W

ell
Planned

Homeschool
Focus on Special Needs

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Planned

2013 by Home Educating Family Association. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any
form without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Designer HOOKMEDIA Design Studio
Publisher Rebecca Keliher
Editor Jen McDonald
Copy Editor Stephenie McBride

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Table of Contents
Are Parents Qualified to Teach a Special Needs Child? | 4
Jennifer Janes

Special Needs: Focus on One | 8

Jenny Herman

A Different Kind of Writing Class| 14

Carol Barnier

When Rose-Colored Glasses Break | 18

NameWithheld

Special Needs and Holidays | 22

Jenny Herman

4 Focus on Special Needs

nnn

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 nikimariephoto.com

7 Table of Contents

From the
Managing Editor:
Jen McDonald

dont pretend to know what its like to have a child with special
needs, much less homeschool that child. But Ive had several friends
who do, and Ive witnessed firsthand the exhaustion, frustration, and
yes, the joys that come along with it.

For you, our reading friends, I am so pleased to bring you this

e-book especially focused on special needs homeschoolers! If
youre a family with a special needs child, I pray that it
encourages your heart, gives you some practical help, and
lets you know that youre not alone. These writersJenny Herman, Carol Barnier, Jennifer Janes, and a writer
who prefers her name withheldare right there with you.
Theyve experienced the day-in and day-out challenges that you
face. Even if you dont personally deal with special needs, my hope is that you
will pass this e-book along to other families who could use it.
HEDUAs website has so many unique resources and, Im proud to say, is
home to some of the absolute best information for special needs families and
homeschoolers. And Ill tell you the reason why. Many of you are familiar with

2 Focus on Special Needs

Jenny Herman from our Facebook page and other social media. What you
may not know about her is that she also homeschools a child who happens to have autism. Her experience has made her passionate about
reaching out to other special needs families and letting them know
that they can do it, too. She has been instrumental in bringing
expert writers and resources to HEDUA to address these topics.
I hope that, by now, youve also read Jennys awesome column
in each issue of Home Educating Family Magazine, titled In the
Trenches: Life with Special Needs. In each issue, she gives real-life,
down-to-the-nitty-gritty help for other families. Jenny is an absolute
gift to the homeschooling world!

Jennys son, Josh

And because of Jenny Hermans tireless efforts, HEDUAs website has a plethora
of media, book and product reviews, and blog posts just for special needs families. If you
havent visited yet, please take a moment to do so today! We at HEDUA hope that you will find
something to encourage or help your family in a practical way. I know I have been
encouraged in my own life by words from my friend and colleague Jenny,
including these:
We need to look to God for our strength. The following Bible verse
has carried me through many dark days: The LORD sustains all
who fall and raises up all who are bowed down (Psalm 145:14).

Jenny Herman and family

I think I can safely say most special needs parents feel bowed
down at some point, if not often. Here God tells us he will raise
up his children who are weary and bowed down. It also tells
us God sustains those who fall. I take comfort in knowing God
will hold me up.
Many blessings to you,

Jenny Herman and family

nikimariephoto.com

Jen McDonald
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7 Table of Contents

Next Article 8

Are Parents Qualified

to Teach a Special
Needs Child?
7 Reasons Why!

by Jennifer A. Janes

am often asked how I can possibly teach a child with special needs
without formal training. It stings, but its a valid question.

I am a professional educator and was a classroom teacher in public

schools for several years before I came home. Still, I was never trained
or certified in special education beyond the basics needed to identify children
who might need extra help, so I could refer them for testing and evaluation.
And yet, I manage to homeschool a child with special needs, help her make
progress, and provide her with an educational experience that has been praised
by more than one professional on her team of specialists and therapists.
I do not believe that you must be a certified classroom teacher to homeschool
your child successfully, and I do not believe parents must be special education
trained and certified to homeschool their special needs children. Heres why:

4 Focus on Special Needs

Dont underestimate yourself as a parent. God gives you

the grace to parent your children, and the bigger the need
(as with a child with special needs), the more grace you get!
1. Parental Concern Parents want their children to succeed. They want them to learn
the skills and receive the training they need to reach their potential and become productive
members of society. A childs parents will do almost anything to make sure their child receives
everything he or she needs to make that happen.
2. Intuition God gives a childs parents that innate sense or gut feeling that something
isnt right with their child. I have not always been a firm believer in mothers (or fathers)
intuition, but I am now. I have lost track of the number of times I have felt like something
just wasnt right with one of my children, and been proven correct when I finally got them to
the right professional or specialist. Dont underestimate yourself as a parent. God gives you the
grace to parent your children, and the bigger the need (as with a child with special needs), the
more grace you get!

