Contents

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EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Todd Morehead
todd@columbiacitypaper.com

ARTS EDITOR Judit Trunkos

jtrunkos@columbiacitypaper.com

News.Politics.Commentary. COLATHEATER.COM
S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals
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<=*=.18><. ;.98;= 8>; 5.*-.;< 7..- * 95*7 " MUSIC
9852=2,< =1. ;2<. 8/ =1. ;*-2,*5 ;201=  Shelby Sachs, Kingsley Waring
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,85*=1.*=.;,86 ;.?2.@ 8/ ;.7= 2< 87 =1. @.+ 90  PUBLISHER
Paul Blake

Arts.Entertainment.Etc.
paul@columbiacitypaper.com

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES
James Wallace

+*,*;-2 <8>7-+8*;- 9>7427-2..68<4*1*;-,8;.6.=*5;8,4  CONTRIBUTORS

?8,*5 +88=1 <7889 -;89< * 7.@ *5+>6  S.M. Baleem, Andy Brack, Garrett Kellerhals, Ismail
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*<4 * 6.A2,*7  Dan Savage, Kingsley Waring, Baynard Woods
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387.<27 ,;8<<@8;-< ! COLUMBIA CITY PAPER
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90  Columbia, SC 29201
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CHARLESTON
Former General Assembly Politicos Wed
Former state senator Catherine Ceips
(R-Beaufort) and former Republican state
representative Wallace Scarborough were
married in a private ceremony at Ceips’
home in Beaufort last week, according to
the Hilton Head Island Packet.
In 2006, Columbia City Paper
columnist Will Moredock broke the story
that Scarborough’s then-wife had alleged
her husband and Ceips were having an
affair while serving in office.
Ceips served in the state House of
Representatives from 2002 to 2007 before
she won a special election to fill a state
senate seat vacated by Scott Richardson.
She lost a full-term bid for the seat in
the 2008 election. Scarborough served the
General Assembly from 2001 to 2007.
The couple has not commented to the
media about their wedding at press time.
The scoop (and the cover) that made us
infamous in South Carolina.
Vote Concedes County to Feral Cats
Charleston County Council has approved
a controversial program that lets feral cats
roam. The ordinance would let the animals
weeks old. The teen was charged with in a federal court
desecration of human remains. and are awaiting
sentencing.
Woman Arrested Over Hot Dog Thomas Blue
A Charleston woman found herself in Sr., 49, Thomas
hot water after she allegedly made a hot dog Blue Jr., 28, and
at a Myrtle Beach area Circle K, offered to Judson Talbert,
pay it for it later and then threw it in the 35, pleaded guilty Shameful, Florence!
trash after the clerk declined her request. in a Florence
The woman told responding officers federal court to civil rights and carjacking
that she threw the hot dog away because charges, after they attacked Dahndra Moore
it didn’t taste good. She was later charged when he stopped at the Stop and Shop on
with shoplifting. The hot dog was valued at Dec. 6, 2007. The store was owned by the
$1.41, according to one media report. Blue family.
According to reports, the elder Blue
escorted Moore to the parking lot and threw
him to the ground when he tried to use the
restroom. The younger Blue threatened
Moore with a chainsaw while Talbert stole
Moore’s car, drove it away and burned it.
Moore was able to run down the road and
escape into a nearby home.
ROCK HILL
have free reign over the countryside as long PETA Angered Over Chimp Show
as they are vaccinated, microchipped and People for the Ethical Treatment
spayed or neutered. of Animals called on the Rock Hill
Animal welfare groups say the program Christmasville show to disallow a travelling
could save the county more than $40,000 chimpanzee show from participating. The
in costs associated with euthanizing and animal rights group claims that chimps
incinerating the cats. The county did, generally undergo harsh treatment during
however, impose a kitty death penalty for training process. The show went on as
trouble-making cats that are captured more scheduled.
than twice. The Christmasville show, which was
“It’s a three-strikes-and-you’re-out billed a “Chimpfabulous,” featured chimps
thing,” Charleston County Councilman doing various stunts. A chimp named Rickey
Pay ya later!
Elliott Summey told the Charleston Post reportedly rode a scooter and later wore
and Courier. “It’s not going to get picked a pair of sunglasses while lip-synching a
up again unless it’s causing problems.” GREENVILLE Stevie Wonder song. Another chimp named
Some area birdwatchers and naturalists Kenya, 35, was reportedly dressed like a
expressed concern that free-roaming Cross-dressing Man: I’m a Cop! cowboy and rode around on a small horse.
packs of cats would negatively affect bird Greenville Police arrested a man they The city of Rock Hill defended its
populations. But a representative for the say was dressed as a woman. The man choice to use the chimps in their Christmas
American Society for the Prevention of claimed to be an event.
Cruelty to Animals says the program will undercover officer “We research very carefully any vendors
reduce cat numbers in the long term. and was attempting that we allow in city events,” city of Rock
“Lets say I’m driving down Dorchester to arrest patrons at Hill spokeswoman Lyn Garris told the
Road and I see a bunch of cats at a dumpster Haywood Mall. Rock Hill Herald. “It’s an honorable group
by a convenience store,” Joe Elmore, an According to of people. The animals are well treated.
ASPCA spokesman, hypothesized to the a police report, We’re comfortable that we’ve made a good
Post and Courier. “If you ... euthanize them, David Lee Burton, decision.”
other cats will come in and breed and take 45, told officers
their place.” that he comes
By sterilizing and vaccinating them to the mall on
instead, the cats could defend their dumpster Wednesdays and
or other food sources from rival cat gangs Fridays dressed in
Burton women’s clothing.
that would’ve otherwise simply taken over
their turf. Eventually the untreated cats Police were called
would likely get sick and die, Elmore said. to the scene when shoppers complained that
Burton approached them, saying he was
MYRTLE BEACH an undercover officer with the Greenville
Sheriff’s Department.
Burton, who denied the allegations,
Skeletal remains of fetus found was charged with impersonating a law
A 16-yr-old girl has been arrested after enforcement officer and trespass notice
her mother found the skeletal remains of a served.
fetus and called authorities.
According to multiple media reports, the FLORENCE
teen’s mother saw photos of the dead fetus
on her daughter’s cell phone, recognized Three Charged in 2007 Civil Rights Case
the background location, and retrieved the
Three white men who threatened a black
remains. The woman then notified police. man for trying to use the restroom in a
A Horry County deputy coroner determined Marlboro County store have pleaded guilty Chimpfabulous!
that the fetus was stillborn at less than 20
-.,.6+.;   " 3
IMAGES OF CHRISTMAS Letters to the Reader
BY TODD MOREHEAD
We’ve gotten comments –some good,
some not so good—about our holiday
themed cover art over the years. Last issue
we ran a photo of Jesus squaring off nose-to-
nose with Santa to tie into the theme of our
liberal/conservative gift list and to illustrate
the dichotomy of the holiday itself. Of those
readers to whom I’ve spoken, none seemed
more affected than a young boy at the West
Metro Parade of Lights in West Columbia.
He actually had Christmas issues from the
last two years stuffed into his jacket pockets.
City Paper, it seemed, had driven the little
guy to a crossroads.
I was on my third doughnut when I saw
him standing nearby and staring down at a
crumpled copy of the December 3 edition.
The boy, slight for his age, had a shock of
thin brown hair that had been mussed, I
assumed, by the Spider Man toboggan he
had tucked under his arm. His large brown
eyes seemed to be transfixed on the cover
image and his lips worked silently while he
tried to make out the words.
“Hey, little fella,” I said walking up to
him. “Where’d you find that?”
Without looking up, he cocked a
mittened thumb over his shoulder to the
dumpster behind Zesto. I noticed, then, that
he also had the December 3, 2008 edition
rolled up and hanging out of his jacket
pocket. Even partially hidden, I recognized
the cover illustration of a brutalized Santa
Claus hanging from a cross.
“Wow, kid, you must be a fan.”
“Not really. My dad says these guys
hate Jesus.” He wiped his nose on his jacket
sleeve. “Santa Claus, too.”
