HELLONWHEELS:RevelationsbyTonyGayton&JoeGayton

1865.CullenBohannon,38,isaformertobaccofarmerandformerConfederatesoldierwhois
determinedtoexactrevengeontheUnionsoldierswhomurderedhiswife,Mary.Itisnight.Bohannon
sitsatacampfire,speakingto,butnotlookingat,aformerslavewithwhomheistravelling.He
speaksslowly,calmly.
BOHANNON:Igavemyslavestheirfreedombeforethewarstarted.Damnnearwentbrokepayin
theirwagesIonlydiditformywife.Isureashelldidntunderstandit.Itpissedmeoff,tellyouthe
truthWell,Maryhadawayoftalkinmeintothings.ItwantuntilIcomehomefromthewarright
then,actuallythatIunderstoodthatshewasright.IfoundMarywhereshewashanged,yknow,
butIcouldntfindmyboy.Wedalwaysplayhideandgoseek,andhedalwayshideupinthehayloft.
(Laughs.)Everydamnedtime,everytime.Hed(Chuckle.)AndIdjust,IdpretendlikeIcouldntfind
him.See,theYankees,they,theyburnedthebarn,butitwasstillstandin,and(takesaswigfrom
hisflask)therehewas.Upinthehayloft.Hisbodywascurledup,andhisarmswashugginhisknees
tohischest.Buthewasntalone.Bethel,thewomanwhoraisedme,shewaswithhim.Shehadher
armswrappedaroundhim,likeshewasprotectinhimfromtheflame.(Longpause.)Boththeir
bodies,theywerescorchedblack,fusedtogether.Couldntreallytellwhereoneofthemendedand
theotheronebegan.(Exhales.)AndIjustrememberstandinthereandthinkintomyself,Godsgot
afunnywayofteachinyouthings.Huh?
WILDHONEYbyMichaelFrayn

Russia,1878.Osip,40,ahorsethief,describesachanceencounter.

OSIP:Hotsummersday.Liketoday.Intheforesthere.ImgoingalongthistrackandIlookroundand
theresheis,shesstandinginalittlestreamandshesholdingherdressupwithonehandandshes
scoopingupwaterinadockleafwiththeother.Shescoops.Shedrinks.Scoops.Drinks.Scoopsagain,
andpoursitoverherhead.Itsoneofthosedayswhenyoucanfeeltheairheavyonyou,andyou
canthearnothingbutthebuzzingofthefliesShepaysnoheedtome.Justanotherpeasant,she
thinks.SoIgodowntotheedgeofthestream,rightupclosetoher,ascloseasIamtoyounow,and
Ijustlookather.Likethis,likeImlookingatyou.Andshestandsthereinthewaterinfrontofme,
withherskirtsupinherhand,andshebends,shescoops,shepours.Andthewaterrunsoverher
hair,overherfaceandherneck,thendownoverherdress,andallshesaysis:Whatareyoustaring
at,idiot?Haventyoueverseenahumanbeingbefore?Andshescoopsandshepours,andIjust
standgazing.Thensuddenlysheturnsandgivesmeasharplook.Oh,shesays,youvetakena
fancytome,haveyou?AndIsay:IreckonIcouldkissyouanddie.Sothatmadeherlaugh.All
right,shesays,youcankissmeifyoulike.Well,IfeltasifIdbeenthrownintoafurnace.Iwentup
toherintothestream,bootsandall,IdidntthinktwiceandItookherbytheshoulder,very
lightly,andIkissedherrighthere,onhercheek,andhereonherneck,ashardaseverIcould.Now,
then,shesays,beoffwithyou!Andyouwashalittlemoreoften,shesays,andyoudosomething
aboutyournails!AndoffIwent.
ARISTOCRATSbyBrianFriel
CASIMIR:Yesyes.IdiscoveredagreattruthwhenIwasnine.No,notagreattruth;butImadeagreat
discoverywhenIwasninenotevenagreatdiscoverybutanimportant,averyimportantdiscover
forme.IsuddenlyrealisedIwasdifferentfromotherboys.WhenIsayIwasdifferentIdon'tmean
youknow,goodLord,Idon'tforasecondmeanIwasyouknowastheysaynowadayshomo
sexualgoodheavensImustadmit,ifanything,Eamon,ifanythingI'm(looksaround)I'm
vigorouslyheterosexualhaha.ButofcourseIdon'tmeanthateither.No,no.Butanyway.WhatI
discoveredwasthatforsomereasonpeoplefoundme...peculiar.OfcourseIsenseditfirstfromthe
boysatboardingschool.ButitwasFatherwithhisusualhisusualdirectnessandhonestlywho
mademefaceit.Irememberthedayhesaidtome:'Hadyoubeenborndownthere'wewerein
thelibraryandhepointeddowntoBallybegHadyoubeenborndownthere,you'dhavebecome
thevillageidiot.Fortunatelyforyou,youwerebornhereandwecanabsorbyou.Haha.Soatnine
yearsofageIknewcertainthings:thatcertainkindsofpeoplelaughedatme;thattheeasy
relationshipsthatothermenenjoywouldalwayseludeme;thatthatthatIwouldneversucceed
inlife,whateveryouknowwhatever'succeed'means.Thatwasaveryimportantandavery
difficultdiscoveryforme,asyoucanimagine.Butitbroughtcertainrecognitions,certain
compensatoryrecognitions.BecauseonceIrecognisedonceIacknowledgedthatthelargerareas
werenotaccessibletome,IdiscoveredIhadtodiscoversmaller,muchsmallerareasthatwere.
Yes,indeed.AndIdiscoveredthatifIconductmyselfwithsomecircumspection,IfindthatIcanlive
withinthesesmaller,perhapsveryconfinedterritorieswithoutexposuretotoomuchhurt.IndeedI
findthatIcanexperiencesomehappinessandperhapsgiveameasureofhappiness,too.Mygreat
discovery.Isn'titsobeautiful?

DEATHOFASALESMANbyArthurMiller
BIFF:Nowhearthis,Willy,thisisme.YouknowwhyIhadnoaddressforthreemonths?IstoleasuitinKansas
CityandIwasjailed.Istolemyselfoutofeverygoodjobsincehighschool.AndInevergotanywhere
becauseyoublewmesofullofhotairIcouldneverstandtakingordersfromanybody!Thatswhosefaultitis!
Itsgoddamntimeyouheardthat!Ihadtobebossbigshotintwoweeks,andImthroughwithit
Willy!Irandownelevenflightswithapeninmyhandtoday.AndsuddenlyIstopped,youhearme?Andin
themiddleofthatofficebuilding,doyouhearthis?IstoppedinthemiddleofthatbuildingandIsawthesky.Isaw
thethingsthatIloveintheworld.Theworkandthefoodandthetimetositandsmoke.AndIlooked
atthepenandsaidtomyself,whatthehellamIgrabbingthisfor?WhyamItryingtobecomewhatI
dontwanttobe?WhatamIdoinginanoffice,makingacontemptuous,beggingfoolofmyself,
whenallIwantisoutthere,waitingformetheminuteIsayIknowwhoIam!WhycantIsaythat,
Willy?Pop!Imadimeadozen,andsoareyou!Iamnotaleaderofmen,Willy,andneitherareyou.You
wereneveranythingbutahardworkingdrummerwholandedintheashcanlikealltherestof
them!Imonedollaranhour,Willy!Itriedsevenstatesandcouldntraiseit!Abuckanhour!Doyou
gathermymeaning?Imnotbringinghomeanyprizesanymore,andyouregoingtostopwaitingfor
metobringthemhome!Pop,Imnothing!Imnothing,Pop.Cantyouunderstandthat?Theresno
spiteinitanymore.ImjustwhatIam,thatsall.Willyouletmego,forChristssake?Willyoutake
thatphonydreamandburnitbeforesomethinghappens?

ERSKINEVILLEKINGSbyMartyDeniss

WACE:Idontoweanybodyanything.Hecouldntliftuphisfuckinarms,hecouldntevenholda
fuckinfork.Therewasnothingwrongwithhisbrain,heknewwhatwasgoingon.Iknewwhatwas
goingon.Butwebothjustkeptontogetherdayafterdayandhesjustwastingaway.Oh,those
nursestheyrejustflinginghimabout,theyresayingStandback,weknowwhatweredoing.AndI
said,Wellifyouknowwhatyouredoingwhydoeshelooklikearagdoll,fuckinholdhimup.Oh,
andthenhehadtohavesomeonewithhim,youknowtowipehisarse,helphimpiss,hewouldve
hadtohavesomeonewithhimeveryfuckinminutefortherestofhisfuckinlife,waitingaroundwith
ashitbucketandamop.Andthisoneday,thefirstyearfuckinnursecomesinandshejustdumps
downthistrayofshitinfrontofDad,thisbrownshitandacupofjelly,thischildrenslimegreenshit,
justdumpsitinfrontofhimandheslookingatit,andhesjusthumiliated.Justdumpsitinfrontof
him.Youknow,andIsawit.Isawhiseyes,everythingjustdisappeared.Iwasholdinghishandandhe
squeezeditandIsaidDoyouwanttosaysomethingDad,andhessaidsomethingIdidnt
understandwhatitwas,soIsaid,WhydontyouwhisperitDad,justwhisperit,hewhispersit,in
myear.Isaid,NoDad,NoIcantdothat.Andhejustlooksatme.Andhesaysitagain.Ijuststood
there.AndthenIdidit.Ijustdidit.Hetoldmetodoit.SoIdidwhatIwastold.Heshouldnthavehit
yousohard.Heshouldnthavehityousohard.Andnowwhatwasinsideofhimisinsideofme.

LOOKBACKINANGERbyJohnOsbourne

JIMMY:Anyonewhosneverwatchedsomeonedieissufferingfromaprettybadcaseofvirginity.For
twelvemonths,IwatchedmyfatherdyingwhenIwastenyearsold.Hedcomebackfromthewar
inSpain,yousee.Andcertaingodfearinggentlementherehadmadesuchamessofhim,hedidnt
havelonglefttolive.EveryoneknewitevenIknewit.But,yousee,Iwastheonlyonewhocared.Hisfamily
wereembarrassedbythewholebusiness.Embarrassedandirritated.Asformymother,allshecouldthinkabout
wasthefactthatshehadalliedherselftoamanwhoseemedtobeonthewrongsideinallthings.
Mymotherwasallforbeingassociatedwithminorities,providedtheywerethesmart,fashionable
ones.We,allofuswaitedforhimtodie.Thefamilysenthimachequeeverymonth,andhopedhed
getonwithitquietly,withouttoomuchvulgarfuss.Mymotherlookedafterhimwithout
complaining,andthatwasaboutall.Perhapsshepitiedhim.Isupposeshewascapableofthat.ButI
wastheonlyonewhocared!EverytimeIsatontheedgeofhisbed,tolistentohimtalkingor
readingtome,Ihadtofightbackmytears.Attheendoftwelvemonths,Iwasaveteran.Allthatthat
feverishfailureofamanhadtolistentohimwasasmall,frightenedboy.Ispenthouruponhourin
thattinybedroom.Hewouldtalktomeforhours,pouringoutallthatwasleftofhislifetoone,
lonely,bewilderedlittleboy,whocouldbarelyunderstandhalfofwhathesaid.Allhecouldfeelwas
thedespairandbitterness,thesweet,sicklysmellofadyingman.Yousee,Ilearntatanearlyage
whatitistobeangryangryandhelpless.AndIcanneverforgetit.Iknewmoreabout
lovebetrayalanddeathwhenIwastenyearsoldthanyouwillprobablyeverknowallyourlife.
ABRIGHTROOMCALLEDDAYbyTonyKushner

Berlin,1933.Baz,inhis30s,isanopenlyhomosexualpsychologistandanarchist,oneofagroupof
liberalfriendswhobecomeworriedbytheriseofthefascistThirdReich.

