AN Al Und NOTE TO ADOPTIVE PARENTS: Distribute this handout t home with his classmates after an adoption presentation, “Where’s Billy’s Real Mom?” Children are naturally curious. Until now, your child probably assumed that being born into a fam- ily is the only way families are formed. If she learns that a friend or classmate was adopted, she'll have Jots of questions. She'll want to know what adoption means and how it comes about. She might even fee! anxious about the permanence of her own family. If you're unsure of how or where to begin the discussion, start with this handout. We've compiled two pages of adoption facts, sample Q.& As, and talk ing guidelines. Adoption is not shameful, nor is it secret. Adoptive families talk openly about adoption from the time their children are very young. Take the lead by making it clear that adoption is a won- erful and normal way to build a family, and your children will follow your cues. Help DOPTION & SCHOOL HANDOUT ing Classmates erstand Adoption 10 other parents at your child's school, or send it Adoption Q&A CHILD-TO-PARENT ‘When your child learns that a fiend or dassmate was adopted, chances are, hell have questions. Here are responses to questions kids ask about adoption. @: Why doesn't ily look lke his mom? ‘A: Billy’ family isan adoptive family He was born in Guatemala to 2 family who looks like him, but who couldnt take care ofa baby when he was born, (G+ What happened to Billy's real mother? ‘A: Do you mean the woman who gave birth to him? She is his birthmother. Sometimes a person can have a baby with ut being ready to be a parent (@: Why isnt he with her? [At She may have been too young to raise a child, or needed to work and didrit have anyone to take care of him. So she found a family who wanted a baby Bily’s mommy and daddy willbe his parents forever @1_D0 you think Bly’ eal mother misses him? {At think his bithmother probably does. Is Sara Billys real sister? ‘A: Yes, they ae brother and sster because they are part of the same family. Emily told me she was adopted. What is adoption? ‘A: Adoption is when a family that sit able to take care of chil finds a family who wil take eae of her forever and lever. Emily’ parents love her as much as we love you @ Am going to be adopted? AA: No, because | (or Daddy and I) was ready to bea parent when {had you. ill be your mother forever Q: Wil Emily ever meet her real mother? ‘A: Do you mean her birhmother? That's a hard question to answer because I dont know. Sometimes adopted children meet their bethparents and sometimes they dont : Why did Emily’ parents adopt her? ‘As Because they wanted to have a family, and adopting a child is one way to do. (@: What did Emily do that was so bad that her real parent(s) ide keep her? ‘As think you are talking about Emilys birthparents). Adoption sno one’ faut. tis deckion made by grownups when they dont feel able or ready to be parents.Explaining Adoption to Young Children Tall your child that families can be formed in many differ ‘ent ways. Children can lve with the family they were born int, like your family, or witha family that adopts them, like hee fiend’ family. Let your child know that, sometimes, 2 parent who ‘ives birth fre able to raise the child. she looks for another family to take care of him. That family adopts the ld and becomes his family forever. Reassure your child she will be part of your family forever: Even f you know the spedfic drcumstances of the friend your child i asking about, steer the conversation toa more general discussion of doption. While adoption lant a secret, each childs story Is personal and is histo share, Some children are comfortable talking to friends and dassmates about their adoption, Others prefer not to discuss it outside of thelr own family. Its important not to cast adopted children as “spe: ial oF “different.” Adoption Is simply one of many ways to become a family CHILD-TO-CHILD Even after you talk to your child about adoption, dont be surprised when he asks his fiend questions that you may fear are rude. Don't worry~adopted children are used to being atked questions by other children. Here are some fof the responses your child may heat AdoptionQ&A YOUR CHILD: 1s that your real mom (or dad)? PEER: "Why are you asking?” "Would | call her Mom if she wasr? "Yes, areal moms the person who takes care of you! YOUR CHILD: Why didnt your real mom keep you? PEER: “She couldnt take eae of me, but my. ‘mom will always take care of me.” “This stuff we talk about at home.” 1 dort feel lke answering that question: YOUR CHILD: What ae you? PEER: “What do you mean? De you want to know my ethnicty or where Iwasbom?* | Tm American, hike you “tm from outer space POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE Words not only convey facts, they can unintentionally express negative feelings. Here are some positive terms to use when discussing adoptior >> Birthparent or biological parent —rather than “eal parent” >> Parent —rather than “adoptive parent” 5 Myths & Realities About Adoption MYTH: Birthparents can show up at any time to reclaim’ their child REALITY: Once an adoption is finalized, its perma rent, and the adoptive parents are legally recognized as the child's parents MYTH: Birthparents are irresponsible and don't care ) about their hildeen, REALITY: Birthparents want the best for their cil dren. They make adoption plans because they know they aren't able to take care ofa child. ) MYTH: It costs alot to get.a chil. REALITY: While most adoptions involve fees, the fees are for services rendered. They are never in pay- ment for a child. MYTH: Adoptive parents dont love their children as | much as parents in families formed through biology, |/REALITY: The love is the same, regardless of how a family i formed. + MYTH: Adoption is second-best. ) REALITY: Adoption may sometimes be 2 second J choice, but it is never second-best Recommended Reading Core etre ee eee and diversity with your child Oe ae We're the Some, fane Kates; The Fa es ere ee Moc ge, by David St omer eae eee Compe by MARGARET MINT adoptive otter and RONNY DAMONE, the director Visit warmadoptivelaitescomd ‘Spy to donload th and ‘ther adoption handouts a POF >> International or intercountry adoption —rather than “Yoreign adoption’ >> Make an adoption plan —rather than "give up 2 child” or “put up for adoption’ >> Was adopted —rather than “is adopted