Help! I need my father!

A colleague in the ministry once said to me, My ministry in prisons has made me
appreciate the importance of the family, especially with respect to fathers. According to
his observations, the great majority of the prisons population is comprised of people from
broken or troubled homes, many having this in common: they have experienced some or
other problem with their father in their childhood.
Just recently in the midst of the vicious riots in Baltimore, a policeman from that city
stated: If fathers just did what theyre supposed to do, half the junk that we face on the
streets wouldnt exist. Thank God there are exceptions, but many children seem to suffer
longterm adverse effects because of faulty fathering. So, lets go to the Manufacturers
Manual - the Bible - and find out how the family should function.
Gods ideal for the Family
Gods revealed will for family is father, mother, and child/ children. From the mother, the
child receives nurture, tender love and - in the earliest years at least - round the clock
attention. From the father, the child receives strength, security, and the concept of
authority. Thus the childs concept of God, the ultimate authority, is formed largely by the
fathers influence. Now heres the problem! If Dad does not model this role accurately in
the family, the child is adversely affected.
Ive seen it work!
In my lengthy experience as a Pastor, I have often encountered people who have a great
struggle in understanding that God is loving, merciful and compassionate. Their
relationship with their own father has been characterized by abuse or neglect and this has
subconsciously affected their view of God as our perfect heavenly Father. They may
conceive of Him as either remote, far-off and disinterested, (the absent or apathetic
father), or as harsh, demanding and even cruel (the abusive father).
Father failure damage
Young boys need a father to model for them what being a man is all about. If the Dad is
absent, whether because of divorce, death, or if he has deserted the family, the boy is
deprived of this wholesome model. Consequently, he might struggle to determine how to
behave appropriately as a true man. The scary part is this: boys who come from some
such a situation will possibly later on struggle to be fathers to their own children, and
thus the problem is perpetuated. Girls deprived of father-care sometimes behave
inappropriately with males. Because they lack love and affection which their father
should give in a healthy, masculine way, they seek fulfillment from other males. This may
lead them to having multiple sexual relationships outside marriage in the hope of
meeting this need in their lives. This, of course, is not likely to equip them to become

well-adjusted wives and mothers. Both boys and girls are badly affected by fatherfailure. Hence the silent cry from this cultures children: Help! True Fathers Needed!
Dads, lets check the Manufacturers Manual
Isnt it time that we referred to the Bible to see what the One Who made us intends us to
be as fathers? Failure to do so almost guarantees a harvest of sorrow - for our children and for us as well, for we are accountable to God for the way we rear them.
Lets note 4 important Bible-based facts about our children:
1. They are gifts from God. Hence, they are precious and need to be handled with great
care. Psalm 127:3 tells us, Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him
Verse 4 rejoices with a declaration: How happy is the man whose quiver is full of
them!
2. We have to train them up in the ways of the Lord. Proverbs 22:6 states, Train up a
child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Dont
leave it to the schools, or to the church, or even only to the mother, although of course
moms role is indispensable. Your son, your daughter, needs YOU Dad .. to steer them
along the right path.
3. We must not be too hard on them, lest they become discouraged or resentful.
Colossians 3:21 instructs us, Fathers, dont aggravate your children. If you do they will
become discouraged and quit trying. We need to take into account each childs age,
temperament and unique abilities, training them with wisdom. For example, dont order
your 15 year-old son around the way you talk to your 8 year-old. As the father, youre
still in charge, but remember, youre not the chief officer of a military camp, youre the
head of a family!
4. Having said this, we must be careful not to be too soft! Because godly old Eli, a priest
during Samuels early years, was found wanting as a father, his descendants were
disqualified from the priesthood. Why? 1 Samuel 3:13 explains, His sons made
themselves vile, and he failed to restrain them. Proverbs 29:15 warns, A child who gets
his own way brings shame to his parents.
My Dad the trainer!
How do we do it? The word train indicates a process. An athletes coach wouldnt
allow his charge to exercise for 3 days, skip 4 days, then do 2 days and skip 5! He would
have to be consistent, disciplined and regular. Similarly, with our own children, training
them in the ways of the Lord has to be:
a. Loving. Our children are gifts from God and therefore precious to us.
b. Ongoing and consistent. We cannot discipline the child for an offense today, let the
same offense go unpunished tomorrow, and then discipline him or her again the next day.

