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MySpace + the
Pornography
of Corporately
Controlled
Virtual Life
T h e r e ' s b e e n a l o t o f t a l k a b o u t W e b 2 . 0 o v e r t h e
p a s t f e w y e a r s , a n d I ' v e f o u n d b e i n g a t i v e o n
s o i a l n e t w o r k i n g s i t e s h a s p r o v i d e d t h e b e s t
p l a e n o t o n l y t o r e s e a r h i t b u t t o a n e ! t e n t a l s o
t o d i s u s s i t . " y e ! p l o r a t i o n s s t a r t e d o n " y # p a e
i n t h e s p r i n g o f 2 0 0 6 a n d i n i t i a l l y I s e t u p a n
a o u n t a s " i s t e r T r i p p y . " y g i $ $ i k w a s t o
b e h a v e a s i f I w a s s o $ e o n e e l s e p r e t e n d i n g t o b e
$ e , s o I d e l i b e r a t e l y f u d g e d f a t s a n d g o t $ i n o r
t h i n g s w r o n g a b o u t $ y l i f e a n d w o r k . T h i s l e d t o a
e r t a i n a $ o u n t o f s p e u l a t i o n a s t o w h o w a s
r u n n i n g w h a t w a s t a k e n t o b e a ' f a k e ' # t e w a r t
% o $ e s i t e . I n e ! t s e t u p a n a o u n t f o r $ y
g i r l f r i e n d T e s s i e , o n e o f $ y v e n t r i l o & u i s t d o l l s . I
w a s f a $ i l i a r w i t h p h e n o $ e n a l i k e r a d i o
v e n t r i l o & u i s $ s o I f i g u r e d i n t e r n e t v e n t r i l o & u i s $
w o u l d w o r k ' u s t a s w e l l . I n o $ $ e n t s s h e p o s t e d ,
T e s s i e l a i $ e d t o b e p r e g n a n t a n d w o u l d b e o $ e
e n r a g e d w h e n I r e s p o n d e d b y p o i n t i n g o u t p l a s t i
d o l l s a n ' t h a v e b a b i e s ( i t w a s u r i o u s t h a t & u i t e a
f e w w o $ e n s u p p o r t e d T e s s i e b y p o s t i n g
$ e s s a g e s s a y i n g t h e i r b o y f r i e n d s w e r e ' u s t l i k e
$ e , s i n e t h e s e $ e n h a d i n s i s t e d t h e i r o t h e r h a l f
w a s n ' t k n o k e d u p w h e n t h e y r e a l l y w e r e i n t h e
l u b .
"y#pae divide their user profiles into different
setions) a $ain profile with self desription,
pitures, videos, $usi and o$$ents( a blog
whose $ost reent headlines if any are displayed
on the profile page( and finally a setion for
uploaded photographs. I e!ploited all these
features but deided to fous on blogging, despite
finding the "y#pae blog ulture e!tre$ely
o$petitive and bithy at its top end. There was a
ore group desperate to ride high in the "y#pae
blog harts. *eause the harts were o$piled on
the basis of daily hits, bloggers in the +#, were
getting up in the $iddle of the night to post
i$$ediately after eah 2- hour ounting swith
over, thereby ensuring they $a!i$ised the hits
they got on the first day eah new blog was up.
*eing based in .urope I ould roll out of bed at
$y usual ti$e and get a blog up at the beginning
of the "y#pae day. Titles of blogs were and are
i$portant, $ost people wanted to read about se!
and blogs that ategorised the$selves as being
about 'ro$ane and relationships' tended to get
the $ost hits. The overwhel$ing $a'ority of the
blogs weren't in the least bit interesting( reading
about busts/ups between top bloggers who'd also
beo$e lovers 'ust wasn't $y bag. That said
$iro/worlds tend to develop around suessful
b l o g s a n d I h a d o n e o f $ y o w n t h a t $ a y w e l l
h a v e a p p e a r e d b o r i n g a n d i $ p e n e t r a b l e t o a s u a l
v i s i t o r s .
" y " i s t e r T r i p p y b l o g w a s a l i t t l e u n u s u a l i n t h a t
b o t h I a n d t h e o r e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n i t
h a v e a p e n h a n t f o r r e a t i n g $ u l t i p l e f a k e p r o f i l e s
0 a n d i d e n t i a l l o n e s o f e a h o t h e r ' s p r o f i l e s 1 , s o
t h e r e w a s a l w a y s a n a i r o f u n e r t a i n t y o v e r
e ! a t l y w h o w a s l e a v i n g o $ $ e n t s . T h e s e
i d e n t i t y g a $ e s p l a y e d i n v i r t u a l s p a e f o u n d t h e i r
p r e / w e b r y s t a l l i s a t i o n i n 2 e o i s $ , w e r e b r o u g h t
o n t o t h e n e t v i a T h e 3 u t h e r * l i s s e t t 4 r o ' e t i n t h e
1 5 5 0 s , a n d a n b e t r a e d b a k t h r o u g h
$ i d / t w e n t i e t h e n t u r y u l t u r a l / p o l i t i o
$ o v e $ e n t s s u h a s 3 e t t r i s $ t o 6 a d a . 2 e w
r e a d e r s w h o r e s p o n d e d t o $ y b l o g s a n d 7 o r p r o f i l e
t e n d e d t o d e s r i b e t h e $ a n d t h e s e p r a t i e s a s
b o t h i n t r i g u i n g a n d d i s o r i e n t a t i n g .
W h e n I ' o i n e d " y # p a e i t w a s s t i l l p l a g u e d b y
p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s p a $ a d v e r t i s i n g a d u l t d a t i n g
s i t e s a n d w e b a $ s e r v i e s . T a k i n g o u t f r e e
$ e $ b e r s h i p w i t h t h e s e s e ! o n t a t s i t e s o f t e n
a l l o w s a p r o f i l e t o b e r e a t e d b u t d o e s n t a l l o w
r e s p o n s e s t o t h e ' b o t g i r l s ' 0 f a k e f e $ a l e s w i n g e r s 1
w h o i $ $ e d i a t e l y o $ e o n t o $ a l e s w h o d o n ' t
have a pre$iu$ paid subsription( these sites
have virtually no fe$ale $e$bers, and they are
unlikely to do $uh for the thousands of
heterose!ual $ales who take out subsriptions to
the$. 8ver the past few years "y#pae has
raked down on suh spa$ $erhants beause
they ut into the operation's revenue base by
$aking users distrustful of all advertisers. That
said, I found it fun replying to spa$ o$$ents.
*ak on "y#pae I ouldn't resist responding to
the bot girls who left $e and $illions of others
$essages along the lines of 9%ow was your
weekend:9 8ne of $y standard replies to this
was) 9%ey $y weekend was great. I $anaged to
sneak one of the unidentified bodies out of the
hospital $orgue. I've na$ed this stiff "arie and I
took her for a date. Thus did $idnight find the
two of us / I and $y "arie / en'oying an inti$ate
andle/lit tete/a/tete at #hoop's, a loal
roadhouse on the far edge of town. ;o$ane was
in the air, and "arie, whose only fault as a dinner
o$panion was a tendeny to keep slipping
sideways out of the booth, had never looked
lovelier. I had about deided to order the fish
akes and had li$bed on top of the table, the
better to urge "arie to try the
s v e n g a l i / a n d / $ e a t b a l l s , o r ' 1 2 i n h e s o f
h a p p i n e s s ' a s i t i s s o $ e t i $ e s a l l e d , w h e n t h e
r o a d h o u s e o w n e r a $ e o v e r ) ' 4 h e w $ a n < ' h e
s a i d t o $ e , p o i n t i n g a t " a r i e . ' = o u g o t t a g e t t h a t
t h i n g o u t o f h e r e . I t ' s s t a r t i n g t o s t i n k t h e p l a e
u p a n d p e o p l e a r e o $ p l a i n i n g . , r e y o u n u t s o r
s o $ e t h i n g : ' W e l l " a r i e w a s n ' t f e e l i n g t h a t h u n g r y
a n d I f e l t s o $ e t h i n g o t h e r t h a n f o o d w a s o n t h e
$ e n u , s o w e l e f t a n d I d r o v e h e r t o a r e $ o t e
b e a u t y s p o t w h e r e w e $ a d e p a s s i o n a t e l o v e . I
e v e n g o t h e r b a k i n t h e h o s p i t a l o o l e r w i t h o u t
a n y b o d y n o t i i n g " a r i e h a d b e e n $ i s s i n g f o r h a l f
t h e n i g h t . # o I h a d a g r e a t w e e k e n d . I t r u s t y o u r s
w a s a g r o o v e . . . 9 # t r a n g e l y I ' v e n e v e r h a d a r e p l y
t o t h i s s t y l e o f o $ $ e n t b u t t h e n u s u a l l y t h e
p e o p l e I w a s l e a v i n g t h e $ f o r w a n t e d p u n t e r s t o
p a r t w i t h a s h f o r a d u l t d a t i n g a n d 7 o r w e b a $
a n d p o r n o g r a p h y s e r v i e s .
, n o t h e r f a v o u r i t e t r i k o f $ i n e w a s t o r e s p o n d t o
t h o s e o f f e r i n g h e l p w i t h i n t e r n e t b u s i n e s s s t a r t u p
s h e $ e s w i t h t h e f o l l o w i n g ) 9 % e y I w a s
u n e $ p l o y e d a n d h o $ e l e s s a f t e r l o s i n g $ y ' o b
a n d $ y r e l a t i o n s h i p b r o k e u p b e a u s e I h a d
e r e t i l e d y s f u n t i o n , b u t I k e p t h e k i n g $ y
e $ a i l s a t t h e l o a l l i b r a r y a n d I s r a p e d t o g e t h e r
t h e $ o n e y t o g e t s o $ e s h a r e s a f t e r I w a s s e n t
so$e anony$ous hot stok business advie, and I
started $aking a bit of $oney and got a flat to
rent, then I bought >iagra on the net and that
solved $y relationship proble$s and as I got into
doing $ore business on the web I found I was
$aking a lot of $oney and I bought a house in
3ondon and then a holiday ho$e in #pain and
so$e really nie ars. 2ow I've got $aids and a
suessful $arriage too 0although $ost nights
these days I stay our late snorting oaine and
having se! with high lass hookers / in fat I'$
getting a blow 'ob right now fro$ a pre/op
transse!ual and I'$ using $y 4al$ $ini o$puter
to write you this $essage1. #o I an really
reo$$end these business tehni&ues you're
offering people. *ut what your friends need even
$ore than these tehni&ues are the unseured
loans I an arrange for the$ beause they an't
start a suessful internet business without proper
finanial bak up. 4eople are onned into thinking
they an build up one of these operations without
the finanial wherewithal but that 'ust isn't true,
beause all the $ost suessful businesses on the
net are properly apitalised...9
I tended not to bother responding to spa$
$essages that ran along the lines of 9%ey hek
o u t $ y b a n d , w e ' v e g o t n e w t r a k s u p a n d w e ' d
l i k e y o u t o l e t u s k n o w w h a t y o u t h i n k 9 ( a l t h o u g h
v e r y o a s i o n a l l y w h e n I d i d l i k t h r o u g h t o a
b a n d s i t e I w o u l d l e a v e a o $ $ e n t a l o n g t h e l i n e s
o f ) 9 = e a h I h e k e d o u t y o u r $ u s i $ a n , a n d i t
s u k s w o r s e t h a n a n i n f a n t t h a t $ i s s e d a f e e d b u t
s i n e t h e $ a r k e t d i s t o r t s e v e r y t h i n g , i f y o u a r r y
o n w i t h y o u r p r o $ o t i o n s t h e n t h e r e ' s a o n e i n a
h u n d r e d b i l l i o n h a n e y o u ' l l b e t h e n e ! t + 2 0 a n d
t h e y s u k e v e n w o r s e t h a n y o u 1 . 9
T o b u i l d $ y p r o f i l e a n d b l o g I h a d t o b e p r o a t i v e ,
o $ $ e n t i n g o n o t h e r p e o p l e ' s p a g e s a n d
r e s p o n d i n g t o o $ $ e n t s o n $ y o w n . I
s i $ u l t a n e o u s l y e ! t e n d e d $ y n e t w o r k b y
o n s e n t i n g t o b e ' f r i e n d s ' / o n e o f t h e t w o p r o f i l e s
i n v o l v e d h a s t o $ a k e a f r i e n d r e & u e s t / w i t h o t h e r
u s e r s . 8 n l y f r i e n d s a n l e a v e p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s
b u t y o u a n o p t a s I d i d t o a l l o w a n y o n e t o l e a v e
b l o g o $ $ e n t s . I f o u n d p r o f i l e s o n t h e w h o l e l e s s
i n t e r e s t i n g t h a n b l o g s , s i n e o f t e n t h e y w e r e l i t t l e
$ o r e t h a n a l i s t o f o n s u $ e r p r e f e r e n e s i n t e r $ s
o f $ u s i , $ o v i e s a n d b o o k s . I t t o o k $ e a b o u t 6
$ o n t h s b e f o r e I w a s a b l e t o $ a k e t h e " y # p a e
T o p 5 0 b l o g s o n a r e g u l a r b a s i s . T h i s r e & u i r e d
a r o u n d a t h o u s a n d h i t s a d a y . W h a t I e v e n t u a l l y
w o r k e d o u t w a s t h a t i t w a s e a s i e r t o g e t a r o u n d
100 people to look at the sa$e blog 10 ti$es in a
day than it was to get 1000 different people to
look at it. #o when so$eone o$$ented on the
blog I'd o$$ent bak, then they'd o$e bak to
see what I'd said( by suh $eans I was building a
following as $uh for the o$$ents as for the
atual blogs 0in effet the o$$ents setion of
$y blogs bea$e a hat roo$, people
o$$enting started talking to eah other as well
as to $e1. This was hard work, sine it $eant
ontinually interrupting other work I was doing to
log on to "y#pae, but it was effetive, for a
while I was ending up with ten or so pages of
o$$ents on eah blog, or about 250 o$$ents
fro$ other "y#pae users and 250 replies that I
left. 2aturally $y replies weren't always detailed(
I developed ath phrases suh as 'toot toot' to
deal &uikly with $uh of what was left by way of
response to $y blogs.
#o$e of $y standard replies to o$$ents were a
little $ore involved than a ath phrase suh as
9beep beep9, sine the ut and paste funtion on
o$puters $eans that I never need to be short of
sores of reusable lines. *eing "ister Trippy $y
off the peg responses inluded) 9Wow I'$ really
stoned... really tripping... out of... I've gone
a n d . . . I s h o u l d n ' t h a v e g o t t e n t h i s h i g h . . . I d i d n ' t
t a k e e n o u g h a i d t o g e t t h i s h i g h . . . e v e n $ y
p l a y t h i n g s w a l k e d t o # a t u r n . . . b e n d p e n i l
e r a s e r s . . . d e l i i o u s . . . a p p l e s e ! p l o d e i n t o
b u t t e r f l i e s . . . I g o t t a g e t o u t t a h e r e . . . o n e t w o
t h r e e f o u r . . . I a n h a r d l y s e e . . . t o $ b s
i n t e r l o k i n g . . . t o o $ u h a i d . . . t o o $ a n y o l o u r s
b l o w n u p i n $ y f a e 9 * u t I w o u l d s t r e s s I w a s
i n t e r e s t e d i n b u i l d i n g a o $ $ u n t y a n d w h a t i s
i $ p o r t a n t i s t h e f l o w o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s o n a n d o f f
l i n e ( s o $ e e t i n g p e o p l e f a e t o f a e w a s a l s o
i $ p o r t a n t . # o $ e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n $ y
b l o g I ' d k n o w n f o r y e a r s , o t h e r s I $ e t i n t h e f l e s h
a s a r e s u l t o f $ y a t i v i t i e s o n " y # p a e , s o $ e I
d i d n ' t e v e r $ e e t b u t t h e y $ a n a g e d t o h o o k u p f o r
d r i n k s o r w h a t e v e r w i t h o t h e r p e o p l e o $ i n g o n
t h e b l o g .
* u i l d i n g $ y b l o g t o o k s l i g h t l y l o n g e r t h a n t h i n k i n g
u p a n d a p p r o p r i a t i n g o $ $ e n t s . I u s e d a $ i ! t u r e
o f $ a t e r i a l I ' d a l r e a d y p r o d u e d s u h a s u l t u r a l
e s s a y s a n d i n t e r v i e w s f r o $ $ y o w n w e b s i t e
0 w h i h b y t h i s $ e a n s f o u n d f r e s h r e a d e r s 1 , a n d
t e ! t s r e a t e d e s p e i a l l y f o r t h e b l o g s u h a s
r e v i e w s o f t r a s h f i l $ s . " y $ o v i e f o u s w a s o n
e ! p l o i t a t i o n a n d s l e a ? e f r o $ a r o u n d t h e w o r l d
w i t h s o $ e s o i o l o g y o f u l t u r e t h r o w n i n . I a l s o
parodied the very popular list blogs for$at,
throwing so$e politial and theoretial ontent in
with the o$edy. 8ne of $y reworkings of a
for$ula blog list was the following( and I liked it
so $uh I posted it twie, one in #pring 200@
and again a year later on 1@ Aebruary 200B)
"10 Down & Dirty Sexually Perverted Things
About Me
91. ,lthough I a$ the illegiti$ate son of +#
president Cohn A. Dennedy, I think his old war
poliies suked and he was a war/$ongering 'erk.
8n $y paternity, please note this is not the kind
of 'oke o$$ent you often get in these 9lists9, $y
$other was part of the Deeler set of *ritish
wo$en with who$ Dennedy en'oyed se!ual
ongress and the 4re? visited 3ondon 5 $onths
before I was born / that said CAD wouldn't fae up
to his responsibilities so the spae for $y father's
na$e on $y birth ertifiate is blank 0but this
doesn't $ean that $y passion for o$$unis$ is
so$e kind of 8edipal rebellion1.
92. I have never felt the $aternal need to have
hildren beause I a$ a 9bloke9. I do have an
illegiti$ate daughter alled *ritney #pears,
o$pare how the two of us look and you'll lok
t h e l i k e n e s s .
9 E . I l o v e p s y h e d e l i d r u g s a n d $ u s i t h a t i s r e d
w i t h p u r p l e f l a s h e s ( a l o t o f p e o p l e t h i n k t h i s
$ a k e s $ e a h i p p i e , b u t I ' $ a t u a l l y a n , f r o / F e l t .
G e t t i n g o f f $ y f a e o n p s y h e d e l i d r u g s ' u s t
h a p p e n s t o b e a r e a l l y o o l w a y o f o n n e t i n g
w i t h $ y s e l f . 3 i k e w i s e , I a n ' t h e l p o n s i d e r i n g
b a n d s l i k e T h e F r e a t i o n , T h e * i r d s a n d T h e A l i e s
0 1 5 6 0 s 3 o n d o n f r e a k b e a t $ u s i , n o t t o b e
o n f u s e d w i t h F a l i f o r n i a n g r o u p s l i k e T h e * y r d s 1 ,
a t o t a l g r o o v e .
9 - . I f a n t a s i ? e a b o u t h a v i n g s e ! w i t h $ y s e l f / I
b e t y o u a l l d o < 6 o n ' t 3 i e .
9 5 . # t y r o f o a $ g i v e s $ e g o o s e b u $ p s a l l o v e r .
9 6 . I ' $ a d d i t e d t o C h e e z - t s ! I l o v e t h e $ . I e a t
t h e $ a l l d a y . I t a k e t h e $ t o w o r k w i t h $ e . I k e e p
a l i t t l e ? i p l o k b a g o f t h e $ n e ! t t o $ y b e d i n
a s e I w a k e u p i n t h e $ i d d l e o f t h e n i g h t a n d
n e e d s o $ e C h e e z - t s ! I p l a n w h a t d a y I ' l l d o $ y
f o o d s h o p p i n g b a s e d o n h o w $ u h C h e e z - t s I
h a v e l e f t . I a n s h a k e a b o ! a n d g u e s s h o w $ u h
l o n g e r t h a t p a r t i u l a r b o ! w i l l l a s t $ e b a s e d o n
h o w $ a n y C h e e z - t s a r e l e f t i n i t .
9 @ . I l i k e t o $ a k e a n i $ a l n o i s e s ( I a w a t r o w s ,
$ e o w a t a t s , b a r k l i k e a d o g a n d $ o o a t o w s .
%owever, $ost of all I like to s&ueak like a bat
beause I think it will entie $y friend Delly to
ontat $e.
9B. I don't wear $ake/up very often. %owever,
when I do, I go for eye liner, eye shadow,
powders and lip gloss. I en'oy looking nie.
95. I never lie and would instead find interesting
ways to 9bend9 the truth if this bea$e
neessary( but sine the notion of 9truth9 is
soially onstruted and isn't 9out there9, it an't
be 9found9 and therefore I don't need to ad'ust it.
910. I hate lists and refuse to o$pile the$.9
I also wrote fitional piees about $yself and
so$e of the regulars who ontributed o$$ents
to $y blog. In doing this I often adopted
post$odern literary tehni&ues, by for e!a$ple
taking newspaper stories and adapting na$es and
other details to $ake the$ about $e and $y
readers. Aor e!a$ple) 9, kinky se! esapade
ended this week with the eletroution death of a
*elfast $an and the arrest of his boyfriend for
$anslaughter. ,ording to ops, #tewart %o$e,
-5, first lai$ed that his boyfriend "ihael D was
shoked by his hair dryer. *ut he then ad$itted
that the ouple was 'into weird se!ual
b e h a v i o u r s , ' a o r d i n g t o a p r o b a b l e a u s e
a f f i d a v i t . % o $ e t h e n e ! p l a i n e d t h a t h e h o o k s l i p s
t o h i s b o y f r i e n d ' s n i p p l e s a n d ' p l u g s t h e o r d i n t o
a n e l e t r i s t r i p ' a n d s h o k s h i $ . 8 n T u e s d a y
e v e n i n g , % o $ e s a i d , " i h a e l w h o w a s v i s i t i n g h i $
i n * l o o $ s b u r y 0 3 o n d o n 1 r e $ o v e d h i s l o t h e s ,
a t t a h e d t h e l i p s , a n d s h o k e d h i $ s e l f . % o $ e
t h e n p i k e d u p t h e e l e t r i s t r i p a n d s h o k e d D
s e v e r a l $ o r e t i $ e s , a d d i n g t h a t h e h a d p l a e d a
p i e e o f e l e t r i t a p e o v e r D ' s $ o u t h d u r i n g t h e
' o l t s . , f t e r t h e l a s t s h o k , " i h a e l , - 0 , ' f e l l o v e r
o n t o h i s f a e . ' % o $ e i n i t i a l l y t h o u g h t h i s
b o y f r i e n d w a s ' o k i n g , b u t & u i k l y r e a l i ? e d h e w a s
u n o n s i o u s . % e t h e n d r e s s e d h i $ i n p r e p a r a t i o n
f o r g e t t i n g t o t h e h o s p i t a l , b u t i n s t e a d a l l e d 5 5 5
w h e n h e s t o p p e d b r e a t h i n g . % o $ e t o l d
i n v e s t i g a t o r s t h a t t h e o u p l e h a d ' b e e n e n g a g i n g
i n e l e t r i s h o k s e ! a n d o t h e r t y p e s o f e ! t r e $ e
b o n d a g e f o r a b o u t 2 y e a r s . ' % e w a s h a r g e d
y e s t e r d a y w i t h i n v o l u n t a r y $ a n s l a u g h t e r a n d
r e k l e s s e n d a n g e r $ e n t a n d w a s ' a i l e d i n t h e W e s t
. n d F e n t r a l p o l i e s t a t i o n 0 w h e r e h e r e $ a i n s i n
u s t o d y o n 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 b a i l 1 . 9
" y b l o g s o u l d a n d d i d g e t $ o r e s e r i o u s t h a n t h e
a b o v e e ! a $ p l e $ i g h t i n d i a t e . , n d s o $ e o f $ y
$ o r e o b v i o u s l y p o l i t i a l b l o g s d r e w o u t i n t e r e s t i n g
s t o r i e s i n t h e o $ $ e n t s . I r e p r o d u e b e l o w a b l o g
o f " # $ e b r u a r y " 0 0 % b e a u s e i t l e d t o r e a d e r s
r e o u n t i n g t h e i r o w n e ! p e r i e n e s o f p o l i e
h a r a s s $ e n t , o n e o f w h i h I f o u n d p a r t i u l a r l y
p e r t i n e n t a n d w i l l a l s o & u o t e i n f u l l . I t h i n k i t
u n l i k e l y t h a t e i t h e r o f t h e f o l l o w i n g t w o i n i d e n t s
w o u l d h a v e e n t e r e d t h e p u b l i d o $ a i n 0 a l b e i t i n a
l o w k e y $ a n n e r 1 h a d i t n o t b e e n f o r t h e b l o g g i n g
p h e n o $ e n o n )
" & e v e r ' i n d t h e t e r r o r i s t s ( ) r i t * o + s d e * i d e t o
h a s s l e + e o + l e o n t h e i r w a y t o t h e + u b i n s t e a d ! ! !
8 n W e d n e s d a y I g o t s t o p p e d u n d e r # e t i o n , - o f
T h e T e r r o r i s $ , t 2 0 0 0 . W h a t h a d I d o n e t o
a r o u s e s u s p i i o n : I ' d w a l k e d o u t o f 3 a d b r o k e
G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n < < < < 2 a u g h t y n a u g h t y
n a u g h t y < < < < # o t h e o l d b i l l w i t h w a r r a n t n o . 2 2 - 5 6
/ w h o w a s n ' t a l l o w e d t o g i v e $ e h i s n a $ e
b e a u s e h e w a s o n d u t i n g a ' o u n t e r t e r r o r i s $ '
s e a r h 0 9 ' , l l o , ' a l l o , ' a l l o w o t ' s g o i n ' o n ' e r e t h e n :
W h y h a v e y o u g o t t w o a r $ s a n d t w o l e g s : 9 1 /
d e $ a n d e d t o s e e $ y I 6 . T h i s w a s a n o d d t h i n g t o
a s k f o r b e a u s e t h e r e i s n o i d e n t i t y a r d s y s t e $
i n o p e r a t i o n i n t h e + D . I t h e r e f o r e a s k e d i f I ' d
u n d e r s t o o d o r r e t l y a n d w a s r e & u i r e d t o s h o w I 6
a n d w a s t o l d t h i s w a s t h e a s e . W a r r a n t n o . 22-56 aepted a university staff ard with a
photograph of $e on it as I6( although I
suspeted it would have pleased hi$ to arrest $e
for not possessing a non/e!istent +D I6 ard.
When I was asked what I worked as, I said
novelist beause while true it was not &uite
idential with the work for whih I'd shown a staff
ard. Warrant no. 22-56 wrote down a desription
of $e and this inluded the detail I was wearing
blak boots, although I was atually wearing blak
shoes, whih $ade $e further wonder what the
real point of all the 'ounter terrorist' ativity that
goes on in 3ondon is when $undane details like
this aren't orretly reorded by the old bill. 2o.
22-56 also noted $y #6. Fode, this is self
defined ethniity 0aording to the "ets 9what
ethni group you say your origins are fro$91,
although sine this was done without $e atually
being onsulted I so$ehow doubt that it went
down as 9,fro/Felti9( the detail was entered with
the ode W1. This funtions as another e!a$ple
of how in reality I was 'ust being hassled and the
ativity had nothing whatsoever to do with so
alled 'ounter terroris$'.
92e!t 2o. 22-56 got onto a &uestion whih
re$inded $e of how I was endlessly harassed by
t h e o l d b i l l a s a t e e n a g e r ) 9 % a v e y o u e v e r b e e n i n
t r o u b l e w i t h t h e p o l i e b e f o r e : 9 I & u e r i e d t h i s
f o r $ u l a t i o n b y a s k i n g ) 9 W h a t d o y o u $ e a n
b e f o r e : I ' $ n o t i n t r o u b l e n o w . 9 I w a s e v i d e n t l y
o r r e t s i n e I w a s n ' t a r r e s t e d a n d a l l t h e
s t a n d a r d r i $ i n a l h a r g e s e t i o n s o n t h e f o r $ 2 o .
2 2 - 5 6 f i l l e d i n w e r e i r l e d o n t h e ' n ' r a t h e r t h a n
t h e ' y ' s e t i o n / d a $ a g e a u s e d n o n e , i n ' u r y
a u s e d n o n e , p r o p e r t y r e o v e r e d 7 s e i ? e d n o n e ,
o f f e n s i v e w e a p o n n o n e , g i v e d e t a i l s n o n e . . . I t w a s
a l $ o s t % e g e l i a n i n t h e w a y w e w e r e o n s t a n t l y
g e t t i n g l o s e r t o n o t h i n g <
9 8 n b e i n g a s k e d w h y I w a s i n t h e a r e a I s a i d I
h a d l o n g s t a n d i n g o n n e t i o n s w i t h i t a n d t h a t $ y
$ o t h e r h a d l i v e d i n n e a r b y * a s s e t t ; o a d w h e n I
w a s b o r n a n d h a d d i e d i n F a $ b r i d g e G a r d e n s
0 b o t h o f w h i h r u n o f f 3 a d b r o k e G r o v e w h e r e I
w a s s t o p p e d 1 . I a l s o p o i n t e d o u t t h a t $ y $ o t h e r
b e i n g f o u n d n a k e d a n d d e a d o n h e r b e d w i t h t h e
d o o r t o h e r b e d s i t o p e n a n d t h e l i g h t s o n h a d n ' t
b e e n o n s i d e r e d s u s p i i o u s b y t h e l o a l p o l i e , s o
I d i d n ' t r e a l l y s e e w h y $ e w a l k i n g o u t o f
3 a d b r o k e G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n a p p e a r e d s u s p i i o u s
t o t h e $ . I w a s t h e n a s k e d w h e r e I w a s g o i n g a n d
s a i d 9 T h e W a r w i k 9 a n d w a s t o l d I o u l d g o (
a l t h o u g h a t u a l l y w h a t w a s t h e W a r w i k F a s t l e
and everyone still alls The Warwik has had the
na$e shortened to The Fastle and turned into
so$e sort of gastro night$are in an as yet
unsuessful atte$pt to lear out the deadbeats
who ongregate there. While the hange of deor
and shortening of the na$e hasn't got rid of us
yet, I'$ sure the prie inreases will... or polie
harass$ent. Fo$e to think of it ne!t ti$e I
arrange to $eet anyone in a pub I think I'll go to
a Weatherspoons on the other side of town....
,fter all at 22@ Westbourne 4ark ;oad opposite
The Warwik is an e&ually notorious tourist
attration, the site of the 9*lue 6oor9 in the fil$
"&otting ,ill" that led to the for$er residene of
the diretor ;ihard Furtis. In one of the fil$'s
endless low $o$ents %ugh Grant's Welsh
flat$ate appears there in his underpants. The
atual door was shipped to 6evon in 2000 after
being sold at Fhristie's for 5000. 3ikewise, the old
bill stopping $e on $y way to The Warwik under
the guise of 'preventing terroris$' is learly
o$plete and utter bolloks 'ust like the ;ihard
Furtis $ovie 9&otting ,ill"!9
This drew fro$ "ark / a bloke in his $id/forties
fro$ south 3ondon who generally responded to
$y blogs with witty one/liners the following story)
9 = e p . F o $ p l e t e a n d u t t e r b o l l o k s . % a p p e n e d t o
$ e a b o u t - y e a r s a g o , a n d I d i d a t u a l l y g e t
a r r e s t e d u n d e r t h e t e r r o r i s $ a t . W h a t h a p p e n e d
w a s t h a t I w a s p i s s e d , a n d I ' d g o t o n t h e w r o n g
t r a i n h o $ e t h a t w e n t $ i l e s i n t h e o p p o s i t e
d i r e t i o n 0 w h i h h a s a t u a l l y h a p p e n e d t o $ e a
f e w t i $ e s e $ b a r r a s s i n g l y , $ o s t r e e n t l y a b o u t a
y e a r a g o . . . . 1 I w o u l d ' v e g o t a a b b a k f r o $
F r o y d o n , b u t n o n e o f t h e s t r o p p y d r i v e r s w o u l d
t a k e s o $ e o n e a b i t w o b b l y o n t h e i r f e e t , a n d s o
o b v i o u s l y p i s s e d , s o t h e r e y a g o . # o a t r a i n i t
w a s , t h e r e w e r e s t i l l s o $ e r u n n i n g , t h o u g h t I
o u l d g e t o n e t o F r y s t a l 4 a l a e o r s o $ e t h i n g . G o t
o n a t r a i n , a n d a s s o o n a s t h e d o o r s s h u t , I
r e a l i s e d i t w a s f a s t t o G a t w i k . A u k . W e l l ,
G a t w i k s t a t i o n s e e $ e d l i k e a $ a ? e t r y i n g t o f i n d
y o u r w a y a r o u n d w h e n p i s s e d , I t e l l y o u . , n y w a y ,
a f t e r $ u h w a n d e r i n g a r o u n d p l a t f o r $ s s e e i n g
h o w t h e f u k I a n g e t b a k , I e v e n t u a l l y g e t
o l l a r e d b y a s o l i t a r y o p p e r i n u n i f o r $ w h o t e l l s
$ e I ' $ b e i n g p l a e d u n d e r a r r e s t u n d e r t h e
t e r r o r i s $ a t .
9 6 o n ' t r e $ e $ b e r a n y t h i n g a f t e r t h a t , I r e a l l y
d o n ' t . I $ u s t ' v e b l a k e d o u t , f a i n t e d o r
s o $ e t h i n g , I d o n ' t k n o w . 0 I w a s v e r y p i s s e d 1 3 a s t
t h i n g I r e $ e $ b e r i s b e i n g s e i ? e d b y t h e a r $ a n d
being esorted away. ,nyway, ne!t thing I know
it's dayti$e and I wake up fully lothed 0but
$inus 'aket and shoes1 in so$e private hospital
way out in the stiks in bloody Fhihester 0WTA:
That's -0 $iles away fro$ Frawley polie station,
where I was first taken to<1, like when The
Prisoner wakes up in The >illage for the first ti$e
or so$ething< ;eally fuking weird e!periene,
partiularly as the plae see$ed e$pty at first. I
find an unattended reeption desk, start shouting
9%ello:9 to no response for what see$ed like
bloody ages until eventually so$eone in harge
turns up. I'$ then told that I had 'tried to sale a
fene at Gatwik airport itself'< 0whih I was
absolutely nowhere near, inidentally.1 Auking
ludirous allegation, not only was I not anywhere
near any fenes, I was I2#I6. a bloody train
station, but seeing as I'$ arthriti in both knees
0and 'ust about $anage to walk unaided1, I
wouldn't even ,TT."4T to li$b any sodding
fene, anyway< In any ase, I was asking people
at the train station how I ould get %8"., so
W%= the fuk would I have tried to do T%,T:
9,nyway, after $uh pleading fro$ $e for the
ops to try and prove this o$plete and utter
bullshit, there wasn't any FFT> footage of this
a l l e g e d a t f o r t h o $ i n g , w h i h w a s n ' t a s u r p r i s e ,
s e e i n g a s i t n e v e r s o d d i n g h a p p e n e d i n t h e
s o d d i n g f i r s t p l a e < # o $ e f u k i n g b u l l s h i t w a n k e r
s t i t h / u p o p p e r t a k i n g a d v a n t a g e o f $ y s t a t e
a n d t r y i n g t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k g o o d t o h i s
b o s s e s o r s o $ e t h i n g , I a n o n l y g u e s s . 0 : 1 I n e v e r
d i d g e t $ y s h o e s b a k f r o $ t h e s w i n e e i t h e r , o r
t h e ' a k e t I w a s w e a r i n g . # u p p o s e t h e y t o o k
t h e $ a p a r t l o o k i n g f o r b o $ b s o r s o $ e t h i n g .
, n y w a y , I w a s n ' t h a r g e d w i t h a n y t h i n g o f a n y
k i n d , o r e v e n a u t i o n e d i n t h e e n d , a n d i t a l l g o t
& u i e t l y s w e p t u n d e r t h e a r p e t , e v e n t u a l l y . * u t
o n l y a f t e r t h e $ a s s i v e f u k i n g h e a d f u k
e ! p e r i e n e o f b e i n g i n u s t o d y t r y i n g t o p r o v e
$ y s e l f i n n o e n t t o p e o p l e w h o d i d n ' t w a n t t o
f u k i n g l i s t e n , t h o u g h . = e a h , s u p p o s e i t o u l d ' v e
b e e n $ u h w o r s e a n d i t o u l d ' v e b e e n a o p p e r
w i t h a g u n w h o w a n t e d t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k t h e
b i g ' h e r o ' t h e r e . . . , l l p r o b a b l y s o u n d s i n r e d i b l e ,
b u t a t r u e s t o r y , I k i d y o u n o t . T h e s h i t t i e s t t h i n g
t h a t ' s e v e r h a p p e n e d t o $ e . 9
W h i l e I i n ' e t e d p l e n t y o f h u $ o u r i n t o $ y b l o g s ,
w h a t I w a s d o i n g h a d a p o l i t i a l t h r u s t . I n r e d i b l y
$ y b l o g g i n g e f f o r t s w e r e n o t ' u s t r e o g n i s e d b u t
a l s o r e w a r d e d b y " y # p a e , s i n e w h e n t h e
p l a t f o r $ i n t r o d u e d a + D ' * l o g o f t h e W e e k '
feature in Aebruary 200B they $ade $ine the first
profile they endorsed through it. I knew fro$
other soures that "y#pae had been traking $y
ativities for so$e ti$e, sine the hits I was
getting had attrated the attention of their data
analysts. I got the i$pression they hadn't looked
at the atual ontent of the blogs too losely. In
so$e ways I found this odd beause the key to
reating a good blog is ontent. It was where a lot
of people fell down in their online ativities.
