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HELP WANTED

AN EXHIBITION ON CRAIGSLIST.ORG

MARCH 09, 2004

-- MARCH 29, 2004

LG WILLIAMS
Editors: Dr Gina Dorr, Ph.D, Tulane University Charles Linder, MFA, Linc Real Art & The San Francisco Art Institute

PUBLISHED WITH THE FULL CONSENT OF THE ESTATE OF LG WILLIAMS


AD HOC ADVISORY COMMITTEE (UNITED STATES) Dr. Sandra Jean Carley, Ed.D. Grizz Carley, Perfect Corner & Corrales Art and Archery Charlie Colin Catherine Conlin, Wiggy Flowers Dr Gina Dorr, Ph.D, Tulane University David Hollowell, University of California, Davis Charles Linder, MFA, Linc Real Art & The San Francisco Art Institute Richard Reisman, Esq. Colleen Ringrose, MFA, Cape Fear Community College AD HOC ADVISORY COMMITTEE (VANCOUVER, CANADA) Heidi Dunstheimer, RN Denise Dunstheimer, Ecole Franaise Internationale de Vancouver AD HOC ADVISORY COMMITTEE (HONOLULU) Cathleen Dagher, State of Hawaii Randy Iverson, The Hawaiian Monarch Lawrence Graham Williams III, Chaminade University; University of Hawaii, Manoa AD HOC ADVISORY COMMITTEE (PARIS, FRANCE) Aude de Bourbon

Copyright 2004 LG Williams and The Estate of LG Williams Published by PCP Press, Berkeley, CA. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Publication of this book has been aided by a grant From The American Institute for Artistic Genius Publication Reserve Fund. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Help Wanted, An Exhibition On Craigslist.org (PCP Library of Art Series) Bibliography: p. Does not include index. 1. Help Wanted Art Exhibition 2. Contemporary Art 3. LG Williams 4. Title: Help Wanted 5. Series. BQ34958098029LSKJLK3 2004 4343.434 ISBN: TBA ISBN: TBA This book was designed by l g o f b e v e r l y h I l l s , Beverly Hills, CA Published in Guam by PCP Press. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 EDITORS DISCLAIMER: The commentary represented herein do represent the views of the editors. All responders names have been changed. No punctuation or grammatical changes were made. We cant believe you are reading this BS. Close the book and go surfing.

This book is dedicated to the late Wally Bill Hedrick 1928-2003

CONTENTS
I. Help Wanted: Exhibition Dates and Location Summary

II.

Help Wanted: The Artworks

III.

Help Wanted: Critical Commentary

EXHIBITION DATES AND LOCATION SUMMARY

Artist / Fix-It-Man
Location
New York, NY

Exhibition Dates
TUES 9 Mar 19:17:35

URL Information
http://newyork.craigslist.org/med/26056812.html

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * *

Los Angeles, CA

Wed, 10 Mar 12:06 PST

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/med/26144742.html

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * *

Los Angeles, CA

2004-03-11, 2:53PM EST

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/med/26224379.html

New York, NY

12 Mar 2004 19:07:54

http://newyork.craigslist.org/med/26305106.htm

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * *

New York, NY

12 Mar 2004 23:54:07 15 Mar 2004 19:44:19

http://newyork.craigslist.org/med/26332349.html http://boston.craigslist.org/med/26515678.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26515678/25/wnwyz

Boston, MA

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * *


17 Mar 2004 22:54:30

Seattle / Tacoma MA

http://seattle.craigslist.org/med/26706207.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26706207/25/tgfn7 http://sandiego.craigslist.org/med/26864227.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26864227/25/i4u9z

San Diego, CA

19 Mar 2004 21:34:26

Portland, OR

23 Mar 2004 -- 29 Mar 2004

Painter (Fine Artist) / Gambler


Location
New York, NY

Exhibition Dates
2004-03-11, 2:41PM EST

URL Information
http://newyork.craigslist.org/med/26226145.html

Los Angeles, CA

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED: 12 Mar 2004 14:15:14 * * * * *

Los Angeles, CA

12 Mar 2004 19:07

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/med/26304534.html

Los Angeles, CA

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/med/26332677.html

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED: 14 Mar 2004 05:06:42 * * * * * 15 Mar 2004 http://london.craigslist.org/med/26515114.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26515114/25/f7g8q http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/med/26706479.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26706479/25/pzric http://boston.craigslist.org/med/26863721.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26863721/25/26t8r

London, UK

Washington, DC

17 Mar 2004 22:54:30

Boston, MA

19 Mar 2004 21:34:26

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * * 22 Mar 2004 00:50:04 http://boston.craigslist.org/med/26993291.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26993291/25/v89rm

Boston, MA

Seattle, WA

23 Mar 2004 -- 29 Mar 2004

Commercial Artist / Artist / Director


Location
New York, NY

Exhibition Dates
TUES-03-09, 8:38PM EST

URL Information
http://newyork.craigslist.org/med/26091219.html

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * * TUES-03-09, 9:46PM EST To self-delete: Wed, 10 Mar 18:08 EST http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/med/26094951.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26094951/25/67uzq http://newyork.craigslist.org/med/26162741.html

Pittsburgh, PA

New York, NY

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * *

New York, NY 2004-03-11, 2:36PM EST http://newyork.craigslist.org/med/26225648.html

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED: 13 Mar 2004 00:02:49 * * * * * 13 Mar 2004 17:35:49 http://losangeles.craigslist.org/med/26337467. http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26337467/25/br4zu

Los Angeles, CA

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * * 15 Mar 2004 18:34:27 http://vancouver.craigslist.org/med/26512521.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26512521/25/5gdwz http://sacramento.craigslist.org/med/26707194. http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26707194/25/jtfff

Vancouver, BC

Sacramento, CA

17 Mar 2004 22:54:30

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * * 19 Mar 2004 21:34:26 http://dallas.craigslist.org/med/26865235.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26865235/25/erqnu

Dallas, TX

Boston, MA

23 Mar 2004 -- 29 Mar 2004

Artist / Art Consultant / Art Historian


Location
Los Angeles, CA

Exhibition Dates
Wed, 10 Mar 13:13 EST

URL Information
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/med/26138034.html

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * *

Los Angeles, CA 2004-03-11, 11:28AM PST http://losangeles.craigslist.org/med/26224953.html New York, NY 12 Mar 2004 23:16:30 http://newyork.craigslist.org/med/26328691.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26328691/25/65a32

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * * 15 Mar 2004 18:34:27 http://chicago.craigslist.org/med/26511636.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26511636/25/sisc7

Chicago, IL

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * *

Phoenix, AZ 19 Mar 2004 21:34:26

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/med/26707553.html http://portland.craigslist.org/med/26865582.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26865582/25/q36da

Portland, OR

New York, NY

23 Mar 2004 -- 29 Mar 2004

Designer / Artist / Printmaker


Location
New York, NY

Exhibition Dates
2004-03-11, 2:53PM EST

URL Information
http://newyork.craigslist.org/med/26227351.html

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * * 11 Mar 2004 20:25:43 http://newyork.craigslist.org/med/26227351.html

New York, NY

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * *

New York, NY

12 Mar 2004 19:07:54 15 Mar 2004 19:44:19

http://newyork.craigslist.org/med/26304128.html http://seattle.craigslist.org/med/26516245.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26516245/25/ff2dn

Seattle / Tacoma

* * * * * POST CENSORED AND DELETED * * * * * 17 Mar 2004 22:54:31 http://miami.craigslist.org/med/26708003.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26708003/25/igyz2 http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/med/26866107.html http://www.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/rjp/26866107/25/yitnk

Miami, FL

Minneapolis / St Paul

19 Mar 2004 22:18:19

Los Angeles

23 Mar 2004 -- 29 Mar 2004

THE ARTWORKS

CRITICAL COMMENTARY

To Whom it may Concern: My aunt and uncle have an exquisite villa in Tuscany that is available 9 months each year, I am trained in fine arts and interior design and am an astute judge of circumstance and character. I fit your requirements and qualifications to a tee and I am an exquisite hostess and fabulous company. Let me know if you would like to know more. Morgan

Ah, if only you were advertising in San Francisco! Julia

hello, Why do you tease me so! I am going to make an assumption that this job opportunity was penned by the same person who had a job offering on craigslists not too long ago- in which a person or persons were seeking an artist who was willing to work and reside in a hovel with intermittent heat and water ? If this is not the same party- I apologize! It seems not fair that an opportunity which sounds so much like a fantastic adventure & creative endeavor - Also sounds a bit like a surrealistic dream place event - with the outcome being the artists awakening to a screeching alarm by the bed as it rudely announces the dawn - scaring the occupant so that they fling themselves to the cold floor below. Much too early for a true artist to rise - & much too early for the gamblers dream position to evaporate - as so many dreams do.. If there is such a gamble to be had- I would appreciate more information on it- if there is not.. Then again - I implore ! Stop teasing / enticing me with ramble of a position which does not exist!... Melody

Hello- Is this for real? If so, is the position still open? Cheers CAroline

Does this position include materials and booze Sandy

Hi. GREAT AD! Jon

Greetings, I shivered really when I read your ad. I fear you have wrote my autobiography and I am not yet 30, though close. It is fearsome to think of my untypical self being typecast, and so unsual to think my passion would be a desireable trait somewhere.. I ought to scan images before going much further. I dont know if I can write as adeptly as you have already. Hopefully my work will speak for itself. But I will mention I am desperate to leave this oppressive and stifling place where the government ignores the people so readily and the people look for reality on tv. and life passes. Daily I feel punished for demanding truth or meaning. Every day is a different world occasionally, or morelike, every layer removed howls of its own forgotten drama, the new beneath so fleeting.. Hopefully we can at least continue this intriguing exchange. I must see what you do besides write. Thanks for bringing your ad into my life.. Megan

i think you have just described me though rembrandt and van gogh have kissed me state in blood in blood, i wouldnt simply do the european tradition but given villa, wine and fluent cash, i could flesh out horrors and beauties you might not be at all aversed to. Jos

we are english and american living in san francisco, close to this anyway. we will be in london in a few weeks. could I have your permission to reprint this in my conceptual printing project? my project is a not for any hope of profit project. credit would be yours. he is a painter and I am the muse, model, artist and mother of love child. we forwarded your posting to some friends in london. you are accurate and clever. velasquez is the best. XZ

Oh GOD pick me! I dont care if the position advertised is real, but Im pretty sure I love you and want to be near you. Amani

Is this your art? I wonder about the sincerity of the advertised positions, Kevin

please consider my qualifications, i can certainly bring home the Bacon. Michael

wow, youre clever. but some people are actually on here looking for some work, so maybe theres a better place for you to be clever. thank you, Joe

Terror is indeed energising; but in directing one to the forces of good. DH

This is a total joke, right? If not, how demeaning can you get?? D

this sounds freaky Lindsay

stop wasting peoples time with your stupid, idiotic ad. Alison

what would make you post this? just to see who would respond and how? how many fools you can take in? ...or to attract like minded people? Rachael

So, you want me to bend over in a Hemingway-esque fashion while I take it from the rear, for little money no less, anything else I can do for you, or should I just start grunting? J

FUCK YOU, ASSOHOLES! Alexander

Is this for real? What artist does not meet these requirements? If nothing else, I very much enjoyed reading this ad. theresa

I hope to do something for you. Dai Yu

I gotta know, what sad, weird, sturm-und-drangish breakup story is behind these little faux ads? Alternately, what drugs are you on, and where can I find them to be sure I avoid the place? The plaster production idea sounds interesting, though. And Wittgenstein is always good for a laugh and a think. Cheers, U.