This breeds uncertainty and insecurity in the child. Boundaries for behavior must be
clearly marked and adhered to. As your child gets older, the boundaries may be adjusted.
For example, at 13 years of age, perhaps they could be home by 10 p.m. on Saturday
night. At 16 years of age, home by midnight would be more appropriate. Consequences
for crossing the boundary lines must be faced. This way we teach our children
responsibility for wrong choices and bad actions, thus helping them to grow into
responsible adults.
The power of example
Whatever rules we may lay down, our example will be our most effective training tool.
The way you talk to your wife, the way you show love and respect for her, will strongly
influence your son or daughter in their later relationships with the opposite sex. If you are
divorced, do not bad-mouth your childrens mother. That is malicious, unmanly, and will
add to the confusion and pain your offspring are already experiencing because of the
divorce. Remember Dad, youre the coach, so you have to train them in the way that they
should go. This involves teaching them to, Honor your father and your mother, .. that
your days may be long on the earth. (Ephesians 6:2-3) The way you relate to authority
will have an effect on your childrens attitude to authority figures throughout their lives.
If you boast about getting away with tricking the IRS or if you complain about how
stupid the police are, you must not be surprised when your child gets into trouble for
disrespecting his teachers. Later, this could extend to flagrant breaking of the law, with
disastrous consequences.
A fathers example carries a very strong influence in these matters. As a man who wants
to shape up as a father, you may be asking, Where shall I begin? Heres a two word
answer: take time. Take time to listen to your child. At the table at mealtimes, and at
bedtime, when you take time to say goodnight. Take time to listen, to answer questions,
to discuss - not argue - about issues they are facing. Take time to instruct about life
situations. For example, how to cope with a jealous friend, or how to handle peer pressure
when friends are offering alcohol or drugs. Take time to correct and to discipline when
discipline is called for. Caution: never discipline in a fit of rage, but rather explain why
the discipline is necessary. There is a difference between discipline and punishment.
Discipline is positive and aims to direct and correct behavior. Punishment is just a matter
of Dad letting off steam at the childs expense. It could build resentment, resulting in
more serious rebellion. Take time to play. Tragically, some children dont know what its
like to throw a ball around with Dad, because hes always too busy. Dont let business be
an excuse to deprive your child of wholesome father care.
Above all, make the Christian life attractive. Let Dad share regularly with the family
about the goodness of God, about the measureless love of Jesus. Read the Bible to your
children if theyre small. For the older children, let them read together with you and learn
and grow in faith. Let them understand that Jesus didnt come into the world to spoil our
fun, but to forgive our sins and to give us abundant life.

The great need

Dad, your children need you to give them what God intends them to have: a godly,
manly, caring father to help mold their lives. Heres an acronym on the word Father
that we Dads can refer to daily, to help keep us on track:
F : Faithful. To the Lord, to his wife, to his family.
A : Affectionate. Tell your children often, I love you.
T : Trainer. Consistent, within the childs scope and ability.
H : Helpful. To mom and to the children.
E : Example. The way you treat their mother and the way you speak in general. Showing
honesty even when it would involve personal cost to you.
R : Responsible. Do not shift blame for things that go wrong. Take your stand as the man
in the family. Dont be merely a thermometer, that tells how sick the person is, but does
nothing to remedy the situation. Be like a thermostat that brings needed, welcome
warmth to a cold house!
Nothing else can match the long-term significance of a real Dad!
Can you hear the silent cry of your children, Help! I need my Father!
Will you respond?