*loggers often appeared unable to $ove beyond
trivia to broader onerns, and $any postings
were badly written to boot( a little bit of rewriting
ould have $assively i$proved $any of the$.
Initially I'd wanted to pipe people off "y#pae
and onto $y own website
0Hwww.stewartho$esoiety.orgI1, but it &uikly
bea$e apparent this wasn't going to happen in
any big way. I wasn't doing badly on "y#pae but
the ontraditions of working in a web
environ$ent ontrolled by $edia $ogul ;upert
"urdoh eventually bea$e too $uh for $e.
Inreasingly I found o$$ents and other $aterial
deleted fro$ $y pages presu$ably beause it
was dee$ed offensive, and so$e of $y friends
had whole aounts deleted. Then early on @
" a r h 2 0 0 B I g o t a $ e s s a g e f r o $ " y # p a e ) 9 8 n
" a r h 1 0 t h , 2 0 0 B - + e r a t i o n M y S + a * e w i l l b r i n g
t h e t r o o p s i n D u w a i t a n d a l l o f " y # p a e a 3 I > .
s h o w i n D u l a b y t e % 6 t h a t t h e y ' l l n e v e r f o r g e t .
6 i s t u r b e d , 4 u s s y a t 6 o l l s , C e s s i a # i $ p s o n , A i l t e r ,
F a r l o s " e n i a , " e t a l # a n a ? , 6 C J / T r i p , 2 6 " 8 ; .
w i l l a l l b e a p a r t o f t h i s s p e t a u l a r e v e n t t h a t w i l l
b e s t r e a $ e d 3 I > . o n l y o n " y # p a e I t ' s 2 0 0 B
a n d t h e w o r l d h a s h a n g e d b u t o u r t r o o p s s t i l l
n e e d o u r s u p p o r t . 4 l e a s e d r o p b y a n d l e a v e a
s p e i a l $ e s s a g e f o r t h e t r o o p s 9 I t w a s o b v i o u s
" y # p a e w e r e n ' t i n t h e b u s i n e s s o f h e l p i n g $ e
d e l i v e r $ y p e r s o n a l $ e s s a g e t o t h e t r o o p s , w h i h
$ i g h t b e s u $ $ a r i s e d a s ) 9 A u k t h e a r $ y < T h e
o n l y g o o d s o l d i e r s a r e t h o s e w h o d e s e r t t a k i n g
t h e i r a r $ s w i t h t h e $ 9
# i n e I ' $ a g a i n s t i $ p e r i a l i s $ a n d o p p o s e r a i s t
s a d i s t s i n u n i f o r $ , I & u i k l y r e a h e d t h e
o n l u s i o n I w a n t e d t o d e l e t e $ y " y # p a e
a o u n t s . . . b u t b e f o r e d o i n g s o o n 1 0 " a r h 2 0 0 B
I t r i e d t o d i s u s s i t v i a a b l o g I p o s t e d o n @
" a r h . T h e f o l l o w i n g o $ $ e n t f r o $ F h r i s t o p h e r
2 o s n i b o r i s p r e t t y t y p i a l o f t h e r e a t i o n t o $ y
s u g g e s t i o n e v e r y o n e w h o o p p o s e d w a r s h o u l d g e t
o f f " y # p a e ) 9 A u k i n g h e l l , I ' $ i n l i n e d t o w a r d
b o y o t t i n g a n y s i t e t h a t h a s a n y t h i n g t o d o w i t h
the 4ussyat 6olls, never $ind the politial
agenda<... I boyott an awful lot / o$panies who
test on ani$als, use sweat shops, fund the *ush
ad$inistration, et., and tend to at upon $y
beliefs that the onsu$er should vote with their
wallet. *ut having one's voie heard is also
i$portant, whih is why I also try to $ake lear
preisely why I avoid ertain brands and so on.
"y#pae is a very good platfor$ for getting $y
views read. *+T / and here's the proble$ /
e!pressing dissent on "y#pae see$s to be
beo$ing inreasingly diffiult and the platfor$
appears to be beo$ing $ore adept at silening
the dissenters, one way or another...' 8ther
o$$ents pointed out the o$$erial benefits to
"y#pae of allying the$selves with soldiers)
9When push o$es to shove, a $ass/$arket
pheno$enon like "y#pae is going to go for
,pple 4ie and "otherhood every ti$e.9
I didn't and don't feel I need "yspae to get $y
voie heard. I went into "y#pae as a virtual
environ$ent with the intention of understanding
it and proving that I understood it by operating
suessfully within it. I did that, then I got off the
platfor$. When I'd finished with "y#pae I felt
like I wanted a break fro$ blogging. When I
s t a r t e d t o b l o g a g a i n I d i d s o w i t h W o r d 4 r e s s
s o f t w a r e t h a t I s t u k o n t o t h e b a k e n d o f $ y
o w n w e b s i t e . 2 o w I o n t r o l t h e h o r i ? o n t a l a n d I
o n t r o l t h e v e r t i a l , a n d I d o n ' t h a v e t o w o r r y
a b o u t ; u p e r t " u r d o h a n d h i s $ i n i o n s d e l e t i n g
$ a t e r i a l I ' v e p o s t e d b e a u s e t h e y d i s a g r e e w i t h
i t . A o r $ e t h i s i s t h e w a y f o r w a r d t o W e b 2 . 1 ,
r u n n i n g s o f t w a r e o n o u r o w n s i t e s t h a t a l l o w s
o t h e r s t o i n t e r a t w i t h u s o n l i n e .
-
C l i c k T h i s ? M y S p a c e + t h e P o r n o g r a p h y o f C o r p o r a t e l y C o n t r o l l e d V i r t u a l L i f e
S t e w a r t H o m e
r e a t e d o n ) W e d A e b - 1 @ ) - @ ) 5 @ 2 0 0 5
w w w . d i f f u s i o n . o r g . u k
6 I A A + # I 8 2 e * o o k s a r e d e s i g n e d t o b e f r e e l y
a v a i l a b l e t o d o w n l o a d , p r i n t o u t a n d s h a r e .
E
2 @
Click This?
MySpace + the
Pornography
of Corporately
Controlled
Virtual Life
T h e r e ' s b e e n a l o t o f t a l k a b o u t W e b 2 . 0 o v e r t h e
p a s t f e w y e a r s , a n d I ' v e f o u n d b e i n g a t i v e o n
s o i a l n e t w o r k i n g s i t e s h a s p r o v i d e d t h e b e s t
p l a e n o t o n l y t o r e s e a r h i t b u t t o a n e ! t e n t a l s o
t o d i s u s s i t . " y e ! p l o r a t i o n s s t a r t e d o n " y # p a e
i n t h e s p r i n g o f 2 0 0 6 a n d i n i t i a l l y I s e t u p a n
a o u n t a s " i s t e r T r i p p y . " y g i $ $ i k w a s t o
b e h a v e a s i f I w a s s o $ e o n e e l s e p r e t e n d i n g t o b e
$ e , s o I d e l i b e r a t e l y f u d g e d f a t s a n d g o t $ i n o r
t h i n g s w r o n g a b o u t $ y l i f e a n d w o r k . T h i s l e d t o a
e r t a i n a $ o u n t o f s p e u l a t i o n a s t o w h o w a s
r u n n i n g w h a t w a s t a k e n t o b e a ' f a k e ' # t e w a r t
% o $ e s i t e . I n e ! t s e t u p a n a o u n t f o r $ y
g i r l f r i e n d T e s s i e , o n e o f $ y v e n t r i l o & u i s t d o l l s . I
w a s f a $ i l i a r w i t h p h e n o $ e n a l i k e r a d i o
v e n t r i l o & u i s $ s o I f i g u r e d i n t e r n e t v e n t r i l o & u i s $
w o u l d w o r k ' u s t a s w e l l . I n o $ $ e n t s s h e p o s t e d ,
T e s s i e l a i $ e d t o b e p r e g n a n t a n d w o u l d b e o $ e
e n r a g e d w h e n I r e s p o n d e d b y p o i n t i n g o u t p l a s t i
d o l l s a n ' t h a v e b a b i e s ( i t w a s u r i o u s t h a t & u i t e a
f e w w o $ e n s u p p o r t e d T e s s i e b y p o s t i n g
$ e s s a g e s s a y i n g t h e i r b o y f r i e n d s w e r e ' u s t l i k e
$ e , s i n e t h e s e $ e n h a d i n s i s t e d t h e i r o t h e r h a l f
w a s n ' t k n o k e d u p w h e n t h e y r e a l l y w e r e i n t h e
l u b .
"y#pae divide their user profiles into different
setions) a $ain profile with self desription,
pitures, videos, $usi and o$$ents( a blog
whose $ost reent headlines if any are displayed
on the profile page( and finally a setion for
uploaded photographs. I e!ploited all these
features but deided to fous on blogging, despite
finding the "y#pae blog ulture e!tre$ely
o$petitive and bithy at its top end. There was a
ore group desperate to ride high in the "y#pae
blog harts. *eause the harts were o$piled on
the basis of daily hits, bloggers in the +#, were
getting up in the $iddle of the night to post
i$$ediately after eah 2- hour ounting swith
over, thereby ensuring they $a!i$ised the hits
they got on the first day eah new blog was up.
*eing based in .urope I ould roll out of bed at
$y usual ti$e and get a blog up at the beginning
of the "y#pae day. Titles of blogs were and are
i$portant, $ost people wanted to read about se!
and blogs that ategorised the$selves as being
about 'ro$ane and relationships' tended to get
the $ost hits. The overwhel$ing $a'ority of the
blogs weren't in the least bit interesting( reading
about busts/ups between top bloggers who'd also
beo$e lovers 'ust wasn't $y bag. That said
$iro/worlds tend to develop around suessful
b l o g s a n d I h a d o n e o f $ y o w n t h a t $ a y w e l l
h a v e a p p e a r e d b o r i n g a n d i $ p e n e t r a b l e t o a s u a l
v i s i t o r s .
" y " i s t e r T r i p p y b l o g w a s a l i t t l e u n u s u a l i n t h a t
b o t h I a n d t h e o r e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n i t
h a v e a p e n h a n t f o r r e a t i n g $ u l t i p l e f a k e p r o f i l e s
0 a n d i d e n t i a l l o n e s o f e a h o t h e r ' s p r o f i l e s 1 , s o
t h e r e w a s a l w a y s a n a i r o f u n e r t a i n t y o v e r
e ! a t l y w h o w a s l e a v i n g o $ $ e n t s . T h e s e
i d e n t i t y g a $ e s p l a y e d i n v i r t u a l s p a e f o u n d t h e i r
p r e / w e b r y s t a l l i s a t i o n i n 2 e o i s $ , w e r e b r o u g h t
o n t o t h e n e t v i a T h e 3 u t h e r * l i s s e t t 4 r o ' e t i n t h e
1 5 5 0 s , a n d a n b e t r a e d b a k t h r o u g h
$ i d / t w e n t i e t h e n t u r y u l t u r a l / p o l i t i o
$ o v e $ e n t s s u h a s 3 e t t r i s $ t o 6 a d a . 2 e w
r e a d e r s w h o r e s p o n d e d t o $ y b l o g s a n d 7 o r p r o f i l e
t e n d e d t o d e s r i b e t h e $ a n d t h e s e p r a t i e s a s
b o t h i n t r i g u i n g a n d d i s o r i e n t a t i n g .
W h e n I ' o i n e d " y # p a e i t w a s s t i l l p l a g u e d b y
p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s p a $ a d v e r t i s i n g a d u l t d a t i n g
s i t e s a n d w e b a $ s e r v i e s . T a k i n g o u t f r e e
$ e $ b e r s h i p w i t h t h e s e s e ! o n t a t s i t e s o f t e n
a l l o w s a p r o f i l e t o b e r e a t e d b u t d o e s n t a l l o w
r e s p o n s e s t o t h e ' b o t g i r l s ' 0 f a k e f e $ a l e s w i n g e r s 1
w h o i $ $ e d i a t e l y o $ e o n t o $ a l e s w h o d o n ' t
have a pre$iu$ paid subsription( these sites
have virtually no fe$ale $e$bers, and they are
unlikely to do $uh for the thousands of
heterose!ual $ales who take out subsriptions to
the$. 8ver the past few years "y#pae has
raked down on suh spa$ $erhants beause
they ut into the operation's revenue base by
$aking users distrustful of all advertisers. That
said, I found it fun replying to spa$ o$$ents.
*ak on "y#pae I ouldn't resist responding to
the bot girls who left $e and $illions of others
$essages along the lines of 9%ow was your
weekend:9 8ne of $y standard replies to this
was) 9%ey $y weekend was great. I $anaged to
sneak one of the unidentified bodies out of the
hospital $orgue. I've na$ed this stiff "arie and I
took her for a date. Thus did $idnight find the
two of us / I and $y "arie / en'oying an inti$ate
andle/lit tete/a/tete at #hoop's, a loal
roadhouse on the far edge of town. ;o$ane was
in the air, and "arie, whose only fault as a dinner
o$panion was a tendeny to keep slipping
sideways out of the booth, had never looked
lovelier. I had about deided to order the fish
akes and had li$bed on top of the table, the
better to urge "arie to try the
s v e n g a l i / a n d / $ e a t b a l l s , o r ' 1 2 i n h e s o f
h a p p i n e s s ' a s i t i s s o $ e t i $ e s a l l e d , w h e n t h e
r o a d h o u s e o w n e r a $ e o v e r ) ' 4 h e w $ a n < ' h e
s a i d t o $ e , p o i n t i n g a t " a r i e . ' = o u g o t t a g e t t h a t
t h i n g o u t o f h e r e . I t ' s s t a r t i n g t o s t i n k t h e p l a e
u p a n d p e o p l e a r e o $ p l a i n i n g . , r e y o u n u t s o r
s o $ e t h i n g : ' W e l l " a r i e w a s n ' t f e e l i n g t h a t h u n g r y
a n d I f e l t s o $ e t h i n g o t h e r t h a n f o o d w a s o n t h e
$ e n u , s o w e l e f t a n d I d r o v e h e r t o a r e $ o t e
b e a u t y s p o t w h e r e w e $ a d e p a s s i o n a t e l o v e . I
e v e n g o t h e r b a k i n t h e h o s p i t a l o o l e r w i t h o u t
a n y b o d y n o t i i n g " a r i e h a d b e e n $ i s s i n g f o r h a l f
t h e n i g h t . # o I h a d a g r e a t w e e k e n d . I t r u s t y o u r s
w a s a g r o o v e . . . 9 # t r a n g e l y I ' v e n e v e r h a d a r e p l y
t o t h i s s t y l e o f o $ $ e n t b u t t h e n u s u a l l y t h e
p e o p l e I w a s l e a v i n g t h e $ f o r w a n t e d p u n t e r s t o
p a r t w i t h a s h f o r a d u l t d a t i n g a n d 7 o r w e b a $
a n d p o r n o g r a p h y s e r v i e s .
, n o t h e r f a v o u r i t e t r i k o f $ i n e w a s t o r e s p o n d t o
t h o s e o f f e r i n g h e l p w i t h i n t e r n e t b u s i n e s s s t a r t u p
s h e $ e s w i t h t h e f o l l o w i n g ) 9 % e y I w a s
u n e $ p l o y e d a n d h o $ e l e s s a f t e r l o s i n g $ y ' o b
a n d $ y r e l a t i o n s h i p b r o k e u p b e a u s e I h a d
e r e t i l e d y s f u n t i o n , b u t I k e p t h e k i n g $ y
e $ a i l s a t t h e l o a l l i b r a r y a n d I s r a p e d t o g e t h e r
t h e $ o n e y t o g e t s o $ e s h a r e s a f t e r I w a s s e n t
so$e anony$ous hot stok business advie, and I
started $aking a bit of $oney and got a flat to
rent, then I bought >iagra on the net and that
solved $y relationship proble$s and as I got into
doing $ore business on the web I found I was
$aking a lot of $oney and I bought a house in
3ondon and then a holiday ho$e in #pain and
so$e really nie ars. 2ow I've got $aids and a
suessful $arriage too 0although $ost nights
these days I stay our late snorting oaine and
having se! with high lass hookers / in fat I'$
getting a blow 'ob right now fro$ a pre/op
transse!ual and I'$ using $y 4al$ $ini o$puter
to write you this $essage1. #o I an really
reo$$end these business tehni&ues you're
offering people. *ut what your friends need even
$ore than these tehni&ues are the unseured
loans I an arrange for the$ beause they an't
start a suessful internet business without proper
finanial bak up. 4eople are onned into thinking
they an build up one of these operations without
the finanial wherewithal but that 'ust isn't true,
beause all the $ost suessful businesses on the
net are properly apitalised...9
I tended not to bother responding to spa$
$essages that ran along the lines of 9%ey hek
o u t $ y b a n d , w e ' v e g o t n e w t r a k s u p a n d w e ' d
l i k e y o u t o l e t u s k n o w w h a t y o u t h i n k 9 ( a l t h o u g h
v e r y o a s i o n a l l y w h e n I d i d l i k t h r o u g h t o a
b a n d s i t e I w o u l d l e a v e a o $ $ e n t a l o n g t h e l i n e s
o f ) 9 = e a h I h e k e d o u t y o u r $ u s i $ a n , a n d i t
s u k s w o r s e t h a n a n i n f a n t t h a t $ i s s e d a f e e d b u t
s i n e t h e $ a r k e t d i s t o r t s e v e r y t h i n g , i f y o u a r r y
o n w i t h y o u r p r o $ o t i o n s t h e n t h e r e ' s a o n e i n a
h u n d r e d b i l l i o n h a n e y o u ' l l b e t h e n e ! t + 2 0 a n d
t h e y s u k e v e n w o r s e t h a n y o u 1 . 9
T o b u i l d $ y p r o f i l e a n d b l o g I h a d t o b e p r o a t i v e ,
o $ $ e n t i n g o n o t h e r p e o p l e ' s p a g e s a n d
r e s p o n d i n g t o o $ $ e n t s o n $ y o w n . I
s i $ u l t a n e o u s l y e ! t e n d e d $ y n e t w o r k b y
o n s e n t i n g t o b e ' f r i e n d s ' / o n e o f t h e t w o p r o f i l e s
i n v o l v e d h a s t o $ a k e a f r i e n d r e & u e s t / w i t h o t h e r
u s e r s . 8 n l y f r i e n d s a n l e a v e p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s
b u t y o u a n o p t a s I d i d t o a l l o w a n y o n e t o l e a v e
b l o g o $ $ e n t s . I f o u n d p r o f i l e s o n t h e w h o l e l e s s
i n t e r e s t i n g t h a n b l o g s , s i n e o f t e n t h e y w e r e l i t t l e
$ o r e t h a n a l i s t o f o n s u $ e r p r e f e r e n e s i n t e r $ s
o f $ u s i , $ o v i e s a n d b o o k s . I t t o o k $ e a b o u t 6
$ o n t h s b e f o r e I w a s a b l e t o $ a k e t h e " y # p a e
T o p 5 0 b l o g s o n a r e g u l a r b a s i s . T h i s r e & u i r e d
a r o u n d a t h o u s a n d h i t s a d a y . W h a t I e v e n t u a l l y
w o r k e d o u t w a s t h a t i t w a s e a s i e r t o g e t a r o u n d
100 people to look at the sa$e blog 10 ti$es in a
day than it was to get 1000 different people to
look at it. #o when so$eone o$$ented on the
blog I'd o$$ent bak, then they'd o$e bak to
see what I'd said( by suh $eans I was building a
following as $uh for the o$$ents as for the
atual blogs 0in effet the o$$ents setion of
$y blogs bea$e a hat roo$, people
o$$enting started talking to eah other as well
as to $e1. This was hard work, sine it $eant
ontinually interrupting other work I was doing to
log on to "y#pae, but it was effetive, for a
while I was ending up with ten or so pages of
o$$ents on eah blog, or about 250 o$$ents
fro$ other "y#pae users and 250 replies that I
left. 2aturally $y replies weren't always detailed(
I developed ath phrases suh as 'toot toot' to
deal &uikly with $uh of what was left by way of
response to $y blogs.
#o$e of $y standard replies to o$$ents were a
little $ore involved than a ath phrase suh as
9beep beep9, sine the ut and paste funtion on
o$puters $eans that I never need to be short of
sores of reusable lines. *eing "ister Trippy $y
off the peg responses inluded) 9Wow I'$ really
stoned... really tripping... out of... I've gone
a n d . . . I s h o u l d n ' t h a v e g o t t e n t h i s h i g h . . . I d i d n ' t
t a k e e n o u g h a i d t o g e t t h i s h i g h . . . e v e n $ y
p l a y t h i n g s w a l k e d t o # a t u r n . . . b e n d p e n i l
e r a s e r s . . . d e l i i o u s . . . a p p l e s e ! p l o d e i n t o
b u t t e r f l i e s . . . I g o t t a g e t o u t t a h e r e . . . o n e t w o
t h r e e f o u r . . . I a n h a r d l y s e e . . . t o $ b s
i n t e r l o k i n g . . . t o o $ u h a i d . . . t o o $ a n y o l o u r s
b l o w n u p i n $ y f a e 9 * u t I w o u l d s t r e s s I w a s
i n t e r e s t e d i n b u i l d i n g a o $ $ u n t y a n d w h a t i s
i $ p o r t a n t i s t h e f l o w o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s o n a n d o f f
l i n e ( s o $ e e t i n g p e o p l e f a e t o f a e w a s a l s o
i $ p o r t a n t . # o $ e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n $ y
b l o g I ' d k n o w n f o r y e a r s , o t h e r s I $ e t i n t h e f l e s h
a s a r e s u l t o f $ y a t i v i t i e s o n " y # p a e , s o $ e I
d i d n ' t e v e r $ e e t b u t t h e y $ a n a g e d t o h o o k u p f o r
d r i n k s o r w h a t e v e r w i t h o t h e r p e o p l e o $ i n g o n
t h e b l o g .
* u i l d i n g $ y b l o g t o o k s l i g h t l y l o n g e r t h a n t h i n k i n g
u p a n d a p p r o p r i a t i n g o $ $ e n t s . I u s e d a $ i ! t u r e
o f $ a t e r i a l I ' d a l r e a d y p r o d u e d s u h a s u l t u r a l
e s s a y s a n d i n t e r v i e w s f r o $ $ y o w n w e b s i t e
0 w h i h b y t h i s $ e a n s f o u n d f r e s h r e a d e r s 1 , a n d
t e ! t s r e a t e d e s p e i a l l y f o r t h e b l o g s u h a s
r e v i e w s o f t r a s h f i l $ s . " y $ o v i e f o u s w a s o n
e ! p l o i t a t i o n a n d s l e a ? e f r o $ a r o u n d t h e w o r l d
w i t h s o $ e s o i o l o g y o f u l t u r e t h r o w n i n . I a l s o
parodied the very popular list blogs for$at,
throwing so$e politial and theoretial ontent in
with the o$edy. 8ne of $y reworkings of a
for$ula blog list was the following( and I liked it
so $uh I posted it twie, one in #pring 200@
and again a year later on 1@ Aebruary 200B)
"10 Down & Dirty Sexually Perverted Things
About Me
91. ,lthough I a$ the illegiti$ate son of +#
president Cohn A. Dennedy, I think his old war
poliies suked and he was a war/$ongering 'erk.
8n $y paternity, please note this is not the kind
of 'oke o$$ent you often get in these 9lists9, $y
$other was part of the Deeler set of *ritish
wo$en with who$ Dennedy en'oyed se!ual
ongress and the 4re? visited 3ondon 5 $onths
before I was born / that said CAD wouldn't fae up
to his responsibilities so the spae for $y father's
na$e on $y birth ertifiate is blank 0but this
doesn't $ean that $y passion for o$$unis$ is
so$e kind of 8edipal rebellion1.
92. I have never felt the $aternal need to have
hildren beause I a$ a 9bloke9. I do have an
illegiti$ate daughter alled *ritney #pears,
o$pare how the two of us look and you'll lok
t h e l i k e n e s s .
9 E . I l o v e p s y h e d e l i d r u g s a n d $ u s i t h a t i s r e d
w i t h p u r p l e f l a s h e s ( a l o t o f p e o p l e t h i n k t h i s
$ a k e s $ e a h i p p i e , b u t I ' $ a t u a l l y a n , f r o / F e l t .
G e t t i n g o f f $ y f a e o n p s y h e d e l i d r u g s ' u s t
h a p p e n s t o b e a r e a l l y o o l w a y o f o n n e t i n g
w i t h $ y s e l f . 3 i k e w i s e , I a n ' t h e l p o n s i d e r i n g
b a n d s l i k e T h e F r e a t i o n , T h e * i r d s a n d T h e A l i e s
0 1 5 6 0 s 3 o n d o n f r e a k b e a t $ u s i , n o t t o b e
o n f u s e d w i t h F a l i f o r n i a n g r o u p s l i k e T h e * y r d s 1 ,
a t o t a l g r o o v e .
9 - . I f a n t a s i ? e a b o u t h a v i n g s e ! w i t h $ y s e l f / I
b e t y o u a l l d o < 6 o n ' t 3 i e .
9 5 . # t y r o f o a $ g i v e s $ e g o o s e b u $ p s a l l o v e r .
9 6 . I ' $ a d d i t e d t o C h e e z - t s ! I l o v e t h e $ . I e a t
t h e $ a l l d a y . I t a k e t h e $ t o w o r k w i t h $ e . I k e e p
a l i t t l e ? i p l o k b a g o f t h e $ n e ! t t o $ y b e d i n
a s e I w a k e u p i n t h e $ i d d l e o f t h e n i g h t a n d
n e e d s o $ e C h e e z - t s ! I p l a n w h a t d a y I ' l l d o $ y
f o o d s h o p p i n g b a s e d o n h o w $ u h C h e e z - t s I
h a v e l e f t . I a n s h a k e a b o ! a n d g u e s s h o w $ u h
l o n g e r t h a t p a r t i u l a r b o ! w i l l l a s t $ e b a s e d o n
h o w $ a n y C h e e z - t s a r e l e f t i n i t .
9 @ . I l i k e t o $ a k e a n i $ a l n o i s e s ( I a w a t r o w s ,
$ e o w a t a t s , b a r k l i k e a d o g a n d $ o o a t o w s .
%owever, $ost of all I like to s&ueak like a bat
beause I think it will entie $y friend Delly to
ontat $e.
9B. I don't wear $ake/up very often. %owever,
when I do, I go for eye liner, eye shadow,
powders and lip gloss. I en'oy looking nie.
95. I never lie and would instead find interesting
ways to 9bend9 the truth if this bea$e
neessary( but sine the notion of 9truth9 is
soially onstruted and isn't 9out there9, it an't
be 9found9 and therefore I don't need to ad'ust it.
910. I hate lists and refuse to o$pile the$.9
I also wrote fitional piees about $yself and
so$e of the regulars who ontributed o$$ents
to $y blog. In doing this I often adopted
post$odern literary tehni&ues, by for e!a$ple
taking newspaper stories and adapting na$es and
other details to $ake the$ about $e and $y
readers. Aor e!a$ple) 9, kinky se! esapade
ended this week with the eletroution death of a
*elfast $an and the arrest of his boyfriend for
$anslaughter. ,ording to ops, #tewart %o$e,
-5, first lai$ed that his boyfriend "ihael D was
shoked by his hair dryer. *ut he then ad$itted
that the ouple was 'into weird se!ual
b e h a v i o u r s , ' a o r d i n g t o a p r o b a b l e a u s e
a f f i d a v i t . % o $ e t h e n e ! p l a i n e d t h a t h e h o o k s l i p s
t o h i s b o y f r i e n d ' s n i p p l e s a n d ' p l u g s t h e o r d i n t o
a n e l e t r i s t r i p ' a n d s h o k s h i $ . 8 n T u e s d a y
e v e n i n g , % o $ e s a i d , " i h a e l w h o w a s v i s i t i n g h i $
i n * l o o $ s b u r y 0 3 o n d o n 1 r e $ o v e d h i s l o t h e s ,
a t t a h e d t h e l i p s , a n d s h o k e d h i $ s e l f . % o $ e
t h e n p i k e d u p t h e e l e t r i s t r i p a n d s h o k e d D
s e v e r a l $ o r e t i $ e s , a d d i n g t h a t h e h a d p l a e d a
p i e e o f e l e t r i t a p e o v e r D ' s $ o u t h d u r i n g t h e
' o l t s . , f t e r t h e l a s t s h o k , " i h a e l , - 0 , ' f e l l o v e r
o n t o h i s f a e . ' % o $ e i n i t i a l l y t h o u g h t h i s
b o y f r i e n d w a s ' o k i n g , b u t & u i k l y r e a l i ? e d h e w a s
u n o n s i o u s . % e t h e n d r e s s e d h i $ i n p r e p a r a t i o n
f o r g e t t i n g t o t h e h o s p i t a l , b u t i n s t e a d a l l e d 5 5 5
w h e n h e s t o p p e d b r e a t h i n g . % o $ e t o l d
i n v e s t i g a t o r s t h a t t h e o u p l e h a d ' b e e n e n g a g i n g
i n e l e t r i s h o k s e ! a n d o t h e r t y p e s o f e ! t r e $ e
b o n d a g e f o r a b o u t 2 y e a r s . ' % e w a s h a r g e d
y e s t e r d a y w i t h i n v o l u n t a r y $ a n s l a u g h t e r a n d
r e k l e s s e n d a n g e r $ e n t a n d w a s ' a i l e d i n t h e W e s t
. n d F e n t r a l p o l i e s t a t i o n 0 w h e r e h e r e $ a i n s i n
u s t o d y o n 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 b a i l 1 . 9
" y b l o g s o u l d a n d d i d g e t $ o r e s e r i o u s t h a n t h e
a b o v e e ! a $ p l e $ i g h t i n d i a t e . , n d s o $ e o f $ y
$ o r e o b v i o u s l y p o l i t i a l b l o g s d r e w o u t i n t e r e s t i n g
s t o r i e s i n t h e o $ $ e n t s . I r e p r o d u e b e l o w a b l o g
o f " # $ e b r u a r y " 0 0 % b e a u s e i t l e d t o r e a d e r s
r e o u n t i n g t h e i r o w n e ! p e r i e n e s o f p o l i e
h a r a s s $ e n t , o n e o f w h i h I f o u n d p a r t i u l a r l y
p e r t i n e n t a n d w i l l a l s o & u o t e i n f u l l . I t h i n k i t
u n l i k e l y t h a t e i t h e r o f t h e f o l l o w i n g t w o i n i d e n t s
w o u l d h a v e e n t e r e d t h e p u b l i d o $ a i n 0 a l b e i t i n a
l o w k e y $ a n n e r 1 h a d i t n o t b e e n f o r t h e b l o g g i n g
p h e n o $ e n o n )
" & e v e r ' i n d t h e t e r r o r i s t s ( ) r i t * o + s d e * i d e t o
h a s s l e + e o + l e o n t h e i r w a y t o t h e + u b i n s t e a d ! ! !
8 n W e d n e s d a y I g o t s t o p p e d u n d e r # e t i o n , - o f
T h e T e r r o r i s $ , t 2 0 0 0 . W h a t h a d I d o n e t o
a r o u s e s u s p i i o n : I ' d w a l k e d o u t o f 3 a d b r o k e
G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n < < < < 2 a u g h t y n a u g h t y
n a u g h t y < < < < # o t h e o l d b i l l w i t h w a r r a n t n o . 2 2 - 5 6
/ w h o w a s n ' t a l l o w e d t o g i v e $ e h i s n a $ e
b e a u s e h e w a s o n d u t i n g a ' o u n t e r t e r r o r i s $ '
s e a r h 0 9 ' , l l o , ' a l l o , ' a l l o w o t ' s g o i n ' o n ' e r e t h e n :
W h y h a v e y o u g o t t w o a r $ s a n d t w o l e g s : 9 1 /
d e $ a n d e d t o s e e $ y I 6 . T h i s w a s a n o d d t h i n g t o
a s k f o r b e a u s e t h e r e i s n o i d e n t i t y a r d s y s t e $
i n o p e r a t i o n i n t h e + D . I t h e r e f o r e a s k e d i f I ' d
u n d e r s t o o d o r r e t l y a n d w a s r e & u i r e d t o s h o w I 6
a n d w a s t o l d t h i s w a s t h e a s e . W a r r a n t n o .
22-56 aepted a university staff ard with a
photograph of $e on it as I6( although I
suspeted it would have pleased hi$ to arrest $e
for not possessing a non/e!istent +D I6 ard.
When I was asked what I worked as, I said
novelist beause while true it was not &uite
idential with the work for whih I'd shown a staff
ard. Warrant no. 22-56 wrote down a desription
of $e and this inluded the detail I was wearing
blak boots, although I was atually wearing blak
shoes, whih $ade $e further wonder what the
real point of all the 'ounter terrorist' ativity that
goes on in 3ondon is when $undane details like
this aren't orretly reorded by the old bill. 2o.
22-56 also noted $y #6. Fode, this is self
defined ethniity 0aording to the "ets 9what
ethni group you say your origins are fro$91,
although sine this was done without $e atually
being onsulted I so$ehow doubt that it went
down as 9,fro/Felti9( the detail was entered with
the ode W1. This funtions as another e!a$ple
of how in reality I was 'ust being hassled and the
ativity had nothing whatsoever to do with so
alled 'ounter terroris$'.
92e!t 2o. 22-56 got onto a &uestion whih
re$inded $e of how I was endlessly harassed by
t h e o l d b i l l a s a t e e n a g e r ) 9 % a v e y o u e v e r b e e n i n
t r o u b l e w i t h t h e p o l i e b e f o r e : 9 I & u e r i e d t h i s
f o r $ u l a t i o n b y a s k i n g ) 9 W h a t d o y o u $ e a n
b e f o r e : I ' $ n o t i n t r o u b l e n o w . 9 I w a s e v i d e n t l y
o r r e t s i n e I w a s n ' t a r r e s t e d a n d a l l t h e
s t a n d a r d r i $ i n a l h a r g e s e t i o n s o n t h e f o r $ 2 o .
2 2 - 5 6 f i l l e d i n w e r e i r l e d o n t h e ' n ' r a t h e r t h a n
t h e ' y ' s e t i o n / d a $ a g e a u s e d n o n e , i n ' u r y
a u s e d n o n e , p r o p e r t y r e o v e r e d 7 s e i ? e d n o n e ,
o f f e n s i v e w e a p o n n o n e , g i v e d e t a i l s n o n e . . . I t w a s
a l $ o s t % e g e l i a n i n t h e w a y w e w e r e o n s t a n t l y
g e t t i n g l o s e r t o n o t h i n g <
9 8 n b e i n g a s k e d w h y I w a s i n t h e a r e a I s a i d I
h a d l o n g s t a n d i n g o n n e t i o n s w i t h i t a n d t h a t $ y
$ o t h e r h a d l i v e d i n n e a r b y * a s s e t t ; o a d w h e n I
w a s b o r n a n d h a d d i e d i n F a $ b r i d g e G a r d e n s
0 b o t h o f w h i h r u n o f f 3 a d b r o k e G r o v e w h e r e I
w a s s t o p p e d 1 . I a l s o p o i n t e d o u t t h a t $ y $ o t h e r
b e i n g f o u n d n a k e d a n d d e a d o n h e r b e d w i t h t h e
d o o r t o h e r b e d s i t o p e n a n d t h e l i g h t s o n h a d n ' t
b e e n o n s i d e r e d s u s p i i o u s b y t h e l o a l p o l i e , s o
I d i d n ' t r e a l l y s e e w h y $ e w a l k i n g o u t o f
3 a d b r o k e G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n a p p e a r e d s u s p i i o u s
t o t h e $ . I w a s t h e n a s k e d w h e r e I w a s g o i n g a n d
s a i d 9 T h e W a r w i k 9 a n d w a s t o l d I o u l d g o (
a l t h o u g h a t u a l l y w h a t w a s t h e W a r w i k F a s t l e
and everyone still alls The Warwik has had the
na$e shortened to The Fastle and turned into
so$e sort of gastro night$are in an as yet
unsuessful atte$pt to lear out the deadbeats
who ongregate there. While the hange of deor
and shortening of the na$e hasn't got rid of us
yet, I'$ sure the prie inreases will... or polie
harass$ent. Fo$e to think of it ne!t ti$e I
arrange to $eet anyone in a pub I think I'll go to
a Weatherspoons on the other side of town....
,fter all at 22@ Westbourne 4ark ;oad opposite
The Warwik is an e&ually notorious tourist
attration, the site of the 9*lue 6oor9 in the fil$
"&otting ,ill" that led to the for$er residene of
the diretor ;ihard Furtis. In one of the fil$'s
endless low $o$ents %ugh Grant's Welsh
flat$ate appears there in his underpants. The
atual door was shipped to 6evon in 2000 after
being sold at Fhristie's for 5000. 3ikewise, the old
bill stopping $e on $y way to The Warwik under
the guise of 'preventing terroris$' is learly
o$plete and utter bolloks 'ust like the ;ihard
Furtis $ovie 9&otting ,ill"!9
This drew fro$ "ark / a bloke in his $id/forties
fro$ south 3ondon who generally responded to
$y blogs with witty one/liners the following story)
9 = e p . F o $ p l e t e a n d u t t e r b o l l o k s . % a p p e n e d t o
$ e a b o u t - y e a r s a g o , a n d I d i d a t u a l l y g e t
a r r e s t e d u n d e r t h e t e r r o r i s $ a t . W h a t h a p p e n e d
w a s t h a t I w a s p i s s e d , a n d I ' d g o t o n t h e w r o n g
t r a i n h o $ e t h a t w e n t $ i l e s i n t h e o p p o s i t e
d i r e t i o n 0 w h i h h a s a t u a l l y h a p p e n e d t o $ e a
f e w t i $ e s e $ b a r r a s s i n g l y , $ o s t r e e n t l y a b o u t a
y e a r a g o . . . . 1 I w o u l d ' v e g o t a a b b a k f r o $
F r o y d o n , b u t n o n e o f t h e s t r o p p y d r i v e r s w o u l d
t a k e s o $ e o n e a b i t w o b b l y o n t h e i r f e e t , a n d s o
o b v i o u s l y p i s s e d , s o t h e r e y a g o . # o a t r a i n i t
w a s , t h e r e w e r e s t i l l s o $ e r u n n i n g , t h o u g h t I
o u l d g e t o n e t o F r y s t a l 4 a l a e o r s o $ e t h i n g . G o t
o n a t r a i n , a n d a s s o o n a s t h e d o o r s s h u t , I
r e a l i s e d i t w a s f a s t t o G a t w i k . A u k . W e l l ,
G a t w i k s t a t i o n s e e $ e d l i k e a $ a ? e t r y i n g t o f i n d
y o u r w a y a r o u n d w h e n p i s s e d , I t e l l y o u . , n y w a y ,
a f t e r $ u h w a n d e r i n g a r o u n d p l a t f o r $ s s e e i n g
h o w t h e f u k I a n g e t b a k , I e v e n t u a l l y g e t
o l l a r e d b y a s o l i t a r y o p p e r i n u n i f o r $ w h o t e l l s
$ e I ' $ b e i n g p l a e d u n d e r a r r e s t u n d e r t h e
t e r r o r i s $ a t .