3. Intimate Knowledge Parents know more about their children than anyone else. They
spend tens of thousands of hours with them, and they get to know every quirk in their personalities, their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses, and their talents better than
anyone else. Because of this intimate knowledge, parents are best equipped to choose curriculum and learning activities that give their child the maximum benefit.

4. Customized Learning Experiences Homeschool parents are not limited to the materials provided by the state or supplied by certain vendors. We can examine vendors, price
ranges, and the amount of research and the philosophy behind each product, and purchase
| hedua.com
the one Well
that best
fits ourHomeschool
childs needs. We
can provide multisensory learning experiPlanned
encesfor children who dont learn well with traditional workbooks and worksheets. We can
work sensory integration activitiesinto our days for children who need them. We can
take field trips to provide unique hands-on learning experiences related to the topics weve been
studying at home. The opportunities are endless.

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5. One-on-One Instruction The student-teacher ratio in a homeschool is excellent. This

allows for lots of specialized tutoring and one-on-one instruction, benefits that public schools
normally cant provide due to budget cuts, personnel shortages, and lack of time.

6. Help Parents may not be certified special education instructors, but they are certainly not
without the help they need to homeschool a child with special needs! There are special needs
consultants available for HSLDA members, tutors for hire locally, and websites and books with
research and resources galore. There are online forums where families can ask other parents whats
working for them, professionals and therapists who evaluate and make recommendations that
give families guidance in their educational decision-making, and support groups where families
can share life with other families. We do not homeschool our children with special needs alone!
For those on the journey:
If you are just beginning the journey of homeschooling a child with special needs, rest in the assurance that you can do this! God will guide you each step of the way as you lean on and trust him.
The answers to your prayers may look different than you imagined, so keep your eyes and heart
open.
Be open to using new teaching methods. The way your child learns best might be very different
from the way you learn.
Remember that worksheets, workbooks, and textbooks are not the only (or even the best) ways
to learn information.
Ask for help when you need it. There are others on the journey who are willing to answer your
questions, let you look at materials theyre using, and provide encouragement and support.
Be patient with yourself and your child. It will take time to figure out this thing called homeschooling. You will have to stop and evaluate everything periodically, and make changes so you can
keep moving forward effectively.
If you have been on this journey for a while, know that God will continue to guide and direct you
as you keep looking to him for the best way to help your child learn critical skillsfrom academics
to life lessons.

6 Focus on Special Needs

Keep asking for help as you need it. We never learn so much that we dont need to ask others
to help us.
Make yourself available to those who are just beginning the journey and could use the wisdom and expertise you have gained through experience.
Be as open and transparent about your journey as you can. It will make you approachable
and will open up opportunities for ministering to other homeschool families.
Continue to offer yourself and your child grace. Even experienced special needs homeschooling families deal with setbacks and regressions caused by changing medical needs or the
nature of various diagnoses. Theres never a time when we dont have to reassess the needs of
our children and make the changes necessary to meet them.
Stay the course. Remember the promise of Galatians 6:9 (NIV) Let us not become weary in
doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Be confident and assured in what God has called you to do. Homeschooling is not an easy journey, and homeschooling with special needs can be even more challenging. When you remember
that God has called you to this, you can be sure that he will provide everything you and your
children need to thrive!

Jennifer Janes lives in Arkansas with her husband Jeremy and

two children. Her younger daughter has special needs that have
taken several years to become fully evident. Jennifer has moved
from denial to thriving in an alphabet soup of diagnoses while
managing homeschooling, a home business or two, blogging,
therapy sessions, specialist appointments, play dates, and anything else life throws her way. She relies on God to give her the
hope and strength to face each day. You can read more about homeschooling with special
needs, faith, and family on her blog, JenniferAJanes.com, where you can also find
other ways to connect with her through social media.
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7 Table of Contents

Focus on One

Next Article 8

We dont really think of it that way. After all, its small. Sure, its bigger than zero, but everything else is bigger.
by Jenny Herman

or most of us, life is not what we expected. I never expected to have

fibromyalgia or a special needs child, or to face many of the other
challenges God has allowed into my life. Thankfully, God has used
these challenges to teach me something that I think can help you face
lifes challenges, too.
I will always remember hearing Elisabeth Elliot speak in person. She relayed
how her husband and some other missionaries to a dangerous tribe of Auca
Indians were brutally murdered. She woke up the day after this tragedy in grief
and shock, of course. Mrs. Elliot wondered what she and the other now-single
women with young children would do. I cant even imagine.
Then Mrs. Elliot shared something Ill never forget:I decided to do the next
thing. I got out of bed, put my feet on the floor, and made the bed. Then I did
the next thing, and the next. Those words have come back to me many times
over the years.

