Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Car y Hepburn
Juvenile Welfare Board
Karen Higgins
PARC
Peggy Johns
Pinellas County Schools
Terr y Millican
Florida Developmental Disabilities Council
Virginia Wart
Paul B. Stephens School
Debora Wichmanowski
Chasco Elementary School
Sponsored by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration
on Developmental Disabilities and the Florida Developmental Disabilities Council, Inc.
CONTENTS
Page
INTRODUCTION
TOPIC 1:
Alike or Different
suggested for grades K - 5
TOPIC 2:
11
Becoming an Adult
suggested for grades 9 - 12
23
TOPIC 3:
35
43
TOPIC 4:
Dating
51
TOPIC 5:
55
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
67
Glossary of Terms
68
72
Exercises
76
79
Introduction
81
Background/Overview Materials
83
83
85
Introduction
CONTENTS
PAgE
POLICY DEvELOPMENT MATERIALS
86
87
TRAIN-THE-TRAINER MATERIALS
89
INSTRUCTIONAL RESOURCES
90
90
92
94
95
96
98
101
102
104
107
ADDENDUM
109
110
113
113
There are some things to keep in mind while you and your family
member learn about sexuality:
1. It is normal for all children to express a curiosity about sex.
2. It is helpful to look for opportunities to discuss the subject. For example, your family member may
ask a question dealing with relationships or, if your family member is non-verbal, you may find him/
her watching a particular movie or show involving loving relationships more than other shows. These
are good clues that your family member is noticing and may be thinking about issues of sexuality.
3. You may find that you are uncomfortable talking about sexuality with your family member. Most
parents/caregivers feel that way. You may also think you are ill- prepared to discuss the issue. Rest
assured the very fact that you are reading this workbook today means you have a vast knowledge of
sexuality - you are an adult and may have had many different types of sexual relationships. You may
not know all the technical terms, but having personal experience is a great starting point in teaching.
How you respond to your family member is as important as what you say. If sexuality is taught as
a bad or unnatural thing, then your family member may have trouble participating in society
appropriately. Keep it positive!
4. Your family member will already be aware of many aspects of sexuality through TV, the radio, music,
and classmates. Your job is to make sure your child learns to like who he or she is, and to use the
correct language and appropriate behavior for what your family member will be feeling as they mature, and move into puberty and adulthood.
5. It is important to use the correct language. The correct names for body parts will better prepare
your family member for living safely in the community. There is a ver y high incidence of sexual
abuse among individuals with developmental disabilities. We all hope it never happens, but if it does,
teaching your child to speak or point to the correct body parts where they were touched will better
help the authorities.
6. You and your family member may not always agree when discussing sexuality. Sexuality includes
discovering our own style in clothing and appearance, so make room for individuality. Your style
may not be his or her style. Even in a disagreement, keep it positive. Do not put your family member
down. Rather, teach that sexuality involves responsibility. Then discuss the consequences of acting
irresponsibly. No matter who we are, irresponsible sex has serious consequences. The consequences
may be physical or emotional. Use praise when the right decisions are made. Seek professional
counseling help should the need arise.
2
7. Talk, Talk, Talk. The best relationships involve open communication. You have learned how best to
communicate with your family member. Use this method to teach about sexuality remembering that it is
not just about sex. Sexuality is mostly about the importance of self-worth and personal responsibility in
all types of relationships.
8. There are exercises in this manual for you to do with your family member. They are broken down
into small steps. This is important to remember when teaching any aspect of sexuality, whether it be
washing ones pubic area, or appropriate social interactions. We all learn best by learning small steps.
You will also need to revisit many of the steps over and over again. You will be reminded throughout
this manual of possible skills to revisit.
9. Use as many resources as possible to teach these tasks. The brain is a marvelous thing. Different
parts are responsible for processing differing media input such as: spoken language, visual, touch,
or music. Trying a variety of media formats will help you discover which one, or which combination,
works best for your family member.
10. We all need positive reinforcement when working on a task. Throughout this manual you are
encouraged to keep it positive and acknowledge a job well done. This will help your family member
see sexuality as a positive experience and make learning about it more fun.
Fo
r
Alike or DIFFERENT?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Throughout this manual there are references to using pictures to help your family member understand
what you are trying to teach. It is true that a picture is worth a thousand words. Using pictures of
family or friends when describing various types of relationships will help make the concepts more
realistic and relatable for your family member.
There are exercises in this manual for you to do with your family member. They are broken down
into small steps. This is important to remember when teaching any aspect of sexuality, whether it be
washing the pubic area or having other appropriate social interactions. We all learn best by learning
small steps. You will also need to revisit many of the steps over and over again. You will be reminded
throughout this manual of possible skills to revisit.
Use as many resources as possible to teach the task. The brain is a marvelous thing. Different parts
are responsible for processing differing media input such as spoken language, visual, touch, or music.
Trying a variety of media formats will help you discover which one, or which combination, works best
for your family member.
We all need positive reinforcement when working on a task. Throughout the manual you are
encouraged to keep it positive and acknowledge a job well done. This will help your family member
see sexuality as a positive experience and make learning about it more fun.
Reach out to others for help. If you dont know the answer find someone who does. There are
professional organizations able to help. Even better, find another parent who has already gone through
the process and ask them what they did.
us e
w it
hG
TOPIC ONE
rades K 5 (applicab
le t o o
t he
rg
rad
es
These activities can be used to help children demonstrate progress toward understanding the differences
between males and females.
Self-management skills:
Observing differences and similarities between themselves and others
Use correct terminology or identification for body parts, including some sexual organs
Discuss physical similarities and differences between boys and girls
Recognize how they are alike and different from other people their age
Work together to demonstrate developmentally appropriate communication and listening skills.
Note: Multiple learning activities may need to be used to meet the learning needs and interests of
children. Talk to your family members teacher to find out what learning method works best in school and
then use that method at home to discuss sexuality. Share with teachers what you are teaching at home to
help build consistency across settings.
PREPARATION
so you will want to use discretion.) Many schools have anatomically correct dolls. You could partner
with the school and even perhaps borrow the dolls. You could also ask the school nurse or social
worker to do this exercise with your child.
3. The song Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes can be modified to introduce the new body parts.
4. Using dressed paper dolls or girl/boy dolls, have your family member identify which doll is a boy and
which one is a girl and why. Have him/her remove the clothing to discover the correct gender.
Procedure
AC TI VIT Y - it is important in these activities that you emphasize obser vation and understanding,
not the completion of the activities.
1. Assess your family members understanding of the concepts of alike and different, demonstrating
where needed by using like and different objects. When the concept seems to be understood, the
following game can be used for reinforcement: Sit across from them. Ask them to describe (verbally
or through pointing to an example board of different types of clothes and body parts - include the
correct terms for each item underneath) one thing about you that is different. For example - you are
a boy and I am a girl or I am wearing pants, you are wearing a skirt.. Then have your family
member describe one thing that is alike, such as, we are both girls, or we both have pants on.
2. Using the worksheet on the next page, or anatomically correct dolls, ask your child to identify what
is alike and different on each. Cover the pictures on the next page, except for the heads, and then
uncover them so they can see the difference. Keep the example board handy if they are unable to
respond verbally. If your child does not know the correct terms for the body parts, then discuss the
correct terms using verbal and pictorial reinforcement. Use correct names such as penis and nipples,
not nicknames. If your family member uses a nickname that is heard elsewhere then acknowledge
that Yes, there are a lot of names for these body parts, and here are the correct names. (Some
people like to teach both nicknames and correct terminology, so that children will know if someone
says something inappropriate to them. Use your best judgment. If your child is mature enough to
learn both, that is ok. Flash cards with both slang and correct terminology are often used in these
situations. Do be aware, however, that much of todays slang for body parts is abusive and vulgar,
Head, Arms, Legs, Stomach, Feet, Hands, Fingers, Lips, Eyes, Nose, Hips, Breasts, Penis, Testicles,
Pubic Area, other terms as you feel necessar y (see worksheet on next page).
Keep in mind that children are very observant and notice the differences in bulges or bumps in clothing
between adults and children. Introducing them to the differences in bodies and the correct names will
help them to better understand themselves when they reach puberty.
Head
Arm
Leg
Stomach
Breast
Penis
Testicles
Feet
Pubic Area
Lips
Hand
Grades K-2
Teach-A-Bodies Anatomically Correct Dolls, page 92
Bare Naked Book, page 92
Bellybuttons are Navels, page 93
Grades 3-5
Where Did I Come From?, page 93
Fo
TOPIC TWO
r us
e with Grades 48
Self-management skills:
Observing differences and similarities between themselves and others
Interpersonal skills:
Learning how females differ from males
Understanding and exhibiting appropriate behavior
Learning how to express feelings regarding emotions
growing up:
Growing up is a natural part of life. Our bodies go through many changes. It is important to understand
that everyone grows and matures at different rates. Topics for discussion could include the following:
Differences in height and weight from person to person. Note: Being overweight can have detrimental
effects on health and self-image, so this is a good time to start emphasizing healthy eating and
exercise
Use correct terminology or identification for body parts, including some sexual organs, menstruation,
and erections
Discuss the physical differences between boys and girls such as: usually, but not always, boys have
more muscle strength than girls and are therefore stronger; voice changes; obvious body changes -
breast growth, hair on legs, under arms, on the face (for boys) and in pubic area; boys shoulders may
get broader
Recognize how children are alike and different from other people their ages
Note: Multiple learning activities may need to be used to meet the needs, interests,
and cognitive and maturity levels of children.
11
PREPARATION
Your child may begin to feel growing pains (pain in muscles and joints) as early as 5, but they most likely
will feel it around 10 or 11 years old. These pains occur mostly behind the knees, in the shins or thighs,
but may also occur in the arms, back, shoulders, ankles and groin. The pains usually occur in the late
afternoon and early evening. If your child is able to communicate feelings of discomfort to you it is important to encourage him/her to do so. If your child is not able to communicate his or her feelings, being
aware that these changes are occurring will help you to notice signs of discomfort in his or her mannerisms. Reassure your son or daughter that this pain is natural and seek out professional advice on ways to
ease the discomfort. This is a time of life with many mood swings and hormonal changes. It is important to stress the normality of this. Bear in mind that your son or daughter may need additional help,
such as seeing a counselor, to help him/her through this emotional time. Remember to use small
steps in teaching concepts of puberty. This would include teaching a young girl how to put on or change
a sanitary napkin or pad.
Procedure
ACTIVITY- It is important in these activities that you help your family member understand to the
best of his/her abilities about the changes his/her body is or will be going through. Puberty is a
tough age (remember?), but to not understand what is happening to our bodies can be scar y. The
more your family member knows the less stressful puberty will be for him or her.
1. Assess your family members ability and preparedness to understand the various concepts about
puberty. Remember to use as many different learning formats as possible. Take each step of puberty
listed under the sections for girls and for boys one at a time, teaching just that term and how
it will affect your family members body. Ask your family member to describe verbally or through
pointing to a picture board the correct terms for each body part underneath. For example - If you
are talking about how a girls breasts will start to get bigger have your child point to a picture of an
adult woman to acknowledge they understand.
2. Use correct names, such as penis and nipples, not nicknames (unless you have made a considered
decision to use both). If your family member uses a nickname that was learned elsewhere,
acknowledge the different term: Yes, there are a lot of names for these body parts, and the
correct names are.
Grades 4 - 5
Where Did I Come From?, page 93
Grades 6 - 8
Changes in You: for Boys, page 93
Changes in You: for Girls, page 93
Janets Got Her Period, pages 98 -99
Areola
Pubic area
Much of a girls changes are on the inside. Pubic hair
will start to grow.
Pubic Area
Uterine Tube
Uterus
Bladder
Vagina
Rectum
Urinary Opening
Anus
Vulva
*Pages 99 - 100 list many good resources for teaching about periods.
12
13
What is puberty?
Circumcision - It is important to help your son understand the difference between being circumcised or
not. During gym class or in the bathrooms at school he may see that there is a difference. An explanation
will help to alleviate any concern.
Voice changes
A boys voice changes more noticeably than does a girls. Often this leads to teasing by peers.
You can stress that everyone goes through this, and that it is part of becoming a man. Having
another male talk about his experience would be a good strategy.