BAZ:YesterdayIwasonmywaytobuyoranges.Ieatthemconstantlyinthewinter,eventhoughtheycostso
much,becausetheypreventcolds.OnmywaytothegrocersIpassedacrowdinfrontofanofficebuilding;I
askedwhatwasgoingonandtheyshowedmethatamanhadjumpedfromthehighestfloorandwasdead.
Theyhadcoveredthemanwithtarpaperbuthisfeetwerestickingoutatanglesthattoldyousomethingwas
verywrong.Therewasapinkpoolofredbloodmixedwithwhitesnow.Ileft.

AtthegrocersIfeltguiltyandembarrassedbuyingthesefatorangesformyselfonlyminutesafterthisman
haddied.Iknewwhyhehadjumped.Ithoughtofhimopeningthewindow,highup,andthecoldair

OnmywayhomeIreimaginedthewholething,becauseIfeltalittlesickatheart.Thedeadmanwassittingup
inthesnow,andnowthetarpapercoveredhisfeet.AsIpassedbyIgavehimoneofmyoranges.Hetookit.
Hestaredattheorange,asthoughholdingitcouldgivehimbacksomeofthewarmthhedlost.Allday,whenI
closedmyeyes,Icouldseehimthatway.Sittinginthesnow,holdingtheorange,andcomforted.Stillbloody,
stilldead,butcomforted.

ABRIGHTROOMCALLEDDAYbyTonyKushner

Berlin,1933.Bazisanopenlyhomosexualpsychologistandanarchist,oneofagroupofliberalfriendswho
becomeworriedbytheriseofthefascistThirdReich.BazworkedattheBerlinInstituteforHumanSexuality,
whichwasjustshutdownthreedaysago.Bazwasbroughtinforquestioning,andnowtellshisfriendAgnes
whathappened.

BAZ:IwenttoMunich.
Tokillmyself.
Really.Imverymuchafraidofthem,Ihavebeenforyears,allpolice,butthesearemuchmore
frightening.Beingalonewiththeminaroomwithalockeddoorisparalyzing.Ilookedatthecarpet
thewholetime.Ithought,good,theyhaveacarpet,theywontdoanythingthatwouldgetbloodon
thecarpet.WhenthemainonegrabbedmyfaceandslappeditIstartedcrying.(Pause.)Ihavealways
beenterrifiedofpain.Hesaidtome,InthewoodsoutsideofMunich,doyouknowwhatweare
building?Isaidno,andhesaid,Acamp.Forpeoplelikeyou.
Ihaveacriminalrecord,Icantgetouteasily.Iexpectedthemtoarrestmeimmediatelyafterletting
megosomethingtheydo.SoIdecidedtokillmyself.
Iwantedtogotoanothercitysothatnoneofyouwouldbeaskedtoidentifymeafterwards.Itook
thenighttrain.WhenIgotthereIboughtarevolverandfourbullets.Extras.IcantimaginewhyI
thoughtIdneedextras.Anyway.Iwantedtobefoundbypeoplewhoarentparticularlyfrightened
orupsetbydeath.Nunswhocarefortheterminallyill.Betterthatthaninsomecaf,ruiningsome
waiterswholeday
ButIfeltthatkillingmyselfinthemidstofabunchofnunswasprobablyamuchmoreserioussin
thandoingitdiscreetlyinasecularlocation.SoIwenttothepark.
Agnes,ImetaremarkablyattractiveyoungSilesianthere.Iwasexhausted.Fatiguemakesmeeasyto
arouse
IrealizedaftermySilesianfriendleftthatithadbeennearlyaweeksincemylastorgasm.Toomuch
pentupenergy.Theresult:depression.Addtoitthenightmareofthelastfewdayssuicide.One
briskinterludewithapliablefriendmydesiretolivereturnedtomeinallitshot,taintedglory.
Theresmore.Thebestpart.
Well,hereIaminMunichwithalittlemoney,aloadedgun,andawholedaytokillbeforethenight
traintoBerlin.Whattodo?
IwenttotheCinema.Andtherewashardlyanyonethere,itbeingearlyintheday,justmeandsome
oldpeopleandsomewarvets.Whenallofasuddenintothetheatremarchesasquadronof
brownshirtsandguesswhoelse?
Itwashim.Inaslouchhatandatrenchcoat.
Hitler.Andhesatdownthreerowsinfrontofme.TheS.A.satinbackofhimbutIhadaclearviewof
thebackofhishead.Icouldseetheoilinhishair.
ThefilmgotgoingandIwasthinkingtomyself,Lifeplaysfunnytricks.Hereweare,watchingafilm:
tenprisoners,sixwarcripples,AdolfHitlerandme,ahomosexualSundayanarchistwithaloadedgun
inhispocket.
(Heshapesthegunwithhisfingers,aimscarefully,andmakesasoftbang)
SoIleft.

Amusing,eh?
DR. STRANGELOVE or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
1964.PresidentMuffleyisintheWarRoom.HehaslearnedthatanAmericanfighterpilothasstolen
abomberplaneandisheadingintoRussianairspace.NowonthephonewiththeRussianpremier,
PresidentMuffleyattemptstobreakthebadnewsthatRussiaisabouttobebombed.
PRESIDENTMUFFLEY:Hello?Hello,Dimitri?Listen,Ican'theartoowell,doyousupposeyoucould
turnthemusicdownjustalittle?Oh,that'smuchbetter.Yes.Fine,Icanhearyounow,Dimitri.Clear
andplainandcomingthroughfine.I'mcomingthroughfinetoo,eh?Good,then.Wellthenasyousay
we'rebothcomingthroughfine.Good.Wellit'sgoodthatyou'refineandI'mfine.Iagreewithyou.
It'sgreattobefine.(Laughs.)NowthenDimitri.Youknowhowwe'vealwaystalkedaboutthe
possibilityofsomethinggoingwrongwiththebomb.Thebomb,Dimitri.Thehydrogenbomb.Well
nowwhathappenedis,oneofourbasecommanders,hehadasortof,wellhewentalittlefunnyin
thehead.Youknow.Justalittle...funny.Anduh,hewentanddidasillything.
(listens)
Well,I'lltellyouwhathedid,heorderedhisplanes...toattackyourcountry.
(listens)
Wellletmefinish,Dimitri.Letmefinish,Dimitri.
(listens)
Well,listen,howdoyouthinkIfeelaboutit?CanyouimaginehowIfeelaboutit,Dimitri?Whydo
youthinkI'mcallingyou?Justtosayhello?
(listens)
OfcourseIliketospeaktoyou.OfcourseIliketosayhello.Notnow,butanytime,Dimitri.I'mjust
callinguptotellyousomethingterriblehashappened.
(listens)
It'safriendlycall.Ofcourseit'safriendlycall.Listen,ifitwasn'tfriendly,...youprobablywouldn't
haveevengotit.Theywillnotreachtheirtargetsforatleastanotherhour.
(listens)
Iam...Iampositive,Dimitri.Listen,I'vebeenalloverthiswithyourambassador.Itisnotatrick.
(listens)
WellI'lltellyou.We'dliketogiveyourairstaffacompleterundownonthetargets,theflightplans,
andthedefensivesystemsoftheplanes.
(listens)
Yes!Imean,ifwe'reunabletorecalltheplanes,thenI'dsaythat,uh,well,we'rejustgoingtohaveto
helpyoudestroythem,Dimitri.
(listens)
Iknowthey'reourboys.
(listens)
Alright,well,listen...whoshouldwecall?
(listens)
Whoshouldwecall,Dimitri?
(listens)
Thepeople...?Sorry,youfadedawaythere.
(listens)
ThePeople'sCentralAirDefenseHeadquarters.Whereisthat,Dimitri?
(listens)
InOmsk.Right.Yes.
(listens)
Oh,you'llcallthemfirst,willyou?
(listens)
Uhhuh.Listen,doyouhappentohavethephonenumberonyou,Dimitri?
(listens)
What?Isee,justaskforOmskInformation.I'msorrytoo,Dimitri.I'mverysorry.
(listens)
Alright!You'resorrierthanIam!ButIamsorryaswell.Iamassorryasyouare,Dimitri.Don'tsay
thatyouaremoresorrythanIam,becauseIamcapableofbeingjustassorryasyouare.Sowe're
bothsorry,alright?
The Laramie Project
By Moises Kaufman and the members of the Tectonic Theater Project
On October 7, 1998, a young gay man was discovered bound to a fence in the hills outside
Laramie, Wyoming, savagely beaten and left to die in an act of brutality and hate that shocked
the nation.
Aaron McKinney was found guilty of felony murder, which meant that the jury could give him the
death penalty. That evening, Judy and Dennis Shepard were approached by McKinney's defense
team, who pled for their client's life. The following morning, Dennis Shepard made a statement to
the Court. Here is what he said:
DENNIS SHEPARD: My son Matthew did not look like a winner. He was rather uncoordinated and
wore braces from the age of thirteen until the day he died. However, in his all too brief life he
proved that he was a winner. On October 6, 1998, my son tried to show the world that he could
win again. On October 12, 1998, my firstborn son and my hero lost. On October 12, 1998, my
firstborn son and my hero died, fifty days before his twenty-second birthday.
I keep wondering the same thing that I did when I first saw him in the hospital. What would he
have become? How could he have changed his piece of the world to make it better?
Matt officially died in a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. He actually died on the outskirts of
Laramie, tied to a fence. You, Mr. McKinney, with your friend Mr. Henderson left him out there by
himself, but he wasn't alone. There were his lifelong friends with him, friends that he had grown
up with. First he had the beautiful night sky and the same stars and moon that we used to see
through a telescope. Then he had the daylight and the sun to shine on him. And through it all, he
was breathing in the scent of pine trees from the snowy range. He heard the wind, the ever-
present Wyoming wind, for the last time. He had one more friend with him, he had God. And I
feel better knowing he wasn't alone.
Matt's beating, hospitalization, and funeral focused world-wide attention on hate. Good is coming
out of evil. People have said enough is enough. I miss my son, but I am proud to be able to say
that he is my son.
Matt believed that there were crimes and incidents that justified the death penalty. I too believe
in the death penalty. I would like nothing better than to see you die, Mr. McKinney. However, this
is the time to begin the healing process. To show mercy on someone who refused to show any
mercy. Mr. McKinney, I am going to grant you life, as hard as it is for me to do so, because of
Matthew. Every time you celebrate Christmas, a birthday, the Fourth of July, remember that Matt
isn't. Every time you wake up in your prison cell, remember that you had the opportunity and the
ability to stop your actions that night. You robbed me of something very precious, and I will never
forgive you for that. Mr. McKinney, I give you life in the memory of one who no longer lives. May
you live a long life, and may you thank Matthew every day for it.
The Laramie Project
By Moises Kaufman and the members of the Tectonic Theater Project
On October 7, 1998, a young gay man was discovered bound to a fence in the hills outside
Laramie, Wyoming, savagely beaten and left to die in an act of brutality and hate that shocked
the nation. In one of 200 interviews conducted by the Tectonic Theatre Project members, one ER
doctor tells about his involvement. Aaron McKinney was one of Matthew Shepards two
murderers.
DR. CANTWAY: I was working in the emergency room the night Matthew Shepard was brought
in. I don't think that any of us, ah, can remember seeing a patient in that condition for a long
time - those of us who've worked in big city hospitals have seen this. Ah, but we have some
people here who've not worked in a big city hospital. And, ah, it's not something you expect here.
Ah, you expect it, you expect this kind of injuries to come from a car going down a hill at eighty
miles an hour. You expect to see gross injuries from something like that - this horrendous,
terrible thing. Ah, but you don't expect to see that from someone doing this to another person.
The ambulance report said it was a beating, so we knew.
Your first thought is... well, certainly you'd like to think that it's somebody from out of town, that
comes through and beats somebody. I mean, things like this happen, you know, and it happens
in Laramie... it offends us.
Now the strange thing is, twenty minutes before Matthew came in, Aaron McKinney was brought
in by his girlfriend. Now I guess he had gotten into a fight later on that night back in town, so I
am workin' on Aaron and the ambulance comes in with Matthew. Now at this point, I don't know
that there's a connection - at all. So I tell Aaron to wait and I go and treat Matthew. So there's
Aaron in one room of the ER, and Matthew in another room two doors down.
Then two days later, I found out the connection and I was very... struck! They were two kids!
They were both my patients and they were two kids! I took care of both of them... of both their
bodies... And... for a brief moment... I wondered if this is how God feels when he looks down at
us. How we are all his kids... our bodies... our souls... And I felt a great deal of compassion... for
both of them...
INEVERSANGFORMYFATHERbyRobertAnderson

