This document is private and confidential.

Nga Hau e Wha/Four Winds, 2014

Except as provided by the Copyright Act 1994, no part of this publication may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system in
any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.

NGA HAU E WHA (PUKENGA)
FOUR WINDS LIMITED

THE
SPIRIT OF
ADDICTION

A Tribute
to
Robin Williams


www.fourwindswellness.org
Lakotajohn@gmail.com


This document is private and confidential. Nga Hau e Wha/Four Winds, 2014
Except as provided by the Copyright Act 1994, no part of this publication may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system in
any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.
The power of addiction invades our minds like a thief in the night. It enters just like a common cold,
un-noticed, a few symptoms and before you know it, youre suffering. Like the lights and glitter of
Las Vegas, which tempt you with false hope, it robs you of money and dignity. Imagine a fisherman
who experiments with different lures, he uses the one tempting enough for the fish to succumb to.
The fish unknowingly takes the bait, and then its hooked, pulled in, bagged and finally consumed.
But this unseen enemy doesnt just come in and put shackles on your ankles and wrists; it does
more, it binds your very spirit and soul.
Addiction has no conscience or concern for who it strikes. It is found in the rich and poor, the famous
and unknown, the man on the stage, or the mother in a cage. Mrs. Robinson or Mrs. Doubtfire. The
recent tragic death of beloved actor and comedian Robin Williams at age 63 is a testament to the
great toll of addiction on spirit, body, mind and soul. How is it that a man who gave the gift of
laughter and warmed so many hearts, could succumb to the pain within himself? His fame and
fortune was not nearly enough to hold off the stark truth that hid behind his quirky humor and
charm, like so many of us who conceal our pain and internal discord with a veneer of happiness. So
where does addiction come from? Why does it take hold of some and not others? And how does it
get us to dance with it in the first place?
It all comes down to an unmet need. A need to laugh, a need to cry, a need to love and receive love
- most people on this planet are living with the ache of unmet need. Do we simply not know how to
offer real love, pure, unconditional love, love with no strings attached? Is it because we never
received it ourselves? How can you give something away that you do not possess? Could it be that
were not whole enough and hence the endless seeking endures?
What constitutes being whole? What is whole? Are we whole? Would we know if we were? How
many of us are? Wholesome, whole food, wholegrain, wholistic; whole is a word associated with
goodness and entirety. Whole is a word that advertising companies love to slip in their slogans
because it is something we crave, something we have lost and are striving to find. We look for it in
all the wrong places, in our relationships, in our work, in our children, in our lifestyle or success,
when we should really be looking for it within ourselves; if we dont go within we go without. All
these counterfeit options are like a mirage; they make us feel good for the moment and then are
gone. The question is, are we looking to be whole or are we just feeding a hole?
An unmet need is a hole, a hole that needs to be filled, or a need that needs to be met. The greater
the need, the bigger the hole. The bigger the hole, the larger the appetite. It becomes a constant
hunger that can never be stemmed, a thirst thats never quenched, your companion 24/7. It lives and
breathes inside you, a parasite, feed mefeed mefeed me.
How does this hole in the heart first appear? Does it happen in childhood, when we experience a
traumatic event and our innocence is violated? Do we then lose the ability to think and feel and act
as our true and pure inner child? Does this initial loss of innocence or inner sense and wholeness
create the hunger? Is that what becomes the hole? Is this the soul loss that gives birth to separation?