Gee you really want a lot for $5/hr. Try reading Dickens, Oliver Twist. There are some people in it like you Dick

Get to the brass tacks. what do you really want. there is no doubt as to what can be offered. you are walled up behind syntax and hyper inflated ego. get to it or stop wasting my time. -the answer Alex

I am an artist and your writing skills suck. What the fuck do you want to see from me to prove I can paint better than you can write? The Artist

Your one fucked up person Ati

Your ad has got to be the hands down winner of the prestigious Pompus Bullshit Award. Alfred

if only there were some way you could legally pay me less... but what am i saying, Im responding via email rather than smoke signals or, better yet, a wry knowing leer. let me know asap Brett

Wow. This must be my dream job. If youre not joking, that is. How did you know so much about me without even meeting me. Who wouldnt want to work for next to nothing with so much responsibility for such a noble purpose (It is noble, right?). I must warn you, on top of everything you already know about me, there is a caveat....I am a TRIPLE Gemini! Sun, Moon and Rising signs....All of them. I hope that doesnt influence your decision. Actually Im not certain I want to work for you anyway, but you already knew that, didnt you. Perhaps if you could let me know exactly what type of job this actually is, I would have a clearer understanding of how much I dont want to do it. In closing, I am confident that my personal and professional Qualifications render me a viable candidate for your position. I Remain, Lewis

There are many great artists that find college to be as restraining as your ad. Good luck finding this individual that you will be able to control. Wal-mart has found millions so you guys should be able to find one. Toodle Loo liz

stop smoking crack! its bad for your reality! just be honest and say your looking for a jackass who can work for your crack habit. prediction: someones gonna end it all for you! Turd ps comedy is not your strong suite. stick to jerking yourself off with manicured fingernails loser.

Whats up with these jobs you keep advertising? Who are you? Are you really looking for artists for anything legitimate? If so, when can I start? -Jess

After you find your painter/gambler, if they need an assistant, let me know. Rachel

could you settle for a woman? stephanie

haha. very funny. i liked your advertisement on craigslist. im julia.

This is the most insanely beautiful posting I have seen to this point. If it was indeed real I would think I must be dreaming. All except for the bilingual aspect, you must forgive me I grew up in the states. Does it count if you can say hello and goodbye in multiple languages? And adore travel and worldly affairs. Alas at this point I have nothing to show you but sculpture and clothing... But there was a time where murals and canvas where an intense desire, these feelings and talents would be easily accessible with a few dips of paint and strokes of a brush.. I am a fabulous walking contradiction.... Which does nothing more than allow me to truly travel and converse in every circle, not a bad way to live ones life in my opinion. I embrace luxury and aesthetic beauty as well as the normalcy and bleakness of reality.... I feel and understand cruelty.... This is what makes my art intense and moving, we all connect with pain..... But let this not dismiss the importance of joy and happiness. I felt the impulse to respond so I did. Sincerely, Maria

Greetings, I simply had to respond to this creatively written scripture of emanating wisdom. When I read it I nearly travelled forward in time to my life about 20 years from now. I have everything but the hate for illustration (give it time) and the vast knowledge of previous artists, mostly because Im too intertwined with my own existance right now. Im taking on my own huge endeavors, should they fail, I guess Ill be facing the wrath of fallen risks and lost chances, therefore I will be akin to suffering and will have to turn to fine arts for theraputic value. Im not the person to fill this position; and hope my life path will exceed beyond ever having to be in this position; but I had to tell you how intrigued I was by your posting, its these little things I run into that inspire me. Please write any time ;-) -SS

I dont have anything better to do. Chris

Arent we all? Mellissa

That was one of the most vague requests for an artist Ive ever read. Would you mind posting again in the Reader Digest Version??? -after youve had a day or two away from the rich marijuana growers? Thanks! Deb

And? Rob

who are you? and what did you have for breakfast? Jason

wow what a job! i think i alreay have that job! Felix

Fuck you. Fuckn A. Fuck yeah... Dan

hmmm... interesting. im 5' 10 120 and i paint when ive got the materials. Michael

Hey!!?, You are describing me, but I am taken with my own job on high;( self employed / motivated... Can I be so bold as to ask if you are for real? Or just a normal company that owns a wordsmith that has studied the thought and then compiled a verbose statement that strikes a chord. If you are real, I wish you all the best in your endeavors, and please put me on your mailing list for what you are doing will most likely succeed. If you are fake... well you most likely know what to do. Thank you, Van

This is the funniest job description ive ever read. Who are you? Susan

I thought your ad was very funny. I cant paint very well, however. Q.X.

To Whomever Aside from lacking a few of the qualifications (I cant paint or draw and i wont eat kraft mac n cheese, preferring other media and living well beyond my means) this posting seems like a mockery. The posting was so creepy and/or funny that i just have to know more about your organization or motive. I am, Yours, Etc., Some Fella

oh you make me laugh!!!!!!!!!! Keep em coming! Rock on Pete

what the fuck? is this a joke? Harvey

If you are hiring muses, I would love to join you on this fantastic hedonistic journey... Kristen

GREAT AD!!! I love it! I am a painter and soon to be graduate with a degree in Digital Media as well as Fine Arts. I would love to contact anyone with more information. Thank you. Erin

Hi, Let me be your Artist/FixItMan...please! Thanks, Kindman

Hi, Let me be your Artist/FixItMan...please! Thanks, kris

im all in. email me back. mitch.

Who We? Lenny

To whom this may concern, Several acquaintances that have read your ad tell me that I am the person that you are seeking. I dont quite fill all of the exact requirements, nor would I pretend to you that I do. I couldnt draw stick men adeptly if my life depended on it, ( I would try though if only for survivals sake) but my wife is a talented painter and would do my bidding in regard to producing works of art. No self respecting artist would allow others to watch him or her work so when a piece is required I would withdraw to the solitude of my studio to complete it. I have an in depth knowledge of art history, can talk about all the names, schools, techniques, materials, etc., etc., etc., and at present CO-own a web based fine art brokerage. Gambling is not a problem for me for I am quite comfortable around the tables, handy with a pool cue, and spent several years in bluegrass country where I developed a fondness for the ponies and friendships with many breeders and trainers. I had the insight to wage a tidy sum at the Estoril casino on Holyfield over Tyson in their first bout. I could easily stock the villa, I know where there are some fine ones to be had for a bargain, and invite the right people to live there. My background is as a chef. Ive worked all around the country, Belize, the Virgin Islands, Germany, Holland, Sweden, Greece and Tunisia. I can get off the plane at any airport and by nightfall have someone buying me drinks. I can tend bar like

a pro, know my way around the wine cellar. I know the best shops in London and Milan for handmade shoes and can be as comfortable in my tux as in old clothes while I am pulling in the nets on my Greek friends fishing boat. Sorry no asthma, but I have been comfortable being a loner. I have had over one hundred address changes and I can tell most people that I meet something about where they are from. I have no formal education but I will be teaching a course this fall at a major university on the evolution of gastronomy in America. I know my furniture design, I used to live near the Tecta factory in Germany and dated one of their designers. As a matter of fact, could I interest you in a 1780 Chippendale slant front desk that I am brokering at the moment? I usually sleep no more than 3 or 4 hours a night unless heavy partying is involved and I would want 6. I have the energy to work 100 hour weeks for extended periods. Close friends hear from me once a year. I do get energized by the immanence of disaster. I moved to Belize with a one way ticket and $100.00, I moved to Europe under the same circumstances after giving a Porsche that I owed a considerable sum on to an 18 year old girl. I know both luxury and seediness, I lived by the red light district in Amsterdam for 2 years and was on a first name basis with many of the ladies. In Greece my boss was the former husband of Sarah Churchill and I got to know the real money crowd. In my opinion my analytical skills are superb and I wont tolerate anyone denying that fact. I do

have quite unusual insights, and rely upon them, for I am not necessarily a handsome man but have always managed to attract beautiful women with my wit, charm and philosophic mind. I know the Mediterranean from Gibraltar to the Turkish coast, from the grand hotels to the seediest watering holes. I have to admit that my French isnt quite up to snuff, mostly culinary, but I can order food, drink and find my way around uttering everyday niceties when needed. I speak German, basic Greek, culinary Spanish and Dutch, and can tell a taxi driver to have intercourse with his mother in Arabic. I have a great visual memory for people, places and even little things like the Brettagne oysters in the summer of 1991 (I can still taste them). I have social skills of the highest level but can assume a demeanor of proletarianism when required. Cant do heroin chic, its too trendy. When it comes to hipness Im more Blixa Bargeld than Nick Cave. I have mixed with, and I am comfortable with, all levels of society. I have even carried money from Switzerland to Holland for Colombians of questionable background. Marriage destruction is a byproduct and not a goal. One should let the cards fall where they may. Some people live beyond their means and some people live beyond other peoples means. Some gifted individuals such as myself have managed to do both. My memory, senses and appreciation of life are highly Proustian and I have a

love of photography. I was at the Mapplethorpe show in Cincinnati when the vice squad shut it down. I have keen awareness of aesthetics and I am offended by those who dont. Screw the trendy, Brioni suits will always be fashionable. So there it is. I am not exactly what you are looking for but I doubt that you will find anyone that can do what you require and pull it off as well as me. Please let me know at your convenience if you would care to ply me with drinks at either the Four Seasons or the Federalist to further discuss my candidacy. Sincerely, Mark

hahahahahahahha afl

Yes Janet

Does Guy Ritchie need his house painted? O

hee,hee. funny ad. Maria

This is in response to your posting on Craigs. I meet all and none of the requirements posted. I am the bastard child of one of your cities most well known artists. No one ever sees my work mostly because of a phobia I have that obviously was conditoned to me in my childhood, A mommy dearest story if you will. I would like to learn more. Bam Bam