Pubic area - Boys exhibit more external changes than girls do.
Height
Testicles - the equivalent of girls ovaries, they contain male sex cells (sperm) and the male hormone
testosterone.
Scrotum - the pouch of skin that contains the testicles. When cold, the scrotum shrinks to draw the
testicles closer to the body for warmth.
Sperm duct - 2 tubes through which sperm travel toward the penis.
Seminal Vesicles - glands that produce a fluid which gives sperm energy.
Urethra - in males this has two functions, one to carry urine out of the body and the other to
carry the semen (a mixture of sperm and fluid from both the seminal vesicles and the
prostate gland).
Penis - this becomes hard (an erection) during sexual excitement. Teenage boys will
have many uncontrolled experiences of sexual excitement, which can lead to
embarrassing situations. As a parent it is important to help your son learn
appropriate behaviors during these times.
For example:
If he is in school, he may need to excuse himself to go the bathroom or
learn to engage himself in other activities until the erection goes away. If
at home, he may need the privacy of his room, or if your family does not
believe in masturbation, you will want to find ways to help him learn to
engage in other activities until the urges go away. It is natural for most
teenage boys to experiment with masturbation. Your son needs to learn
though, that there is an appropriate time and place for this.
Rectum
Bladder
Seminole Vesicle
Prostate Gland
Anus
Sperm Duct
Testicle
Scrotum
Penis
Foreskin
Urethra
Urinary Opening
14
Physical changes
Hips and Breasts - You may notice that your
hips will get wider. This is a normal part of being female. You will also notice that your breasts will
get bigger. Only girls breasts grow. Boys breasts do not grow. At first your breasts will just be small
mounds. After a long time they will get bigger. As they get bigger you will need to start wearing a bra.
Girls wear bras to give their breasts support. This is an exciting time for you, and buying your first bra is
something most girls look forward to.
Hair - The hair on certain parts of your body will start to grow too. This is one thing that boys and girls
have in common. For girls, you will find that you will get hair under your armpits, around your pubic area,
and on your legs. Hair growing on these areas of your bodies is a natural part of growing up. You will
notice that your armpits will start smelling funny. This is also part of growing up, but it means that you
will need to start wearing deodorant. Deodorant is something that keeps you from sweating under your
armpits. This sweating is what causes your armpits to smell funny. Many girls shave the hair from under
their armpits and on their legs. Your parents can help you with deciding whether you will shave your
armpits and legs. Even if you do shave your armpits you will still need to wear deodorant.
Menstruation or Periods
Penis
Scrotum
When girls mature, they change on the inside as well as on the outside. Somewhere between the age of 9
and 14, girls will start their menstrual cycles, or what is often called a period.
Here is what you can expect. Every month an egg is released from your ovary (see diagrams on page 31).
When the egg is not fertilized it dissolves. Then the blood that was building up as a lining in your womb
leaves your body. This blood is no longer needed, and your body knows to remove it. This is what we call
your period.
15
what is puberty?
AN INFORMATION SHEET FOR YOUNg BOYS
You may notice some changes just before you start your period. Girls have certain hormones that
increase so that an egg will leave the ovary. This hormone increase may make you get angry more easily.
Or, you may find that you cry for no reason. Your breasts may hurt. You may also experience some pain
in the lower pelvic area or lower back. Some girls experience only a little pain. Others experience a lot of
pain. There are medications that you can take for this pain. It is important to tell your parents or teacher
that you have pain so they can help you.
Height
Having your period is a very private thing. Girls should only talk to their parents, a family member, close
friends, a doctor, or other trusted people about it. This is not something that you should talk about to
strangers or others you do not know very well.
When you start your period your parents, family members, someone else who takes care of you, or
perhaps the school nurse will help you learn how to use a sanitar y napkin, pad, or tampon. These are
used to catch the blood that comes out from between your legs. This blood is no longer needed by your
body so it is ok that it is getting rid of it.
Pads and tampons come in many shapes and sizes. Which one you use will depend on how much you
bleed and what feels most comfortable for you.
Boys start growing taller a little later than girls but also grow until they are a little older. All boys grow at
different rates. Some boys will be very tall and others will be shorter. How tall you grow depends
on how tall your parents, grandparents or other relatives are.
Physical Changes
Above are some examples of sanitary napkins and tampons. There are many styles available so each person has to find what
works best.
16
Wet dreams - Boys have dreams at night that cause erections. This is normal. Semen (a milky colored
substance) squirts out through the opening of your penis. Semen contains sperm, which is how an adult
man helps to make a baby. You will not know that you are having a wet dream. Keep tissues by your bed
so you can clean yourself when you wake up. Be sure that you also launder your bed sheets and nightclothes, or else there will be a very strong odor later in the day.
17
18
19
House Rules:
Discuss the house rules regarding dress:
1. Where is it Ok to be without clothes on?_______________________________________________________
Public or Private?
Public or Private?
Public or Private?
Public or Private?
Public or Private?
Public or Private?
__________________________________________________________________
20
21
BECOMINg AN ADULT
For
u
TOPIC TWO
se with Grades 9
1
Self-management skills:
Observing appropriate sexual behaviors
Interpersonal skills:
Learning how to respect other individuals
Understanding appropriate behavior
Self-care:
The older we are, the more important it is for us to do as much independently as possible and being
responsible for our behaviors. As parents, it also means helping our children learn how and when to ask
for help. Following are several important lessons to teach your family member:
To feel good about oneself, one needs to take care of oneself. This means washing ones hands after
using the toilet, taking a bath, combing ones hair, eating good food, exercising in whatever ways
possible, and, for girls, menstrual self-care. As you teach your child these lessons, talk with his or her
teachers to find out what they are doing at school to teach your child. Then you can work together in
teaching your child self-care.
It is important for you to use the correct terminology or identification for body parts, including sexual
organs, menstruation, and erections.
Taking care of ones health is also important. This is the time to teach your child how to take a good
look at his or her own body. If your child sees changes that do not seem right, then they need to learn
how to tell someone about it in a way that will be understood. Likewise, if you see any worrisome
changes in your sons or daughters body, be sure to talk to a doctor.
23
PREPARATION
The following materials and resources can be used alone or in combination to meet the
specific needs, interests and maturity level of the family member.
Procedure
ACTIVITY- Your family member is now in high school and is observing the rituals of dating, going
steady, breaking up, etc. He or she may also be involved in a health education class where they are learning about intercourse, pregnancy, and babies. This is the time to really stress the importance of appropriate
sexual behavior. They will undoubtedly be curious about relationships and what his or her body is feeling
Fo
ru
se when they are near someone they like. This is also a great time to reinforce your familys faith beliefs
w it
hand
G values about sexuality with your family member in a way they can grasp.
rades K 5 (applicab
le t o o
t he
rg
rad
family members
es
)
1. Assess your
ability to understand the various concepts about relationships. Remember
to use as many different learning formats as possible. For this age group the exercises in the Social
Skills section (pages 42-47) are a good place to start. Ask him/her to describe (verbally or through
pointing to a picture board) what they are feeling (see the sample picture board in the back of manual).
Give them time to express themselves. They may have a hard time at first expressing feelings, but the
more practice they have, the better they will get.
2. Reinforce the correct names for body parts if your child uses slang in describing their feelings.
Self-esteem
This is the age when adolescents and young adults struggle with their self-esteem. They are under a
great deal of pressure at school to fit in. Strong friendships are formed that may last beyond high school.
This is also the time when hobbies and outside interests are explored. Peers are going to dances, athletic
events, and joining clubs. Give your family member opportunities to join activities with peer groups. It
is important to give your child many opportunities to share about what is going on outside the home. It is
also important to use your childs strengths, interests, and desires as guides when providing them with
opportunities to explore activities and hobbies. If your family member mentions that peers are going to
various activities, but they choose not to go, this may be a clue that they are struggling with self-esteem
issues. Again, positive reinforcement is important. Take your family member shopping for clothes that
are current with his or her peers. Reinforce good grooming skills and hygiene. Encourage your child to
try some activities with a few close friends that they feel comfortable with.
The following two pages give you some sample activities to help you collect information about your family
members self-esteem, who they look up to as role models, and how they think others view him or her.
Use the method of communication that works best with your family member to modify the activities.
If you feel your family member is experiencing extremely low self-esteem you should take him or her to
see a qualified professional. Depression often starts in the teen years, so it is important to monitor the
individuals self-esteem to be sure that they are developing into a healthy adult who values themselves for
who they are.
Note: Multiple learning activities may be needed to meet the needs, interests, cognitive capacities and
maturity levels of your child. It may help to also find out what your childs school is doing to teach these
concepts, and partner with them in teaching about becoming an adult.
If I Could Choose To Be
Grades 7 - 12
Learn about Life: Sexuality & Social Skills Set, pages 90 - 91
SEALS + Plus: Self-Esteem and Life Skills, page 95
Grades 9 - 12
The Gyn Exam, page 100 (a good resource but very expensive)
24
*Pages 101 and 102 list several videos useful in relationship building
Choose 5 -10 of the following statements to discuss with your family member, including the last two statements. You may need to make a picture board showing examples of the questions you pick. For instance,
for the first question, have a book of animals available for your students to leaf through and then point to
the ones they would choose.
Fo
r
us e
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Masturbation
Reflections of Myself
What kind of person am I? Examples: kind, quiet, honest
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Who do I think I can become?
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Which adult do I want to be most like?
Masturbation is probably one of the most uncomfortable words for any person to use. Yet masturbation is incredibly common, especially among young people learning about their own bodies. What
you teach your family member about masturbation will depend on family values and faith beliefs.
Keep in mind, though, that your family member may tr y masturbation whether or not you choose
to address the issue.
Regrettably, there have been many cases where individuals with I/DD have been denied the right to
express their sexual urges in appropriate ways. This led to them using whatever means they could
find to relieve these natural urges, often causing physical harm to them. Help your family member
find appropriate ways to deal with his or her sexual feelings.
The scenario below represents a ver y common occurrence. There are many ways to deal with such
a situation. Two possible reactions are described. Which you choose will likely depend on your faith
beliefs and values. Keep in mind that these are only suggestions, and you should use your best judgment
in how you will approach these types of situations. Take time to learn if your child is masturbating at
school, the schools policies, and teachers responses to these types of situations. Having this conversation
will help to prevent potential tensions between home and school and confusion for your child, should
they be receiving contradictor y messages from home and school.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
26
27
When the man and woman have an orgasm they may feel the muscles of their bodies getting tense
(tighten your arm muscle so they can feel what you mean). It is a very good feeling, though and not
a bad feeling. If you have discussed masturbation with your family member and you know they
masturbate, it will be easier to explain orgasm during intercourse.
If you are unsure how to best describe intercourse to your son or daughter, you might consider talking to
the school nurse or health/sex education instructor for guidance.
Safe Sex
If your family member is likely to be sexually active in adulthood, now is the time to start talking about
safe sex. This may be a hard subject for you to think about, but persons with I/DD are marrying, buying
their own homes, and even raising families. You know your family member best. Introduce the concept
of safe sex the same way you did for masturbation or intercourse. You will need to decide how much
emphasis you are going to place on abstinence and safe sex/birth control methods. For abstinence, the
saying NO pages later in the guide will be helpful to you. When teaching about safe sex, if possible, have
pictures or actual items of various birth control methods. For your son, teach him how to use a condom
the same way this is taught in school - with a banana. For your daughter, it is best to discuss the various
forms of birth control with your OB/GYN. Have your OB/GYN talk about safe sex and that they should
always use condoms to help protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases. There may be specific
medical conditions which would keep your female family member from using certain birth control methods. The OB/GYN will be able to suggest one that is the safest and easiest to use.
Condom Use
For sexually active individuals, condoms are one of the most common methods for safe sex. If you
do not want to teach your family member about condom usage, due to your faith beliefs, use alternative
ways to emphasize safe sex, such as abstinence.
When teaching a family member about condom use, emphasize the following:
Only use latex condoms (unless your family member is allergic to latex).
If you feel that your family member is overactive sexually, talk with your doctor. There may be a hormone
imbalance or other medical condition which is causing an overactive sex drive.
Inspect the condom package for a safety seal. The safety seal is an air bubble in the package.
