanu. Dollars danda ready chey, photo ku veddam mayya!! CLERK looks at him. Understands Pawan Kalyan Movie, Total tickets book. CLERK makes a happy face, shakes head happily. Customer 3 Howu muchu is da ticketu? Howu many ticketsu do you havu? CLERK Ten dolla per tickit. Pipteen Tickits. CUSTOMER 3 Givu themu aallu. CLERK OK CLERK runs to the sign and takes it down. Other customers look at him puzzled. CLERK Sorry Sign up! No Tickits! Customers complain false advatizement! CLERK looks up at the CUSTOMER 3. CUSTOMER 3 nods his head as a sign of agreement.

CLERK Total is 180 dolla. Cash or credit caad? CUSTOMER 3 Credi Cardu!

CLERK takes credit card from CUSTOMER 3 and swipes through a machine. The machine does not take it first time. CLERK taps it couple times. CLERK It should take it this time. CLERK swipes the card again. It goes through this time. But Machine runs out of paper. CLERK My colleague didnt change printa papa Give me a minute! Ok? CLERK Changes printer paper. Machine prints a receipt. CLERK hands receipt to CUSTOMER 3 to sign. CLERK keeps one copy and hands another to CUSTOMER 3. CLERK TanQ! Come Again! CLERK hears a customer ask CUSTOMER 4 (O.S) Where are those Aloo parathas? CLERK does not look up. CLERK Which one? One with naked picture on it? CUSTOMER 4 (O.S) Yes. That one. Those are the tasty ones!

CLERK We hid them in the back so families do not complain. CUSTOMER 3(O.S) Mayya! Anni ticketsu konnanra! Mana friendsku cheppara. One ticketu 30 dollarsu ani.

CLERK shakes his head in disbelief. CLERK hears another question for Aloo Samosas. CLERK We ran out. Get those big ones. Give you a dolla discount. CUSTOMER 4 (V.O) Those are expired! CLERK looks in CUSTOMERS direction. CLERK Expired by JUST a WEEK. I give it for HALF the PRICE. CUSTOMER 4 (V.O) Okay! Deal! CLERK rings up CUSTOMER 4. CUSTOMER 4 leaves the store. CLERK gets out his phone and dials a number. PHONE rings. A soft spoken NURSE answers the phone. NURSE (V.O) Dr. Patels office. How may I help you? CLERK This is --- ---. I would like doctor to call in my pee medicine. My pee medicine ran out. NURSE (V.O) You mean! your AVODART? CLERK Is it my PEE Medicine?

NURSE (V.O) Uh Uh yes, Mr. ----. Its your PEE medicine. CLERK

Ok. I need that. I dont have one for tonight. Also can you call in my fun medicine too? NURSE (V.O) You mean! Viagra? CLERK Yes! Yes! My wife said, dont come home without that. I dont want to make her mad either. Its not gonna be good. You know! NURSE giggles. NURSE (V.O) Alright Mr. Macho man. I call them in. CLERK TanQ! Verry much! CLERK hangs up the phone. CLERK hums old Kishore Kumar Song, calls his wife. PHONE rings. CLERK makes happy face, still humming song. CLERK Kem cho? Ordered medicine. Close the store in 30 minits. on my way home, get the medicine. Want some sweets? No sweets! Okay. Jai RamJi Ki. As he hangs up the phone. A ROBBER bursts in. Points handgun at the CLERK. ROBBER Open the drawer. Gimme the cash. CLERK Dont shoot, dont shoot. Take whatever you want. ROBBER You fucking Indian, Open the drawer.

If you dont, shoot you in the face. CLERK I got keys down there in the bottom shelf. ROBBER Then, getm slowly. No sudden moves. CLERK bends down to get keys and sees shotgun. He slowly grabs shotgun. Aims at the robber from a hole inside the counter desk. CLERK pulls the trigger. ROBBER falls to the ground. Blood sprays all over. CLERK stands up hurriedly. CLERK (AGITATED, YELLING) You fucking bastard. You think you can rob me. I am an Indian and a GUJARATI. You wanted to ruin my evening fun? You cant kill me. I wanna die making love to my wife, not in your hands Mofo. CLERK Calls 911(cops). Phone rings CLERK Hello a guy tried to rob my store. I shot and killed him. Send an EMS please. Robbers not breathing. Hes fucking dead. This is my location address.----- ----CLERK hangs up the phone and makes another a phone call. Phone rings CLERK Honey, Ill be a bit late. I shot a robber. Waiting for cops. Yeah. Yeah.. I am alright. Im gonna call our partner too. I think we have to postpone our funtime. We talk about that when I get home. CLERK makes another phone call. Phone rings

CLERK Hey partner, how are you? I got a situation at the store. A guy tried to rob the store. I shot him. Hes dead. Im alright. TanQ you for asking! I called 911. Yeah, everything is taken care of. I leave when EMS removes the body. No. No You dont need to come. I got it under control. Alright talk to you later. CLERK hangs up the phone. CLERK looks out the glass door. Onlookers look in through the glass door. EMS Pulls into a parking lot. Police car pulls in behind EMS.