“Actually, I think that image was
supposed to represent the ailing American
construct of Christmas in this bleak economic
landscape; an ode to modern capitalism, if
you will.”
He shrugged. I noticed that he had a
small piece of notebook paper in his other
mitten and when I squinted at it I made out
a few items listed in green crayon. It was
his Christmas list! He had written in big red
letters that he hoped Santa visited him this
year, because he didn’t come last year.
Before I could comment on the list, a
youth group from a local Pentecostal church
began to sing carols from the bed of a pickup
truck. One caroler started to toss candy
canes toward us, but I waved her away. The
boy ignored the float, too. I followed his
4 -.,.6+.;   "
gaze to a small terrier that was wagging his
Dear Internet comment boards, called to heaven (or possibly the other
whole back end and tugging playfully on a
bright red leash, while a little girl laughed Does the web really need you place). Assuming the former, we can only
gaily and fed it bits from her cookie. The anymore? To be frank, who really cares hope that he now sits at the right hand of
little boy’s eyes lingered on the dog and an what the average asshole thinks about the 900-foot-tall Jesus that commanded
expression of familiarity and recent grief any given post? Inevitably, “godawgs75” him to solicit millions from viewers to
seemed to pass across his face. He pulled gets into it with “harleyguy ” over some build a skyscraper in Tulsa. Doctors said
out the bloodied image of Santa begging trifle completely unrelated to the thread. he succumbed to complications from
for death from the cover of City Paper and Next thing you know, the dreg types who pneumonia, but, c’mon, Oral Roberts
stared at it for a long moment. get off on “Jersey Shore” have taken over claimed to have raised a little kid from the
“Mister?” he asked finally, tugging –checking back on each other’s reply dead and said he held regular chats with
on my pant leg. “Do you think Santa is in comments, which is even more pathetic— the omnipotent creator of the universe.
heaven with my dog Patches?” and at the end of the day it just ends up And, you’re telling me he can’t shake
“Nah. Dogs don’t go to heaven, silly.” hogging the site’s hard earned bandwidth. pneumonia? We all know it was really
I got down on one knee, took the Maybe someone out there should just the economy. Remember back in the 80s
toboggan from under his arm and pulled it start Argue.com. Post a random daily when he said God would “call him home”
onto his head to keep his ears warm. opinion sentence and let commenters if he didn’t raise $8 million and everyone
“Listen,” I said, “You know how your interface with a state-of-the-art comment freaked out and sent him $9 million just to
grandma has been asleep in the hospital for
board that allows them to forge alliances be safe? ...Looks like he just didn’t meet
a few months with the beeping machines and
tubes? Santa’s kind of like that right now.” with other users, more conveniently start his quota this year.
“Oh.” The boy’s voice cracked and his and track sub-arguments, deploy a whole Columbia City Paper
bottom lip began to tremble. He looked range of sociopathic emoticons, and keep
away toward the parade to gather himself. up with rival replies from various theaters Dear Snuggies,
After a moment, he looked up and his eyes of battle. Supplement it with an iPhone or My wife and I were so bored with our
were filled with tears. Drone app and bitter housewives can take “Bombay Harlot Seduces Imperial British
“I only did one bad thing this year, out their aggressions in anonymity from Officer” lovemaking fantasy that it began
mister, I swear! I – I thought maybe it would anywhere. And, more importantly, spare to affect our sex life. But, we packed
make Santa mad at me again.” The boy’s the rest of us. away the sarong and my white powdered
eyes widened and he seemed to physically Columbia City Paper wig and riding boots, bought a couple of
stoop under the weight of some dawning, Snuggies and have been happily playing
unnamed horror. “Do... do you think because Dear televangelism fans, “Fallen Monks” ever since. Just wanted to
of me?” He brought a mitten up to his mouth Sadly, one of the founding fathers say thanks for such a wonderful product!
and gaped at the mutilated image of Santa.
of televangelism, Oral Roberts, has been Columbia City Paper
“Did I do this to Santa?”
“Come on, kid.” I took a bite of doughnut
and stared out at the street. “Don’t beat
yourself up over it.”
A passing fire engine blared its horn
and I thought I heard the Shriner mini cars
buzzing in the distance. I needed another nip
from the flask in the porta john to properly
enjoy them.
“You should, uh, run along now, kid.
And find yourself a good spot. You don’t
want to miss Andre Bauer do you? I hear
they’re gonna have him propped up in the
back of a convertible.”
“Whoopee,” he said flatly.
He hung his head, turned without a
word, took a few steps and stopped with his
back to me. Silhouetted against the glow of
twinkling lights, he looked like a North Pole
elf who’d been around the block one too
many times. He seemed to gather himself to
turn and ask another question but it never
came. After a moment he let the Christmas
list fall from his hand. It fluttered briefly on
the curb amid the glitter and confetti and
then it dropped silently between the grates
of a sewer drain. Once it had drifted out of
sight, the boy walked away without looking
back at the parade.
I watched him make his way past the
brightly lit snowflakes and candy canes
hanging from the telephone poles, the smell
of hot cocoa wafting on the breeze. He kicked
a trash can near the corner, then shuffled
past laughing families lining the sidewalk,
the copy of City Paper still clutched tightly
in his little fist.
I sighed at the image and smiled. Man, I
love Christmas.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
-.,.6+.;   " 5
 The Impossible War
Obama commits more troops to Afghanistan — with the wrong strategy
BARAKI BARAK, Afghanistan—The soldiers from Able Troop knew the attack was coming. Not only
had they received several ominous warnings from some sympathetic local farmers in this agricultural
district 50 miles south of Kabul, in mountainous central Afghanistan — they could also feel it in their
bones. Some Afghan towns, on some nights, practically seethe with potential violence.
Oct. 21 was such a night.
Staff Sgt. Ashley Hess, a toothy, heavy-
smoking man, had first felt the building
tension six days prior. “Let’s go get blown
up,” he’d muttered as he strapped himself
into the passenger’s side of his eight-seat
armored vehicle, while preparing for a
reconnaissance mission to the outskirts of
Baraki Barak. Hess’ feeling was right — it
was his timing that was off. Hess’ patrol
returned to base unscathed. It was a separate
patrol on the 21st that found itself caught in
the literal and figurative crossfire of the now
eight-year-old Afghanistan war.
It was a war launched with the clearest of
objectives: to hunt down the men responsible
for the Sept. 11, 2001 terror attacks in New
York, Washington, D.C. and Pennsylvania,
and to disrupt their group’s ability to plan
further attacks. In the beginning, the U.S.-
led invasion of Afghanistan was clearly
focused on Al Qaeda — although, at the
time, that meant also disrupting the Taliban,
the Islamic regime that had harbored the
terror group.
But then something happened. Al Qaeda
all but disappeared from Afghanistan, fleeing
into neighboring Pakistan, where vast swaths
of the country are under the control of the
Taliban’s Pakistani branch. The Taliban,
too, melted into the Afghan countryside, its
ranks depleted and its leaders under constant
threat of assassination by U.S. commandos
and drone aircraft.
A couple years after the first company
of U.S. Marines leaped out of their assault
helicopters at a former hunting lodge outside
the southern city of Kandahar, in November
2001, we had effectively won the war in
Afghanistan. Al Qaeda no longer used the
country as a base in any meaningful way.
The Taliban, once a functioning government,
had been reduced to a guerilla movement,
albeit a highly deadly one. “The extremists
have lost sanctuaries and popular support
in Afghanistan,” then-Secretary of Defense
Donald Rumsfeld wrote in 2005.
Still, we stayed. Worse, we dug in deeper,
steadily adding troops, building new bases
and pressuring our NATO allies to expand
6 -.,.6+.;   "
Story and Photographs by David Axe
Staff Sgt. Ashley Hess from Able Troop prepares for combat in Logar on Oct. 15. 2009.
their own commitments to a now aimless
war effort that, to date, has claimed the
lives of more than 1,500 coalition soldiers.
