Proven Techniques to Reshape Anyones

Attitude, Behavior, Feelings, or Beliefs

How to Change Anybody

(David J. Lieberman, Ph. D. / St. Martins Griffn/2006/200

Pages/$12.95)

(NBS) ()
, , , ,
(Summary) . () ,
, .

How to Change Anybody

Proven Techniques to Reshape Anyones
Attitude, Behavior, Feelings, or Beliefs
The Big Idea
In life, clashes with certain people are inevitable. You cannot help but encounter
those who simply get into your nerves.

However, instead of allowing them to ruin a

potentially excellent day, why not aim at changing them into better people?

This

book provides you with the necessary psychological tools that can help you achieve
this and make life, in general, a better one.
Can You Change Someone Who Doesnt Want to Change?
Everyone surely desires to change for the better, although not everyone admits it.
Whether or not the process is easy, anyone is undoubtedly willing to go through it
just to advance ones life. Thus, changing someone who does not want to change
should not be an issue as such is nonexistent.
How to Change Anyones Beliefs and Values
Beliefs and Values: A Brief Introduction
Beliefs and values explain the past and give essence to current behaviors. There are
two types of values, the mean values and the end values

For a person to attain an

end value, he prioritizes a mean value that leads to the achievement of the end goal.
If what connects the source to the end result is changed, the mean value loses its
significance.
For example, if a person believes that money brings about happiness and suddenly
discovers that it is not the case, his priorities will change. In effect, there will be
observable changes in behavior. He may not give too much importance on money
anymore since holding on to it will not give the desired outcome or expectations
anyway.

-2-

Thus, to effectively alter anothers behavior, you have to look closely at his beliefs.
Identify which belief causes which behavior then find ways to detach him from it.
Changes in behavior will automatically follow.
Make Anyone More Moral and Ethical

Have you encountered someone who has been committing an act that is not moral
or ethical? There is definitely something you can do about this. The following are
psychological techniques geared to increase anothers sense of morality:
1. The one-million-dollar test. A person holds on to the same belief when he
does not have anything to lose.

However, as soon as conflict arises

between what he believes in and what he wants, he becomes disturbed and

starts reevaluating his beliefs. For instance, a father got used to walking
out of a restaurant without paying thinking that others are also doing the
same. In this case, create a situation that clearly demonstrates what the
father will lose if he continues doing such behavior. Tell him that his son
will grow up thinking that it is the right thing to do.
2. Backdoor consensus. Based on studies, when you voice out an opinion

-3-

regarding something, whether or not you agree that it is true, you eventually
come to believe it.

For example, you want to stop a teenagers

promiscuous behavior. You ask her to discuss to a younger sibling the

significance of committing to just one person and waiting until marriage
before engaging in any sexual activity.

Eventually, after regular talks,

expect that teenager to believe in what she had just explained to her
younger sister.
3. Image consistency.

Have you noticed that when someone elses

impression of you is good, you do your best to maintain such impression?

Other people also have the same tendency and you may capitalize on this
when you want to get rid of another persons unpleasant behavior.
Converse with him and highlight what you appreciate about him. In this
way, he may avoid negative actions to fulfill your expectations of him.
4. General consensus. Whatever is prevailing in the environment, whether
positive or negative, becomes acceptable.

Thus, to promote moral

consciousness, it will be very helpful to be immersed in an environment that

considers positive values as top priority.
5. Raising the bar. Instead of reprimanding a person for his wrongdoings,
begin by praising him. After which, mention that you want him to change a
certain behavior because it is so unlikely of a great person like him. In this
way, he will feel that you are not condemning him personally, just his
inappropriate behavior.
Inspire Loyalty in Anyone
How can you make anyone stand by you in good and bad times?

Here are some

techniques to forming a strong allegiance:

1. Bring him in on the inside. Make the other person feel that he is really part
of the team.

You may want to share with him some crucial information or

grant him a certain level of authority.

2. A part of greatness. Everyone desires to be part of something great or be
associated to a winner. To encourage loyalty, make sure others recognize

-4-

your greatness.

You can easily achieve an impression of greatness by

doing what is right no matter how difficult the process is.

3. Little by little. Isnt it that being consistent makes you feel good about
yourself? You may begin your pursuit for loyalty by imploring a person to
take your side through a very easy and simple request. In the future, when
your request becomes complex, you will still be able to predict loyalty since
the person will conform to how he responded the first time for the sake of
consistency.