One is a powerful number.

8 Focus on Special Needs

Focusing on one task means that you simply choose one.

Forget thirty. Forget ten. Choose one thing that you can do
and do it. Pick up one toy. Give one hug to the child who
is driving you insane. Make one cup of tea to calm your
nerves. Schedule one doctor appointment.

If youre overwhelmed by grief as Elisabeth Elliot was, or drowning in the stormy seas of life,
one throws out the lifeline. Just do one more thing. Dont think about tomorrow. Dont stress
about the intimidatingly long to-do list.
JUST
DO
ONE
THING.
If she can do it, by Gods grace, so can Iand so can you. Ive been there. Ive been in tears.
Ive been angry. Ive been confused. Ive been desperate. Ive also learned how to keep going.
Focus on one.

One Task
I wonder if youre like me. Have you had times when youre so tired and overwhelmed that
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Planned
you just Well
dont know
whatHomeschool
to do next? There
are thirty things that need to be done, and yet they
all seem impossible. Your energy is drained, your emotions are raw, and your spirits are low.
The idea of grocery shopping makes you want to cry. The laundry pile looms and sends you
running. If you have to explain that math concept one more time, youre going to scream. Your
childs meltdowns have left you on the bed in a fetal position.

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Focus on one thing you can do.

Focusing on one task means that you simply choose one. Forget thirty. Forget ten. Choose one
thing that you can do and do it. Pick up one toy. Give one hug to the child who is driving you
insane. Make one cup of tea to calm your nerves. Schedule one doctor appointment.
Now you have one less thing to do. More than likely, you feel at least a bit better. You now
have the slightest momentum. If your day is so bad thats all you can accomplish, thats ok.
You didnt give up. However, on most days I bet you can find one more thing you can do. Do
it. When you focus on just one thing, your mind clears and your emotions calm. You give
yourself a break.
When you are able, choose the one thing that makes the biggest impact. I know you cant
always do this. Sometimes the thing that would make the biggest impactsay, five loads of
laundryis just not possible. However, when you have the opportunity to start with that, do
it. Let me explain.
I often use this principle in picking up my house. Did you know that your bed often takes
up, at least visually, eighty-five percent of your room? When you choose to make your bed,
your room instantly looks much better. This is often the first thing I do on days when I am
overwhelmed and I didnt make my bed in the morning, or the boys unmade it in their play.
That one small act improves my attitude and makes me think that maybe theres one more
thing I could do.
Though we have more than just housekeeping to tend to, I encourage you to think of which
one or two things around your home help you feel the best mentally when theyre done. For
me, its making the bed and doing the dishes. If the kitchen counter is cleared, I can tolerate
more mess in the rest of the house. For you, it may be something else. Figure it out so when
youre having a rough day, you can do the one thing that helps you feel so much better.

Theres nothing wrong with taking a break. An unfinished

task list is much better than a sobbing and sulking family
because everyone, including mom or dad, is on overload.
Go outside. Watch a movie. Make cookies. Play a game.
Ive even hidden in my room to cry and take deep breaths.
Give yourself permission to stop and start over.
load part of the dishwasher
pick up laundry off the floor in one room
hug and kiss your kids and spouse
race your kids to see who can pick up the most toys
clean out the medicine cabinet
delete some e-mails
put on mascara to make yourself feel better
do some jumping jacks or jogging in place to relieve some stress and re-energize
drink a glass of water
add ingredients to your grocery shopping list
write I love you in soap on a mirror
clean out old coupons
see how much you can dust in one minute
make a to-do list to free your mind

One Minute

write in your gratitude journal

There are many things you can do in one minute to free your time up later or to enrich your
life. You can:

enjoy a piece of chocolate

10 Focus on Special Needs

do some deep breathing

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When you are able, choose the one thing that makes the
biggest impact. I know you cant always do this. Sometimes the thing that would make the biggest impact
say, five loads of laundryis just not possible. However,
when you have the opportunity to start with that, do it.