Hello, Somewhat confusing, but very interesting. Not sure what I would be doing if hired, but I wouldnt mind not working in a law firm anymore. It is so very boring, but it does pay the bills for now. So please let me know how I could apply and I would like more info on the job. Kristine

so you have a lot of free time on your hands, then? Linda Lea

you are very funny! Pat

What is this about,, really???????? Lisa

I would apply but I think I am overqualified... Although I really couldt dicide if your posting was for an employee, a sucker for a gag or a zombie for a cult. But, as odd as it may seem, I am emminatly qualified to fullfill the duties as they have been listed on your ad. I am pasting my resume onto the body of this e-mail and can provide examples of my paintings upon request. (The attatchments are to big for craigslist) Please contact me at your convienience, as I am very curious to discover just what the hell you are looking for. Jonathan

congratulations on making me laugh my nuts off as I recalled the many conversations i have had around the world on the same topic. yours, an artist with a limp little website phil

To Whom It May Concern In regard to the Artist / Fix-It-Man position posted at craigslist.org, I am most intrigued by the posting and would like to learn more about the position and your organization. I am up-starting artist. Currently I have been working on several nudes which will be on display at Contour in Downtown Seattle on 1st Avenue, April 1st - 30th. I have faced the censorship of many venues, which choose not to display the human body in its natural form. Its a disgrace. Although I have never witnessed a job posting of this sort of nature, I have often been accused of many of the characteristics you have mentioned: I am most usually anti-authoritarian, heavy on concept and the process of art. I am most interested in the Post-Modernist deconstruction of art, politics, commerce, religion, and war. My education is in the design field; I have a Bachelor of Architecture degree. I always produced drawings with pencil, paper and paint, never with a computer, with the exception of scanning to reproduce the work. If we have the chance to interview I would be glad show you my portfolio of architecture and of painting. I was always intensely critical of the programs and uses of the buildings I have designed. My work often led to severe im

passes with my instructors, which involved my voluntary exclusion from the studio and sparse interaction with them. I would generally skip studio and work at night. In two and a half years I havent found a job in Architecture, and I believe it is because I dont know AutoCADD very well. I believe AutoCADD is merely a product, and learning it benefits me in no way. It is a product that only makes money for the company I would work for, and therefore they should pay to train me how to use it. It might sound stupid, but thats what I believe. Last week I had an interview for a bank teller job: the interviewer asked me how competitive I was on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the most. I said I was a 2 out of 10. She asked me why, and I told her that competition is based on cannibalism and that it involves the drive to simply devour resources, as well as dominate fellowhuman beings and see them as prey. Why cant we work together? I really enjoy woodworking, and I am a dumpster diver. I can usually fix things to meet my needs. I have also owned my own house and have done my own home improvement projects. A rant: I am always deeply concerned with the social value of institutional projects, and I despise the way status quo politics, especially the way conservative lobbies play on the ignorance of

the less educated to gain votes. Particularly the huge portion of the Hispanic population that voted for Bush. Most people who vote conservatively dont realize they end up paying disproportionately for voting for their chosen party and loose the benefits of public services. I hope you can concur, or at least enjoy a conversation about some of the opinions on various issues I tend to wear on my sleeve. I am and have always been a strong supporter of the Monorail. I think the monorail has more potential of curbing urban sprawl than the mere changing of zones, which will suffocate development, or the widening of roads (totally stupid). I love cities, and yes, New York City RULES. I believe it is my responsibility as a citizen to register and to vote. I absolutely despise the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. I believe that if there was a referendum on abortion, that only women should be allowed to vote: men cant bear children, why should they judge it? I preferably would go with the idea that you can have an abortion if you need one, and if you dont believe in it, dont have one.

Women should be allowed to expose their breasts in public, or men should be forced to wear bras. Television should be allowed to show any and all content you can represent with video, that, or religious programing should be forced to post a disclaimer about harsh language and viewer discretion. The drinking age should either be lowered to eighteen or eliminated. If the drinking age stays at 21, then the draft age should be increased to 21. Please do not despise my experience listed on my resume in regard to my employment with a financial organization and to my knowledge of computer software. How else would I respond to your ad unless I had some knowledge of the computer? Also, if you notice my short-term employment with the financial institution for which I worked, I just dont fit into white-collar, gentrified, racist, sexist, and ageist environments. I am a pianist, although technically a percussive instrument, hope you will consider it a stringed instrument.

Obviously, a sense of humor is a must; mine is usually quite dry, except under the influence of various other natural substances. I do have a beard, but I have not developed a rasta-influenced wardrobe. Ill have to ask you what the bare-minimum and maximum of your dress-code is. Please find my resume attached for your perusal. Please feel free to grill me with any questions, concerns, and interests. Thank you for your interest. Sincerely, Joel

the job description sounds confusing yet intriging, should tell you I overlooked minimum salary after reading about bitter loneliness and gluing back record albums. Here about me: My full name is Karina, they called me _________________ where I studied drawing and Sumi. I am originally from Ukraine, but Ive lived in NYC since 1992 (made some money working as a financial analyst at Wall Street but quit and danced half naked in a bar making big money and having lots of free time) I have a bachelor of arts in Psychology and English and a year of master in Arts and Humanities. I spent a year selling art. I spent a year and a half in India and Peru. I spent 8 years playing a piano. I spent 2 years smoking pot and reading Carlos Castaneda. Dont know guitar accords but my music when I play the guitar flies up directly toward the Divine Mother. I make jewlery and paint with watercolors. Oils is really not my media, but maybe you can help me to discover something I dont know. I am a woman but I love tools and all kind of its not for a girl kind of stuff. Dont really like porn or sports but love pets. Very opinionated, eccentric in presentation and strict about physical contact - I am a yogi not a toy :)

if that sound interesting, we can talk more. still not very sure what the job is about, but its decent and highly artistic where I can work with my hands and my heart, you may reply to this message. thank you Karina

Funny. Why? Will

I just have to say this is the best job posting Ive seen on Craigslist. Cheers for the morning laughter. Where do I sign up! Oh, and and I still try to fix old 78s and have succeeded. They dont play, but I have succeeded. If I had a hammer, a hammer in the morning only way to break the 78. Then use the center pieces as coasters. Now where did that Yma Sumac 78 go.... oh no! - Otis

Love the posting, and Im who you seek. Please call or request further indiscretions via this email addy. Bruce

WHAT? Fading you just made my day. Thank you. Tess

Done, I am in love with your grey writing, and its shaded whit. I will be available for the position in eight months to a year. I am currently ransacking a small communities UNICEF foundation from the inside as an accountant. Almost three million within net worth goal at least two more months. Anyway love the position, My references are interesting, please read Leonid Friedmans depiction of me. I prefer Da Vinci and 83' and any French red but will settle for Lautrec, 2003 Merlot, and a nice gram of coke. Brunette not blonde, Italy over France, London over Boston, New York over London, Waco, Texas over LA, and Stones over Beatles (Even though thats getting closer every day). Cigarettes show humility, depicting Jesus as your buddy does not; Slow over Fast, Finding good rap over complaining that rap sucks, listening to any type of music over TV, no makeup over just enough make-up, water over coffee, coffee over milk, tea over coffee, and moderation over moderation. Excuse the rant in a bit of bender, three days or so of starring at walls. Leave for Prague on the 31st, 5 days. The weekend plus thurs., fri., and mon.., better then not going I guess. I suggest establishing some underground casino contacts in Prague, rich American actors hang out there a lot, and run illegal casinos with mobsters. That or South America, Vegas and Atlantic City are falling apart, and there to hot right now anyway. Right-O, Charles

Zots! Yall arent Tom Robbins, are ye? Youve got my interest...tell me more, or ask me questions! RTE

i am the man for the job. no question. hit me back. -akira

Tell me some more about this and what you are really looking for and I will send you a resume. P.S. I have tons of 78 record albums. Sonya

Painter? Yes. Fine Artist? Yes. Gambler of sorts, recently tried my luck in Vegas, all of America seems to be a breeding ground for that filthy habit! Then again isnt all of life a gamble? Just spent the last few months working for a fine interior design company in sunny San Francisco, we specialise in buying antiques from sothebys and such like as well as reproductions of museum-quality pieces like the Chippendale Badminton Chair, but my forte is landscapes, painting them enlarging them, collaging them, photographing them.... painting the odd sreen, blowing up leaves, patterns in nature, i love nature, John Virtue, Andy Goldsworthy, even Pollock was caught up in the landscape of his moods! Hence a speedy to return to london if i may, to be a fine artist, which is truly my calling and to listen to Bachs Aria in my sunny studio and paint away while i dream of gambling and beating the odds! yours truly, only me.... are we all stark raving mad or what? bloody potty if you ask me...fun nevertheless.....perhaps its all part of a big joke or a massive experiment....what is it exactly that you are conducting? My father always told me dare to be a Daniel! Dare to stand alone! Dare to have a purpose firm and dare to make it known! I hear him now, singing with ardour! :))) katasi.

hi, my name is greg anderson and im interested in being your artist. your requirements describe me to a detail! im not an artist now, you know. i gave up those dreams in 1986, after the pressures of relying on friends food/couches became too much for me. ive been working at a stable, yet common, job ever since. the spring has stirred a certain restlessness - leading me to craigs list and your job posting. ive been too long without an identity. i am willing to weather all sorts of discomfort if you can return to me the satisfaction that comes from Being an artist. yours, greg

I read your ad. When can we meet? Jude

Jesus, just reading your ad was fun! Sure, lets cook up some new adventures! Im an American Artist/Writer/Life is My Canvas sort. Ive sold encyclopedias door to door in Mexico and taught digital clitoral manipulation in Hawaii. Ive sold art to factories in Indonesia, and Ive written computer games that sold millions of copies. I live now on the Italian Riviera, but my last home in the states boasted a swimming pool in which Elvis once swam. My gardening book, Gardening for the Criminally Negligent, sold thousands of copies, and I write magazine articles on Agricultural Chemistry. I did speak French years ago when I was a ski Instructor, I once worked for Ballys Hotel Casino in Las Vegas, and I do occasionally write articles about baccarat and blackjack systems. A few years ago I designed and manufactured a line of expensive patio furniture. Ill argue Art to the point of blood, gladly. So, what should we do for fun? Ha! I think Ill read your advertisement again, just to imagine what sort of character would have that idea, whatever it is. -Rick

this is the oddest one ive seen......... and very passionately written. bon chance avec chercher ton artist. melissa