4. The power of humility. If you are too preoccupied about yourself, you can
never expect anyone to be interested in being loyal to you. In the first
place, there appears to be no room for him anymore. Sure, you may be
able to attract his attention during fair-weather situations but in tough times,
he may easily go towards the opposite direction. Humility is indeed a very
crucial factor.
Here are six ways of demonstrating humility:
Doing a task that people lower than you do will create an impression that
you are one of them and that you are willing to do some sacrifices for a
larger cause. A CEO picking up a trash from the factory floor, for instance,
will encourage others to do the same.
Be honest and truthful. Create an image that you can be trusted, no matter
what the circumstances are.

Communicate what is true in a kind and

respectful way and not simply what others want to hear.

Be ready to admit your mistakes.

-5-

Do not be a know-it-all.

This

exemplifies both responsibility and humility.

Say I dont know when you really do not know the answer.
Treat everyone with respect even if you will not, in any way, gain anything
from him. When you respect someone because you have to, you reveal
that persons greatness. On the other hand, doing the same for someone
even if you do not have to, manifests your greatness.
When acknowledged for an achievement, give credit to those who
contributed.
Eliminate Prejudice in Anyone
These techniques may not cause immediate results but are great first steps to
eliminating prejudice in anyone.
1. The power of emotions. Emotions propel motion. Around ninety percent
of decisions spring from emotions. Appeal to anyones emotion and you
will surely bring out the decision maker in him.

Create an in-depth

interaction between a prejudiced person and the object of his biases. In

effect, expect the prejudices to fall apart after a while.
2. A firsthand account.

This merges two psychological processes: social

proof and cognitive dissonance. Social proof is an effective influencer as

it encourages a person to adopt an attitude or behavior similar to that of the
person he admires or respects.

Equally, cognitive dissonance is the

emotional pain caused by a conflict between the image that you want
yourself to reflect and what is real.

A certain belief then has to be given up to live up to the image that you want
of yourself especially when such is further stimulated by a social proof.
3. Acts of kindness. Get the object of prejudice to do something good to the

-6-

prejudiced person. In this way, there will appear to be a conflict between

his beliefs and what he actually sees of the other person.
4. Houston, we have contact. A common activity or goal leads the group
members to like each other as cooperation is necessary to reap success.
Thus, involving a prejudiced person and the object of his prejudices in one
activity will significantly decrease the level of prejudice.
Change the Parent Who Doesnt Spend Enough Time with the Kids
As time is a very limited resource, not all parents are actually able to spend enough
time with their kids even if they claim to do so. The following are techniques to
counter this in spite of the presence of other overwhelming responsibilities:
1

The neighbors are watching.

Think of neighborhood activities that will

require parents participation. In this way, they make it a point to squeeze

in the activity to their schedule as they are somehow forced to live up not
just to the expectations of their kid but of the neighborhood as well. Let
social pressure be as apparent as possible.
2

Make a trade. Reduce the parents burden by doing some of his tasks in
exchange of time spent with the kid. In this way, he will not feel that he is
just wasting time with the kid when in fact he still has a lot of other things to
do.

Mutual satisfaction. A common interest indeed brings two people together.

Think of an activity that both the parent and the kid will look forward to.

Be practical.

Remember that quality time is still more important than

quantity.
5

The power of hypocrisy. Studies reveal that behavior changes easily when
a person becomes aware and agrees that he should be doing something and
when the inconsistencies between his attitude and behavior are eventually
pointed out. Talk to a parent and cause him to agree that he should be
spending more time with his kid.

He will then correct his hypocrisy by

actually doing what he just agreed with.

Motivate Anyone to Lose Weight
A lot of people are, in fact, aware and convinced that they have to lose weight and
give more attention to their health.

However, there are emotional blocks that

-7-

significantly impede ones drive to improve his eating habits and live a healthy life.
Here are some techniques to address and surpass such hindrances:
1

Please help me.

People, by nature, are altruistic.

Thus, to subtly

encourage someone to lose weight, tell him that you yourself also need to
lose weight. Solicit for his company when you go to the gym, for example.
Surely, the person will gladly respond to your request. In this way, you have
successfully invited the other person to the path leading to a healthier
lifestyle without him knowing that the efforts are for his own benefit.
2

Strike while the iron is hot. As soon as the person expressed interest and
willingness to do what you want them to, grab the opportunity immediately to
build momentum.