If this is not there, do not use the condom.
Note: You may want to use pages 24 and 25 as reference for this discussion.
Condoms have expiration dates. Check the date on the package and if the date has passed, you should
not use the condoms. Throw them out. They are no longer safe to use.
Intercourse
Intercourse, making love, and having sex are all terms your family member will have heard by now. They
may even have asked you about it more than once. So how do you talk to your family member about what
happens during intercourse? It is important that you use correct terms. Even if your family member is
unlikely to ever be in an intimate relationship, it is important that they know exactly what intercourse is.
Explaining it using correct terms will help your family member describe to you if someone touches him
or her in an inappropriate way. Here is a suggestion on how to describe it:
Sexual intercourse starts when a mans penis enters the womans vagina. The man and woman move in
a way so that the mans penis slides in and out of the vagina. This movement should feel good to both
the man and woman. After a period of time, which could be a couple of minutes or longer, the semen
ejaculates (squirts) out of the mans penis. The man and woman will have what is called an orgasm.
28
Open the package using only your fingers. Anything sharp can damage the condom.
Do not unroll the condom before putting it on the penis.
Place the condom on the tip of the penis, pinching the end of the condom to keep the air out of the
condom.
Unroll the condom all the way to the bottom of the penis.
If the condom breaks throw it away and do not use it.
Do not use oil-based lubricants like Vaseline or baby oilthese damage the condom.
Condoms are used only once.
On the next page there are pictures of male condoms.
29
Note: Even when used correctly, condoms are not 100% effective.
Embryo
The female egg cell and male sperm cell unite
(A). Cell division begins (B). Cells continue to
divide (C). The division continues until a cluster
(D) is formed.
Fetus
30
31
1st Trimester:
2nd Trimester:
3rd Trimester:
Liver
Stomach
Week of
Pregnancy
Weight
Length
(Head to Heel)
1/32 ounce
1/8 inch
12
5/8 ounce
1-3 inches
16
4-3/4 ounces
6 inches
20
12 ounces
10 inches
24
1-1/4 pounds
13 inches
28
2 pounds
14-1/2 inches
32
3-1/3 pounds
16 inches
36
5-1/2 pounds
18 inches
40
7-1/2 pounds
20 inches
4th Trimester:
The fetus is about 20 long and
weighs about 7-8 lbs. Cartilage
in nose and ears develop. Rapid
weight gain.
32
Birth:
A baby enters the
world and starts
breathing air for
the first time.
33
34
For
u
TOPIC THREE
se with Grades K
8
These activities can be used to help girls and boys demonstrate progress toward understanding what is
needed to act in a socially appropriate manner as human beings in our society. The following pages will
give you ideas and activities for helping to teach your family member these important basic skills.
Self-management skills:
Showing respect for self and others
Interpersonal skills:
Understanding and demonstrating appropriate and respectful behavior
Learning how to express emotions
Note: Multiple learning activities may need to be used to meet the needs, interests, maturity and
cognitive levels of children.
35
Listening Skills
giving Compliments
Exercise 1
Exercise 3
A good way to teach listening skills is through general conversation or role playing. For this first exercise,
sit or stand facing each other. Use a real life example of a situation that happened, such as you
were sad becausethen take the following steps:
Conversation Skills
Giving compliments to others is not something that is done often enough by anyone in todays society.
Compliments, praise, or in psychological terms, positive reinforcements, are needed by everyone to help
us feel good about ourselves and what we are doing in our lives. Teaching this skill at a very young age
is the best way to instill it as a positive social skill. It will not hurt us as adults to relearn this social skill
either. Again, using role modeling, pick various scenarios, (school, home, friends, church, neighbors),
to reinforce the right way to pay a compliment. The appropriateness in each situation will be different.
If your family member is a 10- year- old girl whose female best friend just started wearing a bra, then
it is ok for her to compliment her friend on being able to wear a bra. If your family member is a 10- or
12- year- old boy, then that would not be appropriate. It would also not be appropriate for any child to say
I like your breasts to any adult. You and your significant other may make intimate remarks to each
other in the privacy of your home in front of your younger family members. This is a natural thing to do.
However, being children, they may repeat what they hear to friends and neighbors. Your responsibility
is to teach them that certain compliments are only appropriate between a couple who are in a loving
relationship and that that is the only time these compliments are appropriate. Teaching them this at a
young age (and to report anyone trying to say these things to them) will also help protect them against
sexual abuse.
Exercise 2
1.
Choose a scenario.
We all talk to people, but for some individuals beginning a conversation can be a difficult task. Add to that
an intellectual or developmental disability that inhibits verbal conversation and the discomfort or difficulty
in communicating with peers or adults is compounded. Learning a few simple conversational skills will
help your child interact more easily and appropriately. During this process, reinforce the method your
family member uses to communicate with you while teaching the skill set. Again, use a role-playing situation such as asking a friend from school to be a partner on a class assignment.
2.
Discuss the appropriate words (gestures or body language) for the compliment.
3.
4.
The following are suggested steps when explaining how to have a conversation:
Exercise 4
1.
Greet the person by saying hi and/or shaking hands. (remember that children often have non-traditional handshakes and that our traditional handshake may be inappropriate to use with others his/
her own age, so you may need to teach your child several types of handshakes). Choosing the right
time to approach the person is stressed during this exercise. This means learning not to interrupt the
other person if they are talking to someone else.
2.
After greeting the person, it would be appropriate to make small talk, e.g. asking how they are.
3.
Next you use the skill learned in Exercise 1 to make sure that the person is listening to you - nodding
or verbalizing that you are listening.
4.
When it is clear that the person is listening to you, bring up the subject you want to talk about.
Apologizing is something else that we are not very good at. For any of you who had or do have pets, you
know that they are wonderful at apologizing. As humans we could take a few lessons from them! However, you can help your family member learn this skill. Probably the hardest part of teaching this skill is
helping your family member recognize when an apology is needed. You need to discuss recognizing hurt
feelings. The best way to do that is by discussing a variety of situations when you have been hurt by others or when you have hurt someone. Choose a situation you are going to use for role modeling and follow
the steps below. (Remember that many of the scenarios that you want to role model can be found on TV
shows, videos, and even in favorite stories.) If you are not comfortable role modeling social skills such
as apologizing, you can start out using these tools to get the messages across and then move into role
modeling.
5.
6.
Then using the listening skills learned in Exercise 1, listen to what the person has to say back to you.
7.
Respond back to the other person, letting him or her know that you heard and understood what they
said to you.
8.
Finish the conversation by saying thank you, good-bye, or another appropriate statement.
1.
While you are talking, have your family member look at you making sure you both make eye contact.
2.
Ask him or her to think about what you are saying. Ask him/her to acknowledge that they are listening
by nodding or vocalizing yes or uh huh..
3.
If your family member interrupts, reinforce that they need to wait their turn.
4.
When you are finished, ask your family member questions about what you just said to ensure that they
were listening. Again, ask your child to acknowledge with a nod of the head or a verbal statement.
5.
Now reverse the roles and have your family member talk about something that happened to him/her
or how they are feeling, while you demonstrate appropriate listening skills.
36
Apologizing
3.
4.
5.
6.
Wait and listen for what the person has to say back to you.
7.
Respond back to the other person letting him/her know you heard his or her response.
37
Feelings
It is not only important to understand our own feelings; we must also understand and recognize other peoples feelings. Relationships, whether family, friend, romantic, or co-worker, take an ability and willingness
to understand how the other person is feeling. It requires good listening skills and an ability to know how
to respond appropriately if the other persons feelings, such as anger or love, are directed at us. Developing
skills to help understand how another person is feeling will also help to protect your child should untoward
advances be directed at him or her. The first step to recognizing other peoples feelings is understanding
those feelings from your own point of view as demonstrated in the previous exercise. Go through the
following exercise using role playing and the picture board, your own personal examples, or a situation
that has occurred recently where your family member did or did not react appropriately to another
persons feelings. The exercise below will help your family member recognize unwanted verbal and
physical advances.
Understanding how we are feeling and being able to express our feelings are other areas of communication
that need to be learned. These are areas of communication that most of us have a difficult time with.
\Recognizing what we are feeling is the first step in understanding who we are and how we can best
interact with others and our environment. Among the feelings we need to learn to recognize are: joy,
happiness, love, sadness, disappointment, anger, fear, frustration, anxiety, embarrassment, excitement,
confusion, misunderstanding, and physical sexual feelings. As your family member moves into puberty
they will need to learn how to recognize what they are feeling in order to know how to act appropriately.
Making flashcards of all the feelings is a useful tool when talking to your family member about what they
are feeling. Another useful tool is to make a picture board showing photos of people expressing a variety
of emotions. Write the corresponding feeling under each picture. This way youll have a tool for those
individuals who may only be able to point to or look at the correct feeling. A sample Feelings Worksheet
may be found on page 78.
You will need to explain what each feeling means many times so that your family member learns to differentiate between all the various feelings. When someone learns the basics of these feelings they will
be better able to understand and communicate what they are feeling. You can help your family member
understand what they are feeling by describing how you feel, inside, when you experience each emotion.
Remember though, that how your family member reacts internally to emotions may not be the same as
how you react. Allow for individuality. The following is an example of how you might proceed
to describe each feeling.
Exercise 5
1.
Help your family member focus on what is going on inside his/her body. Do they feel a tightening
of the stomach, or maybe butterflies? Do they feel hands, arms or mouth getting tight? Are they
blushing? Do they feel like they just cannot stay still? Do they feel like they want to cry? These are
all things a person may feel when experiencing different emotions. If your family member doesnt
know what it means to have butterflies or tight muscles, show him or her. Tighten the muscle of your
forearm and put a hand on it so they can feel it. For butterflies get a feather and lightly flutter it back
and forth on the top of the forearm. (The inside of the forearm is more sensitive than the palm of the
hand).
2. Once they can recognize how their bodies react, focus on an event that may have occurred to make
him or her feel that way. You may have to go over everything that happened that day in order to hit
upon the one thing that is still affecting him/her. Remember, it may not be a big event. Sometimes
the things that affect us the most are the little things - like not getting that first cup of coffee in the
morning!
3. Once you have found the event, focus on naming what they are feeling. Use the flashcards or picture
board to help identify and put a name to the feeling.
4.
The last step are for them to practice communicating what they are feeling to you. Use the steps from
Exercise 2 to help your family member do this.
Exercise 6
1.
Put yourself in the role of the other person. If the person was angry, then make yourself look angry
physically. Have your family member look at you closely. Or, use the picture board and show him or
her the picture of an angry person.
2.
Say what a person who is angry might say when expressing this anger to another person. Have your
family member use good listening skills (Exercise 1) during this time.
3.
Have your family member discuss what they see in the other persons physical reaction, i.e. tight
muscles, squinted eyes...
4.
Help your family member put a name to the feeling they are seeing, i.e. anger or whatever feeling you
are trying to demonstrate.
5.
Discuss appropriate ways in which to show that your family member understands what the other
person is feeling. This may include a yes nod,, a simple touch on the arm, or in some situations moving away from the person and leaving him or her alone. (In the case of unwanted sexual advances the
appropriate course of action is to leave immediately and tell a trusted individual what happened).
6.
Decide what response is the best and then have your family member practice that response.
Remember: The better the ability of your family member to communicate effectively and appropriately,
the better self-image they will have. This translates into a better quality of life. Another reason for good
communication skills is so that, should they need to report a person for unwanted advances (sexual or
violent; verbal or physical), they will be able to be as accurate as possible in relating the situation.
Grades K - 2
The Way I Feel Board-book, page. 94
Grades 3 - 5
The Way I Feel, page 94
What is a Feeling?, page 94
38
39
For instance:
You and your family member are in the grocery store. You meet a neighbor, Mrs. Smith, whose husband
just recently died. Your family member overheard you discussing it with another adult. Your family
member says to Mrs. Smith, So John died huh? Of course you are horrified, but you can turn this into
a positive learning experience. Your response could be something like this, Yes, Sally, Mr. Smith did just
die, and Im sure that Mrs. Smith would like to know that we are all very sad for her and that we would be
happy to help her in any way. Then when you are somewhere where just you and your family member
can talk privately, go over the whole conversation again, but use the conversation skills learned in the
previous exercise to show what would have been the proper thing to say. The following is one way of
modeling the conversation.