I have already filled this position. Matt

Is this JOB for real? cause if it aint your a genius!!!!! thanks for posting this Des

hi your posting sounds great, please throw me a call Jess

Bravo. Harry

you are hilarious Ethan

Hey Whats with this site, Is it for real?? Does it pay? I can do everything in all your ads. And I am an out of work artist and going broke fast Well Just curious what you are up to. Linda

you are very funny! Susan

Youve got to be joking, this is my dream job. Two posts in one day? You must really need help. I am here. Let me assist. LYLA

i enjoyed your words male, 27, architecture grad. artistic. Nomadic tendencies. hip/ technical curious about your work. Klatt

nicely done................. RB

These keep getting better and better, like a contest for who can come up with the most profoundly strange craigslist post of all time. Cheers, thanks for making me smile. .O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O. j.evonne

Hello This is the best job description I have seen since I have been looking for a job. I am a fine artist working (currently) as an Editor (dont ask me why). But more importantly I want to know if this (ad) is for real?? Please write back Marina

These adds are a lot of fun to read. Do you get many responses, and what exactly are you up to? Just curious, though I would love to work for someone who thinks like you. When I was in graduate school, I worked for a retired professor of Art History and the job was a lot like what you describe. The pay was much better though. Tax

you are off your fukin rocker dawg! James

HILLARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! The funniest thing I ever read on Craigs List. Please send me more!!! Mariclare

thank you. Kate

Dear Sir, I am here w a friend and we are armwrestling to determine which of us is most qualified for the position. You dont really mind if we use the coin toss method, do you. We are appropriate candidates in all aspects of your post, highly, let us say it again, highly experienced in the field. You must remember that I personally have already interviewed...you told me I was your guy. I do hope that even if Alice, said friend wins, that you will take into account our long and dear friendship, and of course including the major fact that I am not only your #1 fan, I run the freaking fan club for nothing... Well get back to you after a few rounds at the coffee table arm wrastlin... Kind regards, hope you will hire me over her or yourself... Sincerely, Carl I want it now Fiacco

This has to be the best posting I ever read. I sincerely, hope you fill it! It actually sounds like my current job Creaturemaker

I am chinese and what you describe is what I can do. I have worked for your type of company in Shenzen Provence in China for $40.00 a day. You have good company and I am your cooley. No resume, no college, no teeth B Hage

I want the job. Max

you know, except for the fix-it man part (cuz Im a girl, ya know) that so describes my life. Would that it paid better. k.

Cant sleep clowns will eat me... Cant sleep clowns will eat me... Cant sleep clowns will eat me... Bart S

How can one possibly fit all the requirements imposed by your desire? Easy, stretch the truth. I am you man, yep thats me. If thats what you want...It sounds like you are describing a cavalier bravado attitude like Ernest Hemmingway crossed with a Ghandi type of walking pauper prophet stateliness and a dash of Tommy Chong for good humor. Where do I sign up? Sillanomous

You have found your man. Im a 25 year old male subconsciously bent on a path of self-destruction as a result of extreme boredom with life in general...basically I expected more. I may be the only unemployed MENSA member in the whole of time and space. Prefer to remain unemployed so as to devote all my time to losing myself in my own thoughts and madness, but will consider the right job. Topher

My name is Dylan. I saw your horrendously particular add on craigslist, and I just had to respond. In all truthfullness, I do not fit all of the requirements you list (although I think it is about as likely that you will find somebody who DOES fit all the requirements, as a tornado stumbling upon a junkyard and creating a fuuly functional 1950s television style killer robot) but thats beside the point. Anyway, if you are completely and utterly rooted in finding someone who meets every one of your qualifications and requirements, then stop reading now, for this will be a waste of your time. If not, then please read on, and you may find that my experience and demeanor could suit your purposes (whatever they may be...) I am a very art minded, technically apt person who is currently looking for a job and a place to live (mostly just job, but place to live would be good as well). I have a degree in Fine Arts with a specialization in Metalworking from Purdue University in Indiana, where I resided until a few months ago when I graduated college, and having no more ties to the excedingly boring place, stuffed my crap in my car and left, only to end up here in LA after several weeks of travel. During school, I worked in a wide degree of summer and winter break jobs, ranging from carpentry, welding, construction, and jewelry repair. I also have a little experience repairing cars, and working with electrical wiring. I am a hard and diligent worker (or so Ive always been told) and I am very easy to get along with. Thus ends the part of this message where I tell you all the job oriented stuff that I tell most other employers, and begins the part where I tell you other things about myself that may interest you, whether in possitive or negative ways I cannot be sure. My life previous to becoming an

adult was spent mainly building with legos, tearing apart old electronics and puting different peices together to no apparent end, and playing war with my friends in the woods. I was never able to exceed beyond mediocrity in school, despite puting forth a valiant effort, because of my inability to focus on any one thing unless I have complete and unfailing interest in it (which school had very little of, even college). Until I got to college, I was a very anti-social person- not because I wanted to be, but because i was unwilling wo fit with the rest of puzzle-peices that were my peers. When I got to college, that aspect of me didnt fade, but if anything, grew stronger. This due to the fact that college life in general is more friendly to those who choose not to conform. Anyway, as it turns out, I am actually very good at dealing with all types of people, provided they give me a chance to make an impression, and not make one for me themselves. In my free-time, I enjoy playing paintball, snow and water skiing (when I can afford it), target shooting (yes, I like guns), pen and paper table top games, reading science fiction books, and of course creating art (sculpting and drawing mostly, though I have painted and enjoted it in the past). Unfortunately, most of these pass-times have fallen into non-use as of recent due to my current financial situation. If you are interested in knowing more, feel free to ask. I try to check my mail at least every couple days. I also have a cell-phone, the number is 317-840-2291. My time at this computer is over for today, so Ill have to end this now. -Dylan PS- I do not listen to Outkast or Britany Spears. I do very much like Blind Guardian and Manowar.

WELL DONE!!!!! Millensgroup

Dear Friends/EnemiesI ran across your ad on the internet and - as is so often the case - I am simultaneously uncertain and yet compelled to act. My highly attuned sense of the uncanny leads me to believe that your ad is a hoax, but I suspect not a simple prank. Rather, my guesstimation is that it is an act of provocation designed to attack and communicate, a simultaneous seizure of ideational space and a recruitment/marshaling of troops. Your post looks a good deal like the work of Neoists, of whom I am a friend and fellow traveler. On the other hand, Anti-Neoists, of whom I am a sworn enemy, long ago learned how to emulate the acts of the Neoist Alliance. As such, there is great risk: to respond is to expose myself to the risk of possible identification and retributive action by the forces of boredom and coagulation. To not respond is to risk leaving a needy Neoist comrade in the lurch - thereby contributing to extinction of one of the few stars left who still populate the firmament - since clearly the placement of such a statement reveals the need for support. You see my dilemma. But risk is an existential fact, to live, particular in our age, is to live exposed to danger, and to avoid danger at the expense of avoiding living is the greatest peril of all. And I have been tested before and I am certain I could muster mettle needed for further tribulations.

Contrariwise, I may well be an Anti-Neoist (though I assure I am not [as any Neoist or Anti-Neoist would]) out to trap you, to risk you exposing yourself to identification and retributive action. Do as you see fit. I recommend communicating as if you are confused, as if I have misunderstood, thereby communicating in code that further action is required. onward, generating, Nate

Boy, this sounds perfect for me! Here is my resume: Im 58 and dont remember too much from 67 to 83 but things get better after that. I like playing the dobro. I dont eat anything bigger than my head. Favorite quote: All we are saying is give cheese some pants... Would you mind advancing me a couple months salary? Ron

This job sucks, Ill take it. Chris

when can i start? GH

...and, after reading all this, what is it exactly that you bring to the table? Dehner

sounds quite fun, but what do i tell my middle-class parents??? Miek

Does Craiglist really reach people like you from artists like me? David

You got to be kidding for this job position. One will have more fun even in Prison then working with people like you idiots. Chiru

sign me up. Will

I kinda like outcast, is that such a big deal, Im one of the thousands upon thousands of fledgling writers in this city. Im big, can be mean but also pretty fun and funny, I was a Billionaire (for bush or gore) last ellection cycle and will need time to work on shit for this cycle (I came back to NYC in part so I could get ready for the GOP) Dave

I am writing this response to your ad posted on the Craiglist.org board for an Artist-type for your factory. After reading and re-reading the job description about 5 times I can honestly tell you that although Im not entirely sure what it all means, I am the man for the job. So heres a little about me: I am 23 years old and still live with my mother. While I dont have a job per se, I get by making money any way that I can including, but not limited to; freelance photography, mural painting, web design, welding, body painting (people AND cars), freelance landscaping, supply teaching, newspaper editing, busking, silk-screening and car washing. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. I am an eloquent bystander and a cunning linguist. I keep the ends out for the tie that binds. I hold a degree in fine arts from ____________ University in Toronto, and have done many crazy things in the name of art. Once I nearly drowned my best friend in a birdbath full of cold water. During an ill-fated photo shoot only months later, a violin exploded mere feet from his face, scorching his hair. The aforementioned incidents notwithstanding, I assure you I am merely reckless, not stupid.

Although I do not live in Vancouver, I assure you this is not an issue. I have nothing holding me down right now, and as a matter of fact, I am writing this on a strangers computer during a rain delay in the middle of a motorcycle trip from Cincinnati to Ottawa. Up and move is practically my middle name. I am From Grande Prairie, Alberta, but I have never lived anywhere longer than four years. Due to this, I am well-adjusted, even-tempered, house broken and I speak three languages. I am comfortable in any situation, not afraid to ask for seconds and would like to meet Her Majesty The Queen one day. If any or all of these things sound good to you, then please respond to this email, and I will send you my resume when I get back to Cincinnati. Thank you for taking the time to read these rants and I hope you hear a good word from Vancouver real soon-like. Brian

Is this job for real? You must be joking? Roxanne

Hello! I have to thank your ad writer for the subtly over-the-top job posting on craigslist. It made me laugh and share the ad with friends. Dawn

Greetings! Wow! This sounds just like me! I just took down a solo exhibition of my Artwork at the Stockton Barnes and Noble and I serve as The Resident Artist at The Caffein Den on Miracle Mile. My Art consists of Paintings, Photos, Magazine-like pamphlets, Posters, Short film, Sculpture and Digital Art. I traveled for two years as a sales rep for a multimillion dollar company, New Reader Service, Inc. and Worked 12 hour shifts everyday and had enough energy to party in the big cities at night. I especially liked San Francisco, LA, Seattle, Miami, Atlanta and Houston! This job taught me how to go out there and sieze the oppotunity at every moment! I often even escorted buyers to the ATM! My managers brought us up with a F*ck you Pay me mentality! Let me know when I can make some arrangements to meet with someone. I have a degree in Art Studio from UC Davis of which I made MTV like Art throughout my college years and almost got kicked out for doing just so by some of the more traditional instructors. Since then, I have been showing my Artowrk and continually creating new Art pieces having traveled the United States.