LORD sustains all who fall and raises up all who are bowed down (Psalm 145:14).
I think I can safely say most special needs parents feel bowed down at some point, if not
often. Here God tells us he will raise up his children who are weary and bowed down. It also
tells us God sustains those who fall. I take comfort in knowing God will hold me up.
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; Yes, our God is compassionate (Psalm 116:5). Take a
moment and read those words again. Let those lovely, descriptive words about God sink into
your soul.

I know you can think of other things that you could do in one minute. You may need to make
yourself a list so that when youre stuck, you can choose one from the list!

God is gracious, righteous, and compassionate. We may not always like what he allows us to
face, but we can rest knowing that his character is good and perfect. Draw strength from that!

One Break

Elephants and One

I have a friend who is a special needs homeschool mom who has gone before me. One of her
sons is grown and the other is a teenager. I highly value her insight and am thankful for her
encouragement. She wrote a blog post about knowing when to stop and take a break.
Such great advice!

Have you ever heard this riddle: How do you eat an elephant?

Weve all had themdays when nothing goes right. Your child cannot read a three-letter word
or remember to put away the toy you asked him to five times and twenty minutes ago. The
laundry machine broke, your daughter collapsed because her clothes are rough, and the dog
threw up. Maybe the doctor appointment was a huge disappointment. Whatever the list, weve
been there.

How do you live as a special needs parent? One break at a time. One minute at a time. One
task at a time. Focus on one to keep going. I think youll be surprised how it changes your life.

Theres nothing wrong with taking a break. An unfinished task list is much better than a sobbing and sulking family because everyone, including mom or dad, is on overload. Go outside.
Watch a movie. Make cookies. Play a game. Ive even hidden in my room to cry and take deep
breaths. Give yourself permission to stop and start over.

Focus on ONE
Focusing on one does us no good if we are doing it in our own strength. We need to look to
God for our strength. The following Bible verse has carried me through many dark days: The

12 Focus on Special Needs

Hmmmhow DO you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time.

As the Manager of Social Media at Home Educating Family Blog,

Jenny enjoys interacting with homeschoolers. She is also excited to
bring special needs homeschooling to a mainstream magazine. She
and her husband Greg are learning to view life through the eyes of
their sonsone with an Autism Spectrum Disorder and one with
a propensity for pretending. Youll find lots of interesting stories
about finding grace in autism over at her blog, ManyHatsMommy.com.
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7 Table of Contents

And thats when it hit methey needed to learn

that they can write, any time, about anything, at
the drop of a hat, with little or no prompting.

Next Article 8

They had writers block.

They had a cramp in their writers block.

A Different Kind
of Writing Class
Help for the Reluctant Writer

I grew weary of the excuses. I just wanted them to write. I didnt even care if they said anything
worthwhile; I just wanted them writing.

by Carol Barnier

here are a bazillion writing programs out there. And there is usually
something of value in each of them. Ive tried many programs, with
mixed success, depending on the particular child, their age, what
they had for breakfast, and the current tilt of the moon.

But Im going to share with you the most successful writing program we ever
used. And the good news isyou dont need to buy a thing.

And thats when it hit methey needed to learn that they can write, any time, about anything,
at the drop of a hat, with little or no prompting. Heaven knows they can verbalize any time,
about anything, with little or no prompting (and incidentally, little or no real knowledge
either). So writing shouldnt be much of a stretch. Thus, for a whole year, this was my only
writing objective.
Heres how it worked.

FIRST: We Talked About Reporters

I explained that journalists and reporters dont have the luxury that most students do. They
dont get to pick their topic. They dont get two weeks notice. They are told to rattle off a
thousand words on a topic of the editors choice.
It may be dull.

It seemed that the place where my kids got stuck was on the starting.

It may be unpleasant.

And then the producing.

It may be a topic that holds absolutely no

interest whatsoever for them personally.
|

They had great ideas, but they never got beyond that.

Well Planned Homeschool

They were waiting for inspiration for that opening thought, that first line, that
introductory paragraph.

Ready.

They had writers cramp.

Go!

14 Focus on Special Needs

hedua.com

And, oh yeah, it may also be due in one hour.

Set.

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Thats the real world of journalism. Theres no time to sit and whine about waiting for inspiration.

Once I had my twenty-five prompts chosen, I typed and printed out each prompt. I put each
one in a separate envelope. Sealed it. And dropped it in a basket.

They must simply start writingNOW!

Now even I didnt know what was where.

