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Mary Jane B. de Guzman 2010-41022 #$ B% Psycholo"y Prof. Maria Cecilia C. Gastardo-Conaco Psych 180 !ocial Psycholo"y &ue on 'e(ruary 20) 2014

HELPING
Sa tuwing tumutulong ka sa ibang tao, you earn points in heaven..

I never thought that I would hear that same phrase again in our class. The notion of 'earning points in heaven' has ecome memora le for me ecause of the incident that happened to me one morning while I was riding the !"T. #rom Pasa$% I ride the !"T ever$ da$ to get to &ue'on (venue. I was onl$ a freshman then. I thought it was )ust an ordinar$ morning. I used to sleep for thirt$ minutes ecause that's how long m$ travel ta*es. I did not *now that with m$ e$es closed% one pregnant woman rode the !"T together with her hus and. If I were not sleeping% I could have offered m$ sit to the pregnant woman. However% the twist happened when there was this older woman who wo*e me up and forced me to give m$ seat to the pregnant woman. I was a it disappointed ecause I was forced ut still% I stood and gave m$ seat. I stood in the opposite part of the train so I would not have to see faces from other people. I felt ashamed. (s I was standing% I managed to close m$ e$es and continue to sleep. (fter a out 1+ minutes% this old woman% who forced me to give m$ seat% pulled me and let me sit on the vacant space eside her. It was )ust morning and a lot of things were alread$ happening. I said in a polite manner that it's o*a$% I will )ust stand up and an$ od$ can sit on the space offered. However% this old woman persisted. ,he told me that people who gave up their seats for other people are more deserving of vacant seats. I did not hear her sa$ 'sorr$'

for forcing me ut I don't *now wh$ I felt appeased after she told me that and she continued% .Sa tuwing tumutulong ka sa ibang tao, you earn points in heaven.. / (s a $oung individual% I loo*ed ac* at that point of m$ life and recalled the older woman as m$ fair$ godmother. I *now it sounds hilarious ut she affected me more than I thought a stranger could. Though I am more spiritual than religious% and I don't *now if heaven is real or not% what matters to me that moment is the reali'ation that people li*e her are the ones I am grateful for meeting. ,he wo*e me up not )ust in that single instance ut for ever$ da$ that I ride the !"T. #rom then on% I started to ecome more aware of other passengers in the !"T and when I see people who need a seat more than I do% I would give it. I shared this e0perience of mine ecause the chapter on helping is ver$ applica le to !"T situations. It ma$ not e as important as other situations% ut the mere fact that people who need help can also e with $ou in that same train and the presence of other people who would either choose to help or neglect an elderl$% a pregnant woman or disa led people are what matter ecause the$ are living e0amples of the discussion in the oo*. 1e discussed $stander inaction and I witnessed that inside the !"T. People are loo*ing into each other's e$es and wondering who would let an older person sit. ,ome chose to loo* outside and fail to notice that a pregnant woman )ust got in. ,ome interpret a pregnant woman as a fat woman who does not reall$ need the seat and some would rationali'e that the$ paid the same fare so the$ )ust deserve to sit. I am tr$ing not to ma*e a ig deal out of this ut I alwa$s fail ecause riding the !"T has ecome a salient e0perience in four $ears of m$ college life. 1henever I don't get a seat and see other people who are comforta l$ sitting% ignoring the person in front of them% 2for e0ample% a mother carr$ing a child3% I can't help ut feel sad. I am not alwa$s a le to give m$ seat ecause of some factors ut as much as I can% I give m$ seat to those who are in need ecause I *now how difficult it is to stand and e s4uee'ed inside the train.

