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Contents...
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Whatever happened to
Thessalonius Loyola?
A quick look at the root of Kaos 2
ego
What ls the meanlng of the unlversal symbollsm
of death and reblrth? 3
The Way of the Siddhis
Evolutlonary stages of maglck 4
To Catch a Duppy
A look at |amalcan maglck 6
Kaos Resources
A few cool thlngs on the Internet 8
Magick, Ecstacy & the uest
Is control the central theme of maglck? 9
Banishing Badfolk on a Budget
Whats cooklng ln Hannlbals kltchen? 15
OMENS
A true omen manlfests more llke a klck ln the head 17
Banish with Laughter
A few thlngs for after the rltual 20
Send comments/submissions to
Frater Atlatyl or Soror Cuculus
Cover illustration by Frater Cryptek
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W
ell, where ls he? For those of you who dont know,
"Thess was a deep lnfluence on one of our best
known and lnfluentlal hermlts: Ray Sherwln.
In hls book: Theatre of Maglck, Sherwlns tlme wlth
Thess ls very much a "The Sun also Rlses type approach
to thlngs maglckal:
We spent our time walking, usually in silence, eating,
usually in silence, and talking, refreshing ourselves as
we did so with the peculiar local wine of which we drank
an alarming quantity each evening. The subject of these
talks was rarely magick in the sense that l would have
previously used the word, but slowly the pieces began to
come ...
Hold that thought! -- Parallel path:
ln J976 in an abandoned ammunition dump dug deep
into a mountain somewhere in the Rhineland, two magi-
cians, one English, one Cerman, announced the forma-
tion of a magical order with the celebration of a Mass of
Chaos in the company of a couple of dozen other magi-
cians. 5oon after we emerged from the bowels of the
mountain a localized tornado hit the immediate area.
This was but a small portent of things to come.
Indeed.
Thls hlstorlc beglnnlng hlt the maglckal scene llke a
pebble ln a pond, wlth rlpples growlng lnto an ever-
wldenlng clrcle of Kaos.
Slnce then the Kaos current has grown lnto a number
of organlzatlons and numerous solltary lndlvlduals
wrecklng havoc on the unlverse. The growth of the
Internet has accelerated that growth to monumental
proportlons - and monumental dlscord.
Some groups have fared better than others ln these
ensulng stuggles, but one thlng remalns: such thlngs as
anger, |ealousy and polltlcs are a dlstractlon from what
were really trylng to accompllsh.
As Kaos maglck becomes more and more "status
quo, we have a new challenge ahead of us - keeplng
focused on those thlngs that Kaos has always stood for:
Cuttlng past the sllly bullshlt that manklnd seems com-
pelled to ln|ect lnto everythlng we do.
In short, we need to slt back, relax and say: "Thess,
pass me some more wlne...
Wbatever bappened to
TbessaIonIus LoyoIa?
Atoty
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T
he ego ls the personallty. It ls all
we thlnk we are. Conversely, lt ls
all we thlnk we are not. We feel
that thls thlng whlch glves us character,
deflnltlon, lmportance, contlnulty and
solldlty ls the only thlng ln the unlverse
to hold onto.
It ls all we seem to have and be.
We act always to defend and bolster
lt. Everythlng we flnd ourselves
dolng, we try to normallse wlth the
lmage of ourselves. Thls lmage ls not
even of our own chooslng, but ls
gradually accumulated from the
expectatlons of our soclety, masters, rela-
tlves and frlends.
The most herolc ego ls a pathetlc flgure.
A sorry facade of llluslon and self-decelts
llmplng from one llttle lmaglned success or
gratlflcatlon to the next. Evadlng and dlsgulslng to ltself
lts lmaglned shortcomlngs and shoddy compromlses.
The actual llmltatlons of the organlsm are unlmportant.
The confllct ls between what the ego afflrms and denles.
In many respects the ego suffers from belng cast too
small.
Worst of all are the long perlods of threatenlng noth-
lngness and the desperate search to flll them wlth some-
thlng to whlch attachment can be made. Even en|oy-
ment ls a despollatlon. The en|oyed becomes a mere
appendage of the ego. We are the slaves of our past.
Our every act ls dlctated by the lmage of what we thlnk
we are. As the years advance, the angulshed cry, "Gods,
ls there no end to the slckenlng taste of me? ls heard.
Can one resurrect the dead?
The sage ls not human-hearted
The sage ls not lnhuman hearted
The sage has lost everythlng
Yet what remalns?
When the dlstortlng of the I ls shattered, the llght
enters wlth the freshness of chlldhood. Everythlng ls
agaln ltself and not me-contamlnated. Free from the
chalns of I the llfe force leaps agaln ln |oyful spontanelty.
How ls thls Egotomy to be performed?
Self-abnegatlon, humlllty and charlty are questlonable
maneuvers, often more productlve of fresh concelt.
There ls no vlrtue ln vlrtue.
What is the meaning of the universal
symbolism of death and rebirth?
Come to me and I will kill you,
sayeth the Wizard. The enemy is the
self-image.
ego
Peter [. Corro
Continued on poge 8
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Tbe Way
oI tbe
SIddbIs
T
he Western Occult tradltlon ls a shambles because the
oral tradltlon has been broken and become dlvorced
from the llterary tradltlon.
In the West, the Maglckal art has devolved to the
polnt where the fallure of desultory attempts to produce
occult results by uncertaln means has led practltloners to
exalt the most meagre, mystlc phenomena ln thelr place.
The pursult of power has lost lts sclence and noblllty,
and confused ltself wlth rellglon and other elements.
The most frultful work done by modern maglclans has
conslsted of thelr efforts to revltallse the tradltlon wlth
technlques drawn from the llvlng systems of the East.
The Slddhls are the eastern name for the occult magl-
cal powers. These are usually mentloned as arlslng as
by-products of rellglous and mystlcal actlvltles.
In thls context they are usually dlsmlssed as ultl-
mately worthless or actually harmful as
traps for the ego. However, the relatlon of
power to knowledge and wlsdom need not
always be negatlve.
Power for lts own sake, and not as a
personallty crutch, can be a valld path to
the supreme reallty. The greater powers
demand the ralslng of the whole man ln perfect balance
to the power of lnflnlty.
The Western Maglclan ls at a stupendous dlsadvan-
tage. By hls unalded wlll he must overcome hls sloth, hls
reason, hls ego and the cloylng reslstance of hls mlnd to
lettlng go of the dualltles whlch conflne lt. He must also
cobble together a modus operandl from books wrltten
mostly for proflt or self-gratlflcatlon.
Some of the flner polnts of the great Work wlll be
consldered ln further artlcles, but followlng ls a general
draft of a posslble path. It has been dlvlded for conve-
nlence sake lnto the very sacred prlnclple of flves, the
supreme pentad whlch rules the Cosmos OK.