You: Hello Jane (Mrs. Smith)
Jane: Hello
Sally: (Your family member) So John died huh? [Now stop the conversation and tell
your family member what the appropriate thing to say would have been and practice saying
that, with you playing the part of Mrs. Smith]
Mrs. Smith: Hello.
Sally: Hello Mrs. Smith. Im sorry to hear about your husband.
40
41
For
TOPIC THREE
use w
ith Grades 6 12
Self-management skills:
Showing respect for self and others
Interpersonal skills:
Learning how to talk to peers and adults
Understanding and exhibiting appropriate and respectful behavior
Learning how to express feelings regarding emotions
Note: Multiple learning activities may need to be used to meet the needs, interests, maturity and
cognitive levels of family members.
43
Feelings
Now you are at home and the situation is one where you have asked your family member several
times to do something and they did not do it. Now you are angry. You appropriately express your
anger to your family member, and then go over the correct response - your family member agreeing
to be responsible and do what was asked.
3.
In this last situation your family member is with a group of friends when one of the friends says
something hurtful to another friend. This friend who is hurt gets angry with the person who said
the hurtful thing. The offending person denies saying it. You must discuss with your family member
who heard the hurtful thing how to respond to both the friend who said the hurtful statement for example:, Im sorr y, John, but I heard you say it and feel you owe Mar y an apology and I
heard what John said, Mary. That must have hurt a lot. I know it isnt true.
Anger
In Exercise 5 in the Beginning Social Skills section we
worked on understanding our own feelings, including anger.
In this section we are going to work on recognizing and
dealing with other peoples anger. Whether the anger is
directed at us as individuals, as part of a whole group
(such as in a classroom or at a family gathering), or
whether it is someone expressing anger about something
totally unrelated to us, there are appropriate and
inappropriate ways of dealing with anger.
The exercises below can be used for all age groups, depending on ability.
Following the steps used in previous role modeling exercises, here are several ideas for exercises to use
with your family member.
All humans, no matter their abilities or disabilities, need to give and receive affection and love. Denying a
person the ability to give and receive affection or love is to deny him or her one of the most basic facets
that make up a persons sense of self-worth. As parents or caregivers you need to nurture your family
members natural exploration of feelings of love and affection, and guide him or her toward expressing
and receiving these feelings in appropriate ways.
1.
Using the listening skills learned in Exercise 1, listen to what the person is saying.
2. Try to understand what the person is feeling. Use the feelings picture board or flash cards you made
for exercise 5 to help your family member identify the angry picture.
3.
Discuss whether there is any response that your family member could make to the person who is
angry. This of course would depend on the situation, which is why modeling as many situations as
possible is helpful.
4.
If the situation calls for a response (such as an apology or affirmation that you heard what the other
person was saying), practice responding with the correct words or statements - Im sorry I didnt
listen to you.,, Im sorry I didnt clean my room when you asked.,, I can see you are angry at the
other person, what can I do to help?, or I am listening to what you are saying. For an individual who
is non-verbal but can make gestures with the head or hands, practice the following: good eye contact,
nodding the head in a yes, sign language for yes (a closed fist moved up and down as one would nod
yes with the head), or other affirmative body language that would let the speaker know they are being
heard and understood. If your family member uses a language board, you may need to make some
additional correct responses. Again, teaching as many people as possible how your family member
communicates will help significantly.
Note: It is also important to teach when it is not appropriate or necessary to deal with another persons
anger. This may be in a case of an abusive situation where the best course of action is to leave immediately
and find a trusted individual to tell.
44
Affection
In this situation, the role modeling you are going to use is that of a classroom teacher. The whole
class was very loud and disruptive, not responding to prompts to be quiet. The teacher was upset and
had to raise her voice to get the students attention. The correct behavior/response from the students
is to agree to pay attention and be quiet.
Exercise 8
Using the following steps, role play with your family member the appropriate way to show affection toward
you, a ver y good friend who your family member has not seen in a while (i.e. greet with a hug), another
adult extended family member, a favorite teacher at school (taking a small gift in to show positive feelings
toward the teacher). During these exercises it is also important to emphasize inappropriate behavior from
and toward your family member. You will need to include discussion on personal space and respect.
For instance, it would be inappropriate for your family member to always go up and hug his/her teacher
or another classmate (especially if they have a crush on this person). It is also important to stress
inappropriate touch toward your family member by an adult or classmate.
1.
Choose one type of feeling of affection. Or, maybe your family member has mentioned that they like
another classmate. This would be a good opportunity to discuss appropriate affection in a situation
that is real to your family member.
2.
Discuss whether or not it is appropriate for your family member to tell the other person how they are
feeling. In the case of someone expressing feelings toward your family member, discuss whether or
not those feelings are appropriate. If the other person is expressing feelings appropriately, discuss
45
with your family member how they feel about the other persons feelings toward him or her. This is a
good time to emphasize concepts of rejection (this includes understanding that the person for whom
your family member is directing certain feelings may not reciprocate those feelings), and assertiveness
for ones own right to say I dont feel the same way.
3.
Discuss the best way to tell or show the person how you feel.
4.
Practice expressing those feelings using whatever communication method your family member uses.
5.
Practice good listening skills and let the other person respond.
4.
Fear
Fear is something that ever yone feels. It may be a small fear that we will not get to the store before it
closes, or it may be a big fear like a hurricane. In some instances fear keeps us safe, as a fear of fire
teaches us to be cautious with it. In other instances an unrealistic fear, such as being afraid to go outside of the house, can prevent us from fully participating in life. Being able to recognize the feeling of fear
and deciding how to deal with it are very important social skills to learn. The exercise below will give you
and your family member the opportunity to learn ways of figuring out what your family member may be
afraid of and then how to best deal with those fears.
Use the exercise above every chance you can to help your family member deal with fear. The more you
use it the better prepared your family member will be to cope with fear.
Self-control
It is often hard for people to express their fears. This may be because they do not understand what they
are feeling, or because they are afraid that someone will just say Oh dont be silly! Thats nothing to be
afraid of. When working with your family member it is important to remember that, to you, the fear may
seem silly, but to your family member it is real and should be recognized as such. We fear that which we
do not understand or know about. Affirming your family members fear is important. Helping him or her
to understand fear will build trust, enabling him or her to express these fears. Feeling safe to express fear
will also help protect them from abusive situations, or to report it if someone has abused them in any way.
Self-control crosses all aspects of a persons life. It can be something as simple as not eating that third
cookie, or as complicated as controlling ones anger or not acting on sexual impulses inappropriately.
Everyone struggles on one level or another with self-control. Recognizing how we act and feel (physically
and emotionally), can help us learn to have better self-control. Lessons on self-control are not something
we learn and then, voila, we have self-control. Rather, they are lessons we have to revisit almost every day
of our lives. As a parent or caregiver of a child with a developmental disability, teaching self-control can
have added complications. You may have to revisit the lessons many times a day. Once you learn how to
best teach your child the concepts of self-control, make sure you share your methods with everyone your
child comes in contact with (teachers, neighbors, and extended family members). The more people
reinforcing positive self-control, the more chances your family member will have to grasp the concept.
Exercise 9
Exercise 10
Using role playing, discuss various fears that you already know that your family member has. Starting
with the known will build trust and understanding to help your child recognize and express those fears
that you may not know about.
This exercise is best done one on one with a person who has experienced a loss of self-control recently.
1.
2.
3.
46
Talk through the fear, discussing as much information about it as you can. You may find that the fear
is something you do not know enough about. In this case you may need to go ask someone else for
information, or have your family member see a professional such as a psychologist who is trained to
help people work through major fears.
Choose a situation that you want to role play. Perhaps it is a fear of thunderstorms. Help your family member to recognize that what they are feeling is fear. You can use Exercise 5 to help your child
recognize this feeling.
If they are not sure what it is they are afraid of, run down a list of possible fears until your child acknowledges that Yes, that is it. You could also make a picture board of things that people are often
afraid of and point to various ones until your child say yes to one of them. Do not give up! There are
so many things out there that people can be afraid of, and remember, it may be something really small
like a spider in the bedroom. Remember that, as you go down lists of potential fears, you may not hit
on the major fear, but each time you address a fear with your family member, you will build the childs
confidence to talk to you about fears being experienced later on.
Discuss whether or not the fear is an actual threat to your family member or if it is just something
they need more information about to better understand it and then not be afraid of it anymore.
1.
Using role playing, discuss something that recently happened at home such as: your family member
hit a sibling.
2.
Ask your family member what was happening when the incident occurred.
3.
Ask your family member to explain what they were thinking or feeling when they hit their sibling
(angry, frustrated, etc.). Use the picture board if appropriate.
4. Discuss ways in which your family member can learn to recognize these feelings.
5.
Discuss ways in which your family member can control his or her behavior when these feelings arise,
for example, counting to 10, going to his/her room, coming to talk to you or another adult.
These steps can also be used in helping an adolescent deal with sexual urges. You will need to teach that
touching oneself when feeling these urges is a VERY private thing and should only be done in his/her
bedroom or bathroom while alone. If you have tried everything and your family member still lacks selfcontrol, particularly sexually, then you may need to seek professional advice from your family doctor or a
specialist. Dont ever be afraid to ask for help. The important thing is to help your family member have
quality of life in an environment that offers choice and safety.
47
Exercise 11
For this exercise, use a variety of situations. Some of these situations may already have happened, and
others might be possible scenarios. Some examples include getting into trouble for something he or she
did not do; being teased by peers at school; wanting to have people knock on the bedroom door before
entering (need for privacy); being pressured by someone to do something they know is wrong (pressure
to engage in a sexual activity, drink, use drugs, or smoke, for example); seeing someone do something
wrong to another person, or finding that your family member violated another persons rights. Once you
decide on a topic, use role playing to run through the scenario using the following steps.
1.
Discuss the situation you are going to role play, having your family member focus on the event.
2.
If it is a situation that already occurred, have your family member think about what they were feeling
while the event was happening. Ask your child or adolescent to try to identify the feeling (use the
picture board if necessary). If the event hasnt occurred yet, discuss some ways that they might feel
in this scenario. This may help your family member recognize how they might feel should they find
themselves in this situation at a future time.
3.
Go over various ways in which they might assert their rights or help another whose rights
were violated.
4.
Have your family member practice asserting him or herself. You will likely need to do this over
and over again. Assertiveness is not easy for anyone, especially in situations where peer pressure
and the desire to be accepted are also being felt.
Note: It is easy for families and caregivers of children and adolescents with developmental disabilities to
think that typical peer pressure activities such as smoking, drinking and
using drugs will not be faced by their family members. This is not true! Children with
and without disabilities face these pressures at school, in their neighborhoods, and perhaps
in their own extended families. It is important to include these types of situations in your
discussions to prepare your family member to face these situations and to protect his
or her rights.
Grades K-12
Social Skills Activities for Special Children, page 96
Social Skills Stories: Functional Picture Stories for Readers and Nonreaders, page 96
More Social Skills Stories: Very Personal Picture Stories for Readers and Nonreaders, page 97
Grades 6-8
Connecting with Others: Lessons for Teaching Social and Emotional Competence, page 98
Grades 9-12
Connecting with Others: Lessons for Teaching Social and Emotional Competence, page 98
48
49
DATINg
For
TOPIC FOUR
use w
ith Grades 8 12
Note: Multiple learning activities may need to be used to meet the needs, interests, and cognitive and
maturity levels of children.
51
Dating
1.
It is important that you have a clear working definition of what dating means in your household.
Your policy may include no phone calls after 8:00, only going to the movies or other social event
on weekends, or that there must be a group of people going with at least one adult as chaperone.
2.
Discuss what is allowed and is not allowed to happen on a date in terms of intimacy, i.e.
kissing, holding hands, but nothing more.
3.
Talk about abstinence, and then talk about it some more. Be sure you go over lessons on
saying no, found in later pages of this manual.
4.
Go over the social skills exercises on listening, conversing, and respecting the rights of others.
5.
Include other siblings in the conversations. Share dating stories, good and bad. This will help
reaffirm what is appropriate behavior on a date. (Talk with the siblings beforehand to be sure they
understand the purpose and nature of the exercise.)
