G2E 5th Revision

GAMERS: SECOND EDITION
Sixth Draft
March 29, 2004

by
Matt Vancil
1
1. INT. DUNGEON - CORRIDOR

Torchlight flickers down a dark dungeon corridor. Three
figures turn the corner.

Turk, a massive armored warrior, leads them. Following him
are Fastidian, a robed priest, and Rennard, a swarthy rogue
in a black cloak. Bringing up the rear is Nodwick, a runty
servant with a large treasure chest on his back.

A door blocks the end of the corridor. Turk reaches for it,
but Rennard catches his arm. He points to cryptic runes on
the door. Turk yanks his arm away.

Fastidian grips his medallion, the Sunburst of Therin, and
chants softly. The Sunburst glows. The runes on the door
burst into flame, then die out.

2. INT. DUNGEON CAVE

A sliver of light pokes through a peephole in a brick wall.

RENNARD
Nodwick, stay here. We'll be back soon.

NODWICK
Aye, my lord.

Nodwick remains outside. The others enter.

Rennard spots the gap in the wall. Fastidian's Sunburst
flares.

Six Ghouls burst out of the floor. They are undead beasts
with sharp teeth and claws.

Turk kills three Ghouls with his axe. Rennard stabs one in
the back. Fastidian grips his Sunburst and points at the
last two.

FASTIDIAN
Turn!

The Sunburst flares. The Ghouls shriek and melt.

Rennard peers through the peephole. He waves the others
over.
2

3. INT. DUNGEON ROOM BEHIND THE WALL

Turk smashes through the wall with his shield. Bricks fly
everywhere.

Two Ghouls stand guard at another door. They lower their
spears and charge the heroes.

4. INT. DUNGEON ANTECHAMBER

Outside, sounds of a struggle and clash of arms drift
through the door. Turk kicks the door open. The heroes
stride inside.

TURK
Mort Kemnon!

Mort Kemnon broods on a black throne, shrouded in darkness.
His face is hidden in shadow.

FASTIDIAN
We're --

KEMNON
Doomed.

Ghouls pour in through entrances to the side of the throne.
They surround the heroes and cut Fastidian down. He falls
in a pool of blood.

TURK
Fastidian!

A Ghoul drops Turk to one knee. Others swarm him and hack
him to death.

Rennard finds himself alone and wounded in a circle of
Ghouls. He glares at Kemnon.

RENNARD
This doesn't end here!

KEMNON
It does for you.

3
The Ghouls stab Rennard. He falls on the corpses of Turk
and Fastidian.

KEMNON laughs, dark and deep.

CASS (VO)
Crap!

5. INT. GAMING STORE

Cass (Rennard), Gary (Fastidian), and Leo (Turk) share a
table in the back of a gaming store with Lodge, their
gamemaster. Gaming books and junk food cover the table.

CASS
Why didn't you turn those ghouls?

GARY
I lost my powers. How am I supposed to
turn undead without my powers?

LEO
Way to detect the trap, Cass. Very rogue
of you.

CASS
That was an ambush, not a trap. There is
a slight difference. I found the trap on
the door, didn't I? Next time, I'll let
you take it in the face.

LODGE
Hey, guys?

CASS
Nice job defending the cleric, Conan. He
lived for, what, six seconds? Real smart,
letting them kill the healer first.

LEO
I didn't see you helping.

LODGE
Guys? Hello?

GARY
Again, it wouldn't have mattered. I didn't
4
have my powers. I couldn't have healed
anyone anyway!

LODGE
Guys!

The others finally look at Lodge.

LODGE
Guys, chill. It's nobody's fault.

LEO
(to GARY)
If he hadn't cut you off, we totally
would've had him.

GARY
I didn't know that was even possible,
cutting off a cleric from his God.

CASS
It's not. Not in the core rules, it
isn't.

LODGE
I told you I'd be taking some liberties
with the rules.

CASS
You broke a basic rule of the game. Why
play a cleric if you can strip him of his
powers? That's just broken. It's way too
powerful.

LODGE
Yeah, but this villain is that powerful.
It fits the world.

CASS
It doesn't fit the rules!

LODGE
Setting trumps rules!

Cass and Lodge glower at each other. An Employee approaches
Leo and takes his ear.

5
EMPLOYEE
Boss, can I grab you?

LEO
I'll be a minute. Argue on.

LEO gets up and leads EMPLOYEE to the back of the store.

LODGE
What's more important, an original
fantasy world, or another cookie cutter
setting with no real surprises? You
need to be willing to interact with
the world! Isn't that the goal?

CASS
I play to win.

LODGE
This isn't a video game! I'm your
storyteller, not your referee.

CASS
You should have at least told us that in
your world, a cleric can be cut off from
his god.

LODGE
Why should I have told you that?

CASS
(to GARY)
Gary, would you have played a cleric if
you knew Lodge could shut him down?

GARY
Hell, no.

LODGE
That's player knowledge, not character
knowledge. You'd know, but your character
wouldn't.

CASS
That is so cheap! It is not cool to let
a character advance that far only to
pull something like that on him.
6

LODGE
It was supposed to be a nasty surprise, a
challenge you weren't expecting!

CASS
And because it was so unexpected, the
party died. This is what happens when you
mess with the rules. I mean, what were
you thinking?

LODGE
Oh, I don't know, that maybe it'd actually
force you to role play.

CASS
What do you think we were doing?

LODGE slumps in his chair. LEO returns to the table.

LEO
Same time next week?

GARY
I'm good.

LEO
We're getting a new sci-fi board game,
if you guys want to try it. Looks
pretty cool.

CASS
No, we're doing this one again.

LEO
This same campaign?

GARY
We've done it twice already!

LODGE
You want to do my campaign again? If
you're willing to, that's great. It'll
help me flesh out the world. I thought
I had it balanced this time, but --

Cass interrupts Lodge.
7

CASS
I've beaten every game I've ever played.
I have a reputation. There is not a game
on these shelves that can beat me. What
kind of gamer would I be if I let an
unpublished mod get the best of us?

LODGE
Thanks, Cass, that's real thoughtful.

6. INT. LODGE'S APARTMENT NIGHT

Lodge drops a stack of books on his coffee table. Guen, his
cat, meows for attention. Lodge pets him.

7. INT. LODGE'S STUDY NIGHT

Lodge drops into his computer chair and kills the
screensaver. On screen is a document reading: "Chapter
One." The rest of the document is blank.

Lodge writes: "dick." He sighs. Then he highlights "dick"
and italicizes it. He sighs again.

The phone rings, startling him before he answers.

LODGE
Hello?

GARY (VO)
Hey, Lodge? It's Gary.

8. INT. GAMING STORE NIGHT

Cass and Leo are playing a board game in the background.

GARY
We need two more players.

LODGE (VO)
Dude, I've got work in the morning.

GARY
No, no, for your campaign.

9. INT. LODGE'S STUDY
8

Lodge sits in his chair, phone in hand.

GARY (VO)
It's why we keep dying. We need a more
rounded group.

LODGE
Yeah, okay. That'd work.

CASS (VO)
Bye bye, Caesar! Didn't see that coming,
did you?

LEO (VO)
You are so going down!

LODGE (VO)
You guys are still gaming?


Cass and Leo are completely wrapped up in their game.

GARY
We're playing "Time Felons." You get
to go through and beat the crap out of
historical figures. I totally bushwhacked
Lincoln.

LODGE (VO)
Don't you have class in the morning?

GARY
Yeah, in like five hours.

Leo rolls dice and cheers. He grabs a piece from the board.

LEO
Yeah! Take that, Jesus!

GARY
I gotta go. It's almost my turn.

LEO
Who's the Messiah now?

9

Lodge hangs up the phone and looks at the screen. He shuts
down the computer.

12. EXT. COFFEE SHOP

Pedestrians meander outside an independent coffee shop on
the corner.

MILES (VO)
How's the writing coming?

13. INT. COFFEE SHOP

Lodge shares a table with Miles, a bespectacled man in his
early thirties.

LODGE
I'm stuck. Blocked.

MILES
What's the problem?

LODGE
I don't know how to end it. I know what
needs to happen in the story, I just
don't know how to get there.

MILES
That's not good.

LODGE
I've been running my gaming group through
the world, but the party keeps dying.
They don't try anything new the next
time. We're starting all over again
once we find a couple more players.

MILES
What system are you running?

LODGE
Second Edition.

MILES
You like it?
10

Lodge smiles and nods enthusiastically.

LODGE
It's so much smoother than first. Combat
is cleaner, more character options. A
lot of streamlining, basically. Why?

MILES
I haven't gamed since first edition,
but I'd be totally stoked to join.

LODGE
Really?

MILES
You've been telling me about this world
for years. I want to see it published
as much as you do. If I can help, I will.

LODGE
What would you want to play?

MILES
I always played a good paladin. Have
they changed much?

LODGE
Not really. Got to be lawful good, no
dishonorable actions. You know, King
Arthur stuff.

MILES
Okay, then. I'm your paladin.

LODGE
Righteous.

Cass leads Joanna, his girlfriend, into the shop. She is
tall and beautiful, with long hair. Lodge waves Cass over.

LODGE
Hey, Cass. Miles here's joining the
group.

CASS
Good timing. I've found the other newbie.
11

LODGE
Do I know him?

CASS
Her. Joanna keeps nagging me to get
involved. I figure we'll make her a
fighter. They're easy enough to play.

Joanna comes to the table.

MILES
So, you'll be gaming with us?

JOANNA
Yes, finally.

CASS
See you scrubs tomorrow.

Cass leaves the shop.

JOANNA
See you at Leo's. I'll try not to slow
things down too much.

LODGE
If you're worried about that, you should
give this a look.

Lodge pulls a gamebook out of his bag and offers it.

LODGE
Player's Handbook. It's got all the
rules, everything you need to know.

JOANNA
Thanks, Kevin. I'll look it over.

Joanna takes the book and exits.

MILES
Kevin? Who the hell's Kevin?

LODGE
I'm Kevin!

12
MILES
You have a first name?

14. EXT. GAMING STORE

MILES gets out of his car and heads inside.


Cass, Gary, Leo, and Joanna share a table in the back.
Lodge waves Miles over.

LODGE
Everyone's here. Let's get started. This
is a mid-level campaign, so we'll be
starting characters at fifth level.

Cass passes Lodge a character sheet.

CASS
Here's Jo's character.

JOANNA
Hey, what are you doing?

CASS
I made a character for you.

JOANNA
I want to play my own character!

CASS
Yeah, that's why I made you one.

JOANNA
What, you think I can't make a character
of my own?

CASS
You've never played before. We're all
experienced. We know what we need in a
group. If you're going to be our fighter,
there are requirements you need to meet.

JOANNA
Like what?

13
CASS
The fighter needs to be the strongest
guy in the party, with a high armor class
and hit points out the ass. That's what
I made for you. And she's even female.

JOANNA
Let me see that.

Joanna takes the character sheet from Lodge and scans it.

JOANNA
Bikini mail? What the hell is bikini
mail?

CASS
Only the best armor a female can wear!

GARY
There's a picture of it right here.

Gary points out a busty barbarian woman clad in bikini
chain mail. She's swinging a broadsword.

JOANNA
You've got to be kidding me.

MILES
That looks like it chafes.

Joanna looks back at the character sheet.

JOANNA
She fights with a broad-sword?

CASS
Get it?

Leo, Gary, and Cass laugh. Joanna is thunderstruck.

JOANNA
Kevin, help me out here.

CASS
Kevin?

LODGE
14
Guys, she made a character. Let her play
it. We don't have a right to say
otherwise.

CASS
I agree with you in principle, Kevin,
but she's new. I don't want her to die
just because she's inexperienced.

JOANNA
What makes you think I'm gonna die?

CASS
History. New guy always dies.

JOANNA
I flipped through that handbook. I
think I got the gist of it.

CASS
Let's see your character, then

Joanna produces a character sheet from her bag.

LODGE
So, what's your strength bonus?

JOANNA
She doesn't have one. Her highest stat
is her intelligence. I put her other
bonuses in dexterity and charisma.

CASS
No strength bonus, no stamina bonus?
How many hit points does she have?

JOANNA
Let's see. [BEAT] Thirty-five.

Cass caws, incredulous.

CASS
A fifth level fighter with thirty-five
hit points? Yeah, she's really going
to protect the party.

15
JOANNA
I put all her feats in speed and precision.
That's why intelligence is more important
than strength.

CASS
They would be if you were a wizard. But
you're not. You're a fighter. A fighter
with a "kill me" sign on her back.

JOANNA
I spent two hours on this character, and
I'm going to play her, okay?

CASS
Fine, fine. When you die, you can play
bikini babe.

Joanna simmers. Cass smiles, satisfied.

LODGE
Are we okay? [BEAT] Okay. Gary, who're
you playing?

GARY
Check it out. I'm a multi-class sorcerer
rogue. Magic and stealth, baby.