Academlcs may dellght lts elemental symmetrles.
0 Neophytus Nulllcus ls one sufflclently fortunate to
have hls attentlon turned to occult matters by spontane-
ous, mystlcal experlences - seelng a ghost, wltnesslng
pecullar rltuals, drugs, or even readlng Dennls Wheatley.
He ls most llkely to remaln where he ls, dabbllng wlth
mere ldeas untll hls lnterest exhausts ltself.
1 Novltlate Practlcus feels goaded to overcome the
sloth of hls belng for reasons as dlverse as the promlse
of occult powers, lmprovement of health, mental calm or
splrltual development. He beglns some sort of occult
practlce.
He may go rlght off the deep end lmmedlately and be
apprehended wlth plck and shovel ln Hlghgate Cemetery.
He should have lald off the Walte and Wheatley.
However, presumlng he gets down to the more sober
Peter [. Corro
The most fruitful work done by modern magicians
has consisted of their efforts to revitalise the
tradition with techniques drawn from the living
systems of the East.
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work of yoga medltatlon, elemental vlslons, slmple rltual
and vlsuallsatlon; he may expect several results.
The mlnd and body begln to work better as the wlll
becomes dlsclpllned and leaves them to functlon wlthout
lnterference. Concentratlon and the capaclty for self-
determlnatlon also lncrease.
The Practlcus ls llkely to remaln where he ls, en|oylng
the frults of a llttle medltatlon; untll he takes the beneflts
for granted and sllps back to hls orlglnal condltlon.
2 Wlzard Maleflcus Mlnor ls one who manages to let
go of hls reason long enough to test the absurdlst hy-
potheses of Maglck.
He may be helped ln thls lf hls prellmlnary medlta-
tlons have had blzarre or pecullar elements. Out of
curloslty, greed or for the hell of lt, he trles to produce
some result.
Because the Unlverse ls an lnflnltely more complex
lnstltutlon than reason allows, he wlll, wlth perslstence,
obtaln effects. Nevertheless, lgnorance ensures that hls
efforts wlll be a catalogue of dlsasters of both the suc-
cess and fallure varlety.
Any successes drlve hlm lnto some varlety of sorcery.
Even the best-lntentloned acts sprlng from personal
conslderatlons.
He may eventually get hls extravagances under some
control and remaln a reasonably competent sorcerer,
plylng hls uncertaln arts ln a llttle dlvlnatlon and manlpu-
latlon.
3 Wlzard Exemptus ls lmpelled onward by the momen-
tum of prevlous dlsasters or the thlrst for knowledge. He
flnds that further progress ln Maglck demands loss of the
Ego.
It ls the Ego, whlch causes attachment to pettlness,
and grounds the maglclan ln acts of emotlonal gratlflca-
tlon. From the uncertaln arts of sorcery, he rlses above
personal conslderatlons to the sclence of the Otherworld;
explorlng the Astral Double, therlomorphlsm (shape
shlftlng), the Kundallnl or body chl energy
and congress wlth splrlt forces.
Though hls power now becomes great,
he no longer employs lt ln lll-consldered
acts of lnterference ln the world of men.
4 Parabatrochus. He ls greater than the
wlnds, and breezes ln and out of the otherworld as he
wllls. Free of all llmltatlon.
Originally published in Thanateros" Magazine by
Morton Press, Ul.
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cultures. In |amalca, destructlve behav-
lor ls usually referred to as "Obeah.
The word Obeah ls thought to have
been derlved from the Ibo word "Ublo,
whlch translates as "a charm to cause slckness and
death.
Mr. Seaga, ln hls "Revlval Cults of |amalca, deflnes
Obeah as ".the use of the splrlt for destructlve pur-
poses.
In |amalca, the Patols word for Duppy refers to that
part of the human phenomenon that may llnger wlthln
consensus reallty. The Duppy, sometlmes referred to as
the "llvlng dead, may appear ln consensus reallty ln
Motthev [oneo Corvoho
To Catcb
a Duppy
Magico-religious behavior
generally takes on two forms,
destructive or constructive. The
constructive behavior may be called
healing across
human form, lndlstlngulshable
from llvlng human belngs.
They may also appear ln
dreams. Most people have
seen the movle "Poltergelst.
Catchlng the Duppy represents
the |amalcan verslon of ma-
nlpulatlng poltergelst-type
energles or splrlts to make
them do what you want them
to.
A practltloner of Obeah wlll,
when the need arlses and upon
lnstructlon of an Obeahman,
go to a graveyard and flnd the
grave of someone newly dead.
The practltloner presses a
calabash stlck lnto the dlrt at
the head of the grave and
pours freshly brewed coffee lnto
the grave. She or he then places
a bowl of freshly cooked rlce ln the
ml d d l e area of the grave and reads Psalm 21 out
aloud. The appearance of a puff of smoke slgnals that
the rltual has succeeded.
Those who have caught the Duppy may now ask lt to
perform certaln tasks.
It may happen that the one who caught the Duppy
cannot "hold lt, whlch results ln the duppy "runnlng
amuck, so to speak. |amalcans often attrlbute accl-
dents, bad-luck streaks and other such twlsts of fate to
Illustration by Scott Ferry
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some form of spell-castlng, whlch requlre the servlces of
an Obeah Seer or a "four-eyed man (two eyes to see ln
thls - our own consensus reallty, and two eyes to see lnto
that other-world or splrlt world).
Uslng technlques of dlvlnatlon lndlgenous to
Pukkumlna and/or Obeah, the Obeahman determlnes the
source of the bad luck or unfortunate twlst of fate and
glves the questloner a reclpe that wlll flx the sltuatlon. It
then falls upon the questloner to go to the drugstore or
pharmacy and obtaln the ltems, and then carry out the
reclpe obtalned from the Obeahman. Thls may lnvolve
catchlng another duppy ln order that splrlt may flght
agalnst splrlt, lf necessary.
The word Obeah is thought to have been
derived from the Ibo word Ubio, which
translates as a charm to cause sickness
and death.
The Obeah tradltlon glves dogs the ablllty to see
Duppys (whlch may explaln the rldlculous amount of
barklng the dogs seem to do ln the Hope Pastures area of
Klngston), whlle holdlng the appearance of a frog ln any
sltuatlon as a message or omen.
Whether the omen or message carrles a portent of
good or lll wlll, remalns open to lnterpretatlon, and an
Obeah Seers skllls are consldered as real as a doctors
or a psychlatrlsts.
Whlle Obeah ls a source of amuslng conversatlon for
the mlddle class, for the poor and rural areas lt remalns
"an lmportant aspect of |amalcan splrltual and cultural
reallty.
"As hls slave ancestors, ln the equally frlghtenlng
envlronment of the plantatlon, used the rlch panorama of
thelr Afrlcan rellglous practlces and bellefs as a means of
splrltual empowerment and survlval, (the worker) uses
Obeah as (a) coplng mechanlsm to sur-
vlve....