I will seriously rocks some sh*t! Let me work for you with a small salery, enough to get by and have my cigars from time to time, and we will succeed! Im way energetic and ready for the world. I like doing the Im professional at everything role. But I am seriously one of the greatest Artists the world will meet! Seriously! My contact info is provided below.... Jules

Im not sure if what I just read was a manifesto or a personal ad. Regardless, I found it compelling. Nick

Whatever happening you folks are planning, I would like in on it! Please tell me you have more planned than just your craigslist manifesto. Im an over educated, hopelessly ignorant dilettante with strong opinions on art (and anti-art) that I can abandon at a moments notice. I flicker in the wind. My background was originally in biological science, sociology and criminology, pataphysics, sociology, criminology, phrenology, orgonomy and vibrational medicine, but I have since given up my promising career as a nurse to societys wounds to selfishly pursue my baser creative urges, deconstruct my id, and live in a post-structural state of psychoanalytic paralysis. xoxo Abigal

Your posting has been removed by the craigslist community. Several craigslist readers flagged it for the following reasons: PROHIBITED: posting appears to conflict with craigslist Terms of Use: http://www.craigslist.org/about/terms.of.use.html#conduct DISCUSSION: posting appears to be discussing a previous posting MISCATEGORIZED: posting appears to be in the wrong category SPAM: posting appears to have been posted too frequently, OR in too Many categories, OR is being regarded as commercial spam. To advertise A business or service, please post under services offered The flagging system is a work-in-progress, with all the pros and cons of a democracy - Please post suggestions for improvement in the feedback forum: http://forums.craigslist.org/?forumID=8 After reviewing your posting and our policies, if you are convinced That those flagging your post were mistaken, please feel free to repost. Sorry for the hassle! and thanks for your understanding.

i cant be sure that youll find my conceptual guns better those of mr. warhols (though I assure you that I am stronger and faster), but id would like to offer to shoot any candidates you may find, as assuredly this is a service you will eventually require should you hope your golden boy achieves mythical status among affectated art students and hackneyed hipsters. if it helps, I am totally like, one-fourth way through a novel, which Im sure could very easily be made into some kind of plodding metaphorical drama without too much trouble. or possibly you need more (or less) than an art director, in which case, I would refer you to my resume below. I must warn you, it fails entirely to reveal my charms for example, I can stretch canvas like a motherfucking canvas-stretching robot although it does include my contact informaton. Yours, et cetera. Rajan ps. At the very least I could like, shoot Chris Burden again. Ill do that way cheap.

you couldnt pay me to be andy warhol Sarah

Im youre man. Feel free to contact me at your earliest convenience. Cheers, Bower

Marcel knows I am an artist. Baroness Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven Jen

I believe Andy Warhol is dead, darling. Laura

Hello, My name is T. Scott McDonald and I believe I have the experience and potential to be a great commercial artist and succeed as a leader and partner in your advertising firm. First of all, Id just like to say that you are a beautiful writer. I picked up on what you wrote about the Sunday Mass thing and living with your mother. That was Andy Warhols life until the day he died. I have my ear to the ground on advertising and art history because I took a lot of great art history classes at UC Santa Barbara. After graduating, I can recognize certain paterns in what I see that relate back to the paintings of the 1800s. Such as if you look at the new ad for the Sopronoes season where every corpse is clinging to a boat, it is nearly a replica of the Gericault painting called Wrath of the Medusa. I believe there is a reason why certain advertisements succeed and certain ones dont. That is why Id like to work for you. I am really good with people of all class levels and I know how talk about art and artists. I have great painting and drawing skills. My paintings are currently being published in downtown LA. I am 24. I would really like to set up an interview to meet you. Please look at my resume because I believe it will be worth you while. Thank you for your consideration, Scott

geez... the job description fits me to a T, but unfortunately, Im dead. Andy

hi, that is a very long and seemingly detailed job describtion, wich sounds interesting in parts. only whats the job? sounds like you envision an andy warhol like person? and all that for minimum wages? im inriged I must say, so if you have the time please tell me more! best nadja

What the fuck on earth is this post about? What are your intentions in asking someone to do all this? Trying to understand the point. ~Ryan~

fuck your stupid annoying smug post! fuck off!! T

I have a couple of questions about this position. First, what exactly is this operation you are running, i.e. are you an artist in need of an assistant or an organization seeking new members? Second, what is the compensation for such a demanding, seemingly unrewarding job? Thank you and sincerely, Jing

Waste everyones time with duplicated, pseudo-clever ads for positions that dont exist????? (And why am I wasting time bothering to write this??) Peter

Okay before we go any further with this... What kind of job is this? This is the most ridiculous job posting I have seen to date, and I am a freelance graphic designer ie. I spend a bunch of time looking to see what is out there job wise. So I have seen a fair amount of absurd postings, but as of yet you WIN! Emily

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funny. You think you are funny. Teasing starving fine artists with the possibility of a job that we are actually qualified for. Heheee. Im laughing. and hungry. jessi

you have, undoubtedly, heard the expression, you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. Tyler

Per your craigslist.org posting: This is a joke position, right? O o . o O o . o O o . o O

Ive noticed your wit and I have to admit a few of your creations have made me smile; however the short-lived curve of my lip is small compensation for my time. Could you be so considerate and post your delightful expressions on blog. I would enjoy them a great deal more as fiction. An honest format could challenge your abilities to fool and surprise in a way that at first might seem more difficult but however, as your masterwork develops into a sincere basis of shock, rather than a value within shock itself, the masterwork of your _expression will see its merit based on true authorship, rather than fool-play. Thank you Saundra

get a life! Maya

Is this a joke? for minimum wage is this a huge, huge joke? Grendel

are you fucking kidding? -anna

Seriously, stop it. Its really draining looking for a job and kind of a slap in the face to have someone trying to make fun of it. I realize youre trying to make some witty satire about artists, but its still a pain to open up the email and find out youre just making a joke. Please reconsider your method. KS

Youve got to be kidding. Take your posting elsewhere - craiglist is for professionals not minimum wage idiots. Flood

Its white people like you that think your so funny. Mike

Wow, I havent encountered dreck this clichedly erudite since my freshman year of college. Why dont you give the real job seekers a break and lay off with your tiresome, look-how-smart-and-clever-I-am bullshit? Have nothing better to do? Roy

I seriously hope you arent offering minimum wage for this position. Otherwise I have to believe this is another craigslist joke. If this was an actual job...I might be interested. Jak

I can fulfill the position, but based on your requirements, it will take more than MINIMUM WAGES TO ENTICE ME! A job of this magnitude will require At least $75.000.00 per year plus expenses. Bob

After a full page of requirements for the job , are you seriously offering minimum wages? Are you freaking kidding me? Nina

Brilliant. Really. Gucci

I was a-walkin down this alley when all of a sudden schmacko! I found this job listing which is rightup my alley... It is the subject of why I contact you today; at the Multnomah County Library, their pc system will not allow me to further download this Fine Artist / Curator / Art Consultant - job information, I would imagine that if I were to do so, Id find your instructions on how to properly apply for this position that has my life stamped all over it! It is like I feel I do not even want to apply for it, I just want to start working at it. But, so, now, how do we proceed from here? Would perhaps you email me ASAP to let me actually put in my application, somehow other than your original, prescribed way in which I cannot do from here, please? I think I may tell you something about mself here, but with your meanderingly-vivid job description, I do not know where to start, i.e., my biography, work references, where I studied the Fine Arts, and et cetera . . . Wishing I had at hand the right pc system to do this at your requested method, Sincerely, Thomas

this already sounds like the story of my life have you had many responses? ah perhaps after youve once been through the list wed have one or two interesting people to talk with im an architect and a visual artist spending way too too much time contrubuting to the general malaise for no reason other than to pay rent...ok to buy burbon care to talk? Linda

I am all of these things and more. I wish and await your contact, Peter

TOO brilliant! This should be on BEST OF.... 9381

send me some money first, then i will apply. Soma

This is a very funny joke! Lana

I fit every qualification in your posting on Craigslist.org, and I am wondering exactly who you are. Are you a curator? An agent? Are you Komar and Melamid? I look forward to hearing from you. Jennifer

A secret artist, prompted by desire, abandons ideas, works in secret, yet s/he is unafraid to be center of attention with celebrity status. Jest? If not, sounds like a position in abstract schizophrenia, nice one. [sic]

Who are you? Sho

today i painted a portrait of someones cat for twohundred and fiftydollars it was prettyfun Jessica

As I already have my own thing going on, I dont feel that Im right for this position. In fact I think our philosophies may be almost diametrically opposed. However, your ad was so unusual, detailed, bizarre and possibly brilliant, that I have to inquire about your organization. If you could provide me with more information on your group/organization/thing Id appreciate it. Tim

First, I must say, I am currently marginally employed. I scan these ads and the papers and read TEAM PLAYER, BIG MONEY, DIPLOMATIC JARGON and shake my head muttering no thats not me and then I research disability and find myself matching the requirements (in the mental health department). After this I turn to my bookshelf and the mass of scrawled essays and excessive paintings around my room and cant possibly believe that I am insane, more so, of such little use to this world I inhabit. When I say marginally employed I mean this as synonymous with self employed or formally unemployed. Currently I take my work out to the streets or subways, take commissions when they come my way, and pray to a god of finances that I dont really believe in. All of my work is intense and sometimes my hands cant keep up with my brain (correction: most of the time...even as I write this email). Well, well, I do not even know you, dear anonymous employer, and therefor I will refrain from useing this email to stress as desperately as I am that I am alive, and indeed the person for this position. I suggest a meeting at a time/place of your convenience so that facial expression and animated flesh may accomodate such a communication. Below is my formal resume so that I may portray myself to you in a more organized fashion. Jamie

To whom it may concern, I filled this position a long time ago... except for the French parts. Thank you, Loretta

The application process for such a position seems elusive. I am willing to perform dog and pony tricks for such an audition, while understandably curious and skeptical at once. Send me a further proposition, such as what exactly you seek, and how I might prove myself to have the qualities you are looking for. I swear on my mothers second pinky knuckle that I fit the position you speak of somewhat nicely, but I am unsure as to how I would qualify these things. Id be interested in a meeting to solidify the notion. Is this an offer of patronship or an attempt to replicate masterworks? We will see. Show yourself and we might strike a deal. -ryan

Excellent, eh! Where do I sign up? Nadine

An extremely amusing job listing for the artist. Thank you. Aliea

what kind of psyche project do you have going here? Jiminez

hi there, this seems like a weird and wonderful position doing... what exactly? be a pet artist for secretive patrons? young new york artist, fan of the analitical as well as the mystical reads sci-fi, douchamp, walter benjamin, paul auster and conspiracy theories does drawing, illustration, paint, digital media, video and everything that needs to be made my being here is co incidental looking for a supportive employer while i put myself through grad school thank you shiri

