Speaking to students with Love and Logic

Ideas from Teaching with Love and Logic by Jim Fay and David Funk
Love and Logic Basic Principles:
Adapted for teachers by Chris Boreham

Share the control

Share the thinking

Balance consequences with empathy

Maintain self-concept

Apply Love and Logic by:

Using enforceable limits

Providing choices within limits

Applying consequences with empathy

Children learn from their mistakes when they experience consequences of their mistakes, and adults in their environment provide empathy CONSEQUENCES + EMPATHY = LEARNING

NOT WHAT DO I SAY, BUT WHAT DO I ASK? Use questions and wait time.

Make the students do the thinking and talking, you do the listening.
Magic Words and Phrases What would you like to happen? Would you like my thinking on that? Is it possible that..? How do you feel about..? Is there any chance that..? How do you suppose that might work? What do you think, I think? On a scale of 1-10, how good a decision do you think that was? Would you like to hear what others have tried? You can be proud of that! I bet youre disappointed in yourself. What do you think? Other statements to use in the classroom: Will you do that just for me? Thank you. (walk away) Will you stop doing that just for me? Thank you. (walk away) Ill be glad to listen to you when your voice sounds like mine. Youre welcome to --------- or ------------? You decide. Would you rather ---------- or -----------? You decide. I am happy to let you..when you have.. Feel free to do..as long as.. That kind of behaviour is not acceptable. I am going to do something about it. I dont know what it will be because Im teaching right now. Ill let you know what I decide in the morning/after class. Dont worry about it tonight/during the lesson. One Sentence Interventions: Build a relationship with difficult students by frequently speaking to them. Make them see your interest in them as a person. Start with: I noticed.(something positive and true).

STATEMENTS TO USE WITH STUDENTS After an incident, give students time to cool down. When they are in a more relaxed state, ask: What happened? How did you feel? What did you do? How did it work out? Investigating an issue: Can you explain what happened? What were some bad decisions you made? FOLLOW UP WITH What was the worst decision you made? FOLLOW UP WITH On a scale of 1-10, how great was that decision for you? Just because I like you, do you think I can let you get away with that? What do you think will happen if you keep doing that? FOLLOW-UP WITH What else? FOLLOW-UP WITH What else? FOLLOW-UP WITH Finish with - How sad, I bet that makes you feel unhappy. (show empathy) Avoid Power Struggles by using I statements 1. Describe whats happening (the situation) 2. Describe how, as a teacher and person, it makes you feel 3. Identify the tangible effect of the persons behaviour Not sure who is lying about an incident? Try What do you think Im thinking right now? FOLLOW-UP WITH And why do you think I think that? Student refusal: Did I ask you in a nice way? Would you mind.. Would you consider. Persistent liars: What do you think I think about this? When I hear stores from you, which I later find out are untrue, it takes the fun out of listening to what you have to say. CONSEQUENCE GUIDELINES 1. Make the consequences as close in time to the infraction as possible 2. Give the child the chance to come up with the solution/decision making (consequence) 3. Administer with calm interest 4. Give them the chance to come up with a plan for their behaviour 5. Let students make their own value judgments 6. Demonstrate problems solving techniques 7. Allow students to feel empowered Setting consequences: What can you do to fix this problem? See if you can come up with several consequences. Ill come back in a few minutes and choose one. Would you like to hear what other kids have tried? Here is an idea for a consequence.-------------- Maybe you can think of another one you like better. Ill get back to you when youve had time to think. You are welcome to go back when you have a plan of action. Take your time. And how will that work? You might want to speak to your parents in case I need to call them. Im sure theyd rather hear it from you rather than me. I hope it works out for you. Try not to worry about this overnight. We will discuss it in the morning. (they will of course) What are you going to do next time? Good luck I hope that works out.