MiddleagedGeneisacollegeprofessorandwidowerwho,tryashemight,hasneverbeenableto
lovehisfather,aselfmademanwhowasoncemayoroftheirsmalltownandwhoisnow80.Genes
fatherismean,unloving,ungenerous,selfish,andracist.Geneisforcedtodealwithhisfatherwhen
genesmotherdies,stallingGenesplantomovetoCaliforniawithhisnewfiance.

GENE:Dad,IaskedyoutocomewithmetoCalifornia.Whatdoyouwant?Whatthehelldoyou
want?IfIlivedheretherestofmylife,itwouldn'tbeenoughforyou.I'vetried,Goddamnit,I've
triedtobethedutifulson,tomaintaintheimageofthegoodson...Commandedintoyourpresence
oneveryconceivableoccasion...Easter,Christmas,Birthdays,Thanksgiving...EventhatThanksgiving
whenCarolwasdying,andIwasstayingwithherinthehospital."Wemissyouso.Ourdayisnothing
withoutyou.Couldn'tyoucomeupforanhourortwoafteryouleaveCarol?"Youhadnoregardfor
whatwasreallygoingon...Mywifewasdying!No,Dad,it'snotterribletowanttoseeyourson.Itis
terribletowanttopossesshim...entirelyandcompletely!UNGRATEFUL!?Whatdoyouwantfor
gratitude?Nothing,nothingwouldbeenough.Youhaveresentedeverythingyouevergaveme.The
orphanboyinyouhasresentedeverything.I'msorryashellaboutyourmiserablechildhood.WhenI
wasakid,andyoutoldmethosestories,Iusedtogouptomyroomatnightandcry.Butthereis
nothingIcandoaboutit..anditdoesnotexcuseeverything...Iamgratefultoyou.Ialsoadmireyou
andrespectyou,andstandinaweofwhatyouhavedonewithyourlife.Iwillneverbeabletotouch
it.Butitdoesnotmakemeloveyou.AndIwantedtoloveyou.YouhatedyourFather.Isawwhatit
didtoyou.Ididnotwanttohateyou.Icamesoclosetolovingyoutonight...I'dneverfeltsoopento
you.Youdon'tknowwhatitcostmetoaskyoutocometoCaliforniawithme...whenIhavenever
beenabletositinaroomalonewithyou...Didyoureallythinkyourdoorwasalwaysopentome?
Goodbye,Dad.
BOYSLIFEbyHowardKorder
Philistwentysomething,aNewYorkerwhoisaninnocent,vulnerable,anxious and nervous self-
dramatizerwhostiredofnotbeingtakenseriously. He regularly meets with his college friends to
complain about his lack of success in meeting the right girl. Here, at a park bench, he shares with
his best friend Jack the latest chapter in his unsuccessful pursuits with his best friend Jack and
describes the brief fling he recently had with the equally neurotic Karen.
PHIL:Iwouldhavedestroyedmyselfforthiswoman.Gladly.Iwouldhaveeatengarbage.Iwould
haveslicedmywristsopen.Undertherightcircumstances,Imean,ifshesaid,"Hey,Phil,whydon't
youjustcutyourwristsopen?"Well,comeon,butifseriously...Weclicked,weconnectedonso
manythings,rightoffthebat,wetalkedaboutGodforthreehoursonce.Idon'tknowwhatgoodit
did,butthatintensity...andthefirsttimewewenttobed,Ididn'teventouchher.Ididn'twantto,
understandwhatI'msaying?Andyouknow,Iplayeditverycasually,because,allright,I'vehadsome
roughexperiences,I'mthefirsttoadmit,butafteracoupleweeksIcouldfeelwewererightthere,so
Ilaiditdown,everythingIwantedtotellher,and...andshesaystome,shesays..."Nobodyshould
everneedanotherpersonthatbadly."Doyoubelievethat?"Nobodyshouldever...!"Whatisthat?Is
thatsomethingyousawonTV?Idumpmyheartonthetable,yougivemeDr.JoyceBrothers?
"Need,need,"I'msayingIloveyou,isthatsowrong?Isthatnotallowedanymore?(Pause.)Andso
whatifIdidneedher?Isthatsobad?Allright,crucifyme,Ineededher!Sowhat!Idon'twanttobe
bymyself,I'mbymyselfIfeellikeI'mgoingoutofmymind,Ido.Isitthere,I'mthinkingforgetit,I'm
notgonnamakeitthroughthenexttenseconds.Ijustcan'tstandit.ButIdo,somehow,Igetthrough
thetenseconds,butthenIhavetodoitalloveragain,causetheyjustkeepcoming,allthese...
Seconds,floatingby,whileI'mwaitingforsomethingtohappen,Idon'tknowwhat,acarwreck,a
nuclearwarorsomething,thatsoundsawfulbutatleastthere'dbethisinstantwhenI'dknowIwas
alive.Justonce.CauseIlookinthemirror,andIcantbelieveImreallythere.Icantbelievethats
me.AndIdontknowwhoIam,orwhereImgoing.AndIwishIdneverbeenborn.Notonlythat,my
hairisfallingout,andthatreallysucks.
THEGOATorWhoisSylvia?byEdwardAlbee

Inthisblackcomedy(playedstraight),teenageBillyhasrecentlylearnedthathisfatherishavingasexualaffair
withagoat.Billy,whoisgay,revealsinthismonologuehisunwholesomeloveforhisfather.(Rightafterthis
speech,Billyintimatelykisseshisfather.)Billyisalonewithfatherwhenhedeliversthisspeech;Billyhasbeen
crying.

Theyaskedusatschoolwhen?Lastweek,lastmonth?theyaskedeachofusinthisclasstotalkabouthow
normalourliveswere,how...howconventionalitallwasandhowdidwefeelaboutitAndalotoftheguys
gotupandtalkedaboutyouknowourhomelives,howourparentsgeton,andall,anditwasntvery
specialexcepttheguyswhoseparentsaredivorcedoronehasdiedorgonecrazy,orwhateverGoodprivate
school.Allguys,too;thanks.Imean,itwasallaboutwhatyoudexpect.Maybeeverybodyleftallthejuicy
stuffout,ortheydidntknowitSo,itwasallprettydull,prettymuchwhatyoudexpectYouknowwhatIm
goingtotellthemwhenIgetupthereonmyhindlegs?...IthinkwhatIlltellthemisthis:thatIvebeenliving
withtwopeopleaboutassplendidasyoucanget;thatifIdbeenborntootherpeople,itcouldnthavebeen
anybetter.No;really;Imeanit.Youtwoguysareaboutasgoodastheycome.Youresmart,andfair,andyou
haveasenseofhumorbothofyouandandyoureDemocrats.YouareDemocrats,arentyou?...Thats
whatIthought,andyouvefiguredoutthatraisingakiddoesnotincludemakinghimintoacarboncopyof
you,thatyourelettingmethinkyoureputtingupwithmebeinggayfarbetterthanyouprobablyreally
areThankyou,bythewayAnyway,youveletmehaveitbetterthanalotofkids,betterthanalotofMoms
andDadshave,alotclosertowhatbeinggrownupwilllooklikeasfarasIcantell.Goodguidance;itsgreat
toseehowtwopeoplecanloveeachotherAtleastthatswhatIthoughtuntilyesterday,untiltheshithit
thefan!...(Bigcryingunderneath)Untiltheshithitthefan,andthetalkIwasgoingtodoatschoolbecame
history.(Exaggerated)WhatwillIsaynow!?Goodnessme!TheGoodShipLollipophasgoneandsunk.(More
normaltone)WhatwillIsay!?Well,letssee:Icamehomeyesterdayandeverythinghadbeengreat
absolutelynormal,thereforegreat.Greatparents,greathouse,greattrees,greatcarsyouknow,theold
great.(Biggernow,moreexaggerated)ButthentodayIcomehome,andwhatdoIfind?Ifindmygreat
MomandmygreatDadtalkingaboutaletterfromgreatgoodfriendRossAletterfromgreatgoodfriend
RosswrittentogreatgoodMomabouthowgreatgoodDadhasbeenoutinthebarnyardfuckinganimals!!
Animals!Well,oneinparticular.Agoat!Afuckinggoat!Yousee,guys,yourstoriesareswellorwhatever,but
Ivegotonellknockyoursocksoff,astheyusedtosay,wipethetattoosrightoffyourbutts.Yasee,while
greatoldMomandgreatoldDadhavebeendoingthegreatoldparentthing,oneofthemhasbeen
underneaththehouse,downinthecellar,diggingapitsodeep!,sowide!,soHUGE!...wellallfallinand
(cryingnow)andneverbeabletoclimboutagainnomatterhowmuchwewantto,howhardwetry.
Andyousee,kids,fellowstudents,yousee,Ilovethesepeople.Ilovethemanwhosbeendownthere
diggingwhenhesnotgivingittoagoat!Ilovethisman!Ilovehim!Ilovehim!
LITTLEMURDERSbyJulesFeiffer