SECOND: YOU, Dear Teacher, Are Now the Editor

THIRD: Daily Writing Time

Create your assignments. I created twenty-five or so writing prompts. You can make your own
as well. Or, you can find a gazillion of these online. Just Google the words writing prompts
and you find them by the hundreds. Youll also find page after page of them at the online
Writers Digest site. And here. More here and here. You get the idea.

Each day, for a mere fifteen minutes, we had writing time. Five days a week. We even set a
timer. My daughter sat at one computer; I sat at another. For us it worked better if more people
participated rather than less, but you can decide what works for your crew.

Here are some of the prompts weve used, just to give you an idea. Sometimes they were really
short and simple.
Write about a woman who has a phobia about string.
Describe your dream house.
Write a short piece that includes three shades of blue.
Sometimes they were more substantial prompts. Here are two of the Writers Digest prompts.
Babies typically talk in babbles that adults cant understand. But one day, while at the
park, youre sitting on a bench next to two babies. They start their babbling, when all of a
sudden you realize you can understand them. Even more, they are plotting a nefarious plan.
Write this scene.
When you were little, you could swear there was a monster under your bedbut no one
believed you. On the eve of your thirtieth birthday, you hear noises coming from under
your bed once again. The monster is back and has an important message to deliver to you.
If you want some prompts that take your child far into the story line before expecting them to
write, take a look at a book called Story Starters by Karen Andreola. The writing prompts in
this book have several paragraphs of lead-in and are accompanied by beautiful illustrations to
further encourage imagery for your child. If you think any of the above prompts are not appropriate for your younger writer, just add for kids to your writing prompts Google search
and youll find plenty created for the younger child.

16 Focus on Special Needs

My student selected her assignment from the pile of envelopes. We set the stage of being
journalists in a buzzing office. Our assignment editor was coming up to our desk. The pressure
was on. We were told what we must do. She tore open the envelope, read it aloud, hit the timer
and then we both began to write.
And write we did, till the timer buzzed that our fifteen minutes was up. Then we simply read
to each other what wed written and filed it away.
That was it. There is nothing amazing or astounding about this process, but there was an amazing
outcome. My daughter learned that she could produceon the spotsome kind of commentary or fiction about anything. And after a few weeks, even she owned the fact that she could
write on demand.
The next year I worried about shaping the writing, proper spelling, line of thought, etc. But we
no longer suffered from the pain of just getting started. And it turned out that this was about
90 percent of the battle.

Carol Barnier is a homeschooler of 19 years, author of four

books, mother to three children, and wife to one husband. Shes
a popular humorist frequently on Focus on the Familys Weekend
Magazine. Find out why her business cards say: Delightful Speaker, Entertaining Author, Adequate Wife, Pitiful Housekeeper at
carolbarnier.com.

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7 Table of Contents

Next Article 8

When Rose-Colored
Glasses Break

Name Withheld

e all hold ideals of what we expect our life to look like.

Often, our reality looks nothing like that ideal. And sometimes, our dreams come crashing down around us and we
wonder what happened.

I was in a heap on our bed, sobbingagain. Begging God for help, and telling
my husband I couldnt do it anymorethis time I meant it! I was failing. I
was ruining our child. I was a bad parent. I couldnt get through to him and
had lost any semblance of the peaceful home Id dreamed about. I certainly
couldnt homeschool! I should go back to work to pay for private school. I was
honestly questioning if I were even the right mother for him!
From the very beginning, our little one had extreme emotions and intense
tantrums. We tried to do our best with consistent training and teaching, but
tantrums were still frequent and huge. He was extremely affectionate most of
the time, but the rage and physical tantrums were overwhelmingfor him