This document is private and confidential. Nga Hau e Wha/Four Winds, 2014
Except as provided by the Copyright Act 1994, no part of this publication may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system in
any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.
When children experience multiple traumas and abuse at an early age, severe separation occurs. A
dysfunctional family atmosphere in an unsupportive societal environment creates children that are so
full of holes that they no longer retain any sense of identity or inner sense. Thus their mind, body
and soul become divided. The feelings of fear, shame and hurt that arise as a result become worry,
blame and anger. The child learns to suppress the feelings that threaten to overwhelm them and for
which they see no obvious outlet.
As soon as they begin to feel emotion surface they immediately stuff it back down, or hide it behind a
mask of stoicism or humour. Some become so good at laughing at themselves or playing the fool,
that they eventually make a career of it. But in reality they are unwittingly plastering the counterfeit
band-aid over the still hurting wound. Emotion is designed to flow through us like water; it is energy
in motion. When it is put on hold by the act of suppression it becomes like stagnant water that brings
stench and disease.
Sometimes a sound, smell, tone of voice or certain behaviour can reactivate the suppressed feelings
from a past event. The emotion still locked within the cell memory re-ignites causing implosion or
explosion, a sullen and closed or highly reactive and volatile response. Parents of teenagers often
find themselves on the receiving end of such shows of suppression, yet few take the time to
persuade their child to re-open the pain of the initial wound. To do so would be too likely to expose
their own feelings of unworthiness, guilt and shame. But feelings buried alive never die.
Many people grow to adulthood in the grip of one of these two extreme reactions. The buried
feelings surface without warning like vomit, and they leave a similar taste in the mouth. In an
attempt to disguise the bitterness, the sweetness of sedation becomes the escape. Sedation, whats
your poison? It could be the seemingly innocent cane sugar, chocolate and candy, cookies and cake,
pepsi or coke; or worse, the other sugar, the fluffy white stuff, the different coke, the different
caincocaine.
Addiction, sedation, its all the same and it comes in many forms. Cigarettes or marijuana, p or e,
over-eating or under-eating, slot machines or horse racing, shopping or internet gaming and chat
rooms, sex and pornography, or fanatical fitness and the lure of the perfect body. Were all running
around looking to fill the hole, by whichever hole we choose to use; via the mouth, the nose, the ears
or the sex gland. The body has many ports for things to get in. Or maybe its self mutilation,
unwittingly echoing the hungry hole in the heart by piercing more holes in the skin in more and more
painful places.
More and more, more and more, filling the ever-hungry hole. Its separation, suppression,
sedationstress, and stress resides in the mind. When the dis-ease hits the mind the attitude of
addiction has become firmly entrenched. Greed, doubt and misery have taken over the mind, in place
of charity, nobility and mastery. Disillusion has become delusion when we begin to believe the voices
in our head, our own warped mind chatter or stinking thinking. Addicts are all liars because we are
lying to ourselves. The darkness has spread through the whole body from the root of fear to the

This document is private and confidential. Nga Hau e Wha/Four Winds, 2014
Except as provided by the Copyright Act 1994, no part of this publication may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system in
any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.
crown of misery and we begin to die, the acidic state caused by our own self-disgust eating us up
from the inside out.
Its not a pretty picture, but addiction isnt. The excitement of strip clubs and the rush of the all-
nighter wear off when the sun comes up to reveal the deeds done in darkness. Separation,
suppression, sedationstress.
Its a sad state of affairs when the sweet treats and movies give way to Prozac and gin. Separation,
suppression, sedationstress.
And what happens to the family as we retreat further and further into the bottle, numbing the turmoil
within with the sweetness of the wine and whiskey. Separation, suppression, sedationstress.
There comes a point, or maybe many points along the way, at which the opportunity for change
arises, and the harsh mirror of reality brings self-reflection. A choice, wake up and shape up, or
numb out and bum out, see you at another date, sedate. Choose life, or choose death; its that
simple. But there is no straightforward answer to addiction, no quick fix. Been there done that, were
masters of the quick fix, the temporary band-aid that just kept on sticking. The only way forward that
isnt the slippery downward slope is to remove the band-aid, expose the cut and begin the natural
flow of healing. As the cut dries, scabs and heals with exposure, so too the feelings that have been
buried alive lose the power to hold us hostage once uncovered and brought to the light.
This process of re-exposing our wounds to allow the initial healing to take place can seem like an
impossibly painful task. When weve spent most of our lives escaping or running from the pain of
remembrance, beginning to feel again can be agonizing work. Its not a pleasure cruise down the
river, or a picnic in the park. Its like a magnified version of the initial pain and discomfort of pins and
needles in our feet and legs. When we shift position the numbed limbs come alive and every
movement brings another wave of intensity. The choices are either to continue sitting numbed out,
move slowly and draw out the agony, or just get up and get everything moving as quickly as
possible. The pain may be greater but life returns faster and we can begin to move again without
fear of falling.
The trick is to form a new relationship with this deeply misunderstood aspect of our humanity. Pain is
far from the unpleasant enemy that it is made out to be, without friction theres no growth. Its
actually a friend that simply tells us when something needs our attention. If our finger hurts we
remove the splinter. If our stomach hurts we know we may have eaten something inappropriate. And
if our heart hurts we know we need to look to the quality of our relationships, ask forgiveness, and
right any wrongs that we may have overlooked. When pain calls to see us we need to walk past the
medication counter at the pharmacy, and begin instead to listen to its message. Once pain begins to
wear this new and more wholesome face, we can begin to welcome it into our experience as a herald
of change and positive growth. We can start to enjoy the surprise in its teaching as it leads us to the
key that unlocks the chains that have had us bound.