NewYork,1969.ThefreethinkingReverendDupasisahippiesortofpreacher,whoprobablygotordained
byrespondingtoanadinthebackofRollingStoneMagazine.HeismarryingtwoyoungNewYorkers,withthe
understandingthathewillnotmentionGodduringtheceremony.
DUPAS:Youallknowwhywe'rehere.Thereisoftensomuchshamaboutthisbusinessofmarriage.Everyone
acceptsit.Ritual.That'swhyIwassoheartenedwhenAlfredaskedmetoperformthisceremony.Hehas
certainbeliefsthatIassumeyouallknow.Heisanatheist,whichisperfectlyallright.Reallyitis.Ihappennot
tobe,butinasmuchasthisceremonyconnotatesanabandonmentofritualinthesearchfortruth,Iagreedto
performit.First,letmestatefranklytoyou,Alfred,andtoyou,Patricia,thatofthetwohundredmarriagesI
haveperformed,allbutsevenhavefailed.Sotheoddsarenotgood.Wedon'tliketoadmitit,especiallyatthe
weddingceremony,butit'sinthebackofallourminds,isn'tit?Howlongwillitlast?Weallthinkthat,don't
we?Wedon'tliketobringitoutintheopen,butweallthinkthat.Well,Isaywhynotbringitoutintheopen?
Whydoesonedecidetomarry?Socialpressure?Boredom?Loneliness?Sexualappeasement?Um,Love?Ido
notputanyofthesereasonsdown.Each,initsownway,isadequate.Eachisallright.Imarriedamusicianlast
yearwhowantedtogetmarriedinordertostopmasturbating.(guestsstir)Pleasedon'tbestartled.Iamnot
puttingitdown.Thatmarriagedidnotwork.Butthemantried.Nowthemanisseparated,andstill
masturbatingbutheisatpeacewithhimself.Hetriedsociety'sway.Soyousee,itwasnotamistake,it
turnedoutallright.LastmonthImarriedanovelisttoapainter,witheveryoneattheweddingunderthe
influenceofhallucinogenicdrugs.Thedrugquickenedourmentalresponsesbutslowedourphysical
responses.Ittooktwodaystoperformtheceremony.Butneverhadthewordssomuchmeaning.That
marriageshouldlast.Still,ifitdoesnotwell,thatwillbeallright.For,don'tyousee,anystepthatonetakes
isuseful,ispositive,hastobepositive,becauseitispartoflife.Andnegationofthepreviouslytakenstepis
positive.Ittooispartoflife.Andinthislight,andonlyinthislight,shouldmarriageberegarded.Asasmall,
singlestep.Ifitworksfine!Ifitfailsfine!Lookelsewhereforsatisfaction.Perhapstomoremarriagesfine!
Asmanyasonelikesfine!tohomosexualityfine!TodrugsaddictionIwon'tputitdown.Eachoftheseis
ananswerforsomebody.ForAlfred,today'sanswerisPatsy.ForPatsy,today'sanswerisAlfred.Iwon'tput
themdownforthat.SowhatIimploreyouboth,AlfredandPatricia,todwellonasIaskthequestionsrequired
bytheStateofNewYorkinordertolegallybindyousinisterphrase,thatisthatnoonlyarethelegal
questionsIaskyoumeaninglessbutso,too,arethoseinnerquestionsyouaskofyourselfmeaningless.Failing
one'spartnerdoesnotmatter.Sexualdisappointmentdoesnotmatter.Nothingcanhurtifwedonotseeitas
hurtful.Nothingcandestroyifwewillnotseeitasdestructive.Itisallpartoflife.Partofwhatweare.Sonow,
Alfred.DoyoutakePatriciaasyourlawfullyweddedwife,tolovewhateverthatmeanstohonorbutis
notdishonor,inasense,aformofhonor?tokeepherinsickness,inhealth,inprosperityandadversity
whatnonsense!Forsakingallotherswhatashockinginvasionofprivacy!Rephrasethattomoresensiblysay:
ifyouchoosetohaveaffairsyouwon'tfeelguiltyaboutthemaslongasyoubothshallliveoraslongas
you'renotboredwitheachother?...So.Patricia.DoyoutakeAlfredhereasyourlawfullyweddedhusband,to
lovethatharmfulwordcan'twemorewiselysay:communicate?tohonormeaningIsuppose,youwon't
cuthisballsoff.Yetsomemenlikethat.Andtoobeywell,myveryfirstlookatyoutoldmethatyouwerenot
thetypetoobey,soIwentthroughthethesaurusandcameupwiththesealternatives:tobeloyal,toshow
fealty,toshowdevotion,toanswerthehelmgeneralenoughIwouldthink,andstillleaveplentyofroomto
dominate,aslongasyoubothshalllive?...AlfredandPatsy.Iknownowthatwhateveryoudowillbeallright.
AndPatsy'sfather,CarolNewquistI'veneverheardthatnameonamanbefore,butI'msureit'sallrightI
askyou,sir,nottofeelguiltoverthe$250checkyougavemetomentionthedeityinthisceremony.Whatyou
havedoneisallright.Itispartofwhatyouare,whatweallare.AndIbegyounottobeoverlyperturbedwhen
Idonotmentionthedeityintheceremony.Betrayal,too,isallright.Itispartofwhatweallare.AndPatsy's
brother,KennethNewquist,inwhosebedroomIspentafewmomentsearlierthisafternoonandwhose
motherproudlytoldmethedecorationwasbyyourhandentirely:Ibegofyoutofeelnoshame;
homosexualityisallright.
INNERBABYbyEricBogosian

ThismonologuecomesfromtheonemanshowPoundingNailsintheFloorwithMyForehead.Phil,a
motivationalspeaker,stridesoutontothestage,armsstretchedout,toapplause.

Thankyou!Thankyousomuch!Iamsohappytoseesomanyhappy,smilingfacesinthisaudiencehere
tonight.IamturnedonbythepotentialforchangeIfeelinthisroom.Icanfeelitcomingupoutofthe
audience,intomylegs,mybody,myhead.Iamexplodingwiththepowerofchangeinthisroomtonight!
Youknow,Igoalloverthisgreatcountryofours,takingtoaudiencesjustlikeyou,aboutchange,about
humanpotential.AndeverywhereIgopeopleaskmethesamequestion,theysay,"Philwhatisthesecretof
happiness?Whatisthesecretofjoy?Ofecstasy?"
AndeverywhereIgo,Itellpeoplethesamestory.Itellthemastoryaboutalittleboywhowentintoa
candystoreandallhehadwasanickel.

Hetookhisnickelintothecandystoreandhelookedatallthekindsofcandythatwasthere,andhepicked
outthecandybarthathewantedmorethananyother.Andhesaidtothemanbehindthecounter,hesaid,
"Sir,I'dlikethatcandybarrightthere."

Themanlookedatthelittleboy,lookedathisnickel,andhesaid,"Sorry,son,it'satencentcandybar,all
you'vegotisanickel."

Theboywasdisappointed.

Buthethoughtandhethoughtandhethoughtandhecameupwithanidea.Hesaid,"Whydon'twe
compromise?Whydon'twetakethatcandybarandcutitinhalf,andyoutakehalfandI'llhavehalffor
myself.How'boutthat?"

Themansmiledatthelittleboy.

Hesaid,"Son,it'satencentcandybar.Getyourskinnyassoutofmystore,getmeanothernickelandI'llsellit
toyou."

Andwiththatthemanturnedhisbackonthelittleboy.Andthelittleboystoodthere,dejected,rejected,
abandonedbythisman.

Andhelookedatthenickelinhishand,andhelookedattheman'sbroadbackturnedagainsthim,andthen
helookedatthecandybarhewantedsomuch.

Andyouknowwhathedid?Hereachedoutandhekindoftouchedthatcandybar...Andthenhereachedout
andkindofheldthatcandybar...AndthenheRANOUTthestorewiththecandybar.

Andashewasrunningdownthestreetherealizedsomething.Hestillhadhisnickelinhishand.Andinhis
otherhandhehadaWHOLEcandybar.

Andhewassuddenlyfilledwithatremendousfeelingofhappinessandjoyandecstasy.

Nowletmeaskyousomething:WhenwasthelasttimeYOUfeltthatgood?
ELECTRICROSESbyDavidHoward

Amournfulsummaryofabadmarriage,quicklyconsummatedinLasVegasandevenmorequicklydissolved.
Russelsitsinhisjailcellandtellsthetale.

Russel
YoueverbeentoLasVegas?...Itssomething,Illtellyou....Yougottagoatnight,though.All
thoselights,man,itssomething.(Helaughsalittle.)Somebodysaidtheymustabuiltitatnight,
causeitssodamnuglyintheday.AnDarrellsaidtheonlythingyououghttodoinLasVegasiseat.
Youtrytodoanythingelse,theyrejusttakingyourmoney...Course,youcandrinkfornothingif
yougamble,but...Isupposehesrightanyhow...youcantdrinkenoughtomakeitworthwhile.
So,wefigured,youknow,whatthehell,yougottadosomething,youcantjustsitthere...anyou
knowaswellasIdotheresnothingtodohereinYumaatnight...Thesungoesdown,thisplace
turnsintoadamngraveyard.FeellikeyoureinTubacorsomewhere.So,hecalledAbby,anwe
wenttogetSara.Shewasworking.SheworksoveratJerrysTasteeCone...UsedtobetheTastee
Freeze,tiltheyrunouttamoney.NowitstheTasteeCone...Anwegooverthere,ansaid,you
know,weregointoVegas.Youwannacome?Yousee,awomanlikeSara...
Imean,shewasprettyanall,but...thataintit.Itwaslike,whenIlookedather,something
happened...(Hepuzzlesoverwhathefeels.)Sheputahookinsideofmethatwasntevergonnalet
go...Iknewthat...Iknewthattheminuteithappened.So,anyway,weredrivinupthere.Were
outthereinthedesert,uppastNeedles,anyouknow,thereaintnothingoutthere.Itsjustblack.
AnDarrellpullsthecarover,and,Idontknow,runsofftotakeapissorsomething,anmeandSara
getoutofthecar....Abbywasasleep.Shealwaysdoesthatinthecar...Anyouknow,theres
nothingaround...Theonlylightyouvegotisfromthestars.AndImtellingyou,youlookupandyou
lookupandyoucanseethingsyouneverbelievedwereupthereWewerestandingthere,anI
couldfeelhertherenexttome...thatdarkallaroundus.AndIsaid,"Youknowwhyweregoingto
Vegas,dontyou?"Andshesaid,"Whysthat?"And,Isaid,"SoIcanmarryyou."Anshesaid,
"Bullshit."AnIsaid,"Iam.ImtakinyoutoVegas,andImgonnamarryyouwhenwegetthere."
Andshelaughs,andshesays,"WhyinthehellshouldImarryyou?"AndIsaid...(Histone
becomesmuchmoresignificantthewordsmeanconsiderablymore.)Isaid,"Causenooneinthe
worldisevergonnafeelwhatIfeelforyourightnow."(Thereisapause.)Hell,Idontknowwhatwas
inherheadtosayyestome,butshedid.IguessmaybesheknewhowmuchIwantedit...(He
thinksamoment.)Firstthingwedidwhenwehittownwasfindaplacethatwoulddoitforus.You
know,theyvegotplacesthatwilldoitallnight.Anwefoundone...thislittlewhitehousewith
electricrosesthatlituptheoutside,an...Imarriedher.Lateron,weweresittinginthisbar...
Darrellseatingshrimpcocktail.Youknow,fortyninecents.AnAbbysoverplayingthenickelslots.
Anthisguy...thisasshole,kenoplayer...Hesgotthisshirtwithflowersalloverit,andhishair
lookslike...youknow,Mr.CaliforniaDude.AnhessittintherelookinatSara...juststaringat
her,anyouknowwhatImtalkinabout...Hell,Iwantedtobreakhisgreasyneck.AnIsaid,"What
areyoulookinat,pal?"Anhesays,"Doyouownher?"AnIsaid,"Yeah,Ido."AndthenIbrokehis
friggin'nose.See,yougottaunderstand,awomanlikethat,geez,ifyoucouldseehowtheyare
aroundher.Istartthinkingaboutthat,and..somethinghappensinsideofme.(Itispainfulforhimto
speak.)Iadmitit...Ivehither...(Pause.)Well,whatdoyouwantmetosay?Imnotproudofit...
Sometimes,whenIdrink...allthemlooks...(quietly)Sometimes,youjustwonderhowstronga
personis,youknow?Godknows,Iloveher...Shesthemostimportantthingintheworldtome...
sheknowsthat,too.Nomatterwhathappens,sheknowsit.
TangledUpinBluebyBradBoesen

Amanhasconfessedhisloveforalongtimefriendandbeenrejected.

