Men Ar e Li k e a Box of Ch o c o l at es

1
E l l y K l e i n
Men Are Like
a Box of Chocolates
Men Ar e Li k e a Box of Ch o c o l at es
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C o n t e n t s
Introduction 9
Hes a Rum Ball 11
Hes a Honeycomb Chocolate 13
Hes a Chocolate Nougat Log 15
Hes a Coconut Chocolate 17
Hes a Chocolate-Covered Marshmallow 19
Hes a Fruit & Nut Chocolate 21
Hes a Chocolate Swirl 23
Hes a Chocolate Protein Bar 25
Hes a Chocolate Truffle 27
Hes a Chocolate Rough 29
Hes a Chocolate Kiss 31
Hes a Chocolate Stick 33
Hes a Fun-Size Chocolate 35
Hes a Heart-Shaped Chocolate 37
Hes a Coffee Chocolate 39
Hes a Homemade Chocolate 40
Hes a Chocolate Crackle 43
Men Ar e Li k e a Box of Ch o c o l at es
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Hes a Chocolate-Covered Raisin 45
Hes a Strawberry Cream 47
Hes a Hot Chocolate 49
Hes a Plain Milk Chocolate 51
Hes a Carmel Chew 53
Hes a Chocolate Fudge 55
Hes a Dark Chocolate 57
Hes a White Chocolate 59
Hes a Rocky Road 61
Hes an Out-Of-Date Chocolate 63
Hes an After-Dinner Mint 65
Hes an Easter Egg 67
Hes a Chocolate Frog 69
Hes a Carob 71
Hes a Chocolate Freckle 73
Hes a Chocolate Bullet 75
Hes Chocolate Icing 77
Acknowledgements 78
Men Ar e Li k e a Box of Ch o c o l at es
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Men Ar e Li k e a Box of Ch o c o l at es
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H e
,
s a Ru m Ba l l
100 bottles of beer on the wall
100 bottles of beer
Take one down and pass it around
Wait a sec. Just one? What sort of a lightweight wrote
this song? Take em all down and lets get pissed!
Rum Ball man
Head to any pub on any night of the week and you
will meet Rum Ball man. Beer-swilling, word-
slurring and ruggedly attractive, this unnervingly
likeable drunken larrikin will make you weak
at the knees but thats probably because hes
already bought you a few drinks.
Rum Ball man is a mans man, but there is no
doubt that he fancies the ladies. Theyre his second
love after booze, of course. Okay, so he may be
leering at your cleavage and checking out your
cheeks (and were not talking about the ones on
your face), but who cares. You didnt squeeze
into those tight jeans or slip into that low-cut top
for nothing, and at least you can always count on
Rum Ball man to show his appreciation (albeit
crudely).
Rum Ball man will be the first to tell you, I love
you. Problem is, hes also told his best mate, the
bartender and the cab driver, so you shouldnt
take it too literally. At the end of the evening, you
may be wondering whether hes going to make a
pass at you or pass out. But, either way, youll be
able to roll Rum Ball man home.
More intoxicated than intoxicating, if youre not
looking for anything more than a drinking buddy
then Rum Ball man can be extremely reliable.
He may swear like a sailor, drink like a fish and
act like an animal, but hes a ball of fun. Table
dancing, public nudity and impromptu karaoke
performances at the top of his lungs (Sweet
Caroline, ba-ba-bah, for instance) are all in a days
work for him.
Husband material hes not (unless he happens to
give up alcohol and take up knitting). But if you
keep your stumbling distance from him, you can
have a guzzling good time with Rum Ball man.
Your call. His shout.
Men Ar e Li k e a Box of Ch o c o l at es
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Men Ar e Li k e a Box of Ch o c o l at es
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H e
,
s a C h o c o l a t e - C o v e r e d Ma r s h ma l l o w
Two tablespoons of intelligent conversation, half
a cup of cuddles and a sprinkling of laughter
Chocolate-Covered Marshmallow man has the
recipe for romance, and anything else your heart
(or stomach) may desire.
A well-rounded fellow (literally), Chocolate-
Covered Marshmallow man is a not-so-lean, mean
cuisine-loving machine who would prefer to gain
weight than lift weights. But while his body may
be a little inflated, his ego isnt.
No one will make you feel more comfortable
in your own skin than Chocolate-Covered
Marshmallow man because just as hes not hung up
on his own looks, hes not hung up on yours either.