Part of a pattern. Incorporate the desired new behavior to existing routines

and patterns and avoid breaking it. Be as consistent as possible.

The power of kindness. Resistance and discomfort are usual factors that
go with any form of change. Make it easier for the other person by lavishing
him with positive reinforcement instead of criticisms. Express acceptance
and unconditional love.

Connect on a deeper level.

Highlight the importance of taking care of

oneself by saying that other people might suffer when they are of poor
health.
How to Change Anyones Emotional State
A Quick-Fix Pick-Me-Up: Turn Anyones Mood Around, Fast
It is unfortunate that a bad mood is as contagious as a good one. To turn anyones
mood to a brighter one, you may employ the following techniques:
1

A long-term investment. Take care of yourself not just for the present but
for the future as well. The mere fact that you are investing in yourself brings
with it some sense of happiness.

Pure joy. Let a depressed person be excited about something for him to
feel joy.

Time is life. Living in contradiction to ones values is enough to keep ones

mood down.

Help others be genuine in what they really want out of life and

-8-

guide them as they tread towards that direction.

4

Enough about you. If you encounter anyone who is unhappy, find ways by
which he can do something for you.

You may ask his opinion or advice on

a certain matter. This technique effectively lifts up ones mood in three

ways:
*You make the person feel trustworthy and good about who he is.
*You make him feel more self-reliant because he was granted a chance to
contribute. Giving causes a sense of independence and significance.
*You divert his attention from his problems and unhappiness making him focus on
something more productive and worthwhile.
Give the Gift of Self-Esteem: Help Anyone Like Himself More
Respect for ones self is the springboard to a better self-esteem.

This

self-respect may be achieved by ensuring that you do what is right instead of what
is merely easy, superficial, and shallow.
Every person has three inner forces within them that are constantly competing
against each other. These are as follows:
*Body. The body yearns to escape from life and this is attained through sleeping
and other forms of entertainment and distractions.
*Ego (or lower soul). The ego constantly calls for attention and control.

This is

fulfilled by doing anything to exhibit the apparently right image. Whatever it takes,
looking good to others remains on top of priorities.
*Soul (or higher soul). The soul ultimately wants to do what is right.
Doing what is right to achieve self-respect requires a lot of self-control. What the
body and ego insist are compelling enough but a strong self-control will let you
triumph over these types of temptations. You freely choose for yourself and this
starts an emotional chain reaction. Within this chain are essential components that
balance the psyche when present. Those who lack self-esteem need to be filled
with these ingredients.

-9-

Seven Keys to Installing Self-Esteem

1.Human beings need to be moving. They need to have a meaningful objective to
look forward to and aim for.
2.The ego needs measurable traction.

Learned helplessness occurs when a

person opts to give up when he feels that his efforts do not produce the outcome
that he has been expecting. To avoid this, he must have the conviction that his
actions definitely produce significant measurable results. A person must devise a
certain measure that will concretely affirm the fruits of his efforts.
3.A sense of independence and autonomy.

Give a person the opportunity to

exercise his free will towards a meaningful direction. This will emphasize that he
has control of himself.
4.Meaning and a sense of permanence. To be fully fulfilled, one must feel that his
existence has meaning and that he is significantly contributing to a larger cause.
5.The creative component. Expression of creativity boosts ones self-esteem as it
presents to the world ones uniqueness or individuality.
6.Good, right, and true. Remember that integrity still counts.
Eliminate Anyones Self-Destructive Behaviors
A single mistake, when not properly controlled, leads to a downward spiral of giving
in to impulses. It is, then, very important that intervention is immediately given
before anyone succumb to a chain of self-destructive behaviors.
This six-step strategy will help lift out anyone from the pit of self-destructive habits
or behaviors:
1.One thing at a time and one thing only. Do not intend to change everything about
a single person all at once. Pick out one area first and move forward from there.

- 10 -

2.Begin healing with an instant success. When attempting to change someone,

ensure that your first step is easy and is more likely to yield success.

This

encourages the person involved to maintain such direction.

3.Divide healing into doable parts. Move slowly but surely. Never overwhelm the
person you want to change by speeding up the entire process.
4.Consistency and joy. Never let the other person feel he is a burden to you, no
matter how tough the process may be. Stay away from unnecessary criticisms.
Unconditional love.

A person engaging in self-destructive behavior lacks

self-respect. Let him feel that he is loved so that he learns to love himself.
5.Simple acceptance. In spite of differences in values, beliefs, attitudes, etc.,
emphasize that you are not condemning him for it.