Dear Mysterious Person, This is absolutely the most fascinating job description I have ever read. There are so many twists and turns in it that I am not exactly sure what the job is for, nonetheless I cant resist applying. And yes, I do play chess and biiliards. -Anie

SIGN ME UP! Sullivan

who are you? this is great Christina

I cant tell if this is serious or not. If you would let me know who you are, and what this is actually about I would appreciate it. If this is serious, I have most of the qualifications you have listed, and would like to discuss this further. Thank you. Sincerely, GP

Shit. I bet you get a lot of gals. cash

ha! matt

HA Mary

when and where can we meet to talk about the position? im currently in paris, but i can go anywhere i need to be. Emily

I posses only a few of the assets required by your position - yet I may also be positioned among assets you are not yet required to ask that I posses. Please do let me know more thanks L

I have no idea what to make of your craigslist post. It sounds beautiful, cynical, and extremely sarcastic. Tell me more... Michael

This.B.Me Who.B.U? I like your writing and the mind behind it. I want someone to play with professionally & locally in Sacramento. Jim

To Whom It May Concern: What a fabulous piece of writing (the job advertisement). Was there some feeling of catharsis after that? I am not sure what type of job your addressing but the writing certainly made me curious. My resume and general prefab cover letter (to follow) are aimed at a non-art audience, so Ill address that in this cover. Art is been central regardless of my curiosities about other lines of work. I work in my downtown Portland studio six days a week. I do prefer Renoir to Monet but am flexible. I actually address Rembrandt most heavily in my work, whom I have considerable knowledge on. I am sad to say that Craiglist wouldnt take the work samples that I inserted, which I felt conveniently commented on technique knowledge. Ive spent a couple weeks in France but only recreationally. Since I dont want to just randomly discuss artistic qualifications (I am sure youll get plenty). Feel free to use my contact info. Behrndt

Dear Art Patrons: Wow! Your notice appeals to me greatly. I would love to supplement my income by producing cartoons for publications and journalsor by giving language or chess lessons. I have an array of artistic and language skills gleaned here and there. A recent artistic project was painting an outdoor scene on a dining room wall. I was, now get this, I was able to satisfy a gay man with very specific likes and dislikes. His only horror was a small drop of green paint splattered on his white carpet. In addition to my languages (Swedish, German, French, Italian), I am also a skilled pianist/organist who particularly enjoys playing for funerals. Funeral dirges are frequently written in minor keysmy preference. My musical tastes are all over the board (i.e., Liszt, Chopin, U2, The Smiths). Artistically I lean towardswell, when in Italy, whats not to admire? Also, Richmond, Virginia, has a fabulous art museum. I think the impressionists were too poor to afford eye glasses and they really needed them, but the results are interesting. I love Michelangelo Caravaggios work. Only from life. Who was it who said he would paint angels if he were given any as models. I shall stop here. Would welcome the opportunity to chat and find out more. Sincerely, Margaret

you sure are a snappy sort. Troy

ok, you win. Brian

Hello, What is the application procedure for this seemingly perfect job? Warm regards, Daniel

Okay, Im looking for a job and you guys just did it. You made me crazy. Mary

I dont meet your requirements. No French But I wanted you to know that your job description is one of the loveliest things Ive ever read. Best of luck to you Nolan

what are you talking about? -penny

bravo. Ben

Yet at the same time that the Realists were creating a visual compendium of social injustices,they were also finding ways for declaring the heroism,dignity and probity of manual labour,without resorting to traditional symbolism or hallowed pictorial devices.Ford Maddox Browns Work(69) epitomises this attempt to create a new and relevant iconography with which to manifest the heroism of labour-a concept which was itself fairly novel at the time.Before the middle of the nineteenth century,and indeed well past it in certain circles,to work with ones hands was considered degrading.Twenty years after Browns painting,Ruskin could still appear radical rather than just plain quixotic(or just plain silly)when,as part of his back-to-the-land campaign,he organised a party of Oxford undergraduates in a road-mending expedition,armed with navvies tools,in order to accustom them to working with their hands.Ruskin himself took a turn at wielding the pick,although the total effect was somewhat dimmed by the undergraduates arriving,with navvies tools, in cabs. Figured this quote of Linda Nochlins(Realism,Penguin1971) may help you to establish the ideal candidate for your project.Beware those who present themselves from the confidence of the cab. footsores are all david

so your looking for evereything in someone, and a minimum cost to you? Hugh

what the hell? this is the most cryptic yet intriguing job discription ive come across. i have no idea if i meet your qualifications, but heres my resume. more info would be helpful... thanks, alex

who is this?...and what is this really for? best, palmer

To whom it may concernIn truth, this job posting sounds too good to be real. It sounds, instead, like an elaborate practical joke. If, however, this is in fact a position that is open, it would fit me like a well-made suit. Please advise if this posting is a serious proposition and give some evidence of such, and I will in turn respond with a resume and cover letter. Thanks, Andrew

I enjoy throwing the axe at county fairs Rollin

The job description you posted on craigslist has got to be one of the weirdest I have ever seen. So it is with a mixture of pride and embarrassment that I submit my application for this position, for which I am uniquely qualified. With the exception of attending mass every Sunday (although I do teach Sunday school), and living with my mother (heaven forbid), I have done or can do just about everything you require. By the way, ja mam rada kava. No, I dont speak Czech. Too many consonants; too few vowels. But I do have a BFA in printmaking (with distinction) from the school formerly known as __________________. My resume follows this note. Please feel free to call me. Regards, Roxane

sometimes late at night, after having already worked myself into a state at once catatonic and semi-conscious, i decide i must read craigslist and see if theres any more work out there for me. as my mind struggles to stay awake and my eyes blurr i suddenly wake with a start . . . did that say choir boy latin . . . is someone out there really seeking my unique combination of media-savvy and low-brow debauchary? or does craigslist have a virus? ?? -eric?

Hello, My name is Jonathan. I am a yong man of 19 years. I have recently dropped out of my college program at a liberal art school because I have found that their art program teaches everything I hate about the art world is the only way to make it. I have been drawing since I was very young and all of my artwork ended up in school notebooks or loose pieces of paper that I freely give to friends. I have a small collection of myown works but there are at least four times as many out in the world today given to People that I have met throughout my short life. While reading your job posting I felt you were describing me personally. It was strange that you hit my personal viewpoints on many different occasions because I have viewed myself as alone in the way I feel about art and the art world. I am considered eccentric by most of my fellow former art students at Drew and many of my projects were considered crazy or pointless by them. None the less I always had the best grade in the art classes I took. My final project for my 2-D design class was to convey a sense of color. My interpretation of it consisted of a series of slide pictures depicting different color cups laying in the snow. This was only half of my presentation, however. After I presented my Colored Cups in a boring monotone voice I moved on to my next set of slide which depicted the murder and the resurrection of a holy figure named Nehimiah. It was all very graphic and my friends posed for the different parts. Ketchup was used for blood. Needless to say it was very colorful and when I presented my second set of slides after the cups I put on my hood and read in

a very strange voice. It got the attention of everyone in my class and they all thought I was crazy. My teacher loved it however and gave me an A. This is just an example of the type of art I like to do. Most of my drawings are purely abstract but I also do representational pictures too. My abstract drawings have been on display in an art show in the Czech Republic called Nadhera. I only decided to submit them because of the prodding I got from my sister who lives in the Czech Republic. I usually do not accept invitations to display my work but give my drawings out freely to friends and people who ask. My ideas about art have been called outlandish and stupid but I will not change them because of someone elses opinion. I want to make money as an artist but I believe it to be impossible for me to do because of my disdain for the modern art world. I refuse to become a part of it despite my love fro art. I have much respect for the masters and little for modern artists who expect me to get the meaning of life from a pair of paints covered in shit and hung upside down. I am a very social person at times but spend most of my time at home in Chicago by myself. Most of my friends live in new Jersey and still attend school at Drew. I did not like the atmosphere though and work best in isolation. I can handle myself extremely well at social gatherings and tend to pick up friends quickly when I want to. I am very diplomatic when the need be and can easily help solve a dispute.

I know I am very young and that I may not be what your are looking for but I assure you that if you give me a chance I will take full responsibility of all the requirements given to me. I am only a hard worker when the work interests me and the job described sounds veeery interesting. I want to have a job where I can be alone and travel when necessary. I would love to help design and construct large pieces of art I am not be afraid to give my opinion about them whether it be good or bad. I implore you , please give me a chance. If you require to see my resume please respond and I will send you a copy. I must warn you though, it is not impressive considering the only jobs I have held in the past were purely for money and had nothing to do with my interest in art and hatred for most of the modern art world. Thank you very much for your consideration. Sincerely, Jonathan PS: I am very diplomatic when the need be and can easily help solve a dispute.

I know I am very young and that I may not be what your are looking for but I assure you that if you give me a chance I will take full responsibility of all the requirements given to me. I am only a hard worker when the work interests me and the job described sounds veeery interesting. I want to have a job where I can be alone and travel when necessary. I would love to help design and construct large pieces of art and will not be afraid to give my opinion about them whether it be good or bad. I implore you , please give me a chance. If you require to see my resume please respond and I will send you a copy. I must warn you though, it is not impressive considering the only jobs I have held in the past were purely for money and had nothing to do with i think i would be perfect. Eric

This is the most interesting job posting I think I have ever read. I am intrigued. I will not be living in New York until June. If you are still interested please contact me. Thank you, MaryKate

There is no one finer if you look no further. I am a lifelong student of all things visual. Every Day I wake again. . . today, I met a black woman painted in white face. Simply too much to not speak to her. So Ms. Medelin (meddling) looked like a geisha and asked me if I knew some place she could keep warm. I let her know I was on my way to the library and that I would be happy to escort her in that direction. She took my arm. . . told me about her research but said nothing at all. She was a kind woman full of compliments. Definately had a unique look and style. . . crazy makeup, calm eyes. Definately not the homeless woman her plastic Dominicks bag tried to confirm. So we walked. She told me she was forty. Two kids. From Indiana orignally. . . stranded in Chicago. Funny thing, she never asked for money. Gave a little Jesus speech, but respected my views as an unknowing nonetheless. Anyway, just another day on my way to the library. I do not speak French. My wife is fluent and is teaching me je taime and tu jour, otherwise my language skills are limited a un poquito espanol y no mas. . .