Yeah,soamI.(turnstoleave.Stopsshort.Pause)Youknow.Iknowthiswasbadtiming.Iknowyou
guys...Iknowyoujustbrokeup.Ido.ButeversinceI'veknownyou,you'vealwaysbeenina
relationship.Youalwayshave.Always.Andinthefew,brieftimeswhenyouweren'tinarelationship,
Iwas,sowe...Wejustnever...AndIknowI'vehadtoomuchtodrink,butIjustneedtofinish
thisnow,andsaywhatIneedtosay,becausethewaythings...Thewayitlooksnow,we'renotgoing
tobespendingsomuchtimetogetheranymore.(cuttingheroff)AndIjustneedtosaythis.Ineedto
saythis.Ineedtogetthisout.(pause)I'msorrythatIputyouthroughthis.ButforaslongasIcan
remember,sinceaslongasIcanremember,I'vebeensettling,youknow?Irememberitmusthave
beenseventhoreighthgrademyfirstgirlfriend.Imean,we'dtalktoeachotherinthehalls,andsit
byeachotherinstudyhall,and,nextthingIknew,shewascallingmeathome,askingwhatIthought
sheshouldweartothedancethatIhadn'tactuallyaskedherto.SoIguessshewasmygirlfriend.But
Irememberwalkinghomefromschooloneday,andthinkingIdon't,really,evenlikeher.Imean,she
wasnice,youknow?Ilikedher.ButIdidn'tlikeher.Sheboredmewhenwe'dtalk.ButIremember,
eventhen,thatlongago,injuniorhighschool,thinking,whatifInevermeetanyoneelse?Whatif
nooneelseeverwantstogooutwithme?Because,believeme,theoffersweren'tpouringinany
betterthanthantheyarenow.AndIreallydidn'tthinkIwouldmeetanyoneelse.(pause)AndthenI
metyou.(pause)Imean,youknow,severalyearslater,but...(pause)YourememberthefirsttimeI
sawyou?(shakinghishead)That'sthefirsttimewemet.ThefirsttimeIsawyouwasinthepark
aboutamonthbeforethat,ontheswings.(slightsmile)Youremember?IthoughtItoldyou.Itwas
reallylateatnight,andIcouldn'tsleep,soIwaswalking.Andyouweresailingbackandforth
inthemoonlightwithyoureyesclosedyourhairblowing...Evennow,whenIthinkaboutit,Ican
remembereverydetail.Andthen,whenIactuallymetyouattheparty,weweresogoodtogether.
Wewerejustsogood.Butyouwerewithsomeone.Andyou'vebeenwithsomeoneeversince.And
we'vegottentothepoint,now,whereIreallycan'timaginenotbeingyourfriend.Ican't...Ijustcan't
imaginemylifewithoutyou.(pause)YouaskedmewhyIneverstayedverylongwiththewomenI've
dated;it'syou.Becauseofyou.BecauseIdidn'twanttosettleanymore.I'vebeendoingitallmylife,
andIdidn'twanttosettle.AndeverywomanImet,everyone,Iwouldcomparethemtoyou,and
theyweren'tyou.Theyjustweren't.AndIrefusedtosettleuntil...untilIknewonewayoranother.So
don'ttellmethatI'mjustdrunk,orthatIdon'treallyfeelthewayIfeel,becauseI'vehadfouryears
tothinkaboutthis,andIknowhowIfeel.
BORNYESTERDAYbyGarsonKanin

HarryBrockisaselfmademanwhomadehimselfbysellingjunk,stealingitbackandsellingitagain,
amongotherinventiveschemes.Notacollegeman,notapatientman.Whenhegivesanorder,atthe
topofhislungs,ithadbetterhappennow;ifnotthingsmightgetphysical.HehascometoDCtotry
andpavehisownwaytoalltheWWIIdebrishecanget,withthehelpofawellpositionedsenator.
HereheagreestotalktoPaulVerrall,areporterforthemagazineTheNewRepublic.

BROCK:Mypointisyoucantdomenoharmifyoumakemeouttobeamug.Maybeyoullhelpme.
Everybodygetsscared,andformethatsgood.Everybodyscareseasy.Youcanthurtme.Allyoucan
doisbuildmeuporshutup.Haveadrink.Ithoughtyouwantedtointraviewme.(Apause.)Iwas
borninJersey.Plainfield,NewJersey.1907.IwenttoworkwhenIwastwelveyearsoldandIbeen
workineversince.Itellyoumyfirstjob.Apaperroute.(Hepronouncesitrowt.)Boughtakidout
withaswiftkickinthekeester.AndIbeenworkingeversince.ItellyouhowImthetopmaninmy
racket.Ibeeninitovertwentyfiveyears.InthesameracketJunk.Notsteel.Junk.Look,dontbutter
meup.Imajunkman.Iaintashamedtosayit.Lemmegiveyousomeadvice,sonnyboy.Nevercrap
acrapper.Icanslingitwiththebestofem!Itellyou.Imakidwithapaperroute.Igotthislittle
wagon.Soonmywayhomenights,Icomethroughthealleyspickinupstuff.Imnottheonlyone.All
thekidsaredoinit.Onlydifferenceis,theykeepit.Notme.Isellit.Firstthingyouknow,Immakin
seven,eightbucksaweekfromthat.Threebucksfrompapers.SoIfigureoutrightoffwhichisthe
rightracket.Imjustkid,mindyou,butIcouldseethat.Prettysoon,theguyImsellintoishandin
meanywheresfromfifteentotwentyaweek.Soheoffersmeajobforten!Dumbjerk.Idbesellin
thisguyhisownstuffbackhalfthetimeandheneverknew.(Relishingthememory.)Well,inthe
night,see,Imunderthefence(Ashovellikegesturewithbothhands)andIdragitout(Hedoesso.)
andloadup.(Putsstuffonhisback.)Inthemorning(Tracingthewaywithawidearc.)Ibringitinthe
frontwayandcollect!(Pocketsimaginarymoney,gleefully.)SoprettysoonIownedthewholeyard.
Thisguy,thejerk?Heworksformenow.(Happily.)Andyouknowwhoelseworksforme?Thatkid
whosepaperrouteIswiped.(Magnanimously.)IfigureIoweim.(Modestly.)ThatshowIam..
THENERDbyLarryShue

WillumCubbertisanarchitectandapushover.He'skindandintelligent,but"couldusealittlegumption."He
lacksthebackbonetostandupforhimself.RickhadsavedWillum'slifeinVietnam.Overtheyears,Willumand
Rickhadexchangedoccasionallettersandgreetingcards,andWillumhadpromisedRickthathecouldcometo
Willumforhelpatanytime.WhileWillumishostingadinnerpartyforhisboss,Rickshowsup.Hisawkward
mannerandinappropriatebehaviorthrowtheoccasionintoshambles.Rickdecidestomovein,andWillum
feelshecannotsayno.

WILLUM:Sixdays.Hasitbeenjustsixdays?Tothinkonlyaweekago,thedaybeforemybirthday
(hegivesasadlittlelaugh)Tansywasleaving,thehoteldesignwasbeingrejectedandrejected...I
foundoutIwasbeingauditedbytheIRSandinmyfollyIimaginedmyselfunhappy.He...hefollows
me.Heseemstohaveunlimitedtime,unlimitedfundsbrotherBobslifesavings,Iguesshe
takesaninterestinmywork,hegoeswithmeintotown.TheotherdayImnotsureIcaneven
talkaboutthisyettheotherday,IhadtotakeacommuterflighttoSt.Louisthatswheretheyre
buildingtheoutsideelevatorfortheRegencyandRickwantedtocomealong.SoIsaid,well,okay,
itwontbemuchfun,but.So,Rickcamealong.Everythingsfine,hessittingnexttomeonthe
plane,aDC8,Ithink.Heswearingalittlepilotshatheboughtattheairport;hesleafingthrough
aboundcopyofRedbook.Thensuddenlysuddenlytheplanestartsshaking,thesafetybeltlights
comeonpeopleareinfactstartingtogetalarmed.Sowhathappensinthemiddleofthis?Rick
jumpsup,standsinthemiddleoftheaisle,andshouts.(Findingitdifficulttosay.)andshouts
"Urinate!...Urinate,oryourkidneyswillexplode!"HonesttoGod.AndIthinkImeanImreally
prettysuresomepeopledid.Imean,hewaswearingthisdumblittlepilotshat,andthatwhite
shirtandtiehealwayswears.And,youknow,inapanicsituationlikethat.Anyway,naturally,the
nextthingwehearisthepilotsaying,"Weexperiencedalittleturbulencebacktherebutwereoutof
itnow,andwellbelandinginSt.Louisinoneminute."AndRickjustsatdownagain,withno
ideahowmanyofthosepeoplewantedtomurderhim.Ithinkheonlyescapedbecausetheoneswho
reallyhadthegroundsdidntwanttostandup.Itsahundredthingsadaylikethat.Littlethings
mostly,buttheyrestartingtotaketheirtoll.Imbecomingirrational,snappishIdontknowwhatto
do.
HELLONWHEELS:RevelationsbyTonyGayton&JoeGayton
1865.CullenBohannon,38,isaformertobaccofarmerandformerConfederatesoldierwhois
determinedtoexactrevengeontheUnionsoldierswhomurderedhiswife,Mary.Itisnight.Bohannon
sitsatacampfire,speakingto,butnotlookingat,aformerslavewithwhomheistravelling.He
speaksslowly,calmly.
BOHANNON:Igavemyslavestheirfreedombeforethewarstarted.Damnnearwentbrokepayin
theirwagesIonlydiditformywife.Isureashelldidntunderstandit.Itpissedmeoff,tellyouthe
truthWell,Maryhadawayoftalkinmeintothings.ItwantuntilIcomehomefromthewarright
then,actuallythatIunderstoodthatshewasright.IfoundMarywhereshewashanged,yknow,
butIcouldntfindmyboy.Wedalwaysplayhideandgoseek,andhedalwayshideupinthehayloft.
(Laughs.)Everydamnedtime,everytime.Hed(Chuckle.)AndIdjust,IdpretendlikeIcouldntfind
him.See,theYankees,they,theyburnedthebarn,butitwasstillstandin,and(takesaswigfrom
hisflask)therehewas.Upinthehayloft.Hisbodywascurledup,andhisarmswashugginhisknees
tohischest.Buthewasntalone.Bethel,thewomanwhoraisedme,shewaswithhim.Shehadher
armswrappedaroundhim,likeshewasprotectinhimfromtheflame.(Longpause.)Boththeir
bodies,theywerescorchedblack,fusedtogether.Couldntreallytellwhereoneofthemendedand
theotheronebegan.(Exhales.)AndIjustrememberstandinthereandthinkintomyself,Godsgot
afunnywayofteachinyouthings.Huh?