Communicate that you

understand what he is going through and that you respect him for it.
In Case of Emergency
1.Back to basics. Life has become so complex and hectic.

A simple lifestyle and

environment often offers some new ways of reconnecting with the world that
guarantee emotional stability.
2.Want into need. Make the person understand the consequences of his behavior.
Build his sense of urgency by emphasizing that he needs to change such behaviors
in order not to lose what he currently has.
Plastic Surgery for the Personality
Can You Really Change a Persons Personality?
Human beings tend to act according to how they perceive themselves.

- 11 -

To

effectively reshape a persons personality, you have to change the way he sees
himself.
Change Anyones Mind, and Stop Stubborn Behavior Anytime
There are people who refuse to recognize the facts and continue with their
erroneous old ways. These types need to become more flexible and open-minded
to what others have to say. Here are five psychological techniques to achieve this:
1.The crowbar. This technique helps you make a person consider the possibility of
believing differently. Give a condition where he finds the probability of him losing
to be very low. In this way, you easily get his agreement to consider another belief
system if he will lose in the condition that you set forth. This is somehow good as
you are able to slightly bend his no to a maybe.
2.Saving face. Provide a person more information on the current thinking that you
want him to adapt. With this, he can justify to himself that it was not his fault to
hold on to the previous belief system that appears somehow inappropriate now
since there was not much information provided in the past.

Giving it up will be

much easier since he is able to save his face.

3.Quantify. To change a persons position, break it down into quantifiable aspects
to what he actually wants to say.

In this way, you can accurately isolate the

inappropriate thinking from the new one.

4.Reciprocal persuasion. Solicit and accept a persons advice and he will do the
same to you.
5.Okay, youre right, but do it my way anyway. Recognize that he may also be
correct but request him to listen to you anyway.
Make Anyone More Assertive
Certain situations indeed require that you assert what you think is right. You may
use the following techniques to instill in another this kind of ability:
1.Expanding definition. Explain what it actually means to be unassertive. Also,
emphasize that doing a courageous action does not necessarily mean betraying
ones self-concept.
2.Image adjustment.

If a person considers himself as someone incapable of

standing up in public for what is right, you may want to amend his association to

- 12 -

certain circumstances or stimuli.

3.Self-efficacy and feedback.

To prove that he is capable, constantly give

feedback about his efforts and be positive that he can successfully deliver the
expected performance.
4.Instant immersion. If there is an opportunity to be assertive, let him leap into it
immediately.
5.The reality of illusions.

Capitalize on the benefits that visualization can provide.

Allow him to imagine himself executing successfully the new behavior.

Turn a Lazy Bum into an Ambitious Go-Getter
Sometimes, you cannot help but feel sorry for people who have the capabilities to
do well in life yet lack the motivation and willingness to do so.

Now, with these

techniques, you will not just observe them passively. You can help them become
go-getters.
1.Structure and focus. Identify which needs to be accomplished first within the
day and focus on that in the meantime. Preoccupation with too many things will
not bring out positive outcomes.
2.Force a deadline. Develop a sense of urgency in a person by saying that not all
options are available all the time. Push him to maximize what the present has to
offer.

3.The power of recall. Encourage him to recall instances where he felt ambitious
so that he will mold his self-concept around this image.
4.A very narrow bridge. Heighten the significance of what is currently available to
him by narrowing his standpoint.
5.A zest for life. He should be excited enough about his new direction in life.

- 13 -

Ensure that it is not in conflict with anything that may hinder him from moving
forward.
6.You are what you wear. Inspire him to improve his appearance and environment.
Doing so will further increase his self-respect and he will be more inclined to
investing in himself and in his future.
Silence the Gossipmonger in Anyone
Everyone is guilty of this behavior from time to time. There are others, though, who
do it excessively to personally benefit from it. Some feel better about themselves
when they put other people down.
problems.

Others consider it as an escape from their own

Gossiping is likewise seen by others as a good source of power.

Whatever the reason may be, you have the right to put an end to this annoying habit.
The following psychological strategies have been found to be effective:
1.Let go my ego. Correct a persons definition of being in control or having power
as he may have attributed it to the wrong sources.
2.Internal momentum.

Cause a gossiper to declare her condescension for

gossiping.
3.The need to maintain consistency between words and actions will prevent him
from gossiping again.
4.Will the real story please stand up?
unbelievable stories.