but I can and will learn. I weld. I draw. I sculpt. I paint. I make furniture. I do maintenance. I play a mean game of chess and do awlright wit dem checkers. . . I am a neat freak, and believe that representation should be simple when it is meant to explain something. I tend to be antistylistic, and opt for things that are what they are... I pick through other peoples trash and build furniture from what I find. I give it away to fashion slut friends who would never consider anything from the garbage, but do not seem to mind a piecemeal table or cabinet. I am what I am. No more no less. Interested, I will tell you more. Have a great day either way! Stephen

Okay, I am not even remotely qualified for this position, (Im not even certain what it is that youre offering), but it is the most intriguing post I have ever come across. So, I had to ask, what gives? Signed, Utterly Fascinated Casandra

Hi. I am intrigued with this job listing. I am convinced the qualifications read like a personal ad. If I was reading a personal ad, I would have responded as well. I am interested to know about your company. I would be happy to submit a resume if I can learn a bit more about you. Jan

excellent. johnson

bonjour. je mappelle Cory et jadore lart. Cory

vival la france! Im interested and totally the dude you describe except I have zero use religion, buddy. let me know whats up please. thank you Star

Syx, is that you? Johanna

your ad is so crazy, it just might work. olga

your job posting on craigslist is awesome, i will definately forward my resume as soon as i find it again. where are youre offices? i speak yiddish and can definately wear a hard hat and suit and tie....and pull it off. Benjamin

Hi. My name is Nathan and Im from Cleveland, Ohio. I love pirogues, Polish Sausage, the Browns and Indians. You know what though..am getting a bit tired of Cleveland. Thats why Im moving in LA in a couple of weeks where some friends are doing OK and telling me to come there way. Im getting to like fruits and vegetables a lot more these days. Im disliking professional sports more and more. I can get into politics but I guess thatll have to wait until we meet. I heard Dennis Kucinich did well in Cali. He was a choir boy who knows Latin I think. Ive broken rocks in the hot sun while in New Jersey one summer while contemplating the rise and fall of the Roman Empire. I worked for this mason ...this isnt in my resume b/ c this man, who had an 8th grade education and I had a real quick relationship. Its not good to judge people so I wont... Neitzches my favorite along with Sartre. The manifestation of Sartre in many ways is Camus. I love The Stranger. My favorite book of all time though is Crime and Punishment though. Physical labor had lead me down these paths. Im an artist at heart though. My tortured soul. I dont call myself that to seem cool. Actually in public I dont say Im one so...

The thing is I do know how to write well, contrary to what has been written here and I have strong sense for art, Its the only thing thats ever come easy to me, besides playing aloof and women then noticing me for some strange reason. My fathers an artist in Europe (hes a painter in Germanyand Greece-where hes had his shows) and My uncle as well in Toronto. Im coming to LA soon so please keep me in mind. thank you. Nathan in LA

Hello! At the outset, let me just say I am not applying for this position (due to the fact that I live no where near Los Angeles). I am, though, writing in reference to the following: Your advertisement on Craigslist was no less than brilliant. I found it to be fabulously and creatively crafted, highly articulate and just plain fun. It was, in fact, the high point of one very busy workday - and for that I thank you. With this said... I would *love* to find out more about you and your associated company. Why, you ask? Well, anyone that can craft a job ad in this manner is someone Id like to know. Simple, eh? Again, thank you for the much-needed interlude. Happy weekend... Eileen

Saw your ad on CL and found it simply irresistable. For a cover letter I would like to tell you THE HISTORY OF X Nick was born in Buenos Aires, Argentina, late in 1975. He was raised by leftist intelectuals and who immigrated to the states in 83 for fear of political persecution. Nick was always an artist who naturally rejected all convention and always gravitated toward the marginal crowds. At age 16 he began his fruitless career in music and aimless pursuit of LA,s hidden bohemia. He spent over six years at Santa Monica college attempting to make sence of the intelectual mediocraty that surrounds us while simultaniously dabling in every possible dead end job from pet store clerk to airport shuttle driver. After dropping out of college fourtune struck our hero. He was playing in a band with a Philipino sax player who introduced Nick to the limitless earning possibilities of LAs film industry where Nick has resided ever since. For the last six years Nick has managed to avoid a normal job by producing art for the film industry.In this field Nick has hoaned his skills in a viriety of things, including, design, layout, conceptualizing, bugeting, building, painting, dressing, computer design so on and so forth. Nick has dicovered

that his true talents are in finding and motivating talented, creative people, and focusing their energies for a common goal. Nick has developed confidence and cohersive properties that allow him to leach cash money from the tastless and affluent for the purpose of implementing great works of art. By strateling the mighty fence between the bland middle class and the gritty art underworld Nick has carved out a niche for himself from where he just might be perfectly suited for your needs. X

Heya, Your ad was great, it fucking rocked even. If you have time, please check out my art. theres illustrator illustration, 3d modeling, photoshop stuff, etc... I have a BFA degree from Academy of Art College in San Francsico. I have done freelance work. I have been a silk screener for many years before and during college. Ive been in Hollywood now for a month and have yet to be discovered. thanks! Mike

Someday.. I will rule the world... Sherwood

the gig is up I know this is a joke Jose-Luis

Hello I think it possible to mix OHenry, Hunter Thompson and Cortasar on the Rozenquist, Filonov and Dushamp background. But your: Successful applicant will inhabit a small and sparsely decorated studio, working in secret and seclusion for long and short periods of time..... But Im sure it will be real and great man with all features of his character in the right hand. Sincerely Aleksey

Ill take it! Mackey

Wow - ok what kind of satire is this? I sent my art satire page to you yesterday. Art Kills! Want to Quit? ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ Sincerely, Adrien

JESUS CHRIST SAYS YOU ARE DAMNED FOOL IF YOU DONT HIRE ME! he just emailed me, and he was very serious about it. larry

To Whom It May Concern: In response to your posting on www.craigslist.com, Id just like to say youve definitely impressed me by posting one of the most ridiculously outlandish advertisements Ive seen in a long time. Is this a joke? Im not asking that in sarcastic way either, Im just naturally curious. Is your advertisement some sort of prank? Id love to know. Regards, Taryn P.S. Participate and contribute in Sunday afternoon gatherings and discussions hosted and attended by artists, writers and dilatants all associated with todays avant-garde.

Its diletante, not dilatant. Unless of course you want increasing in viscosity and setting to a solid as a result of deformation by expanding pressure, or agitation attending your small events... Im intrigued, tell me more! I think that I just might fit the bill (but I dont go to Mass on Sundays, Im Jewish, but Im sure that wont be a problem since you are EOE/AA An Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action Employer. I look forward to hearing from you. Lyla

Please can you give me more information about the job and when we could arrange a meeting, John, MA Art History

Sign me up, this sound ideal. I work in seclusion while identifying and incorporating contemporary avant think and flip it upside down with incorporations of impressionist flair while coveting my contacts with a coterie of international aesthetes already, so could transition into your minimum wage position immediately. Lets talk. Jim

love it. Lew

This is regarding your job listing on craigslist. I was just wondering if this is serious? Are you trying to persuad weakminded individuals into your scam? There was another listing similar but the other language you wanted them to speak was french. Are you affiliated with that as well? Duncan

Good work! Thanks Kathleen

forget the french... ditto the smoking & any other cliches listed... ...not afraid of having kids. so when is your lottery? (had my ticket for many years now) ~S~

wow, was that job description meant for me or what!! i just feel it in my bones, i was meant for this job!!!! missused

what is the deal with that description? If i wasnt too tired from being in school all day, i would reply with some smart ass commentary. But alas, residing in the right side of my brain all day has depleted the blood supply from the usually unusually active aspect of the language portion of my left brain and i cant really think clearly enough to articulate cutting humor that is fitting to a young contrarian such as myself and if so, i would come up with a strong, unyieldingly aggressive yet intellectual approach, supported by a sound theoretical framework grounded in conscious opposition to posting seemingly provocative yet long winded job descriptions for art positions in such as a way as to build upon the hopes and dreams of artists everywhere in the LA basin who find upon reading this posting that it sparks that feeling inside of being in the moment and that they have truly found a place where the truest _expression of their supplicated selves can call home. Jn ps i think they should have put it down as an internship

Listen up jag bags, Because I believe in art, I am applying for this job. This job seems entirely shady and Im totally into it provided that the people behind this ad are totally serious and not joking about their commitment to their cause, and Im not really sure what it is. I picture you all, recently laid off, or performing some sort of psychological experiment at CMU on the reality of being an artist in Pittsburgh, sitting compfortably in your little dorm holes. That aint right! The truth is: the other night, I was hanging out with this chick named Marsha from Mount Whoo-hoo and she took a spill, someone took her bar stool, we were at Gooskis and Ive never seen anyone that is eight feet tall with blue hair and a pleather zebra jacket fall on their ass, so I was intrigued, but the moment took for ever, in fact, it took so long, that I got bored and looked away. By the time I turned back, Marsha had just hit the floor, a full thirty seconds after said bar stool snatchery. The perpetrater sneaked away without being seen. It is for this reason that I highly recommend drag queens not go to Gooskis. The enviornment there is less than supportive. I cant believe they are closing Donzis. Where the hell am I going to go out on Friday nights? This is going to disrupt the entire Yinzer ecosystem as we know it! Oh rape! Rape of society! Im going to have to move to Cleveland! I hang my head in shame, shame, shame.