LODGE
Cool. That'll help.

GARY
I'm also a chick.

LEO
Dude! Are you hot?

GARY
Sixteen charisma!

LEO
You want to have sex?

GARY
Totally!

LEO
16
Awesome! I seduce him. Her.

Leo rolls some dice. Joanna is stunned.

LODGE
Whoa, whoa, whoa! We haven't started yet.
You guys haven't met.

LEO
Yeah, okay. I'll seduce you later.

LODGE
After we've started, please. What are
you playing, Leo?

LEO
A bard.

LODGE
You usually play fighters.

LEO
I'm ready for a change of pace.

LODGE nods and turns to MILES.

LODGE
About your paladin. I'd like you to play
a Paladin of Therin. It's a prestige class
I created for the world.

MILES
Yeah, okay. If it fits the story.

LODGE
Therin's paladins get more spells and a
higher turn undead. However, if you lose
your powers, you bite it in a big way.

MILES
How bad?

LODGE
For something small, like taking a dump
in church, you lose your spells until
you atone. For something big, like
spilling innocent blood, you're cursed,
17
and you age one year per hour until
you redeem yourself or die.

MILES
Damn. I'll be good, I promise.

LODGE
Cass, you're up.

CASS
I'm playing a monk.

Lodge frowns. Cass's expression is challenging.

JOANNA
A monk? What's he going to do, copy
manuscripts?

LEO
A monk is like a kung fu monk.

JOANNA
Oh. [BEAT] That doesn't seem to fit.

LODGE
It doesn't. I told you guys, there
aren't monks in this world.

CASS
And I told you, if you're going to play
by Second Edition rules, then I can play
any basic character class. Monk is a
basic character class.

LODGE
Monks don't fit in a fantasy campaign!

CASS
The game designers would disagree.

LODGE
This game is set in a fantasized
western medieval period. There were
no kung fu monks in western Europe!

CASS
Then make some up.
18

LODGE
I'm not going to. This is my world, and
I say there are no monks.

CASS
Then we are at an impasse.

LODGE
No, we're not. I just won the argument.

CASS
Incorrect. If Jo can play any character
she wants, then I can play any character
I want. I'm asking to play a basic
character class, and you're blocking me.
You're breaking the rules. I play a monk,
or I don't play.

Lodge simmers for behind his GM screen.

LODGE
Fine, you can play a monk, but he has
to fit the world. He's got to be a
western monk. Think you can do that?

CASS
Of course.

LODGE
Good. Is that all?

CASS
I'm also an elf.

Lodge's face contorts in frustration.

LODGE
What? No, you're not!

CASS
Oh, yes I am.

LODGE
I told you guys, this is an all human
campaign! Elves don't exist in this
world!
19

CASS
And I told you, elves are one of the
basic player races --

LODGE jams his fingers in his ears.

LODGE
Can't hear you! The adventure's starting!
La la la, adventure! Adventure!

16. INT. THRONE ROOM

The King sits in his throne, his Herald to one side. Before
then stand Daphne (Joanna), Flynn (Leo), and Luster [F] a
coquettish young woman with Gary's features and dimensions.

Luster [F] wears a red dress and wields a crossbow. Daphne
wears lamellar armor and brandishes a spear. Flynn is clad
in doublet and hose with a mandolin slung across his back.

LODGE (VO)
We begin in the throne room, where three
of you have answered a summons to an
audience with the king.

KING
There is a great evil in our land: the
vile necromancer Mort Kemnon. Daily, his
power grows stronger. And it seems our
goddess has turned her back on us, for
she answers not our prayers.

GARY (VO)
Hurry up. I want to kill something.

LEO (VO)
Hey, can I seduce her now?

LODGE (VO)
In the middle of the throne room?

LEO (VO)
Why not? We've started.

LODGE (VO)
(warily)
20
Okay.

WE HEAR: dice roll

Flynn gyrates his hips at Luster [F], who melts. They run
behind a tapestry and copulate. Daphne hangs her head,
mortified.

KING
Mort Kemnon has uncovered an artifact
that grants him control over the dead.
It is a cursed item, the Mask of Death.
Destroy him and bring the Mask to me,
so that it may never be used for evil
again. I bid you good luck, and Therin's
speed.

The Hierophant, a priest clad in Sunburst robes, enters.
Silence (Cass) and Osric (Miles) flank him.

Silence's head is shaved, and he is dressed as a Franciscan
monk. Osric wears armor with the Sunburst emblazoned on the
breastplate.

HERALD
His Grace, the Grand Hierophant, Arch
Priest of Therin, Goddess of Light!

Hierophant bows to King.

HIEROPHANT
Majesty, might I address our heroes
before they depart?

KING
By all means, Father.

Hierophant turns to Daphne, then looks confused.

HIEROPHANT
I thought there were three.

KING
Her companions are fornicating behind
the tapestry.

HIEROPHANT
21
Ah. [BEAT] There are those who say that
Therin has abandoned us in this time of
darkness. Let me assure you, she watches
us always. But to guarantee your safety,
I shall send two heroes of my order to
accompany you. Sir Osric the Chaste --

Osric bows to Daphne.

HIEROPHANT
-- and Silence, an unusually stubborn
monk who wouldn't play otherwise.

Silence glares at Hierophant.

HIEROPHANT
Step forward, child.

Daphne kneels in front of Hierophant, who takes a beautiful
staff from Herald and presents it to Daphne.

HIEROPHANT
The Staff of Resurrection. If one of
you falls in your quest, it need not
mean your end.

CASS (VO)
How many charges does it have?

LODGE (VO)
Six.

Luster [F] and Flynn, disheveled, return from behind the
tapestry.

KING
Go forth, noble heroes! And may the
goddess lead your way.


LODGE
The city is near to bursting with a
flood of refugees fleeing the threat
of Mort Kemnon.

18. EXT. TOWN GATE
22

Peasants enter through the town gate. A Farmer is hawking
vegetables to passersby.

LODGE (VO)
Aside from yourselves, nobody is
leaving the town. A peasant farmer
is selling vegetables near the gate.


JOANNA
I want to talk to the farmer.

LEO
Why?

JOANNA
Well, if he's from out of town, maybe
he knows where the evil wizard is.

MILES
Good call.

CASS
He wouldn't know. He's a random NPC.

LEO
We've done the adventure twice before.
We know where to go.

MILES
We don't.

CASS
Theres an adventure hook in the
mountains.

JOANNA
I still want to talk to him. It's what
my character would do.

20. EXT. TOWN GATE

Silence, Luster [F], and Flynn wait impatiently by the
gate. Daphne and Osric address the Farmer.

23
OSRIC
How long have you been in town, stout
yeoman?

FARMER
Scarcely a day, my lord. The city is
More crowded than I had expected. I'd
go back to my farm if it weren't so
dangerous. There's goblins in those
mountains.

GARY (VO)
Boring!

CASS (VO)
If you could hurry it up, please?

LEO (VO)
The adventure's out there!

OSRIC
Have you heard anything strange in your
travels? Rumors of where Mort Kemnon
might be?

The Farmer flinches at the name.

FARMER
Please, good sit, don't use that name!

SILENCE
Time is wasting. We should be gone.

FLYNN
Let's go! Come on.

DAPHNE
What do you know of him?

OSRIC
The more you tell us, the sooner we can
make it safe for you to return to your
land.

LUSTER [F] starts casting a spell in the background.

FARMER
24
Well, it may be nothing, but I've heard
from the refugees that things are not
right in --

Farmer bursts into flames. A giant hand erupts from the
earth, grabs Farmer, and drags him underground.

Luster [F] morphs into Luster [M] (Gary). Luster [M] dusts
his hands.


LODGE, JOANNA, and MILES are staring in shock at GARY.

LODGE
What the hell did you cast?

GARY
Flaming Hand of Fiery Doom.

JOANNA
On a farmer?

LODGE
You cast a fourth-level spell on a zero-
level peasant?

GARY
Yeah.

LODGE
That spell is for killing demons!

Miles looks questioningly at Lodge.

MILES
Am I morally obliged to kill him now?

LODGE
What the hell were you thinking?

GARY
I just wanna get on with the story!

JOANNA
How are we supposed to trust you now?
We've just met! And the first thing you
25
do, after boinking a stranger, is murder
a peasant because you were bored?

GARY
I'm chaotic neutral! I'm just playing
my alignment!

MILES
I think Im morally obliged to kill
him now.

LODGE
Nicely done, Gary. Nice.

The GAMERS fume in silence .

GARY
How much experience do I get for the
farmer?

22. EXT. TOWN GATE

As the heroes stare at the smoldering remains of the
peasant, an Inquisitor clad in Sunburst robes approaches,
flanked by two Paladins.

INQUISITOR
Sir Osric, a word.

OSRIC
Of course, Lord High Inquisitor.

LUSTER [M]
If this is about that farmer, I
totally thought he was a demon.

Inquisitor ignores Luster [M].

INQUISITOR
The Hierophant begs an audience
Follow us.

Inquisitor and his Paladins turn. The heroes follow.

23. INT. CATHEDRAL

Clerics line the carpet on either side of the heroes.
26

Hierophant leans on a staff with a large amber gem, the
Heart of Therin, on top.

WE HEAR: the Hymn to Therin on pipe organ

LODGE (VO)
The Inquisitor leads you to the
cathedral, where the Hierophant
greets you.

HIEROPHANT
The goddess thanks you for meeting
me ere you continue on your quest.

DAPHNE
It is our honor, your Grace.

Luster [M]'s eyes latch on the Hierophants gem.

GARY (VO)
What is that?

LODGE (VO)
The Heart of Therin. Supposedly, the
gem is composed of solid light. It's
a holy symbol of the church.

GARY (VO)
So I probably couldn't steal it, then?

LODGE (VO)
That'd be suicide.

Flynn listens raptly to the music. He turns to an
attractive Priestess.

FLYNN
What is that heavenly music?

PRIESTESS
The Hymn to Therin. The anthem of our
goddess.

Flynn eyes her appraisingly.

LEO (VO)
27
I want to seduce the priestess.

LODGE (VO)
What? You cant do that! Shes taken
A vow of celibacy!

LEO (VO)
Dude, Ive got a plus twenty seduction!

FLYNN
Hey, baby, wanna tune my mandolin?

WE HEAR: dice roll

Priestess melts. She and Flynn run behind a row of pews and
copulate.

DAPHNE
Please understand that the horny bard
does not represent us.

OSRIC
Why have you sent for us, your Grace?

Hierophants smile fades. He motions to Osric.

HIEROPHANT
Walk with me, my son.

Hierophant heads down a corridor. Osric follows. The
Clerics prevent the others from following.

24. EXT. CATHEDRAL GARDEN

Hierophant leads Osric through a magnificent garden.

OSRIC
What troubles you, Father?

HIEROPHANT
The King says the goddess has turned
away from us. I know that is not true.

OSRIC
That is good.

HIEROPHANT
28
Would that it were so.


Lodge and Miles are standing away from the table in the
same positions as Hierophant and Osric. Gary, Leo, and Cass
strain to overhear their conversation.

LODGE
There is a reason the goddess does
not answer our prayers. She is missing.

MILES
Missing?

LODGE
We are cut off from her. I fear Mort
Kemnon has found some way to imprison
her spirit.

MILES
How is this possible?

LODGE
I can only surmise that it is tied to
the Mask of Death. It is imperative
that you retrieve it.

MILES
We shall retrieve it and bring it to
the king!

LODGE
I fear we may not be able to trust him.

26. EXT. CATHEDRAL GARDEN

Osric stops walking and turns to Hierophant, concerned.

HIEROPHANT
I fear the king, or those close to him,
wish to use the Mask of Death for their
own. [BEAT] You must bring it to the
cathedral so it may be destroyed.

Osric frowns, torn.

29
OSRIC
I have sworn a sacred vow to deliver
the Mask to the king. I am sure he will
Destroy it, for the good of the kingdom.

HIEROPHANT
We can only hope.

27. EXT. FANTASY MONTAGE

The heroes stride across the land. The land grows steeper.
Snow speckles the ground

LODGE (VO)
You strike out towards the mountains.
The road winds higher through the
foothills, and after a day you reach
the foot of the pass.

28. EXT. MOUNTAIN TRAIL HEAD

Tall pines flank a trail between sheer slopes. Snow lies
thick on the ground. Two signs guard the trail head. The
first reads: "Westhaven" and points along the trail. The
other reads: "Beewair thu Gobluns.

LODGE (VO)
A sign at the head of the trail catches
your eye.

The heroes survey the signs and eye each other.


LODGE has the GAMERS' attention.

LODGE (VO)
After a few hours, you stumble upon
a clearing in the pass. In the center,
you see a goblin totem.

CASS
It's a trap.

LODGE
Not necessarily.

30
Cass frowns patronizingly at Lodge.

CASS
When is it not a trap.

30. EXT. MOUNTAIN - CLEARING

The heroes stare at a black, twisted totem in the center of
the clearing.

