90 Days on Hard Mode: An Honest Experience (Long and thorough) (self.

NoFap)
Well, I just hit 90 days. It's been and up and down ride with some expected and
outcomes and some unexpected.
BACKGROUND
Age: 24 Height: 56 Weight: 130 lbs Status: In a relationship
So I think its important to point out that Ive never had a PMO addiction of any so
rts. I have a girlfriend who Ive been with for just about three years (our annive
rsary is on Sunday). She goes to school about 50 miles away so wed have sex rough
ly once or twice a week when I was able to visit her. I think its also important
to mention that at the time we were in a polyamorous relationship and had been f
or almost a year and a half. There were periods in my life where I would masturb
ate once a day and then periods where I might go two to four weeks at a time wit
hout it. This may strike most of you as odd, but I never watch porn ever. I just
never fell into that habit.
That being said, my results might differ greatly from those who have suffered fr
om decade long addictions. Regardless, I still felt taking on the 90 day challen
ge was something I had to do. A number of synchronicities were popping up in my
life that were pointing towards this direction. I dabbled with the challenge in
the past and previously went somewhere around 45 days without PMO. During the pe
riod I was still having sex, however, and I noticed my sex drive climb dramatica
lly. On one hand that was a good thing, on the other hand it wasnt because it mad
e sex seem like something designed towards an end goal. Get it done quickly and
over with. So that wasnt what I wanted. I knew I needed to rewire my brain to the
point that the end goal of sexual release was no longer present in my mind. It
simply wouldnt be a driving factor in my life anymore. I knew I had to take the l
eap and dive all the way in.
FIRST FEW WEEKS
The first week was no real problem. Id gone a week before so it didnt have a major
impact. However, I can safely say that after about six or seven days there is a
noticeable increase in energy. I imagine this is attributed to increased testos
terone levels that peak after about a week. The way it felt reminded me of being
an overactive annoying kid again. You just constantly want to move and talk a l
ot. The mind is really quick and spews out jokes like its on crack. The next day,
however, this fades. Ive found that its really easy to be annoying during this pe
riod, especially if you were a bit awkward when you were a kid (or still are). T
he best way to go about dealing with energy is simply to observe it and enjoy th
e fact that its there. The less you talk the better. Having energy is all you nee
d. Once its there its like youve got an aura around yourself. Simply enjoy it. Dont
let it control your actions or youll come across as a fool. Unless youre just supe
r witty and awesome, then go for it.
Of course in addition to this my sex drive made a noticeable increase. I found m
yself becoming aroused relatively often. Especially before going to sleep and af
ter waking up. During the first few weeks Id often have visions that my girlfrien
d or other beautiful women Id never seen before were sleeping with me (this was o
ften in a hypnagogic half dream sort of state). However, throughout that time I
never gave in to any sort of temptation. I merely observed the sexual energy and
let it be.
After these initial changes several other things happened. Its difficult to say w
hats attributed to the celibacy and whats a result of other changes in my life. Ev
erything is interconnected so I cant say with certainty nofap is the sole cause of

these effects, but I will describe the differences I noticed during this time.
CYCLES OF FOCUS
From what I could tell my mind and body seemed to be cycling through various dif
ferent areas of focus in search of an outlet for the increase in sexual energy.
I first noticed this after about a month or so in and I realized I continuously
alternated between various obsessions. They occurred as follows each lasting fro
m several days to a week.
1. Increased sex drive - Numerous sexual fantasies and visions as I described ea
rlier.
2. Increased appetite - Dramatically increased appetite and craving for high pro
tein foods. All of a sudden I felt strong cravings for peanut butter. I have a v
ery healthy diet, so I wasnt nutrient deficient in any way. This was new and I ac
tually put on about eight pounds in about two weeks, which Ive never been able to
do before.
3. Increased compassion/love I really wanted to be around my girlfriend. There w
as a lot of loving warmth and connection going on between us during this time. I
never saw her as a sex object, but the sexual identification was beginning to d
windle away and our friendship was growing stronger as a result.
4. Increased social drive - I suddenly had a strong desire to be incredibly soci
al. Note that I wrote increased drive not skills. I felt I wanted to be more soc
ial, but this isn t to be confused with becoming better socially. Becoming bette
r can be a result of being more social, but you just don t magically become a be
tter public speaker or what have you.
Anyway, I went out a lot and tried to make a bunch of new friends during this ti
me. I work on a computer so during work I was really active on facebook for this
period. There was an urge to connect to everyone.
I should also mention during this period I went out to raves several times. My o
ther job is to shoot and produce videos of musical events so Im already around da
nce music culture a lot. Thus Im used to seeing and interacting with a lot of wom
en who are barely wearing anything. I went to one party during this time where n
early every single girl was extremely attractive and sociable. I talked to and g
ot hugs from a lot of them. Its safe to say that that night consisted of some of
the strongest temptation Id faced up to that point. I resisted though and suffere
d a painful night of blue balls and very little sleep, but it was worth it. You
power through.
[CONTINUED IN COMMENTS]
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[]Suri_403 days[S] 10 points 10 months ago
[CONTINUED]
I should also say that Ive never been the type of person to enter random hook ups
. When I was younger I was pretty socially awkward and terrible with girls. Hell
, I still am sometimes, especially after a large coffee, but Ive since improved a

