Stageplay

ACT I
Scene 1
Lights up. An apartment houses drab green chairs
placed opposite each other, with a brown coffee
table in the middle. On the wall facing the
audience is a cork board on which HANI is
contemplatively tacking note cards. The only
non-drab thing in the room: a metal cage in the
right corner housing a vibrant orange tiger.
HANI
An interconnected network of lies. Thats the framework
of humanity. Deception. Though I suppose, anything not
voiced in full is in part a lie? A half-truth is the
optimists half-lie. Its funny. Ive been following
this story for a year now, and I dont even know if I
can trust myself as well as I trust my own government.
Which is sad. (sits down at chair, clasping head in
hands, then turns head towards cage) But I can trust
you, Chester. I guess that is enough. (knock at door)
*sigh* (under breath) Heavens sake. (normal volume)
Hello?
MARJANE
(offstage)Hani? Its me. I brought coffee! (HANI and
MARJANE sip coffee throughout scene from this point)
HANI
Marjane? Marjane! (opens door, MARJANE sets coffee on
table, they embrace)This is a little unexpected. How
are you?
MARJANE
Im doing well! My team finished that round of trials
rather quickly, and so I had to leave for my break a
little earlier than what I told you I planned.
HANI
How exciting! Hows Lila?
MARJANE
Still in school. Doing very well for herself.
HANI
Bio-med, Right?
MARJANE
No.. Journalism

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

HANI
OH!
MARJANE
Like you...
HANI
Right!
MARJANE
How do you not remember? I told you last month and you
sung her praises! Asked if she had any domestic friends
that could give you the inside scoop. (notices cork
board) And thats ALL youve been focused on latelyHANI
Im the absent minded professor, okay! My focus turns
to bio-med and suddenly it afflicts my memory. I just
found a connecting thread about biological warfare, so
my mind has been there. You see, in the Philippenes
just three months ago, the military and police began
trainingMARJANE
Stop. Hani, stop. These conspiracy theories.. theyre
not real journalism! You must know that! You dont want
to be an embarrassment to your craft.
HANI
Get this, Marjane. It was the Americans.
MARJANE
What? What Americans? What do those damn Americans
always want?
HANI
The Americans, who LAUNCHED their prototypical plague
virus, Im assuming in collaboration with MalaysiaMARJANE
Hold on, what do WE have to do with this? Were
conspiring with America? Hani, that standoff ended last
March, what are you on about?
HANI
Thats when it ended, but there was still tension.
Still IS tension.
MARJANE
*sigh* Because, for the time being, we dont have a
trial?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

HANI
Thats part of it, yeah
MARJANE
Hani, these things take time
HANI
Its felt like decades
MARJANE
Thats what an obsession does to you
HANI
(beat) Well, I feel it polite to ask... hows your
obsession? The animals I mean?
MARJANE
Hmm, Id never equate it on the same level as yours,
but it is fascinating. Were making real progress,
theyre very responsive to our tests, and our
findings... well lets just say its the stuff of
textbooks, Im really proud of our team
HANI
Do you ever think... an animals intellect could reach
the level of a humans? Just hypothetically?
MARJANE
Oh Hani, dont be silly. The general public should have
no fear of being outsmarted by a chimp. Only, if we
could use you as a metric for humanity, maybe then we
could start writing the sensationalist headlines about
the end of man.
HANI
(beat) I sensed a vague hint of insult in your tone,
are you mocking me?
MARJANE
You sit and you overexamine the texts of blogs and
newspapers of both trustworthy and dubious origin, yet
I sit here and somehow your acuity fades. How do I look
today?
HANI
Lovely. Ravishing. Like always, darling.
MARJANE
(beat) Did you really not know what my sister was
studying?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

HANI
I really wanted an excuse to bring up that article. But
Ill admit I did forget about the journalism thing a
little. I KNEW it had to be something... literary.
Thats very Lily.
MARJANE
Youre both bookworms, Ill give you that.
HANI
Still plan on carrying out that study the full two
years?
MARJANE
Yes, Hani. Im sorry, I know you hate to be apart. But
Ill keep in contact, darling. We always do. God knows
how you keep it together without me, you cant even
keep it together with me.
HANI
I dont know if I do. I guess its fine, only seeing
each other once in a while. Were busy. Ive got my
story, youve got youre research. But that doesnt
stop us from being... what? What are we, exactly?
MARJANE
I dont know, I havent decided yet. Too many avant
garde performances and psych books have shattered my
ability to have a normal standard relationship for the
time being.
HANI
Theres commitment, what does that make it?
MARJANE
(pointedly)Of course theres commitment. Why wouldnt
there be? Im beautiful and I feel Im worthy of your
patience.
HANI
(a little stricken by her forcefulness) Of course! I
mean who else would there be, darling?
MARJANE
Oh Im not worried. I know how faithful you are. Thats
what draws me to you. You have such intense.. faith.
HANI
Of course I trust you. I trusted you to walk a 500
pound wild carnivore into my apartment

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.