An lnterestlng feature of Obeah lles ln
the steps taken to lnsure that the splrlt of
the dead can never serve for someone
elses galn. Obeah calls thls "tylng the
duppy. The rope used to lower the coffln
lnto the grave remalns burled wlth the deceased. When
the corn beglns to grow, the duppy ls thus "tled to the
grave.
Obeah also provldes varlous methods of protectlon
from duppys, such as the burnlng of red and black
candles and the leavlng of water and rum standlng ln
glasses. Slnce Duppys fear sand, those who wlsh to
protect themselves from a duppy spread sand ln
entryways and hang horseshoes over doorways. An ear
of corn washed ln "dead mans blood and hung behlnd a
door protects a place from the unwanted attentlon of
Duppys. Rearranglng the furnlture of the house or
changlng the color of ones nlghtclothes serves to "fool
the Duppy.
Obeah takes lts roots from the Maccabee Blble, one of
the portlons of text removed from the chrlstlanlzed/
sanltlzed verslon of the blble known and sometlmes read
today. In |amalca, the possesslon of the Maccabee Blble
can result ln a ten-year prlson sentence, as Obeah re-
malns lllegal ln |amalca. The churches there rant and
rave about how Obeah ls black maglc and how lt ls evll.
But when thlngs are amlss, members of those same
congregatlons llne up outslde the house of an Obeah-
man or woman at 5am, ln antlclpatlon of the Obeah-
person beglnnlng work at 9am. The parlshes of St.
Thomas, St. Mary and Clarendon have a hlgh concentra-
tlon of Obeah men and women ln Montego Bay, Flankers
and St. Marys. Many people ln the U.S. come to |amalca
to consult wlth an Obeah Seer when tradltlonal optlons ln
the U.S. have been exhausted.
The Western, post-modern mlnd does not necessarlly
accept thlngs llke Obeah at face value. I have learned
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that Obeah may be an aspect of the
larger Pukkumlna tradltlon. To explore
Obeah outslde the context of Pukkumlna
may be to shortchange the tradltlon, but I
have attempted to concentrate only on
the Obeah aspect. I have no doubt that
bellef structures reallty. To belleve ln
Obeah, Voudoun, Santerla, Icelandlc
Shamanlsm, Hlndulsm, the Southern
Baptlsts breed of Chrlstlanlty or the fact
that one can experlence full possesslon
Obeah takes its roots from the Maccabee
Bible, one of the portions of text removed
from the christianized/sanitized version of
the bible known and sometimes read today.
(wltnessed by others) by a flctlonal delty,
can glve bellef power beyond words;
whlch serves to make a llvlng, functlonal
aspect of our body-mlnds structurlng of
perceptlon.
Bibliography and Sources:
1 Delroy Woodley, Personal conver-
satlon;
2 Degazon-|ohnson, Roll, "Obeah: A
Study of Superstltlon and Labour Man-
agement Relatlons ln |amalca. The
Carlbbean Labour |ournal;
3 Seaga, Edward, "Revlval Cults ln
|amalca. Instltute of |amalca.
The sage then appears:
Unworthy, for he seeks not the approval of others.
Foollsh, for he would rather see hlmself proved wrong.
Inconstant, for he remalns fluld and changes at wlll.
Negllgent for he offers no excuses for hlmself.
Flckle, for he changes hls bellefs as he wlll.
Insubstantlal, for he has lost hls lmportance and
gravlty.
Morbld, for hls death advlses hlm constantly.
Almless, for he acts wlthout lust of result.
Inslncere, for he ls only playlng at belng hlmself.
Insane, for he laughs lnwardly at everythlng.
Stupld, for he dellghts ln maklng a fool of hlmself.
Originally published in Thanateros" by Morton Press,
Ul.
ego: continued
Kaos resources
Web sites
IOT Americas Home Page
The Autonomatrix
Tools of Chaos
Mailing lists
Chaos-l List
Zee List
Ax List
Webrings:
Aepelizage: Ring of Chaos
The Ring of Chaos Magicians
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T
he very last thlng any wrltlng can communlcate may
be the thlng lt most urgently wants to. Wrltlng can be
a serles of gnoses ln ltself, and by the very nature of
the process, I cannot communlcate the most ecstatlc states
that went lnto that process. As Godels Theorem would
predlct, lt seems that ln order to make general statements
about maglck, you have to be "outslde lt, ln a meta-set of
maglck. Maglck then becomes a subset of the wrlters
consclousness, ldentlfled by certaln speclflcs. What are
those speclflcs?
The exlstence of maglck presupposes varlous thlngs,
the most obvlous belng the matter of control. Maglck ls
deflned as: causlng change to occur ln conformlty wlth
wlll, expandlng your achlevable reallty, the pursult of
power, and so on. All these deflnltlons presuppose
control as the central theme ln maglck. Thls ls all flne
and good, but lt lllustrates that maglck cannot address
lssues outslde of the sphere of control.
These are lssues that are usually chunked up lnto
mystlclsm, and neglected or anathematlsed by serlous
maglclans. Thls ls a mlstake, because the half of our
quallty of experlence ls dependent upon our ablllty to let
go, stop worrylng, stop controlllng and en|oy. Llonel
Snell, ln a lecture ln 1993 (Thelemlc Symposlum, Oxford,
UK), tackled the very polnt : that, whatever our degree of
control of clrcumstances, the outcome ls not guaranteed
to please us.
He used to lllustrate thls duallty the tarot trumps of
The Maglclan and The Fool. The Maglclan represents
Control, The Fool - Ecstasy. The Maglclan would llke to
have perfect control over the unlverse, everythlng golng
accordlng to plan; The Fool, a mystlc, welghtless klnd of
bllss.
Between these two extremes, all maglck ls performed.
Ecstasy ls the basls of gnosls; wlthout the counterbal-
ance of focussed wlll, lt slldes off lnto unstructured fun.
Control ls the basls of maglckal structures, deflnlng ones
wlll ln a glven sltuatlon, but wlthout ecstasy lt doesnt
go. Wlthout a tank full of gnosls, the maglckal vehlcle
wlll not run.
The baslc exerclses of maglck bulld a stolldlty, a
Dove Lee
The existence of magick presupposes
various things, the most obvious being the
matter of control.
MagIck, Ecstasy
and tbe Quest
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strong wlll. Completlng a good, baslc tralnlng course ln
maglck marks one out as someone who can perslst when
the golng gets tedlous, by sheer bloody-mlndedness.
Thls self-dlsclpllne comes lnto dynamlc tenslon wlth
flexlblllty of bellef, and together, these are the
maglclans core assets.