lot socially and dont have an issue at all with interacting with women. However,
for the first time a girl Id just met ended up making out with me. Honestly, I d
idnt enjoy it. It was weird and random and felt dirty. Plus I was becoming even c
loser with my girlfriend (remember were in an open relationship) so it was starti
ng to feel more unnatural.
All of these increased social skills that can potentially result from the increa
sed social drive seem to be what this community refers to as superpowers. I have t
o say that the "superpowers" dont last. From what I observed the superpowers are no
thing more than the results of your brain cycling its attention through what to
focus on as it reroutes sexual energy. In other words, youre no longer taking up
space in your brain thinking about sex all the time (and expelling prana if you
believe that sort of thing) so your brain now has all this free space it doesnt k
now what to do with. Its like cleaning up your room. All of a sudden theres a whol
e lot of free space and you feel like something needs to be there. This brings m
e to the next cycle I noticed.
5. Increased imagination - There was a period of about a week where my imaginati
on was extremely active. I was getting all sorts of crazy ideas and visions and
even felt as if I were seeing things for a day or two. This was really strange,
but like any of the other effects, can be channeled if used effectively.
After these cycles (each of which wasnt permanent) things seemed to level out and
arrive at a new home. At about day 45 I suffered the strongest urges up to that
point. I pretty much experienced three straight days of arousal and an entire w
eekend of blue balls. It was painful and extremely annoying, but I dealt with it
and powered through.
That s one of the most important lessons. Just power through. It doesn t matter
if it hurts.
Once I was over that hump though it was as if something clicked. Something insid
e said youve succeeded. Congratulations. It will be easy from here. And it was. Eve
rything leveled out and felt normal. The focus ended up settling on a general in
crease in creative output. I had just started a new job around November and was
extremely focused on succeeding in that department. Other than that I became obs
essed with producing music and my own creative pursuits. Im still in that phase r
ight now, which has lasted over a month. The last 45 days Ive had very little sex
ual arousal at all and havent thought much about sex or women at all. Ive been mai
nly focused on myself.
Here is where I begin to notice the negative effects
I think cutting out masturbation is a good thing. Cutting out sex, however, is n
ot (unless you have a problem with it). Let me remind you that these are the res
ults I experienced for me. Each person has his or own subjective experience. I a
m just being honest with my own.
The reason I think this can be potentially negative is that Ive started to feel s
omewhat robotic. My theory is that when you completely remove any sort of sexual
energy from your life you also remove the human aspect of yourself. You become
a creative machine (I could see how people like Tesla and Mozart were creative g
eniuses being completely celibate). But you risk the danger of no longer feeling
like a man. I could see how if you re a major PMO addict then the outlet of sex
ual release is more emasculating. However, if you don t have a problem with it t
hen cutting is out is what is emasculating. In general, I think a healthy balanc
e of sex (not masturbation or porn) is the best option. And primarily sex with s
omeone you love. I d say that about this once a week is the ideal situation for
a man. Any more and it can become addictive and any less and you can become robo
tic and feel androgynous.