OSRIC
We should not attract attention.

DAPHNE
Perhaps we can sneak around it.

Luster [M] and Silence shake their heads.

LUSTER [M]
It wouldnt be here unless we were
going to be attacked. The goblins are
just waiting for an excuse.

Daphne and Osric glance around. The woods appear empty.

DAPHNE
I dont know. The place looks empty.

Flynn hits the totem with a snowball.

OSRIC
What are you doing?

Silence karate chops the nose off of the totem. He taunts
the totem with it.

SILENCE
Got your nose!

OSRIC
Is this wise?

DAPHNE
Are you trying to get us killed?

LUSTER [M]
I believe that fellow is the Goblin
31
God of the Moon!

Luster [M] moons the totem. Silence and Flynn laugh.

LUSTER [M]
An offering!

Luster [M] farts at the totem.

Dozens of Goblins pour into the clearing from the trees.
They surround the heroes and brandish spears and bows

DAPHNE
Theyre so angry!

OSRIC
I wonder why. We only farted on god.

Flynn confidently takes his mandolin in hand.

LEO (VO)
Dont worry. Ill pacify them with
bardic music.

Flynn begins to play and sing.

FLYNN
Dear goblin friends,
Please hear my song --

Dozens of arrows skewer Flynn. He collapses.


Lodge rolls dice.

LODGE
Yeah, you're dead.

LEO
What? Goblin arrows can't kill anybody!

LODGE
Fifty of them can.

MILES
How many goblins are there?
32

LODGE
They're beyond count.

LEO
I'm dead!

LODGE
Everybody roll inish.

Everyone but Joanna rolls dice. Instead, she looks around
questioningly. Cass notices and sighs.

CASS
Initiative.

JOANNA
Right! To see who goes first.

Joanna grabs a 20-sided die.

JOANNA
Roll one of these dealies and add my
dexterity and intelligence bonuses.

CASS
No. You only add your dex bonus.

JOANNA
No, I get the intelligence bonus, too.
Thats what Keen Eye does, right?

LODGE
Keen Eye?

Joanna checks her character sheet.

JOANNA
Yeah. I add my intelligence bonus to
Initiative rolls. I wanted to be fast.

GARY
I should have taken that.

Joanna rolls dice.

32. EXT. MOUNTAIN CLEARING
33

The Goblins charge the heroes. They freeze in mid-charge
and bob back and forth, snarling but not attacking.

LODGE (VO)
Okay, order: Joanna, Cass, Gary, goblins,
then Miles.

LEO (VO)
And me?

LODGE (VO)
You're dead.

WE HEAR: dice roll

Daphne smacks the nearest Goblin with her spear. It
collapses. Joanna stands around expectantly.

JOANNA (VO)
Well?

LODGE (VO)
You get another attack.

JOANNA (VO)
I do?

LODGE (VO)
You also took First Strike. When you
drop an opponent with your first attack,
you get another one.

JOANNA (VO)
Cool!

WE HEAR: dice roll

Daphne whacks and drops another Goblin.

JOANNA (VO)
Critical hit! I get another attack.

MILES (VO)
Another?

Daphne skewers and drops another Goblin.
34


The male gamers stare at Joanna in surprise.

JOANNA
I took Expanded Critical, Critical
Momentum, and Precise Strike. I add
my dex and int bonuses to my crit
range, and I get an extra attack
whenever I land a critical hit.

GARY
What's your critical range?

Joanna checks her character sheet.

JOANNA
Thirteen to twenty.

GARY
Nice!

Joanna rolls the dice.

JOANNA
Critical.
(rolls die)
Critical.
(rolls die)
Critical.


Daphne drops the rest of the Goblins within reach. All
Goblins within five feet of her lie dead in the snow.

LODGE (VO)
Cass, your move.

Silence kicks a Goblin, who collapses. Silence looks
unpleased with his contribution.

LODGE (VO)
Gary?

GARY (VO)
35
Fireball!

LUSTER [M] starts casting a spell.

LODGE (VO)
That'll go off in two rounds. The
goblins attack.

The Goblins attack Silence, Osric, and Luster [M]. Several
more surround Daphne.

LODGE
Miles?

MILES
I'll use the Staff on Flynn.

A cell phone rings. Osric answers his cell phone.

OSRIC
Hello?


Miles is holding a cell phone.

MILES
It's the office. I'll be a minute.

Miles gets up from the table.

LODGE
Action?

Miles gestures towards Cass.

MILES
Oh, I toss the staff to him.


Osric tosses the Staff to Silence, then goes to the
perimeter to talk on his phone.

LODGE (VO)
Second round. Joanna, go.

36
Daphne drops more Goblins with more elaborate attacks.

LODGE (VO)
Gary, you're casting. Cass, then
goblins.

Silence touches the Staff to Flynns body. Flynn glows
unnaturally.

WE HEAR: angelic music

Flynn gets to his feet and immediately catches a volley of
arrows in the chest. He collapses, dead.

LEO (VO)
Damn it!

JOANNA (VO)
My turn!

Daphne kills the remaining Goblins with very elaborate
attacks. She looks around for more, but there are none.
Silence resurrects Flynn.

WE HEAR: angelic music

GARY (VO)
Done!

Luster [M] hurls a magical fireball at Flynn and Silence.

LUSTER [M]
Crap! Move!

Silence rolls away. The fireball explodes against Flynn.
The blast catapults Flynns corpse across the clearing.

Osric puts his cell phone away and joins the survivors.
They all look at Flynns corpse.

GARY (VO)
So, how many XP do I get for the bard?

37. EXT. FANTASY MONTAGE

The five heroes stride across the land.

37
LODGE
After the battle in Goblin's Pass, you
press further through the mountains.
When you come to the tiny village on
the other side of the mountains, it
is night.

38. EXT. MUDHOLLOW - NIGHT

A tiny village squats in the mud. The sign outside reads:
"Mudhollow".

LODGE (VO)
There's only one inn, and from the look
of the place, it hasn't had many visitors
recently.

The heroes tramp into town and head towards the inn, which
is the only building with any light inside.

39. INT. INN - NIGHT

A fire roars in the fireplace. The heroes share a table in
the center of the common room.

A Barmaid brings a tray of mugs of ale to the table.

LEO (VO)
Is the barmaid hot?

WE HEAR: dice roll

The Barmaid turns around. She is beautiful.

LODGE (VO)
Yeah, she is. Must you?

LEO (VO)
Yeah, I must.

WE HEAR: dice roll

Flynn whispers in Barmaids ear. They grab hands and run
upstairs. Luster [M] looks around and a second Barmaid.

GARY (VO)
I wanna seduce the other barmaid!
38

LUSTER [M]
Hey, beautiful. My spells require somatic
components.

LODGE (VO)
Dude, you're a chick.

GARY (VO)
Right.

Luster [M] morphs into Luster [F].

LUSTER [F]
How embarrassing.

OSRIC
We must not draw attention to ourselves.

DAPHNE
Agreed. We should keep our presence muted.
We don't know who may be watching.

SILENCE
Indeed. For only in hiding one's identity
can one truly be known.

Silence nods knowingly. The others stare at him.

The Innkeeper meekly approaches their table.

INNKEEPER
I am sorry, me old masters, but I'm afraid
there's no place for you here tonight.

SILENCE
Your inn in empty. There is plenty of room
for us.

INNKEEPER
Room is not the problem, Brother. The
truth is --

MORT AGRIPPA
The truth is, you're not welcome here.

INKEEPER
39
Mort Agrippa!

Innkeeper scuttles away. The heroes turn towards the
fireplace.

Mort Agrippa sits at a table by the fireplace. He lowers
his hood. Fine black tattoos cover his face. His eyes are
black as coal

AGRIPPA
You are most certainly not welcome here.

LEO (VO)
I run down to the others!

LODGE (VO)
You're occupied, horn-dog.

The heroes rise from their chairs, hands on weapons.

LUSTER [F]
And who might you be?

AGRIPPA
I am the new ruler of this town. You
are trespassing in these lands.

OSRIC
These lands belong to the king!

AGRIPPA
These lands belong to my king.

SILENCE
Mort Kemnon?

Agrippa smiles and nods.

AGRIPPA
My king has uses for uninvited guests.
He conscripts them -- into his army
of the dead!

Agrippa leaps up and hurls a smoke grenade on the floor.
Black smoke billows out. Four Ninjas step out of the smoke.

AGRIPPA
40
Die!

The Ninjas leap towards the heroes. Agrippa hurls a black
bolt of magic at Luster [F]. It wraps her in bands of
energy. She can't move.

LODGE (VO)
Gary, you're held.

Daphne spears a Ninja, dropping him. Osric struggles
against a Ninja. Silence matches two Ninjas move for move.

LODGE (VO)
Okay, Leo, you're in.

LEO (VO)
About time!

Flynn appears atop of the stairs, pulling his pants up.

FLYNN
Fear not, for I have returned!

Flynn plays an upbeat tune on the mandolin.

OSRIC
Dash it all, man, help us!

FLYNN
I am!

Flynn keeps playing. A thrown chair smashes into his head,
dropping him.

CASS (VO)
Paralyzer!

Silence rabbit punches a Ninja in the ribs. That Ninja
freezes, unable to move.

Osric pushes a Ninja away, then points his sword at the
Ninja. Osrics Sunburst glows.

OSRIC
Turn!

41
The Ninja shrieks and melts. Luster [F] breaks free from
her bonds. Daphne drops another Ninja. Silence kicks the
frozen Ninja in the face, dropping him.

Agrippa begins to cast a spell.

GARY (VO)
Counterspell!

Luster [F] waves her arms and chants. Agrippa points at the
heroes, but nothing happens. Silence rolls up to him.

CASS (VO)
Another paralyzer!

Silence rabbit punches Agrippa, who freezes in place.
Luster [F] pushes Agrippa into a chair. In the background,
Osric helps Flynn to his feet.

40. INT. GAMING ROOM

The gamers are on the edge of their seats.

LODGE
Mort Agrippa aint going nowhere.

CASS
Oh, monks you have a problem with, but
ninjas are okay?

Lodge ignores him. Leo leans towards Lodge.

LEO
Tell us where Mort Kemnon is!

LODGE
Do your worst. Kill me, if you dare. I
will never tell.

CASS
We'll have to torture him.

MILES
Whoa, now. Torture is dishonorable.
Osric can't allow that.

DAPHNE
42
Could you step out of the inn?

MILES
It's not that. Paladins cant let evil
happen if they know about it. It's
their alignment.

LEO
Then I'll distract the paladin. I'll
tell him there's a ninja outside.

MILES
Osric would never fall for that.

LODGE
Check your Cunning.

Miles rolls some dice.

MILES
Dang.

41. INT. INN NIGHT

Agrippa is tied to a chair. Flynn points outside.

FLYNN
Sir Osric, look! There's an evildoer outside!

Osric ignites with righteous fury.

OSRIC
What?

Osric draws his sword and runs outside. The moment he's
gone, Silence horse-punches Agrippa.

42. EXT. INN NIGHT

Osric storms out of the inn, sword drawn. Sounds of
Agrippas beating drift out of the inn.

OSRIC
Show yourself, villain! Thou canst
not escape my justice! Come forward,
so that I may smite thee with my
mighty blade!
43


Flynn watches Osric through the window. Silence and Luster
[M], who is male again, take turns beating Agrippa.

OSRIC
Come forth, ignoble cur! The light of
Therin shall illuminate your evil!

Osric looks around, discouraged.

OSRIC
I don't see anyone.

FLYNN
Hes over there!

Osrics holy fire reignites.

Luster [M] slaps Agrippa with his own hand.

LUSTER [M]
Why are you necromancing yourself?
Why are you necromancing yourself?

Silence breaks a chair over Agrippas head.

44. EXT. INN - NIGHT

Osric paces angrily, peering into shadows. Agrippas
beating is visible through the window.

OSRIC
The truth shall find thee, and descend
upon thy wickedness as an angel of
righteous fury!

Osric runs out of verve. He turns and sees the beating.

OSRIC
Deceivers! This ends now!

Osric storms towards the inn. His cell phone rings.

OSRIC
God damn it!
44
(answering)
Hello? No, you have to use the chooser!
Go to the file menu --

Osric stomps over to where its quiet


Agrippas face is swollen and bruised. He begins to laugh.
His laugh echoes unnaturally.

AGRIPPA
Death is only the beginning.

Agrippas body melts away. Only his gore-stained robe
remains. Osric enters and sees the sludge where Agrippa
used to be.

OSRIC
What happened in here?

LUSTER [M]
He beat himself to death.

OSRIC
Did he tell you where Mort Kemnon is?

LUSTER [M]
Not as such, no.

Osric throws up his arms and mutters to himself about
justice. Daphne turns to Flynn

DAPHNE
Flynn, did the barmaid say anything?

FLYNN
Oh yes, oh yes, oh gods, yes!

DAPHNE
About Mort Kemnon, dumbass!