Provide the gossiper with crazy and

When he does spread it around, he himself will lose

credibility and will eventually get tired of creating a bad image.

5.See how it feels. Tell the gossiper that you heard something about him but you
would not elaborate since it is wrong to gossip. In this way, he himself would feel
how it is to be the subject of gossip.
Make Anybody More Open and Expressive
Following these strategies can persuade a quiet person to become more open and
expressive:
1.Be smart.

Initiate conversation by asking questions and showing genuine

interest in the responses of the person. Such gesture will inspire him to express
more than what is asked.
2.Anxiety loves company.

Anxiety pushes a person to seek for company and

- 14 -

become more expressive than usual.

Take advantage of these kinds of situations.

Pull back. Talk less, give the floor to him, and listen intently.
3.You looking at me?

Mere attention causes a person to communicate and

express more.
4.The bureau. After trying situations, get the person to be more attuned to his
emotions and you can expect him to talk more.
Turn Any Wallflower into a Social Butterfly
You must have encountered a person who prefers to be alone rather than spend
time with someone else. He usually does not aim to converse with anyone and
does not have profound friendships.

You can help this kind of person become

more social by following these techniques:

1

A whole new world. If there is a chance and you have the authority, expose
that person to a new environment. This will leave him without a choice but
to explore and go out of his comfort zone.

.Improve skills. Work with him in improving his communication and social
skills. The better you are at something, the more you would want to engage
in it.

An engaging outlet. Allow the person to do whatever he enjoys to do with

people who have the same interests.

Center of attention.

Create opportunities where he can shine and

consequently enhance his self-confidence.

Change a Stingy Person into a Generous One
Have you had enough of stingy people and want change?

These techniques will

be very useful:
1. Stop begging and empower.

Empower this kind of person to make his own

financial decisions. You will notice that his attitude towards money will
soften a bit.
2. Not business as usual.

A money request that requires some sort of

thinking is more likely to be granted than one which is so common and can
be automatically turned down.
3. A dose of perspective.

Make the person realize that money is not

- 15 -

everything. There are more important things out there.

4. Advance then retreat. Try to request first for a higher amount. After which,
stoop to what you really need. More likely, he will be willing to give in since
you showed willingness to compromise.
Help Anyone to Feel Less Guilty About Anything
It is simply natural for humans to commit mistakes. As mentioned earlier, though,
a single mistake may lead to a downward spiral of self-destructive behaviors.
is this so? It is all because of guilt.

Why

Here is a four-step process to create a

positive outcome out of guilt:

1. Stop the behavior. You can do this immediately or gradually.
2. Try to make amends. If he can still correct the action, allow him to do so.
If not, let him talk about his regret. Verbalization glues commitment.
3. Solidify in the real world.

He has to create an action plan that will prevent

him from committing the mistake again.

4. A stepping stone for good. Have him reflect about the situation to see how
he can transform it to something positive.
How to Change Anyones Attitude and Behavior
Infuse Anyone with an Unwavering Sense of Responsibility
Finger-pointing is really a bad practice. It is a clear refusal to accept responsibility.
These techniques, when applied properly, will turn any blamer into a responsible
person:
1. Lead by exampleor not.

Be a good role model.

Exemplify a strong

sense of responsibility through concrete actions.

2. Rise to the occasion. Have him commit to help you on something that you
believe he is most capable to do.
3. I believe you will. Express your high expectations of him. For sure, he will
do his best to uphold it.
4. The fox and the henhouse. Let him be in charge of something he normally
takes for granted. This pressures him to act appropriately.
Bring Out the Romantic Side in Anyone

- 16 -

Some married people complain about their unromantic partners.

If you know

anyone with such concerns, inform him of the following strategies:

1. Adopt-a-persona. This is similar to role-playing. It makes your partner
get used to being romantic without feeling uncomfortable.
2. Emotional nourishment.

Constantly appeal to his emotions.

Tell and sell. Tell your partner what you really want and appreciate when he
actually does it.
3. A whole new you. Reinvent yourself from time to time.
4. A world away. Initiate on taking the romantic role and put your partner in
the right mood always.
Make Anyone More Respectful: Dramatically Change How Someone Treats You, Your
Friends, and Your Family
The following techniques require very little effort on your part but are indeed
effective in making relationships better as they significantly build respect:
1. Change your interactions. Reevaluate how you treat others. They may be
treating you poorly because some emotional needs like respect, support,
appreciation, and other are not being addressed.
2. Train him.