MARJANE
You were in tremors just opening and closing the cage
door that day. (looks at Chester in his cage) Hows my
big guy doing? (Chester looks at her and beams)
HANI
Good. I no longer feel my asshole clench when I throw
food out to him.
MARJANE
Hes declawed
HANI
Hes still a giant jungle monster! (Chester grimaces
and snarls) A jungle monster who needs to be fed, by
the way.
MARJANE
Dont patronize Chester. Humans are the real monsters,
thats what youve always said.
HANI
*sigh* Anyway, I was gonna go to the butcher shop today
to get him some more food. Wanna go out?
MARJANE
You know I just got off that plane and its always so
much trouble getting here. There was no reception at
that airport, by the way. Otherwise I wouldve texted
you I was coming early. I started getting bars on the
bus ride over but I figured I could surprise you. At
any rate, I would just like to relax for the time
being.
HANI
You want anything?
MARJANE
From the butcher shop? Im vegetarian, you know that.
HANI
Yes, I know that, darling, I meant from the market in
general. Fruits are starting to come into season
MARJANE
Sure, yeah pick up some fruit. Just dont put it in the
same bag as the meat.
HANI
(bewildered at the assumption hed do that) No problem.
*exits*

6.

Scene 2
Same apartment, MARJANE sits and waits. HANI
enters, walks over to cage
HANI
Here you go, Chester! *tosses him the food* And my dear
Majane, I got you some mangos
MARJANE
Get those away from me
HANI
Whats wrong?
MARJANE
Mangos? Im allergic!
HANI
Oh my god, Im so sorry. You never said anything, I
didnt know.
MARJANE
Of all the fruits you couldve chosen. The ONE Im
allergic to
HANI
I could go backMARJANE
No, no, dont bother. I got bored and checked your
cupboards. You have enough food for the night between
us two.
HANI
Yeah, but I wanted to make a point to get you something
special. My bad, Im such a ditz. Youre right, how DO
I keep it together?
MARJANE
Dont be hard on yourself, love. It brings me down and
I like to stay positive for health reasons.
HANI
Sorry- I mean. I apologize. That phrase sounds less
self-deprecating
MARJANE
Normally you have more food lying around. Usually
enough to make us both dinner. But I looked around and
its mostly snacks.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

7.

HANI
You surprised me, I never had time to shop. Hold on
(walks ofstage. While he does this, MARJANE quickly
grabs HANIS phone off the table and looks through it,
watching the doorway sporadically so she isnt caught)
Besides... (HANI returns with crackers and cheese
cubes) well, you know how I told you freelancing was
working out really well?
MARJANE
Yeah?
HANI
Its not.
MARJANE
Oh. Well, when you stick to the facts at least, youre
a pretty great writer. So I didnt doubt you. I trusted
youd be successful
HANI
My name is starting to tarnish in the community. Its
suspicious to just quit a really good position on one
of the best-selling publications in Malaysia. I think
they might know I quit to follow this story
MARJANE
How would that be? What did you tell them before you
left?
HANI
That I quit to follow this story
MARJANE
Hani, did you not think through that that might be
risky? Just a little?
HANI
I didnt tell them which side I was taking
MARJANE
Yes but Im sure you were always one of the more
radical ones on that team. What would they think?
HANI
Maybe I could have had... a change of heart... which
caused me to be so consumed by patriotism that I needed
time off to relish in it!
MARJANE
Oh... Oh Hani. So blinded by faith. Nevertheless, Im
sure they werent competent enough to remember your
misstep, anyway. Im fine with cheese and crackers for
the time being, you starving artist.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

HANI
If we get desperate, theres always Chester. (Chester
growls) (beat) Anything you want to do with today?
MARJANE
No, not particularly. (beat) OH! I do have that grant
application I need to get and fill out for the MOSTI. I
go here early so I could wait if I wanted to, but itd
be nice to get it out of the way.
HANI
How long is their office open?
MARJANE
10 a.m. to 6 p.m. And to get there might take half an
hour so I should leave soon if I want to get it done
today.
HANI
Im fine holding down the fort.
MARJANE
Well then, let me just grab some crackers for the road,
get one of the keys, and make sure I have all the files
i need in my bag... looks good. I wont be long
HANI
Good luck darling!
MARJANE
Luck? Oh Hani. I will get that grant. *exits*
Scene 3
Same apartment. HANI waits and hears a knock at
the door. Enter OSWALD
OSWALD
So whats going on? you like to change plans up on meHANI
Os, like I said, its complicated, but we do need to
hurry. I have some... obligations I need toOSWALD
AAAAAAUURGGGGHHHH!
HANI
Oz, what? Whats the problem?
OSWALD
(arm shakes as he points toward Chester)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.