Fewer Gamers are in the store. Things are winding down for
the night.

45
LODGE
The barmaid says Mort Agrippa came
from Westhaven. To get there, she says
to take the east road out of town.
You abandon the inn and take to the
road. You put some good miles between
yourselves and the town, and set camp
just a few miles out of Westhaven.

47. EXT. CAMPGROUND NIGHT

A fire burns in a stone circle.

Flynn strums on his mandolin while the others lounge about.
Luster [M] sidles over to Daphne.

LUSTER [M]
You're unlike any woman I've ever met.

DAPHNE
How do you mean?

LUSTER [M]
So fast, so strong. A man could lose
Himself in those eyes.

DAPHNE
I must remind you that you yourself are
a woman.

Luster [M] morphs back into Luster [F].

LUSTER [F]
Of course I am. [BEAT] I dont suppose
you'd be interested in a little girl
on girl --

Daphne points her spear at Luster [F]'s throat.

DAPHNE
You really want to finish that thought?

LUSTER [F]
I'll take that as a no.

Luster [F] slinks to her bedroll, where she studies her
spellbook.
46

OSRIC
Tell me, minstrel, what do you know of
this Mort Kemnon?

FLYNN
He is a servant of Death, an enemy of
light. That is all I can tell you.

OSRIC
What do you know of the Mask of Death?

WE HEAR: dice roll

FLYNN
The god of oblivion wore the Mask when
the Creator forged the world. It is said
whoever wears the mask becomes the
embodiment of the god he serves. Whoever
wears it gains his gods power

DAPHNE
Then Mort Kemnon has all the powers of
Death? How could Therin allow this?

Osric frowns uncomfortably.

OSRIC
It may be beyond her control. [BEAT]
The Hierophant says that Therin is
missing.

FLYNN
Missing?

OSRIC
Trapped. [BEAT] How is this possible?

FLYNN
I have no idea.

WE HEAR: dice roll

FLYNN
Actually, I do.

47
A random arm from out of the frame hands Flynn a 3x5 index
card. Flynn reads from it.

FLYNN
Long ago, young Jack Lightfingers stole
beauty from the mermaids.

Flynn looks off where the arm came from.

FLYNN
What the hell?

Flynn turns back to the card and reads again.

FLYNN
The Lord of the Sea was angry, and sent
his waves to drown Jack, but Jack was
too clever. He led the Sea King inland,
stretching out the waves, until too
little water was left to drown him.
Then, Jack trapped the God of the Sea
in a prison of ice, and ransomed him
back to the merfolk. [BEAT] Oh!

GARY (VO)
Boring!

DAPHNE
What does that have to do with Therin?

FLYNN
In all the tales I've heard, the only
way to trap a deity is in a prison of
that god's own element.

Silence nods sagely.

SILENCE
Individually, the four elements, like
man alone, are weak. But together, they
form the strong fifth element -- boron.

Everyone stares at Silence.

OSRIC
I tire of talk. It will be morning soon.

48
DAPHNE
We'll need our rest if we're to find
Mort Kemnon.

Luster [F]'s head snaps up from her book. Fine black
tattoos crisscross her face. Her eyes are black as pitch.

LUSTER [F]
(KEMNON's voice)
And what if I should find you first?

Luster [F] leaps up and hangs suspended above the ground.
The heroes spring up. Luster [F] writhes like a demonic
marionette.

LUSTER [F]
(KEMNON's voice)
You shall never retrieve the Mask of
Death!

OSRIC
I have sworn a sacred oath. I do not
fear you.

LUSTER [F]
(KEMNON's voice)
Then you are a greater fool than you
appear. Continue if you dare. Your
breath is wasted in pursuit of me.

SILENCE
You sound afraid.

KEMNON laughs darkly through LUSTER [F].

LUSTER [F]
(KEMNON's voice)
You dont believe me? Then come. Come
and face -- Drazuul!

Luster [F] falls to the ground, exhausted. Her eyes and
face are normal. The others rush to help her up.


The store is empty. Lodge checks his watch.

49
LODGE
And I think we'll call it there for the
evening.

GARY
What? It's still early.

LODGE
It's two AM.

JOANNA
What?

Joanna looks at the clock. It is 2:00. The gamers start
packing up their books and notes.

JOANNA
Oh, my God. I had no idea it was so
late.

CASS
See how it happens? You get so into it,
you can't help losing track of time.

MILES
When do we get to play again?

GARY
Same time next week?

LEO
Can't do it here. We're having a tourney
next week.

LODGE
My apartment? I've got plenty of space.

The other gamers voice their consent.

LODGE
Good. Bring your minis next week. Youre
gonna need them.

49. EXT. GAMING STORE NIGHT

Leo locks up behind everyone.

50
LEO
If this is about that farmer, I totally
thought he was a demon.

Leo and Gary laugh.

GARY
That was awesome.

Lodge finds Joanna standing alone by the bus stop. Everyone
else has gone.

LODGE
Need a ride?

50. EXT. STREETS NIGHT

Lodge drives Joanna through the night.

JOANNA
Cass tells me you're a writer.

LODGE
Sort of.

JOANNA
What do you mean, sort of?

LODGE
I don't write as often as I should. I've
got the story, I just don't
know how to write it.

JOANNA
Is that the story we're playing?

Lodge nods, a little embarrassed.

LODGE
I can't seem to get it down on paper.
I'll write one, maybe two chapters, then
burn out revising them. The guys are no
help. I want them to play realistically,
but they just want to win. It so doesnt
help?

JOANNA
51
You blame them for not being able to
write your own story?

Lodge opens his mouth to retort, then stops, thinks, and
shuts it. He looks thoughtful.

JOANNA
You're probably trying too hard. I do
a lot of workshops at the theater.
Youd be surprised how many would-be
playwrites are so caught up in the
telling of the story that they forget
to write it.

LODGE
What do you mean?

JOANNA
I mean, just write! It's the story that
keeps people interested as much as the
telling. Just write it. You can always
revise later.

LODGE muses on the advice. JOANNA points out the window.

JOANNA
Here's my stop.

51. INT. LODGE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Lodge opens the door and turns on the light. He drops his
books on his coffee table.

52. INT. LODGE'S STUDY - NIGHT

Lodge drops into his chair and kills the screensaver. He
erases "dick" from the screen.

Lodge leans forward and begins typing. The words flow out
of him onto the computer screen.

53. INT. THEATER

A Tech Crew is building a set on stage.

CAPTION: Sunday

52
Joanna picks up a wooden pole roughly the same size as
Daphnes spear. She stops to examine it and gets inspired.

Joanna whirls the pole around like a spear. The Tech Crew
watch. Joanna feigns landing a death blow with a yell. The
Tech Crew applauds. Joanna, embarrassed, bows.

54. INT. OFFICE

Lodge is busy typing in his office cubicle.

CAPTION: Monday

An Executive enters the cubicle. Lodge switches documents
on the computer before Executive sees them.

EXECUTIVE
Hey, Kevin. How's that manual coming?

Lodge spins his chair around to face him.

LODGE
I'm working on it right now, Mr. Walsh.
I'll have it to Editing by tomorrow.

EXECUTIVE
Good man. Keep it up.

Executive leaves. Lodge spins back to his computer and
switches documents. Dungeon schematics appear on the
computer screen.

55. INT. COLLEGE CLASSROOM

A Professor is boring his Students to death while writing
physics equations on the board.

CAPTION: Tuesday

PROFESSOR
Two vectors, A and B, are situated in
the XY Cartesian point plane, separated
by angle "Phi." The cross product of A
and B is equal to the product of A and
B times the sine of angle "Phi" times
the unit vector N.

53
Gary is drawing a sketch of Luster [F] casting a spell. He
flips pages to a picture of Luster [F] in the Marilyn
Monroe over-the-air-vent pose. Gary smiles.

56. INT. MASSAGE PARLOR

A Patron lies face down on a massage mat in a health spa
while Cass massages him.

CAPTION: Wednesday

Casss massages Patrons shoulders. He uses his elbows. He
leaps up on the table and uses a knee. He starts
shadowboxing. Cass loses his balance and falls off the
table. Patron looks up.


Leo sits behind the counter of the gaming store.

CAPTION: Thursday

Leo is filling out three or four character sheets. He has a
file folder full of character sheets next to him.

58. INT. CORNER OFFICE

A Manager paces impatiently while Miles works on his
computer.

CAPTION: Friday

MILES
I'm gonna have to take this down to IT.

MANAGER
What's the freaking problem?

MILES
Computer has about 800 viruses.

MANAGER
How'd those get there?

MILES
It might have something to do with all
those adult sites you visited.
54

Manager pales. Miles exits with the computer.

59. INT. OFFICE HALLWAY

Miles rounds the corner. Manager runs after him.

MANAGER
On second thought, leave it with me.

MILES
I have got to do a diagnostic.

MANAGER
I'll just buy a new one.

MILES
Sorry, company policy.

MANAGER
Give me back the computer!

MILES
I really can't do that.

Manager stops in the hallway. Miles keeps walking.

MANAGER
Do you like working here? I have friends
in high places.

Miles stops. He turns and glares at Manager.

MILES
And I've got an internet history chock
full of porn sites.

Miles points his cell phone at Manager.

MILES
Turn!

Confused and angry, but defeated, Manager turns and walks
back down the hall.

60. INT. LODGES APARTMENT

55
Lodge opens the door and welcomes the others inside.

CAPTION: Saturday!

Lodge leads them to the table in the living room. Guen
approaches and meows for attention.

JOANNA
Oh, what a pretty cat! Hello, kitty!

LODGE
This is Guen. You want to hold him?

JOANNA
Wish I could. I'm allergic.

LODGE
Oh. Is that going to be a problem?

JOANNA
Have you vacuumed recently?

Lodge looks from side to side, then lies.

LODGE
Yes.

JOANNA
I'll be fine, then.

Leo pulls Lodge aside. The others sit.

LEO
Can I bring in a new character?
Another bard?

LODGE
What's wrong with Flynn?

LEO
I permanently lose a point of Stamina
each time I get resurrected. My
Stamina's down to six. Six! If he
keeps dying, it'll almost not be worth
playing him.

56
LODGE
Good point. Sure, if you die again,
you can bring in a new guy.

Leo sits down. Gary lines up a stack of miniatures on the
table. Guen jumps on the table and sniffs the miniatures.

GARY
No, Mr. Kitty. Those aren't for you.

Gary puts Guen on the floor. Guen protests. Lodgesits.

LODGE
Okay, we left off a few miles out of
Westhaven. Everyone make a Cunning check.

The gamers all roll dice.

LODGE
If you succeeded, you wake to a strange
sound.

61. EXT. CAMPSITE EARLY MORNING

The campfire is out. The heroes lie sleeping under their
blankets. A disheveled Peasant rifles through their bags.

LODGE (VO)
A scruffy peasant is rummaging through
your bags. He's dressed in rags.

GARY (VO)
I waste him with my crossbow!

Luster [F] fires her crossbow at Peasant. Daphne leaps up
and knocks the quarrel away.

Peasant, panicking, runs for the forest, but Daphne grabs
him by his collar and holds him. The other heroes rise.

SILENCE
This man has stolen from us. He must
be punished.

OSRIC
Surely, you can see this man is starving.
Daphne, release him.
57

Daphne lets go of the Peasant, who collapses in fear.

PEASANT
Mercy! Mercy, my good sirs!

LUSTER [F]
I'm a lady, you fool!

GARY (VO)
I waste him with my crossbow!

Luster [F] aims her crossbow. Osric pushes it down.

MILES (VO)
What do you have against peasants?

PEASANT
Please, don't hurt me! Mercy!

LEO (VO)
I'll try to calm him.

Flynn plays his mandolin and sings. The music transfixes
Peasant.

FLYNN
Shut up, dear peasant.
Rest your head,
Or I'll let the sorceress
Kill your ass dead.

WE HEAR: dice roll

The Peasant is no longer panicked.

OSRIC
Rise, sirrah. You have nothing to fear.

The Peasant stands and bows.

PEASANT
Forgive me, masters. I haven't eaten in
days.

DAPHNE
Then let us feed you. Bard! Fetch some
58
firewood.

Flynn heads into the forest.

DAPHNE
What is your name, peasant?

LODGE (VO)
Crap, I didn't give him one. I'll call
him --

PEASANT
Willem, my lady. I live in Westhaven. Or
at least I did, until --

DAPHNE
Until what?

Peasants mood darkens. He stares at the ground.

PEASANT
The city's is ruined. Mort Kemnon's
Priests killed the others. I'm the only
one left.

OSRIC
Do you know where Mort Kemnon is?

PEASANT
No, my lord. Only the Fiend knows that.

OSRIC
The Fiend?

PEASANT
Drazuul.

The heroes eye each other upon hearing that name.

PEASANT
He led the purges. I'd rather not speak
of it.

OSRIC
Where could we find him, this Drazuul?