Let us take one of the deflnltlons of maglck : the
pursuit of power. In the context of maglck, what ls
be mlsleadlng; we mlght be tempted to
pass off a sensatlon of physlcal energy or
of extreme dlsorlentatlon alone as ad-
equate gnoses and be puzzled at the
fallure of our sorcery. The physlcal lmage
of maglcal power has a further drawback: lt
suggests pushlng agalnst some reslstance.
The reslstance most usually encountered ln maglck
orlglnates ln the wlzards own mlnd, and the harder he
pushes agalnst that, the harder lt wlll push back.
Thls ls the paradox of Lust of Result and the sorcerer
must apply cunnlng to clrcumvent lt and succeed ln hls
enchantments. So, rlgldlty ls a menace to real effectlve-
ness. The Daolsts understood thls. Power ls more llke a
flow condltlon, where the maglclan sllps easlly from one
reallty to another, taklng hls unlverse wlth hlm.
Therefore, maglck can be seen as the pursult of power
vla the dynamlc tenslon between ecstasy and control.
There are plenty of other ways of deflnlng maglck, but as
stated above, they wlll all lmply control.
So, what are the boundarles of maglck? Many chaos
maglclans have tended to take the vlew that maglck =
sorcery: l.e. lf lt doesnt have some sort of result ln con-
sensus reallty; lt alnt maglck, but mystlclsm or rellglon.
To glve a counter-example, adherents of Thelema as
practlsed by the OTO are practlslng rellglon, mystlclsm
and maybe sorcery, and subsumlng lt all under the term
maglck. In order to clarlfy thls lssue, a few deflnltlons:-
1. Rellglon: A set of bellefs and meta-bellefs that
say deflnlte thlngs about llfe, ethlcs, the unlverse and
perfectlon, and that thereby glve the adherent a sense of
belonglng ln the unlverse;
2. Mystlclsm: The body of phllosophy and tech-
nlques deslgned to recover ecstatlc, unltary consclous-
ness. Thls experlence ls sought because lt leads to a
gnosls of completeness, wholeness - the ultlmate peak
experience, as psychologlst Abraham Maslow called lt. It
So, what are the boundaries of magick?
Many chaos magicians have tended to take
the view that magick =sorcery: i.e. if it
doesnt have some sort of result in consen-
sus reality; it aint magick, but mysticism or
religion.
power? Power ls the ablllty to do thlngs. The more
"horsepower or kllowatts an englne has, the more work
lt can do ln a glven tlme.
When we do maglc, we may employ a physlcally
demandlng gnosls, such as danclng or drummlng for
prolonged tlmes, and make some connectlon between
our sweated work and our maglcal power. In our astral
lmagery we mlght vlsuallse ourselves growlng, swelllng,
throbblng, shlnlng, crackllng, glowlng wlth some sort of
maglcal ablllty.
Our vlsuallsatlon of power ln that lnstance ls based on
lmages of physlcal power. The analogy of maglckal to
physlcal power ls extremely llmltlng. The pourlng of
work lnto any rltual can only enhance lts maglcal effec-
tlveness by the contrlbutlon that the work makes to the
maglckal trance or lntenslty of gnosls.
Even the notlon of an lntenslty scale for gnosls could
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ls sought for lts own sake, though attalnment of lt lnvarl-
ably results ln a revlslon of ones ldentlty. The unltary
consclousness can be ldentlfled wlth the experlence of
the non-local quantum mind, uncondltloned awareness;
3. Sorcery: Maklng thlngs happen ln consensus
reallty accordlng to wlll;
4. Self-transformatlon: Maklng thlngs happen to
consclousness accordlng to wlll.
Thls latter category glves us problems. Thls type of
maglck ls deflned by Pete Carroll as lllumination, whlch
he subsumes under Enchantment, as ln enchantment
upon the selves. However, once we start talklng about
changes ln the selves, we are talklng about states of
consclousness that can operate upon other states of
consclousness.
The operatlng state sounds susplclously llke the Holy
Guardlan Angel lf we dltch the usual metaphyslcs assocl-
ated wlth that concept, and lf the deslred result of the
Illumlnatlon maglck ls openness to ecstatlc states, then
that would be mystlclsm, wouldnt lt? These themes are
explored further ln Chaotopial So, what are our deflnl-
tlons of maglck?
CARVlNG UP THE BEAST
Maglck ls llke a multldlmenslonal entlty, a concept so
large that lt touches everythlng. By lts very nature, most
of lt ls hldden ln the domaln of the mystery, eternally
pursued by the questlng mlnd. A system ls a set of
structures wlthln that lncomprehenslble hypersurface; an
Aeon ls a sllce through lt.
There ls no absolutely, satlsfactory system, meta-
system or meta-meta-system. At best, a book on maglck
ls an evaluatlon of technlque wrapped around a bellev-
able meta-model. We all cut through the beast at an
angle declded by our obsesslons, and that ls exactly
what I shall be dolng. The questlon I ask when I come
across a theory ls: What use can l get out
of this?
Maglck ls a dellcate art wlth a low suc-
cess-rate, at least lnltlally. The motlvatlon
for lt ls non-ordlnary; generally, lf I can do
somethlng wlthout maglck, I wlll. Maglck
stretches your boundarles, glves a sense and an lntelll-
gence to llfe, allows the development of purpose.
We choose our worlds all the tlme; we afflrm or deny
some fact or other many tlmes a day. A maglclan ls
careful how she does thls - lt ls preclsely how we hold
together our reallty.
Consclously or not, we are always chooslng bellefs.
+=IIEBEA@ )@I
send your free quarterly classlfleds to:
atlatyl@geocltles.com
buy, trade, personals, slglls ... send em all. Classlfleds are
restrlcted to non buslness entrles only.
Contributiono oought
We are looklng for a few good mages to contrlbute
artwork, rltuals or maglcal comentary for publlcatlon.
We reserve the rlght to edlt for spelllng, grammar and
content.
Rlghts to contrlbuted work remaln the property of
the wrlter/artlst. Length of contrlbuted wrltlng should
be no more than 4-5 typed pages. Art should be ln
relatlvely good taste.
Submlsslons that slur or otherwlse demean race,
bellef, worklng group, etc. wlll not be consldered.
12
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We tell ourselves storles about who we are and what the
world ls ln relatlon to us. Chaos maglclans use whatever
bellef system enables and facllltates maglck at the tlme.
Generally, the bellef wlll wear out as the crltlc ln you
latches onto lts flaws. Thls partlally explalns the phe-
nomenon of beglnners luck ln maglck - when I flrst
started dolng sorcery, I had a great run of successes.
Then lt stopped. It was a whlle before I reallzed I had
punctured my own nalvete and had to thlnk (dammlt!)
agaln, come up wlth a new bellef shlft whlch would re-
enable my sorcery.