HOOTERSbyTedTalley

RickyisanineteenyearoldinCapeCodforanadventurousholidayweekendpickingupgirlswith
hisbuddyClint.NowtheyrebickeringoveragirlnamedCherylwhotheythinkmightbeinterestedin
oneofthem.

RICKY:Isthisfarenoughaway?Okay.I'mgladyouresatisfiednow.I'lljuststayoverhereanddoa
littlesunbathing.What?So,you'llcoughonceifthegirl'sadog,twiceforyoushouldshutupbecause
wemightwanttohitonit.Threecoughsmeansthey'reoutofrangeagain.Cool!Fourcoughscould
meanachickwho'skindofuglybutlookslikeshemighthaveanicepersonality,andfivecoughs
meansyougotapieceofhotdogstuckinyourthroat.Whatisthis,somekindofcollegetrip?The
guysdownatthefratcookedthisup,orwhat?Someplan.Lyingtwelvefeetapartandcoughing.
Soundslikeat.b.ward.Maybewe'llgetacoupleofnurses.OhhoHO!Idon'tseewhereyou'resuch
abigstudallofasudden,Mr.BMOC!I'mnotevengonnatalktoyouanymore,causeIdon'tneed
this,youunderstand?Idon'tneedthisadvice.Notfromold"ClinttheSplint,"strikeoutkingof
EisenhowerHigh.Theonlyplaceyouevermadetimewasinstudyhall!(pause,aslowlydawning
realization)Therealreasonyouwanttobreakuptheactissoyoucanhaveheralltoyourself.Idid
spotherfirst,incaseyou'rewondering.I'mkeepingyouinmysightsatalltimesfromnowon.If
you'replanningonsneakingoutandaskinghertogoforadrinkorsomething,youcanjustforgetit,
becauseI'llberightonyourheels.Idon'tknowhowyoucoulddothattoyourbestbuddy.Ihaven't
evenintroducedyoutothisgirl,andnowyou'repracticallyplanningtomarryher.Anddon'ttellme
I'mparanoid,becauseyou'vechanged,buster!You'vechangedfromhighschool,andIknowhow
yourlittlebrainisworking.GetridoftheoldRichard,right?Getheroffaloneandpouronthiswhole
lineofcollegecrap,right,howgoddamsophisticatedyouareorsomething,sure,ifshewon'tgo
downforyoushe'sboundtogodownforSilasMarner.AndwhoamI,I'mjustthisdumbschmuck
thatsellsPontiacsforhisoldma.Well,youknowwhatIthink?Idon'tthinkthisgirlisevengonnagive
youthetimeofday!Chickslikeheredon'thavetowastetheirtimewithassholes!Chickslikehercan
takeonegoodlookataguyandtellrightawaywhetherornothe'ssomekindofmoron!Justbythe
wayhelooks!Andoncethey'vemadeuptheirmindyou'readork,forgetit!
BUMSbyRobertShaffron

BROADWAYVIC:(Achant.)Sparealittlechange,yourluckmightchange.Sparealittlechange,your
luckmightchange.(Abeat.)Youbelieveinluck?Nevermind.Doesntmatter.CauseImabouttotell
youalittlesecret.ThisisalittlesecretIknow.Iknowitrightdowntothebone.Imgonnatellyou
thissecretsoyoucanknowthetruth.Thenyoucanstopwonderin.Andwhenyoustopped
wonderinandyouknowthetruth,thenmaybeyoullslipalittlesomethinintomycup.Youlikethis
cup?Foundit.Founditrightthereboutwhereyoustandinat.Seenamancomeoutthatlittlecafe
crosstthestreethehadthislittlecupinhishand.Droppedit.Droppeditinthegutterrightthere
boutwhereyoustandinat.Fat,shortlittleman.Hadthisbigcoaton,hadsomekindafurroundthe
collar.Haditturneduphalfuptohisfacesoitjustabouttouchhishatwhereitcomedownonhis
head,sosyoucouldonlyseealittlebitofacekinda,youknow,peekinout.Pinkface.Short,fatlittle
pinkfaceman.Ipickupthiscuphere,andIshookoutthelastfewdropsofcoffee,anIhelditoutto
thisman,say,"Sparealittlechange,yourluckmightchange."Sothisfellahelookatmehesay,"That
dontrhyme.Cantrhymechangewifchange.Cantrhymeawordwifitsownself."Isay,"Idont
claimtoberhymin.Imjustastinforahandout."Hewalked.Didntgimmenothineither.ButIgot
thiscupoffim,soIguessthatssomethin.
(Abeat.)Sparealittlechange,yourluckmightchange.
(Abeat.)Iaintforgot.Imgettintoit.YouwannaknowthatsecretIpromisedyou.Hereitis.
Whetheryoubelieveinluckornot,itstillis.Damn,thatsallthereis.Itsallluck.Goodluckandbad
luckanddumbluck.Everythingthereisandeverythingthereaintitsjustluck.IknowcauseIlived
luck.HowcomeImhereonthiscornerinthesepissypantstalkintoyouisluck.Maynotbegood
luck,butitsluck.Veryhappytomakeyouracquaintance.MynameisBroadwayVic.Thisheresmy
corner.Yougotadollar?
THREEDAYSOFRAIN,byRichardGreenberg

TheplaycentersonthirtysomethingWalker,hissisterNan,andtheirchildhoodfriendPip,whoallmeetinan
unoccupiedloftinlowerManhattanin1995todividethelegacyoftheirlatefathers,whowerepartnersina
renownedarchitecturefirm.Inanefforttobringsomepeacetotheirownlives,thethreesearchforcluesthat
mightexplainwhathadgoneonbetweentheirfathers,andthewomenintheirlives,decadesbefore.
FrustratedbythewillwhichthebuildingtoPipWalkerfindsandbecomesfascinatedbyhisfather'sdiary.In
thediaryWalkerfindswhatheinterpretsasevidenceofhisfather'ssilence,hisaloofnessandhisheartlessness.

WALKER:Itreallyisthemostextraordinarydocument.Thefirstthingyounoticewhenyoustart
readingisthestyle:Itdoesn'thaveone.Anditmanagestosustainthatforhundredsofpagesyou
flipthroughnarrativesofthemostwrenchingevents,andtheaffectisentirelyflatwaitlistento
thiswinterof1966youknow,whenTheoisgoingunder?Listentoourfather'srendering:"January
3Theoisdying.""January5Theoisdying.""January18Theodead."Imean,hispartner!Bestand
oldestfriend:"Theodying,Theodying,Theodead."Youcouldsingittothetuneof"ObLaDi."And
it'salllikethat.Everyentry.Yearsandyearsofwaitthisisthebestofallthefirstnotethe
kickoff,you'lllisten:"1960,April3rdtoApril5thThreedaysofrain."Okay.Look.Let's...
Reconstructalongwithmeforamoment.Youarethisyoungman.Ambitious,ofcoursewhat
architectisn'tambitious?Andit'sthatmomentwhenyou'resoburstingwithfeelingthatpeople
aren'tenough,yourartisn'tenough,youneedsomethingelse,someotherwaytoletouteverything
that'sinyou.Youbuythisnotebook,thisvolumeintowhichyoucanpouryourmostsecret,your
deepestandillicitpassions.Youbringithome,commencethefirstsacredjottingsthefeelingsyou
couldn'tcontain:"April3rdtoApril5th:Threedaysofrain."Aweatherreport.Afuckingweather
report!(Pause.)Youknow,thethingwithpeoplewhonevertalk,thethingisyoualwayssuppose
they'reharboringsomeenormoussecret.But,justpossibly,thesecretis,theyhaveabsolutely
nothingtosay.
ThisisOurYouthbyKennethLonergan
Setin1982,theplaydepictstwodaysinthelivesofthreecollegeageUpperWestSiderswhoare
fromwealthyfamiliesbutarelivingindopedupsqualor.Dennisis21andlivinginhisownapartment
onNewYorkCitysUpperWestSide.Grungy,handsome,veryathleticquick,fanaticalandbullying.
Hisparents(famouspainterfatherandsocialactivistmother)payhisrenttokeephimfromlivingat
homeandhemakeshismoneybysellingdrugs.Oneofhiscustomers:anineteenyearoldmisfit
namedWarren,showsupwithhisbagsafterhisfatherthrewhimoutoftheirhome.Dennisagreesto
letWarrenstay,temporarily.Inthismonologue,Dennisisfreakedoutafterlearningabouthisyoung
friend'sdruginduceddeath(hisnamewasStuartGrossbarta.k.a.Stuey,a.k.a.TheFatMan)
andgoesthroughastreamofconsciousnessspeechinwhichhepondersdeath,whathewantstodo
withhislife,hisfather'ssuccess,andhismother'semasculatingbehavior.Attheendofthe
monologue,hestatesthatheshouldcallhisgirlfriend.Thenhewondersifhecouldgetadifferentgirl
tocomeovertogivehimablowjob.Finally,heendsthemonologuebycontemplatingthesheer
beautyofhisowneyes.
DENNIS:Ijustcantbelievethis,man,itslikesocompletelybizarre.AnditsnotlikeIevenlikedthe
guythatmuch,youknow?Ijustknewhim.Youknow?Butifwehadbeendoingthosespeedballslast
nightwecouldbothbedeadnow.Doyouunderstandhowclosethatis?Imeanitsdeath.Death.
Itssoincrediblyheavy,itslikesomuchheavierthanlikeninetyfivepercentoftheshityoudealwith
intheaveragedaythatconstitutesyoursupposedlife,anditslikesototallyofftothesideitslike
completelyridiculous.Imeanthatwasit.Thatwashislife.Period.TheLifeofStuart.AfatJewfrom
LongIslandwithagrotesqueaccentwhosolddrugsandatesteakanddidnothingofnotelike
whatsoever.Idontknow,man.Imlike,highonfear.Ifeeltotallyhighonfear.ImlikeIdonteven
knowwhattodowithmyself.IwannalikegotocookingschoolinFlorence,orlikegointoshow
business.Icouldsototallybeacompletelygreatchefitslikeridiculous.Orlikeanactororlikea
director.Ishouldtotallydirectmovies,man,Idbeageniusatit.Likeifyoutaketheaverageperson
withtheaveragesensibilityorsenseofhumororthewaytheylookattheworldandwhatthoughts
theyhaveorwhattheythink,andyoucompareittothewayIlookatshitandtheshitIcomeupwith
tosay,orjusttheslantIputonshit,theresjustnocomparisonatall.Icouldtotallymakemovies,
man,Iwouldbelikeoneofthegreatestmoviemakersofalltime.PlusIamlikesomuchbetterat
sportsthananyoneIknowexceptWallyandthosebigblackbasketballplayers,man,butItotally
playedwiththoseguysandcompletelyearnedtheirrespect,andWallywaslike,Denny,man,you
aretheonlywhitefriendIhavewhoIcantakeuptownandhangoutwithmyfriendsandnotbe
embarrassed.BecauseIjustgoupthereandhangoutwiththemandlikegetthemsomuchmore
stonedthantheyveeverbeenintheirlifeandlikeamcompletelynotintimidatedbythematall.You
know?
(Cont.onnextpage)