PEASANT
59
In the courtyard of the castle. I won't
go back there.

OSRIC
Then let us clothe and feed you, that
you might be safely on your way.

CASS (VO)
Okay, hang on.

62. INT. LODGE'S APARTMENT

Everyone is looking at CASS.

CASS
We don't have enough provisions to feed
a nameless NPC.

JOANNA
He's not nameless! His name's Willem.

CASS
We got what we need. Just leave him.

MILES
I am morally compelled to help him.
I cant knowingly allow him to keep
suffering.

CASS
And I can't allow you to deplete our
resources because you want to feel
noble.

This annoys Miles.

MILES
I'm just playing his alignment!

JOANNA
It's what our characters would do.

Gary whispers to Cass. Cass nods to Gary.

CASS
Let's role play through this.

60
LODGE
Excellent.

63. EXT. CAMPSITE

Silence approaches Osric and Daphne.

SILENCE
Sir Osric, a word.

OSRIC
Of course, Brother.

Silence leads Osric away, turning him so his back is to the
Peasant. Daphne follows.

SILENCE
Say I have two sons, one strong, the
Other meek. Both wish for schooling.
While I love them equally, I can only
send one. Whom do I choose?

In the background, Luster [F] starts casting. Osric nods
thoughtfully.

OSRIC
A stronger boy could go far with such
schooling. However, the son who is weak
in body might discover he is stronger
in mind. I would consider --

Peasant bursts into flames. Daphne and Osric spin around. A
giant hand erupts from the earth, grabs Peasant, and drags
him underground.

Luster [F] dusts her hands. Osric storms towards her.

MILES (VO)
That's it! Thats really it!

Osric draws his sword. Luster [F] cowers beneath him.

OSRIC
I smite thee, evildoer!

CASS (VO)
Paralyzer!
61

Silence punches Osric in the ribs. Osric freezes, sword
above his head. Luster [F] scrambles away.

LUSTER [F]
How long until he moves?

SILENCE
Twenty, maybe thirty seconds.

GARY (VO)
I cast Amnesia on Osric.

Luster [F] casts a spell. Osric stares off into space.

LODGE (VO)
Osric has no memory of the last two
minutes.

MILES (VO)
Nice dodge, Gary.

Flynn comes back into the clearing, his arms full of wood.
He walks directly in the path of Osrics sword.

FLYNN
I've got firewood!

LODGE (VO)
And you can move again.

Osric follows through with the sword swing, killing Flynn.
The bard collapses.

OSRIC
Crap. [BEAT] I have some atoning to do.

Osric strides out of the clearing.


Guen, entranced, watches from an end table.

LODGE
You find Westhaven in ruins. The castle
stands out amid the rubble, bleached
white as a skull amidst the ashes. Your
62
skin crawls the nearer you come to the
castle.

GARY
Detect Evil?

Lodge rolls some dice.

LODGE
Chaotic Evil, centered in the courtyard.

CASS
I'll investigate. I've got the best Sneak
skill.

GARY
Mine's good. I'll go, too.

65. EXT. CASTLE GATE

The castle gate is open. The land around it is burned and
blasted. The Heroes stand to one side of the entrance.
Silence and Luster [F] sneak inside.

66. EXT. COURTYARD

Dozens of corpses lie strewn about.

Drazuul, a horned demon, stands in the center of the
corpses. A spidery pattern of black tattoos cover his face.

Silence and Luster [F] sneak to the edge of the courtyard.
They see DRAZUUL and stop short.

CASS (VO)
What the hell is that?

WE HEAR: dice roll

LODGE (VO)
A Death Demon, one of Death's personal
attendants. And he's looking your way.

Drazuul slowly turns towards Silence and Luster [M]. They
freeze in place.

GARY (VO)
63
I run for it.

LODGE (VO)
You're frozen in place.

CASS (VO)
Do I get a save?

LODGE (VO)
Not this time, no.

Drazuul smiles wickedly and beckons them forwards.

DRAZUUL
Come. Come to Drazuul.

Silence and Luster [F] stagger towards Drazuul.


Cass is irate. Lodge turns to Joanna, Miles, and Leo.

LODGE
You three begin to sense --

CASS
Why don't I get a save?

LODGE
It's a Death Demon. Its fear aura is
Too strong. You can't roll a successful
save.

CASS
Incorrect.

Lodge sighs and shakes his head.

LODGE
What's your Will save?

CASS
Plus seven.

LODGE
The target number to resist his fear
is 30. You would have to roll a 23 on
64
a 20-sided die to succeed. I'm no math
major, but that's impossible, isn't it?

CASS
A natural 20 is an automatic success,
no matter the circumstances.

LODGE
And you've got a five percent chance of
rolling a twenty.

CASS
Do I at least get that roll? I mean,
since it is in the rules? Is that okay
with you, that we play by the rules?

Lodges wave says "go ahead." Satisfied, Cass rolls a die.
He rolls a 1.

LODGE
Oh, a fumble! So now you're completely
compelled, and I play your character
until you snap out of it. Since we're
playing by the rules, I know you don't
mind.

CASS sullenly gives LODGE his character sheet.

68. EXT. COURTYARD

Silence [L] (Lodge) has taken the place of Silence. He and
Luster [F] stagger towards Drazuul.

DRAZUUL
Kneel, slaves.

SILENCE [L]
Yes, my master.

Silence [L] and Luster [F] kneel.

CASS (VO)
I would never say that.

LODGE (VO)
Please, let me play my character.

65
DRAZUUL strokes LUSTER [F]'s chin. He shudders.

DRAZUUL
My lady, you tempt me. Like the evil in
your heart, your beauty is unsurpassed.

LUSTER [F]
I'm not evil. I'm chaotic neutral.

DRAZUUL
Too long have I been a bachelor. You
Shall be my new bride and concubine!

LUSTER [F]
I hate to be the one to point this out
to you but I'm not --

Luster [F] looks at herself and sees that she's female.

LUSTER [F]
Oh, right. I am. [BEAT] Oh, crap! I'm
a woman?

DRAZUUL
My dear, what is a wedding without guests?
Rise, slaves!

The corpses rise as Zombies. Drazuul laughs.

DRAZUUL
Kiss me, my darling.

Luster [F] walks jerkily towards Drazuuls embrace.

69. EXT. CASTLE GATE

Flynn, Daphne, and Osric are waiting expectantly.

LODGE (VO)
You three sense that something is wrong.

The heroes draw their weapons and enter the castle.

70. EXT. COURTYARD

Silence [L] sits beside Drazuul. The Zombies stand in semi-
arranged rows. Luster [F] staggers towards Drazuul.
66

Flynn, Osric, and Daphne sneak inside. Then Daphne screws
up her face and sneezes. Drazuul turns towards them.

DAPHNE
Hey, that sneeze was out of character!

Silence [L] points towards the heroes.

SILENCE [L]
Master! More slaves for the lust pits!

Osric points his sword at Drazuul.

OSRIC
You, Hellborn!

Osrics cell phone rings. He answers, his eyes on Drazuul.

OSRIC
Can I call you right back? We're fighting
a demon.

Osric hangs up. His Sunburst glows.

OSRIC
Turn!

Osrics hand hisses. He screams and drops his sword. His
hand is burnt. Drazuul laughs.

DAPHNE
He's too strong to turn!

OSRIC
Luster, come away!

DAPHNE
She can't! She's compelled.

FLYNN
I will save her!

LEO (VO)
I play a counter-song!

Flynn plays a beautiful melody on the mandolin.
67

WE HEAR: dice roll

Luster [F] snaps out of the spell. She kicks Drazuul in the
crotch. Drazuul bellows, clutches his groin, and falls to
his knees. Luster [F] runs to her companions.

Drazuul belches a stream of acid at Flynn, melting him into
a puddle of goo.

DAPHNE
Yeah, he's pissed.

DRAZUUL
Kill them!

Silence [L] and the Zombies march towards the heroes.


Leo puts a folder full of character sheets on the table.

JOANNA
Can we resurrect Flynn?

LODGE
There's nothing to resurrect.

72. EXT. COURTYARD

Daphne pokes the Staff of Resurrection into the pile of
bard goo a few times. Nothing happens.


Leo opens his folder of character sheets.

LEO
Could I bring in another character now?

LODGE
Sure.

Leo slaps one of the character sheets on the table.

CASS
It doesn't matter. We're all gonna die.
68

JOANNA
That's a bit of a defeatist attitude.

CASS
Okay, then maybe you can explain how
we're going to beat a demon after our
wizard wasted his demon-frying spell
on a peasant.

GARY
You thought that was a great idea!

MILES
How long would it take to memorize the
spell again?

CASS
For a fourth level spell? Forty minutes,
and that's with no distractions.

Gary has an epiphany. He points at Lodge.

GARY
I cast Power Recall!

MILES
What's that do?

GARY
At the cost of two spell slots, I can
re-memorize any spell I've cast in
one-eighth the time!

LODGE
That's assuming you can concentrate.

GARY
Well, protect me.

74. EXT. COURTYARD

Luster [F] sits studying her spellbook. Daphne and Osric
protect her. Flynn II, a bard with a different colored
cloak, runs in to join them.

69
The Zombies press in. Daphne hits Silence [L] in the head
with the butt of her spear, dropping him.

MILES (VO)
Lay hands on Silence!

Osric kneels by Silence [L] and lays his hands on him.
Osrics hands glow.

WE HEAR: a musical chime

Silence [L] becomes Silence. His eyes snap open. He leaps
to his feet.

LUSTER [F]
Could you keep it down? I can't
concentrate!

FLYNN II
My music will help.

Flynn II plays the mandolin. A Zombie bites him in the
head, killing him. The Zombie moves towards Luster[F]. She
shoots it with her crossbow without looking up.


Leo whips out another character sheet and slaps it on the
table. Lodge raises an eyebrow.

76. EXT. COURTYARD

Flynn III, wearing a different colored cloak, runs in to
join the others. Two Zombies quickly kill him.


Leo slaps down another character sheet.

LEO
I can do this all night!

LODGE
How many of those have you got?

LEO
Fifty!
70

78. EXT. COURTYARD

The heroes fight on against the horde of Zombies. Luster
[F] never looks up from her studying. Flynn IV runs into
the battle.

FLYNN IV
Never fear, Flynn is --

Zombies kill Flynn IV. FLYNN V runs into the battle.

FLYNN V
Quiver in fear, for I have --

Zombies kill Flynn V. FLYNN VI runs into the battle.

FLYNN VI
Evildoers, prepare to die!

Zombies kill Flynn VI. FLYNN VII swings into battle on a
convenient rope.

FLYNN VII
Avast, ye --

Zombies kill Flynn VII. FLYNN VIII runs into battle.

FLYNN VIII
I'm gonna die!

Zombies kill Flynn VIII. FLYNN IX runs into battle.

FLYNN IX
Bards suck!

Zombies kill Flynn IX. FLYNN X runs into battle.

FLYNN X
Three -- two -- one --

Zombies kill Flynn X. FLYNN XI runs into battle, singing
part of the 1812 Overature

FLYNN XI
Ba da da da da da da da da da --

71
Zombies kill Flynn XI. Flynn XII runs into battle.

FLYNN XII
All your base are belong to us!

Zombies kill Flynn XII. FLYNN XIII runs into battle,
swinging two swords wildly.

FLYNN XIII
There are 37 more of us, assholes!

Zombies kill FLYNN XIII.

Daphne drops the Zombies around her and looks towards
Drazuul. The demon hasn't moved.

JOANNA (VO)
Has Drazuul moved at all?

LODGE (VO)
No, he hasn't. Roll a Spot check.

WE HEAR: dice roll

Daphne notices a chalk pentagram on the ground surrounding
Drazuul. Daphne points.

DAPHNE
The demon is trapped in that pentagram!

FLYNN XIV
That's why he hasn't attacked!

Zombies kill Flynn XIV.

OSRIC
How much more time?

LUSTER [F]
Don't distract me! I'm almost done.

FLYNN XV
Praise Therin!

Zombies kill Flynn XV

LODGE (VO)
72
Luster has finished re-memorizing her
spell.

LUSTER [F] slams her book shut and stands.

LUSTER [F]
Oh, darling! Prepare to receive the
Flaming Hand of Fiery Doom!

Drazuul fires a bolt of lightning at the party, killing
Flynn XVI. The heroes scatter.


Leo slaps another sheet on the growing pile on the table.

CASS
We can't stand against that lightning.
Its time to run

MILES
What about the spell?

GARY
I need a few rounds to cast it. I'd need
a barricade or something.

LEO
Hide behind the mound of dead bards!

80. EXT. COURTYARD

Luster [F], Silence, Osric, and Daphne dive behind a mound
of dead bards, narrowly dodging another lightning bolt.

GARY (VO)
I have to stand to cast. I'll be a
Sitting duck.

LEO (VO)
I got your back.

Flynn XVII cracks his knuckles and nods resolutely. Then
Zombies kill him. Luster [F] stands and begins casting.