9 6 o n ' t r e $ e $ b e r a n y t h i n g a f t e r t h a t , I r e a l l y
d o n ' t . I $ u s t ' v e b l a k e d o u t , f a i n t e d o r
s o $ e t h i n g , I d o n ' t k n o w . 0 I w a s v e r y p i s s e d 1 3 a s t
t h i n g I r e $ e $ b e r i s b e i n g s e i ? e d b y t h e a r $ a n d
being esorted away. ,nyway, ne!t thing I know
it's dayti$e and I wake up fully lothed 0but
$inus 'aket and shoes1 in so$e private hospital
way out in the stiks in bloody Fhihester 0WTA:
That's -0 $iles away fro$ Frawley polie station,
where I was first taken to<1, like when The
Prisoner wakes up in The >illage for the first ti$e
or so$ething< ;eally fuking weird e!periene,
partiularly as the plae see$ed e$pty at first. I
find an unattended reeption desk, start shouting
9%ello:9 to no response for what see$ed like
bloody ages until eventually so$eone in harge
turns up. I'$ then told that I had 'tried to sale a
fene at Gatwik airport itself'< 0whih I was
absolutely nowhere near, inidentally.1 Auking
ludirous allegation, not only was I not anywhere
near any fenes, I was I2#I6. a bloody train
station, but seeing as I'$ arthriti in both knees
0and 'ust about $anage to walk unaided1, I
wouldn't even ,TT."4T to li$b any sodding
fene, anyway< In any ase, I was asking people
at the train station how I ould get %8"., so
W%= the fuk would I have tried to do T%,T:
9,nyway, after $uh pleading fro$ $e for the
ops to try and prove this o$plete and utter
bullshit, there wasn't any FFT> footage of this
a l l e g e d a t f o r t h o $ i n g , w h i h w a s n ' t a s u r p r i s e ,
s e e i n g a s i t n e v e r s o d d i n g h a p p e n e d i n t h e
s o d d i n g f i r s t p l a e < # o $ e f u k i n g b u l l s h i t w a n k e r
s t i t h / u p o p p e r t a k i n g a d v a n t a g e o f $ y s t a t e
a n d t r y i n g t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k g o o d t o h i s
b o s s e s o r s o $ e t h i n g , I a n o n l y g u e s s . 0 : 1 I n e v e r
d i d g e t $ y s h o e s b a k f r o $ t h e s w i n e e i t h e r , o r
t h e ' a k e t I w a s w e a r i n g . # u p p o s e t h e y t o o k
t h e $ a p a r t l o o k i n g f o r b o $ b s o r s o $ e t h i n g .
, n y w a y , I w a s n ' t h a r g e d w i t h a n y t h i n g o f a n y
k i n d , o r e v e n a u t i o n e d i n t h e e n d , a n d i t a l l g o t
& u i e t l y s w e p t u n d e r t h e a r p e t , e v e n t u a l l y . * u t
o n l y a f t e r t h e $ a s s i v e f u k i n g h e a d f u k
e ! p e r i e n e o f b e i n g i n u s t o d y t r y i n g t o p r o v e
$ y s e l f i n n o e n t t o p e o p l e w h o d i d n ' t w a n t t o
f u k i n g l i s t e n , t h o u g h . = e a h , s u p p o s e i t o u l d ' v e
b e e n $ u h w o r s e a n d i t o u l d ' v e b e e n a o p p e r
w i t h a g u n w h o w a n t e d t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k t h e
b i g ' h e r o ' t h e r e . . . , l l p r o b a b l y s o u n d s i n r e d i b l e ,
b u t a t r u e s t o r y , I k i d y o u n o t . T h e s h i t t i e s t t h i n g
t h a t ' s e v e r h a p p e n e d t o $ e . 9
W h i l e I i n ' e t e d p l e n t y o f h u $ o u r i n t o $ y b l o g s ,
w h a t I w a s d o i n g h a d a p o l i t i a l t h r u s t . I n r e d i b l y
$ y b l o g g i n g e f f o r t s w e r e n o t ' u s t r e o g n i s e d b u t
a l s o r e w a r d e d b y " y # p a e , s i n e w h e n t h e
p l a t f o r $ i n t r o d u e d a + D ' * l o g o f t h e W e e k '
feature in Aebruary 200B they $ade $ine the first
profile they endorsed through it. I knew fro$
other soures that "y#pae had been traking $y
ativities for so$e ti$e, sine the hits I was
getting had attrated the attention of their data
analysts. I got the i$pression they hadn't looked
at the atual ontent of the blogs too losely. In
so$e ways I found this odd beause the key to
reating a good blog is ontent. It was where a lot
of people fell down in their online ativities.
*loggers often appeared unable to $ove beyond
trivia to broader onerns, and $any postings
were badly written to boot( a little bit of rewriting
ould have $assively i$proved $any of the$.
Initially I'd wanted to pipe people off "y#pae
and onto $y own website
0Hwww.stewartho$esoiety.orgI1, but it &uikly
bea$e apparent this wasn't going to happen in
any big way. I wasn't doing badly on "y#pae but
the ontraditions of working in a web
environ$ent ontrolled by $edia $ogul ;upert
"urdoh eventually bea$e too $uh for $e.
Inreasingly I found o$$ents and other $aterial
deleted fro$ $y pages presu$ably beause it
was dee$ed offensive, and so$e of $y friends
had whole aounts deleted. Then early on @
" a r h 2 0 0 B I g o t a $ e s s a g e f r o $ " y # p a e ) 9 8 n
" a r h 1 0 t h , 2 0 0 B - + e r a t i o n M y S + a * e w i l l b r i n g
t h e t r o o p s i n D u w a i t a n d a l l o f " y # p a e a 3 I > .
s h o w i n D u l a b y t e % 6 t h a t t h e y ' l l n e v e r f o r g e t .
6 i s t u r b e d , 4 u s s y a t 6 o l l s , C e s s i a # i $ p s o n , A i l t e r ,
F a r l o s " e n i a , " e t a l # a n a ? , 6 C J / T r i p , 2 6 " 8 ; .
w i l l a l l b e a p a r t o f t h i s s p e t a u l a r e v e n t t h a t w i l l
b e s t r e a $ e d 3 I > . o n l y o n " y # p a e I t ' s 2 0 0 B
a n d t h e w o r l d h a s h a n g e d b u t o u r t r o o p s s t i l l
n e e d o u r s u p p o r t . 4 l e a s e d r o p b y a n d l e a v e a
s p e i a l $ e s s a g e f o r t h e t r o o p s 9 I t w a s o b v i o u s
" y # p a e w e r e n ' t i n t h e b u s i n e s s o f h e l p i n g $ e
d e l i v e r $ y p e r s o n a l $ e s s a g e t o t h e t r o o p s , w h i h
$ i g h t b e s u $ $ a r i s e d a s ) 9 A u k t h e a r $ y < T h e
o n l y g o o d s o l d i e r s a r e t h o s e w h o d e s e r t t a k i n g
t h e i r a r $ s w i t h t h e $ 9
# i n e I ' $ a g a i n s t i $ p e r i a l i s $ a n d o p p o s e r a i s t
s a d i s t s i n u n i f o r $ , I & u i k l y r e a h e d t h e
o n l u s i o n I w a n t e d t o d e l e t e $ y " y # p a e
a o u n t s . . . b u t b e f o r e d o i n g s o o n 1 0 " a r h 2 0 0 B
I t r i e d t o d i s u s s i t v i a a b l o g I p o s t e d o n @
" a r h . T h e f o l l o w i n g o $ $ e n t f r o $ F h r i s t o p h e r
2 o s n i b o r i s p r e t t y t y p i a l o f t h e r e a t i o n t o $ y
s u g g e s t i o n e v e r y o n e w h o o p p o s e d w a r s h o u l d g e t
o f f " y # p a e ) 9 A u k i n g h e l l , I ' $ i n l i n e d t o w a r d
b o y o t t i n g a n y s i t e t h a t h a s a n y t h i n g t o d o w i t h
the 4ussyat 6olls, never $ind the politial
agenda<... I boyott an awful lot / o$panies who
test on ani$als, use sweat shops, fund the *ush
ad$inistration, et., and tend to at upon $y
beliefs that the onsu$er should vote with their
wallet. *ut having one's voie heard is also
i$portant, whih is why I also try to $ake lear
preisely why I avoid ertain brands and so on.
"y#pae is a very good platfor$ for getting $y
views read. *+T / and here's the proble$ /
e!pressing dissent on "y#pae see$s to be
beo$ing inreasingly diffiult and the platfor$
appears to be beo$ing $ore adept at silening
the dissenters, one way or another...' 8ther
o$$ents pointed out the o$$erial benefits to
"y#pae of allying the$selves with soldiers)
9When push o$es to shove, a $ass/$arket
pheno$enon like "y#pae is going to go for
,pple 4ie and "otherhood every ti$e.9
I didn't and don't feel I need "yspae to get $y
voie heard. I went into "y#pae as a virtual
environ$ent with the intention of understanding
it and proving that I understood it by operating
suessfully within it. I did that, then I got off the
platfor$. When I'd finished with "y#pae I felt
like I wanted a break fro$ blogging. When I
s t a r t e d t o b l o g a g a i n I d i d s o w i t h W o r d 4 r e s s
s o f t w a r e t h a t I s t u k o n t o t h e b a k e n d o f $ y
o w n w e b s i t e . 2 o w I o n t r o l t h e h o r i ? o n t a l a n d I
o n t r o l t h e v e r t i a l , a n d I d o n ' t h a v e t o w o r r y
a b o u t ; u p e r t " u r d o h a n d h i s $ i n i o n s d e l e t i n g
$ a t e r i a l I ' v e p o s t e d b e a u s e t h e y d i s a g r e e w i t h
i t . A o r $ e t h i s i s t h e w a y f o r w a r d t o W e b 2 . 1 ,
r u n n i n g s o f t w a r e o n o u r o w n s i t e s t h a t a l l o w s
o t h e r s t o i n t e r a t w i t h u s o n l i n e .
6
5
26
2 5
Click This?
MySpace + the
Pornography
of Corporately
Controlled
Virtual Life
T h e r e ' s b e e n a l o t o f t a l k a b o u t W e b 2 . 0 o v e r t h e
p a s t f e w y e a r s , a n d I ' v e f o u n d b e i n g a t i v e o n
s o i a l n e t w o r k i n g s i t e s h a s p r o v i d e d t h e b e s t
p l a e n o t o n l y t o r e s e a r h i t b u t t o a n e ! t e n t a l s o
t o d i s u s s i t . " y e ! p l o r a t i o n s s t a r t e d o n " y # p a e
i n t h e s p r i n g o f 2 0 0 6 a n d i n i t i a l l y I s e t u p a n
a o u n t a s " i s t e r T r i p p y . " y g i $ $ i k w a s t o
b e h a v e a s i f I w a s s o $ e o n e e l s e p r e t e n d i n g t o b e
$ e , s o I d e l i b e r a t e l y f u d g e d f a t s a n d g o t $ i n o r
t h i n g s w r o n g a b o u t $ y l i f e a n d w o r k . T h i s l e d t o a
e r t a i n a $ o u n t o f s p e u l a t i o n a s t o w h o w a s
r u n n i n g w h a t w a s t a k e n t o b e a ' f a k e ' # t e w a r t
% o $ e s i t e . I n e ! t s e t u p a n a o u n t f o r $ y
g i r l f r i e n d T e s s i e , o n e o f $ y v e n t r i l o & u i s t d o l l s . I
w a s f a $ i l i a r w i t h p h e n o $ e n a l i k e r a d i o
v e n t r i l o & u i s $ s o I f i g u r e d i n t e r n e t v e n t r i l o & u i s $
w o u l d w o r k ' u s t a s w e l l . I n o $ $ e n t s s h e p o s t e d ,
T e s s i e l a i $ e d t o b e p r e g n a n t a n d w o u l d b e o $ e
e n r a g e d w h e n I r e s p o n d e d b y p o i n t i n g o u t p l a s t i
d o l l s a n ' t h a v e b a b i e s ( i t w a s u r i o u s t h a t & u i t e a
f e w w o $ e n s u p p o r t e d T e s s i e b y p o s t i n g
$ e s s a g e s s a y i n g t h e i r b o y f r i e n d s w e r e ' u s t l i k e
$ e , s i n e t h e s e $ e n h a d i n s i s t e d t h e i r o t h e r h a l f
w a s n ' t k n o k e d u p w h e n t h e y r e a l l y w e r e i n t h e
l u b .
"y#pae divide their user profiles into different
setions) a $ain profile with self desription,
pitures, videos, $usi and o$$ents( a blog
whose $ost reent headlines if any are displayed
on the profile page( and finally a setion for
uploaded photographs. I e!ploited all these
features but deided to fous on blogging, despite
finding the "y#pae blog ulture e!tre$ely
o$petitive and bithy at its top end. There was a
ore group desperate to ride high in the "y#pae
blog harts. *eause the harts were o$piled on
the basis of daily hits, bloggers in the +#, were
getting up in the $iddle of the night to post
i$$ediately after eah 2- hour ounting swith
over, thereby ensuring they $a!i$ised the hits
they got on the first day eah new blog was up.
*eing based in .urope I ould roll out of bed at
$y usual ti$e and get a blog up at the beginning
of the "y#pae day. Titles of blogs were and are
i$portant, $ost people wanted to read about se!
and blogs that ategorised the$selves as being
about 'ro$ane and relationships' tended to get
the $ost hits. The overwhel$ing $a'ority of the
blogs weren't in the least bit interesting( reading
about busts/ups between top bloggers who'd also
beo$e lovers 'ust wasn't $y bag. That said
$iro/worlds tend to develop around suessful
b l o g s a n d I h a d o n e o f $ y o w n t h a t $ a y w e l l
h a v e a p p e a r e d b o r i n g a n d i $ p e n e t r a b l e t o a s u a l
v i s i t o r s .
" y " i s t e r T r i p p y b l o g w a s a l i t t l e u n u s u a l i n t h a t
b o t h I a n d t h e o r e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n i t
h a v e a p e n h a n t f o r r e a t i n g $ u l t i p l e f a k e p r o f i l e s
0 a n d i d e n t i a l l o n e s o f e a h o t h e r ' s p r o f i l e s 1 , s o
t h e r e w a s a l w a y s a n a i r o f u n e r t a i n t y o v e r
e ! a t l y w h o w a s l e a v i n g o $ $ e n t s . T h e s e
i d e n t i t y g a $ e s p l a y e d i n v i r t u a l s p a e f o u n d t h e i r
p r e / w e b r y s t a l l i s a t i o n i n 2 e o i s $ , w e r e b r o u g h t
o n t o t h e n e t v i a T h e 3 u t h e r * l i s s e t t 4 r o ' e t i n t h e
1 5 5 0 s , a n d a n b e t r a e d b a k t h r o u g h
$ i d / t w e n t i e t h e n t u r y u l t u r a l / p o l i t i o
$ o v e $ e n t s s u h a s 3 e t t r i s $ t o 6 a d a . 2 e w
r e a d e r s w h o r e s p o n d e d t o $ y b l o g s a n d 7 o r p r o f i l e
t e n d e d t o d e s r i b e t h e $ a n d t h e s e p r a t i e s a s
b o t h i n t r i g u i n g a n d d i s o r i e n t a t i n g .
W h e n I ' o i n e d " y # p a e i t w a s s t i l l p l a g u e d b y
p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s p a $ a d v e r t i s i n g a d u l t d a t i n g
s i t e s a n d w e b a $ s e r v i e s . T a k i n g o u t f r e e
$ e $ b e r s h i p w i t h t h e s e s e ! o n t a t s i t e s o f t e n
a l l o w s a p r o f i l e t o b e r e a t e d b u t d o e s n t a l l o w
r e s p o n s e s t o t h e ' b o t g i r l s ' 0 f a k e f e $ a l e s w i n g e r s 1
w h o i $ $ e d i a t e l y o $ e o n t o $ a l e s w h o d o n ' t
have a pre$iu$ paid subsription( these sites
have virtually no fe$ale $e$bers, and they are
unlikely to do $uh for the thousands of
heterose!ual $ales who take out subsriptions to
the$. 8ver the past few years "y#pae has
raked down on suh spa$ $erhants beause
they ut into the operation's revenue base by
$aking users distrustful of all advertisers. That
said, I found it fun replying to spa$ o$$ents.
*ak on "y#pae I ouldn't resist responding to
the bot girls who left $e and $illions of others
$essages along the lines of 9%ow was your
weekend:9 8ne of $y standard replies to this
was) 9%ey $y weekend was great. I $anaged to
sneak one of the unidentified bodies out of the
hospital $orgue. I've na$ed this stiff "arie and I
took her for a date. Thus did $idnight find the
two of us / I and $y "arie / en'oying an inti$ate
andle/lit tete/a/tete at #hoop's, a loal
roadhouse on the far edge of town. ;o$ane was
in the air, and "arie, whose only fault as a dinner
o$panion was a tendeny to keep slipping
sideways out of the booth, had never looked
lovelier. I had about deided to order the fish
akes and had li$bed on top of the table, the
better to urge "arie to try the
s v e n g a l i / a n d / $ e a t b a l l s , o r ' 1 2 i n h e s o f
h a p p i n e s s ' a s i t i s s o $ e t i $ e s a l l e d , w h e n t h e
r o a d h o u s e o w n e r a $ e o v e r ) ' 4 h e w $ a n < ' h e
s a i d t o $ e , p o i n t i n g a t " a r i e . ' = o u g o t t a g e t t h a t
t h i n g o u t o f h e r e . I t ' s s t a r t i n g t o s t i n k t h e p l a e
u p a n d p e o p l e a r e o $ p l a i n i n g . , r e y o u n u t s o r
s o $ e t h i n g : ' W e l l " a r i e w a s n ' t f e e l i n g t h a t h u n g r y
a n d I f e l t s o $ e t h i n g o t h e r t h a n f o o d w a s o n t h e
$ e n u , s o w e l e f t a n d I d r o v e h e r t o a r e $ o t e
b e a u t y s p o t w h e r e w e $ a d e p a s s i o n a t e l o v e . I
e v e n g o t h e r b a k i n t h e h o s p i t a l o o l e r w i t h o u t
a n y b o d y n o t i i n g " a r i e h a d b e e n $ i s s i n g f o r h a l f
t h e n i g h t . # o I h a d a g r e a t w e e k e n d . I t r u s t y o u r s
w a s a g r o o v e . . . 9 # t r a n g e l y I ' v e n e v e r h a d a r e p l y
t o t h i s s t y l e o f o $ $ e n t b u t t h e n u s u a l l y t h e
p e o p l e I w a s l e a v i n g t h e $ f o r w a n t e d p u n t e r s t o
p a r t w i t h a s h f o r a d u l t d a t i n g a n d 7 o r w e b a $
a n d p o r n o g r a p h y s e r v i e s .
, n o t h e r f a v o u r i t e t r i k o f $ i n e w a s t o r e s p o n d t o
t h o s e o f f e r i n g h e l p w i t h i n t e r n e t b u s i n e s s s t a r t u p
s h e $ e s w i t h t h e f o l l o w i n g ) 9 % e y I w a s
u n e $ p l o y e d a n d h o $ e l e s s a f t e r l o s i n g $ y ' o b
a n d $ y r e l a t i o n s h i p b r o k e u p b e a u s e I h a d
e r e t i l e d y s f u n t i o n , b u t I k e p t h e k i n g $ y
e $ a i l s a t t h e l o a l l i b r a r y a n d I s r a p e d t o g e t h e r
t h e $ o n e y t o g e t s o $ e s h a r e s a f t e r I w a s s e n t
so$e anony$ous hot stok business advie, and I
started $aking a bit of $oney and got a flat to
rent, then I bought >iagra on the net and that
solved $y relationship proble$s and as I got into
doing $ore business on the web I found I was
$aking a lot of $oney and I bought a house in
3ondon and then a holiday ho$e in #pain and
so$e really nie ars. 2ow I've got $aids and a
suessful $arriage too 0although $ost nights
these days I stay our late snorting oaine and
having se! with high lass hookers / in fat I'$
getting a blow 'ob right now fro$ a pre/op
transse!ual and I'$ using $y 4al$ $ini o$puter
to write you this $essage1. #o I an really
reo$$end these business tehni&ues you're
offering people. *ut what your friends need even
$ore than these tehni&ues are the unseured
loans I an arrange for the$ beause they an't
start a suessful internet business without proper
finanial bak up. 4eople are onned into thinking
they an build up one of these operations without
the finanial wherewithal but that 'ust isn't true,
beause all the $ost suessful businesses on the
net are properly apitalised...9
I tended not to bother responding to spa$
$essages that ran along the lines of 9%ey hek
o u t $ y b a n d , w e ' v e g o t n e w t r a k s u p a n d w e ' d
l i k e y o u t o l e t u s k n o w w h a t y o u t h i n k 9 ( a l t h o u g h
v e r y o a s i o n a l l y w h e n I d i d l i k t h r o u g h t o a
b a n d s i t e I w o u l d l e a v e a o $ $ e n t a l o n g t h e l i n e s
o f ) 9 = e a h I h e k e d o u t y o u r $ u s i $ a n , a n d i t
s u k s w o r s e t h a n a n i n f a n t t h a t $ i s s e d a f e e d b u t
s i n e t h e $ a r k e t d i s t o r t s e v e r y t h i n g , i f y o u a r r y
o n w i t h y o u r p r o $ o t i o n s t h e n t h e r e ' s a o n e i n a
h u n d r e d b i l l i o n h a n e y o u ' l l b e t h e n e ! t + 2 0 a n d
t h e y s u k e v e n w o r s e t h a n y o u 1 . 9
T o b u i l d $ y p r o f i l e a n d b l o g I h a d t o b e p r o a t i v e ,
o $ $ e n t i n g o n o t h e r p e o p l e ' s p a g e s a n d
r e s p o n d i n g t o o $ $ e n t s o n $ y o w n . I
s i $ u l t a n e o u s l y e ! t e n d e d $ y n e t w o r k b y
o n s e n t i n g t o b e ' f r i e n d s ' / o n e o f t h e t w o p r o f i l e s
i n v o l v e d h a s t o $ a k e a f r i e n d r e & u e s t / w i t h o t h e r
u s e r s . 8 n l y f r i e n d s a n l e a v e p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s
b u t y o u a n o p t a s I d i d t o a l l o w a n y o n e t o l e a v e
b l o g o $ $ e n t s . I f o u n d p r o f i l e s o n t h e w h o l e l e s s
i n t e r e s t i n g t h a n b l o g s , s i n e o f t e n t h e y w e r e l i t t l e
$ o r e t h a n a l i s t o f o n s u $ e r p r e f e r e n e s i n t e r $ s
o f $ u s i , $ o v i e s a n d b o o k s . I t t o o k $ e a b o u t 6
$ o n t h s b e f o r e I w a s a b l e t o $ a k e t h e " y # p a e
T o p 5 0 b l o g s o n a r e g u l a r b a s i s . T h i s r e & u i r e d
a r o u n d a t h o u s a n d h i t s a d a y . W h a t I e v e n t u a l l y
w o r k e d o u t w a s t h a t i t w a s e a s i e r t o g e t a r o u n d
100 people to look at the sa$e blog 10 ti$es in a
day than it was to get 1000 different people to
look at it. #o when so$eone o$$ented on the
blog I'd o$$ent bak, then they'd o$e bak to
see what I'd said( by suh $eans I was building a
following as $uh for the o$$ents as for the
atual blogs 0in effet the o$$ents setion of
$y blogs bea$e a hat roo$, people
o$$enting started talking to eah other as well
as to $e1. This was hard work, sine it $eant
ontinually interrupting other work I was doing to
log on to "y#pae, but it was effetive, for a
while I was ending up with ten or so pages of
o$$ents on eah blog, or about 250 o$$ents
fro$ other "y#pae users and 250 replies that I
left. 2aturally $y replies weren't always detailed(
I developed ath phrases suh as 'toot toot' to
deal &uikly with $uh of what was left by way of
response to $y blogs.
#o$e of $y standard replies to o$$ents were a
little $ore involved than a ath phrase suh as
9beep beep9, sine the ut and paste funtion on
o$puters $eans that I never need to be short of
sores of reusable lines. *eing "ister Trippy $y
off the peg responses inluded) 9Wow I'$ really
stoned... really tripping... out of... I've gone
a n d . . . I s h o u l d n ' t h a v e g o t t e n t h i s h i g h . . . I d i d n ' t
t a k e e n o u g h a i d t o g e t t h i s h i g h . . . e v e n $ y
p l a y t h i n g s w a l k e d t o # a t u r n . . . b e n d p e n i l
e r a s e r s . . . d e l i i o u s . . . a p p l e s e ! p l o d e i n t o
b u t t e r f l i e s . . . I g o t t a g e t o u t t a h e r e . . . o n e t w o
t h r e e f o u r . . . I a n h a r d l y s e e . . . t o $ b s
i n t e r l o k i n g . . . t o o $ u h a i d . . . t o o $ a n y o l o u r s
b l o w n u p i n $ y f a e 9 * u t I w o u l d s t r e s s I w a s
i n t e r e s t e d i n b u i l d i n g a o $ $ u n t y a n d w h a t i s
i $ p o r t a n t i s t h e f l o w o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s o n a n d o f f
l i n e ( s o $ e e t i n g p e o p l e f a e t o f a e w a s a l s o
i $ p o r t a n t . # o $ e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n $ y
b l o g I ' d k n o w n f o r y e a r s , o t h e r s I $ e t i n t h e f l e s h
a s a r e s u l t o f $ y a t i v i t i e s o n " y # p a e , s o $ e I
d i d n ' t e v e r $ e e t b u t t h e y $ a n a g e d t o h o o k u p f o r
d r i n k s o r w h a t e v e r w i t h o t h e r p e o p l e o $ i n g o n
t h e b l o g .
* u i l d i n g $ y b l o g t o o k s l i g h t l y l o n g e r t h a n t h i n k i n g
u p a n d a p p r o p r i a t i n g o $ $ e n t s . I u s e d a $ i ! t u r e
o f $ a t e r i a l I ' d a l r e a d y p r o d u e d s u h a s u l t u r a l
e s s a y s a n d i n t e r v i e w s f r o $ $ y o w n w e b s i t e
0 w h i h b y t h i s $ e a n s f o u n d f r e s h r e a d e r s 1 , a n d
t e ! t s r e a t e d e s p e i a l l y f o r t h e b l o g s u h a s
r e v i e w s o f t r a s h f i l $ s . " y $ o v i e f o u s w a s o n
e ! p l o i t a t i o n a n d s l e a ? e f r o $ a r o u n d t h e w o r l d
w i t h s o $ e s o i o l o g y o f u l t u r e t h r o w n i n . I a l s o
parodied the very popular list blogs for$at,
throwing so$e politial and theoretial ontent in
with the o$edy. 8ne of $y reworkings of a
for$ula blog list was the following( and I liked it
so $uh I posted it twie, one in #pring 200@
and again a year later on 1@ Aebruary 200B)
"10 Down & Dirty Sexually Perverted Things
About Me
91. ,lthough I a$ the illegiti$ate son of +#
president Cohn A. Dennedy, I think his old war
poliies suked and he was a war/$ongering 'erk.
8n $y paternity, please note this is not the kind
of 'oke o$$ent you often get in these 9lists9, $y
$other was part of the Deeler set of *ritish
wo$en with who$ Dennedy en'oyed se!ual
ongress and the 4re? visited 3ondon 5 $onths
before I was born / that said CAD wouldn't fae up
to his responsibilities so the spae for $y father's
na$e on $y birth ertifiate is blank 0but this
doesn't $ean that $y passion for o$$unis$ is
so$e kind of 8edipal rebellion1.
92. I have never felt the $aternal need to have
hildren beause I a$ a 9bloke9. I do have an
illegiti$ate daughter alled *ritney #pears,
o$pare how the two of us look and you'll lok
t h e l i k e n e s s .
9 E . I l o v e p s y h e d e l i d r u g s a n d $ u s i t h a t i s r e d
w i t h p u r p l e f l a s h e s ( a l o t o f p e o p l e t h i n k t h i s
$ a k e s $ e a h i p p i e , b u t I ' $ a t u a l l y a n , f r o / F e l t .
G e t t i n g o f f $ y f a e o n p s y h e d e l i d r u g s ' u s t
h a p p e n s t o b e a r e a l l y o o l w a y o f o n n e t i n g
w i t h $ y s e l f . 3 i k e w i s e , I a n ' t h e l p o n s i d e r i n g
b a n d s l i k e T h e F r e a t i o n , T h e * i r d s a n d T h e A l i e s
0 1 5 6 0 s 3 o n d o n f r e a k b e a t $ u s i , n o t t o b e
o n f u s e d w i t h F a l i f o r n i a n g r o u p s l i k e T h e * y r d s 1 ,
a t o t a l g r o o v e .
9 - . I f a n t a s i ? e a b o u t h a v i n g s e ! w i t h $ y s e l f / I
b e t y o u a l l d o < 6 o n ' t 3 i e .
9 5 . # t y r o f o a $ g i v e s $ e g o o s e b u $ p s a l l o v e r .
9 6 . I ' $ a d d i t e d t o C h e e z - t s ! I l o v e t h e $ . I e a t
t h e $ a l l d a y . I t a k e t h e $ t o w o r k w i t h $ e . I k e e p
a l i t t l e ? i p l o k b a g o f t h e $ n e ! t t o $ y b e d i n
a s e I w a k e u p i n t h e $ i d d l e o f t h e n i g h t a n d
n e e d s o $ e C h e e z - t s ! I p l a n w h a t d a y I ' l l d o $ y
f o o d s h o p p i n g b a s e d o n h o w $ u h C h e e z - t s I
h a v e l e f t . I a n s h a k e a b o ! a n d g u e s s h o w $ u h
l o n g e r t h a t p a r t i u l a r b o ! w i l l l a s t $ e b a s e d o n
h o w $ a n y C h e e z - t s a r e l e f t i n i t .
9 @ . I l i k e t o $ a k e a n i $ a l n o i s e s ( I a w a t r o w s ,
$ e o w a t a t s , b a r k l i k e a d o g a n d $ o o a t o w s .
%owever, $ost of all I like to s&ueak like a bat
beause I think it will entie $y friend Delly to
ontat $e.
9B. I don't wear $ake/up very often. %owever,
when I do, I go for eye liner, eye shadow,
powders and lip gloss. I en'oy looking nie.
95. I never lie and would instead find interesting
ways to 9bend9 the truth if this bea$e
neessary( but sine the notion of 9truth9 is
soially onstruted and isn't 9out there9, it an't
be 9found9 and therefore I don't need to ad'ust it.
910. I hate lists and refuse to o$pile the$.9
I also wrote fitional piees about $yself and
so$e of the regulars who ontributed o$$ents
to $y blog. In doing this I often adopted
post$odern literary tehni&ues, by for e!a$ple
taking newspaper stories and adapting na$es and
other details to $ake the$ about $e and $y
readers. Aor e!a$ple) 9, kinky se! esapade
ended this week with the eletroution death of a
*elfast $an and the arrest of his boyfriend for
$anslaughter. ,ording to ops, #tewart %o$e,
-5, first lai$ed that his boyfriend "ihael D was
shoked by his hair dryer. *ut he then ad$itted
that the ouple was 'into weird se!ual
b e h a v i o u r s , ' a o r d i n g t o a p r o b a b l e a u s e
a f f i d a v i t . % o $ e t h e n e ! p l a i n e d t h a t h e h o o k s l i p s
t o h i s b o y f r i e n d ' s n i p p l e s a n d ' p l u g s t h e o r d i n t o
a n e l e t r i s t r i p ' a n d s h o k s h i $ . 8 n T u e s d a y
e v e n i n g , % o $ e s a i d , " i h a e l w h o w a s v i s i t i n g h i $
i n * l o o $ s b u r y 0 3 o n d o n 1 r e $ o v e d h i s l o t h e s ,
a t t a h e d t h e l i p s , a n d s h o k e d h i $ s e l f . % o $ e
t h e n p i k e d u p t h e e l e t r i s t r i p a n d s h o k e d D
s e v e r a l $ o r e t i $ e s , a d d i n g t h a t h e h a d p l a e d a
p i e e o f e l e t r i t a p e o v e r D ' s $ o u t h d u r i n g t h e
' o l t s . , f t e r t h e l a s t s h o k , " i h a e l , - 0 , ' f e l l o v e r
o n t o h i s f a e . ' % o $ e i n i t i a l l y t h o u g h t h i s
b o y f r i e n d w a s ' o k i n g , b u t & u i k l y r e a l i ? e d h e w a s
u n o n s i o u s . % e t h e n d r e s s e d h i $ i n p r e p a r a t i o n
f o r g e t t i n g t o t h e h o s p i t a l , b u t i n s t e a d a l l e d 5 5 5
w h e n h e s t o p p e d b r e a t h i n g . % o $ e t o l d
i n v e s t i g a t o r s t h a t t h e o u p l e h a d ' b e e n e n g a g i n g
i n e l e t r i s h o k s e ! a n d o t h e r t y p e s o f e ! t r e $ e
b o n d a g e f o r a b o u t 2 y e a r s . ' % e w a s h a r g e d
y e s t e r d a y w i t h i n v o l u n t a r y $ a n s l a u g h t e r a n d
r e k l e s s e n d a n g e r $ e n t a n d w a s ' a i l e d i n t h e W e s t
. n d F e n t r a l p o l i e s t a t i o n 0 w h e r e h e r e $ a i n s i n
u s t o d y o n 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 b a i l 1 . 9
" y b l o g s o u l d a n d d i d g e t $ o r e s e r i o u s t h a n t h e
a b o v e e ! a $ p l e $ i g h t i n d i a t e . , n d s o $ e o f $ y
$ o r e o b v i o u s l y p o l i t i a l b l o g s d r e w o u t i n t e r e s t i n g
s t o r i e s i n t h e o $ $ e n t s . I r e p r o d u e b e l o w a b l o g
o f " # $ e b r u a r y " 0 0 % b e a u s e i t l e d t o r e a d e r s
r e o u n t i n g t h e i r o w n e ! p e r i e n e s o f p o l i e
h a r a s s $ e n t , o n e o f w h i h I f o u n d p a r t i u l a r l y
p e r t i n e n t a n d w i l l a l s o & u o t e i n f u l l . I t h i n k i t
u n l i k e l y t h a t e i t h e r o f t h e f o l l o w i n g t w o i n i d e n t s
w o u l d h a v e e n t e r e d t h e p u b l i d o $ a i n 0 a l b e i t i n a
l o w k e y $ a n n e r 1 h a d i t n o t b e e n f o r t h e b l o g g i n g
p h e n o $ e n o n )
" & e v e r ' i n d t h e t e r r o r i s t s ( ) r i t * o + s d e * i d e t o
h a s s l e + e o + l e o n t h e i r w a y t o t h e + u b i n s t e a d ! ! !
8 n W e d n e s d a y I g o t s t o p p e d u n d e r # e t i o n , - o f
T h e T e r r o r i s $ , t 2 0 0 0 . W h a t h a d I d o n e t o
a r o u s e s u s p i i o n : I ' d w a l k e d o u t o f 3 a d b r o k e
G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n < < < < 2 a u g h t y n a u g h t y
n a u g h t y < < < < # o t h e o l d b i l l w i t h w a r r a n t n o . 2 2 - 5 6
/ w h o w a s n ' t a l l o w e d t o g i v e $ e h i s n a $ e
b e a u s e h e w a s o n d u t i n g a ' o u n t e r t e r r o r i s $ '
s e a r h 0 9 ' , l l o , ' a l l o , ' a l l o w o t ' s g o i n ' o n ' e r e t h e n :
W h y h a v e y o u g o t t w o a r $ s a n d t w o l e g s : 9 1 /
d e $ a n d e d t o s e e $ y I 6 . T h i s w a s a n o d d t h i n g t o
a s k f o r b e a u s e t h e r e i s n o i d e n t i t y a r d s y s t e $
i n o p e r a t i o n i n t h e + D . I t h e r e f o r e a s k e d i f I ' d
u n d e r s t o o d o r r e t l y a n d w a s r e & u i r e d t o s h o w I 6
a n d w a s t o l d t h i s w a s t h e a s e . W a r r a n t n o .
22-56 aepted a university staff ard with a
photograph of $e on it as I6( although I
suspeted it would have pleased hi$ to arrest $e
for not possessing a non/e!istent +D I6 ard.