Sophlstlcatlon can be paln ln the arse. As we get
more consclous of thls process, the effects get more
obvlous, and we are forced to choose our bellefs ever
model of maglckal actlvlty, utlllzlng Austln
Spares concept of organic belief:
1) SELECTlON OF OUTCOME ==>
2) GNOSlS ==>
3) EMBEDDlNG OF NEW (ORGANlC)
BELlEF ==>
4) EFFECT OF ORGANlC BELlEF
ON CONSENSUS REALlTY
Careful and preclse selectlon of outcomes ls vltally
lmportant, but the technlques for dolng so exlst ln the
realm of mundane psychology. Gnosls means altered
state of consciousness, whlch ls llkely to be a famlllar
concept to any reader of thls book.
The embeddlng of organlc bellef ls the trlcky blt: the
mlnd has to be presented wlth the parameters of the new
reallty you want ln a way whlch does not confllct wlth the
bellefs already ln the unconsclous. Bellef becomes
organlc lf presented to the unconsclous mlnd ln a con-
gruent way, embedded wlthln an appeallng paradlgm.
A powerful gnosls can shatter the bonds of bellef, but
the maglck ls vltlated by unconsclous reslstance to the
lmpllcatlons of the new bellef, unless the mlnd has been
prepared, olled as lt were, by the most appeallng para-
dlgm shlft.
When we alm our paradlgm shlfts wlth subtle accu-
racy, we may flnd that we are capable of a much more
powerful maglckal actlon or we may achleve the same
result wlth only half the straln and twlce the pleasure.
To use Spares phrase, we are maklng our own sacred
alignments, homlng ln on the polnt ln consclousness that
makes the maglck posslble ln that moment. Unconsclous
reslstance ls undoubtedly the commonest cause of
maglckal fallure.
Thls makes the selectlon of bellef a ma|or theme ln
more carefully. Thls ls when we start to have strong
oplnlons about what meta-bellefs to hold, when we start
to construct our own Chaotopla. Chaotopla ls nelther
Utopla nor lts opposlte. It ls what Austln Spare called,
the chaos of the normal, seen through an lllumlnated eye
- the eye of the sorcerer.
Thls ls also the polnt where we can be sald to be
understandlng the patterns of our true wlll. The unl-
verse, ln the gulse of our own unconsclous/greater mlnd,
presents us wlth llmltatlons llke the above. These crlses
lnvlte us to |ump us out of obsolete frames of reference
lnto new creatlve approaches.
Amongst the hordes of deflnltlons of maglck, the one I
llke best at present ls: The technologles of organlc bellef.
Thls forms the basls of a very generallzed and slmpllfled
To use Spares phrase, we are making our
own sacred alignments, homing in on the
point in consciousness that makes the
magick possible in that moment.
13
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enabllng or dlsabllng your maglck.
It ls also the area ln whlch most controversy takes
place, thereby the most lnterestlng reason for whlch
books on maglck contlnue to be wrltten.
ECSTASY AND THE UEST
I mentloned above the notlon of bellef systems wear-
lng out. There ls more than one reason why thls hap-
pens, lt ls also a mechanlsm by whlch the wlzard ls
forced to evolve. What forces thls?
Phll Hlne has polnted out that engaglng ln gnosls for
sorcery eventually has the effect of reprogrammlng the
selves, even lf there had only been lntentlon to repro-
gram ones consensus reallty (sorcery) before.
In other words, the maglclan ls forced by an accumu-
latlon of transpersonal gnoses to revlse hls concepts of
who he ls and what he wants to be.
At the top of the slmple hlerarchy of needs (Maslow,
Dllts) lles the mystery that some have called a tangled
hierarchy, whlch generates lndlvldual consclousness out
of the quantum plenum, out of unlversal mlnd.
Repeated experlence of hlgher states of consclous-
ness eventually leads to some experlence of the core
paradox of lndlvldual belng.
The mlnd starts asklng questlons llke:
Why do l come down?
Why dont we just get ecstatic when weve finished
our days work?
What is the origin of individual consciousness?
Why does the ego keep wittering on in its tedious
internal monologues of past-oriented identity, and what
can l do about it?
How can l get back to unconditioned mind?
The occaslonal extra blt of money, sex, personal
power, heallng, no longer satlsfy; everythlng ls muddled
by the taste of the ego. Transformatlon
becomes urgent.
TRUE WlLL VERSUS
RANDOM BELlEF
Pete Carroll (ln Llber Null, 2
nd
edltlon) ls
at palns to banlsh the notlon of True Wlll ln favour of
Random Bellef, and denles that there ls any guldlng
prlnclple to declslon-maklng other than consclous or
unconsclous lmpulse. To experlence and appreclate
randomness as a gulde to actlon, Carroll recommends
Dlce-Llvlng and Random Bellef exerclses.
Why do we percelve the egos endless demands as so
slckenlng? It sounds to me llke a case of what has been
descrlbed as option anxiety, the paralysls felt when one
ls confronted wlth cholces. Thls ls one of the endemlc
slcknesses of the postmodern world, and lts cure ls not
randomlzatlon of bellefs or behavlour; that ls |ust glvlng
up on the burden of chooslng.
You cannot achleve release from a system whllst uslng
that system - Godels theorem agaln. Random bellef
exerclses are excellent tralnlng modules; they asslst
decondltlonlng. They are obvlously not a basls for a
regular way of llfe, and ln fact, the exerclses tend to
teach you what your real values are.
So, what do we need to know ln order to make decl-
slons? Flrstly, we need to have a basls for maklng the
declslon. In other words, we need to know our criteria.
Thls generallzes lnto our values, whlch are more unlver-
sal klnds of crlterla. Secondly, we need to know the
relatlonshlp of our values and crlterla to the partlcular
declslon we are contemplatlng.
These thlngs can be known by a comblnatlon of loglc
and lntrospectlon. What needs emphaslzlng ls that the
lntrospectlon part of the process lnvolves checklng for
the slgnals ln your body and feellngs when you explore
each ldea; your lntultlon, once you have learned to llsten
to lt, wlll provlde you wlth the answers. For a taste of
14
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thls klnd of thlng try the followlng exerclse:
RECOGNlZlNG CONGRUENCE
SlGNALS
Get lnto a relaxed posture and ask your unconsclous lf
lts llstenlng. You wlll probably get a sensatlon of some
klnd, thls ls a congruence slgnal. Now repeat to yourself
a deslre-sentence about whlch you have some doubt or
fear.
You may experlence a dlfferent sensatlon, whlch may
be an lncongruent slgnal. Experlment wlth dlfferent
formulatlons of the deslre-sentence untll you feel qulte a
dlfferent sensatlon.
In a world ruled by change, the mode of
expresslon of your true wlll ls bound to
shlft.