In the absence of clear enemy, our goals in
Afghanistan shifted. No longer were we just
finding and killing terrorists. From late 2002
on, we drifted into nation-building, laboring
to establish a Western-style democracy in
a vast, rugged country of poor, illiterate,
xenophobic and corrupt people.
Pentagon officials tried to link counter-
terrorism and nation-building, as though
the two were obviously the same thing.
“Democracy is the opposite end to the
[traditional Islamic] Caliphate, which is
what Al Qaeda is trying to establish,” one
unnamed military official said in a 2006
news release, implying that justified the
effort.
But nation-building rarely works,
especially at the barrel of a gun.
Afghanistan, one of the world’s most
corrupt, fractured countries, is particularly
resistant to external reform. Nevertheless,
eight years into the war the U.S. military is
trying to persuade Afghans to act like ideal
Americans — obeying laws, voting in free
elections, respecting human rights and due
process — all in pursuit of the unproven
theory that representative democracy can be
forcibly exported to corrupt, non-democratic
societies, and that that democracy is the only
way to truly suppress terrorism.
That conflation of counter-terrorism
and nation-building lies at the heart of U.S.
President Barack Obama’s decision to add
30,000 troops to the current force of more
than 60,000, and to pressure NATO allies
to add as many as 7,000 to their combined
30,000-strong Afghan contingents. The
reinforcements “will help create the
conditions for the United States to transfer
responsibility to the Afghans,” Obama said
as he announced his decision, in a speech at
the U.S. Army’s Military Academy in West
Point, New York, on Dec. 1.
But everyday Afghans have a say in
the direction their society takes. And in
a contested, fraudulent election this fall
and with innumerable smaller acts of
corruption, Afghans have said a resounding
“no” to democracy. For that reason, the
U.S. war effort is doomed. Deploying tens
of thousands of extra troops in a failed
bid to reform an entire society just means
putting tens of thousands of extra troops
in the cross-hairs of the tattered remnants
of Al Qaeda and the Taliban, which fight
on despite their serious setbacks. Not to
mention, the reinforcements will cost $1
million per person per year, according to the
White House’s Office of Management and
Budget — this during the worst economic
crisis this nation has suffered in nearly 100
years.
“Winning” in Afghanistan does not
mean reforming Afghan society. Winning
means disrupting terrorists, and that does not
require nation-building. We must get back
to our original and realistic war goals, and
bring home the tens of thousands of soldiers
currently laboring to export democracy to an
Afghanistan that wants nothing to do with
it. Until we do, our soldiers are fighting, and
sometimes dying, for nothing.
Back in Baraki Barak on Oct. 21, the
ambush began with a chest-thumping
boom. A bomb, buried in the middle of a
dirt road, exploded underneath one of Able
Troop’s vehicles. The blast shattered the
truck’s front half; the soldiers inside were
miraculously unhurt. Taliban fighters hiding
in a tree-line opened fire with AK-47s and
Rocket-Propelled Grenades, peppering the
now-stalled American convoy.
The Americans fired back. For 20
minutes, fields burned, cows died from stray
bullets and walls and canals collapsed amid
the fighting. The Americans had come to
Baraki Barak to build a democracy, but that
had proved impossible. That night, it was
all they could do just to stay alive, pinned
down as much by the U.S. government’s
fundamentally-flawed nation-building
strategy as by the Taliban’s bombs, guns
and rockets.
There would be a deeply ironic coda to
Able Troop’s October battle. In the hours
after Obama’s West Point announcement,
the top officer for Afghanistan, U.S.

Able Company Capt. Paul Shepard interviews Afghans at a mosque in Baraki
Barak on Oct. 18, 2009.
Army Gen. Stan McChrystal, held a press
conference where he highlighted examples
of success in Afghanistan — models for the
way the war would be waged, from now on.
His major example: Baraki Barak.
“Some months ago it was almost under
complete insurgent control,” McChrystal
said of the district. “Now with a partnership
between coalition forces, Afghan forces
and local government and some smart
counter-insurgency techniques, some
reinforcement of local leadership, violence
is down something like 80 percent and it is
all because we link up and partner and we
make it work.”
A closer look at Baraki Barak
undermines McChrystal’s claims, and
challenges the Obama Administration’s
assumptions regarding the Afghanistan
war. Baraki Barak is less an example of
gradual progress towards a democratic,
peaceful Afghanistan, and more an
example of the depth and permanence of
a traditional Afghan society that rejects
Western-style democracy, and will not
mold itself to Obama’s notion of “success”
in Afghanistan, no matter how many troops
we send in.
A Tale of Three Districts
A year ago, there were just 100
Americans in all of Logar, just south of
Kabul. One of Afghanistan’s 34 provinces,
Logar is home to an estimated half a million
people and, with its fertile soil irrigated by
the Logar River and by snow melt streaming
down the mountains, is one of the country’s
major bread baskets. Looking down from
the mountains on a fall day, you can see
heaps of orange corn drying on rooftops.
THAT’S A HUNDRED THOUSAND, MOSTLY YOUNG
AMERICANS, WHO LIKE ABLE TROOP MUST CONTINUE
ABSORBING TALIBAN BOMBS AND BULLETS, AS THEY
LABOR TOWARDS AN IMPOSSIBLE GOAL.
At the time, the 100 Americans occupied
a fortified hilltop compound that once
belonged to a Turkish gravel manufacturer.
They represented an insignificant force,
especially considering Logar’s role in
a previous war. The province was the
site of one of the bloodiest battles of the
Soviet occupation in the 1980s. A Soviet
formation of some 400 vehicles was cut off
in Logar’s southernmost Kherwar district
— a natural “bowl” ringed by mountains
and accessible by a single narrow road
— and systematically destroyed by U.S.-
funded mujahideen fighters.
Many of Logar’s so-called “muj” would
eventually join the Taliban and turn their
weapons against their own former patrons,
the Americans. U.S. officers were worried
that sending more soldiers to Logar, on top
of the original 100, might doom them to the
same bloody fate that befell the Soviets.
For years, however, the issue was moot,
for there simply weren’t enough Americans
in Afghanistan for every province to have
its own large contingent. Then, as one of
his first acts as president, Obama ordered
an extra 17,000 U.S. troops to Afghanistan,
boosting the occupying army to a new high
of around 60,000. Several thousand of those
reinforcements made their way to Logar.
They initially avoided Kherwar and its
deadly “bowl,” instead setting up at a former
Soviet prison in Baraki Barak, a northern
district that intelligence reports indicated
would be friendlier towards foreigners. The
Americans beefed up the prison’s defenses
and replaced a wall still bearing hundreds
of bullet holes from a mass execution of
Afghan prisoners in the ‘80s. Baraki Barak
would be the wedge for gradually inserting
more forces into Logar.
The Pentagon had big plans for Logar.
The province would be a test case for a
new phase of the Afghan war — Obama’s
phase — characterized by more troops,
more resources and a more determined
push to reform Afghan society. Lt. Col.
Thomas Gukeisen, the gruff, bulldog-
faced commander of U.S. forces in Logar,
including Able Troop, named the campaign
for the province after a popular American
reality show in which producers descend
on a needy family and pay to refurbish
and improve the family’s home. “It’s my
‘Extreme Makeover: Afghanistan Edition,’”
Gukeisen said. He was seemingly unaware
that many makeover recipients on the reality
show end up losing their “new” homes,
when they discover they can’t afford higher
taxes and upkeep. The makeovers are often
illusory.
Gukeisen’s soldiers identified the
villages and neighborhoods that were safest
for Americans, and began offering small
reconstruction projects to the local elders.
Marginal communities that wanted their
own projects had to rally against the local
Taliban, and other criminal and insurgent
elements, before the Americans would help
them, too. All it took to active the American
projects was for someone to hand over
to the Army a list of names of known
Taliban. Or, the Afghans could detain the
Taliban themselves. It was an approach that
hinged on creating what Gukeisen called
“dislocated envy” between villages. “It
gives us the carrot and the stick,” Gukeisen
said.