Needless to say, Chocolate-Covered Marshmallow
man has a passion for food. No, its more than
that. He has a close, personal relationship with
food its true love. Over the years, he has
chosen to swap cardio workouts for cookbooks,
and muscles for menus, and will impress you
with his restaurant selections, dazzle you with
his dishes and win you over with his wine
appreciation. He will make you forget all about
your thighs and say to hell with you hips. With
Chocolate-Covered Marshmallow man, its all
about enjoyment. His sweetness will make you
smile, and his sensuality will have you salivating
all the way to the bedroom followed by a trip
to the gourmet deli.
Chocolate-Covered Marshmallow man knows
whats important in life good food and good
company. He may be more flab than abs, but its
his insatiable appetite for you that really tips the
scales in his favour.
So, overlook his love handles and disregard
his rolls, because if you have a soft spot for
Chocolate-Covered Marshmallow man then
dinner wont be the only thing youll want to have
with him on the kitchen table.
Men Ar e Li k e a Box of Ch o c o l at es
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Men Ar e Li k e a Box of Ch o c o l at es
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H e
,
s a n E a s t e r E g g
Holidays are a time for family and friends, rest
and relaxation, gatherings and getaways and
holiday flings. Enter: Easter Egg man.
Wrapped in shiny packaging, Easter Egg man is
just the sort of guy you could fall in love with
well, at least for a week, anyway. Sweet, sexy and
short-lived, he is the perfect holiday treat.
You can meet Easter Egg man anywhere, but
the best place to meet him is at an island resort.
Between the tan lines and the pick-up lines, you
wont have any trouble getting together with
Easter Egg man. Whether youre sailing, scuba
diving or skinny dipping, Easter Egg man is the
perfect companion. And after a day or two, you
wont know if its the man himself, the balmy
weather or that third pina colada youre sipping
on thats making you feel so giddy, but who cares.
Youre here for a good time not a long time.
One of the best things about being away from
home and knowing youll have to let someone go
is that you can really let yourself go. Before you
met Easter Egg man, you thought Sex on the
Beach was just the name of a fancy cocktail. You
can give all of your usual dating angst a holiday
too. Instead of waiting by the phone, youre
waiting by the pool. Instead of playing games,
youre playing in the Games Room. Its fun, its
easy, its romantic and its over the moment
you kiss his salty lips goodbye and shake the sand
out of your underwear.
With the advent of email, text messages and
social networking, theres no reason why you and
Easter Egg man cant stay in touch. (In fact, its
almost impossible.) But thats not really the point.
Easter Egg man is meant to be like those fluffy
white bathrobes in your hotel room for vacation
purposes only. Its possible that absence will make
the heart grow fonder, but its more likely to be a
case of out of sight, out of mind.
So, take some happy snaps and hold onto some
memories (especially that one of you and him up
against the palm tree). Because, when it comes
to Easter Egg man, there are only two rules
unwrap and enjoy.
Men Ar e Li k e a Box of Ch o c o l at es
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Women are obsessed with men and chocolate. If were not indulging in one, were indulging in
the other. In fact, forget life being like a box of chocolates, as Forrest Gump would have us believe.
+ ..e .- o-o!., . |o men are like a box of chocolates.
In Men Are Like a Box of Chocolates, humorist Elly Klein draws on her extensive dating
experience to reveal the uncanny connection between two of the greatest sources
of female pleasure men and chocolate. Almost every kind of man, or romantic
relationship a women can have with a man, is covered from the drunken larrikin
Rum Ball man to the holiday fling Easter Egg man providing some welcome comic
relief from the often draining task of searching for Mr Right. There are men who
appreciate the great outdoors (beach-going Coconut Chocolate man) and men who
prefer the great indoors (TV addict Chocolate Nougat Log man); men who like
to work out (gym junkie Chocolate Protein Bar man) and men who like to eat out
(chubby foodie Chocolate-Covered Marshmallow man); men who will make your day
(childlike Chocolate Crackle man) and men who will make your night (drop-dead
gorgeous Hot Chocolate man).
While its not a dating manual, plenty of sound advice can be found within its pages.
Insightful, relatable and laugh-out-loud funny, Men Are Like a Box of Chocolates is the
literary equivalent of sitting down with your girlfriends, opening a fresh box of
chocolates and having a good gab about the opposite sex.