Tell him what is the best thing to do and inform him if he

committed anything inappropriate.

3. Outsmart him. Prove to them that you can also be in control.
Make Anyone More Apologetic
Why is saying sorry so difficult for some?
recognize their mistakes and apologize for it:

- 17 -

Here are ways of making anyone

1. By all means necessary. Put the person in a good mood with which he can
readily and willingly say sorry.
2. A wake-up call. Pull him back to reality and show him what really matters
in life.
3. Straight from the heart. Find social proof. You may want to relate a story
of someone who was not able to say sorry to a loved one who died.
4. Reshuffling the deck. Take advantage of significant events in life to make
someone apologize.

Happy events create a good opportunity for

communication.
5. Ideal steps. When apologizing, show them that you are sincere and that
you regret what you did. Manifest also the pain the action caused you then
ask for forgiveness.
6. I confess: Im guilty. A sad mood oftentimes causes people to be more
apologetic and willing to accept blame.
Erase the Anger and Make Anyone More Forgiving
Anger is a normal response when something wrong is done. But what is the point
in being angry? Why not forgive instead? Here are some techniques in becoming
more forgiving:
1. The approach.

Encourage the person to forgive when he is in a good

mood. Emphasize that he is still in control. Inform him how the other is
suffering because of the situation.
2. Nothing to show for it.

Make the person aware that the situation is not

bringing in any benefits whatsoever.

Restore balance in the relationship.

3. Good for you. Tell the person that forgiveness will benefit him emotionally.
4. A little magic.

Diffuse his attention.

Divert some of it to something

pleasurable, not just to the anger that he feels.

Make Anyone More Interested in Anything
Get anyone interested in the things that you like by following these strategies:
1. Its just like that.

Compare the activity that you like to that which he already

likes. He will then realize that it is possible for him to like it too.

- 18 -

2. Then I must like it! Studies show that a behavior that is not compensated
appears to be more enjoyable than its opposite.
3. Make it as easy as possible. Do not overwhelm him at the start.
4. Arousal approach. Boredom causes a person to do something he normally
does not do. Take advantage of this inactivity when attracting interest.
Stop Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Anyone
In conflicts, women have a tendency to get back indirectly instead of confronting
head-on. This behavior, harmful as it is, may be corrected using the following
strategies:
1. Reverse, reverse, reverse psychology.

Ask for help on something you are

having difficulty with. Rest assured that he will not sabotage you to prove
that his advice is helpful.
2. Make life easy.

Get the person to express what is bothering him.

In

between your conversation, you may suggest how he can positively respond
to it.
3. Ill show you. Inform him that you are aware of what he is doing. In this
way, he will try as much as possible not to engage in such behavior to prove
you wrong.
4. The take-away. Make things worse for the person so that he himself will be
the one to seek for the emotional middle.
5. Backfire. Actions that constantly backfire will surely turn off anyone.
Change the Chronically Late Person
Waiting for someone to arrive minutes or even hours after the call time can really be
annoying. If you follow the following techniques, you can make a person come on
time all the time:
1. Pay the price. Make the consequences of being late worse.
2. Relearning time. Reshape his concept of time and time management.
3. Lets make a deal.

Make an agreement that foresees possible

circumstances that may get in the way. Reach a compromise if necessary.

4. Psychological anchors. Use conditioning. Create positive feelings when
he arrives on time so that he maintains this association in his mind.

- 19 -

Change the Person Who Nags

Nagging often does not do any good. Instead, it increases both parties level of
annoyance. You may want to employ the following techniques to change a person
who likes to nag,:
1. The hostage solution. Keep an open line of communication and get the
nagger to tell you properly the details of what he wants you to do.
2. Put it in writing. Resort to written requests instead of verbal confrontations
to altogether eliminate negative tones and clearly lay down the details.
3. The lightning rod. Divert the naggers attention to something else so that
he will not focus and waste his energy on even the smallest petty details.
Uncovering the mask. Give the nagger what he is actually soliciting; that is,
a listening ear, appreciation, and respect.
4. Honestythe best policy. Tell the nagger how his actions are negatively
affecting your relationship. This makes him realize that he is actually losing
more.
5. Avoiding the no-win. Refocus the naggers attention from what you are
doing wrong to what you are doing right.

* * *

[ (NBS) ,
(Summary) . Book Review
,
. .]

- 20 -