18 Focus on Special Needs

and for us! We were doing everything we had heard and read to do, but nothing was changing.
We begged God for wisdom. In Christian circles, how do you ask for help for an issue like
this without looking like failures? We continually questioned our methods and tried again. If
we struggled like this with our first child, we wondered how we could ever parent additional
children.
At one very low point, I remember asking a respected older mother, How do you know when
a childs behavior is SIN and when it is a developmental or neurological problem? Her quick
reply was, Its always sin. Well, now I really had no idea where to turn. I didnt want to jump
into a world of labels and medication; yet, the biblical resource Id sought just shot me down.
So we limped along a bit longer.
As we progressed in our schooling, I began seeing issues there, too. Was it age or an actual
delay? I tried multiple programs and methods for reading. Math was a constant battle. I read
about learning styles, convinced I was using the wrong method or that I was a bad teacher.
Extracurricular activities like soccer practice and karate set off a nuclear meltdown due to
overstimulation or fatigue! Behaviors were escalating, and tantrums were becoming violent.
I remember a tantrum at the beach one daywondering if our audience was making phone
calls to the authorities. I really was at my breaking point. My heart was also breaking seeing
the battle our child faced internally.
We reached out to a doctor with pediatric experience who was able to offer us alternatives to
medication. Realizing that our little man was fighting the effects of prenatal substance exposure, our practitioner gave us a plan. More than that, he gave us hope. The Lord had led us to
someone who could help us. My heart broke that our son was facing this. I confess, I felt some
guilt (dont we always have mom guilt in one way or another?) that we hadnt realized the prob| hedua.com
WellI was
Planned
Homeschool
lem sooner.
sad that
he was facing these
challenges years after his birth mothers poor
choices. But the Lord encouraged me that he had brought us help and hope. The practitioner
explained that, over time, many of the symptoms could be minimized or healed. We also had
hope that our sons learning delays could be caught up by high school. Now that we knew the
neurological source of many of his issues, we could research appropriate support and help.

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When my rose-colored glasses shattered, God gave me a

bigger vision of who he is. His grace is not just offered one
time for our salvation, but daily for our sins and struggles.
I firmly believe Scripture teaches that God works in all things for our good. Nothing comes at
us that he does not allow (remember Job?), and he gives wisdom freely to any who ask! (James 1)
As we have adjusted and learned from walking this path, Id like to share some things Ive
learned. I hope my words can encourage you.
Adults dont fit in a standard flat rate boxneither do children. We must
not compare our children or our parenting. Our standard should not be mans opinion; we
must take our questions to the Lord and examine them in light of Scripture firstnot the
latest parenting book. This is not easy when advice is flying at us from every direction. Consider the type and frequency of books, articles, and blogs you are reading.
Dont be afraid to ask for help. If you dont know where to go, ask a trusted, experienced friend or church member. Be careful of your childs privacy, but dont avoid seeking
help, even when its humbling. You are the parent. If your gut instinct is telling you something is wrong, dont be afraid to explore it! Seek trusted medical or alternative medical help.
Life is messy. Through our experience, as well as others, I have come to realize that many
are struggling with behavioral issues, learning challenges, broken relationships, and more!
Many hide the problems so they wont face judgment. Lets learn to come alongside each
other, instead of criticizing and blaming. We must be careful that our speech is filled with
grace and is not hurtful or proud.
Parenting is hard, and the ideals and cookie-cutter approach that is taught in many
circles only makes it that much harder. The realization that encouraged me most was that
God gave us our boy. He specifically knit our family together for a purpose. He will give grace
and guidance for your specific child. Psalm 139 is filled with an amazing testimony of the
care and love God gives us.

20 Focus on Special Needs

I realize that some of our challenges are exactly why others may choose
to avoid opening their homes and hearts to children through adoption. That
breaks my heart. Though I have had many days of pain and heartache, I cant imagine not
having our son in our family. When I think of the vast need of orphans around the world,
I hope that potential families will see that God is bigger than any of this. God loves the
fatherless, and so should we. We must be willing to lay down our perfectionistic ideals to
live life the way God tells us to. Churches must break down the idealistic standard often
held up for families and allow people to be real!
Celebrate success! Some days, life may feel like it is sucking you into a black hole
and celebrating seems impossible. Try to find some baby step to celebrate! Was the tantrum
forty-five minutes instead of ninety? Did it happen at home instead of at the store? Was a
dear friend around to help you buckle your out-of-control child into the car seat? Sometimes we just fall into bed exhausted and celebrate that the day is over, and Gods mercies
are fresh tomorrow!
We must adjust our attitudes toward others. Some children really cant handle
changes in routine. Some need more sleep, while others are sensitive to various foods. We
cant think that parents who make different choices than us are wrong. As home educators,
we must also guard against pride. I dont know how many homeschool forums I read and
felt overwhelmed because everyone else was always talking about how advanced their students were! We must allow for different strengths and personalities. I am not saying we need
to excuse laziness, but we cannot judge other families choices. We dont know whats going
on behind the scenes.
Our journey may look different than yours. I hope that through sharing our story, you may
have heard a word to encourage you. If your family is struggling right now, perhaps you feel
less isolated. God is faithful and full of grace. Though our journey has had (and probably
will have again) some very dark and hopeless times, God has carried us through. When my
rose-colored glasses shattered, he gave me a bigger vision of who he is. His grace is not just
offered one time for our salvation, but daily for our sins and struggles. He builds our families
and he sustains them. We must throw ourselves at his feet.