In this way, the Americans spent nearly
a million dollars in Logar in just over
six months time in mid 2009. Projects
included new public toilets; paint, carpet
and new loudspeakers for mosques; and
greenhouses for growing winter crops.
Gukeisen’s intelligence agents kept an eye
on the toilets. Based on growing traffic
at the latrines, the agents estimated that
Baraki Barak’s population nearly doubled
in 2009, as more and more villages signed
onto Gukeisen’s plan and thousands of war
refugees returned home.
That, plus some high-profile Taliban
arrests and the reported 80-percent decline
in insurgent attacks, told Gukeisen that
his strategy was working. Gukeisen told
McChrystal. McChrystal told his boss,
Gen. David Petraeus. Petraeus surely told
the president. Word circulated that Logar,
and Baraki Barak in particular, was a
worthy model for the whole war effort.
A legion of senior officers, think-tank
analysts and reporters descended on Logar
to see for themselves.
In October, hawkish historian and
analyst Max Boot — a mousy, bespectacled
man — landed in a Blackhawk helicopter,
and spent the day chatting with Gukeisen
and Capt. Paul Shepard, one of Gukeisen’s
subordinates. Gukeisen sketched out
ambitious plans to extend his influence
across Baraki Barak, into neighboring
Cherkh district and ultimately into the
feared Kherwar district. As Gukeisen saw
it, he would gradually change Afghans’
attitudes about the U.S. and their own
government. The strategy, Gukeisen said,
is about “changing human behavior.”
For all of Gukeisen’s optimism, there
are cracks just under the surface of the
so-called Extreme Makeover: Afghanistan
Edition. Local improvements in Baraki
Barak are immediate reactions to the
larger American presence and the influx of
American money. But when the Americans
leave, as they eventually must, the villages
will surely back-slide — for there has been
no commensurate improvement inside the
Afghan government that might maintain the
province’s forward progress. Gukeisen’s
strategy amounts to a band-aid on a festing
wound. Only internal improvements can
heal the wound.
So the question is, is the Afghan
government in Baraki Barak making any
effort at all to truly govern the place? Or is
it business as usual in a country that hasn’t
had effective centralized rule in centuries?
The Sub Gov
The Americans call him by his
nickname, “Sub Gov.” Baraki Barak Sub-
Governor Mohamed Yasin Ludeen, a
deeply tanned man with a carefully trimmed
moustache and a sharp, distinctive nose, is
the top government official for the more
than 100,000 farmers, herders and their
families that live in Baraki Barak’s lush
valley. Ludeen was appointed, not elected.
His uncle is the provincial governor — in
other words, Ludeen’s theoretical boss, in a
country where hierarchy is considered very
important, but rarely actually works.
Ludeen, and the district governments
he represents, is key to building a peaceful,
Western-style democracy. In a lawful
democracy like ours, local government
provides essential basic services, without
which people might resort to violence
in order to care for themselves and their
Able Troop patrols past a marijuana field
in Baraki Barak on Oct. 21, 2009.
families. Local government also serves as a
bridge to higher levels of government, all the
way to the national level. In the U.S., layers
of government and society are connected
by innumerable links: voting, paying taxes,
phoning in tips to police, traveling between
jurisdictions on roads maintained by one
layer of government or another — these are
all links for everyday people. Our networks
Continued on Page 8
-.,.6+.;   " 7
Continued from Page 7
of local, state and federal laws — and the
taxes, grants and police assistance flowing
in all directions — are links between layers
of governments.
These links do not exist in Afghanistan.
Government does not interact with the
people, except to extort them. Government
provides essentially no services. The people
do not support the government with taxes,
because they do not respect the government
— nor need it in their daily lives. They
don’t follow written laws. They may not
even be aware of the law, because the
government has never tried to educate them.
In the vast spaces between the people and
“their” government, the Taliban, Al Qaeda
and criminal gangs have ample space to
hide. People accept the bad guys’ presence
because there’s no way to get rid of them
or because they’re no more offensive than
the occasional, corrupt Afghan National
Army patrol that comes through and steals
everyone’s valuables.
Ron Barkley, a tall, soft-spoken State
Department official, is all too aware of
Afghanistan’s lack of good governance.
Barkley is the State’s Department’s top
advisor to the U.S. Army in Baraki Barak.
“It doesn’t multiply,” Barkley said of the
Army’s reform efforts in the district. “It stays
in one little area.” What he was describing
is a society that lacks all the links that we, as
Americans, take for granted.
“What we’re trying do is to take the Sub
Gov” — that is, Ludeen and his government
— “and expand out to other villages,”
Barkley added. “Let’s expand up from the
district. From the district to the province.
That’s where we’re going to make our
money. That’s where people are going to
see their government doing something.”
And that, in turn, would reinforce those
new links that would, eventually, result in
An Able Troop soldier patrols Baraki Barak on Oct. 23, 2009.
8 -.,.6+.;   "
an American democracy in the mountains
of Afghanistan. Terrorists and radical
Islamists would be anathema. Peace would
reign. And the U.S. and NATO could leave
Afghanistan, job well done.
Too bad that’ll never happen. Ludeen
is supposed to be the solution to Baraki
Barak’s lack of governance. But he’s
actually part of the problem. Ludeen, like
practically all Afghan officials, seems to see
a government post not as an opportunity for
public service, but as a way of lining his own
pockets. When the U.S. Army first moved
into Baraki Barak, Ludeen — who doesn’t
even live in Baraki Barak, rather drives in
from Kabul several days a week — helped
arrange the contract to provide gravel for
the Army’s main base. In return, Ludeen
demanded, and received, a roughly $20,000
kickback, according to an Army source.
Not that he doesn’t talk a great talk.
“There’s not one good almond in the
bunch,” Ludeen said through an interpreter,
when Boot asked the Sub Gov about Afghan
President Hamid Karzai’s cabinet.
“So how should we root out corruption
in Afghanistan?” Boot asked.
“Impossible,” Ludeen said. “There’s just
one way to get rid of corruption. You’ve got
to get rid of the current cabinet. Change all
of them. Bring in fresh views.”
As guilty as he is, Ludeen was not wrong:
corruption is endemic to Afghan society. It
was just four months ago that incumbent
president Karzai rigged the country’s
presidential election. He got caught by a
U.N. watchdog group and ordered to repeat
the vote. But when his sole challenger
dropped out, Karzai won anyway.
Earlier, a paramilitary force established
to help NATO patrol outlying provinces
had to be scrapped soon after its creation,
because the militiamen were supplementing
their $70-a-month incomes by shaking
Baraki Barak district sub governor Mohamed Yasin Ludeen on Oct. 18, 2009.
down Afghan motorists. In Kabul, mini-bus
drivers must bribe traffic cops just to pass
through key intersections.
In Kandahar, in the south, the commander
of the local Afghan air force wing, Brig.
Gen. Abdul Raziq Sherzai, is related to the
provincial governor, who is allegedly also
the major player in the drug trade. The
Sherzai family owns one of the region’s
biggest construction companies, and Brig.
Gen. Sherzai is suspected of using air force
helicopters for company business — and for
smuggling, as well.
“Corruption in Afghanistan is endemic,”
Kai Eide, the U.N.’s Special Representative
for Afghanistan, said last year. The nonprofit
group Integrity Watch Afghanistan estimated
that the typical Afghan family pays a third of
its income in bribes; the value of all bribery
in the country runs to half the roughly $500-
million internationally-funded development
budget, the group asserted.
You can’t get rid of corruption in
Afghanistan, because everyone is corrupt.
As long as that is true, “Afghan governance”
will remain a contradiction in terms, and
military-led efforts to build connections
between layers of Afghan society will
fail. Local development work, like that
Gukeisen’s troops are doing, will work only
as long as the Americans remain. If we are
in Afghanistan to build a nation, then we
will be in Afghanistan forever.
Another Way
Remember that building a democratic
Afghanistan was not our original goal. The
goal was disrupting Al Qaeda. For that,
there is a cheaper, less bloody way.
Within weeks of the Sept. 11 attacks, U.S.