When I was asked what I worked as, I said
novelist beause while true it was not &uite
idential with the work for whih I'd shown a staff
ard. Warrant no. 22-56 wrote down a desription
of $e and this inluded the detail I was wearing
blak boots, although I was atually wearing blak
shoes, whih $ade $e further wonder what the
real point of all the 'ounter terrorist' ativity that
goes on in 3ondon is when $undane details like
this aren't orretly reorded by the old bill. 2o.
22-56 also noted $y #6. Fode, this is self
defined ethniity 0aording to the "ets 9what
ethni group you say your origins are fro$91,
although sine this was done without $e atually
being onsulted I so$ehow doubt that it went
down as 9,fro/Felti9( the detail was entered with
the ode W1. This funtions as another e!a$ple
of how in reality I was 'ust being hassled and the
ativity had nothing whatsoever to do with so
alled 'ounter terroris$'.
92e!t 2o. 22-56 got onto a &uestion whih
re$inded $e of how I was endlessly harassed by
t h e o l d b i l l a s a t e e n a g e r ) 9 % a v e y o u e v e r b e e n i n
t r o u b l e w i t h t h e p o l i e b e f o r e : 9 I & u e r i e d t h i s
f o r $ u l a t i o n b y a s k i n g ) 9 W h a t d o y o u $ e a n
b e f o r e : I ' $ n o t i n t r o u b l e n o w . 9 I w a s e v i d e n t l y
o r r e t s i n e I w a s n ' t a r r e s t e d a n d a l l t h e
s t a n d a r d r i $ i n a l h a r g e s e t i o n s o n t h e f o r $ 2 o .
2 2 - 5 6 f i l l e d i n w e r e i r l e d o n t h e ' n ' r a t h e r t h a n
t h e ' y ' s e t i o n / d a $ a g e a u s e d n o n e , i n ' u r y
a u s e d n o n e , p r o p e r t y r e o v e r e d 7 s e i ? e d n o n e ,
o f f e n s i v e w e a p o n n o n e , g i v e d e t a i l s n o n e . . . I t w a s
a l $ o s t % e g e l i a n i n t h e w a y w e w e r e o n s t a n t l y
g e t t i n g l o s e r t o n o t h i n g <
9 8 n b e i n g a s k e d w h y I w a s i n t h e a r e a I s a i d I
h a d l o n g s t a n d i n g o n n e t i o n s w i t h i t a n d t h a t $ y
$ o t h e r h a d l i v e d i n n e a r b y * a s s e t t ; o a d w h e n I
w a s b o r n a n d h a d d i e d i n F a $ b r i d g e G a r d e n s
0 b o t h o f w h i h r u n o f f 3 a d b r o k e G r o v e w h e r e I
w a s s t o p p e d 1 . I a l s o p o i n t e d o u t t h a t $ y $ o t h e r
b e i n g f o u n d n a k e d a n d d e a d o n h e r b e d w i t h t h e
d o o r t o h e r b e d s i t o p e n a n d t h e l i g h t s o n h a d n ' t
b e e n o n s i d e r e d s u s p i i o u s b y t h e l o a l p o l i e , s o
I d i d n ' t r e a l l y s e e w h y $ e w a l k i n g o u t o f
3 a d b r o k e G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n a p p e a r e d s u s p i i o u s
t o t h e $ . I w a s t h e n a s k e d w h e r e I w a s g o i n g a n d
s a i d 9 T h e W a r w i k 9 a n d w a s t o l d I o u l d g o (
a l t h o u g h a t u a l l y w h a t w a s t h e W a r w i k F a s t l e
and everyone still alls The Warwik has had the
na$e shortened to The Fastle and turned into
so$e sort of gastro night$are in an as yet
unsuessful atte$pt to lear out the deadbeats
who ongregate there. While the hange of deor
and shortening of the na$e hasn't got rid of us
yet, I'$ sure the prie inreases will... or polie
harass$ent. Fo$e to think of it ne!t ti$e I
arrange to $eet anyone in a pub I think I'll go to
a Weatherspoons on the other side of town....
,fter all at 22@ Westbourne 4ark ;oad opposite
The Warwik is an e&ually notorious tourist
attration, the site of the 9*lue 6oor9 in the fil$
"&otting ,ill" that led to the for$er residene of
the diretor ;ihard Furtis. In one of the fil$'s
endless low $o$ents %ugh Grant's Welsh
flat$ate appears there in his underpants. The
atual door was shipped to 6evon in 2000 after
being sold at Fhristie's for 5000. 3ikewise, the old
bill stopping $e on $y way to The Warwik under
the guise of 'preventing terroris$' is learly
o$plete and utter bolloks 'ust like the ;ihard
Furtis $ovie 9&otting ,ill"!9
This drew fro$ "ark / a bloke in his $id/forties
fro$ south 3ondon who generally responded to
$y blogs with witty one/liners the following story)
9 = e p . F o $ p l e t e a n d u t t e r b o l l o k s . % a p p e n e d t o
$ e a b o u t - y e a r s a g o , a n d I d i d a t u a l l y g e t
a r r e s t e d u n d e r t h e t e r r o r i s $ a t . W h a t h a p p e n e d
w a s t h a t I w a s p i s s e d , a n d I ' d g o t o n t h e w r o n g
t r a i n h o $ e t h a t w e n t $ i l e s i n t h e o p p o s i t e
d i r e t i o n 0 w h i h h a s a t u a l l y h a p p e n e d t o $ e a
f e w t i $ e s e $ b a r r a s s i n g l y , $ o s t r e e n t l y a b o u t a
y e a r a g o . . . . 1 I w o u l d ' v e g o t a a b b a k f r o $
F r o y d o n , b u t n o n e o f t h e s t r o p p y d r i v e r s w o u l d
t a k e s o $ e o n e a b i t w o b b l y o n t h e i r f e e t , a n d s o
o b v i o u s l y p i s s e d , s o t h e r e y a g o . # o a t r a i n i t
w a s , t h e r e w e r e s t i l l s o $ e r u n n i n g , t h o u g h t I
o u l d g e t o n e t o F r y s t a l 4 a l a e o r s o $ e t h i n g . G o t
o n a t r a i n , a n d a s s o o n a s t h e d o o r s s h u t , I
r e a l i s e d i t w a s f a s t t o G a t w i k . A u k . W e l l ,
G a t w i k s t a t i o n s e e $ e d l i k e a $ a ? e t r y i n g t o f i n d
y o u r w a y a r o u n d w h e n p i s s e d , I t e l l y o u . , n y w a y ,
a f t e r $ u h w a n d e r i n g a r o u n d p l a t f o r $ s s e e i n g
h o w t h e f u k I a n g e t b a k , I e v e n t u a l l y g e t
o l l a r e d b y a s o l i t a r y o p p e r i n u n i f o r $ w h o t e l l s
$ e I ' $ b e i n g p l a e d u n d e r a r r e s t u n d e r t h e
t e r r o r i s $ a t .
9 6 o n ' t r e $ e $ b e r a n y t h i n g a f t e r t h a t , I r e a l l y
d o n ' t . I $ u s t ' v e b l a k e d o u t , f a i n t e d o r
s o $ e t h i n g , I d o n ' t k n o w . 0 I w a s v e r y p i s s e d 1 3 a s t
t h i n g I r e $ e $ b e r i s b e i n g s e i ? e d b y t h e a r $ a n d
being esorted away. ,nyway, ne!t thing I know
it's dayti$e and I wake up fully lothed 0but
$inus 'aket and shoes1 in so$e private hospital
way out in the stiks in bloody Fhihester 0WTA:
That's -0 $iles away fro$ Frawley polie station,
where I was first taken to<1, like when The
Prisoner wakes up in The >illage for the first ti$e
or so$ething< ;eally fuking weird e!periene,
partiularly as the plae see$ed e$pty at first. I
find an unattended reeption desk, start shouting
9%ello:9 to no response for what see$ed like
bloody ages until eventually so$eone in harge
turns up. I'$ then told that I had 'tried to sale a
fene at Gatwik airport itself'< 0whih I was
absolutely nowhere near, inidentally.1 Auking
ludirous allegation, not only was I not anywhere
near any fenes, I was I2#I6. a bloody train
station, but seeing as I'$ arthriti in both knees
0and 'ust about $anage to walk unaided1, I
wouldn't even ,TT."4T to li$b any sodding
fene, anyway< In any ase, I was asking people
at the train station how I ould get %8"., so
W%= the fuk would I have tried to do T%,T:
9,nyway, after $uh pleading fro$ $e for the
ops to try and prove this o$plete and utter
bullshit, there wasn't any FFT> footage of this
a l l e g e d a t f o r t h o $ i n g , w h i h w a s n ' t a s u r p r i s e ,
s e e i n g a s i t n e v e r s o d d i n g h a p p e n e d i n t h e
s o d d i n g f i r s t p l a e < # o $ e f u k i n g b u l l s h i t w a n k e r
s t i t h / u p o p p e r t a k i n g a d v a n t a g e o f $ y s t a t e
a n d t r y i n g t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k g o o d t o h i s
b o s s e s o r s o $ e t h i n g , I a n o n l y g u e s s . 0 : 1 I n e v e r
d i d g e t $ y s h o e s b a k f r o $ t h e s w i n e e i t h e r , o r
t h e ' a k e t I w a s w e a r i n g . # u p p o s e t h e y t o o k
t h e $ a p a r t l o o k i n g f o r b o $ b s o r s o $ e t h i n g .
, n y w a y , I w a s n ' t h a r g e d w i t h a n y t h i n g o f a n y
k i n d , o r e v e n a u t i o n e d i n t h e e n d , a n d i t a l l g o t
& u i e t l y s w e p t u n d e r t h e a r p e t , e v e n t u a l l y . * u t
o n l y a f t e r t h e $ a s s i v e f u k i n g h e a d f u k
e ! p e r i e n e o f b e i n g i n u s t o d y t r y i n g t o p r o v e
$ y s e l f i n n o e n t t o p e o p l e w h o d i d n ' t w a n t t o
f u k i n g l i s t e n , t h o u g h . = e a h , s u p p o s e i t o u l d ' v e
b e e n $ u h w o r s e a n d i t o u l d ' v e b e e n a o p p e r
w i t h a g u n w h o w a n t e d t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k t h e
b i g ' h e r o ' t h e r e . . . , l l p r o b a b l y s o u n d s i n r e d i b l e ,
b u t a t r u e s t o r y , I k i d y o u n o t . T h e s h i t t i e s t t h i n g
t h a t ' s e v e r h a p p e n e d t o $ e . 9
W h i l e I i n ' e t e d p l e n t y o f h u $ o u r i n t o $ y b l o g s ,
w h a t I w a s d o i n g h a d a p o l i t i a l t h r u s t . I n r e d i b l y
$ y b l o g g i n g e f f o r t s w e r e n o t ' u s t r e o g n i s e d b u t
a l s o r e w a r d e d b y " y # p a e , s i n e w h e n t h e
p l a t f o r $ i n t r o d u e d a + D ' * l o g o f t h e W e e k '
feature in Aebruary 200B they $ade $ine the first
profile they endorsed through it. I knew fro$
other soures that "y#pae had been traking $y
ativities for so$e ti$e, sine the hits I was
getting had attrated the attention of their data
analysts. I got the i$pression they hadn't looked
at the atual ontent of the blogs too losely. In
so$e ways I found this odd beause the key to
reating a good blog is ontent. It was where a lot
of people fell down in their online ativities.
*loggers often appeared unable to $ove beyond
trivia to broader onerns, and $any postings
were badly written to boot( a little bit of rewriting
ould have $assively i$proved $any of the$.
Initially I'd wanted to pipe people off "y#pae
and onto $y own website
0Hwww.stewartho$esoiety.orgI1, but it &uikly
bea$e apparent this wasn't going to happen in
any big way. I wasn't doing badly on "y#pae but
the ontraditions of working in a web
environ$ent ontrolled by $edia $ogul ;upert
"urdoh eventually bea$e too $uh for $e.
Inreasingly I found o$$ents and other $aterial
deleted fro$ $y pages presu$ably beause it
was dee$ed offensive, and so$e of $y friends
had whole aounts deleted. Then early on @
" a r h 2 0 0 B I g o t a $ e s s a g e f r o $ " y # p a e ) 9 8 n
" a r h 1 0 t h , 2 0 0 B - + e r a t i o n M y S + a * e w i l l b r i n g
t h e t r o o p s i n D u w a i t a n d a l l o f " y # p a e a 3 I > .
s h o w i n D u l a b y t e % 6 t h a t t h e y ' l l n e v e r f o r g e t .
6 i s t u r b e d , 4 u s s y a t 6 o l l s , C e s s i a # i $ p s o n , A i l t e r ,
F a r l o s " e n i a , " e t a l # a n a ? , 6 C J / T r i p , 2 6 " 8 ; .
w i l l a l l b e a p a r t o f t h i s s p e t a u l a r e v e n t t h a t w i l l
b e s t r e a $ e d 3 I > . o n l y o n " y # p a e I t ' s 2 0 0 B
a n d t h e w o r l d h a s h a n g e d b u t o u r t r o o p s s t i l l
n e e d o u r s u p p o r t . 4 l e a s e d r o p b y a n d l e a v e a
s p e i a l $ e s s a g e f o r t h e t r o o p s 9 I t w a s o b v i o u s
" y # p a e w e r e n ' t i n t h e b u s i n e s s o f h e l p i n g $ e
d e l i v e r $ y p e r s o n a l $ e s s a g e t o t h e t r o o p s , w h i h
$ i g h t b e s u $ $ a r i s e d a s ) 9 A u k t h e a r $ y < T h e
o n l y g o o d s o l d i e r s a r e t h o s e w h o d e s e r t t a k i n g
t h e i r a r $ s w i t h t h e $ 9
# i n e I ' $ a g a i n s t i $ p e r i a l i s $ a n d o p p o s e r a i s t
s a d i s t s i n u n i f o r $ , I & u i k l y r e a h e d t h e
o n l u s i o n I w a n t e d t o d e l e t e $ y " y # p a e
a o u n t s . . . b u t b e f o r e d o i n g s o o n 1 0 " a r h 2 0 0 B
I t r i e d t o d i s u s s i t v i a a b l o g I p o s t e d o n @
" a r h . T h e f o l l o w i n g o $ $ e n t f r o $ F h r i s t o p h e r
2 o s n i b o r i s p r e t t y t y p i a l o f t h e r e a t i o n t o $ y
s u g g e s t i o n e v e r y o n e w h o o p p o s e d w a r s h o u l d g e t
o f f " y # p a e ) 9 A u k i n g h e l l , I ' $ i n l i n e d t o w a r d
b o y o t t i n g a n y s i t e t h a t h a s a n y t h i n g t o d o w i t h
the 4ussyat 6olls, never $ind the politial
agenda<... I boyott an awful lot / o$panies who
test on ani$als, use sweat shops, fund the *ush
ad$inistration, et., and tend to at upon $y
beliefs that the onsu$er should vote with their
wallet. *ut having one's voie heard is also
i$portant, whih is why I also try to $ake lear
preisely why I avoid ertain brands and so on.
"y#pae is a very good platfor$ for getting $y
views read. *+T / and here's the proble$ /
e!pressing dissent on "y#pae see$s to be
beo$ing inreasingly diffiult and the platfor$
appears to be beo$ing $ore adept at silening
the dissenters, one way or another...' 8ther
o$$ents pointed out the o$$erial benefits to
"y#pae of allying the$selves with soldiers)
9When push o$es to shove, a $ass/$arket
pheno$enon like "y#pae is going to go for
,pple 4ie and "otherhood every ti$e.9
I didn't and don't feel I need "yspae to get $y
voie heard. I went into "y#pae as a virtual
environ$ent with the intention of understanding
it and proving that I understood it by operating
suessfully within it. I did that, then I got off the
platfor$. When I'd finished with "y#pae I felt
like I wanted a break fro$ blogging. When I
s t a r t e d t o b l o g a g a i n I d i d s o w i t h W o r d 4 r e s s
s o f t w a r e t h a t I s t u k o n t o t h e b a k e n d o f $ y
o w n w e b s i t e . 2 o w I o n t r o l t h e h o r i ? o n t a l a n d I
o n t r o l t h e v e r t i a l , a n d I d o n ' t h a v e t o w o r r y
a b o u t ; u p e r t " u r d o h a n d h i s $ i n i o n s d e l e t i n g
$ a t e r i a l I ' v e p o s t e d b e a u s e t h e y d i s a g r e e w i t h
i t . A o r $ e t h i s i s t h e w a y f o r w a r d t o W e b 2 . 1 ,
r u n n i n g s o f t w a r e o n o u r o w n s i t e s t h a t a l l o w s
o t h e r s t o i n t e r a t w i t h u s o n l i n e .
B
@
2-
2 E
Click This?
MySpace + the
Pornography
of Corporately
Controlled
Virtual Life
T h e r e ' s b e e n a l o t o f t a l k a b o u t W e b 2 . 0 o v e r t h e
p a s t f e w y e a r s , a n d I ' v e f o u n d b e i n g a t i v e o n
s o i a l n e t w o r k i n g s i t e s h a s p r o v i d e d t h e b e s t
p l a e n o t o n l y t o r e s e a r h i t b u t t o a n e ! t e n t a l s o
t o d i s u s s i t . " y e ! p l o r a t i o n s s t a r t e d o n " y # p a e
i n t h e s p r i n g o f 2 0 0 6 a n d i n i t i a l l y I s e t u p a n
a o u n t a s " i s t e r T r i p p y . " y g i $ $ i k w a s t o
b e h a v e a s i f I w a s s o $ e o n e e l s e p r e t e n d i n g t o b e
$ e , s o I d e l i b e r a t e l y f u d g e d f a t s a n d g o t $ i n o r
t h i n g s w r o n g a b o u t $ y l i f e a n d w o r k . T h i s l e d t o a
e r t a i n a $ o u n t o f s p e u l a t i o n a s t o w h o w a s
r u n n i n g w h a t w a s t a k e n t o b e a ' f a k e ' # t e w a r t
% o $ e s i t e . I n e ! t s e t u p a n a o u n t f o r $ y
g i r l f r i e n d T e s s i e , o n e o f $ y v e n t r i l o & u i s t d o l l s . I
w a s f a $ i l i a r w i t h p h e n o $ e n a l i k e r a d i o
v e n t r i l o & u i s $ s o I f i g u r e d i n t e r n e t v e n t r i l o & u i s $
w o u l d w o r k ' u s t a s w e l l . I n o $ $ e n t s s h e p o s t e d ,
T e s s i e l a i $ e d t o b e p r e g n a n t a n d w o u l d b e o $ e
e n r a g e d w h e n I r e s p o n d e d b y p o i n t i n g o u t p l a s t i
d o l l s a n ' t h a v e b a b i e s ( i t w a s u r i o u s t h a t & u i t e a
f e w w o $ e n s u p p o r t e d T e s s i e b y p o s t i n g
$ e s s a g e s s a y i n g t h e i r b o y f r i e n d s w e r e ' u s t l i k e
$ e , s i n e t h e s e $ e n h a d i n s i s t e d t h e i r o t h e r h a l f
w a s n ' t k n o k e d u p w h e n t h e y r e a l l y w e r e i n t h e
l u b .
"y#pae divide their user profiles into different
setions) a $ain profile with self desription,
pitures, videos, $usi and o$$ents( a blog
whose $ost reent headlines if any are displayed
on the profile page( and finally a setion for
uploaded photographs. I e!ploited all these
features but deided to fous on blogging, despite
finding the "y#pae blog ulture e!tre$ely
o$petitive and bithy at its top end. There was a
ore group desperate to ride high in the "y#pae
blog harts. *eause the harts were o$piled on
the basis of daily hits, bloggers in the +#, were
getting up in the $iddle of the night to post
i$$ediately after eah 2- hour ounting swith
over, thereby ensuring they $a!i$ised the hits
they got on the first day eah new blog was up.
*eing based in .urope I ould roll out of bed at
$y usual ti$e and get a blog up at the beginning
of the "y#pae day. Titles of blogs were and are
i$portant, $ost people wanted to read about se!
and blogs that ategorised the$selves as being
about 'ro$ane and relationships' tended to get
the $ost hits. The overwhel$ing $a'ority of the
blogs weren't in the least bit interesting( reading
about busts/ups between top bloggers who'd also
beo$e lovers 'ust wasn't $y bag. That said
$iro/worlds tend to develop around suessful
b l o g s a n d I h a d o n e o f $ y o w n t h a t $ a y w e l l
h a v e a p p e a r e d b o r i n g a n d i $ p e n e t r a b l e t o a s u a l
v i s i t o r s .
" y " i s t e r T r i p p y b l o g w a s a l i t t l e u n u s u a l i n t h a t
b o t h I a n d t h e o r e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n i t
h a v e a p e n h a n t f o r r e a t i n g $ u l t i p l e f a k e p r o f i l e s
0 a n d i d e n t i a l l o n e s o f e a h o t h e r ' s p r o f i l e s 1 , s o
t h e r e w a s a l w a y s a n a i r o f u n e r t a i n t y o v e r
e ! a t l y w h o w a s l e a v i n g o $ $ e n t s . T h e s e
i d e n t i t y g a $ e s p l a y e d i n v i r t u a l s p a e f o u n d t h e i r
p r e / w e b r y s t a l l i s a t i o n i n 2 e o i s $ , w e r e b r o u g h t
o n t o t h e n e t v i a T h e 3 u t h e r * l i s s e t t 4 r o ' e t i n t h e
1 5 5 0 s , a n d a n b e t r a e d b a k t h r o u g h
$ i d / t w e n t i e t h e n t u r y u l t u r a l / p o l i t i o
$ o v e $ e n t s s u h a s 3 e t t r i s $ t o 6 a d a . 2 e w
r e a d e r s w h o r e s p o n d e d t o $ y b l o g s a n d 7 o r p r o f i l e
t e n d e d t o d e s r i b e t h e $ a n d t h e s e p r a t i e s a s
b o t h i n t r i g u i n g a n d d i s o r i e n t a t i n g .
W h e n I ' o i n e d " y # p a e i t w a s s t i l l p l a g u e d b y
p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s p a $ a d v e r t i s i n g a d u l t d a t i n g
s i t e s a n d w e b a $ s e r v i e s . T a k i n g o u t f r e e
$ e $ b e r s h i p w i t h t h e s e s e ! o n t a t s i t e s o f t e n
a l l o w s a p r o f i l e t o b e r e a t e d b u t d o e s n t a l l o w
r e s p o n s e s t o t h e ' b o t g i r l s ' 0 f a k e f e $ a l e s w i n g e r s 1
w h o i $ $ e d i a t e l y o $ e o n t o $ a l e s w h o d o n ' t
have a pre$iu$ paid subsription( these sites
have virtually no fe$ale $e$bers, and they are
unlikely to do $uh for the thousands of
heterose!ual $ales who take out subsriptions to
the$. 8ver the past few years "y#pae has
raked down on suh spa$ $erhants beause
they ut into the operation's revenue base by
$aking users distrustful of all advertisers. That
said, I found it fun replying to spa$ o$$ents.
*ak on "y#pae I ouldn't resist responding to
the bot girls who left $e and $illions of others
$essages along the lines of 9%ow was your
weekend:9 8ne of $y standard replies to this
was) 9%ey $y weekend was great. I $anaged to
sneak one of the unidentified bodies out of the
hospital $orgue. I've na$ed this stiff "arie and I
took her for a date. Thus did $idnight find the
two of us / I and $y "arie / en'oying an inti$ate
andle/lit tete/a/tete at #hoop's, a loal
roadhouse on the far edge of town. ;o$ane was
in the air, and "arie, whose only fault as a dinner
o$panion was a tendeny to keep slipping
sideways out of the booth, had never looked
lovelier. I had about deided to order the fish
akes and had li$bed on top of the table, the
better to urge "arie to try the
s v e n g a l i / a n d / $ e a t b a l l s , o r ' 1 2 i n h e s o f
h a p p i n e s s ' a s i t i s s o $ e t i $ e s a l l e d , w h e n t h e
r o a d h o u s e o w n e r a $ e o v e r ) ' 4 h e w $ a n < ' h e
s a i d t o $ e , p o i n t i n g a t " a r i e . ' = o u g o t t a g e t t h a t
t h i n g o u t o f h e r e . I t ' s s t a r t i n g t o s t i n k t h e p l a e
u p a n d p e o p l e a r e o $ p l a i n i n g . , r e y o u n u t s o r
s o $ e t h i n g : ' W e l l " a r i e w a s n ' t f e e l i n g t h a t h u n g r y
a n d I f e l t s o $ e t h i n g o t h e r t h a n f o o d w a s o n t h e
$ e n u , s o w e l e f t a n d I d r o v e h e r t o a r e $ o t e
b e a u t y s p o t w h e r e w e $ a d e p a s s i o n a t e l o v e . I
e v e n g o t h e r b a k i n t h e h o s p i t a l o o l e r w i t h o u t
a n y b o d y n o t i i n g " a r i e h a d b e e n $ i s s i n g f o r h a l f
t h e n i g h t . # o I h a d a g r e a t w e e k e n d . I t r u s t y o u r s
w a s a g r o o v e . . . 9 # t r a n g e l y I ' v e n e v e r h a d a r e p l y
t o t h i s s t y l e o f o $ $ e n t b u t t h e n u s u a l l y t h e
p e o p l e I w a s l e a v i n g t h e $ f o r w a n t e d p u n t e r s t o
p a r t w i t h a s h f o r a d u l t d a t i n g a n d 7 o r w e b a $
a n d p o r n o g r a p h y s e r v i e s .
, n o t h e r f a v o u r i t e t r i k o f $ i n e w a s t o r e s p o n d t o
t h o s e o f f e r i n g h e l p w i t h i n t e r n e t b u s i n e s s s t a r t u p
s h e $ e s w i t h t h e f o l l o w i n g ) 9 % e y I w a s
u n e $ p l o y e d a n d h o $ e l e s s a f t e r l o s i n g $ y ' o b
a n d $ y r e l a t i o n s h i p b r o k e u p b e a u s e I h a d
e r e t i l e d y s f u n t i o n , b u t I k e p t h e k i n g $ y
e $ a i l s a t t h e l o a l l i b r a r y a n d I s r a p e d t o g e t h e r
t h e $ o n e y t o g e t s o $ e s h a r e s a f t e r I w a s s e n t
so$e anony$ous hot stok business advie, and I
started $aking a bit of $oney and got a flat to
rent, then I bought >iagra on the net and that
solved $y relationship proble$s and as I got into
doing $ore business on the web I found I was
$aking a lot of $oney and I bought a house in
3ondon and then a holiday ho$e in #pain and
so$e really nie ars. 2ow I've got $aids and a
suessful $arriage too 0although $ost nights
these days I stay our late snorting oaine and
having se! with high lass hookers / in fat I'$
getting a blow 'ob right now fro$ a pre/op
transse!ual and I'$ using $y 4al$ $ini o$puter
to write you this $essage1. #o I an really
reo$$end these business tehni&ues you're
offering people. *ut what your friends need even
$ore than these tehni&ues are the unseured
loans I an arrange for the$ beause they an't
start a suessful internet business without proper
finanial bak up. 4eople are onned into thinking
they an build up one of these operations without
the finanial wherewithal but that 'ust isn't true,
beause all the $ost suessful businesses on the
net are properly apitalised...9
I tended not to bother responding to spa$
$essages that ran along the lines of 9%ey hek
o u t $ y b a n d , w e ' v e g o t n e w t r a k s u p a n d w e ' d
l i k e y o u t o l e t u s k n o w w h a t y o u t h i n k 9 ( a l t h o u g h
v e r y o a s i o n a l l y w h e n I d i d l i k t h r o u g h t o a
b a n d s i t e I w o u l d l e a v e a o $ $ e n t a l o n g t h e l i n e s
o f ) 9 = e a h I h e k e d o u t y o u r $ u s i $ a n , a n d i t
s u k s w o r s e t h a n a n i n f a n t t h a t $ i s s e d a f e e d b u t
s i n e t h e $ a r k e t d i s t o r t s e v e r y t h i n g , i f y o u a r r y
o n w i t h y o u r p r o $ o t i o n s t h e n t h e r e ' s a o n e i n a
h u n d r e d b i l l i o n h a n e y o u ' l l b e t h e n e ! t + 2 0 a n d
t h e y s u k e v e n w o r s e t h a n y o u 1 . 9
T o b u i l d $ y p r o f i l e a n d b l o g I h a d t o b e p r o a t i v e ,
o $ $ e n t i n g o n o t h e r p e o p l e ' s p a g e s a n d
r e s p o n d i n g t o o $ $ e n t s o n $ y o w n . I
s i $ u l t a n e o u s l y e ! t e n d e d $ y n e t w o r k b y
o n s e n t i n g t o b e ' f r i e n d s ' / o n e o f t h e t w o p r o f i l e s
i n v o l v e d h a s t o $ a k e a f r i e n d r e & u e s t / w i t h o t h e r
u s e r s . 8 n l y f r i e n d s a n l e a v e p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s
b u t y o u a n o p t a s I d i d t o a l l o w a n y o n e t o l e a v e
b l o g o $ $ e n t s . I f o u n d p r o f i l e s o n t h e w h o l e l e s s
i n t e r e s t i n g t h a n b l o g s , s i n e o f t e n t h e y w e r e l i t t l e
$ o r e t h a n a l i s t o f o n s u $ e r p r e f e r e n e s i n t e r $ s
o f $ u s i , $ o v i e s a n d b o o k s . I t t o o k $ e a b o u t 6
$ o n t h s b e f o r e I w a s a b l e t o $ a k e t h e " y # p a e
T o p 5 0 b l o g s o n a r e g u l a r b a s i s . T h i s r e & u i r e d
a r o u n d a t h o u s a n d h i t s a d a y . W h a t I e v e n t u a l l y
w o r k e d o u t w a s t h a t i t w a s e a s i e r t o g e t a r o u n d
100 people to look at the sa$e blog 10 ti$es in a
day than it was to get 1000 different people to
look at it. #o when so$eone o$$ented on the
blog I'd o$$ent bak, then they'd o$e bak to
see what I'd said( by suh $eans I was building a
following as $uh for the o$$ents as for the
atual blogs 0in effet the o$$ents setion of
$y blogs bea$e a hat roo$, people
o$$enting started talking to eah other as well
as to $e1. This was hard work, sine it $eant
ontinually interrupting other work I was doing to
log on to "y#pae, but it was effetive, for a
while I was ending up with ten or so pages of
o$$ents on eah blog, or about 250 o$$ents
fro$ other "y#pae users and 250 replies that I
left. 2aturally $y replies weren't always detailed(
I developed ath phrases suh as 'toot toot' to
deal &uikly with $uh of what was left by way of
response to $y blogs.
#o$e of $y standard replies to o$$ents were a
little $ore involved than a ath phrase suh as
9beep beep9, sine the ut and paste funtion on
o$puters $eans that I never need to be short of
sores of reusable lines. *eing "ister Trippy $y
off the peg responses inluded) 9Wow I'$ really
stoned... really tripping... out of... I've gone
a n d . . . I s h o u l d n ' t h a v e g o t t e n t h i s h i g h . . . I d i d n ' t
t a k e e n o u g h a i d t o g e t t h i s h i g h . . . e v e n $ y
p l a y t h i n g s w a l k e d t o # a t u r n . . . b e n d p e n i l
e r a s e r s . . . d e l i i o u s . . . a p p l e s e ! p l o d e i n t o
b u t t e r f l i e s . . . I g o t t a g e t o u t t a h e r e . . . o n e t w o
t h r e e f o u r . . . I a n h a r d l y s e e . . . t o $ b s
i n t e r l o k i n g . . . t o o $ u h a i d . . . t o o $ a n y o l o u r s
b l o w n u p i n $ y f a e 9 * u t I w o u l d s t r e s s I w a s
i n t e r e s t e d i n b u i l d i n g a o $ $ u n t y a n d w h a t i s
i $ p o r t a n t i s t h e f l o w o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s o n a n d o f f
l i n e ( s o $ e e t i n g p e o p l e f a e t o f a e w a s a l s o
i $ p o r t a n t . # o $ e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n $ y
b l o g I ' d k n o w n f o r y e a r s , o t h e r s I $ e t i n t h e f l e s h
a s a r e s u l t o f $ y a t i v i t i e s o n " y # p a e , s o $ e I
d i d n ' t e v e r $ e e t b u t t h e y $ a n a g e d t o h o o k u p f o r
d r i n k s o r w h a t e v e r w i t h o t h e r p e o p l e o $ i n g o n
t h e b l o g .
* u i l d i n g $ y b l o g t o o k s l i g h t l y l o n g e r t h a n t h i n k i n g
u p a n d a p p r o p r i a t i n g o $ $ e n t s . I u s e d a $ i ! t u r e
o f $ a t e r i a l I ' d a l r e a d y p r o d u e d s u h a s u l t u r a l
e s s a y s a n d i n t e r v i e w s f r o $ $ y o w n w e b s i t e
0 w h i h b y t h i s $ e a n s f o u n d f r e s h r e a d e r s 1 , a n d
t e ! t s r e a t e d e s p e i a l l y f o r t h e b l o g s u h a s
r e v i e w s o f t r a s h f i l $ s . " y $ o v i e f o u s w a s o n
e ! p l o i t a t i o n a n d s l e a ? e f r o $ a r o u n d t h e w o r l d
w i t h s o $ e s o i o l o g y o f u l t u r e t h r o w n i n . I a l s o
parodied the very popular list blogs for$at,
throwing so$e politial and theoretial ontent in
with the o$edy. 8ne of $y reworkings of a
for$ula blog list was the following( and I liked it
so $uh I posted it twie, one in #pring 200@
and again a year later on 1@ Aebruary 200B)
"10 Down & Dirty Sexually Perverted Things
About Me
91. ,lthough I a$ the illegiti$ate son of +#
president Cohn A. Dennedy, I think his old war
poliies suked and he was a war/$ongering 'erk.
8n $y paternity, please note this is not the kind
of 'oke o$$ent you often get in these 9lists9, $y
$other was part of the Deeler set of *ritish
wo$en with who$ Dennedy en'oyed se!ual
ongress and the 4re? visited 3ondon 5 $onths
before I was born / that said CAD wouldn't fae up
to his responsibilities so the spae for $y father's
na$e on $y birth ertifiate is blank 0but this
doesn't $ean that $y passion for o$$unis$ is
so$e kind of 8edipal rebellion1.
92. I have never felt the $aternal need to have
hildren beause I a$ a 9bloke9. I do have an
illegiti$ate daughter alled *ritney #pears,
o$pare how the two of us look and you'll lok
t h e l i k e n e s s .
9 E . I l o v e p s y h e d e l i d r u g s a n d $ u s i t h a t i s r e d
w i t h p u r p l e f l a s h e s ( a l o t o f p e o p l e t h i n k t h i s
$ a k e s $ e a h i p p i e , b u t I ' $ a t u a l l y a n , f r o / F e l t .
G e t t i n g o f f $ y f a e o n p s y h e d e l i d r u g s ' u s t
h a p p e n s t o b e a r e a l l y o o l w a y o f o n n e t i n g
w i t h $ y s e l f . 3 i k e w i s e , I a n ' t h e l p o n s i d e r i n g
b a n d s l i k e T h e F r e a t i o n , T h e * i r d s a n d T h e A l i e s
0 1 5 6 0 s 3 o n d o n f r e a k b e a t $ u s i , n o t t o b e
o n f u s e d w i t h F a l i f o r n i a n g r o u p s l i k e T h e * y r d s 1 ,
a t o t a l g r o o v e .
9 - . I f a n t a s i ? e a b o u t h a v i n g s e ! w i t h $ y s e l f / I
b e t y o u a l l d o < 6 o n ' t 3 i e .
9 5 . # t y r o f o a $ g i v e s $ e g o o s e b u $ p s a l l o v e r .
9 6 . I ' $ a d d i t e d t o C h e e z - t s ! I l o v e t h e $ . I e a t
t h e $ a l l d a y . I t a k e t h e $ t o w o r k w i t h $ e . I k e e p
a l i t t l e ? i p l o k b a g o f t h e $ n e ! t t o $ y b e d i n
a s e I w a k e u p i n t h e $ i d d l e o f t h e n i g h t a n d
n e e d s o $ e C h e e z - t s ! I p l a n w h a t d a y I ' l l d o $ y
f o o d s h o p p i n g b a s e d o n h o w $ u h C h e e z - t s I
h a v e l e f t . I a n s h a k e a b o ! a n d g u e s s h o w $ u h
l o n g e r t h a t p a r t i u l a r b o ! w i l l l a s t $ e b a s e d o n
h o w $ a n y C h e e z - t s a r e l e f t i n i t .
9 @ . I l i k e t o $ a k e a n i $ a l n o i s e s ( I a w a t r o w s ,
$ e o w a t a t s , b a r k l i k e a d o g a n d $ o o a t o w s .
%owever, $ost of all I like to s&ueak like a bat
beause I think it will entie $y friend Delly to
ontat $e.
9B. I don't wear $ake/up very often. %owever,
when I do, I go for eye liner, eye shadow,
powders and lip gloss. I en'oy looking nie.
95. I never lie and would instead find interesting
ways to 9bend9 the truth if this bea$e
neessary( but sine the notion of 9truth9 is
soially onstruted and isn't 9out there9, it an't
be 9found9 and therefore I don't need to ad'ust it.