6.
7.
Arrange for your family member to have social dating interactions through community service
projects, after-school programs, a faith community, clubs, or sporting events.
8.
Remember to talk with your childs teachers at school. Share your house rules on dating and your
strategies for teaching dating and providing safe dating experiences for your son or daughter. Your
child is likely to discuss dating at school, and the more information your family members teachers
have, the more able they will be to reinforce your efforts and promote consistency across settings.
Alternative Lifestyles
In todays world your family member will, sooner or later, be introduced to alternative lifestyles,
such as homosexuality. Homosexuality is when a person is attracted to someone of his/her own sex.
When children are going through puberty it is actually common for them to be attracted to someone of
the same sex. As puberty progresses these feelings change to an attraction for the opposite sex.
The subject of homosexuality is not something that can be avoided, nor should it. Homosexuality is
52
53
TOPIC FIVE
For use with All G
ra d
es
Myths
People with intellectual/developmental disabilities are not sexual beings.
People with I/DD are not attractive to others.
Sexual or physical assault on persons with I/DD is usually by strangers.
People with I/DD dont suffer Post Traumatic Stress following an attack.
People with I/DD dont have a right to the same protection as everyone else.
Realities
People with disabilities of any type are sexual beings and have the same curiosities as everyone else.
Sometimes these curiosities can put them in harms way. Having sexual urges and having the capacity
to understand the consequences of acting upon them are two different things. Those individuals able to
grasp the concepts presented earlier in this manual will be better prepared to avoid situations where they
may be sexually abused.
Rape has nothing to do with whether or not a person is attractive. It has everything to do with one person
violently enforcing control and power over another individual. Compounding the issue is the fact that
97 - 99% of abusers are known and trusted by the person with an intellectual or developmental disability
(Reynolds, 2005). Reports on abuse cases show that 32% of abuses were committed by family members
or friends, and another 44% came from professionals working with individuals, such as care staff or
transportation providers (Reynolds, 2005*). These figures are staggering and imply that more needs
to be done with people with I/DD to help them better protect themselves.
Many individuals with I/DD who have been assaulted, sexually or physically, are not given the means
for processing what happened to them. They have the same rights as anyone to file police reports, press
charges, participate in prosecutions of abusers, and - most importantly - seek counseling for traumas
that they have experienced. As a parent/caregiver, if your family member experiences abuse, you would
need to look for the right person to provide counseling. You want someone familiar with working with
individuals with I/DD, willing to learn to communicate with your family member in a way most appropriate
for him/her, and who is knowledgeable in both sexual and physical abuse. You will likely need someone
to help you deal with your emotions, as well, for you too may be very traumatized by the event.
The following pages will discuss what to look for and how to implement strategies for helping your
family member avoid harmful situations, or what to do should they find themselves in an potentially
abusive situation.
*Reynolds, L.A. (2005). People with mental retardation and sexual abuse. Retrieved on October 3, 2005,
from www.wsf.org/behavior/guidelines/sexualabuse.htm
55
Child abuse
Physical
The best strategy is to start teaching your family member as young as possible about the types of abuse.
Stress good touch bad touch. Television, magazines, and movies are full of opportunities to teach
about abuse. For example, your family member is watching a childrens movie where the hero is
imprisoned by the villain. The villain overpowers the hero using force. This would be a good time to talk
about why using force is wrong. Use everyday examples of real life events to teach. These will have the
greatest impact on your family member.
* Bruises
* Welts
* Burns
* Fractures
* Lacerations/cuts
Neglect - Although this area may not be of a concern to those of you reading this
workbook, it is still important that you recognize the signs of neglect. You may find that
your family member has friends who exhibit these signs.
What to look for physically
* Dirty or hungry
* Reports being left alone a lot
* Tired and listless
* Untreated physical problems
* Lack of routine medical care
* Overworked, exploited
* Abandoned
Sexual
What to look for physically
Talk, talk, talk. As stated earlier, the more conversations you have with your family member, the more in
tune you will be to subtle changes in expressions or behavior. If a person does not know what abuse is,
how are they going to know when it happens and when to report it? Talking to your family member
about abuse is vital in reducing the risk of abuse!
Teach your family member how to question when something does not seem right. Often individuals with a
disability are taught to be compliant to authority figures, or they go out of their way to try to please authority figures by saying or doing what they think others want. This leads them to think that they should not
question the behaviors of those in authority. Teach your child that no question is a wrong or bad question. Tell them that statements such as: If you tell anyone about this you will get in trouble, are warning signals and that they MUST come and tell you or another trusted adult about it. Assure your family
member that they will NOT get in trouble for talking about it. Be sure that you communicate this message
to your childs teachers and others who provide care.
If your family member is able, have him/her take a self-defense class. There are many self-defense
programs around now that specialize in helping people with disabilities learn self-defense. Call around to
your local self-defense businesses. If they do not specialize, ask if they would be willing to start a class.
Perhaps your childs school can help by contracting with a self-defense program to offer programs for all
their students with disabilities.
The next few pages discuss ways to help your family member protect himself or herself from sexual
assault or rape. Using the role playing techniques you used for social skills activities, model the topics
that you feel your family member will be able to understand.
Note: Multiple learning activities may need to be used to meet the needs, interests, and cognitive and
maturity levels of children.
Emotional
What to look for physically
Note: While this list can be an invaluable tool to begin gathering information about whether abuse could
be occurring, identification of any of the above symptoms in your family member does not necessarily mean
that abuse is occurring. You must ask a lot of questions to rule out any other alternative explanations. For
example, many of the symptoms of emotional abuse can also be signs of depression.
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57
Use television shows the person may watch to teach the difference between good and bad touch.
News broadcasts offer great opportunities for discussion and example.
2.
Use real life events that have happened or may happen, such as the following: Your female family
member is on the school bus. An older boy starts tugging on her hair and coaxes her to the back of
the bus. He then starts to tug on her skirt just like he did with her hair, playfully. Then he tugs her
skirt up and touches the top of her leg. This is bad touch and is no longer being playful. Your family
member should immediately report this to an authority figure.
3.
You also need to get a circle of people that your family member is familiar with so they know who
to go to if someone touches him or her in a bad way. Unfortunately, you also have to try to help
your child understand what to do if the person who is doing the bad touch turns out to be one of
the trusted individuals.
4.
58
Teach your family member how to say NO! Even if your family member is non-verbal, they manage
to get their preferences across to you. They already have taught you how they express NO. Be sure to
share your childs ways of communicating distress, discomfort, saying yes and no with all other care
providers and trusted adults. If your family member uses an assistive communication device, be sure
it is programmed so they can communicate distress, NO, stop, and other ways to stop a potentially
abusive situation. The following worksheets give some examples on how to teach your family
member to say NO.
Exercise 1
Your family member walks home with some neighborhood kids every day. They all know they are supposed
to come straight home. However, this time the kids find out at the last minute that there is an after-school
event that they decide they are going to stay for. They tell your family member to come with them, that it
will only make them late getting home by one hour.
Ask your family member what they should do. One example of a correct response would be that your
family member says no and goes to find a phone to call home, or goes to the school office to ask for help.
If you are reliant on informal situations such as the one just described, be sure your family member knows
alternative ways to get home safely.
Exercise 2
Your family member wants to make some friends. They ask to go to the school dance. While at the dance
some of the kids sneak outside and your family member goes with them. The kids start smoking and
offer the cigarette to your family member. What should they do?
There are two things happening here. The first one is leaving the dance and sneaking outside because of
a desire to be liked by the other kids. The second is saying NO to the cigarette and not being pressured
by name calling such as sissy or baby.. Your discussion should include knowing how to choose the
right kind of friends, as well as ways to walk away from situations where your family member may be offered cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs.
Exercise 3
This exercise involves your son or daughter going to the movie with some friends. First, we will address a
potential scenario involving a son, then a daughter. Your son likes one of the girls who is there. They sit
next to each other in the movie. Your son is sexually attracted to this girl. He tries to touch her breasts
during the movie. She tells him to stop, but he does not want to. In this situation you need to teach three
things. First, that the movie is not the appropriate place for any kind of sexual touching. Second, that the
girl said NO and is therefore not consenting to being sexually touched. Finally, you need to teach him how
to deal with his sexual urges in a public setting such as a movie theater in a healthy and safe manner.
Now the same scenario, but this time it is your daughter at the movie. She likes one of the boys there.
They sit next to each other. He starts to touch her pubic area. She knows it isnt right and tells him to
stop. He does not. Teach her to immediately leave, report the incident, and go home.
59
Exercise 1
Have individual choose from the pictures given below each question.
When you are sad what does your face look like?
Come on, everyone is going. You have to come if you want the other kids to like you.
2.
3.
Come on, try it just this once. You wont get in trouble, I promise!
4.
Its OK to come with me. I already talked to your Mom/Dad and they said it is OK.
5.
All the other kids are doing it. You want to do what everyone else is doing, dont you?
6.
When you are angry what does your face look like?
When you are happy what does your face look like?
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Exercise 2
Exercise 3
What are types of good touches? (Help the individual communicate hug, kiss,
holding hands, etc.).
What are types of bad touches? (Help your family member communicate hitting, pinching, slapping, etc.)
We all like to get hugs and kisses from our parents and others we know and trust. These are good
touches.
Hugs and kisses from people we do not know or do not like are bad touches. It is very important to know
who it is OK to get hugs and kisses from. (Discuss some personal examples with your child.)
When we get good touches such as hugs and kisses from our parents it makes us feel happy. When
people we do not know hug and kiss us it should make us feel sad or unhappy. This is how you know
it is a bad touch.
What about when someone tickles us. Is that fun? Does it make us laugh? Are we happy? If you like to
be tickled then it is good touch. But if you dont like to be tickled it is bad touch. Sometimes a person
may tickle us and at first it is fun. But if they dont stop it can become bad touch. It becomes bad touch
when you tell them to stop and they dont. It becomes bad touch when they tickle you so much that you
cant breath or you start to cry.
Doctor
No one other than your parents, a doctor or nurse who is trying to make you better when you are sick, or
another trusted individual who is helping you in some way, should ever touch you on your penis, breasts,
vagina, or bottom. (Use the pictures from earlier lessons to reinforce the body parts.)
If someone you do not know or trust touches you in a bad way you need to tell someone right away! Tell
your parents, teacher, school nurse or other trusted person. (Families/caregivers need to go over this list
with their family member. Create a picture board with pictures of trusted people as a reminder for your
family member.) If the first person you go to doesnt listen or believe you, go to someone else. Keep trying until someone listens to you.
Husband and Wife
62
Friends
63
64
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
CONTENTS
Glossary of terms
An overview of sexually transmitted diseases
Sample picture board on growing up for girls
Sample picture board on growing up for boys
Sample picture board on feelings
Note: Multiple learning activities may need to be used to meet the needs and
interests of children.
67
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Acne Lesions
Usually start at the onset of puberty, most common on the face, but can also occur on the neck,
chest, back, shoulders, scalp, and upper arms
and legs.
Chlamydia
A sexually transmitted disease.
Amenorrhea
Chromosome
Anus
The outlet of the rectum (the lower part of the
large intestine), through which solid waste
leaves the body.
Circumcision
Areola
Clitoris
Blackhead
Delayed Puberty
Birth Canal
Bladder
The organ that holds urine, liquid body waste.
Bloating
Swollen beyond normal size due to retaining of
fluid.
Breast Buds
The first stage of breast development
during puberty; small swellings directly underneath the nipple.
Cervix
The opening between the uterus and the vagina
that has a small opening (about the size of a
68
Dysmenorrhea
Painful menstruation; cramps. This may be
a sign of endometriosis.
Ejaculate
The semen and sperm expelled during
ejaculation.
Endocrine Gland
Follicle
Endometriosis
The presence and growth of functioning endometrial tissue in places other than the uterus
that often results in severe pain and infertility.
Foreskin
Loose skin covering the end of the penis.
Genitals
Endometrium
The mucous membrane lining the inner
surface of the uterus, which grows and sheds
in response to estrogen and progesterone
stimulation.
Genital Herpes
A sexually transmitted disease.