HANI
Oh shit. I neglected to mention that didnt I?
OSWALD
Wouldve helped if you did, yeah. What the fuck?
HANI
Maybe I just thought wed hit the bedroom so fast you
wouldnt even see him
OSWALD
And what if I caught him on my way out- or, he caught
me?
HANI
Hes caged
OSWALD
Ok, I realize I didnt really want to get into your
personal life - I dont like to do that with clients but a tiger is kind of a big thing, no? I mean
important.. of course its BIG
HANI
Slipped my mind! Goddamn, what doesnt these days. Is
there anything I can do for you?
OSWALD
Well. I may or may not have pissed myself. So, either a
shower, or Im gonna have to ask you to ignore the
smell during the sex
HANI
No time for a shower! I think I can tolerate it you...
you sexy virile man! (starts unbuttoning OSWALDS
shirt)
OSWALD
Be careful, once you start, You Cant Pause the Oz!
(the two are now in heat when suddenly)
MARJANE
(from the hallway) Hani is everything alright? I heard
screaming/(opens door) Did you get my message? turns
out they closed atHANI
/shit!
MARJANE
Oh my God

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

HANI
Honey, darling, this isnt- dear hes just a journalist
friend of mineMARJANE
No, no. Say no more. Ive got all I need.
HANI
Darling, you have to listenMARJANE
No. I literally have all I need for this portion of the
study. I cant believe you actually went through with
it, this is fascinating!
HANI
What are you- study?
OSWALD
Hani, who is this? You never saidMARJANE
I thought I had you scared SHITLESS, that line about
commitment, you messing up the fruit, though in any
world, that wouldnt have been your fault (takes a bite
out of one of the mangos HANI had bought earlier) And
you never even told your escort about me, which is
typical, I mean, they have morals, too
OSWALD
I didnt sign up for this/ maam, dont hold what this
manHANI
/But you arent-? Who are you? The mangosMARJANE
I thought I had to throw in another hook to keep you on
your toes around me. I saw you were texting someone,
this (gestures to OSWALD) Oz, and I thought I might as
well forfeit the study, but I had ambitionsHANI
What study? You study animals!
MARJANE
I have other passions in the field of psychology. One
of those being the many odd... feeble men Ive
encountered in my life. I like testing threshholds.
Limits. You already trusted me, weve known each other
for years, and so I thought- what a more perfect
subject? So I expressed feelings toward you that I
didnt have for the time being, and you responded with
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

11.

MARJANE (contd)
feelings I had no idea you could have had. I wanted to
see how faithful men can be. Not for my own sake, but
for psychologys sake, and for women everywhere.
HANI
So I was just a game/ to you?
MARJANE
/Let me finish! Of course, I dont think this needs to
damage our friendship, or even relationship. I think
maybe Ive become even more attatched after seeng you
under the microscope. (turns to OSWALD) And trust me,
Oz, you NEED a microscope to appreciate this one. (back
to HANI) Anyway- I knew that I couldnt do a commitment
study and be with you every single day- No, no, no, no,
no- that would be too complicated because you really
ARE faithful and eventually youd notice I was
recording nearly your every move. So I took on the
animal intelligence proposal because I knew it would
leave me- and you- alone for long periods of time, far
away. I wanted to leave the relationship ambiguous, so
you wouldnt know who to trust, but also convince you
that youre irrational because, well, you ARE, and so
youd have no choice but to trust what my idea of our
relationship was. How long could you stay committed if
I wasnt here to watch over you, and how much would you
invest into us? I took it on myself to check your phone
to verify that you werent seeking out anyone else, and
lo and behold you werent... until now
OSWALD
I was part of this experiment, too? Hani if I knew what
kind of bullshit I was getting intoMARJANE
Pause yourself, Oz. Now, THIS is outstanding because I
have to take into consideration the repressed
bisexuality factor into my final report. Which I wont
publish here, by the way. I care enough about your
safety, Hani. (looks to OSWALD) Does the fact that this
is illegal here make it any more kinky, or does it do
the opposite?
OSWALD
Hani, how do I answer this madwoman? Shes more
frieghtening than the tiger
MARJANE
Oh, I strive to strike fear into the hearts of men

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

12.

HANI
So, what now? The experiments over? Youre just gonna
throw me away?
MARJANE
Oh, Hani. I have ethics with animal research, I of
course do the same with people. Just think of it as
now, when I see you, the intentions are a little
more... genuine. Thats an improvement, and I dont see
how you can turn that down. Besides, I must admit. This
(points back and forth at HANI and OSWALD) is kinda
hot. Can I watch?
LOUD VOICES FROM OUTSIDE
Open up! This is the police! We have a warrant for the
arrest of Hani Hanbali on several accounts of treason
against the Malaysian Government!
END OF PLAY