Special Forces dropped into Afghanistan
and, with the support of the CIA and the
Air Force, mobilized sympathetic Afghans
— and paid off many hold-outs — to fight
back against the Taliban and Al Qaeda. In
northern Afghanistan, just a few dozen
Americans and their local allies defeated a
25,000-strong Taliban army.
All over the world, small numbers of
American commandos, with a big boost
from the growing fleet of inexpensive, armed
drone aircraft, have managed to keep terror
groups off-kilter by way of precision raids.
In 2008 alone, drone strikes picked off as
many as 80 Al-Qaeda operatives hiding out
in Pakistan. A lightning-fast commando raid
in Somalia in September killed a Kenyan
man suspected of orchestrating several
terror bombings.
Victory in Afghanistan does not mean
leaving Afghanistan with an American-style
government. Besides, that’s an impossible
task. Victory means disrupting terrorists
— something we already know how to do,
on the cheap.
Oddly, Obama seemed to acknowledge
this, in his West Point strategy speech.
“I set a goal that was narrowly defined as
disrupting, dismantling, and defeating Al
Qaeda and its extremist allies,” the president
said. “Since then, we’ve made progress on
some important objectives. High-ranking
Al-Qaeda and Taliban leaders have been
killed, and we’ve stepped up the pressure
on Al Qaeda worldwide.”
So why are we also trying to reform, by
force, an Afghan society that has no interest
in changing? With Obama’s announcement,
U.S. troop levels in Afghanistan will soon
reach 100,000. That’s a hundred thousand,
mostly young Americans, who like Able
Troop must continue absorbing Taliban
bombs and bullets, as they labor towards an
impossible goal.
For Able Troop, there’s an especially
ominous note to the Administration’s
ongoing support for Afghan nation-building.
As Gukeisen expands his influence in Logar
with money and small projects, the Army
edges closer and close to the natural “bowl”
in Kherwar district where the Soviet division
was massacred, two decades ago. As the
U.S. war effort expands, young soldiers will
find themselves marching into killing fields
that have claimed the armies of empires, for
centuries.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
 Ethics Commission. In a Wednesday option existed for legislators who wanted
statement, Sanford said the Judiciary to remove Sanford. It’s a little-known
subcommittee dismissed 32 of 37 ethics constitutional measure called “removal by
allegations against him. In the large scheme address.” It probably has never been used.
of things, that’s a little misleading because According to the opinion by Rutgers
it makes it look like those charges are gone. University Professor G. Alan Tarr, who runs
In fact, the governor still faces action by the Center for State Constitutional Studies,
2=™< 78= 8?.; B.=

By Andy Brack
the state Ethics Commission on all 37
violations of state ethics law. What the
Judiciary subcommittee did had no impact
South Carolina is one of the few states that
offers “removal by address.” Article XV,
Section 3 of the state constitution allows
on those allegations. the governor to remove “any executive or
I T’ S PROBABLY OVER, recommendation of a subcommittee, but it’s Attorney General. The jury still is judicial officer” for “any willful neglect of
BUT IT STILL AIN ’ T OVER been known to happen. And whenever 25 out also whether Attorney General Henry duty, or other reasonable cause.”
politicians get in a room over a hot political McMaster will file criminal charges against As Tarr contemplates, it’s unlikely
Anybody who thinks the potential issue where they’re on the hot seat, well, the governor in relation to the civil ethics Sanford would remove himself. But if the
impeachment of Gov. Mark Sanford is over you can fill in the blank. violations. While McMaster, a gubernatorial House and Senate passed a non-impeachment
isn’t recalling the words of Yogi Berra. House floor. Even if the House Judiciary candidate, may have been waiting on the resolution to suspend Sanford from office
“It ain’t over ‘til it’s over,” Berra said Committee doesn’t send an impeachment House before sticking his finger in the and replace him with a temporary governor,
in 1973 when the come-from-behind New resolution to all 170 members of the House wind to determine what to do, there is the the temporary governor could, in fact, send
York Mets nabbed the pennant on the final for consideration, something could happen possibility that the Sanford saga could hit Sanford packing through the “removal of
day of the baseball season. on the floor the criminal courts. address” option.
For South Carolina, the state obsession during the 2010 (With the House Yes, this complicated option is as likely
with Sanford’s peccadilloes is far from session to bring “IMPEACHMENT IS A CONSTITUTIONAL moving forward as snow in July at Myrtle Beach, but to
over, despite some sloppy and misleading the issue up for a PREROGATIVE OF THE FULL HOUSE.” on a censure suggest the whole messy Sanford imbroglio
reporting by some news outlets. While vote. (It probably resolution, this also is over just ain’t so.
Sanford certainly dodged a hurdle this won’t happen, but isn’t likely.) More than likely Sanford will be around
week, consider: could.) Rep. Greg until January 2011 when a new governor
Process. This week, the House S.C. Rep. James Smith, a Richland Delleney, the Chester Republican who is takes office. Until then, lawmakers need
impeachment subcommittee voted 6-1 Democrat on the House subcommittee, pushing hard for Sanford’s impeachment, to deal with Sanford’s embarrassment to
to not recommend impeachment to the voted against impeaching Sanford but said said he’s not giving up. the state quickly, start concentrating on
full House Judiciary Committee. But just he believed the full House needed to settle “I’m not quitting until it’s over.” He South Carolina’s big problems and push the
because a subcommittee says one thing, the issue. “I’ve always felt this was not a said, “As long as I have a breath, I’m going increasingly irrelevant Sanford aside.
a full committee can say another. The decision for seven members of the House,” to proceed.” When asked why, he said,
full committee on Wednesday will take he said in a phone interview. “Impeachment “Because it’s the right thing to do.” Andy Brack, publisher of S.C. Statehouse
up whether to impeach the governor. It’s is a constitutional prerogative of the full On Wednesday, Delleney introduced a Report, can be reached at: brack@
not often a full committee goes against the House.” legal opinion into the record that another statehousereport.com.

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THURSDAY DEC. 17 New Brookland Tavern SATURDAY DEC. 26 WEDNESDAY
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The Whig Among The Broken No Wasted Motion Jazz Fusion & Funk with
New Brookland Tavern Fast Citizens Heeyee DJ Evelfaery Jeremy Robertson
Shallow Palace DJ D
A Post War Drama SATURDAY Wild Wing Cafe
The Dreggs DECEMBER 19 Adam Cross Hard Knox Grill New Brookland Tavern
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The Mercy Shot New Brookland Tavern Covered In Shit
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Lets be honest, nothing says the
Christmas season like industrial
(someone was telling me the other
day that all “industrial” bands that
followed the demise of Industrial
Records were technically “post-
industrial” bands...please give me
a fucking break) I mean after all
that cheery happy crap with Santa
Claus and your family it’s good to
have a break. This show provides
that outlet.
The headliner Prognosis is a
December 26th quality synth industrial band out of
Prognosis the ATL. Think Covenant, Funker
Vogt or even old FLA or Haujobb.
No Wasted Motion Plus, there are going to be some
DJ Evelfaery DJs so there is bound to be a
DJ D darker dance party emerging. And
that is what makes this a more fun
show to go to than if it was a metal
show on the 26th.
It’s dark but still danceable as
opposed to just something you can
bang your head to. It’s not like
industrial bands roll into Cola on
a weekly basis so please get out
there and support the acts from
this region.
Sadly, the last industrial show
in Cola that jumps to mind for me
was Sister Machine Gun and that
was a while ago (I am sure I am
missing some other shows but no
one’s perfect).
- Norbert Sykes
music@columbiacitypaper.com
12 *>0><=  " The Little Mermaid, Photo by Lyon Hill
 =1. B.*; # 58,*5
*;=< 9;.?2.@
By Judit Trunkos
With Columbia’s galleries and artists
looking forward to next year, Columbia
City Paper asked some of the most promi-
nent galler-
ies and art-
ARTS NOTEBOOK ists to give
us a sneak
peak into the upcoming year’s art events
and projects. Art lovers will be satisfied to
hear that art in Columbia is thriving, and
next year’s exhibitions and shows will be
better than ever.
