A small group meeting is the art of blending different personalities into an expression of biblical community. The Over-Talker is the person who gives long 5-7 minute answers several times within a discussion segment. The Derailer never seems to answer the question you"re asking.
A small group meeting is the art of blending different personalities into an expression of biblical community. The Over-Talker is the person who gives long 5-7 minute answers several times within a discussion segment. The Derailer never seems to answer the question you"re asking.
A small group meeting is the art of blending different personalities into an expression of biblical community. The Over-Talker is the person who gives long 5-7 minute answers several times within a discussion segment. The Derailer never seems to answer the question you"re asking.
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Types and How to Bring Them Together by Andrew Mason What do you do when a person? Dot, dot, dot. As Small Groups Pastor, whats about to follow is a question about handling a certain type of personality during a small group meeting. Sometimes this dynamic can even be an excuse for a person NOT to host or lead a small group, but it doesnt need to be. For me, these types of situations bring a smile to my face because the fun thing about church, ministry and life is the unpredictability of working with people. Make no mistake about it either; small groups are all about working with people. A small group meeting is the art of blending different personalities into an expression of biblical community. Instead of being frustrated, fearful or nervous about doing the wrong thing, I think we should welcome these opportunities into our life because they will help us grow extremely fast and many of them will create memorable stories for years to come. In this article I want to layout seven common small group personalities that you will encounter in small group meetings along with some blending solutions (I shared many helpful hints in my Starter Kit article, 5 Facets of Facilitating with Finesse, which I will refer to). Hopefully, this will partially remove the fear of the unknown. As you read about each one just know that not only will you have these people in your small group eventually, but theres a little bit of you (in some cases a lot of you) in each of these personality traits, too. 1. The Over-Talker. This is the person who gives long 5-7 minute answers several times within a discussion segment. When they begin to answer a question everybody squints their eyes and tries to exert grace while they wonder, How long will they talk this time? We want to love this person but we also cannot allow them to dominate the conversation. For more on this, see my point on how toStay in Control in 5 Facets of Facilitating 2. The Derailer. This person never seems to answer the question youre asking. You ask the group to open up about their own lives and they begin to talk about the shortcomings of other Christians. You ask them what they think Jesus was saying in a certain passage and they share about what the Holy Spirit showed them in their morning prayer time. A believer who has a lot of Bible knowledge and likes to share their expertise can also derail things under the radar because they are talking about scripture. Again, we need to love this person but we cant let them control the meeting by taking everybody down their rabbit trails. See all five points under Manage Personalities in 5 Facets of Facilitating Posted by Andrew Mason in Facilitating A Meeting, Featured
What does peanut butter and jelly, salt and pepper and spaghetti and meatballs have to do with leading a small group? The same way those ingredients compliment each other is the same way a small group should compliment the Sunday services . Too much of a good thing is bad for recipes and the body of Christ. In a typical service there is corporate worship and preaching. People are sitting in rows together but not interacting much with each other. The potential for fellowship and personal connection is extremely low. This is sufficient as long as its not the churchs only expression. In order for small groups to compliment the weekend experience the small group leader needs to see him or herself as a facilitator when the group meets during the week. Being a facilitator means you need to be thinking about group process, not individual performance. A facilitator looks to get the group moving and then step back. They know when to intervene because things are getting off-track and they take responsibility for guiding the group in a way that synergy is created. Here are 5 Facets of Facilitating With Finesse 1. Dont teach or preach for the entire time. Its tempting for leaders with outgoing personalities to simply duplicate a church service when they lead a small group meeting, but its not the path to building community. I am a preacher by trade, but when I lead a small group I do not do the majority of the speaking, rather, the group does. For people who came up in the Lord through adult Sunday school classes this can be an unnatural paradigm shift. I still know lay leaders to this day who cant quite shake the itch to stand up in the group and talk the whole time. In order to be an effective facilitator you have to approach your meetings with the goal of engaging people and allowing them to contribute to the spiritual formation of the collective whole. 2. Lead With Questions. Instead of a teaching or sermon you should be preparing questions that take your group through a journey of discovery. I cover this in more detail in Small Group Discussion Questions That Go Deep. 3. Manage Personalities. Be prepared for people who are not accustomed to the format, meaning, they dont have a lot of experience with a healthy Bible-based small group. Heres a few tools to keep handy: Stay In Control: Dont let people take over and derail things. You are responsible for reinforcing the context of the group discussion. If you have to briefly interrupt someone, its okay. Say something like, John, I love what youre saying, but I want to give a chance for others to share too. (Note: If you lose control of the meeting because God is doing something powerful and spontaneous, then forget about everything I just typed here) Offer An Explanation Afterwards: If you have an unbeliever or new believer they may disagree or be confused about a certain principle being discussed. You can always offer to talk to them afterwards in order to keep the dialogue flowing. Make An Announcement: If I know there are people present at the small group who can talk for long periods of time I will say the following, Hey guys, were about to jump in to some group discussion. If you begin to share tonight, please limit your response to 2-3 minutes so everybody can have a chance to contribute. This establishes your expectations on the front-end. Hopefully, this will help people to be more self-aware when they interact in a few moments. Talk In Private: When all else fails, you might have to pull somebody aside in private and shoot straight with them in love. Specifically point out to them what they are doing that is counter-productive to the goals you have for the group meetings. 4. Be Real. As Galatians 6:7 teaches us, you will reap what you sow. As the small group leader, if you sow seeds of authenticity and transparency by demonstrating it to the group, you will reap a harvest of trust from them in return. Seriously, works every time. 5. Listen With Compassion. Make sure to pay attention to everything being shared. Listen with your eyes. Listen with your body language. Listen with your mouth closed. Most importantly, listen with your heart. Great listeners are great ministers. In conclusion, being an effective facilitator is all about getting your focus on others. Create a disposition that is ready to receive people and encourage them in the Lord. The combination of faith-filled corporate gatherings and small group community is lethal to the kingdom of darkness. 3. The Problem-Fixer. This person gives advice as soon as someone opens up and shares something theyre struggling with. They usually have good intentions, but the problem-fixer doesnt realize that theyre sub-consciously trying to make themselves feel better by giving everyone else the Sunday school answer to their problems. This can cause people in the group to shut down or create a medieval small group competition where everyone starts shining up their spiritual armor in front of each other. Making an announcement just before you start the group discussion can be a helpful reminder to everyone to be good listeners. A specific statement about this in a small group covenant can also be effective. We want small groups to be settings where people feel heard.