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I have learned to view life from a different perspective since my son began exhibiting traits of autism.
I now see blinking lights, Christmas trees, large
groups, unwrapping presents, etc. very differently.

7 Table of Contents

Special Needs
and Holidays
Its NOT the Most Wonderful
Time of the Year!

likely you will encounter at least one child who does not enjoy traditional holiday festivities.
By understanding what these children face and opening yourself to letting go of traditional
expectations, you can give a wonderful present: comfort in the midst of a very uncomfortable
time.

by Jenny Herman

uring the holidays, Andy Williams croons over the shopping mall
loudspeakers: Its the most wonderful time of the year! With the
kids jingle-belling and everyone telling you, Be of good cheer!
Its the most wonderful time of the year! Therell be parties for
hosting, marshmallows for toasting, and caroling out in the snow... As a mom
to a child on the autism spectrum, I know for many children and their families,
this is just not true. In fact, in some cases, its the most horrible time of the
year because of sensory issues, social delays, communication deficits, food
challenges, and more!
Autism touches 1 in 88 children. Even more children have sensory issues severe
enough to impair ability to function in normal situations. Children with
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, attachment disorders, epilepsy, and other challenges
also find holidays to be highly stressful. Dont forget those who fight a variety
of allergies or have serious illnesses! Looking over this short list, it is very

22 Focus on Special Needs

I have learned to view life from a different perspective since my son began exhibiting traits of
autism. I now see blinking lights, Christmas trees, large groups, unwrapping presents, etc. very
differently. Lets look at this song through different lenses to understand what many children
face.

Kids Jingle-Belling
Ah, the sounds of the holidays! Most of us love the music, the fire crackling, the laughter, and
squeals of delight. However, to children with sensory issues, these things are not so lovely. For
some people, the pleasant sound of a fire popping can cause pain, or holiday music could be
so irritating they act out in frustration. Sensory issues dont end with sounds. Consider flashing
lights for folks with epilepsy or visual perception challenges. Wool sweaters and corduroy pants
can cause sensory meltdowns. Foods that appear on tables but once a year cause anxiety. A
mixture of aromas from food and candles can cause great discomfort.

Everyone Telling You Be of Good Cheer!

Consider for a moment visiting a foreign country with a language you dont understandnot
the tiniest bit of comprehension. Many children experience this every day, except theyre not
visiting a foreign country. For whatever reason, they cant communicate well or at all. Add to
this challenge all of the extra social expectations of the holidays, and you can begin to see why

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children cry or crumble to the floor. They either dont understand you or they cant tell you
what they need.

Parties for Hosting

There are many invisible special needs. Children with developmental delays and anxiety issues
do not look different. You cannot see on their body the impact that crowds will have on them,
but the issue is very real. Eye contact can cause discomfort or keep a child from concentrating
on what you are saying. Being bumped in a crowd seems like a small thing, but to some it can
trigger anger or fear. Many children do not understand social rules and have to work extremely
hard to navigate through a party. What about all of the holiday paraphernalia that people ask
kids to wear, like Santa hats? Some children are afraid of those things, or just hate things that
are different. Lets not forget the inevitable holiday pictures! Look at the camera! Sit still!
Also, parties are anything but routine, and change is very unsettling for children on the autism
spectrum, as well as others.

Marshmallows for Toasting

Food sensitivities and allergies are becoming more prevalent. Many parents use a special diet
with their children for a variety of reasons. Additionally, some young people avoid certain
foods because of color, texture, or smell. While most people look forward to holiday buffets,
these children cringe at the thought of taking just one bite.

Caroling Out in the Snow

Being outside presents challenges for a variety of special needs children. Obviously, those in
wheelchairs or who need other equipment will have a difficult time in winter snow. Other
children may be truly frightened of being outside. Some cannot stand the temperature change.
Youngsters may not like the feel of the snow on their skin or the sound of walking on the snow.
There are many children who cannot stand to wear winter clothing like jackets, mittens, and
boots.