910. I hate lists and refuse to o$pile the$.9
I also wrote fitional piees about $yself and
so$e of the regulars who ontributed o$$ents
to $y blog. In doing this I often adopted
post$odern literary tehni&ues, by for e!a$ple
taking newspaper stories and adapting na$es and
other details to $ake the$ about $e and $y
readers. Aor e!a$ple) 9, kinky se! esapade
ended this week with the eletroution death of a
*elfast $an and the arrest of his boyfriend for
$anslaughter. ,ording to ops, #tewart %o$e,
-5, first lai$ed that his boyfriend "ihael D was
shoked by his hair dryer. *ut he then ad$itted
that the ouple was 'into weird se!ual
b e h a v i o u r s , ' a o r d i n g t o a p r o b a b l e a u s e
a f f i d a v i t . % o $ e t h e n e ! p l a i n e d t h a t h e h o o k s l i p s
t o h i s b o y f r i e n d ' s n i p p l e s a n d ' p l u g s t h e o r d i n t o
a n e l e t r i s t r i p ' a n d s h o k s h i $ . 8 n T u e s d a y
e v e n i n g , % o $ e s a i d , " i h a e l w h o w a s v i s i t i n g h i $
i n * l o o $ s b u r y 0 3 o n d o n 1 r e $ o v e d h i s l o t h e s ,
a t t a h e d t h e l i p s , a n d s h o k e d h i $ s e l f . % o $ e
t h e n p i k e d u p t h e e l e t r i s t r i p a n d s h o k e d D
s e v e r a l $ o r e t i $ e s , a d d i n g t h a t h e h a d p l a e d a
p i e e o f e l e t r i t a p e o v e r D ' s $ o u t h d u r i n g t h e
' o l t s . , f t e r t h e l a s t s h o k , " i h a e l , - 0 , ' f e l l o v e r
o n t o h i s f a e . ' % o $ e i n i t i a l l y t h o u g h t h i s
b o y f r i e n d w a s ' o k i n g , b u t & u i k l y r e a l i ? e d h e w a s
u n o n s i o u s . % e t h e n d r e s s e d h i $ i n p r e p a r a t i o n
f o r g e t t i n g t o t h e h o s p i t a l , b u t i n s t e a d a l l e d 5 5 5
w h e n h e s t o p p e d b r e a t h i n g . % o $ e t o l d
i n v e s t i g a t o r s t h a t t h e o u p l e h a d ' b e e n e n g a g i n g
i n e l e t r i s h o k s e ! a n d o t h e r t y p e s o f e ! t r e $ e
b o n d a g e f o r a b o u t 2 y e a r s . ' % e w a s h a r g e d
y e s t e r d a y w i t h i n v o l u n t a r y $ a n s l a u g h t e r a n d
r e k l e s s e n d a n g e r $ e n t a n d w a s ' a i l e d i n t h e W e s t
. n d F e n t r a l p o l i e s t a t i o n 0 w h e r e h e r e $ a i n s i n
u s t o d y o n 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 b a i l 1 . 9
" y b l o g s o u l d a n d d i d g e t $ o r e s e r i o u s t h a n t h e
a b o v e e ! a $ p l e $ i g h t i n d i a t e . , n d s o $ e o f $ y
$ o r e o b v i o u s l y p o l i t i a l b l o g s d r e w o u t i n t e r e s t i n g
s t o r i e s i n t h e o $ $ e n t s . I r e p r o d u e b e l o w a b l o g
o f " # $ e b r u a r y " 0 0 % b e a u s e i t l e d t o r e a d e r s
r e o u n t i n g t h e i r o w n e ! p e r i e n e s o f p o l i e
h a r a s s $ e n t , o n e o f w h i h I f o u n d p a r t i u l a r l y
p e r t i n e n t a n d w i l l a l s o & u o t e i n f u l l . I t h i n k i t
u n l i k e l y t h a t e i t h e r o f t h e f o l l o w i n g t w o i n i d e n t s
w o u l d h a v e e n t e r e d t h e p u b l i d o $ a i n 0 a l b e i t i n a
l o w k e y $ a n n e r 1 h a d i t n o t b e e n f o r t h e b l o g g i n g
p h e n o $ e n o n )
" & e v e r ' i n d t h e t e r r o r i s t s ( ) r i t * o + s d e * i d e t o
h a s s l e + e o + l e o n t h e i r w a y t o t h e + u b i n s t e a d ! ! !
8 n W e d n e s d a y I g o t s t o p p e d u n d e r # e t i o n , - o f
T h e T e r r o r i s $ , t 2 0 0 0 . W h a t h a d I d o n e t o
a r o u s e s u s p i i o n : I ' d w a l k e d o u t o f 3 a d b r o k e
G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n < < < < 2 a u g h t y n a u g h t y
n a u g h t y < < < < # o t h e o l d b i l l w i t h w a r r a n t n o . 2 2 - 5 6
/ w h o w a s n ' t a l l o w e d t o g i v e $ e h i s n a $ e
b e a u s e h e w a s o n d u t i n g a ' o u n t e r t e r r o r i s $ '
s e a r h 0 9 ' , l l o , ' a l l o , ' a l l o w o t ' s g o i n ' o n ' e r e t h e n :
W h y h a v e y o u g o t t w o a r $ s a n d t w o l e g s : 9 1 /
d e $ a n d e d t o s e e $ y I 6 . T h i s w a s a n o d d t h i n g t o
a s k f o r b e a u s e t h e r e i s n o i d e n t i t y a r d s y s t e $
i n o p e r a t i o n i n t h e + D . I t h e r e f o r e a s k e d i f I ' d
u n d e r s t o o d o r r e t l y a n d w a s r e & u i r e d t o s h o w I 6
a n d w a s t o l d t h i s w a s t h e a s e . W a r r a n t n o .
22-56 aepted a university staff ard with a
photograph of $e on it as I6( although I
suspeted it would have pleased hi$ to arrest $e
for not possessing a non/e!istent +D I6 ard.
When I was asked what I worked as, I said
novelist beause while true it was not &uite
idential with the work for whih I'd shown a staff
ard. Warrant no. 22-56 wrote down a desription
of $e and this inluded the detail I was wearing
blak boots, although I was atually wearing blak
shoes, whih $ade $e further wonder what the
real point of all the 'ounter terrorist' ativity that
goes on in 3ondon is when $undane details like
this aren't orretly reorded by the old bill. 2o.
22-56 also noted $y #6. Fode, this is self
defined ethniity 0aording to the "ets 9what
ethni group you say your origins are fro$91,
although sine this was done without $e atually
being onsulted I so$ehow doubt that it went
down as 9,fro/Felti9( the detail was entered with
the ode W1. This funtions as another e!a$ple
of how in reality I was 'ust being hassled and the
ativity had nothing whatsoever to do with so
alled 'ounter terroris$'.
92e!t 2o. 22-56 got onto a &uestion whih
re$inded $e of how I was endlessly harassed by
t h e o l d b i l l a s a t e e n a g e r ) 9 % a v e y o u e v e r b e e n i n
t r o u b l e w i t h t h e p o l i e b e f o r e : 9 I & u e r i e d t h i s
f o r $ u l a t i o n b y a s k i n g ) 9 W h a t d o y o u $ e a n
b e f o r e : I ' $ n o t i n t r o u b l e n o w . 9 I w a s e v i d e n t l y
o r r e t s i n e I w a s n ' t a r r e s t e d a n d a l l t h e
s t a n d a r d r i $ i n a l h a r g e s e t i o n s o n t h e f o r $ 2 o .
2 2 - 5 6 f i l l e d i n w e r e i r l e d o n t h e ' n ' r a t h e r t h a n
t h e ' y ' s e t i o n / d a $ a g e a u s e d n o n e , i n ' u r y
a u s e d n o n e , p r o p e r t y r e o v e r e d 7 s e i ? e d n o n e ,
o f f e n s i v e w e a p o n n o n e , g i v e d e t a i l s n o n e . . . I t w a s
a l $ o s t % e g e l i a n i n t h e w a y w e w e r e o n s t a n t l y
g e t t i n g l o s e r t o n o t h i n g <
9 8 n b e i n g a s k e d w h y I w a s i n t h e a r e a I s a i d I
h a d l o n g s t a n d i n g o n n e t i o n s w i t h i t a n d t h a t $ y
$ o t h e r h a d l i v e d i n n e a r b y * a s s e t t ; o a d w h e n I
w a s b o r n a n d h a d d i e d i n F a $ b r i d g e G a r d e n s
0 b o t h o f w h i h r u n o f f 3 a d b r o k e G r o v e w h e r e I
w a s s t o p p e d 1 . I a l s o p o i n t e d o u t t h a t $ y $ o t h e r
b e i n g f o u n d n a k e d a n d d e a d o n h e r b e d w i t h t h e
d o o r t o h e r b e d s i t o p e n a n d t h e l i g h t s o n h a d n ' t
b e e n o n s i d e r e d s u s p i i o u s b y t h e l o a l p o l i e , s o
I d i d n ' t r e a l l y s e e w h y $ e w a l k i n g o u t o f
3 a d b r o k e G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n a p p e a r e d s u s p i i o u s
t o t h e $ . I w a s t h e n a s k e d w h e r e I w a s g o i n g a n d
s a i d 9 T h e W a r w i k 9 a n d w a s t o l d I o u l d g o (
a l t h o u g h a t u a l l y w h a t w a s t h e W a r w i k F a s t l e
and everyone still alls The Warwik has had the
na$e shortened to The Fastle and turned into
so$e sort of gastro night$are in an as yet
unsuessful atte$pt to lear out the deadbeats
who ongregate there. While the hange of deor
and shortening of the na$e hasn't got rid of us
yet, I'$ sure the prie inreases will... or polie
harass$ent. Fo$e to think of it ne!t ti$e I
arrange to $eet anyone in a pub I think I'll go to
a Weatherspoons on the other side of town....
,fter all at 22@ Westbourne 4ark ;oad opposite
The Warwik is an e&ually notorious tourist
attration, the site of the 9*lue 6oor9 in the fil$
"&otting ,ill" that led to the for$er residene of
the diretor ;ihard Furtis. In one of the fil$'s
endless low $o$ents %ugh Grant's Welsh
flat$ate appears there in his underpants. The
atual door was shipped to 6evon in 2000 after
being sold at Fhristie's for 5000. 3ikewise, the old
bill stopping $e on $y way to The Warwik under
the guise of 'preventing terroris$' is learly
o$plete and utter bolloks 'ust like the ;ihard
Furtis $ovie 9&otting ,ill"!9
This drew fro$ "ark / a bloke in his $id/forties
fro$ south 3ondon who generally responded to
$y blogs with witty one/liners the following story)
9 = e p . F o $ p l e t e a n d u t t e r b o l l o k s . % a p p e n e d t o
$ e a b o u t - y e a r s a g o , a n d I d i d a t u a l l y g e t
a r r e s t e d u n d e r t h e t e r r o r i s $ a t . W h a t h a p p e n e d
w a s t h a t I w a s p i s s e d , a n d I ' d g o t o n t h e w r o n g
t r a i n h o $ e t h a t w e n t $ i l e s i n t h e o p p o s i t e
d i r e t i o n 0 w h i h h a s a t u a l l y h a p p e n e d t o $ e a
f e w t i $ e s e $ b a r r a s s i n g l y , $ o s t r e e n t l y a b o u t a
y e a r a g o . . . . 1 I w o u l d ' v e g o t a a b b a k f r o $
F r o y d o n , b u t n o n e o f t h e s t r o p p y d r i v e r s w o u l d
t a k e s o $ e o n e a b i t w o b b l y o n t h e i r f e e t , a n d s o
o b v i o u s l y p i s s e d , s o t h e r e y a g o . # o a t r a i n i t
w a s , t h e r e w e r e s t i l l s o $ e r u n n i n g , t h o u g h t I
o u l d g e t o n e t o F r y s t a l 4 a l a e o r s o $ e t h i n g . G o t
o n a t r a i n , a n d a s s o o n a s t h e d o o r s s h u t , I
r e a l i s e d i t w a s f a s t t o G a t w i k . A u k . W e l l ,
G a t w i k s t a t i o n s e e $ e d l i k e a $ a ? e t r y i n g t o f i n d
y o u r w a y a r o u n d w h e n p i s s e d , I t e l l y o u . , n y w a y ,
a f t e r $ u h w a n d e r i n g a r o u n d p l a t f o r $ s s e e i n g
h o w t h e f u k I a n g e t b a k , I e v e n t u a l l y g e t
o l l a r e d b y a s o l i t a r y o p p e r i n u n i f o r $ w h o t e l l s
$ e I ' $ b e i n g p l a e d u n d e r a r r e s t u n d e r t h e
t e r r o r i s $ a t .
9 6 o n ' t r e $ e $ b e r a n y t h i n g a f t e r t h a t , I r e a l l y
d o n ' t . I $ u s t ' v e b l a k e d o u t , f a i n t e d o r
s o $ e t h i n g , I d o n ' t k n o w . 0 I w a s v e r y p i s s e d 1 3 a s t
t h i n g I r e $ e $ b e r i s b e i n g s e i ? e d b y t h e a r $ a n d
being esorted away. ,nyway, ne!t thing I know
it's dayti$e and I wake up fully lothed 0but
$inus 'aket and shoes1 in so$e private hospital
way out in the stiks in bloody Fhihester 0WTA:
That's -0 $iles away fro$ Frawley polie station,
where I was first taken to<1, like when The
Prisoner wakes up in The >illage for the first ti$e
or so$ething< ;eally fuking weird e!periene,
partiularly as the plae see$ed e$pty at first. I
find an unattended reeption desk, start shouting
9%ello:9 to no response for what see$ed like
bloody ages until eventually so$eone in harge
turns up. I'$ then told that I had 'tried to sale a
fene at Gatwik airport itself'< 0whih I was
absolutely nowhere near, inidentally.1 Auking
ludirous allegation, not only was I not anywhere
near any fenes, I was I2#I6. a bloody train
station, but seeing as I'$ arthriti in both knees
0and 'ust about $anage to walk unaided1, I
wouldn't even ,TT."4T to li$b any sodding
fene, anyway< In any ase, I was asking people
at the train station how I ould get %8"., so
W%= the fuk would I have tried to do T%,T:
9,nyway, after $uh pleading fro$ $e for the
ops to try and prove this o$plete and utter
bullshit, there wasn't any FFT> footage of this
a l l e g e d a t f o r t h o $ i n g , w h i h w a s n ' t a s u r p r i s e ,
s e e i n g a s i t n e v e r s o d d i n g h a p p e n e d i n t h e
s o d d i n g f i r s t p l a e < # o $ e f u k i n g b u l l s h i t w a n k e r
s t i t h / u p o p p e r t a k i n g a d v a n t a g e o f $ y s t a t e
a n d t r y i n g t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k g o o d t o h i s
b o s s e s o r s o $ e t h i n g , I a n o n l y g u e s s . 0 : 1 I n e v e r
d i d g e t $ y s h o e s b a k f r o $ t h e s w i n e e i t h e r , o r
t h e ' a k e t I w a s w e a r i n g . # u p p o s e t h e y t o o k
t h e $ a p a r t l o o k i n g f o r b o $ b s o r s o $ e t h i n g .
, n y w a y , I w a s n ' t h a r g e d w i t h a n y t h i n g o f a n y
k i n d , o r e v e n a u t i o n e d i n t h e e n d , a n d i t a l l g o t
& u i e t l y s w e p t u n d e r t h e a r p e t , e v e n t u a l l y . * u t
o n l y a f t e r t h e $ a s s i v e f u k i n g h e a d f u k
e ! p e r i e n e o f b e i n g i n u s t o d y t r y i n g t o p r o v e
$ y s e l f i n n o e n t t o p e o p l e w h o d i d n ' t w a n t t o
f u k i n g l i s t e n , t h o u g h . = e a h , s u p p o s e i t o u l d ' v e
b e e n $ u h w o r s e a n d i t o u l d ' v e b e e n a o p p e r
w i t h a g u n w h o w a n t e d t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k t h e
b i g ' h e r o ' t h e r e . . . , l l p r o b a b l y s o u n d s i n r e d i b l e ,
b u t a t r u e s t o r y , I k i d y o u n o t . T h e s h i t t i e s t t h i n g
t h a t ' s e v e r h a p p e n e d t o $ e . 9
W h i l e I i n ' e t e d p l e n t y o f h u $ o u r i n t o $ y b l o g s ,
w h a t I w a s d o i n g h a d a p o l i t i a l t h r u s t . I n r e d i b l y
$ y b l o g g i n g e f f o r t s w e r e n o t ' u s t r e o g n i s e d b u t
a l s o r e w a r d e d b y " y # p a e , s i n e w h e n t h e
p l a t f o r $ i n t r o d u e d a + D ' * l o g o f t h e W e e k '
feature in Aebruary 200B they $ade $ine the first
profile they endorsed through it. I knew fro$
other soures that "y#pae had been traking $y
ativities for so$e ti$e, sine the hits I was
getting had attrated the attention of their data
analysts. I got the i$pression they hadn't looked
at the atual ontent of the blogs too losely. In
so$e ways I found this odd beause the key to
reating a good blog is ontent. It was where a lot
of people fell down in their online ativities.
*loggers often appeared unable to $ove beyond
trivia to broader onerns, and $any postings
were badly written to boot( a little bit of rewriting
ould have $assively i$proved $any of the$.
Initially I'd wanted to pipe people off "y#pae
and onto $y own website
0Hwww.stewartho$esoiety.orgI1, but it &uikly
bea$e apparent this wasn't going to happen in
any big way. I wasn't doing badly on "y#pae but
the ontraditions of working in a web
environ$ent ontrolled by $edia $ogul ;upert
"urdoh eventually bea$e too $uh for $e.
Inreasingly I found o$$ents and other $aterial
deleted fro$ $y pages presu$ably beause it
was dee$ed offensive, and so$e of $y friends
had whole aounts deleted. Then early on @
" a r h 2 0 0 B I g o t a $ e s s a g e f r o $ " y # p a e ) 9 8 n
" a r h 1 0 t h , 2 0 0 B - + e r a t i o n M y S + a * e w i l l b r i n g
t h e t r o o p s i n D u w a i t a n d a l l o f " y # p a e a 3 I > .
s h o w i n D u l a b y t e % 6 t h a t t h e y ' l l n e v e r f o r g e t .
6 i s t u r b e d , 4 u s s y a t 6 o l l s , C e s s i a # i $ p s o n , A i l t e r ,
F a r l o s " e n i a , " e t a l # a n a ? , 6 C J / T r i p , 2 6 " 8 ; .
w i l l a l l b e a p a r t o f t h i s s p e t a u l a r e v e n t t h a t w i l l
b e s t r e a $ e d 3 I > . o n l y o n " y # p a e I t ' s 2 0 0 B
a n d t h e w o r l d h a s h a n g e d b u t o u r t r o o p s s t i l l
n e e d o u r s u p p o r t . 4 l e a s e d r o p b y a n d l e a v e a
s p e i a l $ e s s a g e f o r t h e t r o o p s 9 I t w a s o b v i o u s
" y # p a e w e r e n ' t i n t h e b u s i n e s s o f h e l p i n g $ e
d e l i v e r $ y p e r s o n a l $ e s s a g e t o t h e t r o o p s , w h i h
$ i g h t b e s u $ $ a r i s e d a s ) 9 A u k t h e a r $ y < T h e
o n l y g o o d s o l d i e r s a r e t h o s e w h o d e s e r t t a k i n g
t h e i r a r $ s w i t h t h e $ 9
# i n e I ' $ a g a i n s t i $ p e r i a l i s $ a n d o p p o s e r a i s t
s a d i s t s i n u n i f o r $ , I & u i k l y r e a h e d t h e
o n l u s i o n I w a n t e d t o d e l e t e $ y " y # p a e
a o u n t s . . . b u t b e f o r e d o i n g s o o n 1 0 " a r h 2 0 0 B
I t r i e d t o d i s u s s i t v i a a b l o g I p o s t e d o n @
" a r h . T h e f o l l o w i n g o $ $ e n t f r o $ F h r i s t o p h e r
2 o s n i b o r i s p r e t t y t y p i a l o f t h e r e a t i o n t o $ y
s u g g e s t i o n e v e r y o n e w h o o p p o s e d w a r s h o u l d g e t
o f f " y # p a e ) 9 A u k i n g h e l l , I ' $ i n l i n e d t o w a r d
b o y o t t i n g a n y s i t e t h a t h a s a n y t h i n g t o d o w i t h
the 4ussyat 6olls, never $ind the politial
agenda<... I boyott an awful lot / o$panies who
test on ani$als, use sweat shops, fund the *ush
ad$inistration, et., and tend to at upon $y
beliefs that the onsu$er should vote with their
wallet. *ut having one's voie heard is also
i$portant, whih is why I also try to $ake lear
preisely why I avoid ertain brands and so on.
"y#pae is a very good platfor$ for getting $y
views read. *+T / and here's the proble$ /
e!pressing dissent on "y#pae see$s to be
beo$ing inreasingly diffiult and the platfor$
appears to be beo$ing $ore adept at silening
the dissenters, one way or another...' 8ther
o$$ents pointed out the o$$erial benefits to
"y#pae of allying the$selves with soldiers)
9When push o$es to shove, a $ass/$arket
pheno$enon like "y#pae is going to go for
,pple 4ie and "otherhood every ti$e.9
I didn't and don't feel I need "yspae to get $y
voie heard. I went into "y#pae as a virtual
environ$ent with the intention of understanding
it and proving that I understood it by operating
suessfully within it. I did that, then I got off the
platfor$. When I'd finished with "y#pae I felt
like I wanted a break fro$ blogging. When I
s t a r t e d t o b l o g a g a i n I d i d s o w i t h W o r d 4 r e s s
s o f t w a r e t h a t I s t u k o n t o t h e b a k e n d o f $ y
o w n w e b s i t e . 2 o w I o n t r o l t h e h o r i ? o n t a l a n d I
o n t r o l t h e v e r t i a l , a n d I d o n ' t h a v e t o w o r r y
a b o u t ; u p e r t " u r d o h a n d h i s $ i n i o n s d e l e t i n g
$ a t e r i a l I ' v e p o s t e d b e a u s e t h e y d i s a g r e e w i t h
i t . A o r $ e t h i s i s t h e w a y f o r w a r d t o W e b 2 . 1 ,
r u n n i n g s o f t w a r e o n o u r o w n s i t e s t h a t a l l o w s
o t h e r s t o i n t e r a t w i t h u s o n l i n e .
1 0
5
22
2 1
Click This?
MySpace + the
Pornography
of Corporately
Controlled
Virtual Life
T h e r e ' s b e e n a l o t o f t a l k a b o u t W e b 2 . 0 o v e r t h e
p a s t f e w y e a r s , a n d I ' v e f o u n d b e i n g a t i v e o n
s o i a l n e t w o r k i n g s i t e s h a s p r o v i d e d t h e b e s t
p l a e n o t o n l y t o r e s e a r h i t b u t t o a n e ! t e n t a l s o
t o d i s u s s i t . " y e ! p l o r a t i o n s s t a r t e d o n " y # p a e
i n t h e s p r i n g o f 2 0 0 6 a n d i n i t i a l l y I s e t u p a n
a o u n t a s " i s t e r T r i p p y . " y g i $ $ i k w a s t o
b e h a v e a s i f I w a s s o $ e o n e e l s e p r e t e n d i n g t o b e
$ e , s o I d e l i b e r a t e l y f u d g e d f a t s a n d g o t $ i n o r
t h i n g s w r o n g a b o u t $ y l i f e a n d w o r k . T h i s l e d t o a
e r t a i n a $ o u n t o f s p e u l a t i o n a s t o w h o w a s
r u n n i n g w h a t w a s t a k e n t o b e a ' f a k e ' # t e w a r t
% o $ e s i t e . I n e ! t s e t u p a n a o u n t f o r $ y
g i r l f r i e n d T e s s i e , o n e o f $ y v e n t r i l o & u i s t d o l l s . I
w a s f a $ i l i a r w i t h p h e n o $ e n a l i k e r a d i o
v e n t r i l o & u i s $ s o I f i g u r e d i n t e r n e t v e n t r i l o & u i s $
w o u l d w o r k ' u s t a s w e l l . I n o $ $ e n t s s h e p o s t e d ,
T e s s i e l a i $ e d t o b e p r e g n a n t a n d w o u l d b e o $ e
e n r a g e d w h e n I r e s p o n d e d b y p o i n t i n g o u t p l a s t i
d o l l s a n ' t h a v e b a b i e s ( i t w a s u r i o u s t h a t & u i t e a
f e w w o $ e n s u p p o r t e d T e s s i e b y p o s t i n g
$ e s s a g e s s a y i n g t h e i r b o y f r i e n d s w e r e ' u s t l i k e
$ e , s i n e t h e s e $ e n h a d i n s i s t e d t h e i r o t h e r h a l f
w a s n ' t k n o k e d u p w h e n t h e y r e a l l y w e r e i n t h e
l u b .
"y#pae divide their user profiles into different
setions) a $ain profile with self desription,
pitures, videos, $usi and o$$ents( a blog
whose $ost reent headlines if any are displayed
on the profile page( and finally a setion for
uploaded photographs. I e!ploited all these
features but deided to fous on blogging, despite
finding the "y#pae blog ulture e!tre$ely
o$petitive and bithy at its top end. There was a
ore group desperate to ride high in the "y#pae
blog harts. *eause the harts were o$piled on
the basis of daily hits, bloggers in the +#, were
getting up in the $iddle of the night to post
i$$ediately after eah 2- hour ounting swith
over, thereby ensuring they $a!i$ised the hits
they got on the first day eah new blog was up.
*eing based in .urope I ould roll out of bed at
$y usual ti$e and get a blog up at the beginning
of the "y#pae day. Titles of blogs were and are
i$portant, $ost people wanted to read about se!
and blogs that ategorised the$selves as being
about 'ro$ane and relationships' tended to get
the $ost hits. The overwhel$ing $a'ority of the
blogs weren't in the least bit interesting( reading
about busts/ups between top bloggers who'd also
beo$e lovers 'ust wasn't $y bag. That said
$iro/worlds tend to develop around suessful
b l o g s a n d I h a d o n e o f $ y o w n t h a t $ a y w e l l
h a v e a p p e a r e d b o r i n g a n d i $ p e n e t r a b l e t o a s u a l
v i s i t o r s .
" y " i s t e r T r i p p y b l o g w a s a l i t t l e u n u s u a l i n t h a t
b o t h I a n d t h e o r e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n i t
h a v e a p e n h a n t f o r r e a t i n g $ u l t i p l e f a k e p r o f i l e s
0 a n d i d e n t i a l l o n e s o f e a h o t h e r ' s p r o f i l e s 1 , s o
t h e r e w a s a l w a y s a n a i r o f u n e r t a i n t y o v e r
e ! a t l y w h o w a s l e a v i n g o $ $ e n t s . T h e s e
i d e n t i t y g a $ e s p l a y e d i n v i r t u a l s p a e f o u n d t h e i r
p r e / w e b r y s t a l l i s a t i o n i n 2 e o i s $ , w e r e b r o u g h t
o n t o t h e n e t v i a T h e 3 u t h e r * l i s s e t t 4 r o ' e t i n t h e
1 5 5 0 s , a n d a n b e t r a e d b a k t h r o u g h
$ i d / t w e n t i e t h e n t u r y u l t u r a l / p o l i t i o
$ o v e $ e n t s s u h a s 3 e t t r i s $ t o 6 a d a . 2 e w
r e a d e r s w h o r e s p o n d e d t o $ y b l o g s a n d 7 o r p r o f i l e
t e n d e d t o d e s r i b e t h e $ a n d t h e s e p r a t i e s a s
b o t h i n t r i g u i n g a n d d i s o r i e n t a t i n g .
W h e n I ' o i n e d " y # p a e i t w a s s t i l l p l a g u e d b y
p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s p a $ a d v e r t i s i n g a d u l t d a t i n g
s i t e s a n d w e b a $ s e r v i e s . T a k i n g o u t f r e e
$ e $ b e r s h i p w i t h t h e s e s e ! o n t a t s i t e s o f t e n
a l l o w s a p r o f i l e t o b e r e a t e d b u t d o e s n t a l l o w
r e s p o n s e s t o t h e ' b o t g i r l s ' 0 f a k e f e $ a l e s w i n g e r s 1
w h o i $ $ e d i a t e l y o $ e o n t o $ a l e s w h o d o n ' t
have a pre$iu$ paid subsription( these sites
have virtually no fe$ale $e$bers, and they are
unlikely to do $uh for the thousands of
heterose!ual $ales who take out subsriptions to
the$. 8ver the past few years "y#pae has
raked down on suh spa$ $erhants beause
they ut into the operation's revenue base by
$aking users distrustful of all advertisers. That
said, I found it fun replying to spa$ o$$ents.
*ak on "y#pae I ouldn't resist responding to
the bot girls who left $e and $illions of others
$essages along the lines of 9%ow was your
weekend:9 8ne of $y standard replies to this
was) 9%ey $y weekend was great. I $anaged to
sneak one of the unidentified bodies out of the
hospital $orgue. I've na$ed this stiff "arie and I
took her for a date. Thus did $idnight find the
two of us / I and $y "arie / en'oying an inti$ate
andle/lit tete/a/tete at #hoop's, a loal
roadhouse on the far edge of town. ;o$ane was
in the air, and "arie, whose only fault as a dinner
o$panion was a tendeny to keep slipping
sideways out of the booth, had never looked
lovelier. I had about deided to order the fish
akes and had li$bed on top of the table, the
better to urge "arie to try the
s v e n g a l i / a n d / $ e a t b a l l s , o r ' 1 2 i n h e s o f
h a p p i n e s s ' a s i t i s s o $ e t i $ e s a l l e d , w h e n t h e
r o a d h o u s e o w n e r a $ e o v e r ) ' 4 h e w $ a n < ' h e
s a i d t o $ e , p o i n t i n g a t " a r i e . ' = o u g o t t a g e t t h a t
t h i n g o u t o f h e r e . I t ' s s t a r t i n g t o s t i n k t h e p l a e
u p a n d p e o p l e a r e o $ p l a i n i n g . , r e y o u n u t s o r
s o $ e t h i n g : ' W e l l " a r i e w a s n ' t f e e l i n g t h a t h u n g r y
a n d I f e l t s o $ e t h i n g o t h e r t h a n f o o d w a s o n t h e
$ e n u , s o w e l e f t a n d I d r o v e h e r t o a r e $ o t e
b e a u t y s p o t w h e r e w e $ a d e p a s s i o n a t e l o v e . I
e v e n g o t h e r b a k i n t h e h o s p i t a l o o l e r w i t h o u t
a n y b o d y n o t i i n g " a r i e h a d b e e n $ i s s i n g f o r h a l f
t h e n i g h t . # o I h a d a g r e a t w e e k e n d . I t r u s t y o u r s
w a s a g r o o v e . . . 9 # t r a n g e l y I ' v e n e v e r h a d a r e p l y
t o t h i s s t y l e o f o $ $ e n t b u t t h e n u s u a l l y t h e
p e o p l e I w a s l e a v i n g t h e $ f o r w a n t e d p u n t e r s t o
p a r t w i t h a s h f o r a d u l t d a t i n g a n d 7 o r w e b a $
a n d p o r n o g r a p h y s e r v i e s .
, n o t h e r f a v o u r i t e t r i k o f $ i n e w a s t o r e s p o n d t o
t h o s e o f f e r i n g h e l p w i t h i n t e r n e t b u s i n e s s s t a r t u p
s h e $ e s w i t h t h e f o l l o w i n g ) 9 % e y I w a s
u n e $ p l o y e d a n d h o $ e l e s s a f t e r l o s i n g $ y ' o b
a n d $ y r e l a t i o n s h i p b r o k e u p b e a u s e I h a d
e r e t i l e d y s f u n t i o n , b u t I k e p t h e k i n g $ y
e $ a i l s a t t h e l o a l l i b r a r y a n d I s r a p e d t o g e t h e r
t h e $ o n e y t o g e t s o $ e s h a r e s a f t e r I w a s s e n t
so$e anony$ous hot stok business advie, and I
started $aking a bit of $oney and got a flat to
rent, then I bought >iagra on the net and that
solved $y relationship proble$s and as I got into
doing $ore business on the web I found I was
$aking a lot of $oney and I bought a house in
3ondon and then a holiday ho$e in #pain and
so$e really nie ars. 2ow I've got $aids and a
suessful $arriage too 0although $ost nights
these days I stay our late snorting oaine and
having se! with high lass hookers / in fat I'$
getting a blow 'ob right now fro$ a pre/op
transse!ual and I'$ using $y 4al$ $ini o$puter
to write you this $essage1. #o I an really
reo$$end these business tehni&ues you're
offering people. *ut what your friends need even
$ore than these tehni&ues are the unseured
loans I an arrange for the$ beause they an't
start a suessful internet business without proper
finanial bak up. 4eople are onned into thinking
they an build up one of these operations without
the finanial wherewithal but that 'ust isn't true,
beause all the $ost suessful businesses on the
net are properly apitalised...9
I tended not to bother responding to spa$
$essages that ran along the lines of 9%ey hek
o u t $ y b a n d , w e ' v e g o t n e w t r a k s u p a n d w e ' d
l i k e y o u t o l e t u s k n o w w h a t y o u t h i n k 9 ( a l t h o u g h
v e r y o a s i o n a l l y w h e n I d i d l i k t h r o u g h t o a
b a n d s i t e I w o u l d l e a v e a o $ $ e n t a l o n g t h e l i n e s
o f ) 9 = e a h I h e k e d o u t y o u r $ u s i $ a n , a n d i t
s u k s w o r s e t h a n a n i n f a n t t h a t $ i s s e d a f e e d b u t
s i n e t h e $ a r k e t d i s t o r t s e v e r y t h i n g , i f y o u a r r y
o n w i t h y o u r p r o $ o t i o n s t h e n t h e r e ' s a o n e i n a
h u n d r e d b i l l i o n h a n e y o u ' l l b e t h e n e ! t + 2 0 a n d
t h e y s u k e v e n w o r s e t h a n y o u 1 . 9
T o b u i l d $ y p r o f i l e a n d b l o g I h a d t o b e p r o a t i v e ,
o $ $ e n t i n g o n o t h e r p e o p l e ' s p a g e s a n d
r e s p o n d i n g t o o $ $ e n t s o n $ y o w n . I
s i $ u l t a n e o u s l y e ! t e n d e d $ y n e t w o r k b y
o n s e n t i n g t o b e ' f r i e n d s ' / o n e o f t h e t w o p r o f i l e s
i n v o l v e d h a s t o $ a k e a f r i e n d r e & u e s t / w i t h o t h e r
u s e r s . 8 n l y f r i e n d s a n l e a v e p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s
b u t y o u a n o p t a s I d i d t o a l l o w a n y o n e t o l e a v e
b l o g o $ $ e n t s . I f o u n d p r o f i l e s o n t h e w h o l e l e s s
i n t e r e s t i n g t h a n b l o g s , s i n e o f t e n t h e y w e r e l i t t l e
$ o r e t h a n a l i s t o f o n s u $ e r p r e f e r e n e s i n t e r $ s
o f $ u s i , $ o v i e s a n d b o o k s . I t t o o k $ e a b o u t 6
$ o n t h s b e f o r e I w a s a b l e t o $ a k e t h e " y # p a e
T o p 5 0 b l o g s o n a r e g u l a r b a s i s . T h i s r e & u i r e d
a r o u n d a t h o u s a n d h i t s a d a y . W h a t I e v e n t u a l l y
w o r k e d o u t w a s t h a t i t w a s e a s i e r t o g e t a r o u n d
100 people to look at the sa$e blog 10 ti$es in a
day than it was to get 1000 different people to
look at it. #o when so$eone o$$ented on the
blog I'd o$$ent bak, then they'd o$e bak to
see what I'd said( by suh $eans I was building a
following as $uh for the o$$ents as for the
atual blogs 0in effet the o$$ents setion of
$y blogs bea$e a hat roo$, people
o$$enting started talking to eah other as well
as to $e1. This was hard work, sine it $eant
ontinually interrupting other work I was doing to
log on to "y#pae, but it was effetive, for a
while I was ending up with ten or so pages of
o$$ents on eah blog, or about 250 o$$ents
fro$ other "y#pae users and 250 replies that I
left. 2aturally $y replies weren't always detailed(
I developed ath phrases suh as 'toot toot' to
deal &uikly with $uh of what was left by way of
response to $y blogs.
#o$e of $y standard replies to o$$ents were a
little $ore involved than a ath phrase suh as
9beep beep9, sine the ut and paste funtion on
o$puters $eans that I never need to be short of
sores of reusable lines. *eing "ister Trippy $y
off the peg responses inluded) 9Wow I'$ really
stoned... really tripping... out of... I've gone
a n d . . . I s h o u l d n ' t h a v e g o t t e n t h i s h i g h . . . I d i d n ' t
t a k e e n o u g h a i d t o g e t t h i s h i g h . . . e v e n $ y
p l a y t h i n g s w a l k e d t o # a t u r n . . . b e n d p e n i l
e r a s e r s . . . d e l i i o u s . . . a p p l e s e ! p l o d e i n t o
b u t t e r f l i e s . . . I g o t t a g e t o u t t a h e r e . . . o n e t w o
t h r e e f o u r . . . I a n h a r d l y s e e . . . t o $ b s
i n t e r l o k i n g . . . t o o $ u h a i d . . . t o o $ a n y o l o u r s
b l o w n u p i n $ y f a e 9 * u t I w o u l d s t r e s s I w a s
i n t e r e s t e d i n b u i l d i n g a o $ $ u n t y a n d w h a t i s
i $ p o r t a n t i s t h e f l o w o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s o n a n d o f f
l i n e ( s o $ e e t i n g p e o p l e f a e t o f a e w a s a l s o
i $ p o r t a n t . # o $ e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n $ y
b l o g I ' d k n o w n f o r y e a r s , o t h e r s I $ e t i n t h e f l e s h
a s a r e s u l t o f $ y a t i v i t i e s o n " y # p a e , s o $ e I
d i d n ' t e v e r $ e e t b u t t h e y $ a n a g e d t o h o o k u p f o r
d r i n k s o r w h a t e v e r w i t h o t h e r p e o p l e o $ i n g o n
t h e b l o g .