4. The Withdrawn Person. This person is very quiet and rarely responds to your questions. They use their powers of observation as a safety mechanism. While there is some wisdom in that approach, the withdrawn person also doesnt understand the value of their participation and how it will help them grow and connect. As the host or leader, dont be afraid to call on this person, especially during the icebreaker or on a safe question that is above the surface in nature. Also, know that the more you build relationship with the them outside of the meeting, the more comfortable they will feel responding to you during the meeting. 5. The Wrong-Answer Person. This person may be a new Christian or they dont know the Bible very well. It can be an awkward moment when a person goes on and on with a misinterpretation or a personal opinion that isnt biblical. The key is to let the group know youre not endorsing their view without making the wrong-answer person feel marginalized. See my point on Offer An Explanation Afterwards in 5 Facets of Facilitating 6. The Not-Yet Christian. This person is either checking out the Christian faith at your small group or they got coerced, forced and tricked by another Christian into coming. Their inexperience in this environment could make them a combination of any of the attributes previously listed. If theyre confused about what youre talking about you can always offer a more detailed explanation afterwards. Building relationship with them outside of the group meeting will help to lower any potential walls too. You might also consider giving an opportunity for people to receive Christ towards the end of the group meeting (I spell this out in detail in Leading A Person To Christ). By: Medical Jobs Posted by Andrew Mason in Discipling Group Members
If you notice a person in your small group that might not be right with God, you definitely want to give them an opportunity to receive Christ. This would be done towards the end of the meeting time as youre closing in prayer. After youve prayed for all of the prayer requests, announce that you are going to give everyone an opportunity to receive Christ as their Lord and Savior. The following is a sample of what you could say: With every head bowed and every eye closed, I want to give an opportunity for anybody who needs to get right with God and receive Jesus into their life as their Lord and Savior. Jesus Christ died for your sin and rose from the grave so you could go to Heaven after this life on earth. If youre not right with God and havent made Jesus the Lord of your life I want you to repeat this prayer after me. Lets all hold hands and pray this out loud together: Lord Jesus, forgive me of my sin and cleanse me of a guilty conscience. I turn from my old way of life and sin, and ask you to come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior. Thank you for dying for me and rising from the dead. I want to serve you from this day on and for the rest of my life. Amen. Now, as were holding hands with our eyes closed, if you prayed that and needed to pray it, I want you to squeeze the hand of the person next to youPraise God! If you squeezed a hand or felt your hand squeezed, please let me know after we dismiss. Id love to congratulate you and talk to you about what just happened. When you talk to those who received Christ, make sure they understand the cross and forgiveness. Make sure they know that theyre in Christ now and God loves them and wants to help them everyday. Talk to them about the importance of water baptism, praying, and reading the Bible everyday. If theyve never read the Bible, the book of John is a great place for them to start. Inform them of the opportunities available for them at your church to grow and mature in Christ. Last, but not least, let them know if they have any questions or struggles that you are here for them as a small group leader and they dont have to feel alone. Are you believing to see people come to know Christ at your next small group meeting?
7. The Listening Contributor. Ahhhh.take a deep breath and then breathe a sigh of relief because this is someone you dont have to think too hard about. This is a person who pays attention and listens thoughtfully. Their responses advance and deepen the dialogue but are concise enough that others can participate too. First of all, youre probably going to need at least 3 or 4 of these people in your group for it to have some sustainability (and personal sanity). Secondly, for in- depth questions or to get a conversation back on its tracks, you may call on them first when asking a new question. Lastly, if they arent already an assistant leader you may want to start talking to them about the possibility. As I mentioned several times, our goal is to love everybody with the love of Christ. None of these types of people are BAD people. In fact, God is going to use these people to help you learn about your own flaws, lack of patience and selfishness. If everyone in your group were a listening contributor, how would that help you grow in loving people more? As I said before, working with people can be stressful, frustrating, scary as well as one of the most fulfilling and memorable things you can do. Are there other personalities that come to mind as you read this? Got any blending ideas? Feel free to share them below Andrew Mason is the Small Groups Pastor of Real Life Church, a family of churches across the Northern CA region. He oversees Small Groups, Discipleship Ministries and Assimilation. He is Founder of SmallGroupChurches.com
An online community of leaders dedicated to growing churches one small group at a time. Andrew resides in Sacramento, CA with his wife Camille and their son.