EXT. BRAMHANANDAMS HOUSE MORNING Dressed up in a biker gear. Leather jacket, Head band. Tattoos on arms. He cranks up his Harley Davidson bike. Its a weekend. BRAMHANANDAM on his way to a casino. He gets a phone call. Phone rings He turns off the engine. BRAMHANANDAM Damn Always happens when Im ready to go out. He looks at the number and smiles. BRAMHANANDAM Yo, my casino I just talkin man! Whats goin on? On my way, to a baby. You got that right! I love casinos. wanna play some pokER you know. Good to you man. Take care.

BRAMHANANDAM disconnects phone and locks it up in waistband case. He cranks up his bike and heads out the front-yard.

EXT.HIGHWAY NOON

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Bramhanandam drives down the highway with sunglasses on. He runs into a gang of Indian American Youngsters in a car. Bramhanandam nods his head as an acknowledgement. Youngsters yell, Beer bottles in their hands. YOUNGSTERS Hey, shorty! You need a kids bike. Not big boys bike like that. BRAMHANANDAM Oh Yeah? BRAMHANANDAM takes grenade like object out of his pocket. He pulls out the trigger with his mouth. He throws it to one of the youngsters. BRAMHANANDAM Catch it. One of the YOUNGSTERS catches it. YOUNGSTERS What is it? BRAMHANANDAM Its a grenade! YOUNGSTERS Throw it away. Throw it away you moron! Youngster throws away the grenade. Youngsters cover their ears with hands. A few seconds pass by. No blast. Youngsters look at each other. Surprised!! Bramhanandam looks at them sarcastically, BRAMHANANDAM Kids! YOUNGSTERS You fucking retard! You almost killed us! Bramhanandam looks at them and shakes his head. He takes out Actress Anushka picture, kisses it and drives away.

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EXT.CASINO TWO HOURS LATER Bramhanandam pulls into a parking lot, parks his bike and walks into a casino. Youngsters pull behind him into a parking lot and one after another walk into the casino.

INT.APARTMENT LIVING ROOM NIGHT HERO, an OCD, in his late 20s, on the phone, pacing in a living room.

HERO Yes mom. I understand that But, you know Pelli avatledani, pujalu chesthey pelli avuthunda amma? Ala ayyithey, Naaku Heroine Aishwarya roy tho pelli kaavaalani puja chestha. Avuthunda? (A few seconds silence) Heroine Aishwarya kaadu kaani, colors swathi la vunte pareledha. (A few seconds silence), Oh Nitya Menon la vunte baaguntunda. Balega cheppav amma. Thanu malayali, malli pogaru yekkuva ani vinnanu. Kudaradamma kastham. Alagey Amma, Meeku ammayi aithe chaalu kada, Oh chilaka gorinka la vundaala memu. Kashtamamma,computer and internet la vunte neeku okay kada. Okay amma, online profiles kooda try chesthale. Okay. Next week phone chesthanamma.

Hero disconnects cell phone and turns on a TV. He lies down in a sofa. A few minutes later, he gets a call and looks at the number unenthusiastically. He answers the phone. HERO Hello Yes! Whats up!! Are you asking me? Whether or not, I go to TANA Mahasabhalu? Of course I do. I love it. But, the boring part is

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speeches. Its like, Love making session with a prostitute in reverse. Why dont they just get on with fun part? He watches TV in between the conversation. He reaches into a Doritos bag, grabs a couple and puts them in mouth. A few seconds later HERO These nacho cheese Doritos are great. I always liked chili ones but these are fucking great. (Munching Doritos) Alright man Good night. Hero switches off his cell phone and grabs some more chips and stuffs his mouth, grabs sanitizer and rubs sanitizer on hands, back to watching TV.

INT.IT COMPANY WORKPLACE MORNING Hero checks out online matrimony profiles. He goes through a few profiles. He finds none interesting. Hes a little disappointed. Hero minimizes the matrimonial screen and goes back to work screen. A Young woman approaches his cubicle. YOUNG WOMAN Any luck with profiles? Hero raises his head and looks at her and nods head as NO. HERO Not yet. Man One girl wants 6 feet tall groom and another wants well-mannered, understanding groom. Understanding groom, are you kidding me? Women are a mystery. Hormones control women. Men havent mastered how to deal with hormones yet.