* u i l d i n g $ y b l o g t o o k s l i g h t l y l o n g e r t h a n t h i n k i n g
u p a n d a p p r o p r i a t i n g o $ $ e n t s . I u s e d a $ i ! t u r e
o f $ a t e r i a l I ' d a l r e a d y p r o d u e d s u h a s u l t u r a l
e s s a y s a n d i n t e r v i e w s f r o $ $ y o w n w e b s i t e
0 w h i h b y t h i s $ e a n s f o u n d f r e s h r e a d e r s 1 , a n d
t e ! t s r e a t e d e s p e i a l l y f o r t h e b l o g s u h a s
r e v i e w s o f t r a s h f i l $ s . " y $ o v i e f o u s w a s o n
e ! p l o i t a t i o n a n d s l e a ? e f r o $ a r o u n d t h e w o r l d
w i t h s o $ e s o i o l o g y o f u l t u r e t h r o w n i n . I a l s o
parodied the very popular list blogs for$at,
throwing so$e politial and theoretial ontent in
with the o$edy. 8ne of $y reworkings of a
for$ula blog list was the following( and I liked it
so $uh I posted it twie, one in #pring 200@
and again a year later on 1@ Aebruary 200B)
"10 Down & Dirty Sexually Perverted Things
About Me
91. ,lthough I a$ the illegiti$ate son of +#
president Cohn A. Dennedy, I think his old war
poliies suked and he was a war/$ongering 'erk.
8n $y paternity, please note this is not the kind
of 'oke o$$ent you often get in these 9lists9, $y
$other was part of the Deeler set of *ritish
wo$en with who$ Dennedy en'oyed se!ual
ongress and the 4re? visited 3ondon 5 $onths
before I was born / that said CAD wouldn't fae up
to his responsibilities so the spae for $y father's
na$e on $y birth ertifiate is blank 0but this
doesn't $ean that $y passion for o$$unis$ is
so$e kind of 8edipal rebellion1.
92. I have never felt the $aternal need to have
hildren beause I a$ a 9bloke9. I do have an
illegiti$ate daughter alled *ritney #pears,
o$pare how the two of us look and you'll lok
t h e l i k e n e s s .
9 E . I l o v e p s y h e d e l i d r u g s a n d $ u s i t h a t i s r e d
w i t h p u r p l e f l a s h e s ( a l o t o f p e o p l e t h i n k t h i s
$ a k e s $ e a h i p p i e , b u t I ' $ a t u a l l y a n , f r o / F e l t .
G e t t i n g o f f $ y f a e o n p s y h e d e l i d r u g s ' u s t
h a p p e n s t o b e a r e a l l y o o l w a y o f o n n e t i n g
w i t h $ y s e l f . 3 i k e w i s e , I a n ' t h e l p o n s i d e r i n g
b a n d s l i k e T h e F r e a t i o n , T h e * i r d s a n d T h e A l i e s
0 1 5 6 0 s 3 o n d o n f r e a k b e a t $ u s i , n o t t o b e
o n f u s e d w i t h F a l i f o r n i a n g r o u p s l i k e T h e * y r d s 1 ,
a t o t a l g r o o v e .
9 - . I f a n t a s i ? e a b o u t h a v i n g s e ! w i t h $ y s e l f / I
b e t y o u a l l d o < 6 o n ' t 3 i e .
9 5 . # t y r o f o a $ g i v e s $ e g o o s e b u $ p s a l l o v e r .
9 6 . I ' $ a d d i t e d t o C h e e z - t s ! I l o v e t h e $ . I e a t
t h e $ a l l d a y . I t a k e t h e $ t o w o r k w i t h $ e . I k e e p
a l i t t l e ? i p l o k b a g o f t h e $ n e ! t t o $ y b e d i n
a s e I w a k e u p i n t h e $ i d d l e o f t h e n i g h t a n d
n e e d s o $ e C h e e z - t s ! I p l a n w h a t d a y I ' l l d o $ y
f o o d s h o p p i n g b a s e d o n h o w $ u h C h e e z - t s I
h a v e l e f t . I a n s h a k e a b o ! a n d g u e s s h o w $ u h
l o n g e r t h a t p a r t i u l a r b o ! w i l l l a s t $ e b a s e d o n
h o w $ a n y C h e e z - t s a r e l e f t i n i t .
9 @ . I l i k e t o $ a k e a n i $ a l n o i s e s ( I a w a t r o w s ,
$ e o w a t a t s , b a r k l i k e a d o g a n d $ o o a t o w s .
%owever, $ost of all I like to s&ueak like a bat
beause I think it will entie $y friend Delly to
ontat $e.
9B. I don't wear $ake/up very often. %owever,
when I do, I go for eye liner, eye shadow,
powders and lip gloss. I en'oy looking nie.
95. I never lie and would instead find interesting
ways to 9bend9 the truth if this bea$e
neessary( but sine the notion of 9truth9 is
soially onstruted and isn't 9out there9, it an't
be 9found9 and therefore I don't need to ad'ust it.
910. I hate lists and refuse to o$pile the$.9
I also wrote fitional piees about $yself and
so$e of the regulars who ontributed o$$ents
to $y blog. In doing this I often adopted
post$odern literary tehni&ues, by for e!a$ple
taking newspaper stories and adapting na$es and
other details to $ake the$ about $e and $y
readers. Aor e!a$ple) 9, kinky se! esapade
ended this week with the eletroution death of a
*elfast $an and the arrest of his boyfriend for
$anslaughter. ,ording to ops, #tewart %o$e,
-5, first lai$ed that his boyfriend "ihael D was
shoked by his hair dryer. *ut he then ad$itted
that the ouple was 'into weird se!ual
b e h a v i o u r s , ' a o r d i n g t o a p r o b a b l e a u s e
a f f i d a v i t . % o $ e t h e n e ! p l a i n e d t h a t h e h o o k s l i p s
t o h i s b o y f r i e n d ' s n i p p l e s a n d ' p l u g s t h e o r d i n t o
a n e l e t r i s t r i p ' a n d s h o k s h i $ . 8 n T u e s d a y
e v e n i n g , % o $ e s a i d , " i h a e l w h o w a s v i s i t i n g h i $
i n * l o o $ s b u r y 0 3 o n d o n 1 r e $ o v e d h i s l o t h e s ,
a t t a h e d t h e l i p s , a n d s h o k e d h i $ s e l f . % o $ e
t h e n p i k e d u p t h e e l e t r i s t r i p a n d s h o k e d D
s e v e r a l $ o r e t i $ e s , a d d i n g t h a t h e h a d p l a e d a
p i e e o f e l e t r i t a p e o v e r D ' s $ o u t h d u r i n g t h e
' o l t s . , f t e r t h e l a s t s h o k , " i h a e l , - 0 , ' f e l l o v e r
o n t o h i s f a e . ' % o $ e i n i t i a l l y t h o u g h t h i s
b o y f r i e n d w a s ' o k i n g , b u t & u i k l y r e a l i ? e d h e w a s
u n o n s i o u s . % e t h e n d r e s s e d h i $ i n p r e p a r a t i o n
f o r g e t t i n g t o t h e h o s p i t a l , b u t i n s t e a d a l l e d 5 5 5
w h e n h e s t o p p e d b r e a t h i n g . % o $ e t o l d
i n v e s t i g a t o r s t h a t t h e o u p l e h a d ' b e e n e n g a g i n g
i n e l e t r i s h o k s e ! a n d o t h e r t y p e s o f e ! t r e $ e
b o n d a g e f o r a b o u t 2 y e a r s . ' % e w a s h a r g e d
y e s t e r d a y w i t h i n v o l u n t a r y $ a n s l a u g h t e r a n d
r e k l e s s e n d a n g e r $ e n t a n d w a s ' a i l e d i n t h e W e s t
. n d F e n t r a l p o l i e s t a t i o n 0 w h e r e h e r e $ a i n s i n
u s t o d y o n 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 b a i l 1 . 9
" y b l o g s o u l d a n d d i d g e t $ o r e s e r i o u s t h a n t h e
a b o v e e ! a $ p l e $ i g h t i n d i a t e . , n d s o $ e o f $ y
$ o r e o b v i o u s l y p o l i t i a l b l o g s d r e w o u t i n t e r e s t i n g
s t o r i e s i n t h e o $ $ e n t s . I r e p r o d u e b e l o w a b l o g
o f " # $ e b r u a r y " 0 0 % b e a u s e i t l e d t o r e a d e r s
r e o u n t i n g t h e i r o w n e ! p e r i e n e s o f p o l i e
h a r a s s $ e n t , o n e o f w h i h I f o u n d p a r t i u l a r l y
p e r t i n e n t a n d w i l l a l s o & u o t e i n f u l l . I t h i n k i t
u n l i k e l y t h a t e i t h e r o f t h e f o l l o w i n g t w o i n i d e n t s
w o u l d h a v e e n t e r e d t h e p u b l i d o $ a i n 0 a l b e i t i n a
l o w k e y $ a n n e r 1 h a d i t n o t b e e n f o r t h e b l o g g i n g
p h e n o $ e n o n )
" & e v e r ' i n d t h e t e r r o r i s t s ( ) r i t * o + s d e * i d e t o
h a s s l e + e o + l e o n t h e i r w a y t o t h e + u b i n s t e a d ! ! !
8 n W e d n e s d a y I g o t s t o p p e d u n d e r # e t i o n , - o f
T h e T e r r o r i s $ , t 2 0 0 0 . W h a t h a d I d o n e t o
a r o u s e s u s p i i o n : I ' d w a l k e d o u t o f 3 a d b r o k e
G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n < < < < 2 a u g h t y n a u g h t y
n a u g h t y < < < < # o t h e o l d b i l l w i t h w a r r a n t n o . 2 2 - 5 6
/ w h o w a s n ' t a l l o w e d t o g i v e $ e h i s n a $ e
b e a u s e h e w a s o n d u t i n g a ' o u n t e r t e r r o r i s $ '
s e a r h 0 9 ' , l l o , ' a l l o , ' a l l o w o t ' s g o i n ' o n ' e r e t h e n :
W h y h a v e y o u g o t t w o a r $ s a n d t w o l e g s : 9 1 /
d e $ a n d e d t o s e e $ y I 6 . T h i s w a s a n o d d t h i n g t o
a s k f o r b e a u s e t h e r e i s n o i d e n t i t y a r d s y s t e $
i n o p e r a t i o n i n t h e + D . I t h e r e f o r e a s k e d i f I ' d
u n d e r s t o o d o r r e t l y a n d w a s r e & u i r e d t o s h o w I 6
a n d w a s t o l d t h i s w a s t h e a s e . W a r r a n t n o .
22-56 aepted a university staff ard with a
photograph of $e on it as I6( although I
suspeted it would have pleased hi$ to arrest $e
for not possessing a non/e!istent +D I6 ard.
When I was asked what I worked as, I said
novelist beause while true it was not &uite
idential with the work for whih I'd shown a staff
ard. Warrant no. 22-56 wrote down a desription
of $e and this inluded the detail I was wearing
blak boots, although I was atually wearing blak
shoes, whih $ade $e further wonder what the
real point of all the 'ounter terrorist' ativity that
goes on in 3ondon is when $undane details like
this aren't orretly reorded by the old bill. 2o.
22-56 also noted $y #6. Fode, this is self
defined ethniity 0aording to the "ets 9what
ethni group you say your origins are fro$91,
although sine this was done without $e atually
being onsulted I so$ehow doubt that it went
down as 9,fro/Felti9( the detail was entered with
the ode W1. This funtions as another e!a$ple
of how in reality I was 'ust being hassled and the
ativity had nothing whatsoever to do with so
alled 'ounter terroris$'.
92e!t 2o. 22-56 got onto a &uestion whih
re$inded $e of how I was endlessly harassed by
t h e o l d b i l l a s a t e e n a g e r ) 9 % a v e y o u e v e r b e e n i n
t r o u b l e w i t h t h e p o l i e b e f o r e : 9 I & u e r i e d t h i s
f o r $ u l a t i o n b y a s k i n g ) 9 W h a t d o y o u $ e a n
b e f o r e : I ' $ n o t i n t r o u b l e n o w . 9 I w a s e v i d e n t l y
o r r e t s i n e I w a s n ' t a r r e s t e d a n d a l l t h e
s t a n d a r d r i $ i n a l h a r g e s e t i o n s o n t h e f o r $ 2 o .
2 2 - 5 6 f i l l e d i n w e r e i r l e d o n t h e ' n ' r a t h e r t h a n
t h e ' y ' s e t i o n / d a $ a g e a u s e d n o n e , i n ' u r y
a u s e d n o n e , p r o p e r t y r e o v e r e d 7 s e i ? e d n o n e ,
o f f e n s i v e w e a p o n n o n e , g i v e d e t a i l s n o n e . . . I t w a s
a l $ o s t % e g e l i a n i n t h e w a y w e w e r e o n s t a n t l y
g e t t i n g l o s e r t o n o t h i n g <
9 8 n b e i n g a s k e d w h y I w a s i n t h e a r e a I s a i d I
h a d l o n g s t a n d i n g o n n e t i o n s w i t h i t a n d t h a t $ y
$ o t h e r h a d l i v e d i n n e a r b y * a s s e t t ; o a d w h e n I
w a s b o r n a n d h a d d i e d i n F a $ b r i d g e G a r d e n s
0 b o t h o f w h i h r u n o f f 3 a d b r o k e G r o v e w h e r e I
w a s s t o p p e d 1 . I a l s o p o i n t e d o u t t h a t $ y $ o t h e r
b e i n g f o u n d n a k e d a n d d e a d o n h e r b e d w i t h t h e
d o o r t o h e r b e d s i t o p e n a n d t h e l i g h t s o n h a d n ' t
b e e n o n s i d e r e d s u s p i i o u s b y t h e l o a l p o l i e , s o
I d i d n ' t r e a l l y s e e w h y $ e w a l k i n g o u t o f
3 a d b r o k e G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n a p p e a r e d s u s p i i o u s
t o t h e $ . I w a s t h e n a s k e d w h e r e I w a s g o i n g a n d
s a i d 9 T h e W a r w i k 9 a n d w a s t o l d I o u l d g o (
a l t h o u g h a t u a l l y w h a t w a s t h e W a r w i k F a s t l e
and everyone still alls The Warwik has had the
na$e shortened to The Fastle and turned into
so$e sort of gastro night$are in an as yet
unsuessful atte$pt to lear out the deadbeats
who ongregate there. While the hange of deor
and shortening of the na$e hasn't got rid of us
yet, I'$ sure the prie inreases will... or polie
harass$ent. Fo$e to think of it ne!t ti$e I
arrange to $eet anyone in a pub I think I'll go to
a Weatherspoons on the other side of town....
,fter all at 22@ Westbourne 4ark ;oad opposite
The Warwik is an e&ually notorious tourist
attration, the site of the 9*lue 6oor9 in the fil$
"&otting ,ill" that led to the for$er residene of
the diretor ;ihard Furtis. In one of the fil$'s
endless low $o$ents %ugh Grant's Welsh
flat$ate appears there in his underpants. The
atual door was shipped to 6evon in 2000 after
being sold at Fhristie's for 5000. 3ikewise, the old
bill stopping $e on $y way to The Warwik under
the guise of 'preventing terroris$' is learly
o$plete and utter bolloks 'ust like the ;ihard
Furtis $ovie 9&otting ,ill"!9
This drew fro$ "ark / a bloke in his $id/forties
fro$ south 3ondon who generally responded to
$y blogs with witty one/liners the following story)
9 = e p . F o $ p l e t e a n d u t t e r b o l l o k s . % a p p e n e d t o
$ e a b o u t - y e a r s a g o , a n d I d i d a t u a l l y g e t
a r r e s t e d u n d e r t h e t e r r o r i s $ a t . W h a t h a p p e n e d
w a s t h a t I w a s p i s s e d , a n d I ' d g o t o n t h e w r o n g
t r a i n h o $ e t h a t w e n t $ i l e s i n t h e o p p o s i t e
d i r e t i o n 0 w h i h h a s a t u a l l y h a p p e n e d t o $ e a
f e w t i $ e s e $ b a r r a s s i n g l y , $ o s t r e e n t l y a b o u t a
y e a r a g o . . . . 1 I w o u l d ' v e g o t a a b b a k f r o $
F r o y d o n , b u t n o n e o f t h e s t r o p p y d r i v e r s w o u l d
t a k e s o $ e o n e a b i t w o b b l y o n t h e i r f e e t , a n d s o
o b v i o u s l y p i s s e d , s o t h e r e y a g o . # o a t r a i n i t
w a s , t h e r e w e r e s t i l l s o $ e r u n n i n g , t h o u g h t I
o u l d g e t o n e t o F r y s t a l 4 a l a e o r s o $ e t h i n g . G o t
o n a t r a i n , a n d a s s o o n a s t h e d o o r s s h u t , I
r e a l i s e d i t w a s f a s t t o G a t w i k . A u k . W e l l ,
G a t w i k s t a t i o n s e e $ e d l i k e a $ a ? e t r y i n g t o f i n d
y o u r w a y a r o u n d w h e n p i s s e d , I t e l l y o u . , n y w a y ,
a f t e r $ u h w a n d e r i n g a r o u n d p l a t f o r $ s s e e i n g
h o w t h e f u k I a n g e t b a k , I e v e n t u a l l y g e t
o l l a r e d b y a s o l i t a r y o p p e r i n u n i f o r $ w h o t e l l s
$ e I ' $ b e i n g p l a e d u n d e r a r r e s t u n d e r t h e
t e r r o r i s $ a t .
9 6 o n ' t r e $ e $ b e r a n y t h i n g a f t e r t h a t , I r e a l l y
d o n ' t . I $ u s t ' v e b l a k e d o u t , f a i n t e d o r
s o $ e t h i n g , I d o n ' t k n o w . 0 I w a s v e r y p i s s e d 1 3 a s t
t h i n g I r e $ e $ b e r i s b e i n g s e i ? e d b y t h e a r $ a n d
being esorted away. ,nyway, ne!t thing I know
it's dayti$e and I wake up fully lothed 0but
$inus 'aket and shoes1 in so$e private hospital
way out in the stiks in bloody Fhihester 0WTA:
That's -0 $iles away fro$ Frawley polie station,
where I was first taken to<1, like when The
Prisoner wakes up in The >illage for the first ti$e
or so$ething< ;eally fuking weird e!periene,
partiularly as the plae see$ed e$pty at first. I
find an unattended reeption desk, start shouting
9%ello:9 to no response for what see$ed like
bloody ages until eventually so$eone in harge
turns up. I'$ then told that I had 'tried to sale a
fene at Gatwik airport itself'< 0whih I was
absolutely nowhere near, inidentally.1 Auking
ludirous allegation, not only was I not anywhere
near any fenes, I was I2#I6. a bloody train
station, but seeing as I'$ arthriti in both knees
0and 'ust about $anage to walk unaided1, I
wouldn't even ,TT."4T to li$b any sodding
fene, anyway< In any ase, I was asking people
at the train station how I ould get %8"., so
W%= the fuk would I have tried to do T%,T:
9,nyway, after $uh pleading fro$ $e for the
ops to try and prove this o$plete and utter
bullshit, there wasn't any FFT> footage of this
a l l e g e d a t f o r t h o $ i n g , w h i h w a s n ' t a s u r p r i s e ,
s e e i n g a s i t n e v e r s o d d i n g h a p p e n e d i n t h e
s o d d i n g f i r s t p l a e < # o $ e f u k i n g b u l l s h i t w a n k e r
s t i t h / u p o p p e r t a k i n g a d v a n t a g e o f $ y s t a t e
a n d t r y i n g t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k g o o d t o h i s
b o s s e s o r s o $ e t h i n g , I a n o n l y g u e s s . 0 : 1 I n e v e r
d i d g e t $ y s h o e s b a k f r o $ t h e s w i n e e i t h e r , o r
t h e ' a k e t I w a s w e a r i n g . # u p p o s e t h e y t o o k
t h e $ a p a r t l o o k i n g f o r b o $ b s o r s o $ e t h i n g .
, n y w a y , I w a s n ' t h a r g e d w i t h a n y t h i n g o f a n y
k i n d , o r e v e n a u t i o n e d i n t h e e n d , a n d i t a l l g o t
& u i e t l y s w e p t u n d e r t h e a r p e t , e v e n t u a l l y . * u t
o n l y a f t e r t h e $ a s s i v e f u k i n g h e a d f u k
e ! p e r i e n e o f b e i n g i n u s t o d y t r y i n g t o p r o v e
$ y s e l f i n n o e n t t o p e o p l e w h o d i d n ' t w a n t t o
f u k i n g l i s t e n , t h o u g h . = e a h , s u p p o s e i t o u l d ' v e
b e e n $ u h w o r s e a n d i t o u l d ' v e b e e n a o p p e r
w i t h a g u n w h o w a n t e d t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k t h e
b i g ' h e r o ' t h e r e . . . , l l p r o b a b l y s o u n d s i n r e d i b l e ,
b u t a t r u e s t o r y , I k i d y o u n o t . T h e s h i t t i e s t t h i n g
t h a t ' s e v e r h a p p e n e d t o $ e . 9
W h i l e I i n ' e t e d p l e n t y o f h u $ o u r i n t o $ y b l o g s ,
w h a t I w a s d o i n g h a d a p o l i t i a l t h r u s t . I n r e d i b l y
$ y b l o g g i n g e f f o r t s w e r e n o t ' u s t r e o g n i s e d b u t
a l s o r e w a r d e d b y " y # p a e , s i n e w h e n t h e
p l a t f o r $ i n t r o d u e d a + D ' * l o g o f t h e W e e k '
feature in Aebruary 200B they $ade $ine the first
profile they endorsed through it. I knew fro$
other soures that "y#pae had been traking $y
ativities for so$e ti$e, sine the hits I was
getting had attrated the attention of their data
analysts. I got the i$pression they hadn't looked
at the atual ontent of the blogs too losely. In
so$e ways I found this odd beause the key to
reating a good blog is ontent. It was where a lot
of people fell down in their online ativities.
*loggers often appeared unable to $ove beyond
trivia to broader onerns, and $any postings
were badly written to boot( a little bit of rewriting
ould have $assively i$proved $any of the$.
Initially I'd wanted to pipe people off "y#pae
and onto $y own website
0Hwww.stewartho$esoiety.orgI1, but it &uikly
bea$e apparent this wasn't going to happen in
any big way. I wasn't doing badly on "y#pae but
the ontraditions of working in a web
environ$ent ontrolled by $edia $ogul ;upert
"urdoh eventually bea$e too $uh for $e.
Inreasingly I found o$$ents and other $aterial
deleted fro$ $y pages presu$ably beause it
was dee$ed offensive, and so$e of $y friends
had whole aounts deleted. Then early on @
" a r h 2 0 0 B I g o t a $ e s s a g e f r o $ " y # p a e ) 9 8 n
" a r h 1 0 t h , 2 0 0 B - + e r a t i o n M y S + a * e w i l l b r i n g
t h e t r o o p s i n D u w a i t a n d a l l o f " y # p a e a 3 I > .
s h o w i n D u l a b y t e % 6 t h a t t h e y ' l l n e v e r f o r g e t .
6 i s t u r b e d , 4 u s s y a t 6 o l l s , C e s s i a # i $ p s o n , A i l t e r ,
F a r l o s " e n i a , " e t a l # a n a ? , 6 C J / T r i p , 2 6 " 8 ; .
w i l l a l l b e a p a r t o f t h i s s p e t a u l a r e v e n t t h a t w i l l
b e s t r e a $ e d 3 I > . o n l y o n " y # p a e I t ' s 2 0 0 B
a n d t h e w o r l d h a s h a n g e d b u t o u r t r o o p s s t i l l
n e e d o u r s u p p o r t . 4 l e a s e d r o p b y a n d l e a v e a
s p e i a l $ e s s a g e f o r t h e t r o o p s 9 I t w a s o b v i o u s
" y # p a e w e r e n ' t i n t h e b u s i n e s s o f h e l p i n g $ e
d e l i v e r $ y p e r s o n a l $ e s s a g e t o t h e t r o o p s , w h i h
$ i g h t b e s u $ $ a r i s e d a s ) 9 A u k t h e a r $ y < T h e
o n l y g o o d s o l d i e r s a r e t h o s e w h o d e s e r t t a k i n g
t h e i r a r $ s w i t h t h e $ 9
# i n e I ' $ a g a i n s t i $ p e r i a l i s $ a n d o p p o s e r a i s t
s a d i s t s i n u n i f o r $ , I & u i k l y r e a h e d t h e
o n l u s i o n I w a n t e d t o d e l e t e $ y " y # p a e
a o u n t s . . . b u t b e f o r e d o i n g s o o n 1 0 " a r h 2 0 0 B
I t r i e d t o d i s u s s i t v i a a b l o g I p o s t e d o n @
" a r h . T h e f o l l o w i n g o $ $ e n t f r o $ F h r i s t o p h e r
2 o s n i b o r i s p r e t t y t y p i a l o f t h e r e a t i o n t o $ y
s u g g e s t i o n e v e r y o n e w h o o p p o s e d w a r s h o u l d g e t
o f f " y # p a e ) 9 A u k i n g h e l l , I ' $ i n l i n e d t o w a r d
b o y o t t i n g a n y s i t e t h a t h a s a n y t h i n g t o d o w i t h
the 4ussyat 6olls, never $ind the politial
agenda<... I boyott an awful lot / o$panies who
test on ani$als, use sweat shops, fund the *ush
ad$inistration, et., and tend to at upon $y
beliefs that the onsu$er should vote with their
wallet. *ut having one's voie heard is also
i$portant, whih is why I also try to $ake lear
preisely why I avoid ertain brands and so on.
"y#pae is a very good platfor$ for getting $y
views read. *+T / and here's the proble$ /
e!pressing dissent on "y#pae see$s to be
beo$ing inreasingly diffiult and the platfor$
appears to be beo$ing $ore adept at silening
the dissenters, one way or another...' 8ther
o$$ents pointed out the o$$erial benefits to
"y#pae of allying the$selves with soldiers)
9When push o$es to shove, a $ass/$arket
pheno$enon like "y#pae is going to go for
,pple 4ie and "otherhood every ti$e.9
I didn't and don't feel I need "yspae to get $y
voie heard. I went into "y#pae as a virtual
environ$ent with the intention of understanding
it and proving that I understood it by operating
suessfully within it. I did that, then I got off the
platfor$. When I'd finished with "y#pae I felt
like I wanted a break fro$ blogging. When I
s t a r t e d t o b l o g a g a i n I d i d s o w i t h W o r d 4 r e s s
s o f t w a r e t h a t I s t u k o n t o t h e b a k e n d o f $ y
o w n w e b s i t e . 2 o w I o n t r o l t h e h o r i ? o n t a l a n d I
o n t r o l t h e v e r t i a l , a n d I d o n ' t h a v e t o w o r r y
a b o u t ; u p e r t " u r d o h a n d h i s $ i n i o n s d e l e t i n g
$ a t e r i a l I ' v e p o s t e d b e a u s e t h e y d i s a g r e e w i t h
i t . A o r $ e t h i s i s t h e w a y f o r w a r d t o W e b 2 . 1 ,
r u n n i n g s o f t w a r e o n o u r o w n s i t e s t h a t a l l o w s
o t h e r s t o i n t e r a t w i t h u s o n l i n e .
1 2
11
20
1 5
Click This?
MySpace + the
Pornography
of Corporately
Controlled
Virtual Life
T h e r e ' s b e e n a l o t o f t a l k a b o u t W e b 2 . 0 o v e r t h e
p a s t f e w y e a r s , a n d I ' v e f o u n d b e i n g a t i v e o n
s o i a l n e t w o r k i n g s i t e s h a s p r o v i d e d t h e b e s t
p l a e n o t o n l y t o r e s e a r h i t b u t t o a n e ! t e n t a l s o
t o d i s u s s i t . " y e ! p l o r a t i o n s s t a r t e d o n " y # p a e
i n t h e s p r i n g o f 2 0 0 6 a n d i n i t i a l l y I s e t u p a n
a o u n t a s " i s t e r T r i p p y . " y g i $ $ i k w a s t o
b e h a v e a s i f I w a s s o $ e o n e e l s e p r e t e n d i n g t o b e
$ e , s o I d e l i b e r a t e l y f u d g e d f a t s a n d g o t $ i n o r
t h i n g s w r o n g a b o u t $ y l i f e a n d w o r k . T h i s l e d t o a
e r t a i n a $ o u n t o f s p e u l a t i o n a s t o w h o w a s
r u n n i n g w h a t w a s t a k e n t o b e a ' f a k e ' # t e w a r t
% o $ e s i t e . I n e ! t s e t u p a n a o u n t f o r $ y
g i r l f r i e n d T e s s i e , o n e o f $ y v e n t r i l o & u i s t d o l l s . I
w a s f a $ i l i a r w i t h p h e n o $ e n a l i k e r a d i o
v e n t r i l o & u i s $ s o I f i g u r e d i n t e r n e t v e n t r i l o & u i s $
w o u l d w o r k ' u s t a s w e l l . I n o $ $ e n t s s h e p o s t e d ,
T e s s i e l a i $ e d t o b e p r e g n a n t a n d w o u l d b e o $ e
e n r a g e d w h e n I r e s p o n d e d b y p o i n t i n g o u t p l a s t i
d o l l s a n ' t h a v e b a b i e s ( i t w a s u r i o u s t h a t & u i t e a
f e w w o $ e n s u p p o r t e d T e s s i e b y p o s t i n g
$ e s s a g e s s a y i n g t h e i r b o y f r i e n d s w e r e ' u s t l i k e
$ e , s i n e t h e s e $ e n h a d i n s i s t e d t h e i r o t h e r h a l f
w a s n ' t k n o k e d u p w h e n t h e y r e a l l y w e r e i n t h e
l u b .
"y#pae divide their user profiles into different
setions) a $ain profile with self desription,
pitures, videos, $usi and o$$ents( a blog
whose $ost reent headlines if any are displayed
on the profile page( and finally a setion for
uploaded photographs. I e!ploited all these
features but deided to fous on blogging, despite
finding the "y#pae blog ulture e!tre$ely
o$petitive and bithy at its top end. There was a
ore group desperate to ride high in the "y#pae
blog harts. *eause the harts were o$piled on
the basis of daily hits, bloggers in the +#, were
getting up in the $iddle of the night to post
i$$ediately after eah 2- hour ounting swith
over, thereby ensuring they $a!i$ised the hits
they got on the first day eah new blog was up.
*eing based in .urope I ould roll out of bed at
$y usual ti$e and get a blog up at the beginning
of the "y#pae day. Titles of blogs were and are
i$portant, $ost people wanted to read about se!
and blogs that ategorised the$selves as being
about 'ro$ane and relationships' tended to get
the $ost hits. The overwhel$ing $a'ority of the
blogs weren't in the least bit interesting( reading
about busts/ups between top bloggers who'd also
beo$e lovers 'ust wasn't $y bag. That said
$iro/worlds tend to develop around suessful
b l o g s a n d I h a d o n e o f $ y o w n t h a t $ a y w e l l
h a v e a p p e a r e d b o r i n g a n d i $ p e n e t r a b l e t o a s u a l
v i s i t o r s .
" y " i s t e r T r i p p y b l o g w a s a l i t t l e u n u s u a l i n t h a t
b o t h I a n d t h e o r e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n i t
h a v e a p e n h a n t f o r r e a t i n g $ u l t i p l e f a k e p r o f i l e s
0 a n d i d e n t i a l l o n e s o f e a h o t h e r ' s p r o f i l e s 1 , s o
t h e r e w a s a l w a y s a n a i r o f u n e r t a i n t y o v e r
e ! a t l y w h o w a s l e a v i n g o $ $ e n t s . T h e s e
i d e n t i t y g a $ e s p l a y e d i n v i r t u a l s p a e f o u n d t h e i r
p r e / w e b r y s t a l l i s a t i o n i n 2 e o i s $ , w e r e b r o u g h t
o n t o t h e n e t v i a T h e 3 u t h e r * l i s s e t t 4 r o ' e t i n t h e
1 5 5 0 s , a n d a n b e t r a e d b a k t h r o u g h
$ i d / t w e n t i e t h e n t u r y u l t u r a l / p o l i t i o
$ o v e $ e n t s s u h a s 3 e t t r i s $ t o 6 a d a . 2 e w
r e a d e r s w h o r e s p o n d e d t o $ y b l o g s a n d 7 o r p r o f i l e
t e n d e d t o d e s r i b e t h e $ a n d t h e s e p r a t i e s a s
b o t h i n t r i g u i n g a n d d i s o r i e n t a t i n g .
W h e n I ' o i n e d " y # p a e i t w a s s t i l l p l a g u e d b y
p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s p a $ a d v e r t i s i n g a d u l t d a t i n g
s i t e s a n d w e b a $ s e r v i e s . T a k i n g o u t f r e e
$ e $ b e r s h i p w i t h t h e s e s e ! o n t a t s i t e s o f t e n
a l l o w s a p r o f i l e t o b e r e a t e d b u t d o e s n t a l l o w
r e s p o n s e s t o t h e ' b o t g i r l s ' 0 f a k e f e $ a l e s w i n g e r s 1
w h o i $ $ e d i a t e l y o $ e o n t o $ a l e s w h o d o n ' t
have a pre$iu$ paid subsription( these sites
have virtually no fe$ale $e$bers, and they are
unlikely to do $uh for the thousands of
heterose!ual $ales who take out subsriptions to
the$. 8ver the past few years "y#pae has
raked down on suh spa$ $erhants beause
they ut into the operation's revenue base by
$aking users distrustful of all advertisers. That
said, I found it fun replying to spa$ o$$ents.
*ak on "y#pae I ouldn't resist responding to
the bot girls who left $e and $illions of others
$essages along the lines of 9%ow was your
weekend:9 8ne of $y standard replies to this
was) 9%ey $y weekend was great. I $anaged to
sneak one of the unidentified bodies out of the
hospital $orgue. I've na$ed this stiff "arie and I
took her for a date. Thus did $idnight find the
two of us / I and $y "arie / en'oying an inti$ate
andle/lit tete/a/tete at #hoop's, a loal
roadhouse on the far edge of town. ;o$ane was
in the air, and "arie, whose only fault as a dinner
o$panion was a tendeny to keep slipping
sideways out of the booth, had never looked
lovelier. I had about deided to order the fish
akes and had li$bed on top of the table, the
better to urge "arie to try the
s v e n g a l i / a n d / $ e a t b a l l s , o r ' 1 2 i n h e s o f
h a p p i n e s s ' a s i t i s s o $ e t i $ e s a l l e d , w h e n t h e
r o a d h o u s e o w n e r a $ e o v e r ) ' 4 h e w $ a n < ' h e
s a i d t o $ e , p o i n t i n g a t " a r i e . ' = o u g o t t a g e t t h a t
t h i n g o u t o f h e r e . I t ' s s t a r t i n g t o s t i n k t h e p l a e
u p a n d p e o p l e a r e o $ p l a i n i n g . , r e y o u n u t s o r
s o $ e t h i n g : ' W e l l " a r i e w a s n ' t f e e l i n g t h a t h u n g r y
a n d I f e l t s o $ e t h i n g o t h e r t h a n f o o d w a s o n t h e
$ e n u , s o w e l e f t a n d I d r o v e h e r t o a r e $ o t e
b e a u t y s p o t w h e r e w e $ a d e p a s s i o n a t e l o v e . I
e v e n g o t h e r b a k i n t h e h o s p i t a l o o l e r w i t h o u t
a n y b o d y n o t i i n g " a r i e h a d b e e n $ i s s i n g f o r h a l f
t h e n i g h t . # o I h a d a g r e a t w e e k e n d . I t r u s t y o u r s
w a s a g r o o v e . . . 9 # t r a n g e l y I ' v e n e v e r h a d a r e p l y
t o t h i s s t y l e o f o $ $ e n t b u t t h e n u s u a l l y t h e
p e o p l e I w a s l e a v i n g t h e $ f o r w a n t e d p u n t e r s t o
p a r t w i t h a s h f o r a d u l t d a t i n g a n d 7 o r w e b a $
a n d p o r n o g r a p h y s e r v i e s .