73
Drazuul fires a lightning bolt at Luster [F]. Flynn XVIII
leaps in the way and explodes. Drazuul fires another bolt.
Flynn XIX leaps in the way and explodes.

Drazuul fires bolts from both hands, both eyes, and his
mouth. Flynns XX-XV leap in the way and explode.

Luster [F] finishes her spell. Drazuul freezes in place and
turns blue. The Zombies shudder and drop dead.

CASS (VO)
I thought you were casting Hand of
Doom.

GARY (VO)
He was expecting that. I cast Hold
Beast. We can question him now.

LODGE (VO)
Well done, Gary.

Luster [F] pulls back Drazuuls head.

LUSTER [F]
Where is your master?

Drazuul laughs. Luster [F] holds up a water skin.

LUSTER [F]
Sir Osric, would you bless this water?

Osric lays his hands on the water skin. His hands glow.

WE HEAR: a musical chime

LUSTER [F]
This flask is now full of holy water.
Tell us where your master is, or I'll
give you a bath.

DRAZUUL
Your threat is empty. A paladin cannot
stand by while torture takes place.

Osric looks at the courtyard walls.

OSRIC
74
My, what interesting walls! I think I
will examine them.

Osric walks off. Fear dawns in Drazuuls eyes. Luster [F]
empties the holy water on Drazuuls head.

WE HEAR: inappropriately horrible shrieking and sizzling

The heroes react disgustedly to the howling demon.

LUSTER [F]
The paladin can always bless more water.
Didn't we pass a lake on the way here?

DRAZUUL
The mines! You will find the entrance in
the mines!

LUSTER [F]
And how do we defeat him?

DRAZUUL
The book! His power is in the book. But
his is not the power to fear!

LUSTER [F]
Be gone, then.

DRAZUUL shrieks and vanishes. The pentagram bursts into
flame and disintegrates.

81. EXT. MINE

The hereos slink towards an ominous-looking mine.

LODGE (VO)
You explore the outer reaches of town
and find the entrance to the catacombs.

The heroes enter the mines.


Lodge builds a model dungeon on the table out of miniature
dungeon blocks.

LODGE
75
The initial hallway leads down, deep
into the darkness. As you press on, the
flames of your torches seem to shy away
from the dark. At the bottom of the
stairs, you find yourselves in a great
hall.

Lodge pulls out a bag of miniatures.

LODGE
Time for minis. Mark your spots at the
entrance.

The gamers, minus Joanna, take out tiny pewter figurines of
their characters. Guen watches curiously from an end table.

JOANNA
I don't have any.

LEO
You can use one of mine.

Leo a mini out of a bag and hands it to Joanna.

LEO
This is the only female I've got.

Joannas mini is a well-endowed barbarian woman in bikini
mail and boots, armed with a broadsword. Joanna looks at
Leo wryly.

LEO
Sorry.

Joanna places her piece on the dungeon model.

DISSOLVE TO

83. INT. DUNGEON GREAT HALL

The heroes stand in exactly the same positions and poses as
their miniatures.

The great hall is lined with decaying tapestries and
tables. Gargoyles leer out from the darkness. A door is set
in an oversized fireplace.

76
FLYNN
I do not like this room.

OSRIC
Take strength in our unity, bard.

FLYNN
My name is not Bard. I am Flynn the
Twenty-Sixth. My ancestors died on the
battlefield ten minutes ago.

DAPHNE
We must take this door. It is the only
passage.

The others nod to Daphne , do a double take, and openly
stare at her.

DAPHNE
What? What are you looking at?

HEROES
(ad libbing)
What? Oh, nothing. Nice boots.

Daphne looks down at herself. She is wearing bikini mail,
and is holding a broadsword. Her breasts are much larger.
Her face reddens.

LUSTER [F]
Hoo, mama.

Luster [F] morphs into Luster [M]. He and the other heroes
stare at Daphnes chest.

DAPHNE
This is not what I look like! This is
just the miniature!

FLYNN
Those are many things, dear lady, but
miniature they most certainly are not.

Daphne covers herself. Then she screws up her face and
sneezes.

77
LUSTER [M]
Careful. That top could come right off.

The other heroes snicker.

DAPHNE
Turn around!

The other heroes reluctantly turn around.

DAPHNE
Thank you.
(to the ceiling)
And I believe I had a spear!

Daphnes broadsword becomes a spear.

DAPHNE
That's more like it. Come on, march.

The heroes set off through the dungeon.

84. INT. DUNGEON - CORRIDOR

Torchlight flickers down a dark dungeon corridor. The
heroes turn the corner.

A door blocks the end of the corridor. Daphne reaches for
it, but Luster [F] catches her arm. She points to cryptic
runes on the door. Daphne yanks her arm away.

Osric grips his Sunburst and chants softly. The Sunburst
glows. The runes burst into flame, then die out.


The hole Turk knocked through the wall leads deeper into
the dungeon. Nodwick stands beside the collapsed wall next
to his treasure chest.

The heroes enter and see Nodwick. Silence, Flynn, and
Luster [M] are stunned.

GARY (VO)
No way. Is that --

LUSTER [M]
78
Wodnick? You're still here?

Nodwick looks at Luster [M] and the others.

WODNICK
Who are you?


Miles looks to Leo and Gary.

MILES
Nodwick? Who's Nodwick?

LEO
Our henchman from the last campaign.

MILES
Really? Cool.

Miles smiles, then frowns.

MILES
How long has he been here?

LODGE
In game time? About two months.

JOANNA
You guys left him here all alone?

GARY
Like we had a choice! We were dead!

JOANNA
And you made him carry that big chest
all by himself?

LEO
Well, yeah. He's a henchman.

CASS
No way he's still alive after eight weeks.

LODGE
You left three months worth of provisions
in that Chest of Holding. Along with
79
everything else.

GARY
Everything else?

CASS
Our gear!


Luster [M] approaches Nodwick.

LUSTER [M]
Wodnick, don't you recognize me? It's me,
Fastidian.

NODWICK
Why are you wearing a dress?

LUSTER [M]
What? Oh, right.

Luster [M] morphs into Luster [F]. Silence steps up.

SILENCE
We've come to retrieve our goods. It's
us, your former masters.

NODWICK
Hang on a minute. You're not my masters.
You're entirely different characters
just played by the same people.

SILENCE
What?

NODWICK
I'm talking out of character.

LODGE (VO)
Your characters have no idea who his
last employers were.

NODWICK
I've never seen you before in my life.
Shove off!

80
LUSTER [F]
It's us, Nodwick! Turk, Rennard, all
of us!

NODWICK
Weren't you a man a minute ago?

LEO (VO)
I'll charm him.

Flynn plays his mandolin. Nodwick softens to the music.

WE HEAR: dice roll

NODWICK
Well -- since my employers are more
than likely dead, I guess you can
have the chest. As long as I get to
carry it.

SILENCE
Done and done.

DAPHNE
You're giving in just like that?

NODWICK
You have to admit, that mandolin can
be very persuasive.


Gary fishes some notes out of his binder.

LEO
Gary, you got that list of what all's in
the trunk?

GARY
Right here.

LEO
We can plunder anything from the list,
right?

LODGE
I suppose.
81

GARY
Awesome.


Silence and Luster [F] pull potions, weapons, and pieces of
armor out of the trunk. Luster [F] finds a couple of black
fuse bombs.

LUSTER [F]
Hey, guys, remember these?

LODGE
I still can't believe I let you use
those.

Silence finds a lightsabre, looks around to make sure
nobody is watching, and pockets it.

LUSTER [F]
Are we ready?

SILENCE
More so than ever. Nodwick, stay here.
We'll be back soon.

NODWICK
I've heard that before.


Outside, sounds of a struggle and clash of arms drift
through the door. Flynn kicks the door open. The heroes
stride inside.

FLYNN
Mort Kemnon!

Kemnon broods on his throne, shrouded in darkness. His face
is hidden in shadow.

KEMNON
Welcome.

SILENCE
Your reign of terror ends here!
82

LUSTER [F]
By the light of Therin, you shall fall!

KEMNON
What good is the light of your goddess?
She cannot help you here.

Black magic crackles around Kemnons hand. The Sunburst on
Osrics armor darkens.

Luster [F] lights both bombs.

OSRIC
Face us, necromancer!

Kemnon steps into the light. His eyes are black, his face
covered with an intricate pattern of black tattoos.

KEMNON
Face my army, mortal.

Ghouls run towards the room from entrances to the sides of
Kemnons throne.

Luster [F] flings the bombs into the entrances. The bombs
explode, flinging pieces of Ghoul in all directions. The
ceiling collapses, blocking the entrances.

Kemnon regards the collapsed entrances in surprise.

KEMNON
Huh. I hadn't counted on you doing that.

OSRIC
Give us the Mask. We've defeated your
army.

KEMNON
That may be. But you've yet to face my
bodyguards.

CASS (VO)
Bodyguards?

LEO (VO)
I don't remember any bodyguards!
83

Turk, Fastidian, and Rennard step out from behind Kemnons
throne. All three have pallid undead flesh.

The heroes draw weapons. Silence ignites his lightsabre.

LODGE (VO)
Hold on!


Lodge glares at Cass.

LODGE
You cant use a lightsabre in this
campaign! It's not even the right system!

CASS
I see no lightsabre. That'd be copyright
infringement. I see a Psionic Spirit Blade.

LODGE
You don't have my permission to use that
in this campaign.

CASS
Fine. Then you don't have my permission
to use my old character. You never asked
me if you could make him an NPC. I'm
pretty sure you didn't ask Leo or Gary,
either.

Leo and Gary nod. Lodge and Cassstare each other down.

LODGE
I really want to kill you, Cass.

MILES
You're speaking in character, of course.

Lodge just glares at Cass, who smiles back.

92. INT. DUNGEON - ANTECHAMBER

Turk, Rennard, and Fastidian flank Kemnon.

KEMNON
84
Kill them!

The undead heroes charge the heroes. Fastidian starts
chanting. Silence and Turk face off.

LUSTER [F]
Counterspell!

Fastidians spell fails. Flynn looks around furtively.

FLYNN
Don't let Rennard behind you! He'll
backstab you!

Rennard springs up and stabs Flynn in the back.

FLYNN
Like that.

Flynn falls dead. Kemnon watches, amused.

Luster [F] and Rennard keep flanking each other, trying to
get behind the other. Daphne uses the Staff to resurrect
Flynn. Turk hits Daphne with his axe, knocking her across
the room.

LODGE (VO)
Daphne takes nineteen damage.

JOANNA (VO)
Nineteen? That's half my hit points!

CASS (VO)
I told you thirty-five wasn't enough!

Silence kicks Turk in the throat, dropping him. Osric
points his sword at Fastidian as Fastidian points his
Sunburst at Osric.

OSRIC and FASTIDIAN
Turn!

Both Osric and Fastidian are flung against opposite walls.
Osric drops his sword.

85
Turk knocks Silence over. Rennard trips Luster [F], and
Flynn then trips over her. Kemnon starts to laugh, but his
laughter quickly dies. Kemnon looks up in fear.

WE HEAR: giant, thundering footsteps

An enormous black paw slams down in the room. Everyone
stops fighting and looks up.

WE HEAR: a deafening roar

An enormous black cat, Giant Guen, fills most of the room.

FLYNN
Oh, my god!

Giant Guen eats Flynn.


Guen is standing on the table in the antechamber of the
dungeon model. The miniatures are scattered. Guen has the
mini of Flynn in his mouth.

LEO
Bad kitty! Leggo my mini!

LODGE
Guenhwyvar, off the table!

Lodge picks up Guyen and rescues the mini mouth. Guen
protests. Lodge sets Guen on the floor and gives the mini
to Leo. The mini is missing an arm.

LEO
I believe I had an arm. [BEAT] Oh, there
it is.

Leo picks up the arm from the model.

LODGE
Sorry about that, everyone.

Lodge starts picking up the pieces. Leo glues the arm back
on his mini with thick, clear glue.

86

The room is empty. The throne, entrances, and door are all
missing. The walls are blank.

Lodge appears in the room and looks around.

LODGE
Okay, the door and throne were over
there.

Lodge points. The door and throne drop down to their
previous spots.

LODGE
The side entrances went here and here.

Lodge points. The side entrances fall into the wall,
flanking the throne.

LODGE
Rocks.

Rocks fall down where Lodge points, filling the side
entrances.

LODGE
Bad guys.

Lodge points. Unseen forces drag Kemnon, Turk, Rennard, and
Fastidian to their positions.

LODGE
And you were all here.

Lodge points. Unseen forces drag the heroes to their
positions. Flynn has a thick ring of hard, clear glue
around his right shoulder.

CASS (VO)
Actually, I was standing.

Silence stands.

JOANNA (VO)
And I was facing the other way.

87
Joanna turns around so she's facing Fastidian. Osric is on
Fastidians other side.

GARY (VO)
And I'm pretty sure I was behind Rennard.

