Reflective Essay: Rachael Parrish Throughout the course of this semester among the many other classes, community

service projects and activities that I have been a part of, I have developed a deeper means of thinking, and I think that Dr. Lunsfords class has been the source of this. Specifically my absolute favorite activity and piece that we have analyzed has been David Foster Wallaces This is Water commencement speech and I remember the days that followed my initial viewing of it on the first couple days of class. Recently in class we re-viewed this speech and I must say, that yes I became partial to some of the books that we read in class but that speech just really resonated with me and I immediately went home and began this reflective essay. Dr. Wallace speaks of the value in constructing meaning from thinking and my favorite quote that really defines my reflection of this class is [that] you have to make a conscious decision of what to think and pay attention to in order to get the full fulfillment in life. Through the variety of books that we have read and studied in Dr. Lunsfords class, I have become exposed to the (as selfish as this sounds) way that other people are different than me, and I do not believe that it is possible for me to ever go back. What I mean by this does not lie shallowly in how we look different or are from a different place but more so how my eyes have been opened to people living with PTSD (Apocalypse Now), being raised by Cherokee grandparents among the mountain-life poverty (The Education of Little Tree), and lastly people with varying ethical views than me (Ishmael). Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that I have never been around someone who is different than me, but I must be honest and say that prior to reading Heart of Darkness or viewing Apocalypse Now I had never looked at PTSD or possibly even war, the same. But

the one scene in Apocalypse Now when the children are getting out of school and those huge planes are flying over, about to attack and gun down the civilian woman, I could not ignore nor blame how the brutality of war could lead to PTSD. Within a couple of class periods that we spent on Heart of Darkness and Apocalypse Now, I found myself almost beginning to relate to Kurtz and the idea of how broken of a person that his experiences had caused him to be. I myself have never been in combat, but using Dr. Fosters view about choosing to open your eyes, I fee l like I let myself open up to the theme of the severity of war and how its affect upon a person. Before this class I cannot definitively say that I could have fully taken the value of recognizing and becoming so personal with these characters and experiences that were so unlike my own. I can attest to the fact that in my youth, I was not raised by my Cherokee grandparents, in a mountain hollow, making moonshine during the years prohibition. While I was viewing this movie I specifically can recall how interested I became with the mountain ways that Little Tree was being exposed to. No, I was not raised this way, but this book and movie completely enlightened another way of life that I truly became enthralled in. I feel like Dr. Lunsfords class taught me how to find the commonality between people and my own self who could be totally different, yet still open up my mind to what makes them so unique. After hearing Dr. Wallaces speech I really took to heart the excerpt where he was talking about your default and I realized that my default was to simply accept things for the way that I see them and then to see things based off of the way that I know them to be. However it does not take long to realize that this type of default leads to a very sad, ignorant and meaningless life that can never be about anything other

than what I already know. Where is the room for learning about what is around or outside of me if I am only on my default of what I already know? There is no growth in that and after realizing the fault in this; I really began to connect with the books and the ideas and themes that were laced within them. The emotions that I felt when Granpa dies, were as if I was Little Tree myself, with Granpa telling me that someday he would see me again. To me, this represented such a significant, emotional passing because when Granpas notes read next time it will be better, I felt as if he was revealing to Little Tree how very sorry he was for the hand that Little Tree had been dealt. I also felt like Granpa was revealing to Little Tree how he personally felt a lack of ability to fully ever compensate for maybe Little Trees parents passing away without being bale to raise Little Tree and it really reminded me of my own Grandparents and the infinite list of dreams and hopes for me to have despite the fact that both of my parents raised me. Among my insight on the gruesome mortality of war as seen in Apocalypse Now, or the emotional connection that I made through The Education of Little Tree, my final reflective textual example that shows my growth of truly seeing what is around me, can be seen as I read Ishmael. My own personal religious beliefs can be found more along the lines of Left Behind but despite this, I was truly able to gain a fuller understanding of the way that other people feel. I have always been raised to be a Christian and that is the way of life that I know. But what struck me the most through reading Ishmael were not just the antihumanistic ideas that were presented in the book, but also the different opinions that this prompted from my classmates in class. I guess it might have never occurred to me how many different viewpoints that people within my own class held when they were sharing their ideas about Ishmael.

Though I do continue to keep my own religious and ethical viewpoints, I think that I have learned a huge deal about sustainability and Ishmaels ideas about the way that people are takers. Though some of the ideas presented within many of the books that we studied in class, may differ than my own beliefs I feel that it is essential to have a choice in what you believe in rather than only the one option of it. By this I am referring back to David Foster Wallaces speech to the point that he made when he expressed that it is okay for you to believe that you believe but if it is just because it is your default then you are not possibly getting the full enjoyment out of life. I have gained so much knowledge and awareness through this class and I am certain that this can be seen through my class reflections. To conclude I will sum up my whole semester that explains the growth that I have received, in one final quote from David Foster Wallaces speech: if youre automatically sure that you know what is important then you will always act on your default settings and you will never get the chance to think which is sacred and meaningful.