, n o t h e r f a v o u r i t e t r i k o f $ i n e w a s t o r e s p o n d t o
t h o s e o f f e r i n g h e l p w i t h i n t e r n e t b u s i n e s s s t a r t u p
s h e $ e s w i t h t h e f o l l o w i n g ) 9 % e y I w a s
u n e $ p l o y e d a n d h o $ e l e s s a f t e r l o s i n g $ y ' o b
a n d $ y r e l a t i o n s h i p b r o k e u p b e a u s e I h a d
e r e t i l e d y s f u n t i o n , b u t I k e p t h e k i n g $ y
e $ a i l s a t t h e l o a l l i b r a r y a n d I s r a p e d t o g e t h e r
t h e $ o n e y t o g e t s o $ e s h a r e s a f t e r I w a s s e n t
so$e anony$ous hot stok business advie, and I
started $aking a bit of $oney and got a flat to
rent, then I bought >iagra on the net and that
solved $y relationship proble$s and as I got into
doing $ore business on the web I found I was
$aking a lot of $oney and I bought a house in
3ondon and then a holiday ho$e in #pain and
so$e really nie ars. 2ow I've got $aids and a
suessful $arriage too 0although $ost nights
these days I stay our late snorting oaine and
having se! with high lass hookers / in fat I'$
getting a blow 'ob right now fro$ a pre/op
transse!ual and I'$ using $y 4al$ $ini o$puter
to write you this $essage1. #o I an really
reo$$end these business tehni&ues you're
offering people. *ut what your friends need even
$ore than these tehni&ues are the unseured
loans I an arrange for the$ beause they an't
start a suessful internet business without proper
finanial bak up. 4eople are onned into thinking
they an build up one of these operations without
the finanial wherewithal but that 'ust isn't true,
beause all the $ost suessful businesses on the
net are properly apitalised...9
I tended not to bother responding to spa$
$essages that ran along the lines of 9%ey hek
o u t $ y b a n d , w e ' v e g o t n e w t r a k s u p a n d w e ' d
l i k e y o u t o l e t u s k n o w w h a t y o u t h i n k 9 ( a l t h o u g h
v e r y o a s i o n a l l y w h e n I d i d l i k t h r o u g h t o a
b a n d s i t e I w o u l d l e a v e a o $ $ e n t a l o n g t h e l i n e s
o f ) 9 = e a h I h e k e d o u t y o u r $ u s i $ a n , a n d i t
s u k s w o r s e t h a n a n i n f a n t t h a t $ i s s e d a f e e d b u t
s i n e t h e $ a r k e t d i s t o r t s e v e r y t h i n g , i f y o u a r r y
o n w i t h y o u r p r o $ o t i o n s t h e n t h e r e ' s a o n e i n a
h u n d r e d b i l l i o n h a n e y o u ' l l b e t h e n e ! t + 2 0 a n d
t h e y s u k e v e n w o r s e t h a n y o u 1 . 9
T o b u i l d $ y p r o f i l e a n d b l o g I h a d t o b e p r o a t i v e ,
o $ $ e n t i n g o n o t h e r p e o p l e ' s p a g e s a n d
r e s p o n d i n g t o o $ $ e n t s o n $ y o w n . I
s i $ u l t a n e o u s l y e ! t e n d e d $ y n e t w o r k b y
o n s e n t i n g t o b e ' f r i e n d s ' / o n e o f t h e t w o p r o f i l e s
i n v o l v e d h a s t o $ a k e a f r i e n d r e & u e s t / w i t h o t h e r
u s e r s . 8 n l y f r i e n d s a n l e a v e p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s
b u t y o u a n o p t a s I d i d t o a l l o w a n y o n e t o l e a v e
b l o g o $ $ e n t s . I f o u n d p r o f i l e s o n t h e w h o l e l e s s
i n t e r e s t i n g t h a n b l o g s , s i n e o f t e n t h e y w e r e l i t t l e
$ o r e t h a n a l i s t o f o n s u $ e r p r e f e r e n e s i n t e r $ s
o f $ u s i , $ o v i e s a n d b o o k s . I t t o o k $ e a b o u t 6
$ o n t h s b e f o r e I w a s a b l e t o $ a k e t h e " y # p a e
T o p 5 0 b l o g s o n a r e g u l a r b a s i s . T h i s r e & u i r e d
a r o u n d a t h o u s a n d h i t s a d a y . W h a t I e v e n t u a l l y
w o r k e d o u t w a s t h a t i t w a s e a s i e r t o g e t a r o u n d
100 people to look at the sa$e blog 10 ti$es in a
day than it was to get 1000 different people to
look at it. #o when so$eone o$$ented on the
blog I'd o$$ent bak, then they'd o$e bak to
see what I'd said( by suh $eans I was building a
following as $uh for the o$$ents as for the
atual blogs 0in effet the o$$ents setion of
$y blogs bea$e a hat roo$, people
o$$enting started talking to eah other as well
as to $e1. This was hard work, sine it $eant
ontinually interrupting other work I was doing to
log on to "y#pae, but it was effetive, for a
while I was ending up with ten or so pages of
o$$ents on eah blog, or about 250 o$$ents
fro$ other "y#pae users and 250 replies that I
left. 2aturally $y replies weren't always detailed(
I developed ath phrases suh as 'toot toot' to
deal &uikly with $uh of what was left by way of
response to $y blogs.
#o$e of $y standard replies to o$$ents were a
little $ore involved than a ath phrase suh as
9beep beep9, sine the ut and paste funtion on
o$puters $eans that I never need to be short of
sores of reusable lines. *eing "ister Trippy $y
off the peg responses inluded) 9Wow I'$ really
stoned... really tripping... out of... I've gone
a n d . . . I s h o u l d n ' t h a v e g o t t e n t h i s h i g h . . . I d i d n ' t
t a k e e n o u g h a i d t o g e t t h i s h i g h . . . e v e n $ y
p l a y t h i n g s w a l k e d t o # a t u r n . . . b e n d p e n i l
e r a s e r s . . . d e l i i o u s . . . a p p l e s e ! p l o d e i n t o
b u t t e r f l i e s . . . I g o t t a g e t o u t t a h e r e . . . o n e t w o
t h r e e f o u r . . . I a n h a r d l y s e e . . . t o $ b s
i n t e r l o k i n g . . . t o o $ u h a i d . . . t o o $ a n y o l o u r s
b l o w n u p i n $ y f a e 9 * u t I w o u l d s t r e s s I w a s
i n t e r e s t e d i n b u i l d i n g a o $ $ u n t y a n d w h a t i s
i $ p o r t a n t i s t h e f l o w o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s o n a n d o f f
l i n e ( s o $ e e t i n g p e o p l e f a e t o f a e w a s a l s o
i $ p o r t a n t . # o $ e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n $ y
b l o g I ' d k n o w n f o r y e a r s , o t h e r s I $ e t i n t h e f l e s h
a s a r e s u l t o f $ y a t i v i t i e s o n " y # p a e , s o $ e I
d i d n ' t e v e r $ e e t b u t t h e y $ a n a g e d t o h o o k u p f o r
d r i n k s o r w h a t e v e r w i t h o t h e r p e o p l e o $ i n g o n
t h e b l o g .
* u i l d i n g $ y b l o g t o o k s l i g h t l y l o n g e r t h a n t h i n k i n g
u p a n d a p p r o p r i a t i n g o $ $ e n t s . I u s e d a $ i ! t u r e
o f $ a t e r i a l I ' d a l r e a d y p r o d u e d s u h a s u l t u r a l
e s s a y s a n d i n t e r v i e w s f r o $ $ y o w n w e b s i t e
0 w h i h b y t h i s $ e a n s f o u n d f r e s h r e a d e r s 1 , a n d
t e ! t s r e a t e d e s p e i a l l y f o r t h e b l o g s u h a s
r e v i e w s o f t r a s h f i l $ s . " y $ o v i e f o u s w a s o n
e ! p l o i t a t i o n a n d s l e a ? e f r o $ a r o u n d t h e w o r l d
w i t h s o $ e s o i o l o g y o f u l t u r e t h r o w n i n . I a l s o
parodied the very popular list blogs for$at,
throwing so$e politial and theoretial ontent in
with the o$edy. 8ne of $y reworkings of a
for$ula blog list was the following( and I liked it
so $uh I posted it twie, one in #pring 200@
and again a year later on 1@ Aebruary 200B)
"10 Down & Dirty Sexually Perverted Things
About Me
91. ,lthough I a$ the illegiti$ate son of +#
president Cohn A. Dennedy, I think his old war
poliies suked and he was a war/$ongering 'erk.
8n $y paternity, please note this is not the kind
of 'oke o$$ent you often get in these 9lists9, $y
$other was part of the Deeler set of *ritish
wo$en with who$ Dennedy en'oyed se!ual
ongress and the 4re? visited 3ondon 5 $onths
before I was born / that said CAD wouldn't fae up
to his responsibilities so the spae for $y father's
na$e on $y birth ertifiate is blank 0but this
doesn't $ean that $y passion for o$$unis$ is
so$e kind of 8edipal rebellion1.
92. I have never felt the $aternal need to have
hildren beause I a$ a 9bloke9. I do have an
illegiti$ate daughter alled *ritney #pears,
o$pare how the two of us look and you'll lok
t h e l i k e n e s s .
9 E . I l o v e p s y h e d e l i d r u g s a n d $ u s i t h a t i s r e d
w i t h p u r p l e f l a s h e s ( a l o t o f p e o p l e t h i n k t h i s
$ a k e s $ e a h i p p i e , b u t I ' $ a t u a l l y a n , f r o / F e l t .
G e t t i n g o f f $ y f a e o n p s y h e d e l i d r u g s ' u s t
h a p p e n s t o b e a r e a l l y o o l w a y o f o n n e t i n g
w i t h $ y s e l f . 3 i k e w i s e , I a n ' t h e l p o n s i d e r i n g
b a n d s l i k e T h e F r e a t i o n , T h e * i r d s a n d T h e A l i e s
0 1 5 6 0 s 3 o n d o n f r e a k b e a t $ u s i , n o t t o b e
o n f u s e d w i t h F a l i f o r n i a n g r o u p s l i k e T h e * y r d s 1 ,
a t o t a l g r o o v e .
9 - . I f a n t a s i ? e a b o u t h a v i n g s e ! w i t h $ y s e l f / I
b e t y o u a l l d o < 6 o n ' t 3 i e .
9 5 . # t y r o f o a $ g i v e s $ e g o o s e b u $ p s a l l o v e r .
9 6 . I ' $ a d d i t e d t o C h e e z - t s ! I l o v e t h e $ . I e a t
t h e $ a l l d a y . I t a k e t h e $ t o w o r k w i t h $ e . I k e e p
a l i t t l e ? i p l o k b a g o f t h e $ n e ! t t o $ y b e d i n
a s e I w a k e u p i n t h e $ i d d l e o f t h e n i g h t a n d
n e e d s o $ e C h e e z - t s ! I p l a n w h a t d a y I ' l l d o $ y
f o o d s h o p p i n g b a s e d o n h o w $ u h C h e e z - t s I
h a v e l e f t . I a n s h a k e a b o ! a n d g u e s s h o w $ u h
l o n g e r t h a t p a r t i u l a r b o ! w i l l l a s t $ e b a s e d o n
h o w $ a n y C h e e z - t s a r e l e f t i n i t .
9 @ . I l i k e t o $ a k e a n i $ a l n o i s e s ( I a w a t r o w s ,
$ e o w a t a t s , b a r k l i k e a d o g a n d $ o o a t o w s .
%owever, $ost of all I like to s&ueak like a bat
beause I think it will entie $y friend Delly to
ontat $e.
9B. I don't wear $ake/up very often. %owever,
when I do, I go for eye liner, eye shadow,
powders and lip gloss. I en'oy looking nie.
95. I never lie and would instead find interesting
ways to 9bend9 the truth if this bea$e
neessary( but sine the notion of 9truth9 is
soially onstruted and isn't 9out there9, it an't
be 9found9 and therefore I don't need to ad'ust it.
910. I hate lists and refuse to o$pile the$.9
I also wrote fitional piees about $yself and
so$e of the regulars who ontributed o$$ents
to $y blog. In doing this I often adopted
post$odern literary tehni&ues, by for e!a$ple
taking newspaper stories and adapting na$es and
other details to $ake the$ about $e and $y
readers. Aor e!a$ple) 9, kinky se! esapade
ended this week with the eletroution death of a
*elfast $an and the arrest of his boyfriend for
$anslaughter. ,ording to ops, #tewart %o$e,
-5, first lai$ed that his boyfriend "ihael D was
shoked by his hair dryer. *ut he then ad$itted
that the ouple was 'into weird se!ual
b e h a v i o u r s , ' a o r d i n g t o a p r o b a b l e a u s e
a f f i d a v i t . % o $ e t h e n e ! p l a i n e d t h a t h e h o o k s l i p s
t o h i s b o y f r i e n d ' s n i p p l e s a n d ' p l u g s t h e o r d i n t o
a n e l e t r i s t r i p ' a n d s h o k s h i $ . 8 n T u e s d a y
e v e n i n g , % o $ e s a i d , " i h a e l w h o w a s v i s i t i n g h i $
i n * l o o $ s b u r y 0 3 o n d o n 1 r e $ o v e d h i s l o t h e s ,
a t t a h e d t h e l i p s , a n d s h o k e d h i $ s e l f . % o $ e
t h e n p i k e d u p t h e e l e t r i s t r i p a n d s h o k e d D
s e v e r a l $ o r e t i $ e s , a d d i n g t h a t h e h a d p l a e d a
p i e e o f e l e t r i t a p e o v e r D ' s $ o u t h d u r i n g t h e
' o l t s . , f t e r t h e l a s t s h o k , " i h a e l , - 0 , ' f e l l o v e r
o n t o h i s f a e . ' % o $ e i n i t i a l l y t h o u g h t h i s
b o y f r i e n d w a s ' o k i n g , b u t & u i k l y r e a l i ? e d h e w a s
u n o n s i o u s . % e t h e n d r e s s e d h i $ i n p r e p a r a t i o n
f o r g e t t i n g t o t h e h o s p i t a l , b u t i n s t e a d a l l e d 5 5 5
w h e n h e s t o p p e d b r e a t h i n g . % o $ e t o l d
i n v e s t i g a t o r s t h a t t h e o u p l e h a d ' b e e n e n g a g i n g
i n e l e t r i s h o k s e ! a n d o t h e r t y p e s o f e ! t r e $ e
b o n d a g e f o r a b o u t 2 y e a r s . ' % e w a s h a r g e d
y e s t e r d a y w i t h i n v o l u n t a r y $ a n s l a u g h t e r a n d
r e k l e s s e n d a n g e r $ e n t a n d w a s ' a i l e d i n t h e W e s t
. n d F e n t r a l p o l i e s t a t i o n 0 w h e r e h e r e $ a i n s i n
u s t o d y o n 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 b a i l 1 . 9
" y b l o g s o u l d a n d d i d g e t $ o r e s e r i o u s t h a n t h e
a b o v e e ! a $ p l e $ i g h t i n d i a t e . , n d s o $ e o f $ y
$ o r e o b v i o u s l y p o l i t i a l b l o g s d r e w o u t i n t e r e s t i n g
s t o r i e s i n t h e o $ $ e n t s . I r e p r o d u e b e l o w a b l o g
o f " # $ e b r u a r y " 0 0 % b e a u s e i t l e d t o r e a d e r s
r e o u n t i n g t h e i r o w n e ! p e r i e n e s o f p o l i e
h a r a s s $ e n t , o n e o f w h i h I f o u n d p a r t i u l a r l y
p e r t i n e n t a n d w i l l a l s o & u o t e i n f u l l . I t h i n k i t
u n l i k e l y t h a t e i t h e r o f t h e f o l l o w i n g t w o i n i d e n t s
w o u l d h a v e e n t e r e d t h e p u b l i d o $ a i n 0 a l b e i t i n a
l o w k e y $ a n n e r 1 h a d i t n o t b e e n f o r t h e b l o g g i n g
p h e n o $ e n o n )
" & e v e r ' i n d t h e t e r r o r i s t s ( ) r i t * o + s d e * i d e t o
h a s s l e + e o + l e o n t h e i r w a y t o t h e + u b i n s t e a d ! ! !
8 n W e d n e s d a y I g o t s t o p p e d u n d e r # e t i o n , - o f
T h e T e r r o r i s $ , t 2 0 0 0 . W h a t h a d I d o n e t o
a r o u s e s u s p i i o n : I ' d w a l k e d o u t o f 3 a d b r o k e
G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n < < < < 2 a u g h t y n a u g h t y
n a u g h t y < < < < # o t h e o l d b i l l w i t h w a r r a n t n o . 2 2 - 5 6
/ w h o w a s n ' t a l l o w e d t o g i v e $ e h i s n a $ e
b e a u s e h e w a s o n d u t i n g a ' o u n t e r t e r r o r i s $ '
s e a r h 0 9 ' , l l o , ' a l l o , ' a l l o w o t ' s g o i n ' o n ' e r e t h e n :
W h y h a v e y o u g o t t w o a r $ s a n d t w o l e g s : 9 1 /
d e $ a n d e d t o s e e $ y I 6 . T h i s w a s a n o d d t h i n g t o
a s k f o r b e a u s e t h e r e i s n o i d e n t i t y a r d s y s t e $
i n o p e r a t i o n i n t h e + D . I t h e r e f o r e a s k e d i f I ' d
u n d e r s t o o d o r r e t l y a n d w a s r e & u i r e d t o s h o w I 6
a n d w a s t o l d t h i s w a s t h e a s e . W a r r a n t n o .
22-56 aepted a university staff ard with a
photograph of $e on it as I6( although I
suspeted it would have pleased hi$ to arrest $e
for not possessing a non/e!istent +D I6 ard.
When I was asked what I worked as, I said
novelist beause while true it was not &uite
idential with the work for whih I'd shown a staff
ard. Warrant no. 22-56 wrote down a desription
of $e and this inluded the detail I was wearing
blak boots, although I was atually wearing blak
shoes, whih $ade $e further wonder what the
real point of all the 'ounter terrorist' ativity that
goes on in 3ondon is when $undane details like
this aren't orretly reorded by the old bill. 2o.
22-56 also noted $y #6. Fode, this is self
defined ethniity 0aording to the "ets 9what
ethni group you say your origins are fro$91,
although sine this was done without $e atually
being onsulted I so$ehow doubt that it went
down as 9,fro/Felti9( the detail was entered with
the ode W1. This funtions as another e!a$ple
of how in reality I was 'ust being hassled and the
ativity had nothing whatsoever to do with so
alled 'ounter terroris$'.
92e!t 2o. 22-56 got onto a &uestion whih
re$inded $e of how I was endlessly harassed by
t h e o l d b i l l a s a t e e n a g e r ) 9 % a v e y o u e v e r b e e n i n
t r o u b l e w i t h t h e p o l i e b e f o r e : 9 I & u e r i e d t h i s
f o r $ u l a t i o n b y a s k i n g ) 9 W h a t d o y o u $ e a n
b e f o r e : I ' $ n o t i n t r o u b l e n o w . 9 I w a s e v i d e n t l y
o r r e t s i n e I w a s n ' t a r r e s t e d a n d a l l t h e
s t a n d a r d r i $ i n a l h a r g e s e t i o n s o n t h e f o r $ 2 o .
2 2 - 5 6 f i l l e d i n w e r e i r l e d o n t h e ' n ' r a t h e r t h a n
t h e ' y ' s e t i o n / d a $ a g e a u s e d n o n e , i n ' u r y
a u s e d n o n e , p r o p e r t y r e o v e r e d 7 s e i ? e d n o n e ,
o f f e n s i v e w e a p o n n o n e , g i v e d e t a i l s n o n e . . . I t w a s
a l $ o s t % e g e l i a n i n t h e w a y w e w e r e o n s t a n t l y
g e t t i n g l o s e r t o n o t h i n g <
9 8 n b e i n g a s k e d w h y I w a s i n t h e a r e a I s a i d I
h a d l o n g s t a n d i n g o n n e t i o n s w i t h i t a n d t h a t $ y
$ o t h e r h a d l i v e d i n n e a r b y * a s s e t t ; o a d w h e n I
w a s b o r n a n d h a d d i e d i n F a $ b r i d g e G a r d e n s
0 b o t h o f w h i h r u n o f f 3 a d b r o k e G r o v e w h e r e I
w a s s t o p p e d 1 . I a l s o p o i n t e d o u t t h a t $ y $ o t h e r
b e i n g f o u n d n a k e d a n d d e a d o n h e r b e d w i t h t h e
d o o r t o h e r b e d s i t o p e n a n d t h e l i g h t s o n h a d n ' t
b e e n o n s i d e r e d s u s p i i o u s b y t h e l o a l p o l i e , s o
I d i d n ' t r e a l l y s e e w h y $ e w a l k i n g o u t o f
3 a d b r o k e G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n a p p e a r e d s u s p i i o u s
t o t h e $ . I w a s t h e n a s k e d w h e r e I w a s g o i n g a n d
s a i d 9 T h e W a r w i k 9 a n d w a s t o l d I o u l d g o (
a l t h o u g h a t u a l l y w h a t w a s t h e W a r w i k F a s t l e
and everyone still alls The Warwik has had the
na$e shortened to The Fastle and turned into
so$e sort of gastro night$are in an as yet
unsuessful atte$pt to lear out the deadbeats
who ongregate there. While the hange of deor
and shortening of the na$e hasn't got rid of us
yet, I'$ sure the prie inreases will... or polie
harass$ent. Fo$e to think of it ne!t ti$e I
arrange to $eet anyone in a pub I think I'll go to
a Weatherspoons on the other side of town....
,fter all at 22@ Westbourne 4ark ;oad opposite
The Warwik is an e&ually notorious tourist
attration, the site of the 9*lue 6oor9 in the fil$
"&otting ,ill" that led to the for$er residene of
the diretor ;ihard Furtis. In one of the fil$'s
endless low $o$ents %ugh Grant's Welsh
flat$ate appears there in his underpants. The
atual door was shipped to 6evon in 2000 after
being sold at Fhristie's for 5000. 3ikewise, the old
bill stopping $e on $y way to The Warwik under
the guise of 'preventing terroris$' is learly
o$plete and utter bolloks 'ust like the ;ihard
Furtis $ovie 9&otting ,ill"!9
This drew fro$ "ark / a bloke in his $id/forties
fro$ south 3ondon who generally responded to
$y blogs with witty one/liners the following story)
9 = e p . F o $ p l e t e a n d u t t e r b o l l o k s . % a p p e n e d t o
$ e a b o u t - y e a r s a g o , a n d I d i d a t u a l l y g e t
a r r e s t e d u n d e r t h e t e r r o r i s $ a t . W h a t h a p p e n e d
w a s t h a t I w a s p i s s e d , a n d I ' d g o t o n t h e w r o n g
t r a i n h o $ e t h a t w e n t $ i l e s i n t h e o p p o s i t e
d i r e t i o n 0 w h i h h a s a t u a l l y h a p p e n e d t o $ e a
f e w t i $ e s e $ b a r r a s s i n g l y , $ o s t r e e n t l y a b o u t a
y e a r a g o . . . . 1 I w o u l d ' v e g o t a a b b a k f r o $
F r o y d o n , b u t n o n e o f t h e s t r o p p y d r i v e r s w o u l d
t a k e s o $ e o n e a b i t w o b b l y o n t h e i r f e e t , a n d s o
o b v i o u s l y p i s s e d , s o t h e r e y a g o . # o a t r a i n i t
w a s , t h e r e w e r e s t i l l s o $ e r u n n i n g , t h o u g h t I
o u l d g e t o n e t o F r y s t a l 4 a l a e o r s o $ e t h i n g . G o t
o n a t r a i n , a n d a s s o o n a s t h e d o o r s s h u t , I
r e a l i s e d i t w a s f a s t t o G a t w i k . A u k . W e l l ,
G a t w i k s t a t i o n s e e $ e d l i k e a $ a ? e t r y i n g t o f i n d
y o u r w a y a r o u n d w h e n p i s s e d , I t e l l y o u . , n y w a y ,
a f t e r $ u h w a n d e r i n g a r o u n d p l a t f o r $ s s e e i n g
h o w t h e f u k I a n g e t b a k , I e v e n t u a l l y g e t
o l l a r e d b y a s o l i t a r y o p p e r i n u n i f o r $ w h o t e l l s
$ e I ' $ b e i n g p l a e d u n d e r a r r e s t u n d e r t h e
t e r r o r i s $ a t .
9 6 o n ' t r e $ e $ b e r a n y t h i n g a f t e r t h a t , I r e a l l y
d o n ' t . I $ u s t ' v e b l a k e d o u t , f a i n t e d o r
s o $ e t h i n g , I d o n ' t k n o w . 0 I w a s v e r y p i s s e d 1 3 a s t
t h i n g I r e $ e $ b e r i s b e i n g s e i ? e d b y t h e a r $ a n d
being esorted away. ,nyway, ne!t thing I know
it's dayti$e and I wake up fully lothed 0but
$inus 'aket and shoes1 in so$e private hospital
way out in the stiks in bloody Fhihester 0WTA:
That's -0 $iles away fro$ Frawley polie station,
where I was first taken to<1, like when The
Prisoner wakes up in The >illage for the first ti$e
or so$ething< ;eally fuking weird e!periene,
partiularly as the plae see$ed e$pty at first. I
find an unattended reeption desk, start shouting
9%ello:9 to no response for what see$ed like
bloody ages until eventually so$eone in harge
turns up. I'$ then told that I had 'tried to sale a
fene at Gatwik airport itself'< 0whih I was
absolutely nowhere near, inidentally.1 Auking
ludirous allegation, not only was I not anywhere
near any fenes, I was I2#I6. a bloody train
station, but seeing as I'$ arthriti in both knees
0and 'ust about $anage to walk unaided1, I
wouldn't even ,TT."4T to li$b any sodding
fene, anyway< In any ase, I was asking people
at the train station how I ould get %8"., so
W%= the fuk would I have tried to do T%,T:
9,nyway, after $uh pleading fro$ $e for the
ops to try and prove this o$plete and utter
bullshit, there wasn't any FFT> footage of this
a l l e g e d a t f o r t h o $ i n g , w h i h w a s n ' t a s u r p r i s e ,
s e e i n g a s i t n e v e r s o d d i n g h a p p e n e d i n t h e
s o d d i n g f i r s t p l a e < # o $ e f u k i n g b u l l s h i t w a n k e r
s t i t h / u p o p p e r t a k i n g a d v a n t a g e o f $ y s t a t e
a n d t r y i n g t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k g o o d t o h i s
b o s s e s o r s o $ e t h i n g , I a n o n l y g u e s s . 0 : 1 I n e v e r
d i d g e t $ y s h o e s b a k f r o $ t h e s w i n e e i t h e r , o r
t h e ' a k e t I w a s w e a r i n g . # u p p o s e t h e y t o o k
t h e $ a p a r t l o o k i n g f o r b o $ b s o r s o $ e t h i n g .
, n y w a y , I w a s n ' t h a r g e d w i t h a n y t h i n g o f a n y
k i n d , o r e v e n a u t i o n e d i n t h e e n d , a n d i t a l l g o t
& u i e t l y s w e p t u n d e r t h e a r p e t , e v e n t u a l l y . * u t
o n l y a f t e r t h e $ a s s i v e f u k i n g h e a d f u k
e ! p e r i e n e o f b e i n g i n u s t o d y t r y i n g t o p r o v e
$ y s e l f i n n o e n t t o p e o p l e w h o d i d n ' t w a n t t o
f u k i n g l i s t e n , t h o u g h . = e a h , s u p p o s e i t o u l d ' v e
b e e n $ u h w o r s e a n d i t o u l d ' v e b e e n a o p p e r
w i t h a g u n w h o w a n t e d t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k t h e
b i g ' h e r o ' t h e r e . . . , l l p r o b a b l y s o u n d s i n r e d i b l e ,
b u t a t r u e s t o r y , I k i d y o u n o t . T h e s h i t t i e s t t h i n g
t h a t ' s e v e r h a p p e n e d t o $ e . 9
W h i l e I i n ' e t e d p l e n t y o f h u $ o u r i n t o $ y b l o g s ,
w h a t I w a s d o i n g h a d a p o l i t i a l t h r u s t . I n r e d i b l y
$ y b l o g g i n g e f f o r t s w e r e n o t ' u s t r e o g n i s e d b u t
a l s o r e w a r d e d b y " y # p a e , s i n e w h e n t h e
p l a t f o r $ i n t r o d u e d a + D ' * l o g o f t h e W e e k '
feature in Aebruary 200B they $ade $ine the first
profile they endorsed through it. I knew fro$
other soures that "y#pae had been traking $y
ativities for so$e ti$e, sine the hits I was
getting had attrated the attention of their data
analysts. I got the i$pression they hadn't looked
at the atual ontent of the blogs too losely. In
so$e ways I found this odd beause the key to
reating a good blog is ontent. It was where a lot
of people fell down in their online ativities.
*loggers often appeared unable to $ove beyond
trivia to broader onerns, and $any postings
were badly written to boot( a little bit of rewriting
ould have $assively i$proved $any of the$.
Initially I'd wanted to pipe people off "y#pae
and onto $y own website
0Hwww.stewartho$esoiety.orgI1, but it &uikly
bea$e apparent this wasn't going to happen in
any big way. I wasn't doing badly on "y#pae but
the ontraditions of working in a web
environ$ent ontrolled by $edia $ogul ;upert
"urdoh eventually bea$e too $uh for $e.
Inreasingly I found o$$ents and other $aterial
deleted fro$ $y pages presu$ably beause it
was dee$ed offensive, and so$e of $y friends
had whole aounts deleted. Then early on @
" a r h 2 0 0 B I g o t a $ e s s a g e f r o $ " y # p a e ) 9 8 n
" a r h 1 0 t h , 2 0 0 B - + e r a t i o n M y S + a * e w i l l b r i n g
t h e t r o o p s i n D u w a i t a n d a l l o f " y # p a e a 3 I > .
s h o w i n D u l a b y t e % 6 t h a t t h e y ' l l n e v e r f o r g e t .
6 i s t u r b e d , 4 u s s y a t 6 o l l s , C e s s i a # i $ p s o n , A i l t e r ,
F a r l o s " e n i a , " e t a l # a n a ? , 6 C J / T r i p , 2 6 " 8 ; .
w i l l a l l b e a p a r t o f t h i s s p e t a u l a r e v e n t t h a t w i l l
b e s t r e a $ e d 3 I > . o n l y o n " y # p a e I t ' s 2 0 0 B
a n d t h e w o r l d h a s h a n g e d b u t o u r t r o o p s s t i l l
n e e d o u r s u p p o r t . 4 l e a s e d r o p b y a n d l e a v e a
s p e i a l $ e s s a g e f o r t h e t r o o p s 9 I t w a s o b v i o u s
" y # p a e w e r e n ' t i n t h e b u s i n e s s o f h e l p i n g $ e
d e l i v e r $ y p e r s o n a l $ e s s a g e t o t h e t r o o p s , w h i h
$ i g h t b e s u $ $ a r i s e d a s ) 9 A u k t h e a r $ y < T h e
o n l y g o o d s o l d i e r s a r e t h o s e w h o d e s e r t t a k i n g
t h e i r a r $ s w i t h t h e $ 9
# i n e I ' $ a g a i n s t i $ p e r i a l i s $ a n d o p p o s e r a i s t
s a d i s t s i n u n i f o r $ , I & u i k l y r e a h e d t h e
o n l u s i o n I w a n t e d t o d e l e t e $ y " y # p a e
a o u n t s . . . b u t b e f o r e d o i n g s o o n 1 0 " a r h 2 0 0 B
I t r i e d t o d i s u s s i t v i a a b l o g I p o s t e d o n @
" a r h . T h e f o l l o w i n g o $ $ e n t f r o $ F h r i s t o p h e r
2 o s n i b o r i s p r e t t y t y p i a l o f t h e r e a t i o n t o $ y
s u g g e s t i o n e v e r y o n e w h o o p p o s e d w a r s h o u l d g e t
o f f " y # p a e ) 9 A u k i n g h e l l , I ' $ i n l i n e d t o w a r d
b o y o t t i n g a n y s i t e t h a t h a s a n y t h i n g t o d o w i t h
the 4ussyat 6olls, never $ind the politial
agenda<... I boyott an awful lot / o$panies who
test on ani$als, use sweat shops, fund the *ush
ad$inistration, et., and tend to at upon $y
beliefs that the onsu$er should vote with their
wallet. *ut having one's voie heard is also
i$portant, whih is why I also try to $ake lear
preisely why I avoid ertain brands and so on.
"y#pae is a very good platfor$ for getting $y
views read. *+T / and here's the proble$ /
e!pressing dissent on "y#pae see$s to be
beo$ing inreasingly diffiult and the platfor$
appears to be beo$ing $ore adept at silening
the dissenters, one way or another...' 8ther
o$$ents pointed out the o$$erial benefits to
"y#pae of allying the$selves with soldiers)
9When push o$es to shove, a $ass/$arket
pheno$enon like "y#pae is going to go for
,pple 4ie and "otherhood every ti$e.9
I didn't and don't feel I need "yspae to get $y
voie heard. I went into "y#pae as a virtual
environ$ent with the intention of understanding
it and proving that I understood it by operating
suessfully within it. I did that, then I got off the
platfor$. When I'd finished with "y#pae I felt
like I wanted a break fro$ blogging. When I
s t a r t e d t o b l o g a g a i n I d i d s o w i t h W o r d 4 r e s s
s o f t w a r e t h a t I s t u k o n t o t h e b a k e n d o f $ y
o w n w e b s i t e . 2 o w I o n t r o l t h e h o r i ? o n t a l a n d I
o n t r o l t h e v e r t i a l , a n d I d o n ' t h a v e t o w o r r y
a b o u t ; u p e r t " u r d o h a n d h i s $ i n i o n s d e l e t i n g
$ a t e r i a l I ' v e p o s t e d b e a u s e t h e y d i s a g r e e w i t h
i t . A o r $ e t h i s i s t h e w a y f o r w a r d t o W e b 2 . 1 ,
r u n n i n g s o f t w a r e o n o u r o w n s i t e s t h a t a l l o w s
o t h e r s t o i n t e r a t w i t h u s o n l i n e .
1 -
1E
1B
1 @
Click This?
MySpace + the
Pornography
of Corporately
Controlled
Virtual Life
T h e r e ' s b e e n a l o t o f t a l k a b o u t W e b 2 . 0 o v e r t h e
p a s t f e w y e a r s , a n d I ' v e f o u n d b e i n g a t i v e o n
s o i a l n e t w o r k i n g s i t e s h a s p r o v i d e d t h e b e s t
p l a e n o t o n l y t o r e s e a r h i t b u t t o a n e ! t e n t a l s o
t o d i s u s s i t . " y e ! p l o r a t i o n s s t a r t e d o n " y # p a e
i n t h e s p r i n g o f 2 0 0 6 a n d i n i t i a l l y I s e t u p a n
a o u n t a s " i s t e r T r i p p y . " y g i $ $ i k w a s t o
b e h a v e a s i f I w a s s o $ e o n e e l s e p r e t e n d i n g t o b e
$ e , s o I d e l i b e r a t e l y f u d g e d f a t s a n d g o t $ i n o r
t h i n g s w r o n g a b o u t $ y l i f e a n d w o r k . T h i s l e d t o a
e r t a i n a $ o u n t o f s p e u l a t i o n a s t o w h o w a s
r u n n i n g w h a t w a s t a k e n t o b e a ' f a k e ' # t e w a r t
% o $ e s i t e . I n e ! t s e t u p a n a o u n t f o r $ y
g i r l f r i e n d T e s s i e , o n e o f $ y v e n t r i l o & u i s t d o l l s . I
w a s f a $ i l i a r w i t h p h e n o $ e n a l i k e r a d i o
v e n t r i l o & u i s $ s o I f i g u r e d i n t e r n e t v e n t r i l o & u i s $
w o u l d w o r k ' u s t a s w e l l . I n o $ $ e n t s s h e p o s t e d ,
T e s s i e l a i $ e d t o b e p r e g n a n t a n d w o u l d b e o $ e
e n r a g e d w h e n I r e s p o n d e d b y p o i n t i n g o u t p l a s t i
d o l l s a n ' t h a v e b a b i e s ( i t w a s u r i o u s t h a t & u i t e a
f e w w o $ e n s u p p o r t e d T e s s i e b y p o s t i n g
$ e s s a g e s s a y i n g t h e i r b o y f r i e n d s w e r e ' u s t l i k e
$ e , s i n e t h e s e $ e n h a d i n s i s t e d t h e i r o t h e r h a l f
w a s n ' t k n o k e d u p w h e n t h e y r e a l l y w e r e i n t h e
l u b .
"y#pae divide their user profiles into different
setions) a $ain profile with self desription,
pitures, videos, $usi and o$$ents( a blog
whose $ost reent headlines if any are displayed
on the profile page( and finally a setion for
uploaded photographs. I e!ploited all these
features but deided to fous on blogging, despite
finding the "y#pae blog ulture e!tre$ely
o$petitive and bithy at its top end. There was a
ore group desperate to ride high in the "y#pae
blog harts. *eause the harts were o$piled on
the basis of daily hits, bloggers in the +#, were
getting up in the $iddle of the night to post
i$$ediately after eah 2- hour ounting swith
over, thereby ensuring they $a!i$ised the hits
they got on the first day eah new blog was up.
*eing based in .urope I ould roll out of bed at
$y usual ti$e and get a blog up at the beginning
of the "y#pae day. Titles of blogs were and are
i$portant, $ost people wanted to read about se!
and blogs that ategorised the$selves as being
about 'ro$ane and relationships' tended to get
the $ost hits. The overwhel$ing $a'ority of the
blogs weren't in the least bit interesting( reading
about busts/ups between top bloggers who'd also
beo$e lovers 'ust wasn't $y bag. That said
$iro/worlds tend to develop around suessful
b l o g s a n d I h a d o n e o f $ y o w n t h a t $ a y w e l l
h a v e a p p e a r e d b o r i n g a n d i $ p e n e t r a b l e t o a s u a l
v i s i t o r s .
" y " i s t e r T r i p p y b l o g w a s a l i t t l e u n u s u a l i n t h a t
b o t h I a n d t h e o r e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n i t
h a v e a p e n h a n t f o r r e a t i n g $ u l t i p l e f a k e p r o f i l e s
0 a n d i d e n t i a l l o n e s o f e a h o t h e r ' s p r o f i l e s 1 , s o
t h e r e w a s a l w a y s a n a i r o f u n e r t a i n t y o v e r
e ! a t l y w h o w a s l e a v i n g o $ $ e n t s . T h e s e
i d e n t i t y g a $ e s p l a y e d i n v i r t u a l s p a e f o u n d t h e i r
p r e / w e b r y s t a l l i s a t i o n i n 2 e o i s $ , w e r e b r o u g h t
o n t o t h e n e t v i a T h e 3 u t h e r * l i s s e t t 4 r o ' e t i n t h e
1 5 5 0 s , a n d a n b e t r a e d b a k t h r o u g h
$ i d / t w e n t i e t h e n t u r y u l t u r a l / p o l i t i o
$ o v e $ e n t s s u h a s 3 e t t r i s $ t o 6 a d a . 2 e w
r e a d e r s w h o r e s p o n d e d t o $ y b l o g s a n d 7 o r p r o f i l e
t e n d e d t o d e s r i b e t h e $ a n d t h e s e p r a t i e s a s
b o t h i n t r i g u i n g a n d d i s o r i e n t a t i n g .