LODGE
Really?

GARY (VO)
Would I lie?

Luster [F] gets behind Rennard.

LODGE
Okay, everything's set?

Lodge nods and vanishes.

LODGE (VO)
Go!

Luster [F] backstabs Rennard, killing him. Daphne and Osric
stab Fastidian, killing him. Silence cuts Turk in half with
the lightsabre.

KEMNON
Stupid cat.

Osric charges Kemnon and swings mightily at him. Kemnon
vanishes. Osrics swing cleaves the throne in half.

OSRIC
Where has he gone?

Flynn runs up and examines the wall behind the throne. He
points to a switch with his right arm.

FLYNN
There's a door here!

Flynns arm falls off. Luster [F] flips the switch as Osric
helps Flynn stick his arm back on.

95. INT. DUNEGON CHAPEL CRYPT

88
Beyond is a dark chapel. An altar sits opposite a caged
cell. Inside the cell rests a large, leather-bound book.
Chains hang outside the cell.

A side wall slides back. The heroes pour through.

Kemnon appears before the altar. He raises a black mask,
the Mask of Death, to his face. Darkness swirls around him.

KEMNON
Welcome to the chapel of a true god! I
promise you, this will be our final
confrontation.

Silence, Daphne, and Osric lunge at Kemnon. He hurls them
aside like rag dolls.

LODGE
Each of you hit, but he shows absolutely
no signs of damage.

Kemnon folds his arms and walks towards the prone heroes.

KEMNON
Surely you can do better than that.

Daphne looks around frantically and sees the book.

JOANNA (VO)
The book! The demon said his power was
in the book.

DAPHNE
Destroy the grimoire!

Kemnon backhands Daphne, sending her sprawling.

Luster [F] picks the lock on the cage. The chains hanging
to the side animate. They swing at Luster [F] and wrap
around her wrists, then yank her to the wall.

Flynn tucks and rolls into the cage past other chains. He
stands before the book and draws a dagger.


89
The dungeon model has been updated. The miniature of FLYNN
is in the cage with the book.

LODGE
Flynn is in the cell with the grimoire.

LEO
I stab it. Wait! I backstab it.

CASS
Good call.

LODGE
What? You can't backstab it. You can't
sneak attack an inanimate object.

LEO
Why not? It's prone!

LODGE
You cant backstab something with no
discernable anatomy!

LEO
It's got a spine, doesn't it!

LEO grabs a 20-sided die and rolls a 1.

97. INT. DUNGEON CHAPEL CRYPT

Silence frees Luster [F], cutting through the chains with
his lightsabre. Luster [F] starts casting.

Flynn stabs at the book and hits his hand. He howls in pain
and pulls out the dagger. He looks at the grimoire as if
he's just solved a riddle.

FLYNN
I've got it!

MILES (VO)
You've got what?

LEO (VO)
Look, I attacked the book and hit, but
hurt myself. It's a reverse damage
condition! If I wound it, I take the
90
damage. The reverse is also true!

Flynn squares himself before the book.

FLYNN
Your evil ends here, Mort Kemnon!

Flynn stabs himself in the chest. Everyone stops fighting
and looks at Flynn. Confused, Flynn drops dead.


Everyone is staring at Leo.

LEO
Bards suck.

LODGE
That was unprecedented, Leo.

GARY
On the upside, though, it gave me time
to finish my spell.

LODGE
Which one?

GARY
Need you ask?

99. INT. DUNGEON CHAPEL CRYPT

Luster [F] finishes casting. The book bursts into flame. An
enormous hand erupts from the ground and squeezes the
burning book.

Kemnon shrieks and ignites. He falls into a burning heap.
The Mask of Death falls and clatters on the ground.

The flames die. Kemnon can hardly move, and looks to have
aged a hundred years. He laughs feebly.

KEMNON
You think -- that you have won. But
you have only made -- him -- more
powerful.

91
SILENCE
Who?

Kemnon laughs, and dissolves into ash. His laughter echoes
throughout the chapel crypt, dying slowly.

Osric kneels by the Mask of Death and picks it up. The
moment he touches it, all the lights die.

DISSOLVE TO

100. EXT. CAVE ENTRANCE

The heroes, dirty and bloodied, trudge out of the mines.
Daphne is again dressed in silks and lamellar armor.

LODGE (VO)
You emerge from the mine, Kemnon's
final words burning in your ears.

Exhausted, the heroes trudge away.


Lodge addresses the other gamers.

LODGE
You trek through the ruins of Westhaven.
You make excellent time, and arrive
back in Mudhollow as the sun is setting.

LEO
Let's go to the inn. I've only got two
hit points.

LODGE
And the Staff of Resurrection is out of
charges.

LEO
I need a good night's sleep.

JOANNA
I want to talk things over before we
turn in, so we're all on the same page.

GARY
92
In character?

JOANNA
Yes, of course.

GARY
Can't we just skip to tomorrow morning?

JOANNA
This is what my character would do. She
wouldn't wait until morning.

GARY
Okay. Don't take too long.

JOANNA
I order dinner from the innkeeper.


The heroes share a table in the center of the common room.
The other tables are deserted.

FLYNN
Could we go to bed soon? I'm almost
dead.

DAPHNE
In a moment. Do you remember what
Mort Kemnon said just before he died?

LUSTER [F]
Aaaarrrggh?

DAPHNE
He said, you have only made him more
powerful. Who was he talking about?

SILENCE
Death, obviously. His god.

DAPHNE
I disagree. How would Death be more
Powerful after his greatest servant
was killed?

OSRIC
93
In the forest, he also said our
Breath was wasted on him. I dismissed
it then. Maybe he was trying to tell
us something.

SILENCE
Such as?

DAPHNE
Perhaps he was not the enemy we should
have been seeking.

The Barmaid Flynn seduced brings a steaming baked turkey to
the table. Flynn smiles at her winningly.

FLYNN
Hello again, gorgeous.

The Barmaid slaps him hard across and storms off.

LODGE (VO)
Okay, that's one damage.

FLYNN
What?

LODGE (VO)
Minimum damage, dude. Sorry.

LEO (VO)
I've got one hit point left! One! I
Could die from a squirrel bite!

FLYNN
I would really like to go to bed right
now.

Luster [F] stares at the turkey in boredom.

OSRIC
Maybe the him was whoever holds the
Mask of Death.


The GAMERS are all sitting in the same positions around the
game table as their characters are in inn.
94

JOANNA
That could implicate the King, maybe
even the Hierophant.

MILES
What would the Hierophant want with the
power of Death? I don't think he could
even use it. He's not his worshipper.

GARY
Boring!

JOANNA
Flynn, you said the mask makes the
wearer the avatar of whatever god he
worships, right?

LEO
What of it?

JOANNA
Well, if that's true, then the Hierophant
could use the mask to gain the power of
Therin.

LEO
Why would he do that? He's already her
Hierophant.

Gary rolls his head on the table in boredom.

GARY
Can't we do this in the morning?

104. INT. INN NIGHT

Luster [F] rolls her head on the table in boredom.

OSRIC
There was something the demon said,
right before we banished him.

LUSTER [F]
Bleeaaaarrrgh?

95
OSRIC
He said Kemnon's power was in his book,
but that --

DAPHNE
That his was not the power to fear. [BEAT]
And what does that mean?

Luster [F] looks up, painfully bored. Her eyes land on the
turkey. Her face lights up with wicked inspiration. She
starts casting a spell.


Gary hands a note to Lodge. It reads: "Raise Dead on the
turkey!" Lodge regards Gary with distaste.

106. INT. INN NIGHT

The Undead Turkey rises, moaning inappropriately. Turkey
wobbles around the table, dropping stuffing everywhere.
Luster [M], male again, is pleased.

DAPHNE
You raised our dinner from the dead?

LUSTER [M]
Apparently.

OSRIC
I am morally obliged to destroy this
monstrosity.

OSRIC stands and unsheathes his sword.

OSRIC
What would my order say?

INQUISITOR (OS)
We would congratulate you for doing
your duty.

The heroes turn to the door. Inquisitor stands in the
doorway, flanked by six armed Paladins.

OSRIC
Lord High Inquisitor! We were not
96
expecting you.

The heroes eye each other suspiciously. Turkey gobble-walks
across the table.

INQUISITOR
I forgive you. I take it that you were
successful on your quest?

OSRIC
Aye, we were.

INQUISITOR
Then you have recovered the Mask of
Death.

OSRIC
Aye, we have.

INQUISITOR
Then our land will be at peace. Quickly,
now, hand it over so we may rush it
to the cathedral.

The heroes slowly push away from the table.

OSRIC
What you ask is impossible. I have sworn
to return the Mask to the King.

INQUISITOR
We come with the Kings blessing. Now,
hand over the Mask.

OSRIC
I cannot.

INQUISITOR
That was not a request, Osric. This is
not the time for personal glory. You
will give me the Mask, by order of the
Grand Hierophant.

Osric stares at Inquisitor, unblinking.

OSRIC
You have your answer, Inquisitor.
97

The Paladins draw their swords. The heroes draw their
weapons. Turkey waddles off the table and hits the floor.

FLYNN
I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!

Flynn hides in the corner beside the fireplace.

DAPHNE
Put your swords away! Hasnt enough
blood already been spilled? Havent
enough bards already died?

INQUISITOR
This amounts to treason! Youve gone
over to the side of darkness!

SILENCE
He who stumbles around in darkness
with stick is blind, but he who sticks
out in darkness is -- fluorescent.

The other heroes stare at Silence.

107. INT. LODGES APARTMENT

The gamers are staring at Cass. Lodge points at him.

LODGE
Lost fifty Experience.

GARY
Detect Evil on the Inquisitor

Lodge rolls some dice.

LODGE
Hes not evil, but hes convinced
himself you are.


The heroes and Paladins square off. Turkey wobbles around
on the floor.

OSRIC
98
There is no reason for us to fight.

INQUISITOR
The Mask has corrupted you! Give it to
me!

OSRIC
You know not what you ask! I will not
shed innocent blood!

INQUISITOR
The time for negotiation has passed!

Inquisitor draws a dagger. Righteousness burns in his eyes.

INQUISITOR
I will have the Mask!

Inquisitor lunges for Osric, who grabs Inquisitors arms.
The Paladins attack.

Silence ignites his lightsabre, but a Paladin strikes the
handle. The lightsabre flips into the fire and explodes

Osric throws Inquisitor back into the Paladins. The
Paladins attack.

Flynn cowers in the corner. Turkey waddles towards him.

Daphne sneezes.

WE HEAR: dice roll

JOANNA (VO)
Fumble!

Daphne trips backwards and falls prone on her back, losing
her spear. Inquisitor leaps towards her, dagger poised.

OSRIC
Daphne! No!

Osric deflects the dagger. Inquisitor impales himself on
Osrics sword. Inquisitor gurgles and dies.

WE HEAR: undead turkey sounds

99
Flynn looks up at the mantel. Turkey looks back at him.
Flynn shrieks girlishly as Turkey leaps upon him.

A Paladin clubs Osric and snatches the Mask from his belt.
The Paladins storm out of the inn and escape.

The heroes climb to their feet. Flynn lies dead on the
floor. Turkey stands on his bloody chest. Osric points
angrily at the Turkey.

OSRIC
Turn!

Nothing happens. Everyone looks at Osric.

OSRIC
I've killed my own. I've lost my powers.

Luster [M] backstabs the Turkey, which dies. Then he rips a
piece off the Turkey and eats it.

LUSTER [M]
It's still good.


The gamers are grim-faced.

LODGE
By the time you've rushed outside, the
Paladins have ridden away. You try to
resurrect Flynn, but the Staff is out
of charges, and therefore, useless.

110. INT. INN NIGHT

Flynn lies dead on the table. Osric, Daphne, and Silence
pace back and forth. Luster [M] munches on more Turkey.

OSRIC
We must retrieve the Mask. We must also
assume that the Hierophant, for whatever
reason, is now our enemy.

DAPHNE
We must set out for the cathedral
immediately. If we push hard, it'll
100
still take us more than two days to
cross the mountains.

OSRIC
Two days.

LUSTER [M]
Do you want to bury the bard, get the
piety points?

OSRIC
No. I have an idea. We'll need to bring
him with us.

Osric catches sight of himself in the mirror. He touches
some newly gray hairs at his temples.

OSRIC
We haven't a moment to lose.

111. EXT. FANTASY WORLD

The heroes stride back across the land. Flynn lies covered
in a handcart. Osric ages rapidly.

LODGE (VO)
You journey swiftly back into the king's
land, and as you go, you are more convinced
that the true enemy lies ahead, for the
land is harsher even than before.


LODGE
You arrive to find the cathedral guarded
by Paladins.

CASS
They'll be looking for us.

GARY
We need a distraction.

MILES
Exactly. Here's what well do.

101
113. EXT. CATHEDRAL

Paladins guard the cathedral with a Priest.