Maryellyn Cannizzaro, owner of Art
+ Cayce, says her space “is dedicated to
exhibiting art that often eludes a formal
venue.” Andrew Norton Weber and Suzy
Scarborough both exhibited there last year
and recently received an invitation from
the Ministry of Culture in Ecuador to have
a two-person show in the South American
nation from December 2009 to January
2010.
Art + Cacye celebrates new and
established artists whose work connects
to the Midlands. Plans call for four to six
openings each year featuring a gallery
talk. Next year’s planned exhibitions will
feature Larry Racioppo: Photography of
Architectural Ruins in the spring 2010.
McMaster Gallery at the University of
South Carolina exhibits both faculty and
student works, but also artists who are not
part of the USC family.
Starting Jan. 15, artist Jonathan
Brilliant will create a dynamic and engag-
ing installation reflecting his interest in the
effects of labor, performance and materials
applied to an exhibition space. This exhibi-
tion is part of his cross-country traveling
The work of Ansel Adams is on display at Columbia Museum of Art
series Have Sticks Will Travel Tour, where
he will visit various galleries to build
massive, suspended sculptures from coffee
stirrer sticks, says gallery director Mana
Hewitt.
HoFP Gallery offers a unique combi-
nation of regional and global work, from
traditional southern landscapes to interna-
tional modern paintings. Alice Perritt, the
owner of HoFP Gallery, is a professional
framer who brings more than 20 years of
experience in art and custom framing to
HoFP Gallery. Perritt brings a style and
creativity to her work that has garnered
accolades.
“HoFP has had a full year,” Perritt
says. “We just closed a show of paintings
by Maya Eventov that was one of our top
three most successful ever.”
Columbia Museum of Art brought
amazing shows last year, including the
famous Impressionism traveling exhibition
Turner to Cézanne: Masterpieces from
the Davies Collection and the ongoing
Ansel Adams: Masterworks photography
show. For the upcoming year, the museum
promises artlovers The Chemistry of Color:
Contemporary African-American Artists,
starting Feb. 5. The show will feature about
70 paintings, sculptures and works on paper
chronicling the accomplishments of African-
American artists in the second half of the
20th century. Among the artists included
are Benny Andrews, Romare Bearden,
Sam Gilliam, Barkley Hendricks, Jacob
Lawrence, Howardena Pindell, Faith
Ringgold, Betye Saar and Raymond
Saunders.
From May 21 to Sept. 19, the museum
will feature Imperial Splendor: Renaissance
Tapestries from Vienna.
BY DJ KINGPIN-VILLAIN OF VINYL
Greetings to you! Hope all is well out
there. Much has gone down since we last
shot the breeze. The Vocal Booth is proud
to wish all of you out there some Happy
Holidays — from Hanukkah, Christmas,
New Years and, of course, Kwanzaa.
As the holiday season is upon us, the
music keeps on pumping. Timbaland is
back with another album. OC and AG
(Remember them?) of D.I.T.C. fame have
released their first collabo album in the
vein of Method Man and Redman …
BANGER! Gucci Mane had to undergo
his major label release behind bars, but the
streets love it. Rhianna has released her
fourth album to little fanfare, but she gets
brownie points for her extremely vivid and
emotional writing, and as expected, Chris
Brown has flopped. His album is truly
having a hard time making any type of
connection with the people. I must say that Snoop Dogg is back with another.
the people have spoken -- beat a woman
and lose your female fans. Women are of loyalty to one’s craft, crew and core
audience. The beautifully crafted “Special”
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celebration to those who’ve stood by
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release of his critically acclaimed 10th is 10 toes down in love with this woman
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album Malice In Wonderland. your favorite poison of choice. This will
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his hometown and partying (“I Wanna
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perfect addition for the “EastSide Rider” Any artist, musician, band, record
in all of us. label, producer, manager, songwriter, DJ,
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minutes, Snoop Dogg has crafted a jewel. for your project, The Record Report,
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If there is a drawback to Malice In you think. More details on the way!
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songs with weak guest appearances (Soulja Words of Wisdom
Boy, Problem) and no presence of The Thanks for all the love and support.
DPGC Collective (sans DJ EZ D*CK). Have a safe, happy, family-filled holiday.
Malice In Wonderland was an album See you in the New Year!
created by Snoop Dogg as a testament to Be sure to stay sucker-free!
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equally, or more, was just Rumsfeld
important than the on the other end
leftist counterculture of the podium. The
that was developing. Boston Tea Party
Countercultures was not a demon-
are always represent- stration — it was an
ed as much by style act of destruction,
as by substance. The of radical subver-
historian Richard sion. The tea party
Hofstadter detailed was intended to in-
this style in his book cite revolution.
The Paranoid Style By using this
in American Politics, James Ellroy should be required reading name, Jim DeMint
which came out in for all of us, including the radical right. and his cohort ad-
1964. That paranoid mit their purpose
style is alive again — and in many ways it is to subvert the government of the United
models itself on that previous countercul- States. This is where DeMint gets some of
tural moment. his radical chic. You can almost hear him
This year was the perfect time, then, with his buddies making fun of how square
for the release of Blood’s a Rover, the final his country cousin Lindsey is.
volume of the trilogy that may well be the Sanford’s trip to Argentina was the big
great work of fiction about the right-wing story this year, but perhaps it should have
counterculture, James Ellroy’s Underworld been DeMint’s trip to Honduras. It shows
USA. that DeMint has gone full-retro, embrac-
With this dark and daunting book, Ell- ing Right Wing Latin American coups in
roy, a crime writer known for Black Dahl- open defiance of the U.S. policy. Oh, how it
ia and L.A. Confidential, completes his brings back memories. It almost makes one
strange, disturbing and ultimately compel- giddy. This was the year, remember, when
ling picture of American politics as crime. DeMint and G. Gordon Liddy, Nixon’s Wa-
The trilogy begins with American Tabloid tergate man, came together to say that the
just before the election of John Kennedy president was a Nazi.
and leads to his assassination — an event As it happens, Liddy bears a striking
arranged by two of the book’s main charac- resemblance to James Ellroy. If I were in-
ters. Ellroy’s timing was perfect. American clined to give Wilson and DeMint a gift, I
Tabloid may have chronicled the early six- would definitely buy them Ellroy’s Blood’s
ties, but it came out in 1995, just as the radi- a Rover. And I would recommend it to the
cal right was rising again as an anti-Clinton rest of the country, so we know what we’re
insurgency. The Cold Six Thousand, which talking about when we’re talking about tea-
came out in 2001, followed many of the baggers.
14 -.,.6+.;   "
 /.*; 8/ =1. />=>;.
Much has been written this year in
observance of the birth of Charles Darwin
in 1809 and the
publication of his
monumental work,
On the Origin of
Species, in 1859.
Another important
date — one which
has gone largely
unnoticed yet which
is also important
in its perverse way
BY WILL MOREDOCK to the ideas of
our modern world
— is 1909, the year in which a couple of
oil tycoons met and hired theologian A.C.
Dixon to produce a series of books called
The Fundamentals.
Conceived as a reaction to Darwin
and the other voices of modernism, The
Fundamentals were a collection of 90
essays by prominent American and British
clerics, compiled into 12 volumes and
published between 1910 and 1915. They
became the intellectual basis of modern
fundamentalism.
For the past three decades the political
and cultural movement collectively known
as the Christian right has been powered in
large part by the ideas of fundamentalism.
Adherents of these principles generally
will tell you that they are following ancient
doctrine; in truth, much of their ideology —
including the Rapture and Second Coming
— is actually quite recent.