THISISOURYOUTH(Dennis),PARTTWO
DENNIS:Imhighonfear,man.Iamcompletelystonedoutofmymindonfear.Andlikeyouguys
thinkImliketotallyconfidentandontopofit,butitsnottrueatall.Myfuckinmotherissofuckin
harshandwildlyextremethatIjustgottrainedtosnapbacktwiceashardtheminuteanybodystarts
tofuckwithme.ThatshowIfightwithValerie.Liketheminutewegetintoanargumentwhatever
shesaystomeIjustdoubleitandtotallygetinherfaceuntilshebacksdownorhastolike,leavethe
room.Anditcompletelyworkstoo,becauseIdonthavetotakeanyoftheshitIseeallmymale
friendstakingfromtheirfuckingirlfriends,orliketheshitmyfathertakesfrommymother.Imeanall
hedoesisfuckinlorditovereverybodyman,overallmybrothersandsistersandlikeallhisfuckin
assistantsandhisdealersandagentsandlikeallthesefuckincelebritieswhobuyhisart,becausehe
toallyknowsthatheslikeacompletelivinggeniusandsoheslike,WhyshouldIspendtwominutes
talkingtoanybodyIdontwantto?Exceptnowhesliketorturingeveryoneconstantlybecausehe
basicallyneverdoesnthavetopee,andmymotherisfreakingoutbecauseshesworkingfourteen
hoursadaybecausetheycutthemoneyoutofallherprogramsandshestotallypredictingmajor
innercitycatastropheinyearstocome,andshecompletelyhashisballsinavice.Sheslike,Eddie,
youreanasshole.Eddie,nobodygivesashitifyouhavetopee:Youalwayshavetopee,soshutup.
Shejusttrampleshim,man.Sheslike,Nomatterwhatyoudoitdoesntmatter,becauseallyoudo
issellabunchofpaintingstolikeonepercentofthepopulationandImoutthereeverydaylike,
savingchildrenslivesandtryingtohelprealpeoplewhoarebeingdestroyedbyRonaldReaganSo
whateveryoudoandhoweverfamousyouareitsjustatotaltissueofconceit,becauseitsgot
nothingtodowithanybodybutrichpeople.
(Cont.onnextpage)
THISISOURYOUTH(Dennis),PARTTHREE
Shejustmakestotalemasculatedmincemeatoutofhimandtheonlythinghecandotofightbackis
gofucksometwentyyearoldgroupie,onlynowhecantdothatanymorebecausehessosick,so
hesjusttotallyinherpower,andallhecandoistortureherfromlikeatotallyweakerposition,and
sheslikelaughinginhisface.Myfamilyissick,man,theyresick.Youthinkyourfuckinfatheris
crazy?Whatislikeeverywherehewenttotalstrangersworshippedhimasagod?Waittillhishealth
startstogo.Canyouimaginewhatthatslike?Likeseriously,whatdoesthatfeellike,tobelooking
aheadlikefiveyearsandnotknowingwhetheryourestillgonnabehere?Youcantotallyseewhy
peoplearereligious,man.Imeanhowmuchbetterwoulditbetothinkyouregonnabesomewhere,
youknow?Insteadofabsolutelynowhere.Likegone,forever.(Pause.)Thatissofuckinscary.Iamso
fuckinscaredrightnow.(Pause.)Igottacallmygirlfriend.Youhavetotallyfuckedmeup,bytheway.
Howemblematicofyourpersonalityisitthatyouwalkintoaroomfortenminutesandbreakthe
exactitemcalculatedtowreakthemaximumpossibleamountofhavoc,nomatterwhereyouare?
Youreatotaltroublemaker,Warren.Ishouldtotallybanyoufrommyhouse.Iamsokeyedup.I
cantshutup.IwishValeriewashere.MaybeIshouldcallthatgirlNatalieandseeifshe'llcomeover
andgivemeablowjob.Shereallylikesme,man.ShetoldmysisterIhadbeautifuleyes.(Pause.)Ido
havetotallyamazingeyes.Theyreacompletelyamazing,uniqueshape.Likemostpeoplewithmy
kindofeyesarentshapedlikethisatall.Myeyesareliketotallyintenseanddirect.LikeifIlook
peopleintheeye,likenineoutoftenpeoplecantevenholdmygaze.
ThisisOurYouthbyKennethLonergan
Setin1982,theplaydepictstwodaysinthelivesofthreecollegeageUpperWestSiderswhoare
fromwealthyfamiliesbutarelivingindopedupsqualor.
WarrenStroub,19.DrugdealerDennisheroworshipping,indifferentlyadjustedfriendWarrenhas
impulsivelystolen$15,000fromhisfather,anabusivelingerietycoonwhois"notacriminal,justin
businesswithcriminals.Afterlearningofhisfriendsdeath,Warrencontemplatesthewordsofhis
abusivefather,hissister'sbrutaldeath,andhowhisfathercametobethewayheis.
WARREN:Itissortofamazingthatoneofusactuallydied.Youknow?(Pause.)ItslikemyDads
alwayssaying,Doyouknowhowbadyouguyswouldhavetofuckupbeforeanythingreallyserious
everhappenedtoyou?(Pause.)YouandallyourfriendsfromtheUpperWestSidewhowenttothat
fuckinschoolwheretheythinkitsgonnacrippleyouforlifeiftheyteachyouhowtospell?(Pause.)
Doyouknowwhathappenstootherkidswhodothekindofshityouguysdo?Theydie,man.And
theonlydifferencebetweenyouandthemismymoneyItslikeabigfuckinsafetynet,butyou
cantstretchittoofar,man,becauseyoursisterfellrightthroughit.(Pause.)Butthefactis,hesjust
sofreakedoutofhismindthathedidsowell,anditallblewupinhisfaceanyway.Likehedidthis
greatenterprisingthingforhimselfandhisfamily,andmadeafortuneinthisincrediblytoughracket,
andgotahouseontheParkwithoutanyhelpfromanyone,andheneverfeltbadforanyonewho
couldntdothesamething.Butwhenhewasattheheightofhispowers,hetotallylostcontrolofhis
owndaughter,andsheendedupgettingbeatentodeathbysomeguyfromtheworldnextdoorto
us.Andtherewasnothinghecoulddoaboutit.(Pause.)Soforthelastnineyears,hesbeentrying
toliterallypoundhislifebackintoshape.Butitsnotreallygoingtoowell,becausehestotallyby
himself.(Pause.)Youknow?

ThisisOurYouthbyKennethLonergan
Setin1982,theplaydepictstwodaysinthelivesofthreecollegeageUpperWestSiderswhoare
fromwealthyfamiliesbutarelivingindopedupsqualor.
Dennisis21andlivinginhisownapartmentonNewYorkCitysUpperWestSide.Grungy,handsome,
veryathleticquick,fanaticalandbullying.Hisparents(famouspainterfatherandsocialactivist
mother)payhisrenttokeephimfromlivingathomeandhemakeshismoneybysellingdrugs.Oneof
hiscustomers:anineteenyearoldmisfitnamedWarren,showsupwithhisbagsafterhisfather
threwhimoutoftheirhome.DennisagreestoletWarrenstay,temporarily,butlacesintohimwhen
hecomplainsaboutDennisdemandforthemoneyowedhimforpastdrugpurchases.
DENNIS:Yeah,andIalwayssmokepotwithyou,allofyou,mypot,allthetime,likehundredsand
hundredsofdollarsworth.SowhyshouldntImakesomemoneyoffayou?Youfuckinguyslikegripe
atmeallthetime,andImprovidingyouschmuckswithsuchacrucialservice.PlusImdeveloping
valuableentrepreneurialskillsformyfuture.PlusImlikeprovidingyouwithpreciousmemoriesof
youryouth,forwhenyourefuckinold.Imlikethebasisofhalfyourpersonality.Allyoudoisimitate
me.IturnedyouontoTheHoneymooners,FrankZappa,ErnstLubitch,boxershorts,Sushi.Imlikea
onemanyouthcultureforyoupatheticassholes.Youregonnarememberyouryouthaslikeagray
stonedhazepunctuatedbyaseriesofbeatingsfromyourDad,andlike,myjokes.Goddamn.You
knowhowmuchpotIvethrownoutthewindowforyouguysinthemiddleofthenightwhenyoure
wanderingaroundthestreetlikejunkieslookingforhalfajointsoyoucangotosleep,becauseyou
scrapedalltheresinoutofyourpipes?AndyoubitchaboutthefactthatalongthewayIturnalittle
profit?YoushouldthankGodyouevermetme,youlittlefuckinheroworshippinglittlefag.

187byJoseRivera

TheCityofIndustry,CA.Presentday.FivePM.Abusstop.ALEJANDRAwaitsforabus.Shesexhausted
afterworkinganeighthourdayinafactory.JOHNcomesrunninguptoher.Hesrunalongdistance.
Heisexhaustedfromworkingthesamejob.

JOHN:TheressomethingIhavetotellyou......hi...hi...Imsorry,hi...(Catchinghisbreath.)IIdont
chasepeople.Ihavemypride,youknow.Pridesveryimportantthesedays.Notmuchofitleft.
Speciallywhenyoureworkingacrapjoblikeweare,huh?Theconditionsinthatplace...likeaslave
laborcamp...somegulag...Idontthinktheyregonnapassahikeintheminimumwage...lookslike
werestuckinthisDickensianhellforever...Dust,catcrap,badlighting,noise,filth,lowpay:its
immoraliswhatitis;butitswork,Iguess,andIdontlettheworkgetmedown.Ihavemypride,like
Isaid.ThatswhyIfeelweird,youknow?Chasingyou.Idontchasepeople.Hardtohavealottapride
whenyourewaitingforabus,Iimagine.(Beat.)IvegotanoldTbird.Twentytrillionmules.Butits
anasskicker.Redinterior.Originaleverythingexcepttheengine.WhichIrebuiltmyself.Youve
probablyseenitinthelot.Itsrightover...there.Icoulddriveyou...Imean,Iswallowedmyprideand
ranallthewayoutherechasingyoutoaskifIcoulddriveyouhomeinmyancientbutverycoolT
bird.Wanna?ImJohn.YourefromaSpanishspeakingcountry.Butyoudontlooklikealotofthe
Spanishspeakersattheplant.Youare,uh...well...theyrekindasmaller..,theyhavemoreIndian,I
guess,features..,dark...andeyesthatreallypenetrate...youdontknowwhattheirmindsare
doing...youlookintotheireyesanditslikelookingintoaninfinitetunnelgoingintothisdeepancient
placeandallyoucanseeisthisdarkalphabetspellingwordsandfeelingsyoucantread.Yourenot
likethem.Youreyesarentso...unfathomable.Thereslightinthattunnel.Asparkle.SomethingIcan
recognizeandread.Afriendliness.Likeyoudontwanna,youknow,cutmeuponsomeMayan
pyramidandoffermyhearttosomejealoushorriblegod.Yourenotgonnadothat!Theresa
frightening,primitivedistanceIfeelwiththeotherSpanishspeakersatwork.Butyouredifferent.
YoureadifferentbranchoftheSpanishspeakingworld.Whereisyourhome?Where?Oh,Argentina.
(Smiles.)Thatmakessense.TheressomethingmoreItalianaboutyouthanthoseGuatemalanchicksI
seeallthetime.ASophiaLorenkindaquality...