In some ways I may have felt like more of a man (mostly during the beginning), b
ut its largely determined by your surroundings and circumstances. The type of per
son you are is going to completely determine your results. If you continue to be
social and interact with women during this process then you will notice a gener
al increase in your feeling of masculinity. However, if you spend a lot of time
alone or working then youre going to notice an increase in feeling like a robotic
worker bee. Maybe you might feel some of both. Or some days youll feel like one
and some days youll feel like the other. There is no guaranteed outcome for this
process. The only thing thats guaranteed is that youre spare attention is going to
go somewhere and where it goes is going to determine everything.
This can be bad or it can be good. If youve spent years as an addict its probably
going to be good. You have to MAKE it good though. Merely going celibate is not
a superpower inducer. It simply takes away your kryptonite.
It isn t a bad or a good thing. It s kind of like a psychedelic experience. If y
ou do it surrounded by people you hate and go in a sewer you re probably going t
o have a terrible experience. However, around people you love with good music, g
ood food, a beautiful setting, and plenty to do you re going to feel great. The
result is completely up to you and your circumstances.
Why do I think being completely celibate can be overall a negative thing for men
to do? Its because we need that sexual energy to feel alive. Once you start remo
ving that from your life it becomes more difficult to relate to women. Youre like
ly to become less passionate as a person because the main source of passion in m
ales is cultivated through sexual desire. Even if subconsciously or inadvertentl
y. Attracting a mate is the primary reason our subconscious compels us to improv
e as human beings. Once we remove a mate from the equation (ie. Not caring about
women) then we seriously overcompensate other areas of our lives in unnecessary
ways. For example, I spent a large amount of time attempting to be social or re
ading or working or whatever. I became more obsessed with these abstract materia
l things or self improvement in ways that really didnt matter. What did matter wa
s my relationship and the friends that I have and simply enjoying life for its s
imple pleasures. The excess drive to make MORE friends, be MORE creative, work o
ut MORE, and just in general be MORE all stems from a desire for companionship.
Once you have someone in your life that you TRULY care about then none of that s
tuff matters. Its just fluff. Its good to be creative and social, but it should by
no means take over the things are truly important in your life.
Now this is only MY result. I am aware it will be vastly different from others.
I experienced this result because what the 90 day journey showed me is that my i
ncessant attempts to improve myself are borderline absurd. Im already in a great
relationship and have great friends and a great job and everything I could need.
Why am I trying so hard to be better and achieve more? I can afford some faults
here and there. Thats not meant to sound pretentious at all. Im just kind of a se
lf improvement freak and so my ultimate lesson was to take it easy chill out. Ma
sturbating once in a while probably isnt going to kill me. I should also mention
that during this time my girlfriend and I became even closer. Odd considering we
didnt have any sex at all. So close that we actually reverted back to being comp
letely monogamous. Something neither of us thought would happen for a long time.
Its amazing how much this experience connected us.
All that being said, I think I can say that I felt at my absolute best during th
e first week or two when I was still feeling aroused but resisting it. I disagre
e with the idea of avoiding any arousal or triggers altogether because I think s
trength only comes when youre resisting against something. When there is nothing
to resist there is no payoff. However, when youre faced with an obstacle (like a
raging boner) and you say nah, I got this then its as if a light switches on. You s
uddenly feel an increase in power and confidence. So what I really enjoyed was a

ctually intentionally turning myself on and just observing and feeling the energ
y. My technique was to meditate and only imagine something arousing. No body con
tact at all. Pure imagination. Feel it. Then let the feelings subside. After thi
s I felt awesome. There was a lot of sexual energy, but a willpower that was abl
e to keep it under control. THAT made me feel like a man. Not being aroused at a
ll and just going about my daily life (even while making improvements) made me f
eel like a robot.
CONCLUSION
So I think what I really learned from this experience is that nofap isnt going to
give you one specific result. The results are greatly varied and completely dep
end on what kind of person you are. If youre someone whos gone through years of ad
diction and chronic masturbation then its going to be extremely healthy for you.
However, if youre like me and never really had a major problem with it, it might
actually harm your sexual energy. Regardless though, you will still learn someth
ing great about yourself and it will be worth the challenge. Even if its not what
you expect. I didnt expect these results. I expected to feel superpowered. Inste
ad what I got was a realization that the superpower has already been there the w
hole time. I just needed to wake up, quit trying so hard, and appreciate all the
great things around me.
Suri
P.S. I know this was long, but if anyone has any questions feel free to ask and
I ll be glad to help.