Conversation Dynamics

Advanced Study
Power Games
 The Power Tools People Use

Lesser Being
Power Holder
Directs flow of
conversation
Confident stance
Highly selective in
engaging with others
Highly selective in
engaging with topics
Creates new topics
Decides when
conversation begins and
ends
Draws others in or ejects
others from conversation
Goes with the flow of
conversation
Submissive stance
Generous in responding to
others
Generous in responding to
topics
Takes up new topics
Accepts the beginning and end
of conversation
Accepts being drawn in or
ejected from conversation
Ways we see the Power Roles

Power Holder Lesser Being

Strong Weak
Submissive
Confident Spineless
Cocky Forgetful
Arrogant Lost
Egotistical Controlled
Loser
Controlling Annoying
Dominating Wet
Authoritative Problematic
Suffocating Too Friendly
Annoying
Frustrating
Powerful
The Englightened
Conversationalist
A Union of Opposites
Ideas that Underpin An Englishtened
Conversationalist
Union of opposites
Combining Ying and Yang
Flexibility
Strength in Diversity
Versatility
Spread of reaction options
Freedom to choose between reactions
Appropriateness and effectiveness of response
Integrity
Likeability
Strength AND openness
 Behaviours of an Englightened
Conversationalist

Behaviour Pyramid
 How an Enlightened Conversationalist
Compares with a Power Role - Overview
Englightened One Role Player
Free to choose appropriate
response
Flexibility to adapt to different
styles
Integrity to act ethically
Integrity to act true to own
emotions
Integrity to act true to own ideas
Flexibility to learn and
incorporate new ideas
Flexibility to learn and
incorporate new emotional
responses
Response choices limited to
within role
Inflexible style, ridig adhearance
to role
Acts ethically by accident or
fixed rule, not by situation
Inability to express emotions
outside of role scope
Inability to air ideas outside of
role scope
 How an Enlightened Conversationalist
Compares with a Power Role - Specifics
Englightened One Role Player
Chooses response specific to
situation and person
Able to influence, and be influenced,
as each is required
Willing to learn and be open to
feelings, aims, ideas of others
Can access and put into words own
feelings when doing so is purposeful
Sees emotions and ideas/opinions as
equally important guides to own
contribution
Strike a balance between listening
and expression
Listening is an openess and
willingness to engage, as well as
patience to hear out others
Response choices limited to within
role
Inflexible style, ridig adhearance to
role
Acts ethically by accident or fixed
rule, not by situation
Inability to express emotions outside
of role scope
Inability to air ideas outside of role
scope
No ability to listen to ideas outside
own personal beliefs
No belief that conversation can be a
real, beneficial exchange of truth
between people, leading to greater
understanding
 Key Attributes of an Englightened
Conversationalist
Core Beliefs / Values
1. Talk is a meaningful exchange
2. Talk is an exchange of truth
3. This meaningful exchange of truth
leads to
feelings of wellbeing
connection
greater understanding
4. This increase in understanding is
learning.
5. Talk allows me to learn more
about myself, other people and
the world.
6. I engage in talk with build
connections with others, feel
good, and learn.
7. I engage in talk for my own
benefit and the benefit of all
sentient beings, and the world.
Core Behaviours
I am unguarded, therefore, I
listen to others
I am unguarded, therefore, I let
others share themselves, their
thoughts and feelings with me
I am ethical, therefore, I strive
for honesty, and choose
discretion where appropriate
I am strong, therefore, I say
what I want, I say what I feel, I
say what I think
I am strong, therefore, I can
ensure and others have a fair
say, that is, a fair share of talk
time
Additional Attributes of an Englightened
Conversationalist
Extra Beliefs / Values Extra Behaviours
1. Emotional expression covers a wide range of
1. I laugh at others jokes and my own
emotions and the intensity of expression
2. I enjoy the sound of my own voice
2. For each emotion and an intensity of
3. I enjoy the experience of great conversation
expression there is a time
4. I add wit, humour, flirtation and cleverness
3. Access to the whole range of your own
judiciously
emotions, and the freedom to choose how to
5. I express my feelings exactly, being willing to
express them leads to to very satisfying, and
step outside the bounds of what I am taught is
meaningful conversation, even in small talk
acceptable, in order to learn what I can get away
situations
with to show who I truly am
4. Access to a wide range of speaking styles and
6. I step into the hearts of others, share their
voice modulations is very useful for using
feelings and stories, and build a connection
the tools of great conversation
7. I always leave a conversation feeling good,
5. The tools of great conversation are:
because:
emotional expression
I am brave enough to express who I am
storytelling
and so feel satisfied by sharing me
wide response range response from
with the world
strength to vulnerability
I am vulnerable and open and caring
6. Wit, humour, liveliness, animatedness,
enough to listen to others and share who
clevernes are never to be neglected in any
they are
conversation. They can season ordinary small
8. Therefore I learn. I feel good because every
talk and make it great . But overused they can
conversation is a learning experience.
be repellant.