Do you guys/girls have any contacts? I have lots. But I will not share (only child) not until you tell me who you are and whats really going on and we have coffee etc. Okay, I will share a little, just enough to get you salivating for more: I know a couple of bands worth publicizing. I have shwanky contacts to various vice presidents of production companies. I have friends that work for the UN. I went to school with Michael Manns daughter. All of this is well and good, and I think it could be of some use. I know a lot of wonderful poets who are stuck teaching preschool and the like. I have a connection to Jane Goodall - you know, gorillas in the mist? This and lots more, for sure. This list could go on and on. I have been published before in international magazines. I have edited books later published by W.W. Norton in New York. All this and I am reduced to applying to this craigslist ad. I am filled with hubris, the tragic flaw, so far so good. My art has been seen in galleries, I was taught to paint by nuns. Currently I have an on again off again stint building topiaries out of candy in a warehouse full of flowers. There is one thing I know for sure: A girl can go anywhere if she has a bunch of flowers in her arms. Who are you? Show yourselves! Make haste, before my rational head kicks in and tells me that this perhaps was not a good idea. Sincerely, La

When do I start? Ryan

ummm, Your job seems very appealing but, I am looking for someone who will pay me minimum wage and have them forcibly peel my eye lids open and pee on my face. No really, whats up with this? Sounds like everything and nothing. Its a joke right? But you made two postings for similarly temporally unrewarding jobs. curious Ethan

Hahahaha - Thanks I needed that! Joe

who ARE you? Bardot

No contest, that is the strangest and most lunatic craigslist.com posting ever! Macleod

That is the funniest thing Ive read in a long time. Great creative writing skills. Thanks for the laugh. Preston-

Yeah, sure. Ooops, je voudrais dire certqainement. Ingar

I love you. Olivia

Im willing to relocate KEN

To whom it may concern: My name is Eric, and I had noticed your postiong on Craigs List for an available commercial artist position. Attached is an up-dated copy of my Resume and Cover Letter. To say I speak Czech would be lying. However I Ive always wanted to see Prauge, and have always been intrested in learning a new language. I would like to think I meet all the requirements for this position, but the only way to really find out is to meet each other face to face. So, hopefully Ill meet the requirements, as well have the opportunity to speak to soon in regards to this opening. Best wishes, and Hope to hear from you soon. Sincerely, Eric

To whom it may concern: Im responding to your post on craigslist.org, wherein you described the duties and responsibilities that could only be undertaken by a multidisciplinary madman. I meet your criteria, and I will help you start your revolution. Regarding my education and experience; I studied print making at Pratt Institute in Brooklyn. I have a strong fine art background, formal training, life experience, hands on experience etc. I have promotion and art direction experience as well. I am skilled with Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator, and can learn other applications quickly. I have great Ideas and the ability to implement them. I am very interested in this opportunity, and would like more information immediately. Please dont hesitate to contact me with any questions. Sincerely, Devin

thanks for making me laugh. Neda

Dear Seeker, In addition to all the qualifications listed in your craigslist ad, I am also qualified in judo, bridge, and I can also stand on my head. However, due to circumstances beyond my control, I am not seeking your ad. Thank you. Karen Miss Hermit the frong

Very funny. It was comedy relief while searching for real work. Thanks for the time that you put into writing it. Very creative! Bob

who are you? Nicholas

Is this a JOKE????? Margret

I swear youre writing to me, But Im not sure why you keep badgering. I hate oils. Whats your deal? Keylo

Dear Sir or Madam: I saw your posting for a graphic designer on craigslist. I am wondering if the position is still open and if it is, I am very interested. I will be graduating from UCDavis this June with a degree in design with an emphasis in graphics. I find that through my internships, I am qualified for the position. Also, I am willing to relocate. I have enclosed my resume. Please feel free to contact me with any questions. Thanks for your consideration. Sammy

Hello! My name is Rebecca, and I write in reply to the ad you have posted at Craigs List. The job described sounds nothing short of incredible, and perfect for someone like myself. I am an arist at heart; I am in school now for fashion design. As I will be graduating in May, I am looking for a job in which I can fully utilize my creative abilities, and lose myself in my work. All things described in your ad are things that reflect my personal habits/passions. I would say I am the most abstract thinker I know, and I am certainly a risk-taker. I have plenty of experience with clothing and costume design, and some in plaster-casting and ceramics. I am very open to new ways to create art and express ideas, am a quick learner, and self-motivated as well. I would love to discuss this opportunity further with you. Thanks so much! Rebecca

My name is Leonardo. I came across your ad for the job of an artist and was overwhelmed with the philosophy or ideas on which the artists that work for you work under, an artists heaven of workplace. I am currently a student, however, I do not feel that the education system in this country is adequate to fill the needs of artists. This need being filled only through experience and work in art related fields where one can use their art to affect the lives of others, while supporting their own life through _expression of thoughts and feelings in art. Thank you for your time. Leonardo

Dear intriguing writer, I have decided to respond to your advertisements that you have placed throughout craigslist cities. I have greatly enjoyed reading your job descriptions and the nuances of duties of an artist/consult/historian/curator throughout your various postings. It is not easy to write a job description for an artist - yet you have accomplished this in a manner interspersed with humor and with great literary style. After a mutual interview, I might want to work with you - or the team that is conjuring up these advertisements. I am preparing a detailed response, describing my persona and working methods but I thought to contact you directly first. I have 2 websites that should peruse. Please call and permit me the opportunity of enchanting you with my voice, while I learn more about where this job is, and what has inspired such fabulous writing on your part. Warmly, Diane

I want to let you know that I am appalled at how little you are offering for this position, the description of which you have written as crudely as a 6 year old immigrant. You disgust me. Kat

Ive noticed your wit and I have to admit a few of your creations have made me smile; however the short-lived curve of my lip is small compensation for my time. Could you be so considerate and post your delightful expressions on blog. I would enjoy them a great deal more as fiction. An honest format could challenge your abilities to fool and surprise in a way that at first might seem more difficult but however, as your masterwork develops into a sincere basis of shock, rather than a value within shock itself, the masterwork of your _expression will see its merit based on true authorship, rather than fool-play. Thank you Saundra

Enough Bullshit, Art projects=in school Getting paid=paying for bills Ian

Minimum Wage... Are you joking? Rob

enough already people want jobs not jokes Gabe

Your posting is a joke, right? Maybe you could get Steven Hawkin a job as a busboy. Tom

I want to be the assistant to the person who wins this job with you. I am looking for an art assistant position....I have the skills/potential/talent but am looking to work under a professional who has been living the life and paying the rent as an artist. Paith MacQueen, female, 24, live in Hollywood , degree three years ago in Graphic Design from __________ University, but real skills in the fine arts, particularly ceramics, sculpture, any artwork fabricated in a multi-faceted, three dimensional way, body makeup artistry and some prosthesis experience, EVERYTHING is my canvas... I understand color and space, I dream in Klimt. For hire to help this vision you have...need satisfaction derived of getting hands dirty, preferably covered in paint, clay etc....hard worker. Too much talent to continue working in a restaurant... Pat

I would like to arrange for either a lengthy phone conversation or to perhaps meet in person to talk further about this position and my qualifications. Stephanie

I work with graduates of our Graphic Design, Multimedia and Animation programs at ____________ College and would be happy to either forward resumes of qualified applicants or forward your information to them to respond directly to you. Our Career Services Office offers free job posting and internship programs that connect students and graduates with employers that can benefit from their knowledge. Please let me know if I can be of assistance to you thanks very much for your time!! Amy

Wait let me get my acid. What does this job involve exactly? M

whatever brilliant mind wrote that job description, My name is Erin and I am have been an artist since I was born, I had to respond to that radiant job description, due to the fact that it is the first time I have seen anyone require intelligence from someone in a long time. I was born into the art world in Tribecca, and was raised by a fine artist, and a fashion designer. I have studied art in many mediums at many schools, from fine art to what I now practice which is graphic design, as well as photography, and some sculpting, although my passion lies with the brush and palette. I am writing this because, by some weird coincidence I just happened to come across this job description while I was looking for something else, might I say it is some weird fate that drew me to it. I am presently working as a designer for a company that is no longer challenging me and I suppose that is why I was so compelled by your posting. I have always maintained enthusiasm for studying symbology in art, even before The Da Vinci Code, and I have always looked to the Greats for inspiration in my own work, whether it be the Poetic Greats, I must say that Walt Whitman is my personal favourite, or the artistic greats, Degas, my true love.

I love that you are asking of your applicants to have a love for life, and an unquenching thirst for growth and expansion. I would love to know more, I am so intrigued I have to say. I could write for days about my ideas and visions, but I find it peculiar that I am inspired to do this by a job posting on Craigs list. I have attached one of my favourite pieces that I created about a year ago; I have much more I could share upon request. As well as a resume. Thank you for your inspiration, -Erin

Hi, my name is Kev and I would absolutely go nuts if I could have a job doing art. I went to UC Berkeley art school my first two years and graduated with an art degree from UCLA. I studied with Chris Burden and Nancy Rubens among others. I am enclosing my oh-so-lame resume which documents the only jobs I could find with an arts degree. I can do the stuff you are describing and I have slides to prove it. I am experienced and keenly interested in all things cerebral and multi - media design. Please let me know if I can help. Looking forward to hearing from you. Thanks! Kev

I am everything you are looking for and more because I am an actual starving artist at this point... chedderless = broke nick

I think I love you. Lori

On and on. The story goes. blah blah blah The chardonnay flows. Sas

Since coming across your ad on CraigsList.com, I have taken the time to research Ludwig Wittgenstein. Ill be recieving the books shortly, and am looking forward to fully understanding his philoshopical views. As far as the wouldnt mind living in a former bank buildingstatement, if it were intended to be taken literally, I love the idea. Im currently looking for a place to stay in the Seattle area that would allow my larger than life art projects to manifest here in the material world. This two-bedroom apt. in Lynnwood doesnt quite allow my creative expression to flow with the mediums I love to use. Otherwise, I fully understand the living at work concept due to the amount of overtime sacrificed to the oil refineries with my five-year former employer. Thank you for your time in reading this, I hope to hear from you in the near future... Sincerely, Eric

your a jackass. Tim

Greetings! This is the most interesting job description Ive come across in ages. I get the feeling you are describing someone you already know, but I thought Id give it a shot anyway. My name is James. I would very much like to know what this is all about. I can be reached via email. I look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely, James

Hi I am intrested in your add. I am primarily a jewelry artist, but I also do henna body art as well as some small sculpting, drawing and metalwork .I am primarily self taught , but i did take a design clas at pratt and art in high school. If you intrested please contact me at this email address. Thank You, Sherrie

This is by far the finest example of a clear vision of an artist and his/her potential destiny. I would fit very well in said description, I would be happy to speak with you about this oddessy if I could. Picasso, Duchamp set design very cool. Regards mike

but a little overwhelmed by the sheer wordiness of your craigs list post. hahaha...but yes i am an artist, have studied some, mostly self taught. am currently going through a screen printing phase. studied theater at a conservatory here in the city. i have set/costume/prop design experience. im an ex-marine so i have leadership experience and am excellent at collaborating with all sorts of people. i could go on and on but it would probably be better if i met or talked with you on the phone. blah! Benn

Hello! I came across your add on craigslist. to tell you the truth, ive never seen one like this before, so, naturally i have to respond.. i am a student from pratt institute and am looking for a job in my career field to help me jumpstart my career and get my feet wet. i need to be over worked and i want to expand my styles and experiment with media. my major is illustration and classes that i have taken so far reflect graphic deign, fine arts and communication design. i love to paint and collect garbage. hope i can know more about this job joan

would i fit in? youre dumb Norm

This job post is a work of art! Rob

seriously, fate is pointing its crooked finger right at me. for real. this sounds like such a good project. i have a strong feeling for this type of work. i am an outsider artist working in several mediums. last year i opened a conceptual art space in Prague. i study Dada and Surrealism for personal growth. i have a KILLER resume and letters of recommendations. please visit my site.if you are interested in me, id like to know more about you and this project. thx, liz

call me Karen

whats this all about? Cole

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