Epididymis
Glans
Growth Spurt
Erectile Tissue
Spongy tissue containing many blood vessels;
it becomes rigid and erect when filled with
blood.
Erection
Hardening of the penis.
HIV/AIDS
A sexually transmitted disease.
Hormones
Fallopian Tubes
Hymen
Fertilization
Hypothalamus
Estrogen
Fetus
An infant developing in the uterus,
from the third month to birth.
Impotence
The inability of the man to have an erection
and to ejaculate.
Flaccid
Ejaculation
Infertility
Embryo
A name given to a fertilized ovum, from the
second through the eighth week of development.
69
Pituitary Gland
Secretion
Urethra
Leukorrhea
Pregnancy
Urination
Premature Ejaculation
Seminal Vesicle
Uterus
A condition in which the man becomes so sexually excited that most of the time he ejaculates
prior to penetrating the womans vagina.
Premenstrual Syndrome
Sexual Intercourse
Masturbation
Manual stimulation of the genitalia leading to
orgasm.
Menopause
The stage at which menstrual activity ends.
Menstrual Cycle
The period of time measured from the
beginning of menstruation (a period), through
the series of regularly occurring changes in the
ovaries and uterus, until the beginning of the
next menstrual period.
Menstruation
The cyclical shedding of the uterine lining in
response to stimulation from estrogen and
progesterone.
Progesterone
A hormone that is involved with the menstrual
cycle and pregnancy.
Prostaglandins
Nocturnal Emission
Prostate Gland
Semen
Sperm
Vagina
The canal that forms the passageway from the
uterus to the outside of the body.
Vaginal Discharge
Virgin
Syphilis
A sexually transmitted disease.
Testis (Testicle)
Vulva
Orgasm
Puberty
Testosterone
Ovary
One of a pair of female reproductive glands
which hold and develop eggs and produce
estrogen and progesterone.
Ovulation
Pubic Hair
Hair over the pubic bone which appears at the
onset of sexual maturity.
Whitehead
Reproduction
The process of conceiving and bearing children.
Umbilical Cord
Ovum
Scrotum
Zygote
A cell produced by the union of a sperm
and egg.
Penis
The male reproductive organ involved in sexual
intercourse and elimination of urine.
70
Overview of Sexually
Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are infections of a persons reproductive organs. STDs are
extremely serious. They can make you extremely sick, and can leave you unable to have babies. Both
girls and boys can get STDs, and both boys and girls can be carriers of STDs, meaning that they
may not show symptoms of an STD, but still have the disease and can spread it to others they come
into intimate contact with.
STD
Chlamydia or
NGU
It will be important to talk to your family member about the dangers of STDs, including HIV/AIDS,
especially if they are likely to be engaged in a sexually intimate relationship with another consenting
individual. This is a complicated subject, and you will need to use your best judgment as to what
information your child can handle. By now, you will have an excellent sense on how best to teach
your family member about difficult subjects relating to sexuality.
Here are some topics to discuss with your family member, using the role modeling techniques you
have practiced throughout this manual.
1. Safe sex practices, including abstinence
2. Saying no
3. The importance of good hygiene
4. Avoid touching other peoples blood-contaminated products, such as used tampons or pads,
or blood on a public toilet seat
Genital Warts
5. Ways to avoid and get away from dangerous situations where sexual abuse may occur
6. The dangers of sharing needles and other drug paraphernalia (implicated in the
transmission of HIV/AIDS)
7. Ways to avoid date rape drugs
8. The roles of alcohol and drug use in unwanted and/or unprotected sexual activity
9. Talking with your family members doctor about whether or not they would benefit from receiving
the Hepatitis B vaccine.
The next few pages contain information on types of STDs, how they are typically acquired, and the
hazards of not being treated. Treatments for STDs are getting better all the time. It is imperative that,
if you see signs that your family member may have an STD, you immediately take him or her to see a
doctor for diagnosis and proper treatment! Some of these diseases are highly treatable, but if not treated,
are highly contagious and may ultimately lead to serious life-long physical impairments and even death.
The following are excellent web sites to learn more about STDs:
Baylor College of Medicines Center for Research on Women with Disabilities: http://www.bcm.
edu/crowd
Down Syndrome Information Network: http://www.down-syndrome.org
72
Gonorrhea
73
STD
Hepatitis B
Herpes
HIV / AIDS
74
Symptoms go away,
but they can still give
hepatitis B to others.
A mother with hepatitis
B can give it to her baby
during childbirth.
Can cause permanent
liver damage.
Some people recover
completely.
You can give hepatitis B
to your sexual partner(s)
or someone you share a
needle.
STD
1ST STAGE
Syphillis
2ND STAGE
Symptoms go away, but
you still have syphillis.
A rash anywhere on the
body.
Flu-like feelings.
Rash and flu-like feelings
go away, but you still
have syphillis.
Vaginitis
75
76
77
FEELINgS wORkSHEET
Sad
Shocked
Affection
Depressed
Joyful
Puzzled
Angry
by:
Jeanne Matich-Maroney
DiAnn L. Baxley, editor
Upset
Happy
Lonely
Sponsored by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration on
Developmental Disabilities and the Florida Developmental Disabilities Council, Inc.
Insulted
78
Worried
Hurt
79
79
FORwARD
While most of the resources included in this list have been developed to meet the unique
learning needs of children and adolescents with developmental disabilities, the reader will
note the inclusion of many resources (particularly books, videos, and games) developed
for children without disabilities. For the most par t, adaptations have been made by
recommending these items for use at higher grade levels for children with developmental
disabilties (e.g. a book with a pre-school designation for children without disabilities may
be located on the resource list at a K-2 grade-level).
To provide general guidance and direction to Resource List users, grade-level designations
have been assigned. However, it bears noting that such designations are not likely to reflect
the unique learning styles/capacities of all children with developmental disabilities. If
a resource suggested for your childs/students grade-level does not seem well suited to
his/her developmental age or learning style, parents/caregivers and sexuality educators
are encouraged to explore resources from other grade levels in order to best tailor their
instruction.
Neither exhaustive, nor static, it is the authors hope that this Resource List will serve
as a springboard for the comprehensive sexuality education of children and adolescents
with developmental disabilities. Feel free to add to the list as you discover new and
innovative materials, or create distinctive ones that work especially well for the
children of your families and communities.
80
80
and other tools that facilitate the provision of a holistic, life-span approach to sexuality
education for children (K-12) with developmental disabilities.
In order to promote ease of use, the Annotated Resource List has been organized into the
following categories:
Background/Overview Materials
Resources for Parents/Caregivers
Resources for Educators
Iona College
Department of Social Work
715 North Avenue
New Rochelle, New York 10801
These items are designed to support the development of culturally competent curricula.
It is important to note that the scope of available materials is somewhat limited in this
category as broad representation of ethnic, cultural, religious, disability and sexual
orientations has yet to be established in this portion of literature.
(914) 633-2471
(914) 637-7743 FAX
Train-the-Trainer Materials
email: jmatich-maroney@iona.edu
Materials included in this section are designed to address the preparation of educators,
parents and caregivers.
81
Instructional Resources
$24.95; ISBN: 1557664285; Brookes Publishing, Customer Service, P.O. Box 10624,
Baltimore, MD 21285-0624; Phone: (800)638-3775; Fax: (410)337-8539
Website: www.brookespublishing.com
$35.00; Pacer Center, 4826 Chicago Ave. South, Minneaopolis, MN, 55417;
Phone: (612) 827 2966; Fax: (952) 838-0199
Website: www.pacer.org
Planned Parenthood of Tompkins County, 314 West State Street, Ithaca, NY 14850;
Phone (Education Department) (607) 273-1526
82
Website: www.sextalk.org
83
Sunny Hill Education Resource Centre, Room S225,3644 Slocan Street, Sunny Hill
Health Centre for Children, Vancouver, BC, V5M 3E8; Phone: (800)331-1533 ext.1;
(604) 453-8335 ext. 1; Fax: (604)875-3455
[Pamphlet available for downloading at www.cw.bc.ca/library/pdf/pamphlets/SH30.pdf]
Website: www.bcchildrens.ca/Services/SunnyHillHealthCtr/Learningeducation/EducationResourceCentre/default.htm
Free; SIECUS; 130 West 42nd Street, Suite 350, New York, NY 10036-7802;
Phone: (212) 819-9770; Fax: (212) 819-9776
Website: www.siecus.org
(Available online at: www.sexedlibrary.org/index.cfm?pageId=722).
Sunny Hill Education Resource Centre, Room S225,3644 Slocan Street, Sunny Hill
Health Centre for Children, Vancouver, BC, V5M 3E8; Phone: (800)331-1533 ext.1;
(604) 453-8335 ext. 1; Fax: (604)875-3455
Website: www.bcchildrens.ca/Services/SunnyHillHealthCtr/Learningeducation/EducationResourceCentre/default.htm
Sunny Hill Education Resource Centre, Room S225,3644 Slocan Street, Sunny Hill
Health Centre for Children, Vancouver, BC, V5M 3E8; Phone: (800)331-1533 ext.1;
(604) 453-8335 ext. 1; Fax: (604)875-3455
Website: www.bcchildrens.ca/Services/SunnyHillHealthCtr/Learningeducation/EducationResourceCentre/SexualHealth/default.htm
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Topics and Resources for Sexuality Education for Children & Young
People with Developmental Disabilities
Sunny Hill Education Resource Center at the Sunny Hill Health Centre for Children
(2003)
Available online at: www.bcchildrens.ca/NR/rdonlyres/E6E7F6FB-542A-4C93-8A60C2EAA9BA4D37/28952/TopicsResourcesList3.pdf
This online guide provides a succinct rationale for the sexuality education of children
and youth with developmental disabilities. Additionally, it offers a detailed chart of useful
resources organized by sexuality education topic/objective AND age group.
Sunny Hill Education Resource Centre, Room S225,3644 Slocan Street, Sunny Hill
Health Centre for Children, Vancouver, BC, V5M 3E8; Phone: (800)331-1533 ext.1;
(604) 453-8335 ext. 1; Fax: (604)875-3455
Website: www.bcchildrens.ca/Services/SunnyHillHealthCtr/Learningeducation/EducationResourceCentre/SexualHealth/default.htm
Sunny Hill Education Resource Centre, Room S225,3644 Slocan Street, Sunny Hill
Health Centre for Children, Vancouver, BC, V5M 3E8; Phone: (800)331-1533 ext.1;
(604) 453-8335 ext. 1; Fax: (604)875-3455
Website: www.bcchildrens.ca/Services/SunnyHillHealthCtr/Learningeducation/EducationResourceCentre/SexualHealth/default.htm
(Available online at: www.bcchildrens.ca/NR/rdonlyres/E6E7F6FB-542A-4C93-8A60-C2EAA9BA4D37/28953/CreatingPolicyandGuidelinesWithinServiceOrganizati.pdf)
SIECUS Publications Department, 130 West 42nd Street, Suite 350, New York, NY
10036-7802; Phone: (212) 819-9770; Fax: (212) 819-9776
Website: www.siecus.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=Page.viewPage&pageId=514&parentID=477
(Available online at: www.siecus.org/_data/global/images/guidelines.pdf)
SIECUS, 130 West 42nd Street, Suite 350, New York, NY 10036-7802;
Phone: (212) 819-9770; Fax: (212) 819-9776
Website: www.siecus.org
Though not specifically focused on sexuality education, this book serves as a practical
guide to developing a variety of school programs that can improve the performance of
students from diverse cultural, ethnic, linguistic, and socioeconomic backgrounds.
While some of the instruction is designed to increase student achievement in reading,
writing, mathematics, and oral communication skills, other strategies may be applied to
sexuality education as well.
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87
$8; SIECUS Publications Department, 130 West 42nd Street, Suite 350, New York,
NY 10036-7802; Phone: (212) 819-9770; Fax: (212) 819-9776
Website: www.siecus.org.
Free; ISBN 0944525199; Kaiser Family Foundation, 2400 Sand Hill Road,
Menlo Park, CA 94025; Phone: (800) 656-4533; Fax: (650) 854-4800
Website: www.kff.org
Train-The-Trainer Materials
All of Us Talking Together: Sex Education for People
with Developmental Disabilities
Program Development Associates (1999)
In this 38-minute video, parents, their young adult sons and daughters with developmental
disabilities, and educators highlight the critical need for sex education for this population
and demonstrate practical models for delivering this service. A detailed sex education
segment covers reproductive anatomy, pregnancy, contraception, and disease prevention.