5 ,uch a simple act of helping and man$ people choose not to respond. 1hat more to the igger pro lems of our societ$ that need our participation6 !oving on from this !"T phenomenon% m$ parents and friends alwa$s tell me that I give too much. The$ sa$ I am sensitive and I don't critici'e whether the penn$ I would give would 'feed parasites'. It hurts to e viewed as uncritical and irrational ut what I alwa$s e0plain to them is $ou can never tell if that street child is d$ing of hunger. 7eggars are not ad. ,ome were desperate% ut not reall$ ad. This attitude reflects on the results of the e0ercise we had in class. !$ scores on the su scales were all higher 2e0cept for the #antas$ scale 8 193 than the mean from the (merican data. #or Perspective:Ta*ing% I scored -;% while on Empathic Thin*ing 8 --% and lastl$% Personal <istress 8 1=. 1hen the T$phoon >olanda hit ?isa$as% I watched news which were trul$ heart rea*ing and I was not a le to contain m$ emotions that I reall$ cried for the misfortune of our *a a a$an. #or several da$s since >olanda struc* the countr$% I could not sleep well. I was devastated ecause of the slow reaction from the government. 1hen I heard of the relief operations in our campus% I immediatel$ as*ed for m$ parents' help and gladl$% the$ never gave me a second thought a out it. 1e gave clothes% food and other necessities. I volunteered ever$ da$ for one wee* and I even recruited some friends to help out. This t$phoon reall$ rought out the a ilities of people to help. ,ome people declined m$ offer ut more were willing to help. !$ high school friends and I also helped in the relief operations mediated $ the <1,< and despite the disorgani'ed s$stems% I never heard a single complain from m$ friends. In the Ps$cholog$ department% we have this udd$ s$stem that aims to support cross:registrants from @P Taclo an. I met Aoel and I heard his first:hand e0perience of the t$phoon. It was horrif$ing and I admit that I felt uncomforta le after hearing his stor$. It was unimagina le. !$ negative perspectives a out the government

B were polari'ed. The awareness of all these things pushed me to do something even in m$ own little wa$s. I admire the survivors for not giving up and that admiration fueled m$ intention to help other people. I don't *now if there's guilt as what the chapter offered as an e0planation for helping ehavior% ut what I am sure of% I helped ecause that's the smallest thing I can do for the victims of the t$phoon. ( lot of events happened in the past months and the opportunit$ to help was great. I would admit that whenever I see people having an improved welfare ecause of what I did for them% I reall$ feel good% an internal reward as what !$ers 2-;153 suggested in the ,ocial E0change Theor$ of helping. The idea of e0changing goods is undermining the whole concept of helping% at least for me. I do not discount the statement this theor$ offers. In fact% I elieve that we are driven to help ecause of the anticipation that we'd get something in return% either e0ternall$ or internall$. 7ut the point eing and I don't *now if I can e0plain it well% is that helping is more than )ust e0pecting for a reward. I guess that's where other theories li*e the ,ocial Norms and Evolutionar$ Ps$cholog$ come in. ,ome people help instantaneousl$. ,ome people no longer calculate the pros and cons of helping. ,ome people help ecause it is needed. 1e generall$ help each other so we can all survive. 7ut then% inevita le things happen and we decrease in helping. The chapter ends with a section that promotes wa$s on how to increase helping. I affirm the effectiveness of these wa$s ecause I emplo$ some of them to m$self. I thin* one of the reasons wh$ I have this high tendenc$ to help is the media effects% especiall$ music. I love listening to songs li*e% .!an in the !irror/% .,tand up for Love/ and .Heal the 1orld/. (nd for these songs that I *eep m$ hope alive that someda$% the world is going to e a etter place to live in. I promised m$self that even if I feel compassion fatigue% I would alwa$s tr$ ecome divided that one of the conse4uences lead to

+ to get up and strive to help other people. !$ motto is 'hope is the last thing to go' and if the time comes that I get tired of understanding the needs of people% I would alwa$s remem er that there is this strange% old woman who taught me to help for those who help earn points in heaven. Though I have relativel$ gained *nowledge a out man$ things% I will not forget that I agreed to a stranger that I will alwa$s help. C3

"eferencesC !$ers% <. G. 2-;153. ,ocial ps$cholog$% international edition. 211th ed.% pp. B59:B=D3. New >or*C !cGraw:Hill