The problem wlth thls deflnltlon ls that
you can never artlculate thls grand deslgn
ln any clarlty, because that artlculatlon ln
ltself would llmlt your responslveness to
new sltuatlons. A useful operatlonal deflnltlon of true
wlll ls: the vector sum of all your desires at any given
moment.
Thls deflnltlon assumes nothlng about the future
course of your llfe and can only glve you a snapshot of
your Wlll, frozen ln tlme. However, thls Wlll-of-the-mo-
ment ls all you can know, at any glven tlme, about your
wlll; thus lt ls perfect for that moment. Thls form of wlll
can be ellclted uslng congruence slgnals any tlme you
need to.
The above type of procedure brlngs the consclous and
unconsclous deslres lnto allgnment by lnvltlng the un-
consclous totallty to express ltself. Thls wlll result ln a
conslderable strengthenlng of ones lntultlon.
It becomes lncreaslngly posslble to steer ones llfe by
the feel of sltuatlons - all the lnformatlon about any
declslon ls present ln the feellngs of the body, lf one can
only learn to lnterpret and trust them. At varlous polnts
ln ones maglckal development, lt ls unavoldable that, ln
order to attaln llberatlon from past clrcumstances and
condltlonlng, one feels totally alone and ln opposltlon to
the world.
A background of work wlth consclous-unconsclous
congruence glves one the strength of certalnty, whlch
enables acceptance of ones own terrlble unlqueness,
ones burden of freedom, the Monstrous Soul.
Edltors note:
This article is adapted from Dave Lees latest book,
CHAOTOPlAl Now available.
(http://www.execpc.com/-discord/iot/products.htm)
It becomes increasingly possible to steer
ones life by the feel of situations - all the
information about any decision is present
in the feelings of the body, if one can only
learn to interpret and trust them.
When you are confldent that thls ls a congruence
slgnal, you wlll have formulated a
congruent deslre. If you perslst wlth such technlques,
lt becomes rather llke dowslng.
Some form of congruence testlng ls a powerful tool for
maglck because you have at your dlsposal the entlre
commlttee of selves whenever you want to clarlfy your
wlll.
A rather vague deflnltlon of true wlll mlght be: the
driving force behind the grand sweep of your life.
However, unless you belleve ln a determlnlstlc (19
th
Century) unlverse, there ls no room for a determlnlstlc
notlon of your destlny.
15
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E
arller thls year, a frlend of mlne asked me to asslst her
ln a banlshlng or breaklng of bonds rlte. She shall be
hereafter referred to as Cllent S, and those whom she
wlshed to be rld of as Sub|ects: A, B, C, D, and E.
Cllent S has a falr degree of maglcal experlence so we
planned the rlte together. Our flrst ldeas lnvolved dolng
some symbollc bond-breaklng uslng ltems that held
dlrect llnks between Cllent S, and A, B, C, D and E. Pho-
tographs, letters they had glven to Cllent S or even
scraps of thelr clothlng or halr.
Wlth an assurance that Cllent S could provlde some-
thlng sultable we made the arrangements for the rltual,
booked the baby-sltters and clrcled the date on the
calendar ln red lnk. Everythlng was set to go.
Is lt |ust me or does everyone suffer from thls sort of
setback? Come the appolnted day, at the appolnted
hour, Cllent S arrlves wlth no sub|ect llnks at all. As I dld
not know all of sub|ects: A, B, C, D and E, there was llttle
I could do to change the sltuatlon. "Tlme to lmprovlse, I
thought.
A lot of my maglc relles upon lmprovlsatlon. Thls ls
not due to a wlllful re|ectlon of standard ceremonlal
maglc nor a dellberate drlve toward dlscordlanlsm. It
seems to arlse out of sheer necesslty as lf by accldent.
What has become slgnlflcant ls how many tlmes the
contents of my kltchen cupboard have saved the day. In
thls lnstance, after a qulck rummage through the cup-
board under the slnk and checklng the blscult tln, we
were back on course for the rltual.
Our lngredlents lncluded a 27 pence pack of Nettos
glnger blscults, a red, checked dlshcloth, a chopplng-
board, a hammer and a black marker-pen.
We began the evenlngs work wlth the Gnostlc Penta-
gram Banlshlng Rltual and then made our statement of
lntent: "It ls our wlll to break all emotlonal and lntellec-
tual bonds between Cllent S and A, B, C, D and E. Cue
Honnibo !. Connibo
Have you ever given a second thought to the
seemingly, innocent contents of the kitchens of
sorcerers and magicians? You know, items such
as: dishcloths, pipe cleaners, lollipop sticks,
hammers and biscuits ...
BanIsbIng BadIoIk
on a Budget
Sigil by Frater Monk E
16
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the blscults - for lt was the stage to create
the sub|ect llnks. Thls was done by Cllent S
taklng a blscult ln her hand and vlsuallslng
the person she wlshed to break llnks wlth.
When she felt that she had a strong, flrm
lmage and feel of that person, she declared
the blscult to be a true representatlon of
them and wrote thelr name ln black marker
pen on the blscult. She then passed the
blscult to me (the actlng rltual-offlcer for
the evenlng), and I declared the blscult to
be a symbol of the emotlonal and mental
crumbs were thrown ln the street for the
blrds.
Anyhow, the lmportant thlng ls that lt
worked. Gone were the bothersome folk
who had been plagulng Cllent S (after thelr
brlef lncarnatlon as blscults). The plgeons
were well fed and Cllent S was free from
stress once more. All thls for only 27 pence - a bargaln
by anyones standard.
I mentloned the advantages of cheap blscults to a
fellow maglclan soon after the rltual and he was greatly
lnterested. He had been experlenclng problems wlth
someone and desplte several months of curslng them,
they were stlll around.
The thought of breaklng bonds by bashlng blscults so
appealed to hlm that he even went as far as maklng
some blscults for the purpose of the rlte. However, the
maln reason why I mentlon hlm ls that he had a rather
wlcked, llttle twlst to add to the blscult technlque.
After he had flnlshed hammerlng the blscults to
obllvlon he dld not throw the crumbs to the blrds. In-
stead, he put them lnslde some sllver foll whlch he used
to wrap around a wax lmage of hls enemy, bound lt
tlghtly and burled lt deep ln the earth.
Accordlng to hlm, thls would lnfllct upon hls enemy a
"crumbs ln the bed type of skln lrrltatlon, whlch lf lt dld
not drlve them mad, was certalnly as cruel a curse as
anyone dare glve. Now there was no need for that, was
there?
I shall not end thls sorry, llttle tale wlth a cautlonary
moral, for I hate them and I thlnk they patronlze thelr
audlence. Havlng sald that, lf a few more of you become
suddenly susplclous of the contents of your closest
frlends kltchen-unlts, I would feel that I had done you all
a publlc servlce.
Perhaps, next tlme I shall tell you what the lntelllgent
maglclan can do wlth plpe cleaners.