W h e n I ' o i n e d " y # p a e i t w a s s t i l l p l a g u e d b y
p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s p a $ a d v e r t i s i n g a d u l t d a t i n g
s i t e s a n d w e b a $ s e r v i e s . T a k i n g o u t f r e e
$ e $ b e r s h i p w i t h t h e s e s e ! o n t a t s i t e s o f t e n
a l l o w s a p r o f i l e t o b e r e a t e d b u t d o e s n t a l l o w
r e s p o n s e s t o t h e ' b o t g i r l s ' 0 f a k e f e $ a l e s w i n g e r s 1
w h o i $ $ e d i a t e l y o $ e o n t o $ a l e s w h o d o n ' t
have a pre$iu$ paid subsription( these sites
have virtually no fe$ale $e$bers, and they are
unlikely to do $uh for the thousands of
heterose!ual $ales who take out subsriptions to
the$. 8ver the past few years "y#pae has
raked down on suh spa$ $erhants beause
they ut into the operation's revenue base by
$aking users distrustful of all advertisers. That
said, I found it fun replying to spa$ o$$ents.
*ak on "y#pae I ouldn't resist responding to
the bot girls who left $e and $illions of others
$essages along the lines of 9%ow was your
weekend:9 8ne of $y standard replies to this
was) 9%ey $y weekend was great. I $anaged to
sneak one of the unidentified bodies out of the
hospital $orgue. I've na$ed this stiff "arie and I
took her for a date. Thus did $idnight find the
two of us / I and $y "arie / en'oying an inti$ate
andle/lit tete/a/tete at #hoop's, a loal
roadhouse on the far edge of town. ;o$ane was
in the air, and "arie, whose only fault as a dinner
o$panion was a tendeny to keep slipping
sideways out of the booth, had never looked
lovelier. I had about deided to order the fish
akes and had li$bed on top of the table, the
better to urge "arie to try the
s v e n g a l i / a n d / $ e a t b a l l s , o r ' 1 2 i n h e s o f
h a p p i n e s s ' a s i t i s s o $ e t i $ e s a l l e d , w h e n t h e
r o a d h o u s e o w n e r a $ e o v e r ) ' 4 h e w $ a n < ' h e
s a i d t o $ e , p o i n t i n g a t " a r i e . ' = o u g o t t a g e t t h a t
t h i n g o u t o f h e r e . I t ' s s t a r t i n g t o s t i n k t h e p l a e
u p a n d p e o p l e a r e o $ p l a i n i n g . , r e y o u n u t s o r
s o $ e t h i n g : ' W e l l " a r i e w a s n ' t f e e l i n g t h a t h u n g r y
a n d I f e l t s o $ e t h i n g o t h e r t h a n f o o d w a s o n t h e
$ e n u , s o w e l e f t a n d I d r o v e h e r t o a r e $ o t e
b e a u t y s p o t w h e r e w e $ a d e p a s s i o n a t e l o v e . I
e v e n g o t h e r b a k i n t h e h o s p i t a l o o l e r w i t h o u t
a n y b o d y n o t i i n g " a r i e h a d b e e n $ i s s i n g f o r h a l f
t h e n i g h t . # o I h a d a g r e a t w e e k e n d . I t r u s t y o u r s
w a s a g r o o v e . . . 9 # t r a n g e l y I ' v e n e v e r h a d a r e p l y
t o t h i s s t y l e o f o $ $ e n t b u t t h e n u s u a l l y t h e
p e o p l e I w a s l e a v i n g t h e $ f o r w a n t e d p u n t e r s t o
p a r t w i t h a s h f o r a d u l t d a t i n g a n d 7 o r w e b a $
a n d p o r n o g r a p h y s e r v i e s .
, n o t h e r f a v o u r i t e t r i k o f $ i n e w a s t o r e s p o n d t o
t h o s e o f f e r i n g h e l p w i t h i n t e r n e t b u s i n e s s s t a r t u p
s h e $ e s w i t h t h e f o l l o w i n g ) 9 % e y I w a s
u n e $ p l o y e d a n d h o $ e l e s s a f t e r l o s i n g $ y ' o b
a n d $ y r e l a t i o n s h i p b r o k e u p b e a u s e I h a d
e r e t i l e d y s f u n t i o n , b u t I k e p t h e k i n g $ y
e $ a i l s a t t h e l o a l l i b r a r y a n d I s r a p e d t o g e t h e r
t h e $ o n e y t o g e t s o $ e s h a r e s a f t e r I w a s s e n t
so$e anony$ous hot stok business advie, and I
started $aking a bit of $oney and got a flat to
rent, then I bought >iagra on the net and that
solved $y relationship proble$s and as I got into
doing $ore business on the web I found I was
$aking a lot of $oney and I bought a house in
3ondon and then a holiday ho$e in #pain and
so$e really nie ars. 2ow I've got $aids and a
suessful $arriage too 0although $ost nights
these days I stay our late snorting oaine and
having se! with high lass hookers / in fat I'$
getting a blow 'ob right now fro$ a pre/op
transse!ual and I'$ using $y 4al$ $ini o$puter
to write you this $essage1. #o I an really
reo$$end these business tehni&ues you're
offering people. *ut what your friends need even
$ore than these tehni&ues are the unseured
loans I an arrange for the$ beause they an't
start a suessful internet business without proper
finanial bak up. 4eople are onned into thinking
they an build up one of these operations without
the finanial wherewithal but that 'ust isn't true,
beause all the $ost suessful businesses on the
net are properly apitalised...9
I tended not to bother responding to spa$
$essages that ran along the lines of 9%ey hek
o u t $ y b a n d , w e ' v e g o t n e w t r a k s u p a n d w e ' d
l i k e y o u t o l e t u s k n o w w h a t y o u t h i n k 9 ( a l t h o u g h
v e r y o a s i o n a l l y w h e n I d i d l i k t h r o u g h t o a
b a n d s i t e I w o u l d l e a v e a o $ $ e n t a l o n g t h e l i n e s
o f ) 9 = e a h I h e k e d o u t y o u r $ u s i $ a n , a n d i t
s u k s w o r s e t h a n a n i n f a n t t h a t $ i s s e d a f e e d b u t
s i n e t h e $ a r k e t d i s t o r t s e v e r y t h i n g , i f y o u a r r y
o n w i t h y o u r p r o $ o t i o n s t h e n t h e r e ' s a o n e i n a
h u n d r e d b i l l i o n h a n e y o u ' l l b e t h e n e ! t + 2 0 a n d
t h e y s u k e v e n w o r s e t h a n y o u 1 . 9
T o b u i l d $ y p r o f i l e a n d b l o g I h a d t o b e p r o a t i v e ,
o $ $ e n t i n g o n o t h e r p e o p l e ' s p a g e s a n d
r e s p o n d i n g t o o $ $ e n t s o n $ y o w n . I
s i $ u l t a n e o u s l y e ! t e n d e d $ y n e t w o r k b y
o n s e n t i n g t o b e ' f r i e n d s ' / o n e o f t h e t w o p r o f i l e s
i n v o l v e d h a s t o $ a k e a f r i e n d r e & u e s t / w i t h o t h e r
u s e r s . 8 n l y f r i e n d s a n l e a v e p r o f i l e o $ $ e n t s
b u t y o u a n o p t a s I d i d t o a l l o w a n y o n e t o l e a v e
b l o g o $ $ e n t s . I f o u n d p r o f i l e s o n t h e w h o l e l e s s
i n t e r e s t i n g t h a n b l o g s , s i n e o f t e n t h e y w e r e l i t t l e
$ o r e t h a n a l i s t o f o n s u $ e r p r e f e r e n e s i n t e r $ s
o f $ u s i , $ o v i e s a n d b o o k s . I t t o o k $ e a b o u t 6
$ o n t h s b e f o r e I w a s a b l e t o $ a k e t h e " y # p a e
T o p 5 0 b l o g s o n a r e g u l a r b a s i s . T h i s r e & u i r e d
a r o u n d a t h o u s a n d h i t s a d a y . W h a t I e v e n t u a l l y
w o r k e d o u t w a s t h a t i t w a s e a s i e r t o g e t a r o u n d
100 people to look at the sa$e blog 10 ti$es in a
day than it was to get 1000 different people to
look at it. #o when so$eone o$$ented on the
blog I'd o$$ent bak, then they'd o$e bak to
see what I'd said( by suh $eans I was building a
following as $uh for the o$$ents as for the
atual blogs 0in effet the o$$ents setion of
$y blogs bea$e a hat roo$, people
o$$enting started talking to eah other as well
as to $e1. This was hard work, sine it $eant
ontinually interrupting other work I was doing to
log on to "y#pae, but it was effetive, for a
while I was ending up with ten or so pages of
o$$ents on eah blog, or about 250 o$$ents
fro$ other "y#pae users and 250 replies that I
left. 2aturally $y replies weren't always detailed(
I developed ath phrases suh as 'toot toot' to
deal &uikly with $uh of what was left by way of
response to $y blogs.
#o$e of $y standard replies to o$$ents were a
little $ore involved than a ath phrase suh as
9beep beep9, sine the ut and paste funtion on
o$puters $eans that I never need to be short of
sores of reusable lines. *eing "ister Trippy $y
off the peg responses inluded) 9Wow I'$ really
stoned... really tripping... out of... I've gone
a n d . . . I s h o u l d n ' t h a v e g o t t e n t h i s h i g h . . . I d i d n ' t
t a k e e n o u g h a i d t o g e t t h i s h i g h . . . e v e n $ y
p l a y t h i n g s w a l k e d t o # a t u r n . . . b e n d p e n i l
e r a s e r s . . . d e l i i o u s . . . a p p l e s e ! p l o d e i n t o
b u t t e r f l i e s . . . I g o t t a g e t o u t t a h e r e . . . o n e t w o
t h r e e f o u r . . . I a n h a r d l y s e e . . . t o $ b s
i n t e r l o k i n g . . . t o o $ u h a i d . . . t o o $ a n y o l o u r s
b l o w n u p i n $ y f a e 9 * u t I w o u l d s t r e s s I w a s
i n t e r e s t e d i n b u i l d i n g a o $ $ u n t y a n d w h a t i s
i $ p o r t a n t i s t h e f l o w o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s o n a n d o f f
l i n e ( s o $ e e t i n g p e o p l e f a e t o f a e w a s a l s o
i $ p o r t a n t . # o $ e o f t h o s e o $ $ e n t i n g o n $ y
b l o g I ' d k n o w n f o r y e a r s , o t h e r s I $ e t i n t h e f l e s h
a s a r e s u l t o f $ y a t i v i t i e s o n " y # p a e , s o $ e I
d i d n ' t e v e r $ e e t b u t t h e y $ a n a g e d t o h o o k u p f o r
d r i n k s o r w h a t e v e r w i t h o t h e r p e o p l e o $ i n g o n
t h e b l o g .
* u i l d i n g $ y b l o g t o o k s l i g h t l y l o n g e r t h a n t h i n k i n g
u p a n d a p p r o p r i a t i n g o $ $ e n t s . I u s e d a $ i ! t u r e
o f $ a t e r i a l I ' d a l r e a d y p r o d u e d s u h a s u l t u r a l
e s s a y s a n d i n t e r v i e w s f r o $ $ y o w n w e b s i t e
0 w h i h b y t h i s $ e a n s f o u n d f r e s h r e a d e r s 1 , a n d
t e ! t s r e a t e d e s p e i a l l y f o r t h e b l o g s u h a s
r e v i e w s o f t r a s h f i l $ s . " y $ o v i e f o u s w a s o n
e ! p l o i t a t i o n a n d s l e a ? e f r o $ a r o u n d t h e w o r l d
w i t h s o $ e s o i o l o g y o f u l t u r e t h r o w n i n . I a l s o
parodied the very popular list blogs for$at,
throwing so$e politial and theoretial ontent in
with the o$edy. 8ne of $y reworkings of a
for$ula blog list was the following( and I liked it
so $uh I posted it twie, one in #pring 200@
and again a year later on 1@ Aebruary 200B)
"10 Down & Dirty Sexually Perverted Things
About Me
91. ,lthough I a$ the illegiti$ate son of +#
president Cohn A. Dennedy, I think his old war
poliies suked and he was a war/$ongering 'erk.
8n $y paternity, please note this is not the kind
of 'oke o$$ent you often get in these 9lists9, $y
$other was part of the Deeler set of *ritish
wo$en with who$ Dennedy en'oyed se!ual
ongress and the 4re? visited 3ondon 5 $onths
before I was born / that said CAD wouldn't fae up
to his responsibilities so the spae for $y father's
na$e on $y birth ertifiate is blank 0but this
doesn't $ean that $y passion for o$$unis$ is
so$e kind of 8edipal rebellion1.
92. I have never felt the $aternal need to have
hildren beause I a$ a 9bloke9. I do have an
illegiti$ate daughter alled *ritney #pears,
o$pare how the two of us look and you'll lok
t h e l i k e n e s s .
9 E . I l o v e p s y h e d e l i d r u g s a n d $ u s i t h a t i s r e d
w i t h p u r p l e f l a s h e s ( a l o t o f p e o p l e t h i n k t h i s
$ a k e s $ e a h i p p i e , b u t I ' $ a t u a l l y a n , f r o / F e l t .
G e t t i n g o f f $ y f a e o n p s y h e d e l i d r u g s ' u s t
h a p p e n s t o b e a r e a l l y o o l w a y o f o n n e t i n g
w i t h $ y s e l f . 3 i k e w i s e , I a n ' t h e l p o n s i d e r i n g
b a n d s l i k e T h e F r e a t i o n , T h e * i r d s a n d T h e A l i e s
0 1 5 6 0 s 3 o n d o n f r e a k b e a t $ u s i , n o t t o b e
o n f u s e d w i t h F a l i f o r n i a n g r o u p s l i k e T h e * y r d s 1 ,
a t o t a l g r o o v e .
9 - . I f a n t a s i ? e a b o u t h a v i n g s e ! w i t h $ y s e l f / I
b e t y o u a l l d o < 6 o n ' t 3 i e .
9 5 . # t y r o f o a $ g i v e s $ e g o o s e b u $ p s a l l o v e r .
9 6 . I ' $ a d d i t e d t o C h e e z - t s ! I l o v e t h e $ . I e a t
t h e $ a l l d a y . I t a k e t h e $ t o w o r k w i t h $ e . I k e e p
a l i t t l e ? i p l o k b a g o f t h e $ n e ! t t o $ y b e d i n
a s e I w a k e u p i n t h e $ i d d l e o f t h e n i g h t a n d
n e e d s o $ e C h e e z - t s ! I p l a n w h a t d a y I ' l l d o $ y
f o o d s h o p p i n g b a s e d o n h o w $ u h C h e e z - t s I
h a v e l e f t . I a n s h a k e a b o ! a n d g u e s s h o w $ u h
l o n g e r t h a t p a r t i u l a r b o ! w i l l l a s t $ e b a s e d o n
h o w $ a n y C h e e z - t s a r e l e f t i n i t .
9 @ . I l i k e t o $ a k e a n i $ a l n o i s e s ( I a w a t r o w s ,
$ e o w a t a t s , b a r k l i k e a d o g a n d $ o o a t o w s .
%owever, $ost of all I like to s&ueak like a bat
beause I think it will entie $y friend Delly to
ontat $e.
9B. I don't wear $ake/up very often. %owever,
when I do, I go for eye liner, eye shadow,
powders and lip gloss. I en'oy looking nie.
95. I never lie and would instead find interesting
ways to 9bend9 the truth if this bea$e
neessary( but sine the notion of 9truth9 is
soially onstruted and isn't 9out there9, it an't
be 9found9 and therefore I don't need to ad'ust it.
910. I hate lists and refuse to o$pile the$.9
I also wrote fitional piees about $yself and
so$e of the regulars who ontributed o$$ents
to $y blog. In doing this I often adopted
post$odern literary tehni&ues, by for e!a$ple
taking newspaper stories and adapting na$es and
other details to $ake the$ about $e and $y
readers. Aor e!a$ple) 9, kinky se! esapade
ended this week with the eletroution death of a
*elfast $an and the arrest of his boyfriend for
$anslaughter. ,ording to ops, #tewart %o$e,
-5, first lai$ed that his boyfriend "ihael D was
shoked by his hair dryer. *ut he then ad$itted
that the ouple was 'into weird se!ual
b e h a v i o u r s , ' a o r d i n g t o a p r o b a b l e a u s e
a f f i d a v i t . % o $ e t h e n e ! p l a i n e d t h a t h e h o o k s l i p s
t o h i s b o y f r i e n d ' s n i p p l e s a n d ' p l u g s t h e o r d i n t o
a n e l e t r i s t r i p ' a n d s h o k s h i $ . 8 n T u e s d a y
e v e n i n g , % o $ e s a i d , " i h a e l w h o w a s v i s i t i n g h i $
i n * l o o $ s b u r y 0 3 o n d o n 1 r e $ o v e d h i s l o t h e s ,
a t t a h e d t h e l i p s , a n d s h o k e d h i $ s e l f . % o $ e
t h e n p i k e d u p t h e e l e t r i s t r i p a n d s h o k e d D
s e v e r a l $ o r e t i $ e s , a d d i n g t h a t h e h a d p l a e d a
p i e e o f e l e t r i t a p e o v e r D ' s $ o u t h d u r i n g t h e
' o l t s . , f t e r t h e l a s t s h o k , " i h a e l , - 0 , ' f e l l o v e r
o n t o h i s f a e . ' % o $ e i n i t i a l l y t h o u g h t h i s
b o y f r i e n d w a s ' o k i n g , b u t & u i k l y r e a l i ? e d h e w a s
u n o n s i o u s . % e t h e n d r e s s e d h i $ i n p r e p a r a t i o n
f o r g e t t i n g t o t h e h o s p i t a l , b u t i n s t e a d a l l e d 5 5 5
w h e n h e s t o p p e d b r e a t h i n g . % o $ e t o l d
i n v e s t i g a t o r s t h a t t h e o u p l e h a d ' b e e n e n g a g i n g
i n e l e t r i s h o k s e ! a n d o t h e r t y p e s o f e ! t r e $ e
b o n d a g e f o r a b o u t 2 y e a r s . ' % e w a s h a r g e d
y e s t e r d a y w i t h i n v o l u n t a r y $ a n s l a u g h t e r a n d
r e k l e s s e n d a n g e r $ e n t a n d w a s ' a i l e d i n t h e W e s t
. n d F e n t r a l p o l i e s t a t i o n 0 w h e r e h e r e $ a i n s i n
u s t o d y o n 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 b a i l 1 . 9
" y b l o g s o u l d a n d d i d g e t $ o r e s e r i o u s t h a n t h e
a b o v e e ! a $ p l e $ i g h t i n d i a t e . , n d s o $ e o f $ y
$ o r e o b v i o u s l y p o l i t i a l b l o g s d r e w o u t i n t e r e s t i n g
s t o r i e s i n t h e o $ $ e n t s . I r e p r o d u e b e l o w a b l o g
o f " # $ e b r u a r y " 0 0 % b e a u s e i t l e d t o r e a d e r s
r e o u n t i n g t h e i r o w n e ! p e r i e n e s o f p o l i e
h a r a s s $ e n t , o n e o f w h i h I f o u n d p a r t i u l a r l y
p e r t i n e n t a n d w i l l a l s o & u o t e i n f u l l . I t h i n k i t
u n l i k e l y t h a t e i t h e r o f t h e f o l l o w i n g t w o i n i d e n t s
w o u l d h a v e e n t e r e d t h e p u b l i d o $ a i n 0 a l b e i t i n a
l o w k e y $ a n n e r 1 h a d i t n o t b e e n f o r t h e b l o g g i n g
p h e n o $ e n o n )
" & e v e r ' i n d t h e t e r r o r i s t s ( ) r i t * o + s d e * i d e t o
h a s s l e + e o + l e o n t h e i r w a y t o t h e + u b i n s t e a d ! ! !
8 n W e d n e s d a y I g o t s t o p p e d u n d e r # e t i o n , - o f
T h e T e r r o r i s $ , t 2 0 0 0 . W h a t h a d I d o n e t o
a r o u s e s u s p i i o n : I ' d w a l k e d o u t o f 3 a d b r o k e
G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n < < < < 2 a u g h t y n a u g h t y
n a u g h t y < < < < # o t h e o l d b i l l w i t h w a r r a n t n o . 2 2 - 5 6
/ w h o w a s n ' t a l l o w e d t o g i v e $ e h i s n a $ e
b e a u s e h e w a s o n d u t i n g a ' o u n t e r t e r r o r i s $ '
s e a r h 0 9 ' , l l o , ' a l l o , ' a l l o w o t ' s g o i n ' o n ' e r e t h e n :
W h y h a v e y o u g o t t w o a r $ s a n d t w o l e g s : 9 1 /
d e $ a n d e d t o s e e $ y I 6 . T h i s w a s a n o d d t h i n g t o
a s k f o r b e a u s e t h e r e i s n o i d e n t i t y a r d s y s t e $
i n o p e r a t i o n i n t h e + D . I t h e r e f o r e a s k e d i f I ' d
u n d e r s t o o d o r r e t l y a n d w a s r e & u i r e d t o s h o w I 6
a n d w a s t o l d t h i s w a s t h e a s e . W a r r a n t n o .
22-56 aepted a university staff ard with a
photograph of $e on it as I6( although I
suspeted it would have pleased hi$ to arrest $e
for not possessing a non/e!istent +D I6 ard.
When I was asked what I worked as, I said
novelist beause while true it was not &uite
idential with the work for whih I'd shown a staff
ard. Warrant no. 22-56 wrote down a desription
of $e and this inluded the detail I was wearing
blak boots, although I was atually wearing blak
shoes, whih $ade $e further wonder what the
real point of all the 'ounter terrorist' ativity that
goes on in 3ondon is when $undane details like
this aren't orretly reorded by the old bill. 2o.
22-56 also noted $y #6. Fode, this is self
defined ethniity 0aording to the "ets 9what
ethni group you say your origins are fro$91,
although sine this was done without $e atually
being onsulted I so$ehow doubt that it went
down as 9,fro/Felti9( the detail was entered with
the ode W1. This funtions as another e!a$ple
of how in reality I was 'ust being hassled and the
ativity had nothing whatsoever to do with so
alled 'ounter terroris$'.
92e!t 2o. 22-56 got onto a &uestion whih
re$inded $e of how I was endlessly harassed by
t h e o l d b i l l a s a t e e n a g e r ) 9 % a v e y o u e v e r b e e n i n
t r o u b l e w i t h t h e p o l i e b e f o r e : 9 I & u e r i e d t h i s
f o r $ u l a t i o n b y a s k i n g ) 9 W h a t d o y o u $ e a n
b e f o r e : I ' $ n o t i n t r o u b l e n o w . 9 I w a s e v i d e n t l y
o r r e t s i n e I w a s n ' t a r r e s t e d a n d a l l t h e
s t a n d a r d r i $ i n a l h a r g e s e t i o n s o n t h e f o r $ 2 o .
2 2 - 5 6 f i l l e d i n w e r e i r l e d o n t h e ' n ' r a t h e r t h a n
t h e ' y ' s e t i o n / d a $ a g e a u s e d n o n e , i n ' u r y
a u s e d n o n e , p r o p e r t y r e o v e r e d 7 s e i ? e d n o n e ,
o f f e n s i v e w e a p o n n o n e , g i v e d e t a i l s n o n e . . . I t w a s
a l $ o s t % e g e l i a n i n t h e w a y w e w e r e o n s t a n t l y
g e t t i n g l o s e r t o n o t h i n g <
9 8 n b e i n g a s k e d w h y I w a s i n t h e a r e a I s a i d I
h a d l o n g s t a n d i n g o n n e t i o n s w i t h i t a n d t h a t $ y
$ o t h e r h a d l i v e d i n n e a r b y * a s s e t t ; o a d w h e n I
w a s b o r n a n d h a d d i e d i n F a $ b r i d g e G a r d e n s
0 b o t h o f w h i h r u n o f f 3 a d b r o k e G r o v e w h e r e I
w a s s t o p p e d 1 . I a l s o p o i n t e d o u t t h a t $ y $ o t h e r
b e i n g f o u n d n a k e d a n d d e a d o n h e r b e d w i t h t h e
d o o r t o h e r b e d s i t o p e n a n d t h e l i g h t s o n h a d n ' t
b e e n o n s i d e r e d s u s p i i o u s b y t h e l o a l p o l i e , s o
I d i d n ' t r e a l l y s e e w h y $ e w a l k i n g o u t o f
3 a d b r o k e G r o v e t u b e s t a t i o n a p p e a r e d s u s p i i o u s
t o t h e $ . I w a s t h e n a s k e d w h e r e I w a s g o i n g a n d
s a i d 9 T h e W a r w i k 9 a n d w a s t o l d I o u l d g o (
a l t h o u g h a t u a l l y w h a t w a s t h e W a r w i k F a s t l e
and everyone still alls The Warwik has had the
na$e shortened to The Fastle and turned into
so$e sort of gastro night$are in an as yet
unsuessful atte$pt to lear out the deadbeats
who ongregate there. While the hange of deor
and shortening of the na$e hasn't got rid of us
yet, I'$ sure the prie inreases will... or polie
harass$ent. Fo$e to think of it ne!t ti$e I
arrange to $eet anyone in a pub I think I'll go to
a Weatherspoons on the other side of town....
,fter all at 22@ Westbourne 4ark ;oad opposite
The Warwik is an e&ually notorious tourist
attration, the site of the 9*lue 6oor9 in the fil$
"&otting ,ill" that led to the for$er residene of
the diretor ;ihard Furtis. In one of the fil$'s
endless low $o$ents %ugh Grant's Welsh
flat$ate appears there in his underpants. The
atual door was shipped to 6evon in 2000 after
being sold at Fhristie's for 5000. 3ikewise, the old
bill stopping $e on $y way to The Warwik under
the guise of 'preventing terroris$' is learly
o$plete and utter bolloks 'ust like the ;ihard
Furtis $ovie 9&otting ,ill"!9
This drew fro$ "ark / a bloke in his $id/forties
fro$ south 3ondon who generally responded to
$y blogs with witty one/liners the following story)
9 = e p . F o $ p l e t e a n d u t t e r b o l l o k s . % a p p e n e d t o
$ e a b o u t - y e a r s a g o , a n d I d i d a t u a l l y g e t
a r r e s t e d u n d e r t h e t e r r o r i s $ a t . W h a t h a p p e n e d
w a s t h a t I w a s p i s s e d , a n d I ' d g o t o n t h e w r o n g
t r a i n h o $ e t h a t w e n t $ i l e s i n t h e o p p o s i t e
d i r e t i o n 0 w h i h h a s a t u a l l y h a p p e n e d t o $ e a
f e w t i $ e s e $ b a r r a s s i n g l y , $ o s t r e e n t l y a b o u t a
y e a r a g o . . . . 1 I w o u l d ' v e g o t a a b b a k f r o $
F r o y d o n , b u t n o n e o f t h e s t r o p p y d r i v e r s w o u l d
t a k e s o $ e o n e a b i t w o b b l y o n t h e i r f e e t , a n d s o
o b v i o u s l y p i s s e d , s o t h e r e y a g o . # o a t r a i n i t
w a s , t h e r e w e r e s t i l l s o $ e r u n n i n g , t h o u g h t I
o u l d g e t o n e t o F r y s t a l 4 a l a e o r s o $ e t h i n g . G o t
o n a t r a i n , a n d a s s o o n a s t h e d o o r s s h u t , I
r e a l i s e d i t w a s f a s t t o G a t w i k . A u k . W e l l ,
G a t w i k s t a t i o n s e e $ e d l i k e a $ a ? e t r y i n g t o f i n d
y o u r w a y a r o u n d w h e n p i s s e d , I t e l l y o u . , n y w a y ,
a f t e r $ u h w a n d e r i n g a r o u n d p l a t f o r $ s s e e i n g
h o w t h e f u k I a n g e t b a k , I e v e n t u a l l y g e t
o l l a r e d b y a s o l i t a r y o p p e r i n u n i f o r $ w h o t e l l s
$ e I ' $ b e i n g p l a e d u n d e r a r r e s t u n d e r t h e
t e r r o r i s $ a t .
9 6 o n ' t r e $ e $ b e r a n y t h i n g a f t e r t h a t , I r e a l l y
d o n ' t . I $ u s t ' v e b l a k e d o u t , f a i n t e d o r
s o $ e t h i n g , I d o n ' t k n o w . 0 I w a s v e r y p i s s e d 1 3 a s t
t h i n g I r e $ e $ b e r i s b e i n g s e i ? e d b y t h e a r $ a n d
being esorted away. ,nyway, ne!t thing I know
it's dayti$e and I wake up fully lothed 0but
$inus 'aket and shoes1 in so$e private hospital
way out in the stiks in bloody Fhihester 0WTA:
That's -0 $iles away fro$ Frawley polie station,
where I was first taken to<1, like when The
Prisoner wakes up in The >illage for the first ti$e
or so$ething< ;eally fuking weird e!periene,
partiularly as the plae see$ed e$pty at first. I
find an unattended reeption desk, start shouting
9%ello:9 to no response for what see$ed like
bloody ages until eventually so$eone in harge
turns up. I'$ then told that I had 'tried to sale a
fene at Gatwik airport itself'< 0whih I was
absolutely nowhere near, inidentally.1 Auking
ludirous allegation, not only was I not anywhere
near any fenes, I was I2#I6. a bloody train
station, but seeing as I'$ arthriti in both knees
0and 'ust about $anage to walk unaided1, I
wouldn't even ,TT."4T to li$b any sodding
fene, anyway< In any ase, I was asking people
at the train station how I ould get %8"., so
W%= the fuk would I have tried to do T%,T:
9,nyway, after $uh pleading fro$ $e for the
ops to try and prove this o$plete and utter
bullshit, there wasn't any FFT> footage of this
a l l e g e d a t f o r t h o $ i n g , w h i h w a s n ' t a s u r p r i s e ,
s e e i n g a s i t n e v e r s o d d i n g h a p p e n e d i n t h e
s o d d i n g f i r s t p l a e < # o $ e f u k i n g b u l l s h i t w a n k e r
s t i t h / u p o p p e r t a k i n g a d v a n t a g e o f $ y s t a t e
a n d t r y i n g t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k g o o d t o h i s
b o s s e s o r s o $ e t h i n g , I a n o n l y g u e s s . 0 : 1 I n e v e r
d i d g e t $ y s h o e s b a k f r o $ t h e s w i n e e i t h e r , o r
t h e ' a k e t I w a s w e a r i n g . # u p p o s e t h e y t o o k
t h e $ a p a r t l o o k i n g f o r b o $ b s o r s o $ e t h i n g .
, n y w a y , I w a s n ' t h a r g e d w i t h a n y t h i n g o f a n y
k i n d , o r e v e n a u t i o n e d i n t h e e n d , a n d i t a l l g o t
& u i e t l y s w e p t u n d e r t h e a r p e t , e v e n t u a l l y . * u t
o n l y a f t e r t h e $ a s s i v e f u k i n g h e a d f u k
e ! p e r i e n e o f b e i n g i n u s t o d y t r y i n g t o p r o v e
$ y s e l f i n n o e n t t o p e o p l e w h o d i d n ' t w a n t t o
f u k i n g l i s t e n , t h o u g h . = e a h , s u p p o s e i t o u l d ' v e
b e e n $ u h w o r s e a n d i t o u l d ' v e b e e n a o p p e r
w i t h a g u n w h o w a n t e d t o $ a k e h i $ s e l f l o o k t h e
b i g ' h e r o ' t h e r e . . . , l l p r o b a b l y s o u n d s i n r e d i b l e ,
b u t a t r u e s t o r y , I k i d y o u n o t . T h e s h i t t i e s t t h i n g
t h a t ' s e v e r h a p p e n e d t o $ e . 9
W h i l e I i n ' e t e d p l e n t y o f h u $ o u r i n t o $ y b l o g s ,
w h a t I w a s d o i n g h a d a p o l i t i a l t h r u s t . I n r e d i b l y
$ y b l o g g i n g e f f o r t s w e r e n o t ' u s t r e o g n i s e d b u t
a l s o r e w a r d e d b y " y # p a e , s i n e w h e n t h e
p l a t f o r $ i n t r o d u e d a + D ' * l o g o f t h e W e e k '
feature in Aebruary 200B they $ade $ine the first
profile they endorsed through it. I knew fro$
other soures that "y#pae had been traking $y
ativities for so$e ti$e, sine the hits I was
getting had attrated the attention of their data
analysts. I got the i$pression they hadn't looked
at the atual ontent of the blogs too losely. In
so$e ways I found this odd beause the key to
reating a good blog is ontent. It was where a lot
of people fell down in their online ativities.
*loggers often appeared unable to $ove beyond
trivia to broader onerns, and $any postings
were badly written to boot( a little bit of rewriting
ould have $assively i$proved $any of the$.
Initially I'd wanted to pipe people off "y#pae
and onto $y own website
0Hwww.stewartho$esoiety.orgI1, but it &uikly
bea$e apparent this wasn't going to happen in
any big way. I wasn't doing badly on "y#pae but
the ontraditions of working in a web
environ$ent ontrolled by $edia $ogul ;upert
"urdoh eventually bea$e too $uh for $e.
Inreasingly I found o$$ents and other $aterial
deleted fro$ $y pages presu$ably beause it
was dee$ed offensive, and so$e of $y friends
had whole aounts deleted. Then early on @
" a r h 2 0 0 B I g o t a $ e s s a g e f r o $ " y # p a e ) 9 8 n
" a r h 1 0 t h , 2 0 0 B - + e r a t i o n M y S + a * e w i l l b r i n g
t h e t r o o p s i n D u w a i t a n d a l l o f " y # p a e a 3 I > .
s h o w i n D u l a b y t e % 6 t h a t t h e y ' l l n e v e r f o r g e t .
6 i s t u r b e d , 4 u s s y a t 6 o l l s , C e s s i a # i $ p s o n , A i l t e r ,
F a r l o s " e n i a , " e t a l # a n a ? , 6 C J / T r i p , 2 6 " 8 ; .
w i l l a l l b e a p a r t o f t h i s s p e t a u l a r e v e n t t h a t w i l l
b e s t r e a $ e d 3 I > . o n l y o n " y # p a e I t ' s 2 0 0 B
a n d t h e w o r l d h a s h a n g e d b u t o u r t r o o p s s t i l l
n e e d o u r s u p p o r t . 4 l e a s e d r o p b y a n d l e a v e a
s p e i a l $ e s s a g e f o r t h e t r o o p s 9 I t w a s o b v i o u s
" y # p a e w e r e n ' t i n t h e b u s i n e s s o f h e l p i n g $ e
d e l i v e r $ y p e r s o n a l $ e s s a g e t o t h e t r o o p s , w h i h
$ i g h t b e s u $ $ a r i s e d a s ) 9 A u k t h e a r $ y < T h e
o n l y g o o d s o l d i e r s a r e t h o s e w h o d e s e r t t a k i n g
t h e i r a r $ s w i t h t h e $ 9
# i n e I ' $ a g a i n s t i $ p e r i a l i s $ a n d o p p o s e r a i s t
s a d i s t s i n u n i f o r $ , I & u i k l y r e a h e d t h e
o n l u s i o n I w a n t e d t o d e l e t e $ y " y # p a e
a o u n t s . . . b u t b e f o r e d o i n g s o o n 1 0 " a r h 2 0 0 B
I t r i e d t o d i s u s s i t v i a a b l o g I p o s t e d o n @
" a r h . T h e f o l l o w i n g o $ $ e n t f r o $ F h r i s t o p h e r
2 o s n i b o r i s p r e t t y t y p i a l o f t h e r e a t i o n t o $ y
s u g g e s t i o n e v e r y o n e w h o o p p o s e d w a r s h o u l d g e t
o f f " y # p a e ) 9 A u k i n g h e l l , I ' $ i n l i n e d t o w a r d
b o y o t t i n g a n y s i t e t h a t h a s a n y t h i n g t o d o w i t h
the 4ussyat 6olls, never $ind the politial
agenda<... I boyott an awful lot / o$panies who
test on ani$als, use sweat shops, fund the *ush
ad$inistration, et., and tend to at upon $y
beliefs that the onsu$er should vote with their
wallet. *ut having one's voie heard is also
i$portant, whih is why I also try to $ake lear
preisely why I avoid ertain brands and so on.
"y#pae is a very good platfor$ for getting $y
views read. *+T / and here's the proble$ /
e!pressing dissent on "y#pae see$s to be
beo$ing inreasingly diffiult and the platfor$
appears to be beo$ing $ore adept at silening
the dissenters, one way or another...' 8ther
o$$ents pointed out the o$$erial benefits to
"y#pae of allying the$selves with soldiers)
9When push o$es to shove, a $ass/$arket
pheno$enon like "y#pae is going to go for
,pple 4ie and "otherhood every ti$e.9
I didn't and don't feel I need "yspae to get $y
voie heard. I went into "y#pae as a virtual
environ$ent with the intention of understanding
it and proving that I understood it by operating
suessfully within it. I did that, then I got off the
platfor$. When I'd finished with "y#pae I felt
like I wanted a break fro$ blogging. When I
s t a r t e d t o b l o g a g a i n I d i d s o w i t h W o r d 4 r e s s
s o f t w a r e t h a t I s t u k o n t o t h e b a k e n d o f $ y
o w n w e b s i t e . 2 o w I o n t r o l t h e h o r i ? o n t a l a n d I
o n t r o l t h e v e r t i a l , a n d I d o n ' t h a v e t o w o r r y
a b o u t ; u p e r t " u r d o h a n d h i s $ i n i o n s d e l e t i n g
$ a t e r i a l I ' v e p o s t e d b e a u s e t h e y d i s a g r e e w i t h
i t . A o r $ e t h i s i s t h e w a y f o r w a r d t o W e b 2 . 1 ,
r u n n i n g s o f t w a r e o n o u r o w n s i t e s t h a t a l l o w s
o t h e r s t o i n t e r a t w i t h u s o n l i n e .

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