Social skill development and the desires for friendship, companionship and romance are
all considered. Public vs. private behaviors are explored and steps for reporting sexual
abuse are included.
$99; James Stanfield Publishing Co., P.O. Box 41058, Santa Barbara, CA 93140;
Phone: (800) 421-6534; Fax: (805) 897-1187
Website: www.stanfield.com
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Talking Sex! Practical Approaches and Strategies for Working with People
who have Developmental Disabilities When the Topic is Sex
Lisa Maurer (1999)
This guidebook provides direction for preparing staff to enter the role of sexuality educator. It includes information, activities and overheads to facilitate educators ability to make
sexuality education more accessible to individuals with developmental disabilities. Chapters
include: How Do I Start? Why Do I Do This? Who is My Audience? What Might Slow Me
Down? How Do We Learn What We Know? Why is S/He Doing That? What Do I Say? How
Do I Say It? An appendix offers an overview of the history of societal attitudes towards the
sexuality of people with developmental disabilities and a list of resources.
$40; Planned Parenthood of Tompkins County, 314 West State Street, Ithaca, NY
14850; Phone (Education Department) (607) 273-1526
Website: www.sextalk.org
Instructional Resources
General Sexuality Education Curricula
GRADE-LEVEL: 4-9
Changes in You: An Introduction to Sexuality Education through an Understanding of Puberty**
Peggy C. Siegel, M.S. (1991)
This family life education program for young people with cognitive disabilities is intended
to help students in grades 4-9 develop strong, positive feelings about themselves as they
make the transition into puberty. The complete program includes 73 laminated illustrations,
Changes in You: Book for Boys, Changes in You: Book for Girls, and a teachers guide.
$299; James Stanfield Publishing Co., P.O. Box 41058, Santa Barbara, CA 93140;
Phone: (800) 421-6534; Fax: (805) 897-1187
Website: www.stanfield.com
GRADE-LEVEL: 7-12
Learn about Life: Sexuality & Social Skills Set
Program Development Associates (1996)
realistic graphics, simple test and cover-up edit stickers. It includes a resource file
with instructors guide and reproducible masters.
LIFEFACTS: Essential Information about Life for Persons with Special Needs
James Stanfield Company (1990, 1992)**
Of the seven programs available, three address sexuality: AIDS, Sexuality, and Sexual
Abuse Prevention. They are designed to provide health education professionals with
essential materials and information to teach adolescents and adults with mild to
moderate developmental disabilities.
1990, AIDS; 1992, Sexuality; 1990, Sexual Abuse Prevention; $199/each; $174
each/any two programs, $165.67 each/any three programs; James Stanfield
Publishing Co., P.O. Box 41058, Santa Barbara, CA 93140;
Phone: (800) 421-6534; Fax: (805) 897-1187
Website: www.stanfield.com
$399 each, $699 for both; James Stanfield Publishing Co., P.O. Box 41058,
Santa Barbara, CA 93140; Phone: (800) 421-6534; Fax: (805) 897-1187
Website: www.stanfield.com
$399; James Stanfield Publishing Co., P.O. Box 41058, Santa Barbara, CA 93140;
Phone: (800) 421-6534; Fax: (805) 897-1187
Website: www.stanfield.com
This spiral-bound book, with six laminated picture books, is targeted to special education
students (grades 7+). Covers puberty, dating, pregnancy, relationships and STDs, with
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The classic book originally published in 1973 was reprinted in 2000. Through
the use of light-hearted illustrations, the reproductive process from intercourse
to birth is described.
GRADE-LEVEL: K-2
$5.95; ISBN: 0920303536; Annick Press; Firefly Books Ltd; 15 Patricia Avenue
Toronto, ON M2M 1H9; Phone (800) 387-5085 or (416) 499-8412;
Fax (800) 565-6034 or (416) 499-8313
Website: www.annickpress.com
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GRADE-LEVEL: K-2
GRADE-LEVEL: K-2
This animated video program can be used to introduce or reinforce the concept of
self-respect. Luis is suffering from low self-esteem. His counselor helps him discover
his own special gifts. As they watch Luis personal transition, children develop an
awareness of what promotes self-respect and what tears it down. The program
is available with an activity book with reproducible pages.
$39.95 Video Kit; ISBN: 0000000489; Boulden Publishing, P.O. Box 1186,
Weaverville, CA 96093; Phone: (800) 238-8433; Fax: (530) 623-5525
GRADE-LEVEL: 3-5
Website: www.bouldenpublishing.com
GRADE-LEVEL: K-5
Just Because I Am: A Childs Book of Af firmation
Lauren Murphy Payne & Claudia Rohling (1994)
Brightly illustrated with child-friendly pictures, this book is designed to strengthen
and support a childs self-esteem. It teaches children to respect their bodies and to
acknowledge their needs and feelings as important. Conveys the message that the
child is important not because of what he/she does, but just because he/she is.
$14.95; ISBN: 0915793601; Free Spirit Publishing, 217 5th Ave N, Suite 200,
Minneapolis, MN 55401-1299; Phone: (612) 338-2068; Fax: (612) 337-5050
Website: www.freespirit.com
What is a Feeling?
David W. Krueger; Illustrated by Jean Whitney (1993)
This book utilizes familiar situations to help children put their feelings into words. It
encourages children to value and respect their feelings. The book includes a game circle
for Fun with Feelings.
$6.95; ISBN: 0943990750; Parenting Press, Inc. P.O. Box 75267, Seattle, WA
98175-0267; Phone (sales department): (800) 992-6657; Fax: (206) 364-0702
Website: www.parentingpress.com
GRADE-LEVEL: 6-12
SEALS + Plus: Self-Esteem and Life Skills: Reproducible Activity-Based
Handouts Created for Teachers and Counselors
Kathy L. Korb-Khalsa, Stacey D. Azok, & Estelle A. Leutenberg (1992)
This book offers a selection of 80 activity handouts taken from Life Management
Skills Books I & II, which look at the social, personal and self growth of young people.
It is designed for use with middle and high school students.
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More Social Skills Stories: Ver y Personal Picture Stories for Readers and
Nonreaders K-12
GRADE-LEVEL K-5
How to Be a Friend
Laurie Krasny Brown, Illustrated by Marc Brown (1998)
These comical but honest dinosaur teaches kids how to find out if someone will make a
good friend, how to show someone that you would like to be friends, how to settle an argument with a friend, and much more. This is a great way to talk about the importance of
learning new social skills. Not expressly written for children with disabilities but
parents of children with Aspergers Syndrome and autism have rated the book highly.
GRADE-LEVEL K-12
Circle of Friends Game
Cindy Hamilton (1999)
This is a cooperative game that teaches and reinforces behaviors that help people build
lasting friendships with others. As they play the game, players learn they must make
choices about their behavior and that these choices will influence their success in
making and keeping friends.
Website: www.mayer-johnson.com
GRADE-LEVEL K-2
Connecting with Others: Lessons for Teaching Social and Emotional
Competence Grades K-2
Rita Coombs-Richardson (1996)
This is the first in an enjoyable K-12 curriculum series designed to promote the development
of self-advocacy, communication, interpersonal and problem-solving skills in young children.
Instructional strategies include story-telling, relaxation, modeling, coaching, behavior
rehearsal, reinforcement, creative expression, and self-instruction.
$39.95; ISBN: 0878223622; Research Press Dept. 25W P.O. Box 9177 Champaign,
IL 61826; Phone 217-352-3273, 800-519-2707, Fax 217-352-1221.
Website: www.researchpress.com
Website: www.childwork.com
GRADE-LEVEL: 3-5
This book contains 142 ready-to-use lessons and reproducible master activity sheets to
help children with developmental disabilities become aware of socially acceptable behavior
and to work toward the acquisition of basic social skills.
$18.87; ISBN: 0876288689; Center for Applied Research in Education, West Nyack, NY
(Available at Amazon.com)
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$29.00; ISBN: 1884135218; Mayer-Johnson, Inc., P.O. Box 1579, Solana Beach, CA
92075; Phone: (800) 588-4548 or (858) 550-0084; Fax: (858) 550-044
This is the second in an enjoyable K-12 curriculum series designed to promote the
development of self-advocacy, communication, interpersonal and problem-solving skills
in young children. Instructional strategies include stor y-telling, relaxation, modeling,
coaching, behavior rehearsal, reinforcement, creative expression, and self-instruction.
$39.95; ISBN: 0878223630; Research Press Dept. 25W P.O. Box 9177 Champaign,
IL 61826; Phone: (217) 352-3273, (800) 519-2707; Fax: (217) 352-1221.
Website: www.researchpress.com
$5.39; ISBN: 0140558624; Puffin Books a Division of the Penguin Group 345
Hudson Street, New York, NY 10014
(Also available at Amazon.com)
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GRADE-LEVEL: 6-8
Connecting with Others: Lessons for Teaching Social and Emotional
Competence Grades 6-8
Rita Coombs-Richardson & Elizabeth T. Evans (1997)
This is the third in an enjoyable K-12 curriculum series designed to promote the
development of self-advocacy, communication, interpersonal and problem-solving
skills in elementar y-school aged children. Instructional strategies include
stor y-telling, relaxation, modeling, coaching, behavior rehearsal, reinforcement,
creative expression, and self-instruction.
$39.95; ISBN: 0878223649; Research Press Dept. 25W, P.O. Box 9177 Champaign,
IL 61826; Phone: (217) 352-3273, (800) 519-2707; Fax: (217) 352-1221.
Website: www.researchpress.com
GRADE-LEVEL: 7-12
Autism & PDD: Adolescent Social Skills Lessons: Health & Hygiene
Pam Britton Reese & Nena C. Chellenner (2001)
These story lessons can be used to teach important social skills related to health and
hygiene. The instructional lessons teach what to say and do in social situations that can
be overwhelming to the young person with autism or PDD. The behavioral lessons target
those behaviors that pose health or social risks and need to be addressed (e.g. overeating).
Chapters include: Healthy Habits; Health Care; Puberty and Basic Grooming Skills.
$39.95; ISBN: 0878224645; Research Press Dept. 25W, P.O. Box 9177 Champaign,
IL 61826; Phone: (217) 352-3273, (800) 519-2707; Fax: (217) 352-1221.
Website: www.researchpress.com
girl who learns menstrual self-care from her mother and sister. It includes a detailed task
analysis of behaviors required for using menstrual pads. The package is comprised of the
video, an illustrated storybook, an extensive resource book for the educator, parents or
caregiver(s), a computer pictograph wall chart outlining the steps for changing a sanitary
napkin, and 24 laminated cards for student use.
$399; James Stanfield Publishing Co., P.O. Box 41058, Santa Barbara, CA 93140;
Phone: (800) 421-6534; Fax: (805) 897-1187
Website: www.stanfield.com
Period
JoAnn Gardner-Loulan & Bonnie Lopez, Illustrated by Marcia Quackenbush (1991)
This book was written for young girls going experiencing the physical and emotional
changes associated with puberty. Considered a comprehensive and friendly book that
provides explicit information about menstruation, it also covers gynecological exams.
A Parent Guide is included.
$9.95; ISBN: 0802774784; Volcano Press P.O. Box 270, Volcano, CA 95689-0270;
Phone: (800) 879-9636; Fax (209) 296-4995
Website: www.volcanopress.com
(Also available at Amazon.com)
The Period Book: Ever ything You Dont Want to Ask (But Need to Know)
Karen Gravelle & Jennifer Gravelle (1996)
This user-friendly book published by an aunt and her 15-year-old niece provides facts about
menstruation and puberty while also addressing some of the more difficult to ask questions/concerns. Cartoon illustrations help to keep a light-hearted tone about an important
developmental milestone.
$8.06; ISBN: 0-8027-7478-4; Walker & Company 104 Fifth Avenue New York, NY
10011; Phone (212) 727-8300; Fax (212) 727-0984 (Also available on Amazon.
com). $8.95; Braille version: National Braille Press, 88 St. Stephen Street,
Boston, MA 02115;
Phone: (617) 266-6160, Toll Free: (888) 965-8965; Fax: (617) 437-0456.