According to him, this would inflict upon
his enemy a crumbs in the bed type of
skin irritation, which if it did not drive
them mad, was certainly as cruel a curse as
anyone dare give.
bonds between Cllent S and whosoever was
the sub|ect.
Then I wrapped lt ln a dlshcloth. We
used flve blscults, one at a tlme, untll all
flve were wrapped up ln the cloth and the
namlng process was complete.
The next stage was the breaklng of the
bonds so out came the chopplng board.
Thls was placed on the floor of the make-
shlft temple, wlth the dlshcloth (and blscults
wrapped lnslde), placed on top.
Uslng my trusty hammer Cllent S de-
clared, "Wlth these blows, the bonds are
broken! She then hammered the blscults
relentlessly untll there was nothlng left but
crumbs. After a flnal, swlft banlshlng these
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A
lthough omens have a
dynamic similarity to
divination, they differ
in that they are spontaneous.
While divination with tarot, I
Ching, or the runes is simply
the use of a random symbol
generator to solicit an
omen,we can still
use the mechanlsm anytlme we llke,
and only the pertlnence of the
answers can lndlcate whether our
sollcltatlons are successful or not.
But omens come when they come,
and lf we strlve to see them when
they arent there, we only look
rldlculous.
A true omen cant be searched
out, but manlfests more llke a klck
ln the head.
Sometlmes omens are ln-
dlcatlve of vast hlstorlcal currents.
Slnce these address publlc affalrs,
they wlll generally be publlc dls-
plays and wlll often be reported ln
the medla.
Here ls such a report dlstrlbuted
by the Knlght-Rlder syndlcate, as
prlnted ln the New Haven Reglster of
Tuesday, 8 November 1994:
Crash kills 4 slowed by motorcade
MUNDY TOWNSHIP, Mlch.-A flery crash
on Interstate 75 south of Fllnt that left four
people dead Monday began when a Tractor-traller plowed
lnto trafflc slowlng to a crawl as Presldent Blll Cllntons
motorcade passed nearby.....(p. A8)
The story goes on to say that the truck had
broadslded a car that had cut ln front of lt to turn onto
the medlan, apparently ln an attempt to avold the con-
gestlon by maklng a U-turn. Thls started a chaln reactlon
that took out slx other vehlcles. Several caught on flre,
lncludlng two of the three new Saturn cars the truck was
haullng. The truck drlver survlved, but the pollce dld not
say lf he would be charged wlth any crlme. The Presldent
had been on hls way to address a crowd at the Unlverslty
of Mlchlgan-Fllnt.
And of course the news the next day was that
Presldent Blll Cllntons polltlcal party had suffered a
flamlng crack-up at the polls, and he was now golng to
have to deal wlth Republlcan ma|orltles ln both houses of
Congress.
Thls accldent ls thus a perfect example of an
omlnous event, classlc ln lts llnk to lts sub|ect, ln lts
tlmlng, and ln the expllclt character of lts message. The
llnk to the Presldent was lntlmate because hls presence
caused lt, but only ln the most detached sense, so
theres no way lt can be seen as any klnd of Freudlan
sllp.
Trafflc slows to a crawl for lots of reasons-construc-
tlon, accldents up the road, tolls-and when there are
plle-ups then, lt ls no omen. But the tlmlng here was so
preclse. It was the day before the electlon and because
the top Democrat was maklng a campalgn stop, four
people were lnclnerated ln a lake of flre. So of course
O
M
E
N
S
Stephen Moce
18
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the Democrats lost both houses.
The detalls of the story also carry meanlng. Four
people were kllled, and four ls the number of completlon
and stablllty. Thls to me emphaslzes that the old Con-
gresslonal status quo ls flnlshed and destroyed. Also, the
cars the truck was haullng were Saturns, and Saturn ls
the planet of llmlt, form and Fate, agaln stresslng that
thls polltlcal shlft ls no trlvlallty.
On the other hand, I see no lndlcatlon here that a new
Republlcan dynasty wlll result.. It was a lake of flre, not a
truckload of cantaloupes spllled out for anyone to gather.
Besldes, the drlver of the car the truck broad-slded was
trylng to make a U-turn ls not llkely to solve lt. Some-
thlng more creatlve ls obvlously requlred, and I doubt the
Republlcans have lt ln them.
omlnous event ls tlny compared to
Cllntons portent, and lndlcatlve of a warn-
lng rather than a falt accompll, but then a
lovers spat averted ls posslbly a smaller
thlng than a polltlcal turnabout.
At least a crows caw takes less energy
to arrange than a flamlng crack-up; only
the tlmlng of lts call makes lt ln any way out of the ordl-
nary. And the energy contalned ln a sltuatlon ls, I thlnk
the key to the productlon of any omlnous dlsplay of that
sltuatlons essentlal dynamlcs.
On an even less energetlc level are meanlngful
"accldents. Perhaps lnstead of hearlng a crow caw as
one mentally berates ones sweetle, one wlll cut ones
flnger along wlth the carrot.
The dynamlc ls the same, but the mechanlsm ls con-
talned wlthln the sub|ects personallty, and so no occult
or paranormal lnteractlon need be hypotheslzed.
So we have spectrum that ranges from publlc to
personal to strlctly prlvate portents, and thls spectrum
can be nlcely lnterpreted as one that ranges from great
energy to trlfllng. Polltlcal
sea changes create lots of
ecstasy and angulsh, and
the antlclpatlon generated
before the event by the
hundreds of thousands of
people who wlll be dlrectly
affected by lt should be
sufflclent to spawn some
lmpresslve
synchronlcltles.
But when Im thlnklng
mean thoughts about my
sweetle, thats |ust me,
and so the colncldence ls
a small one. And lf Im not
paylng attentlon, Ill mlss
lt.
When we look at omens as being pro-
duced by the psychic energy within a situa-
tion, the similarity of their dynamic to that
of conjuring becomes clear.
Another detall ls that the truck drlver survlved, |ust
as Blll Cllnton ls stlll ln offlce. And lf the Republlcans
make a mess of lt, he could well be re-elected ln 1996-
probably runnlng on hls ablllty to roll wlth the punches
and turn dlsaster to good account. But thats stlll up ln
the alr. After all, the pollce hadnt declded lf the truck
drlver was at fault.
So much for the portentous extreme. At the other
end of the spectrum are omens that occur subtly to ones
person. You may be thlnklng mean thoughts your sweetle
when a crow starts cawlng rlght overhead-the flrst crow
youve heard all day.
The message here would obvlously be an admonlsh-
ment not to lndulge ln lnfantlle crap. Of course thls
19
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T+.: +o
.ae++
When we look at omens as belng produced by the
psychlc energy wlthln a sltuatlon, the slmllarlty of thelr
dynamlc to that of con|urlng becomes clear. Omens occur
when a sltuatlon has a power overload that dlscharges as
an event analogous to the way the energy ls movlng ln
the sltuatlon.
