EDITORIAL: Our Traditional April Project

April 1, All Fools Day

This issue has been prepared exclusively by students of Group 34-Ph

Our country is at war. Historical turmoil like that always ignited a firestorm of
jokes, as humor helps people to cope with the challenges they face. So, this year
2015, the issue is devoted to military humor.
The order is:

Fall out for laugh!

I said lol!
THE FOLLOWING JOKES ARE PRESENTED BY ANDRIY BUTOK:
Requesting a three day leave
An Israeli soldier who has just enlisted asks the Commanding Officer for a 3-day leave.
The CO says "Are you crazy? You have just joined the Israeli army, and you already want a
3-day leave? You must commit something spectacular for such an incentive!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The CO was so impressed; he asked

"How did you

do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went

toward the

border with the Arabs. I approached

the border,

and saw an Arab tank. I put my white

flag up; the

Arab tank put his white flag up. I said

to the Arab

soldier, "Do you want to get a three-

day leave? So

we exchanged tanks!"

Change your course now

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US
naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of
Newfoundland in October, 1995.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations
on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North

to avoid a collision. Over.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Over.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. How
copy? Over.

Canadians: Negative. I say again, you divert YOUR course. Over.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST
SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE
DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND
THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES
NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE
UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS

SHIP.

Canadians: Roger that. This is a lighthouse. I am

accompanied

by a square acre of solid rock. Over.

Fishing on the lake

A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together
when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors
were struggling helplessly in the water.
The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself
painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar.
Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this to
anyone. If the Navy found I can't swim I'd be disgraced.
"Don't worry," the general said. "Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have
my men find out I can't walk on water."

Soldier stands guard

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His
orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a
special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up
with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt,
who goes there?"
The chauffeur said, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, sir, I'm new at this. Do I
shoot you or the driver?"

THE FOLLOWING JOKES ARE PRESENTED BY Yevhen lebed:

LIGHT BULB CHALLENGE-1
Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military
strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please.
LIGHT BULB CHALLENGE-2
Q: How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN!!!

YOU'LL

NEVER KNOW!!!!!
MATTER OF CHOICE
A recruit examines the food served to him in the

batallion

dining room.
- Do I have any choice here, he asks a sergeant.
- Yes, you do. You may eat it or not.

THE FOLLOWING JOKES ARE PRESENTED BY vlada dimitrieva:

RUNNING ARMY
At an Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year
in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier
mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can
shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?
TWO ARMY RULES
#1.The commanding officer is always right.
#2.If the commanding officer is not right, see #1.
ORIGIN OF SPECIES
A private asks a sergeant:
- Is it true that man descended from a monkey?
- Yes, privates possibly were. But not sergeants.

THE FOLLOWING JOKES ARE PRESENTED BY medeya badalyan:

RANK HAS ITS PRIVILEDGES

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a

dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer!
Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a
Soldier: "No, SIR!

dollar?"

OUTNUMBERED
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill
Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out. As the rest of the
squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.

The Drill

Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then
raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot
of 'em, huh, sir?"

THE FOLLOWING JOKES ARE PRESENTED BY NATALIA VOLOSHYNA:

EXPERIENCE WANTED
Shortly after joining the Army, I was in line with some
other recruits when the sergeant stepped forward with
that day's assignments. He handed several tasks out and
then asked, "Does anyone here have experience with
radio communications?" A long time-radio operator, I
shouted, "I do!" "Good," he said. "You can dig the hole
for the new telephone pole."
JEEP IN
THE MUD
During training exercises, an Army
lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back road encountered another vehicle
stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel
at the wheel. "Your jeeps stuck, sir?"
asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over
and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

THE FOLLOWING JOKE IS PRESENTED BY ORYNA KULYNYCH:

A novice drill instructor at FortJackson, S.C., was escorting new recruits to the mess
hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told

them: "Thereare three rules in this mess

Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he

hall: Shut up!

had everyone's

attention, he asked, "What is the first

the amusement of the other instructors,

rule?" Much to
60 privates

yelled in unison, "SHUT UP, DRILL

SERGEANT!

THE FOLLOWING JOKES ARE PRESENTED BY JULIA POLISCHUK:

SERGEANTS KISS
Recruits got a shock when their Air Force basic-training
instructor turned out to be an attractive female sergeant. Her
assistant, however, was a burly, hawk-nosed veteran whose
glare could freeze water. At the end of training, the attractive
instructor congratulated the recruits and said that if there was
anything she could do for us, just ask. From the back, a voice
called out, "How about a kiss from the sergeant?" "Sure," she
replied, raising her hand to quell the laughter. "But I'll let my
assistant take care of it!"