Website: www.nbp.org
This highly acclaimed, award-winning educational video is designed for use with pre-teens
and features a young adult talking about puberty and sex and childbirth. Good resource
for introducing the topic and breaking the ice.
GRADE-LEVEL: 10-12
$24.95; ASIN: 0972928413; The National Training Organization for Child Care
Providers (NTOCCP LTD.), Phone: (303) 840-1997.
Website: www.birdsandbeesvideo.com
(Also available at Amazon.com)
$24.95; ASIN: 0972928405; The National Training Organization for Child Care
Providers (NTOCCP LTD.), Phone: (303) 840-1997.
Website: www.birdsandbeesvideo.com
(Also available at Amazon.com)
$299; James Stanfield Publishing Co., P.O. Box 41058, Santa Barbara, CA 93140;
Phone: (800) 421-6534; Fax: (805) 897-1187.
Website: www.stanfield.com
$79.00; Special Needs Project; 324 State Street, Suite H, Santa Barbara, CA 9310;
Phone: (800) 333-6867; Fax:(805) 962-5087.
Website: www.specialneeds.com
$350.00 Set of Three Tapes; $95.00 Tape #1; $135.00 Tape #2; $155.00 Tape #3;
Young Adult Institute/National Institute for Persons with Disabilities; 460 West 34th
St. NY, NY 10001-2382; Phone: (212) 273-6517.
Website: www.yai.org
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$375.00 Set of Three Tapes; $125.00 Tape #1; $135.00 Tape #2; $155.00 Tape #3;
Young Adult Institute/National Institute for Persons with Disabilities;
460 West 34th St. NY, NY 10001-2382; Phone: (212) 273-6517.
Website: www.yai.org
$249; James Stanfield Publishing Co., P.O. Box 41058, Santa Barbara, CA 93140;
Phone: (800) 421-6534; Fax: (805) 897-1187.
Website: www.stanfield.com
$34.95; ISBN: 0398067341; Charles C. Thomas Publishers, Ltd. , 2600 South First
Street Springfield, IL 62704; Phone: (217)789-8980; Fax: (217)789-9130.
Website: www.ccthomas.com
$599; James Stanfield Publishing Co., P.O. Box 41058, Santa Barbara, CA 93140;
Phone: (800) 421-6534; Fax: (805) 897-1187.
Website: www.stanfield.com
No-Go-Tell
Elisabeth J. Krents, Ph.D., & Sheila A. Brenner, M.A. (1991)
This curriculum, designed to teach child protection to 3-7 year olds, was created by experts serving children with disabilities. It is a comprehensive package of materials that
features two dolls and a set of large illustrated teaching panels (11x17). It teaches four
primary prevention concepts: differentiating between family, friends, familiar people and
strangers ; identifying private body parts; defining O.K. touches; defining Not O.K.
touches; and identifying who and how to tell about an abusive experience.
$299/without dolls, $399/with dolls; James Stanfield Publishing Co., P.O. Box 41058,
Santa Barbara, CA 93140; Phone: (800) 421-6534; Fax: (805) 897-1187.
Website: www.stanfield.com
Preventing Sexual Abuse: Activities and Strategies for Those Working with
Children and Adolescents Second Edition**
Carol A. Plummer (1997)
This sexual abuse-prevention curriculum is divided into two sections. The first is a threeor five-day presentation for grades K through six, which is also adaptable for children with
developmental disabilities. The second is a one-, three-, or five-day presentation for grades
seven through 12. The curriculum provides: guidelines for the instructor, an appendix, and
information about involving parents to make the program work.
$23.95; ISBN: 1556911149; Learning Publications, Inc., P.O. Box 1338, Holmes
Beach, FL 34218-1338; Phone (800)222-1525; Fax: (941)778-6818.
Website: www.learningpublications.com
$250; Committee for Children, 2203 Airport Way South, Suite 500, Seattle, WA
98134-2035; Phone: 800/634-4449; Fax: 206/343-1445.
Website: www.cfchildren.org
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graders, 14 lessons for second graders, and 12 lessons for third graders. All units discuss
personal safety, touching safety, and assertiveness and support. The curriculum consists
of a teachers guide and lesson cards with photos to illustrate concepts. Also included are
a book and audio cassette titled Sams Story, a poster that tells how Sam learned the
touching rule, a video titled Willy Learns the Touching Rule, and a video for parents
titled What Do I Say Now? How to Help Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse.
which children can use to protect themselves when theyre uncomfortable. Also available
in Spanish.
$195; Committee for Children, 2203 Airport Way South, Suite 500, Seattle,
WA 98134-2035; Phone: 800/634-4449; Fax: 206/343-1445.
My Body Is Mine, My Feelings Are Mine: A Stor ybook About Body Safety
for Young Children
Susan Hoke, ACSW (1995)
Website: www.cfchildren.org
GRADE-LEVEL: 6-12
CIRCLES II: Stop Abuse
Marklyn P. Champagne, R.N., B.S., & Leslie Walker-Hirsch, M.Ed. (1986)
This curriculum is for people with mild to moderate developmental disabilities. It teaches
students how to avoid exploitative situations. Part I, titled Recognizing and Reacting
to Sexual Exploitation, encourages student assertiveness and teaches students how to
recognize and react to sexual exploitation. Part II, titled Learning Appropriate Protective
Behaviors, discusses the potential for sexual abuse from acquaintances and strangers, and
teaches students how to deal with unwanted advances. Three videos, a wall teaching graph,
and a teachers guide are included.
$399; James Stanfield Publishing Co., P.O. Box 41058, Santa Barbara, CA 93140;
Phone: (800) 421-6534; Fax: (805) 897-118.
Website: www.stanfield.com
$23.95; ISBN 1556911149; Learning Publications, Inc., P.O. Box 1338, Holmes
Beach, FL 34218-1338; Phone (800)222-1525; Fax: (941)778-6818.
Website: www.amazon.com
$5.95; ISBN: 094399033; Parenting Press, Inc. P.O. Box 75267, Seattle, WA
98175-0267; Phone (sales department): (800) 992-6657; Fax: (206) 364-0702
Website: www.parentingpress.com
This storybook introduces the basic concept of body safety to children through the use
of dialogue and illustrations. It includes a Body Rules Safety Quiz as well as an adult
guidebook for parents, caretakers, counselors, relatives, clergy, and educators.
The Right Touch: A Read-Aloud Stor y to Help Prevent Child Sexual Abuse
Sandy Kleven, LCSW; Illustrated by Jody Bergsma (1997)
This book was developed as a gentle and thoughtful tool for teaching skills to help prevent
child sexual abuse. It is informative without being alarming, and has soft reassuring illustrations.
$15.95; ISBN: 0935699104; The SaferSociety Foundation Inc., P.O. 340, Brandon,
Vermont 05733-0340; Phone (802) 247-3132; Fax (802) 247-4233.
Website: www.safersociety.org
$5.36; Albert Whitman & Company; 6340 Oakton Street, Morton Grove, Illinois
60053-2723; Phone: (800) 255-7675, (847) 581-0033; Fax: (847) 581-0039
(Available on Amazon.com)
GRADE-LEVEL: 1-4
Lets Prevent Abuse (Puppet Program)
Pacer Center (1984)
In response to growing awareness of the increased vulnerability of children with
disabilities to all types of abuse, the Lets Prevent Abuse Program was established to
help children and adults with disabilities gain information about physical and sexual
abuse and develop personal safety skills. This puppet program features four endearing
multi-racial, child-size puppets that portray children with and without disabilities. Used
with over 80,000 individuals to date, the puppets have proven to be a comfortable medium
through which to teach children about abuse prevention. The Pacer Center offers the
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GRADE-LEVEL 7-12
Website: www.pacer.org
GRADE-LEVEL: 3-5
This curriculum is for people with mild to moderate developmental disabilities. Part I,
titled Communicable Diseases and Casual Contact, illustrates casual contact and the
steps that can be taken to decrease the chances of becoming infected with a communicable
disease. Part II STDs, AIDS and Intimate Contact, explains the difference between casual
and intimate contact. It promotes positive decision-making and addresses abstinence as
the best way to avoid STDs and AIDS. Six videos, supplemental materials, and a teachers
guide are included.
My Body is Private
Linda Walvoord Girard & Rodney Pate (1992)
Sexual abuse prevention is taught through a gentle conversation between a mother and
her daughter. It defines privacy and presents information about sexual abuse in a nonfrightening yet serious manner. Abuse prevention strategies are integrated into the story.
This is recommended for use with individuals with a developmental age of 6 or 7.
$399; James Stanfield Publishing Co., P.O. Box 41058, Santa Barbara, CA 93140;
Phone: (800) 421-6534; Fax: (805) 897-1187.
Website: www.stanfield.com
Take Control: How to Stay Healthy and Safe from HIV & AIDS
InfoUse, Berkeley, CA
Designed specifically for the learning needs of people with mental retardation,
this is an engaging user-friendly program (CD-Rom) that educates viewers to
avoid situations that may place them at risk for HIV infection. Content includes definitions
of HIV and AIDS; how HIV and AIDS are contracted and spread;
safe (abstinence) and safer (condom-use) sex practices; choices about sexual
relationships; avoiding compromising situations; inappropriate sexual advances; and how,
why and where to get tested for HIV.
GRADE-LEVEL: 7-12
The Right to Control What Happens to Your Body:
A Straightfor ward Guide to Issues of Sexuality and Sexual Abuse
Roeher Institute (1991)
Written for people with developmental disabilities, this booklet focuses on ways that
individuals can protect themselves from sexual abuse and understand their individual
rights to sexuality. It provides facts about sexuality, and sexual abuse including its
potential effects and treatment. The booklet also includes legal information pertaining to
the Canadian criminal justice system and thus, would need adaptation for use in the U.S.
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by:
Jeanne Matich-Maroney
DiAnn L. Baxley, editor
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The following resources come directly from attendees of a series of workshops sponsored by the Florida
Developmental Disabilities Council who also reviewed the Resource Guide. These titles have been included
in this Addendum because parents, caregivers, and educators found them helpful in teaching children and
adolescents with developmental disabilities about various aspects of sexuality. The Florida Developmental
Disabilities Council wants to express its appreciation to workshop participants for sharing the resources that
have helped them in learning about and teaching sexuality.
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$55.00 (US) Diversity Press, Inc.13561 Leslie Street, Richmond Hill, Ontario,
Canada. Phone (877) 246-5226.
website: www.diverse-city.com/video.htm
E-mail: diversecitypress@bellnet.ca
want to share portions of the book as appropriate for adolescents maturity levels until
adolescents are prepared to read the entire book.
This book was widely recommended for teachers and educators! It discusses the physical,
emotional, and social changes that occur during puberty. It reinforces good self esteem.
Pictures depict various stages of puberty and growing up. Parents and educators may
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Under Cover Dick: A Guide for Teaching About Condom Use Through
Video and Understanding
Dave Hinsberger
This video and book set discusses STD and other disease prevention and demonstrates
how to use a condom from the point of putting it on to the point of safely removing it. This
set is fairly graphic, so you may want to have the person with a developmental disability
watch this with someone who can monitor reactions and answer any questions.
website: www.diverse-city.com/video.htm
E-mail: diversecitypress@bellnet.ca
This is a stor y of romance, love, and the incredible capacity for many people with
developmental disabilities to live independently, have meaningful relationships, and marry.
Free.
Available on the Internet at: www.bhawd.org/sitefiles/TblMrs/cover.html
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Family member
PLEASE CHECK THE BOX THAT BEST REFLECTS YOUR OPINION OF THIS ACTIVITY.
I. Consumer Satisfaction with Council Supported Activities Statement
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Respect: I (or my family member) was treated with respect during project activity.
Choice: I (or my family member) have more choice and control as a result of project activity.
Community: I (or my family member) can do more things in my community as a result of this project.
Rights: Because of this project activity, I (or my family member) know my rights.
Safe: I (or my family member) feel safer and able to protect myself/themselves from harm as a result of this activity.
Yes
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Yes
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Yes
No
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q No
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III. What has been helpful or not helpful about this project activity?
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