Luster [M], disguised as a peasant, wheels the cart with
Flynns body towards the guards. The other heroes hide
behind a hedge. Osric has aged into his seventies.

When Luster [M] nears, the Priest halts him.

PRIEST
Ho, peasant. What business brings you
to Therin's temple?

LUSTER [M]
Please, father, my husband, he is dead.
Raise him with Therin's healing hand.

PRIEST
Your husband?

LUSTER [M]
Yes. I am so a woman.

Luster [M] morphs into Luster [F].

PRIEST
Be that as it may, death is natural. We
cannot resurrect every yeoman who falls.

LUSTER [F] holds out a bag of gold.

LUSTER [F]
I make this donation to the church.

Priest takes the gold and tucks it into his belt.

PRIEST
Therin's blessings be upon you.

Priest turns to the Paladins. Luster [F] steals the bag of
gold back from him.

PRIEST
Brothers, escort this lady to the
infirmary.

102
The Paladins lead Luster [F] inside.

The heroes sneak up behind Priest. Silence punches him in
the ribs. Priest freezes in place. The heroes enter.

114. INT. INFIRMARY

Flynn lies on a bed. A Healer is sitting on the bed with a
wooden recorder. The Priestess Flynn seduced is holding a
crystal bottle of water. Luster [F] is nearby.

Healer plays the Hymn to Therin. Pirestess pours some water
on Flynns eyes. Flynn shudders, and comes back to life.

HEALER
Therin be praised.

FLYNN
That music. I've heard it before.

HEALER
That is the Hymn to Therin. It calls forth
the love of our goddess.

Flynn turns to Priestess and smiles wryly.

FLYNN
Hey, gorgeous. Care to break another
vow?

Priestess slaps Flynn across the face.

FLYNN
Is that any way to treat the dead?

Daphne, Silence, and Osric enter.

DAPHNE
Alive? Good! It's time.

115. INT. INNER SANCTUM

Hierophant sits on a throne behind the altar. The Heart of
Therin is in his hand.

The doors burst open, and the heroes stride inside.

103
DAPHNE
Grand Hierophant, we beg an audience!

HIEROPHANT
But of course. Sir Osric, I see the years
have not been kind.

Osric weakly uses his sword as a crutch.

OSRIC
Give us the Mask.

HIEROPHANT
And why would I do this?

FLYNN
It must be destroyed.

HIEROPHANT
My dear boy, why would I wish it
destroyed?

DAPHNE
It is evil. It must be destroyed, for
the glory of your goddess.

HIEROPHANT
It is for the glory of my goddess that
I shall wear the Mask!

The heroes recoil, stunned.

HIEROPHANT
Before the threat of Mort Kemnon, the
people had turned their backs on Therin.
They became complacent, unholy. By
depriving them of their goddess, I
have rekindled their faith! Their fear
of Death drives them to the saving
light of Therin.

DAPHNE
If the king finds out what you've done --

HIEROPHANT
The King would not understand, and had
to die. Now I rule, as King, as Hierophant,
104
and as avatar of our goddess!
goddess!

Hierophant dons the Mask of Death. Power and light swirl
around him.

HIEROPHANT
I have brought peace to these unworthy
lands! I have resurrected the glory of
light! And so only I am deserving of
the power of Therin!

Hierophant points at the heroes.

HIEROPHANT
Kneel before your new god!

Daphne, Flynn, and Silence kneel against their will. Osric
struggles towards Hierophant.

OSRIC
You have betrayed your vows and your
goddess. She will not stand for this
blasphemy, and neither will I!

HIEROPHANT
Then join her in the world beyond!

Hierophant fires ray of light at Osric. He ages ten to
twenty years in seconds. Osric writhes in pain.

Flynn, on his knees, brings out his mandolin.

LEO (VO)
How did that go? Oh, yes.

Flynn plays the Hymn to Therin.

Hierophant turns attention to Flynn. The light around Osric
winks out. Osric collapses, wizened like a 100-year-old.

HIEROPHANT
Goddess?

WE HEAR: the Hymn to Therin, played by an unseen orchestra.
The sound fills the inner sanctum.

105
Realization dawns in Osrics eyes.

OSRIC
The Heart! Daphne, Therin is trapped in
the Heart!

Hierophant fires another bolt of light into Osric. Osric
writhes in pain.

The Heart of Therin begins to glow. Hierophant tries to
cover it, but it burns his hands. He betrays fear.

HIEROPHANT
Goddess! I am your avatar!

A pulse of light bursts from the Heart. It knocks the Mask
from Hierophants face and breaks the unseen bonds trapping
the heroes.

The Mask lands within arm's reach of Osric. The heroes
rise. Daphne hefts her spear.

DAPHNE
The light of Therin be upon you.

HIEROPHANT
No!

Daphne hurls the spear at the Heart, shattering it.

A blinding light flashes, wiping everything away. When the
light fades, Daphne and Hierophant are gone.

Flynn, Silence, and Luster [F] look around. Their eyes come
to rest on Osric. He is dead, lying peacefully on his back
with the broken Mask of Death on his chest.

116. EXT. PALACE OF LIGHT

Blinding white light fades. Daphne blinks her eyes and
looks around.

A golden castle of sunlight rises atop hills of white
grain. Blinding light shines from the Palace.

Therin, a radiant goddess with flowing hair, appears.
Daphne drops to her knees and lowers her eyes.
106

THERIN
Rise, Daphne.

Daphne rises.

THERIN
You have freed me from my prison, and
have my thanks. Of all your fellows,
it was you who never strayed from the
paths of goodness and law. And so, as
a reward, I will grant you any one
wish you desire.


Gary, Cass, and Leo are stunned.

GARY
No way.

LEO
Limited wish, or unlimited?

CASS
She's a goddess, dude. It's unlimited.
She can wish for anything.

LEO
Oh, go for levels! You could make yourself
like a twentieth level everything!

GARY
No! Gear! Wish for everything in these
books!

CASS
Don't think small. Wish yourself immortal!
Have her make you a goddess as well!

Joanna turns to Miles and Lodge

JOANNA
What do you think?

MILES
I think it's up to you.
107

Lodge nods. Joanna looks thoughtful.

118. EXT. PALACE OF LIGHT

Daphne raises her eyes to Therin.

THERIN
What is your wish?

JOANNA
I wish you would return Sir Osric to life,
as the noble paladin he was.

Therin smiles and nods.

THERIN
So be it.

The light flashes blindingly, whiting out everything.


Everyone but Joanna is stunned.

MILES
That's awesome.

LODGE
That's beautiful!

CASS
That's so freaking stupid!

Cass pushes back from the table. He stands and paces
angrily.

CASS
I have seen stupid decisions before,
but this is the single most lame,
retarded one ever! You wasted an
unlimited wish! How about wishing
for more wishes, advancing our
levels, getting us magic items! How
about wishing yourself immortal first,
then resurrecting him yourself? Good
God, you could have had anything!
108

JOANNA
It's what my character would have done.

CASS
You could have been a god! I know
players who'd kill for that! But no,
you make the single most selfish,
illogical decision in the history of
role playing games! That is it!

Cass grabs his coat and gear. He storms towards the door.

CASS
Damn it, we're gamers! Haven't you learned
anything?!

Cass slams the door. Everyone at the table exchanges
relieved looks. Gary turns to Lodge.

GARY
What happens next?

120. INT. INNER SANCTUM

Luster [F] and Flynn kneel beside Osric. There is a
blinding flash, and Daphne appears.

Daphne kneels beside Osric. She grabs his hands. The years
fade away from Osric, and he is young again. His Sunburst
flashes. Osric wakes and stands, hand in hand with Daphne.

There is another blinding flash. Therin appears, floating
above the altar. The heroes kneel.

Therin sees the broken Mask, and waves her hand. The Mask
mends itself anew.

THERIN
Rise, Flynn.

Flynn rises.

THERIN
If was your music that called me forward
from the Hierophant's prison. You have
my thanks. You shall be my herald, and
109
bring music and peace to the people.

Light shines on Flynn from above. When it fades, he is
clean and groomed, and his cloak is white.

LODGE (VO)
Leo, gain three levels of the Cantor
prestige class.

LEO (VO)
Awesome!

THERIN
Rise, Luster.

Luster [F] rises.

THERIN
It was your skill in magic that kept
your companions alive in the wilderness.
You have my thanks. I would have you,
too, enter my service, but I cannot
have an evil person sworn to me.

LUSTER [F]
I'm not evil. I'm chaotic neutral.

Therin raises a hand. Light surrounds Luster, purifying
her. When it fades, Luster [F]'s robes and cowl are white.

LODGE (VO)
She just forcibly changed your alignment
to neutral good. And you can't remember
any of your spells.

GARY (VO)
What?

LUSTER [F]
What did you do to me?

THERIN
I have burned away your wickedness, and
made you whole again.

LUSTER [F]
Game terms, please.
110

Therin frowns, annoyed.

THERIN
I replaced your levels of sorcerer with
equal levels of cleric.

LUSTER [F]
Oh. Cool.

THERIN
Where is the monk?

DAPHNE
He has gone. He disagreed with the wisdom
of my decision.

THERIN
Often, those who consider themselves wise
are the greatest fools of all.

The heroes nod to each other. That made sense.

THERIN
Rise, Osric.

Osric rises, DAPHNE's hands in his.

THERIN
It was your steady blade that kept your
fellows safe. I dub thee the new Lord
High Marshall of my Paladins, with all
accompanying lands and titles.

Therin floats above the altar. The light around her shines
brightly. The heroes shield their eyes.

THERIN
Go forth, heroes! And bring my light
to the dark places of the world!

The light flashes blindingly, whiting out the scene.


The gamers are satisfied.

111
JOANNA
Cool!

GARY
I guess that means the campaign's over,
doesn't it?

LODGE
This one is, yeah.

It is quiet for a few moments.

GARY
I had a good time.

LEO
Me, too. That was different. But cool,
mostly cool. You new guys, I like the
way you game.

GARY
Totally in agreement, here.

122. EXT. LODGE'S APARTMENT

The door opens. Miles, Joanna, Gary, and Leo step out.
Lodge follows, Guen in his arms. They exchange goodbyes.


Lodge sits at his computer. He kills the screen saver. A
full word document appears.

Lodge starts typing. The words flow out onto the screen.

Night dissolves into day. Dawn finds Lodge asleep in his
chair as pages print out of his printer.


Leo stocks Lodges module in the rack with other gaming
modules. The module is entitled: "The Mask of Death, by
Kevin Lodge."

Lodge, Leo, Gary, Joanna, and Miles stand back to admire
the module in the rack. Lodge has an armful of copies.

112
GARY
Awesome.

MILES
Nice.

LODGE
And, of course, everyone gets a promo.

Lodge hands out copies to the gamers, who eagerly open
them. Lodge hands an extra module to Joanna.

LODGE
This one's for Cass. He was part of the
campaign, I figured I should make the
offer.

Joanna takes the module.

JOANNA
We haven't really been talking, but I'll
give it to him if he stops being an ass.

It is quiet for a few moments.

GARY
The story doesn't end here, does it?

Lodge meanders towards the gaming table in the back. The
others follow.

LODGE
Oh, there's more. I've come up with this
awesome new villain. He's sort of a ninja
swashbuckler, called the Shadow.

JOANNA
The Shadow?

GARY
The Shadow!

MILES
The Shadow.

LODGE
Hey, cool. I might use that.
113

The Gamers sit around the table. Lodge sits behind the
gamemaster screen and picks up some notes.

LEO
Where's the new adventure start?

LODGE
Somewhere big: Osrics ennoblement.

125. INT. THRONE ROOM

Guests from throughout the previous adventure line the
chamber.

Osric, dressed in white, stands before the King. Luster
[F], Daphne, and Flynn stand to one side.

King
I give you Lord Osric of Whitetower!

The Guests cheer.

Flynn sidles between the Barmaid and Priestess he seduced
earlier. He whispers in their ears. Both girls link arms
with Flynn, and all three run behind some tapestries.

A distressed Herald runs up to the King and kneels.

HERALD
Dire news, my lord!

KING
Rise. What is it?

Herald rises. The Guests quiet down.

HERALD
The Mask of Death! It's gone, stolen by
the Shadow!

The Guests all gasp. The heroes pump their fists.

DAPHNE
Adventure time! Nodwick!

114
Nodwick runs out of the crowd, trunk on his back.

Nodwick
My lady?

DAPHNE
Load up! We're going out!

Nodwick
Yes, my lady!

Daphne, Osric, and Luster [F] assemble. Flynn, disheveled,
staggers out from behind the tapestry, but two sets of arms
grab him and pull him back.

126. REAL/FANTASY WORLD MONTAGE

Series of shots cutting between the gamers laughing and
joking at gaming tables and the heroes adventuring in
fantasy lands. The montage leads into the end credits.

127. END CREDITS

G2E 5th Revision

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GAMERS: SECOND EDITION

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