“(Fundamentalism) is the intellectual
underpinning of a lot of modern social and
political ideas,” said Elijah Siegler, assistant and generally placed on the shelf with 1930s and supported rightwing dictatorships
professor of religion at the College of mysticism and witchcraft, became the around the world during the Cold War. In
Charleston. “George W. Bush was the high- centerpiece of fundamentalist ideology. For American Fascists: The Christian Right
water mark of fundamentalism in American the fundamentalist, the end of the world is and the War on America, Chris Hedges
society.” imminent and nothing else matters. describes how the Republican Party joined
The fundamentalist movement has had a One consequence of this peculiar forces with Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and
long and twisting path since it was launched world view, Siegler said, is that most other fundamentalist leaders in the 1970s
a century ago. fundamentalists disregard environmental to put traditional Republicans in control
Lyman and Milton Stewart were oil warnings and eschew almost all forms of of Washington and put fundamentalist
magnates and founders of the Union social and political reform. The important Christians in control of American culture.
Oil Co., who took it upon themselves thing for the fundamentalist is to get right Their scheme almost worked. George
to finance seminaries, missionary work with god and prepare to be whooshed up W. Bush served two terms as president
and the publication of Bible tracts and in the Rapture. The world and the people (whether he was elected is still debated),
Christian books. in it are not worth and GOP leaders spoke just a few years ago
Lyman Stewart’s “THE FUNDAMENTALIST MOVEMENT saving. of a permanent Republican majority in the
most ambitious HAS HAD A LONG AND TWISTING PATH You can Congress. A number of factors contributed
project was the understand how to the fact that Democrats now hold the
publication of The SINCE IT WAS LAUNCHED.” this theology would White House and the Congress — not least
Fundamentals, have a deep appeal of which was the fact the the fundamentalists
which encapsulated a lot of free-floating to political and economic conservatives. overplayed their hand after the 2004 election
ideas that had been inhabiting the fringe In fact, Siegler suggests the nexus of big and scared a lot of moderates away.
American theology for generations. business and religion at the launch of the Fundamentalism is in eclipse as a
Fundamentalism was riding high in the fundamentalist movement is no accident. It political force today, but it is still alive and
decade after publication of its manifesto. has been repeated a number of times in the past well. And like a cancer, it can always return.
It fueled the Red Scare of the 1920s, made century, including in the rise of the Christian It is an authoritarian ideology, an intrinsic
war on Catholics and immigrants, imposed right and the emergence of a secretive and intractable enemy of peace and freedom.
Prohibition on the nation. But Prohibition sect of wealthy and powerful Christian All freedom-loving people should know its
was a disaster, and the Scopes “Monkey politicians who operate out of a house on signs and be wary of its dangers.
Trial” was a deep embarrassment to the C Street in Washington, D.C. In his book,
movement. Fundamentalism withdrew The Family: The Secret Fundamentalism at Read Will Moredock’s blog at www.
from the mainstream, becoming politically the Heart of American Power, Jeff Sharlet charlestoncitypaper.com/blogs/thegoodfight.
and culturally marginal until it reemerged a d e s c r i b e s
half-century later as the Christian right. how this
A chief characteristic of fundamentalism g r o u p
is its obsession with the End Times and w o r k e d
Second Coming. Those cryptic passages a g a i n s t
from Revelation, which mainstream FDR’s New
Christians have scratched their heads over Deal in the
-.,.6+.;   " 15
¡Ask a Mexican!
SPECIAL VIRGIN OF
GUADALUPE EDITION
Dear Mexican: As a to steal more of Mexico all
Chicano/Mexican, I have the way down to San Luís
lost my faith in God. While Potosí.
they take pride in their
country like everyone Dear Mexican: How did
else and like to make Looney Tunes characters
frequent jokes, Mexicans enter the Mexican cultural
are generally very humble pantheon alongside la
(poor) people. Isn’t God virgencita as an image to
supposed to be on the side wear on your T-shirt, glued
of the poor and humble? to your dashboard and
Why is it that Mexico always tattooed onto your skin?
loses fútbol matches to a BY GUSTAVO ARELLANO Don’t get me wrong — I was
generally rich, arrogant into cartoons when I was a
people (Americans) who don’t even care kid, but it’s just weird to see grown men
about the sport? Why is it we start the and women sporting cartoon characters
swine-flu epidemic, which can be the next on their jean jackets and bracero biceps. Is
bubonic plague, and get natural disasters it that they always have little kids running
ALL THE TIME? This reminds me of the around, so cartoons are the only thing on
saying “Poor Mexico — so far from God, TV? Moreover, this is something Mexicans
so close to the United States!” Do you think seem to share with certain sectors of the
Mexicans are coming up as God’s next gabacho lower class. What explains this
“chosen people” and going strange adult fascination
to get it as bad as the Jews with Looney Tunes?
have over the centuries? Gabacho Loon
Still Believing In the
Virgen de Guadalupe, But Dear Gabacho: As I’ve
Not So Sure About the Big written before, Mexicans
Papi Upstairs... love the Warner Bros. stable
of caricaturas (custodians
Dear Wab: We are the of Cervantes: I know this
Chosen Juans — have been isn’t the exact translation
for generations. After all, of the Spanish word for
the Jews never got away animated cartoons, but this
with calling their boys is the word mami y papi
Guadalupe andSalvador used to describe them, so
and girls Jesusita — hell, vayanse a la chingada)
the more orthodox of them because they personify
don’t even have the huevos the Trickster, the universal
to say G-d! And there are archetype who uses mayhem
more anti-Mexican slurs and wits to wriggle his way
used by gabachos in the
present day than there are
against judios, which are
through tough situations.
But that doesn’t explain
the almost-as-popular use
=>.<-*B<
necessary lumps God forces of Disney characters such Slice Night
upon the meek — or did you El Ratón — so Mexican. as Winnie the Pooh, Goofy $1.25
already forget the Sermón and the various princesses
on the Mount? But you among wabs. I would offer a
really think we’re going to get it as bad as Mexican-specific response, but your final
the heebs? Ever heard of the Holocaust? point regarding similarities between wabs
=1>;<-*B<
Pogroms? Henry Ford? The genocide of and rednecks, coupled with the disturbing 2 for 1
America’s indigenous was horrendous, as popularity of anything Disney by too Medium 2 toppings
are modern-day deportations suffered by muchos adults in the United States, show
our undocumented, but Jews have been that this is a small mundo after all — sorry (Dine in Only!)
dealing with that crap since the days of to offer such a Mickey Mouse response,
the pharaoh, so they’re centuries ahead readers, but when it comes to El Ratón, the
of us in the persecution game — and it’s more you can disparage him, the better.
not one we really want to win, you know?
I am glad, however, that you compared Ask the Mexican at themexican@ 341 S. Woodrow St.
Mexis to Jews and not Palestinians like askamexican.net or myspace.com/ocwab. (Corner of Woodrow and Rosewood)
most Chicano yaktivists do, since the Or write to him at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O.
Palestinians’ plight is its own demented Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433. Find
chingadera that nosotros wouldn’t be able him on Facebook and Twitter!
to comprehend even if the U.S. went on
16 -.,.6+.;   "
803.252.6931
SavageLove
I am a 23-year-old male who has been
in a relationship with a great woman for
four years now. She is an amazing person,
and we oftentimes talk about marriage. The
issue is this: I have a foot fetish and she is
fully aware of it. She doesn’t like the idea of
me kissing her feet or indulging my fetish in
any way. We have sex quite often, and I’ve
always let it slide that she doesn’t want any
part of my fetish. I don’t know what to do,
because I’m at a stage in my sexual growth
where I need to experience my fetish. I’m
getting mixed advice from different people
and I just want a straight answer. The sex
we have is amazing, but I would enjoy it so
much more if I could act on my desires once
in a while.
Sexually Frustrated Fetishist
Here’s a straight answer: Your amazing
girlfriend is an amazingly selfish lover,
and I’m amazed that you’ve put up with
her bullshit for as long as you have. A foot
fetish is not uncommon or outrageous; as
fetishes go, SFF, yours is the least taxing for
a nonkinky partner. It’s not like you’re into
shit or choking or Christian side hugs. Any
amazing woman who truly loved you would
regard indulging you as a no-brainer.