Thls overload usually occurs because the sltuatlon
contalns more slgnlflcance than the people lnvolved ln lt
wlll acknowledge-not to other people nor even to them-
selves-and so the tenslon ls kept from consclous release
and must lnstead manlfest ln an ob|ectlve dlsplay. Wlth
con|urlng, on the other hand, we use artlflclal means to
overload the sltuatlon wlth power, ln hopes that lt wlll
dlscharge as an event that wlll help us get what we want.
Its the same dynamlc, except that omens are lts
natural occurrence, and con|uratlons lts technlcal explol-
tatlon.
Flnally, we should conslder the sub|ect of omens ln
con|urlng. Brlefly, they dont mlx well, If youre con|urlng
and you get any omen more lmpresslve than a fllght of
blrds or a break ln the clouds, then that ls energy wasted
on dlsplay, energy that should be worklng to manlfest the
result you deslre. Nor should you dlvlne after con|urlng
to see how well lt went, slnce the energy that worked the
oracle would also be wasted.
The best omen a con|uratlon can produce ls a result
that accompllshes our wllls.
But thls ls not to say that you should lgnore or
repress recognltlon of a declslve omen lf such should
appear; lt may be telllng you to change your procedure,
your strategy, or your vlew of the sltuatlon you want to
affect. I can recall an occaslon when a frlend of mlne set
up a rltual deslgned to destroy the negatlve thought and
hablt patterns wlthln the partlclpants personalltles.
We were each glven a dark and llght plece of cake. We
then entered perlod of gnosls whereln we ldentlfled the
dark pleces wlth the negatlve aspects of personallty, and
llght pleces wlth the posltlve. Flnally we ate the llght
pleces and put the dark one lnto an ornate
sllver plate bowl where they were to be
destroyed.
The fuels for destructlon was a
quantlty of pure graln alcohol. Curlously,
however, almost as soon as the cakes were
set allght, the bowl began to melt, drlpplng
hot metal all over my frlends nlcely flnlshed table. The
flre was hastlly smothered, the rltual aborted. The dark
cakes, lncldentally, were scarcely even warm. (A good
Omens occur when a situation has a power
overload that discharges as an event analo-
gous to the way the energy is moving in the
situation.
wlck does not burn.)
The omen was obvlous to everyone except the
host, though he had to admlt the sense of lt once lt was
explalned. Thls ls slmply that negatlve personallty pat-
terns can never be destroyed; lf we try, well destroy
thelr contalner-our total selves-before the negatlvlty ls
even touched.
Further research has convlnced me that the energy
these negatlve patterns generate can easlly be trans-
formed lnto posltlve powers wlthout changlng the hablt
ltself at all.
The trlck ls slmply to be aware of our pathologles as
pathologles (and not |ustlfled responses to an awful
world), and then syntheslze splrlts or servltors whose
sole functlon ls to shlft the energy from lts negatlve
appllcatlon lnto somethlng we can use.
Thus may our pathologles be made profltable, each
other englne to augment the momentum of our wllls.
20
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T+.: +o
.ae++
O. Whats whlte and falls from the sky?
A. ...the comlng of God.
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY WORKPLACE
1.Page yourself over the lntercom. (Dont dlsgulse your
volce.)
2.Flnd out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same
outflts. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (Thls
ls especlally effectlve lf your boss ls a dlfferent gender than
you are.)
3.Make up nlcknames for all your coworkers and refer to
them only by these names. "Thats a good polnt, Sparky. or
"No, Im sorry, Im golng to have to dlsagree wlth you there,
Chachl.
4.Send emall to the rest of the company telllng them what
youre dolng. For example "If anyone needs me, Ill be ln the
bathroom.
5.Hl-llte your shoes. Tell people that you havent lost your
shoes slnce you dld thls.
6.Whlle slttlng at your desk, soak your flngers ln Palmollve.
7.Put up mosqulto nettlng around your cublcle.
8.Put a chalr faclng a prlnter, slt there all day and tell
people youre waltlng for your document.
9. Arrlve at a meetlng late, say youre sorry, but you dldnt
have tlme for lunch, and youre golng to be nlbbllng durlng the
meetlng. Durlng the meetlng eat 5 entlre raw potatoes.
10. Inslst that your e-mall address be:
zena_goddess_of_flre@companyname.com
11. Every tlme someone asks you to do somethlng, ask
them lf they want frles wlth that.
12. Send emall to yourself engaglng yourself ln an lntelll-
gent debate about the dlrectlon of one of your companys
products. Forward the mall to a co-worker and ask her to
settle the dlsagreement.
13. Encourage your colleagues to |oln you ln a llttle syn-
chronlzed chalr danclng.
14.Put your trash can on your desk. Label lt "IN.
15. Determlne how many cups of coffee ls "too many.
16.Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
17.Decorate your offlce wlth plctures of
Clndy Brady and Danny Partrldge. Pass them off
as your chlldren.
18.For a relaxlng break, get away from lt all
wlth a mask and snorkel and dunk your head ln
the flsh tank. If no one notlces, take out your
snorkel and see how many you can catch ln your mouth.
19.Send e-mall messages saylng "free plzza, free donuts,
etc. ln the lunchroom. When people complaln that there was
none, |ust lean back, pat your stomach, and say,Oh youve got
to be faster than that.
20.Put decaf ln the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has gotten over thelr caffelne addlctlons, swltch to espresso.
A guy was stranded on a desert lsland wlth Clndy Crawford.
He played lt cool, and he dldnt make any moves towards her
for several weeks. Flnally, one day he asked her lf maybe they
could start up a physlcal relatlonshlp, so as to attend to each
others needs. Clndy sald she was game and a very vlgorous
sexual relatlonshlp began.
Everythlng was great for about 4 months. One day, the guy
went to Clndy and sald, "Im havlng thls problem. Its klnd of a
guy thlng, but I need to ask you a favor.
Clndy sald, "Okay.
The guy sald, "Can I borrow your eyebrow pencll?
Clndy looked at hlm a llttle funny, but sald, "Sure, you can
borrow my eyebrow pencll.
The guy then sald, "Do you mlnd lf I use the eyebrow pencll
to draw a moustache on you?
Clndy ls gettlng a llttle worrled, but says, "Okay.
Then the guy sald, "Can you wear some of my guy clothlng,
I need for you to look more llke a man.
Clndy ls gettlng a llttle dlsappolnted at thls polnt, but says,
"Well I guess so.
Then the guy says to Clndy, "Do you mlnd lf I call you
Fred?
Clndy, very de|ected, says, "I guess not.
So, the guy reaches out and grabs Clndy by the arms and
says, "Fred, you wont belleve who Ive been sleeplng wlth
these past four months!
Banish with Laughter ...