This document is private and confidential. Nga Hau e Wha/Four Winds, 2014
Except as provided by the Copyright Act 1994, no part of this publication may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system in
any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.
One thing thats for sure too is that in order to make permanent change we have to adopt a ruthless
attitude of cut and prune in our lives. Its no good trying to make changes if we continue to hang out
with the same people and visit the same places that have been supporting our habit. It is vital to the
process to be held in a supportive environment where the temptations are minimal and the
opportunities for creative release of pent up emotion are readily available. We have to learn to put
the attitude of suppression in check, to see it coming when a difficult memory or emotion surfaces
and make the right choice with right thinking. Its quite possible that we may have to learn how to
cry like a baby in a way that we were not encouraged to in our infancy.
There are many aspects of self that will need to be turned on their heads throughout the long
process of healing the backwaters of suppressed emotion; learning to rename our past traumas being
chief amongst them. Once the energy of emotion has begun to flow and the water renewed through
our own sweat and tears, we begin to see the kernel of truth that we have been avoiding. An event is
only negative when we label it so, and we have the power to reclaim our past when we choose to
look for the positive lesson that is hidden within each of our traumas. Continuing to blame our
parents or teachers for our current state of being only keeps us locked in the status quo. Even some
of the most tragic events we have experienced can be turned into gems. Just like the pearl within the
hard, ugly shell of the oyster, it starts off as a granule of sand and ends up as a pearl of great price.
We are all diamonds in the rough.
We may have to spend some time quietly reflecting upon all the circumstances surrounding the
event, all the people involved, and be prepared to accept responsibility for our own part in it. With
the fresh perspective offered by a clear mind and undammed emotions we can turn the light of
forgiveness upon the whole picture. Holding an attitude of gratitude allows the scene to shift and our
perception to alter. The light of understanding floods our minds, piercing the clouds to show the
brilliant blue sky behind them. Its like when we unexpectedly find a precious treasure that we had
thought was lost long ago, and we realize that it was actually there under our noses all the time,
waiting to be found.
The power of transforming our past in this way is not to be underestimated. Every time we re-label
an event like this we are healing the hole within us, mending the separation; and each time our
craving gets less. Until this process has been started all attempts at going clean will end in relapse
because the gaping holes in our lives still need to be filled. We may just exchange one form of
addiction for another; theres more than one reason why most people who give up smoking
immediately put on weight.
We all have secrets, hang-ups and holes whether we have succumbed to the indignity of addiction or
not. In a way those who have been dragged so low by their dependency that life or death hangs in
the balance have a curious lead on others for whom life is just plodding along in their familiar groove.
The motivation for change is so much greater when the only other option is the cemetery. So, in a
similar way to renaming our past, we can turn the light of positivity on our nemesis addiction and
look for the lessons we will never forget from its not so tender teaching.

This document is private and confidential. Nga Hau e Wha/Four Winds, 2014
Except as provided by the Copyright Act 1994, no part of this publication may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system in
any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.
At some point we begin to recognize the familiar ache of craving, hunger, longing and yearning, and
instead of feeding it or denying it we start to befriend it. We see it for what it is, the hole or rift in
ourselves of separation from the whole. As we name it and watch how it comes and goes, it
gradually loses its power over us. Things which would once have been huge triggers are now
unplugged and we observe with interest and some amazement the flat-line state of our emotions
instead. People dont realize how exhausting it is to be at the mercy of the pull and tug of our gaping
holes, sucking our energy this way and that. As we close each one up the energy saved can be put to
other more constructive pursuits, like healing.
Anything can become a habit when it is repeated enough, and searching out the positive is no
exception. The key is in awareness. As the process begins to unfold and the cords that have us
bound are loosened, so the mind begins to clear and a new lucidity emerges. With this new state of
consciousness, we can begin to observe the chaotic game of ping-pong between light and dark that
is going on within our thoughts. Keeping score and working out which side is winning makes us
realize how much we sabotage our wellbeing with the endless feedback loops that play constantly
within our mind. Learning to actively choose the thoughts that we allow to take root is vital to the
successful restoration of our inner selves, and to ultimately returning ourselves to wholeness and the
childlike innocence which is necessary to rediscover the sheer joy of living. Filtering our thought
process allows us to train the mind to self-appreciation and self-acceptance. It is eventually
achievable to bring ourselves to a state of mind whereupon we are choosing our every thought with
deliberate intention. It is from this place that true mastery emerges.
Once transformed by these powerful processes we begin to believe the new stories we are creating
and find real kindness and love for ourselves and others. We start to feel whole, like the kings and
queens that we are, and can recognize and believe in our own magnificence. Now that we have
changed our habit of continually looking outside of ourselves for the solution, have come to sobriety
and a solid understanding of the power within, we begin to look beyond our own preoccupations. We
can view with compassion and humility others still caught up in the whirlpool of craving, the spiral
slide of separation, suppression, sedation, stress. Its time to leave that world behind once and for
all. Its time to find our true gifts and our calling. Its time to enter a new, fresh, and exciting era in
our lives. We can finally feel assured that we need never need anything in our lives ever again.
Freedom is ours, forever.

Dedicated to the Spirit of Robin Williams.