Hap-Happiest Season of All

So, do the holidays have to remain a lump of coal for these children? Certainly not! There are

24 Focus on Special Needs

many things you can do to reduce stress and give them a great time.
If you are hosting and know a child has anxiety or gets overstimulated, make a calm,
quiet space available. Dont know in advance? Thats ok! You can still offer a retreat.
Dont get annoyed if a child doesnt want to try your mothers sweet potato recipe passed
down for generations. Is it really that important?
Ask! Its ok to ask parents ahead of time, How can I make our gathering special for
your child?
If a child just wont look at the camera or wear festive headgear for a picture, let it go.
A happy time for all is much more important than a child screaming because the turkey
feathers scare him.
Wanting to give a gift? You may want to ask parents if there is anything their child loves
to collect, or would they rather have money towards a museum membership? Especially
with children on the autism spectrum, you cannot predict a response to a present. If the
reaction is not what youd hoped, do your best to remember they are a child.
Speaking of gifts, sitting still for lots of people to open presents can be excruciating
for many. Let them walk around, play with a toy, or just go play in a different room if
necessary.
Ask guests if there are any food allergies in their family. See if there are things you can
have as alternatives, or invite them to bring something.
Avoid judging parents because of a childs behavior, lack of social skills, or casual clothing.
Now that youve looked at the holidays from the perspective of a child with special needs, I
hope that you will watch for ways to make these children more comfortable and help them
enjoy the holidays in their own ways. Consider the stress on the rest of the family as well.
My biggest tip is to relax expectations and think about what is most important. With a little
adjustment and a lot of compassion, you have the ability to change the holidays from the
most horrible time to the most wonderful time!

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Looking for a resource to help others understand your childs challenges during the
holidays? See the review of Ashis Birthday and Other Dreaded Days at hedua.com.

Ways to Help Special Needs Families during the Holidays:

Todd Wilson, used with permission.

1. Watch the children so mom and dad can go Christmas shopping. If it is not possible
to be alone with the children, offer to go along and help with the children while mom
shops.

2. Shovel a sidewalk, wrap presents, or make some holiday goodiesall of these take
extra energy that mom and dad just may not have.

3. Offer childcare so parents can attend a holiday gathering.

4. Give a $5 gift card to a coffee shopit gives the caretaker a chance to relax.
5. Take a sibling on a special outing. Life is stressful for him, too.
6. Make a meal. Check for food allergies or texture sensitivities first.
7. Ask how the caregiver is doing and listen.
8. Dont be offended if they decline a social invitation.
9. Create a movie night/date night basket for mom and dad.
10. Volunteer to do some housework, especially if you know the family is expecting
company.

As the Manager of Social Media at Home Educating Family Blog,

Jenny enjoys interacting with homeschoolers. She is also excited to
bring special needs homeschooling to a mainstream magazine. She
and her husband Greg are learning to view life through the eyes of
their sonsone with an Autism Spectrum Disorder and one with
a propensity for pretending. Youll find lots of interesting stories
about finding grace in autism over at her blog, ManyHatsMommy.com.
g

26 Focus on Special Needs

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delightful speaker

entertaining author

adequate wife

pitiful housekeeper

CAROL BARN!ER
Its always been important to me to give
people something they can take home and use
right away. Whether its teaching fractions to a distractible student or reconnecting with the heart of a prodigal
who is walking away. . .if you dont take away something
that makes a difference in your life, you may as well have
stayed at home and gotten the laundry done.

DIANA WARING PRESENTS

education thats relational TM

History Revealed
World History Curriculum

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Real Life, Practical Help!

Hear Carol Live

Speaking Schedule

www.carolbarnier.com
Carol Barnier is a homeschooler of 19 years, author of four books,
mother to three children, and wife to one husband. Shes a popular
humorist frequently on Focus on the Familys Weekend Magazine.
Find out why her business cards say: Delightful Speaker, Entertaining
Author, Adequate Wife, Pitiful Housekeeper at carolbarnier.com.

28 Focus on Special Needs

Designed for the Whole Family

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Diana Waring, author of Beyond Survival, Reaping the Harvest and the
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that the key to education is relationship.
Beginning in the early 80s, Diana homeschooled her children through
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degree in French, lifelong student of world history), Diana has been enthusiastically received by audiences on four continents.

Well Planned Homeschool

hedua.com 29

Engaging speaker, using humor and facts to encourage, support,

and equip homeschooling parents.

DR. JAY L. WILE

INTRODUCING a New

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by Dr. Jay Wile

Book Dr. Wile

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Science in the Beginning is the first book in a hands-on,

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Dr. Jay L. Wile is best known for his award-winning Exploring Creation With series of junior high and high school science textbooks.
He and his wife of more than 25 years, Kathleen, homeschooled their
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30 Focus on Special Needs

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