Young woman

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Speaking of hormones, the same hormones help you to be with a woman. So its a love hate relationship. Youd better get used to it. HERO I understand that. I love good hormones but not the bad ones. YOUNG WOMAN Its a bundle. Its a total package my friend. Good hormones make you happy and the bad ones make you miserable. And... Young woman points a finger at Hero HERO And how I handle the bad ones determines my path to pearly gates of womans heart and happiness! Young woman points fingers at Hero as making a point. Young Woman Bingo!! Youre a quick learner! HERO Thank you Professor. YOUNG WOMAN You welcome kid! Young woman leans forward to whisper. YOUNG WOMAN You know, why women love dogs? ...And cats? Hero shakes his head as he doesnt know. YOUNG WOMAN Cause Dogs dont talk, just sit there and lick faces and show unconditional love, you should learn that trick. HERO You mean I should sit there and lick face too! YOUNG WOMAN Yuck man, thats gross, Do what man has to do. HERO

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Like what? YOUNG WOMAN Like, I dont know, may be, get used to bitching. HERO You mean, keep my mouth shut, open my ears and dont complain? YOUNG WOMAN Exactly!! Einstein. Alright Im done bitching now. Lemme go back to work. HERO Thanks a lot. YOUNG WOMAN For advice or for leaving you alone? HERO For both YOUNG WOMAN Whatever... Young woman walks away, rolling her eyes. Hero smiles at her and goes back to work. A message window pops up on the screen. Hero reads it. HERO A meeting at 11, today! Oh Crap! Project deadline comes up at the meeting; I need some progress on my work. I got about an hour. Hero looks at the screen and starts typing. A middle aged man stops by Hero MIDDLE AGED MAN Did you get the message? Another meeting! I cant believe it, I hate it. HERO Because, they caught you napping at last meeting. MIDDLE AGED MAN No. I love meetings but that day I could not keep my eyes open. HERO

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Why? You had better things to do the night before? Middle aged man leans forward to whisper. MIDDLE AGED MAN I got lucky the night before. I met a girl at a bar. She showed an interest. She wanted to make love to me. HERO A 50 year old girl?! MIDDLE AGED MAN Nope, A 20 something girl. Man, She was awesome. You should hang out with me, I hook you up. HERO No, thank you. I dont want to get STDs. MIDDLE AGED MAN This is not India, she is clean, I think!! HERO I read an article a couple of weeks ago. A young woman contracted HIV through promiscuous sex, She is on a mission to spread HIV to as men as possible as a revenge, youd better get some tests done on yourself. MIDDLE AGED MAN You kidding me, right? Hero makes a serious face and gestures the Middle Aged to come close. Middle Aged Man leans forward close to Hero HERO Im serious. Get some test done. Hero hears someone walking toward them. Middle Aged Man and Hero look up to notice the Young Woman. The Young Woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN Are you guys coming to the meeting? HERO & MIDDLE AGED MAN Yes. Lets go Young woman stands aside; Hero and Middle Aged Man turn and walk in front. Young Woman follows them. Young Woman pulls

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Heros shirt from behind. Hero slows down and turns his head to see her, Middle Aged man walks alone in front. Young Woman signals him to walk along with her. Hero waits few seconds and walks along with her. She whispers in his ears. Young Woman Why are you hanging out with him? Hes not a good person. I dont like him. HERO (Whispering) Do I need your permission? Young Woman tweaks him. He screams silently. Young Woman I heard a lot about him. Hes going to get STDs one of these days. HERO What? YOUNG WOMAN STDs! You dont know STDs?! HERO Not friends with them. Young Woman gives a cynical stare. HERO STD, you mean a long distance call? YOUNG WOMAN STD means long distance call and ISD means international call. I know that. HERO Then, what are you talking about? YOUNG WOMAN This STD is different. You get it from sleeping with prostitutes or promiscuous sex. HERO Scary!! Young Woman nods her head as yes. Hero raises his brows, Young Woman nods again as double yes.

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YOUNG WOMAN Dont sit with him, sit right next to me. HERO Are you my mommy to protect me? YOUNG WOMAN No, but I think you are gullible. Hero stares at her as she looks away. Hero leans toward her and whispers. HERO What if Im a bad person too? YOUNG WOMAN Then, you get STDs too and most importantly I avoid you. HERO Oh! You avoid me! that, dont I?! You should. The young Woman and Hero enter a meeting hall. Seats are almost filled; Hero and Young Woman sit next to each other. Young Woman notices Hero sitting next her and feels happy. And... I should worry about

YOUNG WOMAN

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