Share time: I have a good friend who’s
not kinky at all—unless you count being
gay—and he’s a runner who goes for long
runs every Saturday morning. When he gets
home, he handcuffs his boyfriend to a chair
in his kitchen, duct-tapes one of his sweaty
sneakers over the boyfriend’s face, and
leaves him there while he has breakfast. My
friend—who came to me for advice when
his boyfriend confessed his fetish—isn’t
really into guys with sneakers duct-taped to
their faces. But it gets his lover off, andisn’t
that what lovers are for?
Your lover has had things—she’s had
you—on her terms for four years, SFF,
which means you’re going to have to play
the breakup card. It’s the only leverage you
have. Tell her that if she can indulge your
fetish—happily and regularly—and take
some pleasure in giving you pleasure, she
might be “the one.” If she can’t or won’t,
she obviously isn’t. (Not that “the one” is
anything other than a destructive myth, but
for the sake of winning this argument, go
ahead and use it.)
Finally, SFF, don’t let the girlfriend—or
anyone else—tell you that you’re threatening
to end this relationship over something
trivial. Sexual fulfillment is important,
particularly if your relationship is exclusive.
And the “triviality” of your kink cuts both
ways: If your kink is so trivial, why not
just indulge you then? And in a long-term
relationship—or a marriage—one partner’s
sexual selfishness and another’s sexual
frustration rarely prove trivial over the
long haul. They’re more often grounds for
Sex Advice
by Dan Savage
I’m a straight guy in my late 20s. I have
a girlfriend of several years whom I live
with and I love very much. I just read your
most recent column, in which you used the
acronyms HND (honest nonmonogamous
dude) and CPOS (cheating piece of
shit), and it struck a nerve. I have never
been an HND; I have in the past been a
CPOS (though not in this relationship).
My girlfriend is lovely, supportive, and
generally GGG, and though the sex is good,
I have a significantly higher libido than
she does and I would like to have a little
more variety in my sex life. I want to be an
HND, but I don’t know how to broach the
subject with the girlfriend without ruining
our relationship. We are very open about
our sex life and our relationship in general,
but I think this is probably a “next level”
topic that may not go over very well. How
divorce. do I bring this up without screwing up our
relationship beyond repair?
I am a 35-year-old partnered gay man, Aspiring Honest Nonmonogamous
but I’ve been having an online conversation Dude
with a married bisexual man that has become
an ongoing game of sexual dares. It’s a safe Based on what you’ve learned about
form of sexual adventurism for both of yourself in past relationships, AHND, i.e.,
us. None of our dares has involved sexual that you’re a CPOS waiting to happen, I
contact with another person, but some of our would encourage you to err on the side
dares have begun to involve other people at of screwing up your current relationship
the edges. For example, we’ve posted ads with an honest conversation about your
to Craigslist as submissives and responded mismatched libidos and your natural and
to some of the replies from dominant men. normal desire for a little variety. Lies, damn
None of these interactions with third parties lies, and statistics all demonstrate that, in
will result in actual contact. It feels a little time, one or the other or both of you will
like we are exploiting the “flakes” aspect cheat. Better to toss that out there now,
of Craigslist, i.e., it’s common to hear from even at the risk of calmly winding down
someone a few times after making contact this relationship before you revert to form/
on Craigslist and then never hear from CPOS, than to see the relationship explode
them again. But it also feels a little like we after someone, most likely you, winds up
are using these folks. Is this expansion of cheating.
our game to involve other people ethical? And while we’re on the subject of
=>.<-*B<
Concerned About Harming Craigslist cheating...
Fellas I suppose I’m obligated to say a few
P.S. This letter is itself part of a dare. words about Tiger Woods. First, let’s
If you publish it and include a dare in the pretend that Elin Nordegren cheated on Slice Night
Tiger and that Tiger went after Elin with a
reply, I will have to fulfill that dare.
golf club. Would Elin be viewed as the sole
$1.25
The expansion of your game to Craigslist transgressor in the marriage then? Probably
will annoy those guys on CL who are not. And second, daily papers and cable news
looking for actual contact, CAHCF, but outfits reacted to Tiger’s “transgressions”
=1>;<-*B<
as those guys amount to something less by changing the names in the same “Why 2 for 1
than 0.02 percent of the men trawling do powerful men cheat?” stories they’ve
Craigslist at any given moment, I wouldn’t been pimping since Bill Clinton blew a load
Medium 2 toppings
worry about it. Everyone knows that CL on a White House intern. For the millionth (Dine in Only!)
is overrun with flakes and game players time: Men cheat for the same reasons
and picture collectors; the odds that the women cheat, i.e., because they’re bored
“dominant men” you’ve chatted with on or horny or unfulfilled or desperate to see
CL are interested in actual contact are pretty someone else naked for a change. People
damn slim. (Guys interested in real-time cheat because monogamy isn’t natural and 341 S. Woodrow St.
BDSM play are likelier to be lurking on we are wired to cheat. That doesn’t make (Corner of Woodrow and Rosewood)
Recon.com or in your local hardware store.) cheating right, of course; people should
So post at will. honor their commitments, and blah-de-
P.S. I dare you to go to www.tinyurl. nine-iron-blah. But we shouldn’t encourage
com/ye3otsh and take the pledge. people to make commitments we all know
they’re unlikely to keep. The end. 803.252.6931
-.,.6+.;   " 17
387.<27™ ,;8<<@8;-<
“Best of the Decade, Pt.1”--starting with 2000-2001.
Across
1 Health services provider for
seniors
9 Goa garments
14 Vaporize
15 Dog tag, e.g.: abbr.
16 OutKast album that rated #1 on
Metacritic’s Top Albums of 2000
17 Island in the Mediterranean
18 It can get high every day
19 Spine-chilling
21 Yellowfin tuna variety
22 Denom. of South Carolina’s
Allen University
23 His “Goblet of Fire” was Ama-
zon.com’s #1 best-selling book of
2000
26 Language that gives us
“schadenfreude”
28 Pissed-off looks
29 Confesses (to)
33 H, in a fraternity
34 With “The,” sitcom that made
Time’s 10 Best TV Series of 2001
list
38 Bolivian president Morales
39 “Pig’s blood at the prom” movie
40 Be ready for
43 May-December difference,
perhaps
47 Gamespy.com’s PC Game of
the Year, 2001
51 Junkyard dog’s warning
52 Former Texas Rangers pitcher
18 -.,.6+.;   "
Kameron 27 Angel in Mormon history
53 Swedish politician Olof assas- 30 “Hey, wait a ___!”
sinated in 1986 31 “Kill Bill” star Thurman
54 “Knowing” star Nicolas 32 Course goal
55 Talk show ending in 2011 34 Belize’s capital
57 Compact that made Car & 35 She sings “Don’t Cry for Me,
Driver’s Best Car of 2001 list Argentina”
60 Rhone tributary 36 Ending for demo or Dixie
61 Complaint when the lights are 37 “Ah, whatever” follower
out 40 House Speaker Nancy
62 Belly button that collects lint 41 Greek god with a lyre, to the
63 Bases, chemically speaking French
42 Grp. once battled by Jesse
Down Helms
1 Personal period 44 Showed up on (the cover of)
2 Dodgy sort? 45 Defends one’s side
3 Comedian Cook 46 Current Palm products
4 Tats 48 Like Santa’s helpers
5 Fortune magazine subj., perhaps 49 Oil company that merged with
6 “Up” actor Ed BP
7 More wintry 50 Played on TV Land
8 Sweetums 54 “___ fan tutte”
9 San ___, CA (Hearst Castle 56 Folk rocker DiFranco
locale) 58 CSI sample
10 Palindromic Oklahoma city 59 U.S. consumer protection agcy.
11 Be sympathetic with
12 How sugar is sometimes served ©2009 Jonesin’Crosswords (edi-
13 Elevator alternative tor@jonesincrosswords.com)
16 Men-only For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-
20 Numerical Internet addresses: 900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute.
abbr. Must be 18+. Or to bill to
23 Kate Hudson’s mom Goldie your credit card, call: 1-800-655-
24 Years, to Nero 6548. Reference puzzle #0445.
25 [snicker]
-.,.6+.;   " 19