(Cont.onnextpg.)
187,PARTTWO
Whoa,backup...IknowyourenotSophiaLoren.Justwanttosayhello.Idontknow.Youdonthave
to...Idiota?Thatdoesntsoundlikeacompliment!Whostalkingaboutloveanyway?Ijustwanna
driveyouhomeinmycar.Idontwantyoutowearyourselfouttakingfourbuseseveryday.Idont
wanttoseeyoubreakingyourbackanymorethanyouhaveto.Imofferingyousomethinggoodin
yourcompletelycrappyday.Ididntimplyanythingelse.Youyoubroughtupsexandlove,not
me!Ihavefeelingstoo.LatinAmericansdontcornerthemarketonfeelings!Yeah,thatsfine.You
candothat.Yousaynoitsno.Imnotfromthe1950swhennodidntmeanjacktoaman.Iknow
what"pendejo"means:youcantcallmethatcauseIaintone!
(Slightbeat.)Iwasdrawntothelightreflectedinyoureyes.Itwarmsme.Idontgetenoughofthat
lightinmylife.ThoughtifyouspentalittletimeinmycarasIdroveyouhomeyoucouldtellme
aboutyourworldandIdbeabletoenjoythatlightafewextraminutes.
(Slightbeat.)BecauseIliveindarkness.Iliveinapit.Iliveamongthemolesandshrewsand
earthworms,alltheseeyelesscreaturesdigginginthecrapoftheworldlookingfortheirloveand
theirsex.YouretheonepersonIveseeninayearinthiscitythatsgotmorethansurvivalontheir
minds,whoselaughterIveheardlouderandclearerthanallthesoundsofallthemachineryinthat
damnplant.IthoughtIcouldliveonthatafewextraminutesaday.Tokeepmefromsuffocatingin
thedarkness.Youhavethatmuchyoucouldholdoverme.Thatmuch.AndIdonthaveanything.No
money,nodegrees,nofamily,nopolitics:justapatheticoldcarmyolderbrothergavemecausehe
feltsorryforme.(Slightbeat.)TheonlythingIhave,Iguess,isthatIlivehere.ImAmerican.And
yourenot.Ihavethiscountryanditslaws.Andyoudont.Youhaveyourpapers,honey?Youhave
thatgreencard?Youhavearighttobestandingherewaitingformybus?Usingupmyroadsandmy
housing?IveseenithappenbeforeIveseenthecompanycallImmigrationeverytimetheresa
littleagitationattheplant.Uniontalk.Unhappyworkers.Iveseenit.Itsnotnice.Theplacegoes
crazywhenthoseagentsappear.Youseeoldpeoplerunningprettyfast!IdlaughIwouldId
laughwatchingthoseprettylegsrunningfromtheINSlikeadog.
(Beat.)Imsorry.Forgetthat.SoundinglikeaNaziass.Idontmeantomakethreatstoyou.Imnot
thekindtodothat.IguessitstheonlypowerIthoughtIhadoveryou.AndIguessIdontevenhave
that.

KING LEAR Act I, Scene ii. The Earl of Gloucester's castle.

Enter EDMUND, with a letter
EDMUND:
Thou, Nature, art my goddess; to thy law
My services are bound. Wherefore should I
Stand in the plague of custom, and permit
The curiosity of nations to deprive me,
For that I am some twelve or fourteen moon-shines
Lag of a brother? Why bastard? wherefore base?
When my dimensions are as well compact,
My mind as generous, and my shape as true,
As honest madam's issue? Why brand they us
With base? with baseness? bastardy? base, base?
Who, in the lusty stealth of nature, take
More composition and fierce quality
Than doth, within a dull, stale, tired bed,
Go to the creating a whole tribe of fops,
Got 'tween asleep and wake? Well, then,
Legitimate Edgar, I must have your land:
Our father's love is to the bastard Edmund
As to the legitimate: fine word,--legitimate!
Well, my legitimate, if this letter speed,
And my invention thrive, Edmund the base
Shall top the legitimate. I grow; I prosper:
Now, gods, stand up for bastards!
THE TAMING OF THE SHREW Act IV, Scene i. Petruchios country house.
PETRUCHIO:
Thus have I politicly begun my reign,
And 'tis my hope to end successfully.
My falcon now is sharp and passing empty;
And till she stoop she must not be full-gorged,
For then she never looks upon her lure.
Another way I have to man my haggard,
To make her come and know her keeper's call,
That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites
That bate and beat and will not be obedient.
She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat;
Last night she slept not, nor to-night she shall not;
As with the meat, some undeserved fault
I'll find about the making of the bed;
And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
This way the coverlet, another way the sheets:
Ay, and amid this hurly I intend
That all is done in reverend care of her;
And in conclusion she shall watch all night:
And if she chance to nod I'll rail and brawl
And with the clamour keep her still awake.
This is a way to kill a wife with kindness;
And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
Now let him speak: 'tis charity to show.
Exit
MEASURE FOR MEASURE Act II, Scene ii. A room in Angelos house.
ANGELO:
From thee, even from thy virtue!
What's this, what's this? Is this her fault or mine?
The tempter or the tempted, who sins most? Ha!
Not she: nor doth she tempt: but it is I
That, lying by the violet in the sun,
Do as the carrion does, not as the flower,
Corrupt with virtuous season. Can it be
That modesty may more betray our sense
Than woman's lightness? Having waste ground enough,
Shall we desire to raze the sanctuary
And pitch our evils there? O, fie, fie, fie!
What dost thou, or what art thou, Angelo?
Dost thou desire her foully for those things
That make her good? O, let her brother live!
Thieves for their robbery have authority
When judges steal themselves. What, do I love her,
That I desire to hear her speak again,
And feast upon her eyes? What is't I dream on?
O cunning enemy, that, to catch a saint,
With saints dost bait thy hook! Most dangerous
Is that temptation that doth goad us on
To sin in loving virtue: never could the strumpet,
With all her double vigour, art and nature,
Once stir my temper; but this virtuous maid
Subdues me quite. Even till now,
When men were fond, I smiled and wonder'd how.
Exit
JULIUS CAESAR Act I, Scene ii. A public place.
CASSIUS:
I know that virtue to be in you, Brutus,
As well as I do know your outward favour.
Well, honour is the subject of my story.
I cannot tell what you and other men
Think of this life; but, for my single self,
I had as lief not be as live to be
In awe of such a thing as I myself.
I was born free as Caesar; so were you:
We both have fed as well, and we can both
Endure the winter's cold as well as he:
For once, upon a raw and gusty day,
The troubled Tiber chafing with her shores,
Caesar said to me 'Darest thou, Cassius, now
Leap in with me into this angry flood,
And swim to yonder point?' Upon the word,
Accoutred as I was, I plunged in
And bade him follow; so indeed he did.
The torrent roar'd, and we did buffet it
With lusty sinews, throwing it aside
And stemming it with hearts of controversy;
But ere we could arrive the point proposed,
Caesar cried 'Help me, Cassius, or I sink!'
I, as Aeneas, our great ancestor,
Did from the flames of Troy upon his shoulder
The old Anchises bear, so from the waves of Tiber
Did I the tired Caesar. And this man
Is now become a god, and Cassius is
A wretched creature and must bend his body,
If Caesar carelessly but nod on him.
He had a fever when he was in Spain,
And when the fit was on him, I did mark
How he did shake: 'tis true, this god did shake;
His coward lips did from their colour fly,
And that same eye whose bend doth awe the world
Did lose his lustre: I did hear him groan:
Ay, and that tongue of his that bade the Romans
Mark him and write his speeches in their books,
Alas, it cried 'Give me some drink, Titinius,'
As a sick girl. Ye gods, it doth amaze me
A man of such a feeble temper should
So get the start of the majestic world
And bear the palm alone.
MEASURE FOR MEASURE Act III, Scene i
CLAUDIO:
Ay, but to die, and go we know not where;
To lie in cold obstruction, and to rot;
This sensible warm motion to become
A kneaded clod, and the dilated spirit
To bathe in fiery floods, or to reside
In thrilling region of thick-ribbd ice;
To be imprisoned in the viewless winds,
And blown with restless violence round about
The pendent world; or to be worse than worst
Of those that lawless and incertain thought
Imagine howling'tis too horrible!
The weariest and most loathd worldly life
That age, ache, penury, and imprisonment
Can lay on nature is a paradise
To what we fear of death.
HENRY V Act IV, Scene iii
KING HENRY V:
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By J ove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires:
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England:
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more, methinks, would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made
And crowns for convoy put into his purse:
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
*This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names.
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.
MACBETH Act IV, Scene iii

MALCOLM:
Be not offended:
I speak not as in absolute fear of you.
I think our country sinks beneath the yoke;
It weeps, it bleeds; and each new day a gash
Is added to her wounds: I think withal
There would be hands uplifted in my right;
And here from gracious England have I offer
Of goodly thousands: but, for all this,
When I shall tread upon the tyrant's head,
Or wear it on my sword, yet my poor country
Shall have more vices than it had before,
More suffer and more sundry ways than ever,
By him that shall succeed
It is myself I mean: in whom I know
All the particulars of vice so grafted
That, when they shall be open'd, black Macbeth
Will seem as pure as snow, and the poor state
Esteem him as a lamb, being compared
With my confineless harms
I grant him bloody,
Luxurious, avaricious, false, deceitful,
Sudden, malicious, smacking of every sin
That has a name: but there's no bottom, none,
In my voluptuousness: your wives, your daughters,
Your matrons and your maids, could not fill up
The cistern of my lust, and my desire
All continent impediments would o'erbear
That did oppose my will: better Macbeth
Than such an one to reign.
TWELFTH NIGHT Act IV, Scene iii. Olivias garden.SEBASTIAN
SEBASTIAN:
This is the air; that is the glorious sun;
This pearl she gave me, I do feel't and see't;
And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus,
Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio, then?
I could not find him at the Elephant:
Yet there he was; and there I found this credit,
That he did range the town to seek me out.
His counsel now might do me golden service;
For though my soul disputes well with my sense,
That this may be some error, but no madness,
Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune
So far exceed all instance, all discourse,
That I am ready to distrust mine eyes
And wrangle with my reason that persuades me
To any other trust but that I am mad
Or else the lady's mad; yet, if 'twere so,
She could not sway her house, command her followers,
Take and give back affairs and their dispatch
With such a smooth, discreet and stable bearing
As I perceive she does: there's something in't
That is deceiveable. But here the lady comes.